He Said, She Said
by The Great Chicken Miasma
Summary: When Lucas suddenly starts exhibiting strangely violent behavior, Ness is left to wonder what's wrong and how he can help. Little does he know, the truth may just be a bit more than he can handle. Crackfic, woo!
1. The Undeniable Truth

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ I'm going to Hell for this, I really am. BUT IT MUST BE DONE. This is basically a crackfic, and a test of... I dunno, something. Anywho, this is yet another NessxLucas fic, but before you say "EW, NON-SWORDSMAN YAOI" and click back, let's just say I don't think you'll be seeing any of that here. Why? Er, reading this may help. So... don't take this too seriously; open-mindedness is suggested._

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 1:**__ The Undeniable Truth_

* * *

"Normal", officially one of the worst ways to describe what was considered as such. Not one person, not one animal, not one _thing_ in that place could ever take full advantage of this word. Ness didn't even consider himself normal; he was anything but. His friends weren't normal, his enemies weren't normal, and if you thought you were normal, then that officially proved your abnormality, as you were just flat-out crazy.

And yet, that's what everyone called nearly every day... Of course, they were wrong. And they'd continue to be wrong for as long as they could get away with it. But if there was one thing that was certain in those living quarters, from the battle-scarred walls, to the often-more-than-not urine-coated floor, it was that Lucas had to be the furthest from normal than anyone else.

And this wasn't something that was expected, it was complete and total opposite. Lucas used to be the one person who, due to his rationality, actually used to be as normal as anyone could be in such an… unnormal place. He didn't start things, he didn't finish them. When something was afoot, the fingers never pointed at him. If he was in charge of the whole tourney, all fights would consist of pillows and flowers. ...And maybe some cake. But that was long, long time ago.

...All right, it was just last month, but that was long enough to miss it.

Now, he was anything but normal. He'd become so fussy and fickle, always trying to see the end of things before they barely even started. Lucas was also more conscious of what was going on around him, not to mention he was much more jumpy. Well, he'd always been like that, but it was getting to the point now where Ness couldn't even play a joke on him without making him mad. He got ticked at the dumbest things, almost to the point where he started crying uncontrollably if he felt like it. Doing the slightest thing to him now either made him throw a fit or cry a river. Again, this was normal behavior for the most part, but it just happened _way _too often and was _way_ too extreme. Lunchtime of this particular day was a prime example of this.

Everything was running along smoothly when Lucas had run out of chocolate milk. Ah, chocolate milk; a true treat to every child's palate. He'd simply drank of all of his and proceeded to fetch some more from the beverage table. Okay, nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, he had such horrible luck at getting something edible with little or no trouble. He was just asking for it as he approached another carton of the delicious dairy product.

Of course, Ike charged out of freaking nowhere and snatched it away, ruthlessly jamming the little straw that came with it into the opening it provided. From the way Lucas was looking at him, it was almost as he'd just stabbed a life-long friend in the head with a rusty butter knife. Now, this was supposed to be the part where Lucas would sigh and go back over to his seat with plain old normal milk to mope...

But no. No, that was the final straw, especially since Ike was currently sucking up _his _milk outta it.

It started out simple. A small, pouty, "I had that first," from the blonde.

"Too bad, so sad," snorted Ike.

Well, that went over like a lead balloon. Cue crying? Nope. Instead, Lucas stepped closer to him, face marred into a frown. It would've actually looked intimidating had it been normal for him.

"I said, I... had that... first." Actually, he didn't say that; he _growled_ it.

"So I heard." He crumpled up the now-empty milk carton and dropped it.

Crying time now? Lucas' eyes remained dry. Despite that, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Lucas then stepped on said straw in his way over to Ike, who'd turn to leave. The psychic grabbed his cape and pulled on it with a tremendous amount of strength, sending him flying back into the table of sodas, juices, and drinks. Completely drenched, Ike quickly stood to tower over the boy, sword poised to teach him a lesson or two. Heck, maybe even three.

"You little twerp! You'll pay for that!"

That threat was oh-so-cliché, but what followed was just as unprecedented, as Lucas jammed an angry fist into his stomach, causing him to spew chocolate milk like some kind of chocolate milk fountain made to look like a swordsman. Again, he fell back over into the broken table and puddle of mixed beverages behind him.

Seeing Ike finally realize he wasn't screwing around, Lucas glowered at the fallen Smasher, then turned on his heel and left, an obvious chip on his shoulder.

Of course, Ness and a few others were the only ones to notice this. Who cared if a little kid just knocked out some dude with a huge sword? It happened all the time. So what?

As far as approximately 28 people were concerned, lunch went off without a hitch.

On the contrary, Lucas sometimes appeared gentler in his endeavors. Well, somewhat. It was more often than not Ness spotted him acting oddly coy and gushy. He'd occasionally show signs of giddy passion, latching onto and invading the personal space of anyone who didn't knock his block off, and if they did, he'd start bawling, exclaiming nobody loved him anymore. He wouldn't stop crying until consoled, and if consoled, there was a 68.3567% chance he'd get mad and tell everyone to piss off.

Speaking of which, their relationship in particular was on and off like a dying light bulb. Sometimes Lucas hovered around him like they were conjoined, while there were times he didn't even want to see his face. It happened so fast, all Ness could do was sit around and wait for him to either come back or storm off and sit in the bathroom for two or three hours. Lucas could get pissed at him for so much as blinking wrong, apologizing for it an average of half an hour later. Fortunately, his partner was a very understanding type... Baffled, but still understanding.

Hearsay about him was little, since there were a million and one things more interesting than his persona, but there was a small rumor going around that maybe he was going through a mental... thing. That had to be the oddest explanation Ness'd ever heard, but the only other reasons were that he was either bipolar or crazy. Yeah, Lucas could've easily been either; it made enough sense, but, at the same time, didn't. It was pretty much like what happened an hour after the chocolate milk incident, when Ness finally realized Lucas wasn't just not normal, he was… not right.

All he wanted to do was take a leak; pretty natural, if he said so himself. Approaching the men's bathroom, he remembered seeing Lucas angrily pacing around the door, walking around like he had his own wooden stick shoved up his ass. By the way he was waddling, it was obvious he had to go, but couldn't because someone bigger, stronger, and meaner was already in there. Sure enough, Wolf and Bowser soon made their way out, talking and laughing insidiously over the demise of their enemies. Ness ignored this and went in, hearing Lucas continue to shuffle and prance about like some sort of lunatic.

Once inside, he idly went over to a urinal and proceeded to do his business. It wasn't long before Lucas charged in, holding his pants and dancing like someone had set off a firecracker in his shorts. He groaned as he noticed Ness there, but his bladder couldn't take it anymore. Uttering some sort of grunt, he dashed into a stall, slamming the door behind him.

The other occupant thought nothing of this and continued relieving himself when the sound of said activity was mirrored by another echo of pouring liquid from inside the stall. Again, Ness would've thought nothing of this until he noticed there were, oh, about four free urinals around him. And Lucas was using a toilet... He respected preferences and all, but that was a little more than odd.

The moment couldn't have gotten any more awkward when the toilet flushed and Lucas emerged as fresh as a daisy. He tried his best to ignore Ness, going over to wash his hands, gaze fixated on the soap dispenser before him.

Finally, he could stand it no longer. "Lucas..."

He noticed his shoulders drop. "...What?"

"That's exactly what I wanna know. Maybe you missed it, but..." He looked to a nearby urinal, at which Lucas frowned.

"Well... I didn't feel like it."

Whu--? 'Didn't _feel like it_?' The hell? Due to circumstances _way _beyond his control, he kinda, sorta, well, had no choice! He couldn't just go in toilets whenever he felt like it! Okay, well, yeah, he _could_, but it was extremely unmanly and would get him pummeled had anyone else been in there. The frigging hell?

That's exactly what his puzzled expression incessantly asked as he continued to glare at Lucas.

"What?" He quickly cleaned his hands, shuffling about nervously. "WHAT?! What'd I do?!"

His question still unanswered, Ness overlooked his frantic ramblings with a twist of his mouth. As expected, Lucas instantly got offended/annoyed/his feelings hurt or whatever and, in a huff, made a hasty exit.

That happened earlier that day; Lucas had been irked at him ever since. But he'd be all sympathetic later on and try to appease him, despite him not even being mad. He didn't have time to worry about that anyway, as the duties of a Smasher were ever-demanding. Dodging a Ray Gun thrown in desperation by Lucario, he set the Pokémon ablaze with PK Fire, running off as his partner spammed him to death. He was in the middle of a fight, a Team Battle actually, against Diddy and Lucario, his partner being the ever-perky Pit. Apparently, the theme was "Kids vs. Animals" in Onett, a stage reminiscent of a town that he personally knew harbored many of both. How swell.

He'd just knocked out Diddy with a well-placed Gooey Bomb to the head, adding a point to their team. Unfortunately, the battle had turned in their favor so much, it wasn't really even a challenge anymore. That's probably why he was recalling all this stuff about Lucas and not really paying attention to—Aw crap, a car. Pretty funny how you could always get hit by those damn things while you were _clearly _standing on the _side_ of the road. The view from being hurdled into oblivion sure was nice today. The mind-numbing pain of defeat did little to deter him from taking in the abnormally happy, blue sky. The way they got it to look just like it did back home creeped him out.

* * *

Back in their room, Lucas stepped out of the shower, feeling recharged and refurbished. It was just what he needed to flush away the worries that had been plaguing him so. It'd been a long, hard day and he was more than ready to have it end. He didn't know why, but for the last few weeks, he'd been feeling so... drained. His psychic powers were on the fritz, he felt weakened for no reason, and nothing seemed to be going his way. Not to mention, he was surround by blathering idiots who spent more time bashing each other's brains out than wondering why they were doing it. The dopes...

This wouldn't have seemed so bad had it not felt like they were all out to get him. And that's exactly why he kept going off on everyone. Yes, they knew he'd been acting a bit strange lately, but did they do anything about it? NO. If they'd stop acting like a bunch of hypocritical idiots and actually _try_ to comfort him, give him a pat on the back, or reassure him, maybe, _just maybe_, he'd be a little nicer. But, no. No, nothing; nobody cared. They did nothing. _**NOT A THING!**_ As long as he didn't drop dead, they didn't give a crap. _Well, maybe he didn't give a crap either, __**so there!**_

...He took a deep breath, not waiting the earlier stress of the day to come back. Still a little irked, he squinted at the digital clock sitting on the nightstand. It read 6:25 pm, a relatively early time to go to bed, but he didn't care. If they wanted him to fight, screw it; he was officially AWOL until further notice.

His frustration vented, Lucas' mood shifted once more. Now he felt lonely. Alone in their room for once, the blonde noted Ness wasn't there to grace their living quarters. He wouldn't be back for some time, either. Just his luck... He was off fighting, then he'd probably go take on some challenges, and finish by blowing all his Smash Coins on some trophies. Knowing how competitive he was, that'd take hours. Great, now he was lonely _and_ depressed. Whatever. The sooner he went to bed, the sooner this whole thing would blow over.

Still indecent, he walked out of the bathroom, towel-clad. For some reason, he couldn't seem to find his pajamas. He usually got dressed in the bathroom, but since Ness was gone, he was free to fool around a bit. Unfortunately, this "fooling around" was cut short, as he couldn't seem to locate his night clothes.

After not seeing them on his bed where he thought he left them, he began to search the room. He searched the dressers, floor, chairs, everywhere they might've been. He was just about to start pointing fingers at the likes of Wario and Bowser for sabotaging the laundry again when he realized he'd left them in the bathroom.

Retreating to the indoor lavatory, he huffed, only finding the top to the two-piece sleeping clothes. Putting it on, he continued searching the room for his lower half. Exiting once more, he suddenly caught sight of the missing shorts, knocked off his bed's pillow and in a heap on the floor next to the nearby nightstand. Sighing at this, he was about to go over when the door slammed open, thanks to a ruffled-looking Ness.

"Aah!" He huddled together in the corner. "Ness! W-what're you d-doing back so soon? I thought you were fighting!"

His roommate scratched his head in annoyance. "I was, but things got outta hand when Pit kept spamming attacks. Guy ruined the whole thing..."

"Oh..." He cleared his throat, unable to think of a better response Ness cocked his head. He ended up asking a question before he could stop himself.

"Uh, hitting the hay a little early, aren'tcha?" Great, that was probably gonna make him mad.

He rubbed his head. "...I really need the sleep. Just... I don't want to talk about it. You understand, right?"

"Oh. Uh, sure. I guess..."

Shaking it off, he promptly went over to flop on his bed and proceeded to surf through channels on the TV. Lucas winced, seeing as he was in more than a bit of a predicament. He glanced in forlorn at his pajamas taunting him from the side of his bed. They were easy enough to go over and grab... Well, it would've been, if Ness wasn't staring lifelessly at the flickering hypnotics of the TV. In order to get his bottom half, he had to pass the other psychic's vision, which, in his current state, was completely out of the question.

Nervously looking back from him to his shorts, he cleared his throat. "Uh, Ness? ...You mind turning around for a minute? I need to, um... I'm not entirely decent..."

Ness glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "I'm not looking. Go on and change."

He scoffed. "But... but I... Well, c-can you hand me my stuff? Please? It's right there..."

"Lucas, it's not like I'm exactly staring holes into you. I swear, I'm not looking."

"But you're right next to it... Just... toss it here? ...Please?"

"I thought you were gonna get it."

"Well! You won't turn around, and I can't get it like this...!"

"...Then, you're_ not_ gonna get it?"

Lip poked out, he stomped his foot. "Mmmmm!"

There it was. His little way of saying, 'I'm quite peeved at you', something that was pretty much anticipated at that point. At this, the other boy smirked. Seeing him make such a fuss amused Ness to no end.

Annoyed, he anxiously searched for something, _anything _to cover himself in that 2.8 second stroll to fetch his shorts. Ness continued to eye him, half-laughing, half-scoffing at his insecurity. He liked toying with him, seeing him jitter and shudder when the slightest thing didn't go his way. Both of them knew this very well; even with this little mood swing thing of his, Lucas was still fun to pick on... albeit the often disastrous results.

Lucas sighed as he found his nearby discarded towel as saving grace. Wrapping it around his waist, he emerged from huddling in the corner, quickly scurrying over to fetch his pajama shorts. It was noted he still had an annoyed little pout on his lips, something Ness found to make him look, well... kinda cute. Of course, he wouldn't say that; that'd probably only make him madder.

In his huff, he didn't notice Ness had lazily tossed his baseball bat aside, the handle barely making its presence known from underneath the blonde's bed. Fortunately, he managed to step over it. His shorts retrieved, he was ready to go change in the bathroom when Pit stormed in.

"Hey, Ness! Think fast!" he playfully challenged, shooting an arrow into the room.

Not aimed at anything in particular, the shot zoomed past Lucas, inches from his face, going up in a curve about two feet from where Ness once sat. The keyword there was "once", as he'd long catapulted off the bed and was now standing at the angel's side.

"Wow, that was terrible," he scoffed. "Your game is off. No wonder you kept spamming."

"You're just mad I got so many more points than you."

Ness turned his nose up, unable retort with what was the truth.

On the other hand, a startled Lucas had stumbled backwards and slipped on the handle of Ness' bat, tumbling back with a squeal. In a panic, he flailed about, throwing his towel across the room in a fevered attempt to grab something. Unable to find it, gravity sent him plummeting into the floor.

"Ooh, sorry," apologized Pit, wincing as he made contact with the ground. "Didn't see you there."

He was on his way over to help him up when suddenly stopped and frowned. Ness accompanied him, more than ready for the floored boy to throw a fit at both of them for their carelessness.

"You oka--" He stopped, face falling. Now he could see why Pit was frowning.

"Ow..." Lucas groaned, sitting up to rub his backside. "Yeah, I'm fine. I..." He noticed the two staring. "...What?"

A frown and then a heavy blush came across Ness' face as his mind scrambled to make some explanation of this... this... whatever it was. Oh, he knew full well what it was; it was just... pretty mind-blowing. And unnatural. Okay, well, it _was _natural, but not in this situation. Dumbfounded, Pit kept staring, unblinking.

He felt so immoral continuing to stare, but looking away wasn't an option. He wasn't sure whether it was shock, intrigue, or confusion, but the feeling needed no explaining. This was good, since what he saw needed more explaining than anything he'd previously come across. It was right then and there he finally realized why Lucas had become so sensitive lately, why he didn't use the urinal, and why he didn't want him to see his nether regions.

...Or, to be more precise, _her _nether regions.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Be honest; how many of you are frowning right now? :)_


	2. Denying the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Not much to say, other than I really think I'm a roll with this. Or something, lol._

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 2:**__ Denying the Undeniable_

* * *

"Dude..." mouthed Pit. "...Y-you're a... You're a chick?"

Ness glowered at him for that use of lingo. He totally stole it from him and, personally, he sounded like a loser by saying it.

Regardless, Lucas took that too literally and thought he thought he meant the clucking kind, but when he realized his position, he wailed and crossed his legs, face redder than a Maxim Tomato.

"_You... you!"_ He sputtered, teeming with some emotion crossed between anger and embarrassment. _"You... didn't...!"_

"Aw, man!" he laughed. "Wait 'til Marth hears about this! Ike got beat up... By a little girl!"

With that, he sprinted off, calling for the equally, if not more, girly swordsman.

"_N-no!"_ Lucas scrambled to get up, throwing his... her... _its_ pants on. _"Shut up! D-don't you go say that!"_

Pushing past Ness, he darted out the door after Pit. Ness simply continued to stare at where he'd just been, the image of... _that _forever burned into his once-pure little mind.

* * *

Not that far down the hallway was the Smash Lounge, a room where, up until that point, no one remembered them having. Everyone could've sworn it used to be a closet or something... Inside, sat Ike, Peach, and Falco, all taking full advantage of the "lounging" part.

"Since when did we have a lounge?" asked Ike, sipping some coffee.

"Since now, apparently," answered Falco with a shrug.

Peach drank some tea. "You have to admit, it was a nice add-on, though. It's a nice place to just sit and relax from the—"

She was cut off by Pit as he hurriedly stumbled in, holding onto the door's frame and panting.

Falco frowned. "...You were saying?"

"H-hey, guys! Is Marth in here?! Has anyone seen Marth?!" he questioned once he caught his breath.

"Sorry, he's in a fight at the moment," said Peach.

"...Okay, well, nevermind then! Listen to this!"

"Not now," growled Falco. "We're in the middle of something."

He ignored him. "You'll never guess what I just found out about Lucas!"

"Who cares?" Ike refused to acknowledge him, especially since it concerned the little weirdo who handed him his ass at lunch.

"I think you guys will after you hear that... _Lucas is a girl!"_

Everyone snapped up at that, looking at Pit as if he were some sort of winged mutant making up lies about people's gender... Oh, right.

"Pit, you're such a hypocrite," sighed the bird.

"What?"

"Well, that's not very nice! Stop calling Lucas names! You're not exactly Mr. Manly yourself!" huffed Peach.

He blushed. "N-no! That's not the point! Seriously! I mean, he's really a girl! And I don't mean that figuratively! I'll have you know I actually saw..." He cleared his throat, "...proof."

Falco raised an eyebrow. "Really, now? Too bad there's such a big difference between _seeing _proof and _having_ proof."

At that moment, Lucas charged in, ready to go medieval on Pit's pansy ass when he was forced to stop, due to the fact there were witnesses.

The angel cringed slightly when he noticed Lucas' sudden new development of insanity. The others weren't even fazed. For some reason, none of them seemed to notice how the blonde looked so ready and eager to defeather Pit for a nice chicken dinner.

"Lucas, dear," soothed Peach. "You have impeccable timing. Due to the fact Pit won't shut up about this apparent sex change you have, care to elaborate on the details?"

"...What details?" he coolly scoffed, turning his shoulder snootily. "He's lying. Just trying to cover up for himself, obviously..."

The angel fumed. "Oh, now don't you go pointing the finger at me! Me and Ness both saw it! Look, look! See? Ness saw it, too, didn'tcha?!"

Out of morbid curiosity, Ness decided to follow, hoping for random, unnecessary violence. Unfortunately, the bill of his hat decided to give him a big "screw you" to the face by showing an inch of itself around the corner. Because of that, Pit made light of his presence to everyone in the room. As a witness, he soon came to the horrible realization that he was caught between a rock and a hard place.

"Oh? Is that so?" questioned the allegedly only girl. "Well, that's different. I don't think Ness would be nearly as extravagant with his claims. So, what exactly did _you_ see?"

Well, this certainly was a fine kettle of fish. Nice smelly, rotten fish with scurvy. If he told the truth, Lucas would kill him. If he lied, Pit would bust his wings to expose Lucas, who'd eventually come back to kill them both. He slightly glanced at Lucas to see he was staring him down, just waiting for him to confirm what he saw.

If Ness had to describe Lucas' usual expressions in one word, it would be 'baby deer caught in headlights'. Okay, that was five words, but it fit. Now he stared at him like some sort of... crazy, demonic two-headed buck from Hell. ...Something told him it was in his best interest he lied.

"...I didn't see anything. Pit must've been seeing things, 'cuz I sure didn't..."

He gasped. "_What?!_ B-b-but you _did _see! I know you did! I saw it, too! Remember how speechless we were?!"

Peach smiled a smile that clearly said, 'Oh, you crazy freak of nature, I'm inclined to feel sorry for you because you're a total nutjob'. "Pit, maybe you simply..._ thought_ you saw... whatever you saw. Perhaps wishful thinking?"

Falco and Ike snorted at that, high-fiving each other in the process.

"But I didn't! I know what I saw, and I saw a—!"

"Okay, that's enough of that," Slightly flushing in discomfort, the princess proceeded to push him out and down the hall. "Maybe Mario can play doctor and... help you out, okay?"

"_What?!"_ He flailed about frantically. _"You think I'm crazy, don't you?!"_

"Of course not! We should probably just... see what he thinks about this..."

"_Well, I'm not crazy! __**You're **__crazy!"_ He glared back at Lucas. _"He's crazy! Or, should I say, __**she's **__crazy! Hahahahaha!"_

"Well, that was stupid," said Falco, leaving. "I'm getting outta here. Buncha crazy kids..."

"Me, too," scoffed Ike, shuddering at Lucas as he passed him on the way out. "...Think I'll go smack Sandbag around for a bit..."

* * *

Back in the room, Lucas smugly sashayed back in, Ness inertly closing the door and sitting on his bed again. He wasn't sure there was much else that could be said at that point.

"Ness, what you saw earlier..." Lucas smiled almost seductively. "It was nothing. You saw nothing and Pit saw nothing, especially if you two hadn't have been roughhousing and leaving potentially dangerous items all over the floor. I could've hit my head on the table behind me and hurt myself. And then what?"

"..." Ness couldn't think of anything to say, so he remained silent. He felt like he was being lectured by his mom. ...That can't have been good.

Assuming he got the point, he smiled. "Well, I suppose I should've been a little more careful, too, so... I guess I can't be too mad."

"..."

He tittered slightly, placing a hand on Ness' shoulder. "Just try not to do it again, okay?"

Dear sweet pancakes, so many times in the past had they come in contact with each other. Lucas was always so soft and smooth to the touch, having absolutely no sturdiness to him at all. He now found it laughable at how many times he said to himself, "Holy crap, he feels like a_ girl_. He needs some roughage."

Guys weren't that soft and delicate, they just weren't! Marth was a different story, but_ still_! Now that he knew he was actually a girl, there was no telling what was going on that crazy, emotionally-filled tampon of a brain of his. He knew absolutely nothing about women, and since Lucas was apparently one now, he couldn't help but feel a little... intimidated. His best friend, partner, and companion he'd known for some duration of time wasn't what he thought he was.

All those times he tried to toughen him up by smacking him over the head with something large and blunt, all the effort he put into teaching him how to make disgusting noises with his armpits, and after all the blood, sweat, and tears they shed in doing things so unimaginably stupid, only someone with no brain and pants chock full of testosterone could do, he was crushed to discover the ugly truth...

He did all that with a _girl_!

The very thought of them dancing around and having pillow fights in their manly man boxers, only to now know Lucas had girly girl parts made him cringe in fear.

He was like some sort of alien now! And he hated aliens with a passion. That was also bad for the situation at hand.

Noticing how out of it Ness was, Lucas scoffed and climbed into bed. After turning and tussling for a bit, he was fast asleep.

After what just took place, Ness felt like he should do the same. He'd officially been robbed of all remaining stamina for the night. Not even in the mood to change out of his clothes, he simply flopped stomach-first onto the sheets, stuffing the pillow over his head. All was calm, peaceful... and very awkward... That was, until Red barged in.

"Hey, Ness!"

"Not now," he muttered, annoyed.

"We got a Special Brawl to get to! Me and you, right now! Let's go!"

"I said, not now."

"Why not?" The trainer pouted. "Don't tell me you're hitting the sack already! It's barely after six! Come on, let's go!"

"Get lost. Go kill Lucario, or something..."

"Fine," he huffed. "I bet Lucas'll wanna go at it, though. Right, pal?"

He would've lost that bet for sure, as Lucas was sound asleep, gently snoring.

"Luke?" Red blinked in confusion, surprised he didn't get a response. Going over to the blonde, he poked him several times in the back of the head. "Hey, uh, Luke? D'ya hear what I said? Let's go have it all out!"

After a few pokes, Lucas sat up, frowning and grumbling. "...Red... Totally rude..." He rubbed his head. "Waking people up like that..."

"Oh, you were asleep?"

"Uh, yeah?" He said, in a 'Well, duh' tone.

"Ooh. Well, uh, sorry about that. But hey, since you're up, how about a nice little fight, huh?"

"No... I don't feel like it..." He yawned. "Maybe tomorrow..."

He frowned. "Aw, c'moooon! Don't tell me you're playing sick, too? You're supposed to be the cool one, not like old stick-in-the-mud Ness. Just a little scuffle, then; two minutes? No items?"

"Red, please go away. I'm not up for anything right now. Not against you or anyone else, so..." He returned to laying down, "do us all a favor and see yourself out..."

"Pleeeeeeease?" he whined, shaking his shoulders. "I'm in a rut because Mario cheated and totally thrashed Charizard and he's feelin' kinda down, so..."

Again, Lucas sat up, looking ready to dismember someone. "Red, last warning... Knock it off, or else."

"Okay, a Stock Match, then! One-on-one, no holds bar! See, 'cuz if Charizard loses again, maybe I can—"

"_**GET OUT!"**_ Lucas screeched, hauling Red out the door and slamming it behind him. Huh, Ness guessed the old saying was true: Hell hath no fury like a woman's... fury.

"Yeah, well," Red cleared his throat, being thrown out of a room by someone less than half his size a little more than embarrassing, "I know how busy you are, so I'll just catch up with you later then, all right?"

Brushing it off, as he was just too smooth to make mistakes, the trainer was ready to go and annoy someone else when he was pushed to the ground by someone who was obviously feeling just as aggravated.

"Red!" shouted Pit, slamming into him. "Listen, don't say anything! Just hear me out!"

"Oh, yeah, just knock me off my feet, why don'tcha?" he growled, on the ground and rubbing his head. "I really enjoyed it."

"Forget that! Quick, I gotta tell you something! You're probably the only one who can help me here! No one else believes me!"

"And what makes you think_ I_ will?"

"Because it involves Lucas! Don't you have a... thing for him?"

His face reddened slightly. Whether it was from anger or embarrassment was anyone's guess. "Just what're you getting at?"

"Don't play dumb. Everyone knows how you're always trying to get him back to your room. Plus, you're so touchy-feely around him, you'd think the kid was made of flypaper or something. Unfortunately for you, Ness and Lucas are like this." He crossed his fingers. "Am I right, or am I right?"

"..." He must've been right, because Red only glowered at him.

"Just think about it. Is that fair? To you? Probably the only guy around here who really cares about how Lucas feels? The one who's always there to offer a talk, or a pat on the back? Only to have Ness barge in and yank Lucas out of your grip, dragging him off to do who-knows-what with him?"

Red continued to glare, taking this all into consideration.

"Everyone knows he hasn't been... acting quite normal for the last month or so, but who's the only one who actually stands around and waits for him to start bawling before offering him some chocolate?"

He shrugged offhandedly. "W-well, it's not like anyone else does anything for 'em! I-I'm just tryin' to help out!"

"Good!" He slapped his back. "Now that we're on the same page, maybe you'll hear me out."

Red frowned, pretty much knowing he'd regret it. "...All right what is it?"

"Lucas is a girl!" he shouted excitedly, as if that was a good thing. Too bad Red didn't see it that way.

"What a poser! Pit, I knew you were a hypocrite, but this is just sad!"

"No, listen! I actually saw full-blown proof that Lucas was a girl! She had a certain... thing that guys like you and me, er, don't have."

He scoffed. "You mean guys like _me_."

The other Smasher frowned. "Knock it off, all right? I'm being serious here."

"This is some kind of trick, isn't? To get me in trouble for something you did?"

The angel looked offended. "Why, Red! I'm appalled! Now, when have I ever done something like that?"

He raised an eyebrow. Immediately, both of them knew what he meant.

"Aw, it wasn't that bad. The basement was only flooded for two weeks, and the fires were put out eventually!"

He shook it off. "Whatever. My point still stands. I'm not about to get tied up another one of your harebrained schemes." He began walking off. "Goodbye."

"Oh, okay then. It's all right if you don't believe me..." He rocked back and forth on his heels. "I mean, even though Ness clearly saw it, too, I don't think that's gonna change anything. Nope, not at all..."

Red stopped in his tracks. "What?"

"Ness and I both saw it, but he doesn't wanna raise any questions, so he's denying it. Probably 'cuz he doesn't want everyone homing in on Lucas now that he's—" He chortled, correcting himself, "I mean, _she's_ available."

The handler of Pokémon stormed back over. "What do you mean by that? What was that supposed to mean? I'm not about to get roped into this again, I'm telling you!"

The angel changed the subject. "Can't even have a little private time with her without Ness barging in? Who does that guy think he is? I bet he thinks Lucas is _all_ his. She's his territory, and he can do as much with her as he likes. And you know how Lucas is. Who's she to protest? Hey, for all we know Ness could be forcing to her to do... some unspeakable things..."

He backed up. "Okay, you're really starting to creep me out. And stop calling Lucas a girl. He's just as much of a dude as me."

"How would you know?"

"I can sense these kinds of things! I know him better than anybody! Of course I should know!"

"Have ever seen her in bathroom?"

"Of course! I—"

He quickly rephrased himself. "Have you ever seen her_ using _the bathroom?"

Red was shocked to say it, but he had to. "...No..."

"All right, then. I can tell you're still not convinced, so how 'bout this? Uh, if you help me out, I'll... see if I can... do something in return. What do you want? Some private time with Lucas, or something? Away from Ness, maybe behind the house or something."

"...You'll what?"

"Seriously, no joke. I'll just…" He scratched his head. "I-I-I'll do something to keep him outta your hair. But only if you help me with this."

He crossed his arms. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

"I don't know. I have to sleep on it. We really need to do something, but I won't be able to pull this off on my own, so," He held out his hand, "are you in or out?"

The trainer sneered, reluctantly shaking it. "Fine... But this better work. And if anything goes wrong, it's all your fault."

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Oh, come on. Red was practically begging to get in on this somehow._


	3. Proving the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ Oh, great. I don't think this story's only gonna be 5 chapters. Once again, I fail at making story predictions. XD_

* * *

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 3:_**_ Proving the Undeniable_

* * *

Ness unconsciously woke up the next day to the sound of his roommate prancing around the room as if practicing for some sort of ballet. This was normal of course, but now that his roommate was no longer a dude, it was the only metaphor he could think of.

"...Can you keep down a bit?" He grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Some people are trying to sleep."

Lucas ignored him with a simple "Hmph" as he took off his pajama top, throwing it in the corner of the room. Ness was about to resume sleeping when, instead, he shot straight up, realizing a _girl_ had just taken off her shirt. He choked a little as Lucas pranced over, digging in the nightstand for something he didn't care about because his eyes were too busy glued to his chest, which was, unfortunately, still flat.

...

...Unfortunately?

_Unfortunately?_

**_UNFORTUNATELY?!_**

**_Why did he just say that?! Since when was Lucas being flat-chested be a bad thing?!_**

That little sneak, being a girl, but fooling everyone else into thinking he was a guy 'cuz he didn't have boobs yet. He still looked like a dude in the upper body, but it was only a matter of time before he had to start wearing--

**_...Why was he even thinking about this?! _**

Lucas finally found whatever he was looking for, but being the clumsy oaf he was, he dropped it and it rolled under the bed. Sighing, he bent down to chase after it, only his shorts visible from beneath the mattress. Again, Ness' eyes threw all morality out the window and tuned in on his arse as it wiggled about, showing he was either looking for what he dropped or making out with the floor. ...And here he was, staring at his chick friend's particularly nice butt. Yeah, the fun never sto--

What the hell?! Particularly nice?! It wasn't nice! No, it'd never been nice, and it never would be! ...Well, okay, it kinda was... No, it wasn't! Why was he thinking this?! He was supposed to be busy sleeping, not looking at Lucas inadvertently try to make a move on him! This had to stop.

Unable to take it anymore, he stood up and dove under the bed.

Lucas gasped. "Ness, what're you—"

The flustered boy didn't answer. Instead, he scoured the underside of the bed, finally coming across what Lucas had dropped; a small bottle of some sort. Reaching over, he quickly grabbed it and sprang back up, Lucas coming out after him.

"Here!" he growled, thrusting the bottle into his face. "Now, stop mooning me!"

"Oh... I was... I, uh..." He blushed upon realizing it. "I'm sorry. Guess I was looking for it a little too hard."

Ness frowned. "Yeah... You were." _Oh, but you were enjoying it, weren't you, dirty boy?_ asked his conscious. Boy, did he hate that guy, especially when he was right.

"Okay, well, uh, thanks." Lucas gently brushed past him, headed for the bathroom. "'cuse me."

Ness shuddered. _Oh, man, that sounded and felt so **girly...!**_

And of course, he had to get dressed in the bathroom. He respected privacy as much as the next guy, but knowing it was now mandatory made him want to gag. There was no telling what he was putting where and doing what. The whole thing was the definition of awkward; imagine what the walls would say if they could talk... Oh, great. Now he was experiencing inexplicable nosebleeds. Could this get any worse?

* * *

Apparently, it could, and it did. Their little morning antics were nothing compared to what they'd encounter in the lunchroom. Yes, that's where the madness truly began. Ness knew something was gonna go down when he noticed Pit and Red huddling together behind an unusually large fern he never remembered seeing anywhere in the house before. Both were apparently trying to be secret agents, with Pit wearing and speaking into some weird headgear and Red scrambling with an earpiece. Snake would occasionally make his way over and asked if they called, to which the two responded by shooing him off, grumbling something about an interrupted frequency. After some whispering and planning, Red finally emerged, strolling casually across the floor as if hiding behind large, inexplicably-placed plants was all the rage.

"Hey, Luke!" he smiled, striding up. "How's it goin', man?"

He snuffed him. "Go away, Red. I'm still mad from last night, you know."

He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "Er, sorry about that. I guess the adrenaline was pumping, and having Mario kick Charizard's butt didn't exactly help."

"Oh, well..." He shuffled a bit, poking his lip out, then huffing. "Well, since you apologized, I guess maybe I can let it go. Just don't do it again, please. It was very annoying."

"Great!" He slapped his back. "That's what I like about you, Lucas; you never hold a grudge! We need more people like you around here."

He smirked. "Well, I think it would give this place a gentler essence."

Wow, that made absolutely no sense, seeing as that's the last thing a fighting tournament needed. Whoever said blondes had more fun must've meant it in the worst way possible.

"Speaking of which, uh..." Red paused and held a hand to his ear, as if listening for something. "Your hair looks really nice today."

Oh, boy. Here it goes. If anyone ever so much as said, "Nice do" to Lucas, some product of swindling must've been in the works. Ness saw it coming a mile away, but decided to lay low until Red pulled out rope and duct tape, or starting dropping sleeping pills in the blonde's drink while no one was looking. He also noticed Pit talking into the machinery, obviously telling him what to say. Whatever they were planning to do, it was gonna be lame.

"Ooh, well, thank you..." Lucas gushed a little, smoothing out his hair, which was impossible, since it was already smoother than anything should be without breaking some sort of law of physic. "I_ did_ recently switch to another brand of shampoo..."

Red nodded, hand to his ear again. "Mm-hmm! And boy, did it work! You sure are glowing today! Very stunning, if I do say so myself!"

"You... think so? Really?" He blushed. "...Anything else?"

"Um..." Red put a hand to his ear again, but frowned when heard nothing come from it. Turns out Pit had been discovered by Mario, who was asking him all sorts of questions about where he got the technology and the potted plant from.

"Well?" he urged, blinking adoringly at him. Ness' face automatically contorted at that.

Red scrambled with something to say. "Uh, well, uh... Er, have you been dieting lately? You look great!"

"Oh, I'm n—" The conversation came to a screeching halt as he scowled. "...Oh, so you're trying to say I needed to go on diet?"

"Yes, I—" Red's smile disappeared as he gasped. "No! No, no! That's not what I meant! _That's not what I meant!"_

He glared. "Yes, it is. What're you trying to say? That I needed to drop a few pounds?"

"No, no! You look good! You've always looked good!"

Lucas stood and began advancing on him. "You're lying, aren't you? Trying to put out some hints? Trying to tell me something I don't know?"

Red backed up, waving his hands in defense. "Luke, you and I both know how great you've always looked! Even when you first got here, I was all, 'Oh, wow. Now that guy's got it going on!' Really!"

Oh, thanks, Red. Yeah, everyone needed to know your disgusting lust for Lucas. Such a nice reminder.

The blonde shook his head, still frowning. "You're such a horrible liar."

"N-no, seriously! Fine, I'll prove it! I'll give you a second opinion!" He pulled out a Poké Ball. "Squirtle, get out here!"

Appearing on the scene, the turtle frowned. ("...Oh, Red. What did you this time?")

"N-nothing!" He held him close as a shield against Lucas' impending wrath. "I was just telling Lucas here how great he looks today, even better than usual! Right? Doesn't he look all nice and toned and pretty?"

He examined him and raised an eyebrow. ("Actually, he looks like he's starting to pack on a few pounds. Maybe you should lay off the sweets.")

Eenh, wrong answer.

**_"YOU JERK!"_** he snarled, dashing forward and plowing his fist into Squirtle's stomach. This wouldn't have been so bad if a PK Thunder weren't attached to it.

Seeing this, Red dropped him and ran. Unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough, as Lucas easily caught up and plowed his face into the floor.

"So, you think I'm fat, huh?! You know what?! People like you need to knock it off!"

_"When he said 'fat', he meant the 'ph' kind, I swear!"_ pleaded the trainer.

He wasn't buying it. The two continued to have it out on the floor, Lucas holding Red's hair and slamming his face into the ground. After that, a chokehold, then another taste of the floor. Fortunately, Lucas' hurt feelings cut into the massacre, and he let the trainer go early, already starting to cry. Finally released, Red scrambled to his feet, recalled a bewildered Squirtle with a brash, "Thanks for nothing!", and ran off. Seeing the plan had failed, Pit emerged from his 'hiding place' and followed him out the door.

Lucas continued bawling, but since messing with it usually made it worse, everyone pulled out some earplugs Mario had offered them about a week ago and ignored it. Ness has some, too, but he roomed with him; ignoring him now meant death later. Sighing, he went over to at least try to stop the waterworks.

The blonde noticed him, his bawling dying down into snorts and sniffles. "...Hey, Ness...? Um, do I... Do I look fat to you?"

Ness frowned. He probably wouldn't have thought such a thing if Red hadn't pointed it out. It was true he actually had gotten a bit chubby in the last few weeks, but he wasn't gonna be a loser and say that.

More than used to this behavior, he nonchalantly sighed. "Oh, don't listen to Red. You know how much of a weirdo he is. He's just trying to make you mad." What a dumb thing to say; Lucas was gonna tear him a new one after that.

Instead, Lucas immediately perked up, sniffling. "Really?"

He blinked, surprised that worked. "...Yeah."

"So..." He sniffled again. "So, you don't think I look fat?"

"No," he flatly said, being a terrible liar himself.

Lucas was either really naive or in denial, because he believed him. Standing and containing his incessant sniveling, he smiled.

"Oh, thank you, Ness. I could tell you really meant that." He hugged him. "You're a real friend."

Oh, great. Girl juices all over his shirt. He could practically smell the estrogen coming from it. No self-respecting dude would do this, which should've raised his suspicions months ago. This was paradise.

* * *

No, not even that was as bizarre as what happened next. And Ness wasn't even around to see it. He didn't have to; that's how bizarre it was.

"Thanks a lot for helping me out back there!" growled Red, as he and Pit scrambled into the bathroom. "Yeah, I sure do love getting mauled by little, sexy people!"

"Oh, just shut up and get in here!" spat the other, pulling him in and slamming the door, leaning against it. "It's not my fault I got discovered! Cut me a break!"

"That's it, Pit. I knew this was just a plot to get me in trouble! You can keep doing this crap if you want to, but I'm out!" He stood angrily in front of the door. "Now, move it! I don't need you to get Lucas to like me!"

"Listen, I've got a good plan to make up for your sucky one! Really, this one will work! Just hear me out!"

"Pit, if you don't get outta my way—"

He went on. "You and the Pokés all stay in here and take up the stalls, and when Lucas comes in, she'll have no choice but to go in the girl's room! Meanwhile, I'll go get Jigglypuff, and while she's in there, I'll 'accidentally' walk in and expose her! Jigglypuff's such a loud mouth, it should be all over the house before supper! Now, you know this is gonna work!"

"That plan's even dumber than you are! Besides, there're too many stalls. I—"

He was quickly silenced as Pit slapped an "Out of Order" sign on the last stall. "There. You plus the Pokés equals four. Problem solved."

Red frowned. "Even so, how can you 'accidentally' walk into the wrong bathroom? What? You been in there before or something?"

Pit fumed. "No! It happens sometimes! And no one's gonna care about that after they find out about Lucas! If anything, I bet they'll be thanking me for bringing it to their attention!"

"Even if that does work..." He made a face. "Ivysaur's a girl. I think her being in here might raise some suspicion."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah." He looked at him blankly. "Really."

He rubbed his chin. "...Well, I doubt Lucas knows, because I sure didn't. Let's just run with it and see what happens."

The trainer sighed. "And what makes you think this'll even work?"

"Well, your plan sure went over like a lead balloon."

"Only 'cuz you messed me up!"

"That wasn't my—"

"All right, all right! Whatever!" He released his Pokémon. "Let's just get this over with..."

"Good!" He leaned again the wall. "Guess we'll have to play the waiting game now."

"Not necessarily. Lunch just ended, and he always goes right afterwards. He should be in here soon, give or take a few mintues. Lucas works like clockwork."

Pit inched away. "...And how would you know that?"

"Let's just say I have a good perception of him." He glowered. "And stop calling Lucas a 'she'. That's really starting to get annoying."

"Ew. Well... you stay in here and... have more... perceptions or whatever about her," he responded, still referring to Lucas as a female. "I need to go get Jiggly. She should be finishing a match, so I'll catch her then." He made his way out. "And don't mess this one up!"

"Ooh, 'And don't mess this one up! Because I'm so insecure about my gender, so I'm trying to pin my female hormones on someone else! Ooooh!'" Red mocked, prancing about. "Dork."

Despite this, he called out his Pokémon, who all scowled at him.

"Well, you heard the weirdo. Get in the stalls," he commanded.

Ivysaur frowned. ("Red, is all of this really necessary?")

("Yeah,") added Squirtle. ("There has to be an easier way to do this.")

"Aw, don't worry. This way's much quicker. The sooner we expose Lucas, the better!" He frowned. "Or the sooner we find out it was all a hoax, the faster you'll get to murder Pit."

Charizard wrinkled his snout. ("Oh, boy. A win-win situation, I see.")

"Whatever." He pushed the three along into the stalls. "He should be any minute, so stay put until he does."

With that, he sat in a stall himself and waited. Sure enough, about 45.8 seconds later, Lucas scurried in, more than relieved no one was at the urinals. Unfortunately, his relief was short-lived as he noticed all the stalls were occupied, the only empty one being broken. Gosh, was his luck rotten. What did he do? Break a mirror somewhere?

"Uh, 'cuse me? Whoever's in there?" He called out. "Uh, you gonna be much longer... I have to go..."

"Ooh, uh... Hello, Luke," responded Red. "Fancy seeing you in here again."

"Oh, it's _you_." He sneered, all meekness flying out the window. "And the Pokémon, too?"

"Yeah! Sorry, but I don't think we'll be coming out for a while... We, uh, had a lot of prune juice for lunch! It was the only thing left after they ran out of, uh, everything else!"

He kicked the door as a warning sign not to screw with him. "You wouldn't be_ lying_, would you? _Again?"_

"Oh, no! Seriously! I mean, even Charizard's in here, and I don't think you'd want to be around with a dragon full of prune juice on the toilet. Isn't that right, Charizard?"

Said dragon clicked his toenails on the floor indecisively, as if trying to make the situation any less awkward. ("I suggest you leave us to suffer, Lucas. This won't be very, er... pretty.")

He winced. "...You sure?"

("More than you think we are,") added Squirtle.

"Ooh..." Lucas twisted his legs together, rocking back and forth to contain himself. Curse him for having such a weak bladder. "...Ah, er, fine then."

Muttering to himself, he quickly darted outside, the door slamming behind him. Red chose this time to stick his head out, as well as the three only reasons he was considered a Smasher.

"Pit, you loser, this better work," he muttered. Recalling the Pokémon, he stepped out in time to see the door to the girls' room flop back and forth as someone had entered. Time to haul ass.

* * *

Right on time, Jigglypuff and Luigi exited their fight, the green guy coming in dead last. Of course, that was expected, but this time was just plain pitiful.

The younger Mario brother rubbed his head. "You know, that last shot was a cheap trick. You got five Smash Balls, and when I finally got one, you knocked it out of me!"

("Whatev.") She would've snapped her fingers if she had them. ("Don't be a hater just because I won. You were destined to lose once we started, anyway.")

Luigi was about to retort with something that would get him smacked down when Pit ran up.

"Hey, uh, Jiggly? Do me a favor and follow me to the girls' bathroom." He grabbed her arm. "I think there's something in there you need to see."

She frowned. ("And how would you know? Have you been snooping around in there and taking the soap bars again?")

He facepalmed and sighed. "...No. Look, just come with me, okay? I seriously think something weird might be going on in there."

("Something weird _you _did?")

"Fine. If you don't believe me, I'll just have to show you myself!" Picking her up, he dashed off to the ladies' room.

The ball only sighed. ("With you so eager to show it off, I know this is going to be good...")

* * *

If there was one knew Peach knew about this crazy reality TV show set of a house she currently stayed in, it was always to expect the unexpected. No matter what anything seemed like it could be, she always had to try and see it as something else. Cute, little Pikachu? A ravenous murderer bent on the destruction of everything in sight. Tough guy Snake? A fruity-tooty softie who grew the flowers in the backyard and thrived on giving hugs to himself. Carefree, happy-go-lucky Yoshi? An evil genius with a giant, nuclear warhead stationed under the house, with plans of setting it off at the end of the tournament. Yes, during her time there, expecting the unexpected always meant you were one step ahead of the competition.

But she didn't think to apply this while in the confines of the women's bathroom. Oh, what a foolish mistake. She simply went in to do her business. With not even half a dozen of girls in this thing, she didn't expect to strike up a conversation with anyone. Such a thing was nearly impossible, as 90% of the time, the place was empty.

...Oh, but what's this? Someone was actually in there this time! She smiled. Maybe it was Zelda, and the two could go back to her room and sit around, talking about how inept their "heroic saviors" were, saving them time and time again, instead of doing something to stop their captors once and for all.

Walking by the first stall, she could see feet carelessly swinging back and forth under the door, ruling out the idea of it being Zelda... or Samus. Or Jigglypuff. They obviously belonged to a kid, but what gal wore these shoes? Nana was the only one who qualified, but she wore cleats all the time, so who was—?

She didn't have to wonder long when the toilet flushed, the stall opened, and out stepped Lucas. The two locked eyes and instantly froze.

The princess smiled, feeling sorry for the poor, sexually-confused kid. "Sweetie... What're you doing in here? This is the ladies' room."

His blush was uncontainable. "Uh, the... the other one was out of order..."

"It shouldn't be; we just had a R.O.B. maintenance check in there last week."

"Well..." He shrugged. "It was..."

Taking into the consideration how easily Lucas got pushed around, Peach had a feeling another one of the kids somehow lured him in there. If her women's intuition was right, and it always was, she knew exactly who was to blame.

She took his hand and briskly walked out. "Well, we'll just have to see about that. Something's up."

She dragged the child along as they exited and charged in to the men's room, getting odd looks from a bypassing Sonic and Dedede. No sooner had she left, Pit charged up with Jigglypuff, dashing into the ladies' room. At this, the penguin and hedgehog made a hasty exit, not even wanting to begin to know what this was all about.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the men's, Mario and Pikachu, who were having a chat near the sinks flinched as Peach busted in.

"H-h-hey! Y-you can't be in here! This is--!" gasped the plumber.

"Outta the way, Mario!" She shoved him aside, going over to the last stall. "I need to check something!"

("Huh?") Pikachu blinked. ("Hey, don't go in there! That one's broken!")

She kicked it open and approached the toilet. It flushed perfectly, causing her frown to darken. Mario and Pikachu only looked at each in confusion as Lucas gasped in realization.

"Works just fine to me!" She sneered, tearing off the 'Out of Order' sign. "All right, someone's going to be in big trouble for this." She turned to the blonde. "Who were in the other stalls?"

"Red and his Pokémon..."

* * *

At that moment, Jigglypuff stormed out of the girls' room, Pit pleading behind her. ("You're such a loser, Pit! I'm totally going to report you when I get the chance!")

"B-but! There really was something in there you needed to see!" He looked around frantically. "Uh, uh! She has to be around somewhere! Really! I'm serious!"

("Yeah, right!") She walked off. ("The next you want to play a joke on somebody, kindly leave out of it! Now, goodbye!")

Seeing the plan was a failure, and Red standing around looking dumbfounded, he stomped over to him. "Red!"

"What?!"

"Where's Lucas?!"

"How should I know?! He's supposed to be in the bathroom!"

"Well, she's not!"

"That's not my fault! I saw him go in there!"

Just then, a loud voice angrily shouted, _"Red!"_

The trainer made a face. "...Well, that doesn't sound good..."

Pit winced. "Uh, who was that?"

Peach stormed out of the bathroom, still holding onto Lucas. "Red! You stop right there! Don't you run away from me!"

"I-I-I'm not running!" He nervously laughed, sprinting off. "I'm, uh, jogging! Yeah, that's it! Jogging! Uh, love to talk, but I gotta run! Er, jog!"

"Red, I'm warning you!" She pulled out her parasol, coming down to him. "Don't you run from me! I'm sick of your nonsense!"

He feigned innocence. "What nonsense? I didn't do anything!"

"Yes, you did! Stop where you are!" She glared at Pit, who also looked ready to bail. "Pit! Stay right there! You're in on this, too! Don't you go anywhere! I mean it!"

"Um... S-sorry, but I gotta go... I think I hear uh, um, Ike calling for me!" He darted for a nearby door. "Later!"

**_"Ooh, you two make me so sick!"_** she screeched, stopping and stomping her foot.

"Why's he doing this?" whimpered Lucas, rubbing his face and ready to cry... again. "Red's been such a meanie lately, and I don't know why... H-he keeps doing all this mean stuff to me... a-and... and... and..." He let the waterfall of tears finish for him.

"Oh, bless your little heart," she cooed, cuddling him. "It's okay. There's nothing wrong with using the girl's room. When you gotta go, you gotta go. It's all those dumb boys' fault."

Walking by, Link, Ike, and Bowser chuckled at that, with a distant mutter of, "What a loser..." somewhere in the mix. At that, Lucas' bawling got worse, and the three soon felt the wrath of Vegetables and a mach-speed parasol.

* * *

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ You can just tell by all the failure in this chapter Lucas is gonna be exposed sooner than one may think. XD_


	4. Challenging the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Oh, wow. It just gets more and more complicated._

* * *

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 4:_**_ Challenging the Undeniable_

* * *

Time was of literally no value in the tournament, so a week had already flown by before Red or Pit tried anything new. Maybe it was because Master Hand finally caught up to them and punished them for their shenanigans. How should someone like Ness know? He was too busy worrying about how insanely feminine his once-manly partner was being. Okay, time to take that back; Lucas was never manly. Regardless, hanging around with a girl without anyone to talk to about it was really mind-numbing.

Such a thing was just water off everyone else's back. No, nobody noticed how devoid of testosterone he now was. No, nobody cared how attractive was starting to look. And no, they didn't care how close they were to referring to him as a girl in the sense of pronouns; a simple slip of the tongue it was, and that's all. But maybe that was because they didn't know how right they their secret assumptions really were. Even Peach, being the most feminine thing on the grounds, failed to notice she was starting to have tea parties with another of her kind. All she saw she looked at Lucas was a boy with a good head on his shoulders. And all she saw when she looked at actual men were barbaric, violent pigs who ate each other for lunch and smelled like dirty socks and rotten ham. How appropriate.

But Ness didn't feel like worrying about that, especially since everyone else would find out about Lucas' little secret sooner or later. His thoughts were rudely interrupted by Pikachu, who most likely enjoyed doing such a thing.

("Hey, Spaghetti.") He looked around. ("Where's Meatballs?")

Ness frowned. "Oh, yeah. That allegory's real nice."

("I mean Lucas, loser. Where is he? We got a fight.")

"How should I know?"

("How shouldn't you know?")

"Go away."

("Not until you tell me where Meatballs went.")

"I don't know."

Frowning, he walked off. ("You suck.")

"So says the sucker."

Well, that certainly woke him up from his mind mindlessly rambling. And just in time for lunch? Well, sorta. According to the conveniently-placed clock in the corner of the room, he was a little over an hour late. He had about 48 minutes left to eat. More than enough time to run down to the mess hall, stuff himself silly, then sit around for the rest of the day doing nothing, since he wasn't scheduled for another fight until tomorrow afternoon. Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

* * *

Ness scolded himself as he sat down with his food. In this place, plans were stupid and never worked. Why? Because stupidity had finally decided to rear its ugly head after a week of absence. And boy, would it be a stinker. He could already tell by Pit's unkempt plumage and the pedophiliac sparkle in Red's eyes. But Lucas wasn't bothered by this at all, daintily picking at his salad like some sort of nutritional-crazed rabbit.

"Um, Ness?" He deftly tapped his pal on the shoulder. "You mind handing me the dressing over there?"

He passed him a bottle of the stuff. Getting it, Lucas frowned. "Uh... I don't like this kind."

Also frowning, Ness exchanged it for another kind. Lucas smiled sheepishly.

"Ness, this one isn't low fat."

Low fat salad dressing?! Was everyone else around there brain-dead?! Not even Luigi was this nitpicky! Ness was starting to feel like he was in some sort of commitment with Lucas now, sitting around to tend to his needs, listen to him prattle on about things no one but women would care about, and always agreeing to every one of his opinions. Sighing, he passed him another one, making sure it fit his precious dietary needs. Finally satisfied, he smiled.

"Thank you," he cooed, squirting it all over his meal like he was writing the most pretentious calligraphy ever. Things like were that enough to kill a guy, let alone his appetite.

Oh, but the torture didn't stop there, as Pit suddenly stood on top of a vacant table and waved his arms and weapons about.

"Hey, everybody! Listen here!"

Nobody cared.

"No, seriously! This is very serious! It'd be in your best interests to listen to me! Your dignity is at stake!"

Everyone snapped up.

"...There be... a woman amongst us!"

Everyone suddenly gasped and looked horrified until Link spoke up. "Hey, wait! Of course they're women here! What's the big deal? And isn't that kind of a good thing?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that; I mean, there's a guy here who may be a little... girly."

Yoshi thought for a minute. ("...You?")

"NO!"

"Well, duh," said Bowser. "Everyone knows it's Marth."

The swordsman scowled. "I'm not a girl!"

"Of course you are. S'no shame in it," said Ike, snorting. "Go on, with your bad self."

Seeing Marth draw his sword, Pit commanded their attention again. "No, no, no! Listen! When I say this, I mean, there's a guy here who is, in all rights, an actual woman!"

Crickets chirped.

"...I mean, like, with women, girly parts and... stuff..."

All of the guys reared back. "Ew!"

Infuriated, Peach stood up, slamming her hands on the table. "All right, Pit! You've had it this time! Don't make me come over there!"

He hurried up his speech. "Anyway, I seriously think there's a traitor amongst us guys, and if you even have a shred of manly dignity left, you'll agree to proving it's not you!"

"Well," Mario said, "how hard can it be to prove it? This 'stache tells no tales."

"And I have one, too!" spouted Luigi. "So, I am oh-so-cleared!"

Ike stepped on his head. "Nobody cares... but there's no way you guys are calling me a chick."

"Me, neither!" Fox crossed his arms. "But Falco might be a different story."

The bird tightened his fist. "The more you say that, the more it proves how much of a loser you are! I'm not a girl, I've just got more style!"

Wario grimaced. "What a dolt! Men don't have style! That's so gross, and trust me, I know gross!"

Sonic kicked his feet up. "Well, I technically have a girlfriend, so I'm in the clear."

"...I didn't know that," said Snake, under a table. "If you really have a girl, you sure don't talk about her a lot."

He fell over. "W-w-well, maybe I just don't feel like it!"

"Yeah! And girlfriends don't matter!" spat Captain Falcon. "Bragging about them just shows how dependant you are on 'em, you know!"

Seeing his reason had gone over like a lead balloon, Sonic zipped over to the Ice Climbers. "All right! Fine, then! You guys all wanna know the difference between a boy and a girl?!"

"YEAH!" demanded about 90% of the battlers.

"Ew, no!" Kirby covered his eyes. "Tell me when it's over! I don't wanna look!"

Sonic slapped a hand on Popo. "THIS is a boy!" He did the same to Nana. "And THIS is a girl! There you go! Case closed!"

"Oh! I get it now!" sarcastically said Fox. "So, girls always wear pink, while guys don't!"

"Wow, guys and girls are easier to tell apart than I thought," said Toon Link, taking him a little too seriously.

"Does that mean Kirby's a girl?" asked Popo.

"NOOOOOOO!" howled the puffball. "I'm a boy! Really!"

("Then how come we never see you in the bathroom?") asked Yoshi, suddenly interested.

He shrugged. "I DON'T KNOW! I just don't do that! I don't have the necessary means to!"

"Because you're a girl."

"I'M NOT!"

"Hey, hey, if anyone's a girl it's Marth. Trust me, I can tell," scoffed Bowser.

Marth twitched, scowling at him. "WILL YOU PLEASE?!"

"Now, I'm a man!" shouted someone.

"I'm a guy, too!" said someone else.

Pit and Red smirked as the subject began to get out of hand. That's just what they wanted, too.

"I'm not a girl!"

"Me, neither!"

"I punch people and laugh at their pain, so that really makes me a man!"

"I do that, too!"

"Same here!"

"Don't forget me!"

"Me, too!" shouted Link, a little more excited over this than he should be. He grabbed the bottom of his tunic. "I got proof!"

"OH, NO!" Zelda shielded her eyes. "I take your word!"

("Hey, hey, hey, HEY!") growled Pikachu. ("Man, keep your pants ON! I am not about to claw my eyes out over this, all right?!")

"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about! It's so hard to prove now who's really a guy without going blind! The good thing is that Red and I have come up with the perfect solution!" Pit pulled out some targets. "We will prove our manliness with these!"

Wolf frowned. "How's smashing some targets going to prove that?"

"Oh, you're not gonna be breaking them. Let's just say we'll be... giving them some much-needed water."

Donkey Kong's mouth dropped. _("YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!")_

"That's so stupid!" Falco stood, leaving. "I'm not about to get caught up in something this insane! You guys can go on and make fools of yourselves if you want, but I'm out! See you losers later!"

"Okay, then, Ms. Falco!" Pit waved. "We'll see you later! It's a shame you can't piss on targets like real men can!"

"Gimme that target!" He charged over and snatched it away. "I'll show you who's the real chicken around here, chicken!"

"Please do!" Pit was just asking for an asskicking. He really was.

* * *

Several minutes later, everyone was outside, like the crowd of idiots they truly were. Ness couldn't believe he was actually gonna be a part of this. And, apparently, neither could Lucas, as he was trying his absolutely hardest to keep close to Ness. He had a hunch why, but the fact it had nothing to do with the target-hitting contest frightened and confused him...

"All right then! Everyone has to hit the target, and if you don't, you're officially a girl!" exclaimed Pit, hanging the target on a tree. He then tossed out water bottles to everyone. "If you don't have the urge to go, keep drinking these until you do! If you already have to go, give your water to someone else, please. Thank you."

"You guys aren't really going to go through with this, are you?!" demanded Zelda, suddenly annoyed.

Link didn't face her. "I'm sorry, Zelda, but you girls just wouldn't get it, even if you tried! Our name as men is at stake! If we chicken out now, we'll never live it down!"

Jigglypuff scowled. ("Well, as stupid as it is, I can't say any other activity would be as well-fitted for a bunch of insecure wimps.")

He shrugged. "Well, it sounds pretty harsh when you say it like that, but yeah."

"Good, then! You idiots can make even bigger fools out of yourselves if you want to, because I refuse to partake of this!" Peach paraded over to Lucas. "Come on, sweetie. Let's leave these dolts to their work and go do something that actually requires brain cells."

Lucas was more than ready to oblige when Ganondorf pulled him back. "Hey, I don't think so! He's in on it, too!"

"Oh, come on! He's got more sense than that! Don't force him!"

"Who cares about sense when you've got your manhood to prove?! He may not have much, but neither does Link, therefore, he's in on it, too!"

"I heard that!" growled his nemesis.

"Here, kid!" He pushed him over to a broken Party Ball that was full of slips of paper. "Pick a number so we can go ahead and get this thing over with!"

"..." Reluctantly, he got a paper. "...29."

"Good." He hurled him out of the way. "Now, move it!" Pulling one, he exclaimed. "I got 32!"

Luigi pulled the next one. "Uh, I got 10."

Ness really didn't feel like doing this, but there was no way he'd be degraded as a girl. Pulling one, he muttered, "Five..."

Closing his eyes, Kirby chose one and blanched. "One?! Why do I have to go first?! I already told you I can't do this!"

Toon Link eyed him. "I still think you're the undercover girl."

"I'M NOT! Even if I was a girl," He frowned, "which I'm not, I couldn't go take... a bathroom... leak or... whatever! I don't have the parts to do it, whatever they may be!"

("I think he may be telling the truth,") said Lucario. ("Given his circumstances, who're we not to believe him?")

Wolf turned his nose up. "If that's the case, you got Number Two, so you're up next."

("...Fine") And he went off to do his business, hitting the target dead-on.

Approximately three minutes later, it was Ness' turn, Number Three's Meta Knight refusing, due to relations to Kirby, and Number Four's R.O.B. forfeiting, because he was technically an "it". Of course, they'd continue to consider him a dude, regardless.

"Ness? Your turn," said Mario.

"Oh, joy," he sarcastically rejoiced, taking his turn. He was a little wobbly at first, but only because the thing was hung so damn high. He hit the target, but couldn't stay steady on it, going up down it in frustration. This whole thing was completely void of any sanity.

"You made need glasses, but at least your one of us!" joked Fox as he finished.

"Well, huzzah, let's give me an award," he spat, being made more sarcastic then he was inclined to. Finished embarrassing himself for the sake of his manhood, he, almost instinctively, joined a brooding Lucas behind the others. ...Ugh, how did he keep getting stuck with him?

"Okay, so that was five, now who got six?" asked Mario. Why was he in charge of this when it wasn't his idea?

"Uh, that'd be me," said Toon Link, going over.

Pit smirked, elbowing Red in the side. "All right, see, now we've got her! This'll expose her for sure! There's no way she'll be able to hit that target!"

Red crossed his arms. "Well, this is the last straw, Pit. If this doesn't prove Lucas is a girl, I am done. Do you hear me? DONE."

"It will, it will! All we have to do is wait!" He rubbed his hands together. "And the best part is that we won't even have to go!"

"Why?"

"I got Number 34, and you got 31, didn't you?"

"Yeah..."

"Lucas is Number 29 and everyone'll be so shocked at the news, they'll completely forget about the rest of us!" He continued elbowing him. "Huh? Huh? Great idea, or what? Huh?"

The trainer glowered. "Stop it, or I'll break it."

He pouted. "Fine, then. Be that way."

Ness had to hand it to them. As idiotic as this was, it seemed there was nothing Lucas could do to escape the question of his gender. Then again, from what little he knew, girls were trickier and possibly smarter than guys... a big emphasis on probably. From the blank, staring expression on Lucas' face, he knew something was afoot. However this was gonna end, Ness could bet it wouldn't be pretty.

* * *

Water was chugged, water was spit... and things were excreted. Ness didn't bother watching that crap, and what bothered him even more was how focused most of the other dudes were on other dudes showing that poor target who was its master. It was a good thing they weren't doing this to Sandbag or they never hear the end of it.

("There!") growled Pikachu, walking off. ("And don't you guys ever forget it! I am a guy, all right?! I came here to rip off people's heads, not wet a stinkin' target on a tree! Cripes!")

Rolling his eyes, Mario attended to the list again. "All right! Number 29? Who got 29?"

"..." Lucas didn't answer, instead huffing oh-so-girlishly, like he'd just broken up with a bum boyfriend. That vision made Ness almost puke from the sheer wrongness of it.

Pit cleared his throat. "Pardon me for saying so, but I think that was Lucas! You know how shy he is..."

"Oh, yeah." Mario went back to looking at the list. "Diddy's after him, so get ready."

Not at all pleased he was being subjected to this, Lucas grudgingly made his way over to the target, its red-and-white circular structure taunting his natural inability to take a leak on it. Sighing, he turned his back as everyone was earlier instructed and... took a leak on it?

Ness had to do a double take, as well as Pit and Red. Shockingly enough, Lucas was able to pass with flying colors. His aiming way, way off, almost to the point where it looked like he'd never once relieved himself in his life, but after some horrible misses, he finally managed to keep a constant stream the very edge of the target. ...Ness didn't even want to know how.

Pit was horrified. "What the—?! But how?! T-t-that's impossible! She can't...!"

Red punched him in the arm. "I knew it! You faker! And here, you almost had me fooled! I knew he was one of us! I bet you're the one who can't hit it, aren'tcha?!"

**_"NO, IT'S ALL A LIE! And I'll prove it, too! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!"_**

Unable to take being wrong anymore, he darted over to Lucas, who turned in time to express his displeasure with a crude, _"Leave me alone! Go away! Knock it off!"_

But the angel refused, grabbing him in places that would be better off not explaining. Lucas fought back pretty well, despite both hands suggesting he was still pissing away. After what could've very well been a slight bout of hatesex, Pit kicked Lucas in the head and pulled away, knocking the little dude out. Needless to say, it wasn't until this point that anyone expressed worry.

"Oh, snap! He ripped his watering can off!" spouted Popo, most likely due to a lack of more intelligent words.

"Oh, c'mon! I know the kid's a wuss, but that's just cruel! You didn't have the neuter the poor guy!" growled Ike, utterly disgusted.

"Oh, I tore his watering can off, all right!" Pit turned around to thrust it out, causing most of the Smashers to rear back and look away in disgust, a few still eagerly looking because they were messed up like that. Ness wasn't ashamed to admit he was one of those few.

Frowning, the psychic just had to question if what he saw was what he really thought he saw. "Is that... the water bottle?"

"That's right, the water bottle! The one he was supposed to drink from earlier!" Pit beamed. "Seems he was using the wrong tool, if you know what I mean."

Bowser facepalmed. "Great, the kid's just as stupid as he looks."

Link cupped his hands around his mouth. "Hey, FYI! You have to piss on the target, not use the bottle on it! No, duh!"

"Yeah, Lucas, why don't you go on and do that for us?" asked Pit, still smirking.

Lucas was in the perfect position to rip the angel limb for limb, starting with his wings, but at the same time, also wasn't. This was further proven as Pit tapped the back of his head with the bottle, even going as far as to turning him over, only to realize he was unconscious.

"Ha! He fainted!" guffawed Wario.

Pikachu busted out laughing. ("Oh, man! He must've thought you really tore it off! What a riot!")

Peach crossed her arms. "Oh, now do you see what happened?" She slapped a laughing Marth on the arm. "Look what you all did to him! That's not funny!"

Mario shook his head. "Ugh... Well... somebody go get him, and Diddy, hurry it up."

"No, no!" She pushed him angrily. "_I'll_ go get him, and _we'll _make sure he's all right! I'll meet you in the infirmary."

He frowned. "Peach, he fainted. He does that all the time. Just give him some..."

"NOW, mister!"

"Ugh..."

("Hey, hey!") growled Diddy, waving his number. ("We didn't get to go yet! I was next!")

"If you must pursue your inane acts of idiocy, do it on your own accord!" snuffed the princess as she picked up Lucas. "Mario, don't dawdle! Get your rear in gear, you!"

"Yeah, yeah..." He grumbled, throwing on his doctor's outfit and following her.

("Oh, okay, good!") proclaimed Diddy, not even giving a second thought about the blonde. ("Now, it's my turn!")

Annoyed, Red punched Pit as he returned to him. "Nice going, loser!"

"What'd I do?!"

"I swear, if Lucas gets brain trauma from this, I'll have you wish your condition was only twice as bad when Charizard's done with you!"

"Oh, come on! They're taking him to the infirmary, and you know nitpicky Peach is. They'll find out for sure now!" He elbowed him again. "Trust me, it's all a matter of time!"

"It better be."

"It will! And I'll prove it!"

He proceeded to follow the two until Sonic stopped him. "Hey, hey! Where do you think you're going? You haven't gone yet, and if I hafta do something this stupid, then so do you!"

"Uh, Red'll take my turn."

The other boy commanded Ivysaur to whip his hindquarters. "The hell I won't! If it's really true what you say, we'll find out eventually, so we'll wait..."

Scowling, Ness turned to watch Peach carry off Lucas as if they were headed for a morgue, which they probably might've, had Lucas not been breathing. He'd never seen someone unconscious look so dead, and considering the ratio of unconsciousness around there, that was saying something.

He was ready to simply brush it off and hope for the best for him when he saw an eye open, look around, then quickly shut again. ...He could only gawk in shock. That little sneak! The whole fainting thing was all a ruse, a sham, a fake! And boy, was he good, almost too good at feigning unconsciousness. Well played, Lucas, using one of your biggest weak points as saving grace. Huh, he never would've guessed. Maybe women really were smarter than men...

At that moment, the next guy in line proved his manliness very well on the back of his head.

"Uh oh! Sorry!" came Red's apology, despite him totally doing that on purpose. "Sorry, my bad! Sorry! Accident, sorry! Be glad that wasn't Charizard, sorry!"

...And maybe he should start taking 10 showers a day for the rest of his life...

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** And the plot thickens! ...I think._


	5. Seeing the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Hey! Something interesting actually happens in this installment! Pinch me and tell me I'm dreaming!_

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 5:**__ Seeing the Undeniable_

* * *

What the hell was wrong with these people? Three months had gone by since the water-chugging incident and still, no one had even batted an eyelash at how oddly different Lucas was starting to act and look. Oh, and he wasn't even gonna start on the whole "But we see him every day! How can we tell?" theory. A blind, dead inanimate object could even see it.

First off, Lucas was a few inches taller than him now, and throwing in that hair made him appear to tower over his once equal teammate. Of course, Lucas wasn't_ that _big, still appearing just as short and stubby in comparison with every-non kid Smasher, but he was practically a giant among his own kind. He stuck out like a sore thumb whenever they played around, kinda like the runt of the litter, except the total opposite. Oh, how unnerving it was to stand side-by-side and actually have to look up to him when spoken to. It was enough to make him lose what of his sanity he had left.

But it wasn't all that bad. One good thing about the last 90 or so days was that Red had officially quit working with Pit on trying to expose the blonde. It was all up to the angel to accomplish such a feat, and with his lack coordination, he was better off trying to get Bowser and Olimar to go on a nature walk together. He was still at it even to this day, albeit less often. It was easier than ever to get in trouble with the big hands now.

As for Red himself, he still tried messing around with Lucas, whose naïveté continued to get the best of him. Unfortunately, he was still just as bad in keeping him hooked. The jury was still out on whether or not this was a bad thing.

Actually, if Ness didn't know any better, he'd say Lucas probably had some sort of vendetta against Red, like the kind that one evil chick in those crappy horror movies had where she killed all the stupid teenagers who decided to camp as far away from civilization as possible to see who could die faster. Sure, it may've been vague, but like a fart in an elevator, also quite deadly.

To make things worse, he had the sinking feeling Lucas was trying to hit on him. Sure, he'd been doing something to that extent all along, but he was just being out-and-out blunt now. The best example was when they ran out of soap for the bathroom and Lucas approached him with two new bars, carefully placing them in his hands with a devious smirk, proclaiming, "Don't drop them!" It was becoming increasingly annoying, as well as increasingly scary how much he enjoyed it... The hell was wrong with him?

Then again, there was no telling what went on behind closed doors in that place. Going to a Smash Tourney was like going to Las Vegas; whatever happened there, stayed there. Everybody was just a missing left sock looking for a missing right sock... or another left sock, in which their togetherness proved how wrong and disturbing their relationship was. It wasn't proven, but Ness was almost positive everyone had gone steady with everyone else at least once. That was how screwed up things were. There were way too many eager guys and not enough willing girls, not to mention the ever-annoying flamboyant smartasses, who didn't make things any easier.

Ah, there was no place like Smash Mansion.

* * *

Today was a bit of a lazy day, the kind where you walk around aimlessly until you find something so tedious and predictable to watch, you actually wish the day would go by even faster. Ness was busy doing this and having fun with it, too, when he had to stop in his tracks at the certain sight of someone sitting on a bench before him. He couldn't even sprint off in the other direction in fear of being caught. Why? Because, of all people, it was Lucas, his butt perched on the bench outside, instead of going in and parking it on a nice, comfy couch.

_Oh, no. There he is again. Like some sort of blonde heat-seeking missile. Keep walking, Ness. Just keep walking. Maybe he won't see you... _

No sooner had he taken a step behind him did Lucas turn around, pitiful puppy eyes staring into his soul.

"Ness?"

_Dammit._

"Hey, I'm glad I ran into you." He made a face. "I feel a little weird..."

"That's nice."

"...I think I need to go the bathroom..."

"Very good." He began walking off. "At least you know what's wrong with you."

"Can you come with me?"

"...I'm busy."

"With what?"

"Stuff."

"But... please? I could be sick. I feel weird in my... pants."

Ness' eyes widened._ OH NO. He was _not _taking a stroll down that road again._

Knowing that little tidbit, he was ready to speed off when Lucas grabbed his shoulders. "W-wait! Where're you going?"

"Uh, I got a fight to get to..."

He pouted. "I thought you had stuff to do!"

"...That _is _the stuff."

"No, it's not!"

"How do you know?"

Sneering, Lucas actually had the nerve to dislodge the hat from his head. "...It's such a shame it had to come to this. It really is."

"Knock it off, Lucas. Give it back."

He swiped his hand through the air, excepting to snatch it from his grip, but his arm caught nothing. It then dawned on Ness the horrible truth; since was Lucas taller, that hat would stay out of his reach for a long, long time.

"...So, how about the bathroom? Please? Really, it'll only take a sec, and you're the only one I can trust..." He almost cooed these words, proving his mood swings were still present.

Ooh, how much he wanted to sock him in the gut for saying that, but something told him doing that to a girl outside of battle would only yield Peach's estrogen-filled rage upon him later. Yeah, no, that wasn't an option, then.

* * *

Such an embarrassing walk it was to the nearest lavatory, limber Lucas in front with stubby Ness following behind. He felt like he was following an older, arrogant sister for intents and purposes he'd be better off not knowing. Fortunately, only a few unimportant people saw, and anything from them was pretty forgettable. When the walk of shame was over, Ness couldn't help but grimace when Lucas poised a hand over the girl's bathroom door.

"Oops."He turned to face him with a grin that looked so embarrassed and painful, he was surprised his face hadn't fallen off. "That's not the right room now, is it? Meant to go in here, y'know."

"..." Ness' mind was all but existent now.

"Sorry, 'bout that..." His hand wandered over to the boys' bathroom door and pushed it open, walking inside.

The other boy sneered. Screw the hat; he was sure he could bribe Snake into knocking Lucas' block off and getting it back later. He had a good enough reason to turn on his heel and run like never before.

"Ness?" He stuck his head out. "What're you doing standing out here? Come on."

Well, there went that option. He sulked inside the bathroom, almost half expecting to see the little weirdo over at urinals.

_Heh heh, stupid wishful thinking,_ he mocked himself, flashing that horrible, yet oddly intriguing picture in his mind again. The one that proved he'd officially seen more of Lucas than he needed to.

The object of his frazzled brain shuffled over to a stall and did stuff. And to think, his hat was still on his person. He was almost certain if it had been alive, it would've killed itself upon seeing what there was to see in there. Ah, that was a nice metaphor for his faithful, unalive hat pal.

Things went from awkward to worse as, right in the middle of his pondering, a shrill scream emitted from Lucas' stall. Ness would've rocketed into the ceiling from shock had he not already been spacing out.

"_**OH, NO! NESS!"**_

He rolled his eyes, unmoved. "What?"

"I... I...!" He began whimpering loudly. "I think I need a doctor!"

"Why?"

"Because I--! Oh, my gosh! I... I need...! Aah! Ness, go get some help!"

"What? D'you miss the toilet, or something?" _Oh, real classy, you bastard. Like you actually know women can do that._

"No! Just... just go get somebody, okay?! I— AUGHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Sighing, he walked out with no urgency in his step whatsoever. After rounding a few corners, he wandered into the Smash Lounge. The entire Mario Team was situated inside, almost as if waiting for something to separate them.

"Uh..." He shrugged. "Bathroom problems..."

Luigi groaned. "Not again..."

Bowser grimaced. "Lemme guess, it's pussy boy, isn't it?"

Peach punched him in the shoulder. "Don't call him that, you meanie! Show some respect!"

"It's a little hard to do that in his case," he grumbled, rubbing his arm defensively.

Ness was about to explain the situation a little better when Peach practically knocked him over, dragging a reluctant Mario with her. Not wanting to get mixed up in it, Bowser quickly challenged Luigi to a battle and hauled him off to his doom. Lucky.

* * *

Ness didn't know why he went back to the bathroom. He could've easily found someone to pick a bone with to avoid this mess, but _no_. He may not've been a cat, but curiosity was bound to kill him one way or another. He got back in time to see the situation beginning to spiral out of control. His timing was impeccable.

"Lucas!" Peach banged on the door. "Lucas, sweetie! What's wrong?"

His whimpering had turned to all-out crying. _"Awuah! I need help! I think I'm dying! I can't...!"_

Not satisfied with that answer, she knocked the door down, making Mario frown.

"Great, and that door just got fixed last week, too."

"Quiet, Mario!" she growled, grabbing a bawling Lucas by the shoulders. "The boy needs help! Can't you see that?! Quick, to the infirmary!"

"Peach, not again. Last time this happened, it was all a—"

"When I say, 'To the infirmary', I mean, to the infirmary! Now, shake a leg!"

"Ugh," groaned the makeshift doctor, putting on the fitting clothes and leaving.

The blonde tended to the other blonde again. "Oh, poor dear! Just hang on, Lucas! We'll help you, okay?"

"NOOOOOO!" he howled, flailing about. "I'M GONNA DIE! I KNOW IT! I'M GONNA DIE!"

"No, you're not. You'll be fine. Just be calm and relax, and—"

"_**I AM GOING TO DIE! AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_ he screamed, almost as possessed by the "I'm gonna die" bug.

"Lucas, sweetie, as cute as your butt is, please pull your pants up. Don't want everyone else to have a fit about it."

He sniffled. "Okay... but I'm still gonna die...!"

Peach was in the way of the stall, so Ness couldn't see much, nor did he want to. Little wuss must've wet himself in ways a guy never could and thought it was due to a disease he inexplicably developed. What joy.

Being the worried pansy girl she was, the princess hurried up and pulled Lucas from the bathroom, sorta like a flustered mom yanking her hysterical son from an arcade after she ran out of quarters to give him. All this went down while he stood amid the madness, simply retrieving his discarded hat and walking off to continue doing the "stuff" he was before being so rudely interrupted.

* * *

"That fight was rigged," said Wolf, a little while later. "Completely rigged. That's why I lost. Because it was rigged."

"It wasn't rigged!" sneered Sonic, as cocky as ever. "He cheated! I could tell!"

Ness didn't care either way, since, whenever he won, it must've been because he cheated.

"I say we have a rematch," said Ganondorf. "If anyone did cheat, it must've been blue boy over here."

And thus began the daily ringside fight-aftermath fight. Ness had actually won the real fight, so he decided to take a pass on this one. Going back to his room for a well deserved rest seemed like the best thing to do at that point. He was a quarter of the way there when Samus caught him by the arm.

"Hey, kid. Heard Lucas was in the infirmary... again. Might be wise to check up on him. Heard something... odd was going on down there, anyway."

Ness really didn't wanna do that, seeing he was sure he'd bounce back from the brink... not that there ever was any brink. But he was also sure if he refused, Samus wouldn't let him hear the end of it. Lucas may've been a pussy, but if that's what it took to get a bunch of women on your side, maybe that was the way to be.

* * *

For a fighting tournament, the infirmary was almost always empty. Every person had been to be treated there at least once or twice, but its only regulars were Lucas and Luigi. Due to this, the place was practically sparkling clean. It was like the first class of the house while everything else was coach.

Since he didn't know his way around, Ness wandered a bit until he either heard Lucas screaming and bawling, Mario and Peach trying to calm him, or the sound of various medical instruments breaking in his struggle. In this case, it was none of the above, as he came to an abrupt stop in front of a small crowd of his fellow fighters huddled in a small hallway. Most of them looked annoyed, a few seemed perplexed, while the rest could've cared less if the place caved in. Mario and Peach stood before them, appearing flustering and out of things to say. This can't have been good.

"C'mon, spit it out, already Mario," demanded Falco. "I didn't duck out on Fox to stand around here and watch you stare at the floor. You guys were lucky enough to get us to come down here."

He rubbed his head, sighing. "All right, all right, fine. Um, seems we've had a little... hiccup in the system here... One of our Smashers has—"

"Yeah, yeah, we know. It was Lucas," grumbled Bowser. "Slap a cast on him, and—"

Peach bopped him on the nose. "Be quiet, or no dessert for two weeks!"

"..." Bowser shut up, as he loved sweets more than talking.

Mario continued. "As I was saying, uh, nothing like this ever has happened before, so we're at a lost on what to do."

Yoshi suddenly pictured the worst case scenario and gasped. ("Oh no! He didn't die or anything, did he?!")

"Oh, he's okay." Mario frowned. "No, wait. I take that back..."

("You mean he has a disease?!")

"No... It's just that... what I meant to say was... er, I think we might need to make some phone calls."

"What? Why?" asked Ike. "Don't tell me the kid's been quarantined and we've all got it now!"

"No, it's not a disease... It's like more of a... condition..."

("Isn't that, like, the same thing?") asked Jiggylpuff.

Seeing things were only being complicated, Peach took over. "No, Lucas is fine, it's simply... uh... Well..." She smiled uneasily. "Seems we misunderstood his gender on his resume because... she's a girl..."

"Peach, I'm ashamed!" Zelda put her hands on her hips. "Calling Lucas such names! And here I thought you were his friend!"

"Well, of course I am, Zel! But when I say Lucas is a girl, I mean she's actually a girl... with the corresponding parts..."

The other girl blinked. "...You mean..."

"Yes... Please don't make me go any further..."

"And how did you two find this out?"

Mario facepalmed. "Blame Peach. She's the one who wanted me to do a full-body checkup, he wouldn't comply, things happened, and then, yeah."

The princess pouted, mad he was putting this all on her. "Oh, well, excuse me for being concerned for the little guy! ...Er, girl. I think when I hear someone screaming, 'I'm gonna die', I'd like to do something about it!"

He frowned. "Yes, but so much?"

"So, Lucas is a chick?" asked Link, dumbfounded. "Huh. Talk about ironic. I'd make fun of 'em for that, but it's too unbelievable."

Pikachu nodded. ("Oh, I believe it, all right. This doesn't surprise me at all.")

Ike turned to leave. "I knew that kid had something seriously wrong with him, but this just takes the cake!"

Jigglypuff was in denial. ("Peach, you cannot be serious! I mean, I know Lucas isn't the manliest man around, but come on!")

Zelda was thrown for a loop. "Are you sure you didn't... check right? Maybe you... missed something..."

Her fellow princess made a face. "We didn't miss anything, Zel. Seems the little accident in the bathroom was her... well, you know... That time..."

"...First one?"

"First one."

She cupped her cheek in a hand in shock. "Oh, dear."

Yoshi looked around. ("First one what? What's going on?")

Bowser shook his head. "Wow, this is sad. Can't even call Lucas a pussy anymore, seeing as he is one... I'm gonna miss that."

"Hey! Talk about rude!" scolded Zelda.

Just then, Fox walked in, a thumb pointing back behind him. "Uh, someone wanna tell me why one of the stalls in the dude's room looks like someone was strangled and murdered in there?"

"Yeah!" added an angry Kirby, accompanying him. "And whoever left the ketchup all over the floor has really bad taste in condiments. This stuff tastes all poopy!"

Peach frowned and pointed to the remnants on his mouth. "...Kirby, that's not ketchup."

He turned his head. "...Well, what else could it be?"

She motioned for him to come over and whispered where his ear was supposed to be. The puffball's face went from confused to shocked, to disgusted, became horrified, then practically suicidal. Ness may've been clueless as to what she said, but if it made Kirby spew up his breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it must've been pretty gnarly.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ And I have nothing to say at this point, lol._


	6. Learning the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Oh, yeah. The plot is totally in motion now. Except lotsa awkward moments and killing from here on in. :) _

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 6:**__ Learning the Undeniable_

* * *

Ness bit into a hot dog as Pit did a somersault over his head. Counting the ones before that, his total came to 1,669. How _did _he do it?

"Ha HA!" he 'HA'ed into Red's face. "What did I tell you? What did I tell you?!"

He sighed. "...That Lucas was—"

"That Lucas was a girl!" he finished, going into another laughing fit. "And not just that, a budding one, as well! Nice and ripe for the picking?"

"All right, we get it," he sighed. "Could you please knock it off?"

"Not until you start forgetting you ever thought she was a dude. Admit it, admit I was right, and maybe I'll stop."

"Why should I have to admit it? Everyone else already knows how you just happened to 'foresee' this. What do you want, a prize?"

"No, simply knowing I was right all along and you losers weren't is satisfaction enough."

"Fine..." He sighed, rubbing his head. "You were right all along, and no one else was. Lucas has always been a girl and us thinking he wasn't only proved how insipid we really are."

"That was a little wordy, but I'll take it."

"Actually," Red smirked, "since we finally proved... _her_ gender, you owe me."

Pit stopped celebrating. "...Come again?"

"Yeah, you do! A few months ago, you said if we exposed Lucas, you could get me some... alone time with her."

He shook a finger at him. "Oh, do you don't. You conked out on me, so the deal's off. You don't get a thing."

"What? Oh, come on! I could only take so much failure!"

"Too bad. You didn't stick with me, so consider our deal null and void."

"Fine, be that way!" He angrily stood. "Since Luke's a girl now, I'll be able to woo her easy."

The angel crossed his arms. "How so?"

"Hey, all women like flowers and chocolate. And... other chick stuff. Give Luke some of that, and she'll be eating out the palm of my hand in no time."

"It's not that easy, you know."

"Yeah, like the ambiguous dude would know." He walked off, smug as ever. "I'll be seeing you, hopefully never. I've got a gal to go please."

"Hey, hey, hey!" He shook his fists. "You stop right there! Come back and tell me what that means!"

* * *

8 hours, 39 minutes, and 5 seconds had passed since the house discovered why one of their most feminine males was so feminine. Ness expected a lot more to go down, but was disappointed to learn most of the roster remained far from amused. A few were shocked, some mortified, while others refused to believe it. Everyone else either thought it was joke or didn't care. It took some time to convince those last few, but it was a matter of time before everyone simply threw out all notion of Lucas being a pussy boy and came to reason she was a girly girl. And hey... everyone loved girly girls over pussy boys! It was common knowledge! One less dumbass guy and one more sweet, succulent girl to steal underwear from. And blonde? Definite plus. Budding? Big, major plus.

...This could've been the single best thing to happen there in a very long time.

Meanwhile, in the deep, dark depths of a barren place even the mightiest of warriors didn't dare tread, AKA, Samus' room, the ladies of the Brawl gave their new member a nice, lovely welcoming party.

"Congratulations on your first step on the road to womanhood!" cheered Peach, waving her hands like they were on fire.

Scattered claps told her maybe that outburst could've been delivered a little better.

Lucas sighed, not at all pleased with this idea. "Thanks, I guess... And you're sure I'm not dying? Do all... girls do... that?"

"Why, yes, we do. It's completely natural!"

"B-b-but..."

"Lucas, what happened earlier was... well, that proved it. You _are_ a girl," confirmed Zelda. "I have no idea how you went this long without knowing, but it's not my place to ask, so I won't."

"That little... incident only means you're growing up! You should be excited!" Peach giddily looked to the youngest in the room. "Nana hasn't had it yet, so don't feel too bad. You'll be, like, her role model!"

"Oh..." Nana blinked. "I guess so. Uh, never thought of it that way..."

Lucas rubbed her head. "B-b-but! What if I can't do this? I don't know anything about girls!"

"Oh, don't worry. You've always had girl-like tendencies, and now you can fully express them through the joy of _knowing_ you're a girl!"

The newly-dubbed girl made a face. "...I'm still really confused..."

"That's all right. Us girls're a lot closer than the guys, so we'll always be there to back you up. So, don't fight any urges you may feel; just let it all out! Remember: today is the first day of the rest of your life!" squealed Peach.

...Zelda clapped slowly, albeit awkwardly. "You should really be a motivational speaker."

* * *

It was late. Neither hide nor hair of Lucas had been seen the entire day and, surprisingly, quite a few people were concerned about her whereabouts. How strange... No one worried about her when she was a guy... Sexist, perhaps? Finally, a little after dinner, someone claimed they spotted Lucas wandering around the place. Most tried to play it cool and pretend this wasn't news when they were secretly uprooting the place to find her. Was it to pick on her? Ask her about the incident? Try and take advantage of her? Ness didn't know, nor did he feel like looking himself. She'd be found when she wanted to be found.

Instead, he lazily flipped channels on the TV in the living room. The couch was usually crammed with fussing, fighting occupants, but he had it all to himself tonight. Not that it mattered, since there was nothing on and he didn't feel like playing any video games. Wonderful. He continued channel surfing like he had for the last hour or so when he heard footsteps coming from the nearby hallway. With a sigh, he prepared to give up his lazing position on the couch, but stopped when he came face-to-face with Lucas.

Seeing his blank expression, her face contorted as if ready to cry. "..."

Ness sat like a statue, not moving and hardly breathing. Maybe if he didn't move, she couldn't see him... But, once again, his hunch was wrong as he felt himself pulled into a hormonally-emotional girly girl hug. Peach must've taught her that trick; to embrace her inner girl and creep out and/or annoy any boy she could with it...

"Ness, where've you been? I've been looking for you everywhere..."

"Yeah. I tend to do that. Just disappear for five or six hours so no one can find me if they need me."

Lucas took that literally, a downside of being a blonde chick. "Well, don't do it again. I really missed you! So much has been going on today, and I feel like you're the only one I can sit down and relax with!"

Oh, that was nice. A little warning beforehand that she was about to talk his ears off. Always thinking about the little guy.

Finished with that little soap opera moment, she turned to the boob tube.

...

...Boob tube? _Boob tube?! Why did he just call the TV __**that**__, of all things?!_ Oh, right. He was right next to a would-be pair. How delightful. That didn't affect his train of thought at all.

"You're watching TV?" asked Lucas, again, experiencing the downside of being a blonde girl.

No, he wasn't watching TV. He was slaying a very large 10-headed dragon made of milk while skiing down a slope full of spaghetti. Of course he was watching TV!

"Why, yes. Yes, I am."

She smiled. "Can I join you?"

_Say no! For the love of things holy, say no! It's a trick, a trap! That's how they get you! Don't give in to her demands! Just say no!_

He smiled painfully. "Sure."

She beamed and took him up on that, sitting _right_ next to him, completely violating his personal space. He decided to play it cool and ignore her until she started blabbing about something not worth listening to. This worked perfectly for about five seconds before Lucas used her newly-found women's intuition to sense this.

Not satisfied with Ness' cold shoulder, she took it upon herself to snap him out of it. She did this by placing a hand onto his chest and carefully tracing it down to the border of his pants. Its incessancy only succeeded in annoying the other psychic.

"Lucas?"

"Yes?"

"What're you doing?"

"...Touching you."

"...Why?"

"Peach told me not to hold back on my feelings and express myself as much as possible." She touched him again. "She said it helps me get in touch with myself if I get in touch with my feelings... So I'm doing that by touching you."

"Well, can you stop?"

She flashed him that, 'I'm a woman, and I'm about two seconds from knocking you the crap out' look. "...No."

He couldn't very well argue with that. "Okay, then."

"Good." And she continued violating him.

"..." Well, as cliché as it was to say, things could've been a lot worse.

"Hey, Lucaaaaas!"

Curse him for daring to trifle with the ironic ways of the cliché.

Lucas stopped and looked up to see Red coming their way. "Oh, uh, hey Red."

"Hey, Lucas." He made himself comfortable between them, practically bumping Ness off the couch. "Heard about the whole, uh... incident and came to see how you were doing."

"Oh." She lowered her head. "Well, I'm fine, but... Guess you don't want to hang out with me anymore, huh?"

"What, 'cuz you're a girl? No way!" He sneakily motioned for Ivysaur to come over, the plant-type thing carrying a variation of beautifully, hand-picked flowers that were actually forced-by-Red-to-be-picked. "Oh, whoops! Ivysaur, you naughty little gal, you! Now, where did you get those from?"

With a sigh, she recited, almost as if forced, ("They're a special delivery to a certain miss here. From you to her...") She then hissed, ("With _**love...")**_

Lucas gasped. "You mean, Ivysur's a girl, too? I never would've guessed."

"Yep, she may sound and look tough, but she's alllllll woman," Red gloated, petting her. He presented the flowers to Lucas. "So're you, as a matter of fact, and may I say you have never looked sweeter."

"Aww..." She took the flowers and smelled them. "Thank you..."

"No, thank _you_. For being the sweetest thing this side of the tourney." He pulled a small box of chocolate from his pants. Where'd he keep getting this stuff from? "Here's something to make you even sweeter."

"CHOCOL—" She stopped. "...Are these caramel-filled?"

Red blinked. "...They're assorted kinds?"

"Gimme!" She snatched it from him and tore into it like Red probably wanted to tear into her... Great, now he was gonna be picturing that all day.

"So, uh, you like those?" he asked, surprised it worked so well.

"Mm-hmm..."

"So, you're happy?"

"Mm-hmm..."

"So, you wanna maybe meet up with me later and... do something?"

"Mm-hmm..."

"Heh, sweet." He eyed Ness and sneered. "And you know I mean _alone_, right?"

"Mm-hmm..."

"Geez, those things must be delicious the way you're tearing into 'em." He carefully outstretched a hand. "Can I—?"

She slapped it with a flat and stern, "No."

"All right, all right... I'll just meet up with you... tonight... really, really late... Somewhere we can be alone... because I truly cherish our time together..." Smirking, he grabbed Ivysaur and made a hasty exit. "See ya then!"

"Mm-hmm..." And thus, the evils of chocolate were vanquished. They didn't stand a chance.

At that moment, Kirby walked up, looking very confused and nervous. He stood a good distance away from the couch, rocking back and forth on his feet. His face showed a great mixture of anxiety and indigestion. Finally coming to terms with whatever he was trying to come to terms with, he approached.

"U-uh, Lucas?" He blushed. "Um, should I call you... something... different, since you're... you're a... a... a..."

"A girl?" she finished, still not completely over it herself.

His blush deepened. "Yeah..."

"No, aside from that, nothing's really... changed."

"Oh, okay..." He held up a dandelion. "Um... I'm n-not really good at... talking to girls, but you're... the nicest, prettiest one I've ever seen..."

"Oh, uh..." She took it. "Thank you?"

"Uh, yeah. I know I didn't say this before, but... remember that time you cooked me soufflés and we had a breakfast party together because we were too busy fighting to get to eat?"

"Yeah...?"

"I really liked that. And um, you give me really nice hugs. Peach's are okay, too, but I feel better when you do it." He held up his stubby arms, smiling hopefully.

"Oh, you want one now?" Despite being puzzled over this sudden show of affection, Lucas embraced the ball.

Kirby's smile widened. "I'm glad we're friends, Lucas... And... And I hope you're glad we're friends, too..."

She frowned. "Okay..."

With that, the nervousness got to Kirby and he darted off, face redder than a Maxim Tomato. Almost like they were in line, Toon Link appeared right afterwards. He combed through his hair, wiped his nose, smelled his breath, pulled up his tunic, and took a deep breath. Ness could've sworn he heard him whisper,_ "Okay, man. You can do this..."_

"Lucas?"

"Huh?"

He waved meekly. "Hi..."

Lucas returned it. "...Hi."

He carefully sat next to her, trying the soft, gentle boy approach. "...So, you're a girl, huh?"

"Yes..." she tiredly clarified, suggesting she was tiring of everyone asking that.

"Oh, um... Well, that's no big deal. You've always been a... delicate type. Getting used to it won't be so bad..."

"..." Lucas made a face. Exactly what it meant was unclear, but it didn't look happy.

"...Uh! What I mean to say is... if anyone here had to be turned into a girl, I'm glad it was you..."

"Uh, thank you?"

He laughed nervously. "Sure, no problem. And, uh, Lucas, don't tell anybody, but... I've kinda... sorta..." He played with his fingers. "...Even before I knew you were a girl... I thought you were sorta... pretty. I'm sorry, it was really hard to judge you as a guy."

"Oh, that's all right. I mean, if I didn't know, how could you?"

What followed was a pair of awkward, painful, gut-wrenching laughs that hurt just to hear. After a bit, Toon Link couldn't take it anymore and reached into his pants. Ness was about to show his displeasure on this when the cartoony hero pulled out a Heart Container, accompanied with the ever-annoying "Da-da-da-DAH!" fanfare.

"Here's a piece of my heart, if you'll have it..."

That was insanely tacky, but not bad, either. Kudos, Toon Link. Nothing like starting off on the right foot.

"Aw... and I will," Lucas tittered, taking it. "That's so sweet of you. Thanks."

"Yeah, I know you're a very passionate person, so maybe that'll break the ice a bit?"

She snapped up. "What?"

"UhgottagoLink'scallingmeokaybye!" He also dashed off, falling, then scrambling and continuing his sprint.

"Huh. This is so weird." Lucas put the Heart Container next to Kirby's dandelion and Red's flowers. "Dunno why those guys're being so nice to me today. Maybe... being a girl's not so bad, after all."

Ness wasn't blonde or a girl, so he knew exactly what was going on. Those losers were trying to move in on her! And using the fact of being her buddies to get closer, no doubt… Then again, could he blame them? She was the only available girl they had a snowball's chance in Hell of scoring with, and they were gonna pounce on that chance like flies on crap. It was so sad what women could do to a guy. At least he knew he was above that sort of thing...

_Yeah, right. You wanna tap that, don'tcha?_

SHUT UP!

His musings came to an end as Lucas addressed Popo. The male Ice Climber looked on blankly, twisting his mouth in uncertainty. Finally, a stupid grin found its way onto his face.

"I wish I was a tree and you were the dirt so I could be inside you."

Lucas reared back. "Ew!"

"Ah! I'm sorry!" He covered his head in shame and ran off. "Captain Falcon told me to say that! He said it would work! Blame him!"

Watching him disappear, Ness frowned as he began to realize something. He was actually a little... jealous. He knew Lucas was a girl before it was cool, but the second it leaks, everyone else wants a piece of it. Even that bastard Popo, who clearly had Nana, was trying his luck on her. It was like being a loser, winning the lottery, and suddenly, everyone wanted to be your friend. Red messing around was one thing, but he was now inclined to start playing defense when it came to his ditzy girl.

...No, Lucas wasn't his _girl_, she was his _friend_!

_...But she's a girl now, so..._

No! She was his buddy, his pal! A chum! That's all! Hormones did not have to come into this! Yeah, friends were cool and had to look out for each other, that's all! He was not in denial!

_Saying you're not in denial _means_ you're in denial. And why shouldn't you be? That right there's a nice piece of work._

"Well," Lucas jumped off the couch. "I'm starting to get a little creeped out now, so I think I'll turn in early. What about you? You coming to bed?"

_Yeah, coming to bed? With me?_

I'm not listening... I'm not listening...

"Nah, I'll be in later after a few more fights."

_Yeah, to tuck you in. Without any pants on._

...I'm just gonna tune you out now...

"Okay. See you tomorrow, then." She turned and promptly exited. Of course, Ness only knew this because of the back view of her shorts, which he noticed were getting particularly snug on her...

_You hate to see her go, but you love to see her leave..._

Can't you give it a rest? ...For one minute?

"_Free young girl ass. Inquire within." That's what vibe her butt is giving off. I can sense it. Popo had the right idea..._

WHAT PART OF "SHUT UP" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!

_Hey, hey. Put your fingers up to your face and pinch 'em from a distance. Y'know, for practice, so you can do it for real tonight._

Why do I even bother...?

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ This is so wrong, but writing it feels so right. :)_


	7. Fighting the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ I don't know how this chapter got to be so long. Completely unintentional, I swear._

* * *

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 7:_**_ Fighting the Undeniable_

* * *

It was nighttime and Ness was more than ready to go to sleep. Lucas should've already been snoozing away, but, oddly, her bed was empty.

Oh, right. Red invited her over to do some naughty and questionable things to her.

He could've nipped that in the bud, but Lucas was a woman now; she could handle it herself. It was only a matter of time before their little midnight meeting took a turn for the worse.

No sooner had he thought that, a bloodcurdling scream came from outside, followed by the sound of punching, someone hitting the floor, and Lucas' pissed voice. It was so funny how this failed to attract any attention at all. A door slammed, more of Lucas yelling, then stomps that were gradually getting louder.

In contrast to the noise outside, the door gently opened and closed, Lucas quietly stepping in. Immediately, they locked eyes.

"...Have fun with Red?" he joked, expecting her to flip out and cut his head off or something.

In response, he felt something pelt his face. He didn't even have to take it off to tell what it was; the smell was insanely intoxicating.

It was her shirt. Nice.

He was too immersed in its smell to realize, had he bothered to look past it, he would've caught Lucas stripping. To actually trust him not to do this left Ness baffled to no end. She was either having another blonde moment, or really, really confident. Of course, she still lacked a rack, so he would've had to use his imagination.

"Nothing happened." She calmly stated. "I think Red might've been trying to get something across, but he went about it the wrong way..."

Oh, geez. What did that mean? Red probably dipped his hand into the cookie jar and got caught. Lucas was too gullible to consider this inappropriate touching, so she most likely kicked him in the nuts with one of those tittering, "No, no, no, silly boy!" cracks, followed with a quick flash of her flat hooters, and dashed off before he could recover. She wanted him to want it so she could kick his ass and have a damn good reason for doing so. That was hot, and he wished he didn't think so.

The shirt was lifted from his eyes by a fully-clothed Lucas in her PJs, tossing it aside like she was toying with him. Like she was saying, "Smell that? That's the smell of a _woman_. 100 percent, ripe for the picking, and you know it."

"Well, I'm off to bed now." She yawned and stretched. "Don't know about you, but I'm really tired for some reason."

Fine, then go to bed. Why did you have to announce it? Better yet, what was with the pseudo-aerobics? And in front of him? What was she trying to do?!

_She's flirting._

Huh?

_Totally flirting. I can tell. Trying to see if you like what you see. Do yourself a favor and flirt back._

...

_What? It's not that hard to do. Just say something totally inappropriate. Vague, but inappropriate._

No. He was too tired.

_You're a horrible person and I hate you._

He didn't care.

Lucas made a pouty face as he suddenly fell silent. "...Well, good night, then... Guess I'll see you tomorrow..."

Yes, you would. And for every single day until this whole thing was over, which wouldn't be for a long, long time. Get used to it.

She huffed at his face of vacuity and retreated to her bed, fumbling with the covers before nodding off. She slept in a curled up, miffed ball of girliness. Just like he knew she would.

All Ness could do was sigh, thankful she also slept with them back to him. Had she decided to, sleep wouldn't have visited him that night.

* * *

The next day was bound to be full of madness and misunderstandabilty. How was this different than any other day? Why, because there was a new lady in the house! And she would be just the thing 20 or so bachelors would need to get through the day. Oh, and that went for the non-bachelors, too. And the pseudo-ones. This was the house of Smash; everyone and everything was free game here!

And what better way to get a morning started than to limp away from the first fight of the day? Absolutely nothing!

...But not today, which was good, since it was Lucas who had to fight, not to mention she always got up at this ungodly hour of 9:00am just so she could spend two or three hours hogging the bathroom. It was Snake vs. Lucas vs. the Ice Climbers vs. Kirby, one stock match, no time limit, Battlefield. This would be over quick, so Ness decided to get dressed and go watch. He also made a note that this would be Lucas' first time fighting as a girl... and two of her opponents currently had the hots for her.

...Was it him, or did the fight seem a little rigged? Maybe he was thinking too hard on this, but seriously, what were the odds?

The best place to watch a fight was, of course, the living room. If rooms with big screen TVs and large couches able of supporting 10 people or up to 25,000 pounds weren't great places to watch people get owned, nowhere was.

Oh, and what luck; he was the ninth person on the scene. The couch was barely holding up under Fox, Diddy, Wario, Yoshi, Pit, Mr. Game and Watch, Ike, and Toon Link. There was a small space available on the couch's left arm, which he took to climbing onto. What a wonderful, messed up family this was.

Five minutes didn't pass before a black-eyed Red showed up, taking the last bit of space on the couch's right arm. ...Wait, what?

Fox also noticed this and raised an eyebrow. "Uh, Red, you got a bit of a shiner there. What happened?"

"Uh... Fell down some down some stairs..." He was obviously lying. "What're you gonna do?"

"Must've been quite a fall," incredulously said Ike, looking him over.

"Yeah." Pit smiled. "Quite a fall, indeed. I guess maybe next time, you'll watch out for those _stairs_ and keep your hands to yourself."

Red narrowed his working eye. "Quiet, or I'll give you one, too.

"Shh!" shushed Toon Link. "Be quiet! The fight's starting!"

Ness couldn't help but notice how glued to the TV Toon Link was, his eyes gleaming like the thing would come to life and give everyone candy. Of course, it was only to watch the lovely lady Lucas create poetry in motion. Red was interested, too; a little less, due to the pain in his eye, but still enough to flash one of his cheesy, perverted grins.

The very second the fight started, Lucas tripped. Oh, boy. This would be a hoot-and-a-half.

"Ow!" she squealed, plopping onto the floor.

"Oh no!" Kirby, who wasn't too far away, scurried to her aid. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just didn't expect to fall that early."

"Don't worry, I'll help!" Popo ran over and picked up Lucas, holding her a bit too fondly before setting her back on her feet. Kirby frowned.

"Hey, hey! That's not fair! I was gonna help her up!"

"Too bad, so sad," he scoffed. "Ya snooze, ya loose."

"But I got here first!"

Bored to tears at this, Snake decided to take it upon himself to deliver the first blow. He did this by kicking Lucas in the back of the head. She responded with a PK Fire and he fired a missile that missed, all while Kirby and Red fought their battle verbally.

"You're so intrusive! Why don't you mind your own business for once?!" shouted Kirby, waving his arms.

"Hey, she was just asking to be saved by me!" retorted Popo.

"Oh, you're like a bad cold; always coming around when people don't need you!"

"Popo..." growled Nana.

"Not now." The male Ice Climber shook a fist. "What makes you think you can tell me what to do?!"

"Because I'll kick your sorry butt!"

"Popo..."

He waved her off. "Not now! And you better be glad Lucas is here, or I'd have to mess you up, but good!"

As Popo and Kirby continued spouting threats at each other, Lucas leapt by, firing a Ray Gun. All the shots missed and Snake threw a Home-Run Bat at her. The blow to the head was enough to stun her for several seconds, which enraged the other two fighters.

"Hey, don't do that!" growled Kirby. "She's a lady!"

Snake was stupefied. "What?"

"Yeah, she _is_ a lady, so treat her like one!" spat Popo.

"So? That shouldn't matter..."

Kirby shook his fist. "Oh, yeah?! Well, we'll show you how to show a girl respect!"

"Yeah!"

Popo was about to leap into action when Nana angrily pulled him back. "Popo! I don't know what you're trying to get across here, but I'm here, too, I'm a lady, and most of all, I'm your partner!"

"Don't worry, Lucas! I'll get 'em for you!" He smiled, taking her hand. "You just stand there and look pretty."

"..." The blonde was speechless.

"Yeah! Like that!"

Nana was outraged. "POPO!"

Lucas watched in confusion while Nana fumed as Kirby and Popo took turns in beating the crap out of Snake. It wasn't long before the duo creamed him to the point of no return, giving him the privilege of suffering one of the most embarrassing KO's ever.

"There! That'll teach you some manners!" said Popo, as Snake was wiped out.

Kirby looked to him. "So... now what?"

"..." Popo simply took his hammer and smacked Kirby into next week. Well, not that far, but it was still enough to send him flying.

At that moment, Lucas ran over and smacked Popo in the head with her stick. Falling over, he laughed.

"OW! Ha, good one! That's showing me what for!"

Nana was outraged. "What the heck is wrong with you?! Fight her!"

"Why?"

"Because you're supposed to!"

"Why?"

"We're in a fight!"

He shook his head. "...I really have no idea where you're going with this."

"Oh, forget it, I'll do it myself..."

Breaking away from him, she smacked a Soccer Ball at Lucas, but she dodged and it missed. As luck would have it, a Blast Box had just appeared right behind her. The flaming ball smashed into it, causing the thing to explode and knock the blonde off her feet.

"Yeah! What a hit! Quick, let's get her while she's down!" cheered Nana.

Popo blanched in horror. "NO, LUCAS! Don't worry, I'll help you! Here, here! Take this!" He grabbed a Maxim Tomato.

"Popo, stop! We need that!"

Ignoring her, he ran over, picked Lucas up and gave her the food. "Aw, there you go! Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I didn't have time to stop her! Please take this! I know that hurt, and I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry!"

"Um, thanks...?" Lucas took it and fully recovered. Then, smiling, she kicked Popo in the head and ran off to get another item.

He was tickled pink over this. "Another good hit! I was really asking for that one! Man, you kick like a horse!"

Nana scurried over and picked her partner up. "Popo, I don't know what's gotten into you, but stop it before we end up losing!"

He frowned. "Are you telling me you actually want me to _beat _Lucas?!"

"Well, duh! It's not like we haven't done it before!"

"But Nana, she's a lady now. She's too delicate and soft to treat so barbarically..." He crossed his arms. "And I refuse to harm a single hair on her pretty, little head."

"What about me?! I'm a girl, too! You don't act like this when I get hurt!"

"Come on, now. Don't go comparing you two. You know she's not all that tough. Treat her _gentle_."

Nana glowered. "...Excuse me? What's that have to do with anything?"

"...What?"

"Are you saying she's _better_ than me?"

He huffed. "So what if she is? The whole world doesn't revolve around you."

"Popo, how could you say that?! How dare you compare me to her?! What, because she's older than me? That's what it is, isn't it?!"

"Well, maybe I think someone's a little jealous..."

**_"YOU--!"_**

Nana didn't have time to finish as Lucas had found a Rocket Launcher and was currently unloading upon the two.

"Ooh, good call!" commented Popo. "That'll blow us away, for sure!"

"Popo, you idiot! Get out of the way!"

"Why? There's nothing wrong with a little target practice, right?"

Spotting another item appearing, Lucas hopped down and kicked a Rolling Crate across the stage. Nana saw it and urgently called to her fellow Ice Climber.

"Yeah, so long's _you're_ not the target! Now, move it! There's a Rolling Crate heading for you!"

The male clearly heard her, but decided to play dumb and stare off into space. "...What?"

The box made contact with him, sending him freaking flying. He didn't even have time to recover, even if he wanted to, which he wouldn't have. Popo was totally trashed, with Nana automatically forfeiting, and Lucas was declared the winner. Also, Ness lost all remaining hope in the dying breed of common sense.

Exiting the battlegrounds, the fighters came to the living room, hoping for some feedback. But with such a deplorable fight, everyone else had already left by the time they got there. That alone was enough to say it sucked, and royally.

Lucas turned her head in confusion. "...Can someone please tell me what just happened?"

"Why, what else? You won the fight!" exclaimed Popo, happy as all get-out.

"I don't feel like I did anything."

"That's okay, because you won!" added Kirby, appearing on the scene. "And nothing will ever change that!"

"Unfortunately..." muttered Snake, sulking in utter defeat. "Now, excuse me while I go drown my sorrows in various juxtapositions of seafood."

Yeah, that was probably a good time to leave, anyway. The next fight had already started, and Ness could tell it wouldn't be anything special. He decided to follow the moping Snake and get some grub. He also couldn't help but notice how dopily Lucas was looking at him he passed. Eh, must've been a blonde moment.

"Good job!" congratulated the puffball, hugging Lucas' leg.

"Yeah! Good job!" Red pet her head, then her back... then her lower back... Fortunately, Kirby kicked him in the knee before he could continue.

Seeing her in the room, Toon Link danced about. "Hey! Ummmmm... It's my turn to fight with her next!"

"Nuh-uh!" protested Popo, pushing him away. "I'm next!"

"Popo!" growled the pink one.

"What?"

"What about me?!"

"Oh, uh, you'll be in there somewhere."

Lucas decided to pass. "Actually, I'm not in the mood for fighting right now... I'm a little hung—"

"**_Hungry!"_** finished Kirby. "She's hungry! Quick! Someone get her some food!"

"I'm on it! I'm on it!" Toon Link leapt off the couch and ran to the mess hall. Frowning, Popo followed, along with Kirby and Red.

Left in awe, Nana gawked. "Popo, you dork! What about me?! You don't act like this when I get hungry!"

* * *

And so, the scene shifted. It wasn't long after Ness got his food that Kirby, Toon Link, Red, and Popo charged in, all scrambling like mad over what food they could get. After some sort of pseudo-food fight between the four, they separated and raced to get a seat at their usual tables. Several moments passed before a pissed Nana stomped in, a bewildered Lucas close behind. The boys nearly exploded.

"Hey! Hey, hey, Lucas! Lucas, sit over here!" called Popo. "I got a nice seat for you over here!"

"No, no! Sit over here!" shouted Red, picking up a nearby Olimar and hurling him out of his seat for her.

Toon Link looked like he was having a seizure from the sheer inability to do anything. Sandwiched between Link and Ganondorf, there wasn't much he could do to lure Lucas over to that table. Instead, he leapt from his seat and ran up to her, bowing.

"Hey, Lucas. How about I show you over to a table?"

"Well..."

Just then, Kirby latched onto her leg. "No, come over here! You can even feed me if you want! Only R.O.B.'s at my table, and he doesn't even eat!"

"Uh..."

Toon Link frowned. "Why would she want to do that?"

"Why _wouldn't_ she?"

"She's more civilized than that. I should know." He linked his arm around Lucas' and gently escorted her to find an empty table. Heh, was what were he got his name from?

"...TL, I don't think..."

Displaying a rare fit of anger, the pink ball charged into Toon Link with his Final Cutter. The other boy stabbed him with his sword and the battle was on.

Lucas sighed while the two had it out right in front of her. Looking past them, she noticed a smug-looking Red patting the seat next to him and Popo bouncing up and down like a maniac in his chair. Not liking those options, she looked around some more until she spotted Diddy, Lucario, and, best of all, Ness, sitting at a table with a few extra seats. Her mind made up, she brushed by the others and sat next to her fellow psychic.

"Hi, Ness," she greeted upon sitting down, the others practically invisible.

Oh, great. A distraction. He went on eating.

"...I said," She nudged roughly against him, "hi, Ness."

"...Hello," he muttered, hoping it was the only thing he'd have to say, but knowing it wouldn't be.

Almost instantly, Kirby and Toon Link slammed into each other, squabbling over the two remaining seats, with Red and Popo getting into the mix. Red finally kicked Kirby like the ball he was as Toon Link blew Popo away with a bomb. The little green guy was lucky enough to get a seat next to Lucas, but from the look on Red's face, he wouldn't have it long.

"So..." panted Toon Link, exhausted from the fight, "How're you doing... today? Fine? Nice and dandy? ...You sure look it..."

Lucas backed away, inadvertently leaning again Ness... or so he thought. "Um, fine, thank you?"

"You need anything? Salt, pepper, mustard, ketchup? I could go get you some, if you want!" offered Red.

"I—"

"Yeah, right!" scoffed Kirby, popping up from underneath the table. "More like force your Pokémon to go get it! I can actually do things myself, thank you very much."

"But—"

Toon Link frowned. "I can, too!"

"I can even get her some drinks! You want a drink? I know you do, don'tcha?" smiled Red.

"No, it's—"

"Well, I can get her food for her!" gloated Popo, running back over. "She must be starving after that fight!"

"No need! I'll just give her mine!" Kirby slammed his smorgasbord of a meal on the table. "Eat up!"

Wow, Kirby was actually _giving_ someone his food? This was starting to get serious.

"Thank you, but—"

"She doesn't wanna eat that slop!" protested Red, grabbing her sides. "She's gotta watch her girlish figure!"

Lucas grimaced. "Oh, my."

"Ah, ah!" shouted Toon Link. "T-that's assault! I'm calling it! That's totally assault!"

"No, it's not! I'm just showing you what we have to work with!"

"Oh, I know what we have to work with," grinned Popo. He then made an octagon with his fingers in the air. "Oh, yeah."

Kirby blinked. "...A stop sign?"

"...Wait... No, that's not what I meant." He made a hexagon in the air. "Now, _that's_ what I'm talking about!"

Toon Link frowned. "Uh, I think you mean this." He made an hourglass shape.

Apparently, this angered Popo. "Don't you patronize me!"

"Huh?"

"This is starting to get out of hand," sighed Lucas.

("Yeah,") agreed Diddy. ("Go sit down and eat somewhere else. You're wrecking the table!")

Lucario didn't even try to stop the fight. Taking his food, he went over to join Link and Ganondorf, taking Toon Link's empty seat. Regardless, the argument continued.

"Let me get you some napkins, Lucas!" offered Kirby.

"No, I can get you dessert!" grinned Red. "Huh? Dessert? Would you like that? Yeah, I know you would."

"She hasn't even started eating!" complained Toon Link. "You're going to spoil her appetite!"

"Wait, wait, wait! I got it!" Popo made a triangle shape in the air. "Now, if that's not what we're talking about, I don't know what is!"

"Guys..." said Lucas, smiling.

Everyone stopped and smiled at her. "Yeeeeeees?"

"I'm fine. You can all go back to wherever you were. I won't be needing anything."

"You sure?" asked Kirby. "We don't mind, really!"

"No, no, I'm good." She pushed away his food. "Thank you, but I don't want this. I can go get my own stuff."

He smiled. "Okay, but if you need anything at all, come get me."

"No, get me!" spat Red.

"No, me!" added Toon Link.

Popo pointed over to a table. "I'll be sitting the closest!"

"_Okay! I get it!"_ she screamed._ "Thank you!" _

Finally, they got the hint Lucas didn't want them and backed off. The blonde got up to go get her food, but the very second she left, they came back, food and all. Diddy couldn't take this anymore, so he took his food and his leave. It'd be wise to do the same, but Lucas was too impressionable; they'd tear her apart if she was left alone for a second. For that reason and that reason only, Ness decided to stick around... for her sake... to protect her... not because he was also guilty of wanting to tear into her, too...

Just then, he was sharply nudged by Popo. "Hey, what're you still doing over here? Go find another table. You're cramping our style."

"Yeah, you're making us look bad," added Toon Link. "You and your... indifference towards Lucas."

"You don't care about what she wants at all, do you?" pouted Kirby.

"Not really, no. Then again, no seems to care about what I want, and I sure as spit don't care about what you guys want. Therefore, we're all even."

Red grinded his head into the table. "Yeah, well, you better _start_ caring, or else! Don't mess up our chances with Lucas, or we'll mess _you_ up!"

"Yeah!" growled the others.

Gee, what a team. They squabble over Lucas, but can come together as one to boot him outta the competition. What noble souls.

Lucas came back and groaned at the table full of bachelors. Since Diddy and Lucario had both split, she was now surrounded by eager, young, horny boys. Kirby was the only exception, actually finding her girlish charm more interesting than her pants.

"I thought I told you guys I didn't need anything..." she uttered, starting to get annoyed.

"Well, yeah, we'd never forgive ourselves if we weren't able and ready to help," said Red.

Popo nodded. "So we thought we'd all eat here with you, so you won't have to waste any of your precious energy coming to get us!"

"Besides, we can't just leave you here all alone with Ness. You need some company, some conversation, some pampering!" added Toon Link.

Oh, please. He could give her all that and more, just not when he was eating or sleeping. Cut him a break for thinking there were a few things more important than scoring with her. ...And counting those two, there were... only two. ...Eating, sleeping, and scoring; that was shallow, selfish and pathetic. But it worked for him.

Surprisingly, the eating was actually pretty casual for about 15 seconds. That is until Kirby, sitting the closest to Lucas on her left, happily gave her a sandwich.

She sighed and took it. "Thank you..."

He smiled. "You're welcome! Look at it closely! It says something important..."

Looking at the sandwich closer, Ness noticed Kirby had squirted a heart shape with ketchup on top. That made the thing practically uneatable.

"Oh... how nice..." Lucas laughed uneasily, scooting it away and going back to her grub.

Not wanting to be upstaged, Red came up with a hot dog. The thing didn't even have a bun, it was just slathered with mustard.

"Hey, Lucas! If you liked that, you'll _love_ this!"

She narrowed her eyes, probably still a little cross at him for whatever happened last night. "Red, I don't want that..."

"Please? You don't have to eat the whole thing! Just a bite! For me?"

She groaned. "Fine..."

The trainer was sitting two people away from her, separated by Ness and Toon Link on her right. Because of this, he had to run over to her side of the table to feed it to her.

"Here you go, take it nice and easy..." His smiled widened as he did this, a firm hand pushing her head from behind.

Lucas was finding it difficult to do that, with Red jamming the thing down her throat. He'd then pull it out to where she could sample it, and then jam it down her throat again before she could. He kept putting it in and pulling it out, only to see her frustration turn to desperation.

Oh, you sick bastard. That's just wrong.

Everyone else seemed to be oblivious to this innuendo, expect for Toon Link, who was too scared to do anything about it. But Ness could tell by the way he was hopping up and down in his seat he didn't approve. Red went on with his sadistic ways.

"Come on, now. Don't rush it. Take it slow," laughed Red.

"I can't! You—" The hot dog silenced her again, causing her to scramble with the lack of oxygen.

To make matters worse, mustard was being flung everywhere from the blonde's struggle, and knowing full well what Red was trying to imply, yellow, tangy cream never looked so disgusting. Add Lucas' gurgling and hacking on top of that and anyone with a weak constitution would have to explode.

Unable to take it anymore, and feeling more than a little jealous, Ness lurched up from his seat and bit into the middle of the hot dog, separating the two.

"Hey!" Red scowled. "What's the big idea?! You pig, don't eat her food!"

His temper with Ness was interrupted by Lucas choking up mustard. Toon Link acted quickly with some napkins.

"There, there, Lucas," he soothed. "Sorry about that. Red's such a jerk! He almost killed you!"

"Yeah..." she coughed, glaring at him. "And that thing tasted terrible, anyway..."

She was right, it _was_ awful; Ness'd rather eat trash. Swallowing it was a huge chore.

"I'm so sorry for that. It'll never happen again, I swear." He squeezed her shoulders. "Just seeing how you'd like the idea..."

She snapped up. "Huh?"

"Huh?" He made a hasty retreat to his seat.

Ness continued to glare at him. Yeah, you go back over there. And stop looking at her like that; only he was allowed to look at her like that, so knock it off. And stop undressing her with your dumb eyes. Only he could do that, too.

...

**_...What was wrong with him?!_**

Scowling, Lucas' mood shifted to pissed again. "...I think I'm done eating."

"Aw, but you barely even touched your food," sadly said Kirby.

"Ooh, don't worry! If the hot dog didn't work, how about we try some meatballs?" Red stabbed a fork into one. "Mmm! Nice and big and juicy! All for you!"

She glared at him menacingly, making him shrink in his seat. "...How gullible do you think I am?"

_Very, almost too much for your own good, but that's why we love you. _

Stop it.

"I know what you were trying to do, Red. And I don't find that funny. At all."

He feigned innocence. "Why, Lucas. Whatever are you talking about?"

She narrowed her eyes and angrily stood, glaring at the table. "You're all making fun of me, aren't you?! Every single one of you!"

Seeing this, everyone automatically smiled widely, hoping this would calm her down. Didn't work.

"Well, you know what? I'm done. You can all get your sick kicks elsewhere, because I am out."

Kirby gasped. "Oh, no! Please don't leave! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Me, neither!" whined Toon Link.

"I'm super-clean!" added Popo.

"And I just wanna make sure you leave with a full tummy!" claimed Red.

"Sorry, but I don't think I can take this... whatever this is anymore. I've lost my appetite. Goodbye," she finished, angrily prancing off.

She went on like this until she passed Ness, to which she responded with a playful grin and a butt bump to the chair. Now, Lucas doing this was a good-bad thing. Good, because it probably meant Ness was the only one at the table she wasn't mad at, and bad, because, the very second she left, all the remaining dudes dogpiled him.

"So, what was that all about?!" demanded Popo.

"Yeah!" Kirby pouted. "Why wasn't she that mad at you?"

"You two seem pretty close, huh?" said Toon Link, his eyebrows rising up and down.

He smirked. "Hey, she's smarter than you think she is. I think she knows what she's doing."

"You just say outta this." Red pummeled him. Angrily, he looked around. "That goes for you other losers, too. I've got my eye on her, so back off."

"Yeah, right!" scoffed Popo. "She obviously likes me the most! She can't deny my charm!"

Kirby bounced up and down. "But I'm sweet, pink, and cute! All girls love that, so I'm the obvious choice!"

"Well, I'm the most attractive," mumbled Toon Link, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"What?! No way!" argued Red.

"Yes way!"

"You must be joking! Maybe in your dreams!" added Popo.

"More like in _her_ dreams. What can I say? Blondes like blondes," Toon Link scoffed.

"Step off!" Kirby pushed him. "Hair has nothing to do with this!"

"No, _you_ step off!" He pushed him back, causing him to fall into Popo.

After a few more shoves and angry insults, their argument escalated into an all-out fight. Ness wasn't considered a threat, so he was kindly left out of it. Whatever; he'd lost his appetite for it and lunch, anyway.

* * *

The rest of the day consisted of them sneaking around like a bunch of horny ninjas. It was enough to make you wanna puke. Lucas literally couldn't go half an hour without one of the girl-hungry bachelors popping up with one of those super happy pervy smiles. For nearly twelve hours straight, it was a continuous onslaught of bad presents and bad dialogue. Ness had to hand to her for going the entire day dealing with this; he'd have to kill someone eventually. And for every one she saw, and each time they appeared, it was with another gift. It was almost like each one had their own way of declaring their love for her... or at least what was in her pants.

Red came up with nothing but candy and flowers, every time, declaring she was so sweet on the outside, he wanted to make her sweet on the inside, too. His offers occasionally shifted to a walk behind the house where no one could hear her if she just so happened to start making a lot of noise. Unfortunately, he went a little overboard with the former and she ended up eating too much and puking on him, as well as developing a slight bit of hay fever.

Kirby was the most innocent one, coming to her with equally-innocent things like random foods, badly-drawn pictures, his naïve, perky nature, misspelled poems, and his famous, randomly-choreographed dances. Lucas probably would've liked these "gifts", but since she got them nearly every 15 minutes, their incessancy was their undoing.

Toon Link was the most level-headed, offering her things like a casual stroll outside or watching a fight and poking fun at whoever was losing. The only problem with this was his uncontrollable nerves. Just when things seemed to be going his way, Lucas would get a little too close or brush against him, causing him to either faint or start trembling like he was having a seizure. Doing this so much turned off Lucas, and his plans were deemed a failure.

And, finally, Popo was a big disaster in his gifts. All he could think of giving her were bad jokes and poems overflowing with sexual innuendo. Since most of them flew over his head, they were probably unintentional, but Lucas caught them and, frankly, they disturbed her. She shot him down, as well.

And Ness? What did he give her? Absolutely nothing. He had better things to do, like... be too lazy to do anything other than occasionally go to a fight. He simply sat back and watched the madness unfold, all while going through his daily regimen of the day.

Unfortunately, and he hated to make note of this, but Ness began to notice the only reason he knew of this nonsense was because Lucas always just so happened to be around him.

Team Battle with Yoshi? Lucas was there when it ended. Brunch with Mario? Lucas loitered from afar. Watching Lucario and Link strike the dopiest poses ever together? Lucas was watching, too.

Nearly everywhere he went, she showed up, and did something slightly suggestive. It wasn't a big deal at first, but he could only take so many of her fleeting waves, smiles, and giggles. Something was definitely up.

But it wasn't until later that night that Ness found out Lucas wasn't a bit interested in the other guys.

* * *

It was night now, nearing midnight, which was a curfew for most of the residents. It was that one special time of day where everyone wasn't bouncing the walls and making mischief for the sake of making mischief. If they weren't already asleep or getting in some late-night battles, they were lounging about, taking full advantage of the peace.

Ness did this by watching TV in the living room. Nothing was on, of course, but he wasn't ready to hit the hay, and fighting was definitely out. He was busy channel surfing when distant voices warned him thing were about to heat up, and fast.

Sure enough, Lucas trudged in, looking tired and flustered. Her legion of suitors followed like a disease.

"Hey, hey!" Kirby gave her yet another poem. "Here, look! I... I made this one special."

Sighing, Lucas took it. "Oh, wow. Thank you, I'm sure this is even better than the last 50."

"C-c-come on, t-take my hand," said Toon Link, trembling. "R-really! I won't pass out this time! Honest!"

Lucas simply graced his palm with a finger, causing him to pass out.

"Wonderful," she muttered. Hoping on the couch, she groaned as the other joined, crowding around her.

"Welly well well well!" Red stretched, hanging an arm over Lucas' shoulders. "Looks like it's just you and me..."

"What about us?" asked Popo.

He scoffed. "Yeah, what _about_ you? Now, be quiet so me and my little sweetheart can watch TV."

"I'm here, too!" squealed Kirby.

"...Me, too..." muttered Toon Link, coming out of his 28th coma that day.

"Lucas doesn't care about that. Plus, I'm sitting the closest, so there." Red stuck his tongue out.

"Well, we'll see about that!" challenged Popo, raising his hammer.

Hearing his voice from the hallway, Nana appeared, looking none too pleased. "Oh, good. Looks like I finally found you."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess you did." He turned back to Red. "And whoever said Lucas wanted to watch TV with you?"

"No one, I can read it in her eyes." He tickled her chin, leaning in close. "Isn't that right, Luke?"

"Um, you're in the way." She pushed him off. "Please move."

He grinned. "Oh, okay. We'll do this later, then."

Nana scowled. "Popo, we need to talk."

He waved her off. "Not now, I'm busy—"

"No, yes now!" She grabbed him by the hood. "We need to have a serious talk about this cold shoulder you've been giving me lately..."

He made a face. "Is that supposed to be a joke?"

Nana began to drag him away. "Just so you know, I'm not in the mood to laugh. At all."

"Ha!" Kirby waved. "Bye bye! Too bad you couldn't stick around!"

Toon Link cleared his throat. "So, now that he's g-gone, u-m, how 'bout w-we, uh, get a little more c-comfortable?"

Red pushed him away. "Didn't you hear what I just said? You can go and chill with Pinky over there, but leave us two little lovebirds alone."

Lucas shuddered. "Ugh..."

"But I wanna chill with Lucas!" whined 'Pinky'.

Oh, and what was he, chopped liver? If Ness didn't know any better, Lucas was the only one who'd even acknowledged his presence. Too bad she was too busy being bombarded with testosterone to give him the attention he deserved.

As Nana hauled Popo off, Bowser stomped up. "Oh, hey. Just the guys I was looking for. Glad I found you."

He moaned. "Oh no, not a fight... We're chilling here!"

"Report to the battlegrounds immediately. You and me. Ivysaur and Toon Link. Team Battle, Smashville, 30 minutes, now."

Toon Link's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. _**"T-thirty minutes?!"**_

Ah, ever-hated long battles. They were rare, but very annoying. Who in their right mind would want to fight for half an hour straight? Well, pretty much nobody; it was probably Master Hand's way of testing the endurance of some poor saps.

"Hey, I don't wanna do it, either, but we have to. No point crying about it."

Red sulked. "...Can't we just slide on this one? It's too late for that..."

"If we get started now, we can be done by midnight and there's a chance we'll have the whole day off tomorrow. Not a bad deal, so come on."

Toon Link hopped off the couch. "...Fine, then..."

"I still can't go," lied Red. "I have no idea where Ivysaur is, so I'll guess you'll just have to find someone else for me."

"Nice try, but she's already waiting for you, as well as Squirtle and Charizard. Stop fooling around. Let's go."

The trainer glowered and pulled away from Lucas, but not before grabbing her hand with a cheesy grin. "Hey, now don't you wait up for me, okay? If you go to sleep before I get back, then... have some sweet dreams about me, will ya? I know you'll be in mine tonight." He added to the pervyness with a disgustingly loud kiss to her hand.

A scoff from Lucas showed she wasn't amused.

"Move!" Kirby pushed him away, holding his arms up. "I doubt I'll see you again tonight, so... a lucky, good night hug?"

The blonde sighed and embraced the ball. Red frowned upon this and dragged him away, all while Bowser dragged him off. For the first time that day, Ness and Lucas were able to breathe freely.

"Finally..." muttered Lucas, rolling her eyes. She sank into the couch, relishing in these 30 minutes of peace while she could. This didn't last too long as she noticed Ness staring into the TV like the mindless zombie like he most likely was.

Sighing again, she carefully scooted closer to him. He didn't say anything, so she smiled and got closer. The capped boy made a face as he realized the space between them was getting rather small... Maybe he was hallucinating...

Still seeing no response from him, Lucas eased closer. Ness narrowed his eyes. Okay, something was definitely amiss now. Practically grinning from ear-to-ear, the blonde snuggled up close, a wayward hand wandering over to him. Ness continued to blankly watch TV until he flinched, her palm intertwined with his. Not particularly liking this, he tried to pull away, but Lucas only tightened her grip.

"...Why are we doing this, Ness?"

"Well, it's because we lack something constructive to do, therefore, we sit here and watch TV in hopes of—"

She pursed her lips in annoyance. "Not that! ...Us."

Aw, Lucas... Not right now. This is TV time, not melodramatic teenage soap opera time...

"...I've been flirting with you for a bit, you know. I thought maybe you'd notice by now..."

Oh, he noticed all right, but the time scale was a little off. From what he recalled, she'd been flirting with him for about... since the tournament started.

Ness quickly changed the subject. "What about those other guys? ...Not interested in them?"

She sighed. "Exactly. I don't find any of them interesting. Just... weird."

Well, technically, weird was normal around there, so was she saying their behavior was actually expected?

"But... I always found _you_ interesting."

Well, why didn't you say that?

"And... I thought you'd find me the same way. I've been... putting out a lot of hints. Because... those other guys crowding me make it a little hard to come right out and say it. I really haven't had a moment alone with you in a while, huh?"

Define "a while".

"Guess you can say I have a little... 'thing' for you. Dunno what it is, so I was hoping for maybe some... feedback?"

"..." Despite his blank expression, Ness was rattling his brain like mad to say something.

Assuming he was ignoring her, she sighed and let go of his hand. "...So, that's how it is, huh? I see... I suppose I'm not good enough for you." He heard her sigh. "...If you're not interested, I guess I can't force you. But... we can always just be friends, right?"

Oh no. If there was one thing you never wanted to hear a girl say, it was that.

_I thought you said she_ was_ your friend!_

Well, yeah, she was, but... but now she's confirming it! That's different! It's like those commercials advertising sales, and if you didn't get down there by Friday, you'd miss it all!

_Then, do something!_

Like what?!

_I don't know! Say something romantic and sappy! It doesn't even have to be the truth, just say something!_

"..." Without giving it a second thought, he grabbed her firmly, looking at her like some madman with amnesia. She stared back with an equally confused look. He then kissed her, and hard.

_YOU IDIOT! That's the absolute last thing you'd do to get a girl on your side! I'm ashamed to even know you! You make me sick! Hey, if I suddenly stop talking, it's because I committed suicide because I can't live with someone so stupid!_

Finished with that, Lucas winced. "...Ow. Aggressive much? Bite my lips off."

He blushed, not used to the arcane world of the sentimental. "...I ...I am interested..."

"...How interested?"

"Very interested."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

She turned her head. "Could've fooled me."

"...What?"

That sure wasn't the answer he expected. This was supposed to be the part where she falls for him like a recently cut-down tree.

"You're not interested." Yawning, she took his discarded remote and began channel surfing, almost as if he was now too boring for her. "It's alright. I understand."

"But... I am." He couldn't help but pout a little at her disbelief.

"Yeah, right. Don't flatter yourself. You're not."

"...I am, too."

"You don't act like it."

"Well, I am." He leaned close to her for emphasis.

"Why don't you act like it?"

"I don't know..."

"Because you're not interested."

"I am!" he said, starting to get annoyed.

"Nope, you're not."

"Then, why am I so determined to prove it?"

"I don't know." She shrugged apathetically. "Why _are_ you so determined to prove it?"

"Because I'm interested!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am! How do you know?"

"I can tell."

"No, you can't!"

"Yeah, I can." Seeing he was getting too close, she pushed him away. "I'm interested and you're not. That's how I can tell."

"Well, you're wrong, 'cuz I _am_ interested! I've been interested in you longer than you've been interested in me!"

She choked sarcastically. "Oh, we all know _that's_ not true!"

At this point, Ness was finding it hard to keep any amount of distance from her. He didn't know what exactly he was gonna do to her when he got close enough, but it would be aggressive and probably painful.

Lucas pushed him away again and scoffed. "If you're not interested in me, it's not my place to force you to be interested in me."

"You don't have to! I'm already interested in you! I bet I'm more interested in you than you are interested in me!"

"Prove it."

"I already did!" he spat, referring to the kiss.

"That doesn't prove you're interested, it proves you're desperate. I have a better chance hitting it off with Kirby than I do with you."

Another attempt at getting close to her ended in failure. All right, he was mad now. No, he wasn't mad, he was _pissed_. No, he wasn't pissed, he was... he was... He didn't even know what he was, but he was it! Her hand constantly pushing him back on the couch was getting annoying, too.

"If you're shooting for someone like Kirby, _you_ must be desperate!"

It was unintentional, but that made Lucas furious. "Who're _you_ calling desperate?!"

Angrily, she flung him back into the couch, to which he bounced off of to get to her again. Okay, this was getting ridiculous.

"You think just 'cuz you're a girl now, you should get the special treatment? No!" Back down he went.

"Yes-huh! Everyone was so mean to me when I was a boy! This is only fair!"

"You like all this attention, and you know it! You said yourself you weren't interested! If don't like the options, then say so!"

She turned her head up. "W-well, I don't want to!"

"Then stop messing around and just go steady with someone already! Please! Save us the trouble!"

She hurled him back into the sofa. "Oh, like you're one to talk! You want in, too, don't you?!"

That caught him off-guard. "T-that's not true!"

"Then why're you blushing?"

Too mad to respect her space, he got in her face. "Well, then, maybe I'm not interested in you!"

She lessened the space more. "That's your worst lie yet!"

_"Yeah?"_

_**"Yeah!"**_

_"How do you know?!"_

_**"Because I'm all you've got!"**_

...The following look on her face said she didn't mean for it to come out like that.

Ness didn't know if it was more anger or hormones, but something made him violently tackle her. The sheer force sent them both over the side of the couch's arm, breaking a nearby lamp in the process. Now both on the floor, they fought one another. Without a doubt, this was probably Ness' hardest battle ever, mostly because he had no idea what he was fighting for. To knock her out? To define his questionable dominance? He didn't know. All he knew for sure was the girl in this shirt had to die. ...Metaphorically, of course.

Unfortunately for Lucas, she still wasn't used to their difference in size and was even clumsier because of it. She used this lack of coordination with herself to scramble away and get back to the couch as Ness pounced on her from behind. She grabbed a cushion and whacked him over the head with it, hard. Her fighting back made his possible psychosis worse. Yanking the cushion away from her flimsy grasp, he returned the favor, even going as far as slapping her roughly in the face.

She gawked, obviously taken aback. "Y-y-you can't do that! I'm a girl! I'm too delicate!"

"You were too delicate before!" He whacked her again, once more for good measure, and again just because he was so distraught, fed up, and hormonally-challenged.

Lucas proved Ness wasn't the only on who'd flipped his lid. She wasn't distraught or fed up, but the notion of hormonally-challenged couldn't help but be applied. Add that on top of that time of the month, and she was almost as fanatical as he was.

Ness was ready to slap her again when, using the shock as a source of newfound strength, she pulled the pillow away. This made him lose his balance and fall over her. Grabbing his back, she flung him to the floor, pouncing on him. He tried to get up, but there was too much pressure on his guts to do so without it hurting.

_"You know what?!"_ she asked heatedly, looking at Ness in a way that scared and confused him.

He was almost afraid to ask. "What?"

She smiled. "I love you."

Really? Sure had a funny way of showing it.

"Me being a girl hasn't affected you one bit, has it?"

Of course it did! He saw your goods! It would be burned into his retina forever, and it was almost all your fault!

"No one else even batted an eye at me before, but now they won't leave me alone! And not just _those_ guys," she huffed, referring to her young peers. "The same goes for everyone! Always asking me how I feel, where am I going, opening doors for me, offering me things... They're all nice; _too_ nice, too nice to the point I think it's more about what I am and not who I am!"

So what? Last time Ness checked, those were good things. Just like a girl to complain over something like this.

"But you..." That freaky look came back. "You're different... It's like nothing's changed for you. ...And that makes me feel like you really care."

It's kinda hard to care when your extremely feminine dude friend turns out to be a hot chick you can hit on. It was like exchanging an old, beat-up TV for a hi-def plasma one, free of cost. Ness always thought she was a girl trapped in a boy's body, so this came as a shock, not a surprise. And the shock was only because he was right. As far as he was concerned, Lucas was never a boy to begin with.

"Oh, Ness." She straddled him, holding his shoulders. "A lot's happened in the last few days. And even though I still feel weird in my pants and I'm not very sure why, at least I know I can count on a friend who's not superficial on me."

...Several tense seconds went by before Ness came to the startling realization his liver was being crushed. "So, we're we supposed to do now?"

"..." Her face contorted at that and she whacked him with the pillow once more. That made Ness mad all over again.

Wriggling beneath her, he managed to push the blonde off, showing his dominance by pinning her to the couch. This action surprised both of them.

"...You know, I still don't believe you're interested in me... You're only doing this to win over the others and look cool and stuff."

Ness turned his nose up, making her smile.

"But hey..." She playfully tugged on his collar. "Maybe you can change my mind...

He looked at her quizzically. "...What's that supposed to mean?"

"Now, I can't keep telling you everything." She pulled him closer. ...More like she gently tugged and he pushed himself closer.

"...So what _can_ you tell me?" Their faces were literally inches away from each other.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "That you're a horrible kisser."

And thus, she went about teaching him the proper way to kiss. Unfortunately, they got off on a tangent pretty quickly.

_

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** Did anyone see this coming at all? Seriously? No, you probably didn't, don't lie. XD_


	8. Pleasing the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes:** How many of you are willing to bet Ness and Lucas get blackmailed? Come on, let's see some hands in the air! XD_

_

* * *

_

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 8:** Pleasing the Undeniable_

* * *

Morning, the bane of the night's existence, as it usually brought the worst news with it. Either that or someone who'd just woken up who was trying to wake you up. Same difference.

Ness opened his eyes to see... absolutely nothing. Aw, crap! He was blind! All the stuff he saw and did last night was so hardcore, it blinded him!

Horrified, he jolted up, only to realize the obscurity was thanks to being snuggled in his bed's cushion.

He sighed. Of course, the whole thing was a dream. It had that hazy, no-way-could-this-ever-happen feeling attached to it. Not to mention only bits and pieces came to mind. What a shame, too; what he could remember was awesome beyond belief.

Rubbing his eyes, he leaned over to get out of bed, instead, falling off a couch. He cursed loudly, awaking his partner.

...Well, he guessed last night wasn't a dream after all.

Lucas sat up, blinking and smacking her lips. Her hair was a complete mess, which could only mean one of two things, and both of them were bad: one, someone stole her combs and brushes, which would cause her to wreak havoc for however long she had to until she found them, or two, she had quite an unruly nighttime romp with someone, most likely due to an impulsive act of said someone. ...Of course.

"Good morning..." she sleepily greeted.

He rubbed his eyes more. "Yeah, hi."

She smiled. "I'm very sore."

Ness didn't wanna agree, but his awkward movements in trying to get up proved he was, too. After some painful tries, he managed to slink back on the couch.

"...I take as a 'yes'?"

He was too tired to talk at the moment; all he wanted to do was go back sleep for, like, ever. Lucas prattled on a bit, despite Ness not listening. How could she be so perky when he was so drained?

Finished, she yawned, stretching. "So... I guess you really _are_ interested in me, huh?"

Yes, yes! A million and one times, yes! If last night didn't prove anything, he was gonna personally ask Captain Falcon to repeatedly maul him with his car.

She played with his hair. "Well, I can say, without a doubt, you've got yourself a real keeper."

"...Uh huh..." Holy Mother of Whatever, it hurt to talk.

She raised an eyebrow. "Or was that a one-night stand, because if it was—"

In a panic, he grabbed a hand, holding it firmly. "I meant it! Really, I meant it!"

Lucas looked him up and down in surprise, then blushed. Grimacing, Ness let go and frowned. Oh, gross. That little impulse was probably the sappiest thing he'd ever done.

"Good enough." She grabbed him around the waist, snuggling him like a toy. "I've got myself a keeper, too."

Ness was too sore to fight it off, so he let her have her way. Fortunately, this torture didn't go on long before someone growled.

Wolf crossed his arms, looming over him from behind the couch. "What is this, Happy Hour? Get your rumps up."

Ness turned and sputtered something so incoherent in response, not even he knew what he just said.

"Yeah, whatever." He pushed him in the back. "Get up."

"Awwwwwww..." whined the couch's other occupant, smiling sleepily. "Just five more minutes... We're still not all the way up yet..."

He blinked. "Lucas? ...So, both of you fell asleep watching scary movies? Huh, a little weird, but that's not the point. Get your asses off the couch and find the remote so I can watch TV."

"...Fine..." Lucas made an effort to do this, rolling off and hitting the floor with a thump. "...Ow."

Ness sat up on one of the arms, but also lost all momentum and tumbled over backwards, legs still hooked on it. "...Ouch."

"What's wrong with you two?" asked the lupine fighter. "You're acting sleazier than Fox does without his morning coffee."

Ness couldn't even begin to imagine how horrendous that might've looked, especially for one's rival. Regardless, he had a feeling he and Lucas were feeling about 10 times more... sore.

Wolf was baffled, especially at the mess in the room. And why shouldn't he? Seeing a broken lamp, discarded shirts, and couch cushions everywhere was sure to raise some questions.

"Did someone set off the gas in here? What's going on? What happened?"

"...Oh, no, no... Late night movies and all that stuff... That's all. No big deal," yawned Lucas. She tossed him the remote and left, walking crookedly for obvious reasons.

Still upside-down, Ness twitched. "Yeah, none of your..." And no dictionary in the world could define what came after that.

The dog-like guy frowned. "...You know what? Nevermind. Just beat it, kid."

He pushed the rest of him off, not giving it a second thought as he fell in a heap onto the floor. Just noticing this, Ness didn't know where his shirt was, but was too groggy to care. Only his shorts, undies, and socks remained, the former two being oddly... messy. He inched behind the couch and pulled himself up, groaning. By doing this, he spotted his shirt thrown on the floor in a dire need to be gotten rid of. Scoffing, he put it on, only to realize he was more of an idiot than he thought.

It was Lucas'. Haha. He was wearing a girl's shirt. Couldn't get any hotter than that. Again, he was too tired to care and hobbled off, swaying like the drunkest metronome in the world.

* * *

He had to take a shower. He just had to. He didn't care that he stayed in there for almost an hour, he didn't care that he used up all the hot water, and he certainly didn't care when Zelda complained to him about it. No one could ever know of what happened last night. It would be the end of him and it would be the end of Lucas, but most of all, it would be the end of him.

Now, he sure wasn't ashamed of it; he was anything but. The only thing he did hate was the resulting ruckus if word of their little... rendezvous got out. Such a waste, too. He woulda boasted the hell outta it.

Lucas didn't seem affected by this at all. If he didn't know any better, he'd think it wasn't even worth her time to acknowledge it. "Oh, hey, thanks for last night. I enjoyed sampling your wares, but I wasn't all that pleased. I need to see what else there is." That's what she was saying. He had half a mind to guess all the raving lunatics of boys were more under her control than she was at their raunchy mercy. She was using him, as well as the others for her own pleasure. It was horrible, sick, and twisted.

And he liked it.

Of course, if he ever did catch her in said act, he'd have to kill. Speaking of killing, Kirby was ready to do just that Red, as their usual flirting quickly went awry.

"Get outta my way, Pinky! Lucas wants more soda! Can't you see that?" growled Red.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you had any consideration for her at all, you'd move it!" argued Kirby.

"Sit down, both of you! You're in her way!" whined Popo.

"Here, more soda, Lucas?" offered Toon Link, smiling.

The blonde grinned slyly. "Yes, please. Thanks so much."

The others had been spoiling Lucas like crazy. Even though it didn't look it, she was actually taking it a little too seriously. The four always fawned and fought over her, making her a bit lazy and dependant on them. What was probably the harshest part of it was the fact that, no matter what they did to please her, it'd be in vain. And even if someone else did score with her, Ness already got the first place prize. They both knew this, but not a word about it was said. They were sick.

Toon Link was in the middle of pouring when Red was shoved into him by Kirby, spilling the soda everywhere and drenching everyone. Everyone that is, except Lucas, as the little swordsman jumped in front her in time to block the waterfall of carbonated soda.

"Oopsie," she cooed, like it wasn't her problem. And it wasn't, but she didn't have to act so hoity-toity.

Toon Link sat up, grinning. "Heh heh... Looks like that drink's on me."

Lucas giggled at that and immediately, Toon Link became a target. Everyone knew a girl laughing at you was a step to getting laid.

Red made the first move by kicking him in the head and into a charging Popo, knocking both under the table.

Grinning, he offered her a banana. "A beauty like you doesn't need that carbonated crap. Here, my treat. Nice and ripe. I always liked these because they're yellow and remind me of you..."

What a lie. They sure didn't _used_ to remind him of her. But once again, Lucas was suckered in by his words and accepted it. As she bit into it, Ness came to the horrible realization he'd rather watch her choke on a mustard-drenched wiener. Why did she have to eat it so... daintily?

Oh, you're not that weak are you? It's just a stupid banana!

It's not the banana! It's how she's eating it! ...Q-quick! T-think of something gross! Think of something gross!

_...Uh, that one time you were yawning and Donkey Kong burped right in your face?_

No! Even grosser! **_Grosser! Please grosser!_**

_Er, that time Falco pissed in the orange juice to get back at Wolf for something and you ended up drinking the whole thing, thinking that tangy aftertaste was from too much pulp?_

No! Nastier, grosser than that! C'mon! Something absolutely_ **DISGUSTING! REPULSIVELY NASTY!**_

_Ooh, I know! The time Wario went swimming and his trunks fell off! And when he got out, it was right in front of you!_

...He winced and gagged. Oh, yeah. That killed it. He was like a limp noodle after having that come to mind.

Halfway through the banana, Lucas stopped, frowning worriedly. Everyone was staring at her with these really weird, creepy looks and they weren't helping her appetite.

Red was smiling way too hard, and eyes were totally undressing her. Dumb bastard. Popo had this annoying tic in his eye, along with this weird, occasional sputtering noise, while Ness himself looked like the Ultimate Chimera was chowing down on his nether regions. Try as he might to contain himself, Toon Link was completely flushed, eyes wide and huffing in and out like he'd been holding a piss for two days straight. The only person who wasn't guilty of anything was Kirby, who was more interested in the fruit than how it was suggestively being eaten. Poor naïve, little oaf. How he envied him sometimes.

Lucas sighed. "...I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable. I don't know what you guys are doing, but please stop."

"Heh heh... I don't know what you're talking about..." Red chuckled, folding his hands together. Ness hadn't been paying attention, but something told him they just came outta his pants.

Toon Link was horrified at this, while Popo and Kirby looked on in confusion. The mood had indeed turned awkward.

Smiling, Red leaned over to him. Apparently, rocking back and forth in the chair, legs crossed, face looking a great deal like his lower half had gone through a blender was enough to attract his attention.

"Ooh, what's wrong there, Ness? You look a little flustered..."

"...W-well, I'm n-not..." he growled.

At this, Lucas giggled. ...She actually found his pain funny? How like a girl.

"Hey, don't look like that in front of Lucas!" put in Kirby. "It's rude!"

"Yeah!" Popo added. "At least _pretend_ to be interested in what she's doing!"

Ness was surprised how that flew over Lucas' head. He was almost certain she'd get offended by that crack. Instead, she glared at the banana, then at the other psychic. Everyone raised an eyebrow, except Ness and Red, the latter enjoying the former's pain.

"...That banana made me want some ice cream," she randomly said, suddenly looking serious. "Chocolate with lots of whipped cream, more bananas, chocolate syrup, cherry on top."

**_"I GOT IT!"_** screamed everybody, leaping off and running to get it.

Watching them scramble and fight over some ice cream in the kitchen, sending chocolate and cherries everywhere, Lucas smirked. This probably wasn't good.

"Ness, were you just doing what I think you were?" she asked, not looking at him.

"Red was doing it, too." He didn't feel like lying, so whatever.

"Oh, so if I told Red to go jump off a cliff, you'd do it, too?"

"...If you told me to and gave me something for doing it." As sad as it was, that was the truth.

Lucas faced him and puckered her lips with a frown. This was her thinking face. She made it a lot when things went over her head or she didn't understand what she heard. Finally, her face went blank and snorted with a laugh.

"You're funny."

Oh, that was nice to know. He was funny. What kind of funny Like "ha ha" funny, or "you look funny", or "I find it funny when you look funny"? The added confusion really helped the burning in his pants.

Just then, the Idiot Brigade came back, all four covered in some part of the ice cream sundae, holding another part of it.

"I got the chocolate ice cream!" barked Red, slamming it down the bowl onto the table.

"I got the bananas!" shouted Kirby.

Popo ran into the table. "I got the chocolate syrup!"

Toon Link fell, but quickly exclaimed, "I got the whipped cream!" as he did.

She picked her ear. "Aw, that's nice and all, but y'know what? I changed my mind. Now I want banana cream pi—"

"BANANA CREAM PIE!" echoed Kirby, as if no one else heard her.

Popo got a running start. "I got it!"

"No, I do!" Toon Link scrambled to get up, but the chocolate syrup everywhere made him slip and slide all over the place.

Watching Red take off with the rest of them, Ness had to ask, "...You don't really want any of this stuff, do you?"

"You know it's fun to watch them get it. You want something when they come back?"

Oh, way to hide the fact you were doing this on purpose. And although that sounded like a good idea, Ness had to pass. He'd rather go get his own food before having a bunch of aroused boys bring it to him. Regardless, it was fun to watch them break their backs to get stuff she didn't even want. This went on until lunch was over, and 17 trips to the kitchen to get Lucas' specified food still didn't tire them out. Boy, they really, really, really must've wanted what she had to offer. Or, y'know, what she had left to offer, heh heh heh.

...

That was horrible, and it was even more horrible that he didn't find it so.

* * *

The battle for Lucas' affection only continued on until even the blonde tired of their menial efforts to win her over. Apparently, she now felt like spending time with her own kind. Almost immediately, she found Peach, who found Jigglypuff, who found some herbal tea and fruit salad, the natural un-chocolate diet of women, and all three kicked Wario and Diddy off the living room couch to watch some fights. Ah, that poor couch. He could never look at it the same way again.

It wasn't too long before Lucas had fallen asleep watching said fights. Hey, why not? She had good reason to for another certain reason that involved that couch and much naked merriment time. After Jigglypuff was called to battle, the blondes kept watching until Lucas dozed off. Not wanting to wake her, Peach gave her a pillow and slipped off with the remaining tea and salad. Oh, what was she thinking? That was practically a death sentence for poor, unsupervised Lucas. She better've been glad he had nothing better to do than to sit around in the other room and look out for her.

Sure enough, the very second Peach left, Kirby appeared in the room. His eye on the prize, he quickly grabbed the pillow Lucas was sleeping on, throwing it out an open window. Startled, she sat up, face contorted sleepily.

He smiled. "Hey, there, pretty thing. Whatcha doin'?"

"...Sleeping."

"Oh." He gasped. "Uh oh! Looks like you're missing a pillow!"

"Huh?"

"Oh, we can't have that! Here, I'll be one for you, okay?"

"...What? It's..." She shrugged, too tired to care. "Okay, whatever."

"Yay!" He offered himself to her, snuggling up where the pillow used to be. Sighing, Lucas unthinkingly plopped her head onto his stomach. Almost instantly, they fell asleep.

Not five minutes passed before Popo came up and saw this. Enraged, he plucked the sleeping Kirby from Lucas and tossed him out the window. Kirby was a heavy sleeper, so he spent his afternoon nap in the bushes with the pillow he earlier discarded. The absence of the ball made Lucas' head hit the cushion hard, which woke her again.

She glared at Popo. "...What, _now_?"

"Kirby may be soft, but he's too small to support your neck properly!" He smirked. "I'm wearing a fur coat and of decent size, so I'll be your pillow!"

"Fine, just stop waking me up..." she groaned.

Sitting down, Popo smiled stupidly as Lucas snuggled her head in his side and went back to sleep. Even less time passed before Toon Link, who'd been watching from a distance, crept in. He wasn't sure how to get Popo off so easily, so simply whacked him in the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. He fell off, dazed, and Toon Link also threw him out the window, where he landed on a very confused Fox, who was out on stroll.

Carefully, he slid into his place, somehow not waking Lucas. Taking her hand, he put her dozing body against his shoulder. Instinctively, she snuggled closer and wrapped her arms around him, yawning. Although excited and happy, Toon Link looked ready to faint, but perhaps his subtle, nervous trembling was what kept Lucas asleep.

Of course, this was short-lived. Red had been following her all day, waiting for the others to be knocked out before he had the chance to strike. Too bad his plan wasn't as gentle as Toon Link's.

The room literally erupted into madness as Charizard stomped in, roaring and snorting. Toon Link screamed, causing Lucas to wake up screaming. This made Toon Link scream even louder from her piercing shriek and Lucas just screamed louder because she could. Charizard added to the noise with more roaring, then, grabbing the still-screaming Toon Link, spread his wings and crashed through the ceiling, flying away.

Lucas was pretty shaken up after the whole thing, pale and trembling. Red causally strolled in and flopped down beside her, patting her unsteady frame.

"Oh, what a ruckus. You'd think these guys would have respect for the sleeping..."

"W-what just happened?!" she breathlessly asked.

"Shh, it's okay now. Here, why don't you relax?" Smirking, he pulled her close; a little too close.

Frowning, she struggled. "Look, all I want to do is take a nap. Why does everyone keep waking me up?"

He chuckled that pedo chuckle of his, getting a bit too close for Ness' liking. "Because they're stupid. But don't you worry. Now that I'm here, you can sleep easy. ...So, go to sleep. And don't worry if you feel anything strange; it's just me."

Hey, hey, hey! Woah! Yo! Back up! Rewind! Hands off! Red was officially stepping into his territory now, and when a dude steps into another dude's territory, or, in this case, messes with Lucas, one of three things must absolutely happen. One: they fight a violent and bloody battle, two: one of them proves himself as a wuss by not picking a fight, or three: one of them proves himself as an awesomely sly loser by bringing the girl into it. Ness was willing to do any of them at that point, but Lucas was right there, so why not do number three?

Almost a little too casually, he stumbled into the room, both him and Red catching each other's glare.

"...Hello, Red," he simply greeted.

"Ness." The trainer lifted his head, acknowledging him and his apparent challenge.

"Oh, hi, Ness." Lucas waved girlishly. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Yes," added Red, watching him stroll over. "Nice of you to drop by."

The other boy made himself comfortable on the other side of Lucas, much to his dismay. Red put an arm over the couch's back, obviously a gesture to get her in his evil, pedo clutches. Ness did the same, as if to let him know he wasn't fooling anyone.

"So..." said Red, after a few tense minutes, "nice day today, huh?"

"Wonderful," he snorted. "Why not go out and enjoy it?"

"Sure! Talking a nice, little stroll with Lucas here sounds great!" He grabbed an arm, getting right in her face. "Don't you think so?"

"Uh..."

Ness grabbed another arm, pulling her back defensively. "I meant with your Pokémon."

He pulled her back. "They're taking a break."

Back she went to Ness. "Oh, so like taking a stroll's such hard work."

Red grabbed her again. "Why don't you get out there and do something? Do something constructive with yourself so you'll stop bothering us."

Sandwiched between them, Lucas could sense the animosity and was a little intimidated. Grinning nervously, she tried to remind the two they were smushing her in an angry get-your-mitts-off-my-girl leering contest.

"...Y'know, I heard Pikachu's trying to break a record..." she meekly said. "...Of fighting for... over 24 hours... straight...?"

Yeah, Pikachu'd claimed he'd do that since last week, but he was full of hot air, so no one believed him. Still, it'd be interesting to watch how he did it and who he did it with. But who had time to care about that now? Neither him or Red, apparently.

Finally, Lucas' mood shifted from scared to pissed; Ness could tell by how she poked her lips out, so he backed off.

Red took this as conceding and grabbed her around the shoulders. "Well, better get moving Ness. Me and Luke here got some unfinished business to attend to here."

She scowled. "Excuse me? Unfinished business?"

"Yeah, our 'special' time together, y'know?"

Scoffing, she pried his hand off. "No, I don't know. Care to tell me?"

"Oh, well, I don't think such personal matters should be discussed in front of others. That's best saved for pillow talk..."

"Pillow talk?!" Lucas may not've been the sharpest tool in the shed, but she had enough common sense to figure out what that meant.

"Ehehehe..." Red nervously laughed, realizing he may've laid it on a little too thick.

With this in mind, she pulled away from him, tugging on Ness. "...Uh, sorry, I'll have to pass... Maybe we can catch up on this a little... later. Me and Ness have some... business to take care of... Right, Ness?"

"I—" She didn't let him finish, hurriedly dragging him off the couch. Ohoho, to the victor belong the spoils.

Red just had to frown. Lucas leaving was mostly his fault, but why with Ness, of all people? He was a loser! And what 'business' could she possibly have with him? The only 'business' she should be doing was with him, and him only. ...That was more than a little strange. Watching Ness smile gloatingly as he was he hauled off, his eyes narrowed. He may've won the battle, not the war.

* * *

Before Ness knew it, he'd been dragged from the comforts of the house to the oddly humid outside. There were always at least a dozen or so people out there, so they'd be safe from Red for the time being. He wondered if Lucas knew this or it was dumb luck. Regardless, she still pulled him along, getting some weird looks from anyone they passed. And why shouldn't they stare? It did look pretty weird to have this tall, limber girl, dragging a short, stubby boy around. Shouldn't it be the other way around, height and everything? He didn't know and didn't care. He'd kick their asses later, anyway.

Lucas continued pulling him on until they got to the middle of the front yard, marked by a paved road leading out of the boundaries and a large water fountain with a sculpture of Master Hand in the middle, water spouting from the top of his finger as it pointed skywards.

Sighing, she finally let go. "Oh, that was close. Thanks for coming when you did. I swear, it's so hard to get through to him sometimes."

Oh, Lucas, why're you so damn dense? Furthermore, why did he find it attractive?

"I mean, y'know, I don't think Red really gets me, because I sure don't get him... He does the weirdest things sometimes."

"Don't you think he always does the weirdest things around you?"

"Oh, I'm sure he means well. He just gets a little carried away sometimes."

Sometimes? Red had been getting 'carried away' for as long as the three knew each other. Lucas had no concept of time or continuity whatsoever.

...Whatever. He went over to the fountain, hands on the side as he leaned over to look in out of boredom. Apparently, some idiots thought this was a wishing fountain, as Smash Coins and many other types of monetary object littered the bottom.

"Y'know, so much stuff is thrown in there, but have you ever been in there?" asked Lucas, seeing this.

What a weird question. Of course not. And why did she ask that? Ness didn't time to react before he felt himself topple into the fountain. ...Wait, what?!

What the—?! He plunged face-first into the water! That sneak! Did she—? Did she just push him?! What gives?! Why did she do that?! Was this her way of paying him back for being less-than-interesting last night? Oh, yeah? Well, she wasn't all that good, either, so there.

...

...

...Aw, who was he kidding? That was probably the biggest lie he ever told. He was hideously humbled by her in the art of sexual seduction and didn't know why. Damn.

"Oh!" gasped Lucas, giving herself away. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do that! Are you okay?"

Yes, as a matter of fact, he was. And back with a vengeance, lurching up and grabbing hold of her waist. Yes, he would've liked to get her shoulders, but sadly, they were out of reach. He didn't have time to see her face in the process, but boy, it must've been priceless. Exacting his revenge, he leaned back and she plummeted in.

Surfacing, she choked and scrambled for land. Oh, please. What was it about women and inexplicably falling into water that got them so riled up? There were a lot worse things you could fall into. Lucas was no exception, being too prissy and perfect to bother getting used the cold wetness. What was even worse was the water was only knee-deep. Could she be any more melodramatic? From the scrambling and flailing she was doing, she acted like she'd melt if she didn't get out soon.

But Ness wasn't about to let her off easy. She'd been messing with him enough to want it, so here it was. Again with the dominance factor? Geez, he must've really been narcissistic. It wasn't enough to get Lucas back; he felt he had to teach her a lesson, preferably a painful one. The whole thing was convoluted and twisted, but was mostly from his discontent with her ambiguity, a hint of jealousy, and more raging hormones. Counseling was highly recommended.

She stood up, still whining and complaining about not being dry, but he grabbed her around the waist, plunging her head back into the water. Playfully, of course; he wasn't that sadistic. He did this a few times, making her take on water, then let her have some air, back and forth. Lucas wasn't even trying to fight back, acting like he was getting his sick kicks from drowning a young, innocent, helpless blonde girl. Oh, boo-hoo.

Fine, sheesh. He was done, anyway. Knowing how a girl's ace in the hole always seemed to be pinning the crime of aggravated assault on guys, he let her go and smirked. Yeah, take that. He got her back and had fun doing it, so he was done. That was it.

Or at least that's what he thought.

Drenched, he stood and was about to step out when Lucas turned from victim to predator, rising up and shoving him from behind. Surprisingly, she did this with so much force, it knocked the wind outta him, plowing him face-first into the fountain again. How long was she gonna have these vicious mood swings? He was starting to miss the wimpy, scared, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-dime Lucas. He was a timid, little kitty, but she was a voracious, man-eating tiger. With two heads. That could blow fire. And fly.

Sitting up, he sneered and splashed some water in Lucas' face, to which she responded by gawking at his lack of respect for her, then splashing him back and laughing. Oh, she thought this was funny. It wasn't, it was stupid.

Then, why're you laughing?

...Only because she was. This was too stupid to laugh at for its humor.

No, you think it's funny, too. Admit it, you're enjoying yourself, you jerk.

No, only sappy, smitten, lovey-dovey, attached-at-the-hip couples did that! And he was anything but part of it! This was dumb, ridiculous, and merely the result of another one of Lucas' crazy mood swings.

...But it was kinda amusing.

From a distance, their loud splashing and voices caught the ear of Peach, who was having a little get-together with Zelda on the patio. Looking over at the ruckus, she smiled at their cavorting.

"Aw, Zel, Zel! Look!"

The other princess raised her head. "Uh?"

"Aw, they're playing..." She swooned. "How cute!"

Her fellow pal frowned. "Looks a little rough to me..."

"Oh, nonsense! They're just having fun! Aw, that's so sweet! And here, I thought Lucas'd be estranged, what with her being a girl and all. You know boys, always thinking we're icky and have cooties and stuff."

Zelda crossed her arms. "If anything, I think they're the exact opposite."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, but it seems Lucas has been attracting a lot of attention in the youth department. It may be they're... smitten with her, just waiting for a chance to pounce on their new feminine friend. Like fresh, new meat thrown into a den of lions, they prey upon her."

Peach frowned. "Has anyone ever told you how morbid and terrifying your opinions are?"

She shrugged. "What you see as morbid and what I see as morbid are two completely different morbids."

"...Whatever. I'm gonna go get them out before they catch cold," she said, walking off incredulously.

Back in the fountain, the water war continued until a wave Lucas swiped into Ness' face accidentally knocked his hat off. Both knew the fight couldn't continue unless he had it, so she decided to grant him a favor and scoop it out. Well, that was nice.

"Oh, thank—" Water drenched him all over again as she jammed in on his head to where it obscured his vision. ...And that wasn't nice.

What was wrong with this girl? Why was she so bent on getting him annoyed? She seemed to love it when he got cheesed off, especially at her. And what about earlier? With the banana? And the erectile dysfunction? What was so funny about that?! Why was she so mischievous and aggressive now? Did the girls teach her that? What had been unleashed?!

"It would've been nice for you to... I dunno, dump the water out before putting it on." He thought he'd say that in case she truly didn't know.

He couldn't see, but could almost sense Lucas staring at him with one of her trademark blank faces, like someone had punched her last week and she still hadn't figured out why. The hat was lifted, and he saw he was right, but her blank stare quickly became an ear-to-ear grin.

"You're crazy," she chirped, shouldering him.

"I know," he responded flatly, too warped to think of a better response. He must've looked like a real dope having this conversation with her, and in the fountain.

Okay, so first he was funny, and now he was crazy? Crazy for pointing out the obvious. What? How did that work? He had reason to believe she was the one crazy and was just in denial. It was times like this he wished the opposite sex came with some sort of instruction manual.

"Uh, hello?! Excuse me!"

The two perked up to see Peach waving at them from a distance. Oh, thank you for stopping the madness and confusion. And he meant that.

"Hey, you two! You should really get out of there and dry yourselves off!"

"Oh, okay!" Lucas waved back. "We'll be out in a minute!"

Aw, that sounded gross. And everyone heard it. Wonderful.

Seeing nothing wrong with this, she waded over and climbed out, butt in his face like she was saying, "Howddya like it soakin' wet, you dog?! Wanna tap that again?!"

...He was finding it harder and harder to differentiate between what he thought she was saying and what he wished she was saying. He never realized how hallucinatory getting turned on could be.

And, of course, there had to be icing on the cake. Yes, icing. Lotsa icing. So much icing, there was more of it than the cake. He'd made note of it before, but there was no hiding it while she was drenched.

Since their outfits were almost the same and Lucas was taller, it looked more like she was wearing a tank top and high-cut shorts now. Uh, did anybody else notice this?

...What a dumb question; of course they did. And why do anything about it? It disrupted the view. And what a view it was.

Peach came over, pushing Lucas off. "Oh, dear! You're soaking wet! Come on, let's get you out of those clothes."

Oh, come on! Why couldn't you say "Let's get you dried off"?!

She looked back to him. "Ness? You come along, too. You're wetter than she is!"

In more ways than one, Peach. Many, many more ways than one.

But no, he'd catch up later. After he went inside and slammed Pikachu's head in a door, facedesked several hundred times, and humped a pillow for, like, two hours.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** If anything, this chapter was full of foreshadowing. I wouldn't be surprised if the climax came soon. ...HAHA, GET IT? SEE, CUZ— Whatever, lol._


	9. Enjoying the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ I'd say something here, but the plot's so vague at this point, I'd ruin the next few chapters if I did. :)_

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 9:**__ Enjoying the Undeniable_

* * *

Well, Ness went in and slammed Pikachu's head in a door several hundred times, but that still didn't stop him from going on and on about how shallow and hopeless he was for doing it. Waste of air, waste of space, yadda, yadda, yadda; same old, same old. Man, he hated that mouse. So, he went to go facedesk, but he did it too hard and it really hurt and left him with a migraine. Since both failed to quell his frustrated hormones, he had to do it the old-fashioned way.

...Unfortunately, he just did it the "old-fashioned way" last night, and something told him if Lucas caught on to how desperate he was to do it again, she'd disregard him for the fun of it. Well, the banana-eating incident probably tipped her off, but who knew? Still, he couldn't let her know he was still hot in the pants for her, but he sure as hell could show this pillow who was boss. It really did help, though. He'd been humping it for about 20 minutes and could already feel the frustration flowing out of him.

...

...

...!

...Aw, crap. That wasn't frustration at all. He just jizzed all over it. Didn't mean to do that. ...This pillow had to die.

Opening the door, he tossed it out into the hall, hoping the laundry R.O.B.s would get to it before anyone else did, slamming said door as quick as he could to avoid detection. Unbeknownst to him, it just happened to smack a bypassing Pit right in the face.

"What the...?" The angel examined the pillow, blanching in horror when he knew all too-well what that weird stuff on it was.

And a bloodcurdling scream told Ness he'd indeed found it before the R.O.B.s.

He snorted. Served him right. He knew better than to go through dirty laundry in this place. Six times out of ten, little samples like that were the prime reasons why they were deemed dirty.

He was about to contemplate on what to do next when someone knocked on the door. It was Link.

"Hey, uh, Ness? We got a fight in five. Shake a leg, all right?"

Oh, good. Maybe he could get out the remaining frustration by actually officially kicking someone's ass. He followed his fellow opponent out, both completely disregarding Pit rolling around the floor and claiming his face was melting off. What a crybaby.

* * *

Link said the fight would be 10 minutes, three stock, New Pork City, but what he didn't tell him was the name of the other opponents. They would probably be chosen at random. He hated random; it always seemed to be someone he didn't feel like fighting. Oh, well. The fight had already started, so there was no time to worry about tha—He frowned. Especially when Capsules were being thrown at his head.

He glared across the stage to see the other opponents, Bowser and... He blanched. Aw, come on...

Lo and behold, Lucas was perched precariously on the highest platform, poised to throw a Smoke Ball. Wait, no. She already threw it, hitting Link as he leapt by to attack Bowser. This was exactly why he hated random choosing.

So, what was he supposed to do now? Attack, right? Well, he was almost afraid to. Lucas had barely been in any battles since she was discovered as a girl, probably due to some cheating and rearrangements by the Idiot Brigade, right? Wrong.

...Yeah, and that was their new name now, the Idiot Brigade. He officially decreed it. And it was because they brought four different types of stupidity to the table, but they did it so well. All of them combined brought forth a whole new type of idiocy of which the likes of the house had never known.

Believe it or not, he had a feeling that her lack of battles was from her being a girl. The initial shock was gone, but it was still weird to fight with her in the feminine sense. They wouldn't admit it, but Ness was willing to bet anyone who wasn't also a girl or infatuated with her was actually scared of her.

Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't, but she sure was getting a lot of space from most of the older Smashers. The only ones who didn't seem bothered by her sex change was Mario, who wasn't scared of anything, Pikachu, who didn't care, Luigi, who was just as weird, if not more, Wario, who, apparently, didn't find harassing little girls as invigorating as harassing little boys, and the "other" fighters, like Game & Watch and R.O.B.

Ever since he'd become a she, Lucas had only fought twice, and both times were with some of the Idiot Brigade, more proof that most of the others feared her. She didn't get one scratch from them, but if anyone else so much as breathed on her, there'd be hell be pay, proven by the beating Kirby and Popo gave Snake not that long ago.

And now, here he was, along with Link and Bowser, against her. It was obvious the two had already made some silent pact to ignore Lucas as much as possible, focusing on him or each other instead. With this in mind, they knocked the snot out of each other, leaving Lucas to stand in no-man's-land and toss various objects across the stage.

A Mr. Saturn. Smart Bomb. Poké Ball. Fan. Party Ball. Anything she could grab, she threw. And anything she threw, missed. Was she doing this on purpose?

Link and Bowser kept fighting until the swordsman emerged victorious. With that done, he charged at Ness, completely ignoring the other blonde.

Oh, look. A Bonsly, out of the Poké Ball Lucas threw. May as well throw it. It hit Link. It killed him. The damage taken from Bowser helped. That was just great. Sarcasm abound.

Seeing this, Lucas hopped down and smacked him with a Beam Sword. Now, why didn't she just hit him with it? It was a sword, that's what they were made for. Women must've liked to throw things as much as guys like to break them.

He didn't know what got into him, but he directed a PK Thunder at her retreating behind, getting a sadistic pleasure in doing so. Was that normal? ...Oh, crap. She was probably gonna tear him a new one for that.

And she did, in the form of a Motion-Sensor Bomb at his feet. The hell she get that from? Oh-so-proud of herself, she ran off to get some more stuff to throw at him, thinking the MSB would keep him busy for a while. Was she serious? All he had to do was avoid it; he wasn't _that_ dumb. Unfortunately, the ditz also wasn't looking where she was going and ran straight into a wandering Bob-omb. Insta-kill, for some reason.

The very second she came back, she actually fought him at close range like a normal fighter. This was okay for a while, until she used that stupid, cheap upwards attack that should've been illegal. Sent him freaking flying. What the hell was that, anyway?

Ness came back and— Crap, Ultimate Chimera. Run. Okay, he was safe. And now, to put the hurt on Lucas. And he did, KOing her. She returned from the beyond with a vengeance and eventually banished him to the abyss as well.

Once again, he came back, actually starting to like fighting her like this. He hadn't had this much fun in a battle in weeks. Dare he say he was... enjoying himself? Perhaps... So, what exactly could he do now—? Oh, hey. Assist Trophy. Aaaand it was...

A Nintendog. Great, just great. Yeah, freaking five stars right there. At least it was cute.

Labrador aside, Lucas appeared outta nowhere and used her Rope Snake to grab him. He expected her to beat the snot outta him, but instead she just pulled him close, almost like she was coming onto him. She had that weird, suggestively naughty look on her face again, not to mention they were much closer than two opponents were allowed in a fight. He tried to regard her vague intentions when—

_**TIME!**_

Damn it. He didn't even hear the countdown.

_**SUDDEN DEATH!**_

Oh, he had to be kidding him. They were actually tied?

And oh, how he despised Sudden Death. Everything that could go wrong always seemed to. Lucas was gonna hang him out to dry after this. He decided to turn tail until she got too close and then smack her with his trusty bat.

She chased after him nonchalantly, getting a disgusting thrill in watching him scramble away. Closing in on him, she was about to do something that would undoubtedly be sexy and awesome, until the Ultimate Chimera literally popped out of thin air and chomped her into submission. That son of a...

_**GAME!**_

* * *

Stupid-ass abomination of mankind, going after Lucas like that. What a bastard. Bowser and Link left the battlefield as great chums, the swordsman even offering to buy him a complementary drink. They'd yuk it up more over this, and everything'd be fine. ...But where was Lucas?

He didn't see her leave and knew for a fact getting your ass handed to you by the UC wasn't something anyone could easily walk away from. He at least hoped she was okay...

_Ah-ha!_ barked his psyche. _You're worried about her, aren't you?_

No, he wasn't! He just... knew how girls were like... tissue paper!

_So? You're still worried about her, you big softie._

No, he wasn't! He couldn't be! That was lame!

_If you're not worried about her, then why're you still standing here? The battle's over; go watch TV or play video games or something. Why aren't you doing that?_

Because he was _curious_ about her well-being, not worried! There was a difference!

Before he could argue with himself further, he was jammed into the wall, Charizard holding him there. Seems the Idiot Brigade was worried about Lucas, too.

"_Too"? As in, along with you? You just told on yourself._

...

"What's your problem?!" demanded Red. "You see what you did to Lucas out there?! You nearly killed her!"

"Yeah! Have some respect for the ladies!" added Kirby. "You're such a barbarian!"

"What kind of a gentleman does that to a girl?! It's a good thing she only likes us! She's too good for you, anyway!" spat Toon Link.

He had to laugh. Oh, if only they knew. Too bad his seedy grins did nothing to please his enemies.

"What's so funny?" demanded Popo. "Why's he laughing? Can't he see we're about to cream him?"

"You never take anything seriously, do you?!" growled the trainer.

"It depends. Am I supposed to?"

That didn't sit well with any of them, so Red commanded Charizard to Rock Smash him over the head. Ness never _could_ figure out when he kept getting those damn rocks from.

"Yeah! So, you know, take that!" added Toon Link, acting as if he'd actually done something. "That'll teach you, you... you... jerk!"

Wow, that had to be the best insult ever. Ness truly felt like the scum of the universe after hearing that.

"Let's get 'em!" growled Popo, probably saying the smartest thing ever... For their standards, anyway.

They were about to advance and tear him limb from limb when someone called out, "Hey!"

The four looked up to see Lucas standing in the doorway leading into the hall, their dopey grins telling they'd all instantly become infatuated with her presence. They must've thought she looked so hot when she was mad, and— Wait, no, that's what he was thinking! What was wrong with him?!

She stomped in angrily, carrying two milkshakes. "What're you doing to Ness? What's going on here?"

Almost immediately, Red grinned as hard as he could. "Oh, hey, Lucas. Nothing's going on here. We're just teaching Ness here some much-needed manners. Y'know, basic stuff."

"Looks more like you're ready to pummel him within an inch of his life..."

Popo smiled like the idiot he was. "Hey, how'd you know that?" Kirby smashed a hammer over his head for his stupidity.

She gasped. "Huh? Why? What'd he do?"

"Don't you know? In the fight back there, he tore you apart! I bet he even threw you into the Ultimate Chimera on purpose in the end, just to show how much of a jerk he is!" answered Kirby, trying to look pitiful.

The blonde gawked even more at that ridiculous claim. "What?! Were you guys even watching the fight? It was an accident! Ness didn't push me, I fell in!"

"Oh, no, don't worry," consoled Red, putting a foot on Ness' head. "We understand wholeheartedly what happened. No need to explain. What you do need to do is take a nice, long rest. Poor thing, I bet you must be exhausted."

"Yeah," Popo gently massaged her shoulders from behind. "Why don't you go take it easy while we show Ness what happens to people who mess with our lovely little Lucas?"

She pulled away, frowning. "No! And you still haven't answered me as to why Ness is on the floor! What did you do to him?!"

Red looked towards the ceiling, twiddling his thumbs innocently. "Okay, okay, so _maaaybe_ we kinda smacked him over the head with a large boulder or something, but don't you tell me he didn't deserve it. Probably knocked some sense into him."

Kirby did a double take. "'We'?"

"A boulder?! Now, Red," she reprimanded," that was totally uncalled for! He didn't deserve that!"

"But he did..." weakly countered Popo. "He hurt you!"

"I don't care. Everyone, just get away from him. Leave him alone, back up, move it, clear out!"

"But, Lucaaaas..." began Toon Link.

She got in his face. "Did I stutter?"

No, she did not. And that's exactly why they obeyed her and backed away from Ness, albeit with a few grunts and grumbles towards him. Red was the only one not budging, shoe still planted on the side of his face.

She looked to him, still grinning like the idiot he was. "And get your foot off his head."

"What? I'm not hurting him. This is simply demeaning him for—"

_"Now!"_

Mumbling, he reluctantly removed his foot, shoving hands in his pockets... but not before giving Ness a swift kick in the side, causing him to cough. Talk about kicking someone when they're down.

Lucas was absolutely furious at this. _**"Red!"**_

"What? He deserved it!"

"You know what?" She shrugged. "Why do I even bother? It's not like telling you this is will do any one of us good. I may as well not even be here, seeing as how dense each and every one of you is."

Toon Link gulped. "What do you mean by that?"

She turned her head. "That I'm not too keen on ganging up on others. I don't take kindly to unfair fights, but why should you care? Apparently, what I want doesn't matter."

Kirby gawked. "What?! This isn't unfair! It's, uh... karma! Yeah, karma! For what he did to you!"

"Yeah, right. Five against one isn't karma, just plain unfair. But I guess that's the only way a bunch of shallow, ruthless barbarians get things done."

Popo flinched. "Shallow?!"

"Ruthless?!" squeal Kirby in disbelief.

Toon Link gasped. "Barbarians?!"

"Aw, Lucas, that hurt," said Red, holding his chest for emphasis. "We're not any of that stuff, and you know it. We just wanna look out for you and make sure you stay nice and safe."

"Yeah, you're too pretty to let go to waste," coyly added Toon Link.

"Oh, really, then?" She furrowed her brow. "If you guys're so eager to beat the snot out of someone, why not let it be yourselves? In a _fair_ fight—"

"Against Ness?!" Popo didn't let her finish, poising his hammer over his head. "Sure! I'll go first!"

"_Against each other!"_ she growled, pretty cross with them at this point. Humbled by this, Popo released his mallet, puddy in her hands as he drew together, smiling insecurely.

Kirby popped up. "Oh, that's easy! I can win a fair fight! Just watch me!"

"Me, too!" added Popo, snapping out of his submissiveness as Lucas eased up. "I can take you all on right now with one hand tied behind my back!"

"But you don't even have Nana," scoffed Red. "Just as well, though, since I'd cream both of you, anyway. Right, Charizard?"

The dragon cut his eyes at him. ("Stop trying to bring me into this.")

"I could win if I really put my mind to it. Besides, with someone gorgeous like you in my corner, how could I lose?" Wow, Toon Link was pouring on the charm today.

Lucas now refused to look at them. "Just so you know, all this talk isn't impressing me in the least bit. Actions speak louder than words, and unless I see any of that, you can kiss your chances of getting back on my good side goodbye."

Horrified at that fact, all four ran off to put their money where their mouth was. Snorting at their exit, she went over to Ness, suddenly looking worried and sympathetic. How like a girl.

"Aw, Ness... Are you okay?" she asked, tentatively picking him up like an abandoned rag doll. "Poor thing. Did those losers hurt you?"

"I've been through worse..." He sat up and also tended to his head, wincing as he ran across the point of impact. Lucas automatically sympathized.

"Oh, they _did_ hurt you! Those knuckleheads!" She took off his hat, wildly rubbing hands through his hair to console him. He simply sighed as she did. Who did she think she was, his mom? And how old did she think he was, five?

"Look, it didn't hurt that much, so stop," he complained, pushing away.

The blonde did let go, only because she was done looking him over. "Well, I'm sure you'll live. Don't see any blood. I think you're okay."

Did he not just say that a few seconds ago? ...Wait.

He perked up. "Lucas, where'd you come from, anyway? I didn't see you leave the fight."

"You know, halfway through it, I got this intense craving for something sweet. It was, like, overbearing, so I went to go get some shakes."

He facepalmed. Of course. Here he was, worried about her, while she was off getting her drink on. He should've seen it coming.

_I thought you said you weren't worried about her._

_**He wasn't! **_

Fortunately, Lucas didn't seem to notice his mental struggle. "All that aside, did I tell you I had a ton of fun in there?"

"Huh?"

"The fight? We just had? It was fun! The best fight I've had in forever! I'll get you next time, though." She grinned at the last remark.

"But you got your head handed to you. What about going easy on you because..." He instinctively donned a pitiful look, "you're a girl?"

She pouted. "Oh, what? Did those oafs tell you that? So untrue. You don't see anybody backing down when they're facing the other girls, do you?"

She was right; Peach, Zelda, Jigglypuff, and Samus had been knocked around just as much as usual, if not more. Nana, on the other hand, was on a bit of a hiatus, since her partner refused to coordinate with her. It didn't matter either way, since when Popo fought, it was for both of them. Ivysaur was at the mercy of Red so, sadly, she didn't count.

"Besides, I actually wanted to get into a nice, all-out fight with someone, and you're the first to give that to me since... well, you know."

Oh, yeah. He knew. Almost better than she did.

"So, here." She offered him a shake. "I think this is one thing you _do_ deserve."

"...Right, heh heh." He faked a smile, reluctantly taking it. For all he knew, it was probably one of those crappy low-fat, watered down, no sugar, all-natural shakes that tasted like raw sewage in comparison to an actual milkshake. He looked dejectedly at Lucas as she stood, sucking her shake down like it was the yummiest thing ever. He sighed and grudgingly sipped his, just waiting to gag.

Shockingly, he found himself sucking it down almost as fast. Surprise, surprise, it wasn't low-fat at all. It was a normal, average, artificial-as-all-get-out, calorie-and-sugar-filled, not-the-best-choice-for-you milkshake. But it was chocolate, so it wasn't that big of a deal. There may not've been an instruction manual on them, but chicks sure loved their chocolate.

"Ooh, ooh! C'mon!" She yanked him from his musings and the floor, dragging him down the hall. "If we don't hurry, we'll miss it!"

"Miss what?"

"The fight, silly! The one I sent those dopes off to? You don't wanna miss that, do you?"

Wow, she was insidious. He thought that was just a way to get them to scram, but it appeared she actually wanted to watch them tear each other apart for her unrequited attention. Not only that, but she wanted him to watch with her. Women were more treacherous than he thought.

In the living room, she plopped down with him on the couch. That poor couch, it must've despised them with every inch of its cushiony insides after last night. Surprisingly, they had it all to themselves, which probably added to its hate for them. According to the TV, the Idiot Brigade was just starting the fight. It was on Yoshi's Island for some reason, probably to appeal to Lucas' overbearing femininity with all the colors and cutesy-poo scenery. Girls liked stuff like that, right?

Oh, well, whatever. He didn't care. He simply sat back with his shake and watched them cream each other. And boy, were they bad. The four usually put up decent fights in actual combat, but since the only thing on their minds was impressing Lucas, they battled carelessly and crazily, not using one inch of strategy.

Popo didn't have Nana, so he was the official whipping boy of the fight, being KOed every second there was. Kirby was too spastic in his endeavors, doing stupid stuff like throwing down explosives near someone in the hopes he'd blow them to smithereens before he was. Not surprisingly, Toon Link fought like he actually had a brain, but it was his undoing, as the others constantly ganged up on him, probably from jealousy. As much as Ness hated to admit it, Red and Charizard were clearly winning.

It was then he noticed Lucas had put an arm around his waist, pulling him close as she continued slurping down her shake. Not a big deal. Girls liked to hug things, so he'd humor her. Her hand soon moved up and began scratching under his hat in the spot where his brains were nearly bashed out. It was still a little sore and her fingers really soothed the pain. Again, not a big deal. He liked it. But it was the last gesture he felt was trying to tell him something.

Her hand left his head, smoothly running down his arm and overlapping fingers with his. She seemed to be getting quite cozy, scooting closer while pulling him over. He eyed her skeptically. She had to know she was doing this, right? In return, she eyed him intently, like they both knew her motives. Continuing his baffled gaze, he assured her he didn't.

Lucas figured she oughta give him a bigger hint, silencing his thoughts by leaning over and resting her head on his. ...And who was he to resist? He replied by lying against her as well, getting nice and snug. All this while both continued enjoying their sweets.

Could it be possible they were... bonding? A soft sigh from Lucas answered that. Great. It must've looked really sappy and lame, too.

...

But really, was anyone around to say that? Were there prying eyes around the corner? Was there someone gazing down for the ceiling? Could he hear indistinct whispering about it in the next room? The answer to all of these questions was no, so why worry?

...Plus, it _did_ feel nice. They weren't doing anything weird, no, not at all. This was perfectly normal, a guy and his girl making themselves comfortable as the competition knocked each other's brains out. What more could he ask for? The only things that made this slightly sappy moment even sappier were the wide grins and happily tranquil faces he knew they wore. It killed his tough inner man to say it, but deep down inside, honestly, truthfully, and frankly... this was bliss.

He glanced back at the TV in time to see Charizard swat Kirby away and break open a Smash Ball. Squirtle and Ivysaur soon joined him in his merciless slaughter and together, all three blew the competition away.

It was embarrassing and shameful; a real pain to watch. Not because of his nearly flawless victory, but because Ness felt he and Red were the true competitors in the fight over Lucas, and if he didn't watch his step, this was what awaited him.

_**GAME!**_

* * *

Pit pulled his head out of the water-filled sink, gasping for air. Of all the dirty, rotten, disgusting things that had to thrown into his face, it had to be that. He'd never be able to look at any pillow without examining as hard as he could first ever again.

Ooh, that Ness had some nerve! He hadn't been keeping tabs on either him or Lucas for a while now, since nothing weird had been going on between them. This was mostly due to the crowd of bachelors constantly drooling over Lucas'... uh, whatever it is they wanted from her. And with so many intrusions, there was hardly enough time for anything weird to happen, therefore, his interest in them plummeted. But he figured it was high time he pick up where he left off and resume his spying of the two. And if not only to tattle on Ness for the slightest little misdemeanor he did, then to steal and/or break something of his to get back at him for subjecting him to his nice, little... sample.

Leaving the bathroom, he passed by some other occupants until he came to the room the two PSI kids roomed in. He inched over to it, looking around to see if anyone was watching. Nope, he only saw Ganondorf and Captain Falcon go downstairs, the two he went by a second ago. Turning back to the door, he was surprised to see it left ajar, which was very rare, as to avoid things like what he was about to do; snoop, pillage, and blackmail.

Going in, he quickly closed the door behind him and began his dirty work. In a nutshell, the room was a total combination of itself; one side was neat and clean, while the other looked like a tornado had invited a hurricane over for a party in it. He assumed this side was Ness'. Let's see...

Shirts, pants, undies, sheets, a pillow, junk, junk, unwashed plates from food he ate in there and still hadn't returned to the kitchen, more junk, more shirts, more junk, discarded books, video games, more sheets, more junk, even more junk, junk, junk, junk, junk— Oh, who was he kidding? Everything in here was a piece of junk. He'd be better off blackmailing him. The only thing of real value he happened across was the TV remote. Frowning, he picked it up. Er, maybe he could throw this out the window or something.

Just then, he heard footsteps outside, Ness talking. Uh oh, time to blow this joint. He bolted for the door, dropping the remote in the process. He was about to zoom out when the doorknob began turning, Ness on the other side. Crap, there was no time! What to do? What to do?!

He wasn't the smartest guy in the house, but what he lacked in intelligence, he made up with craftiness. Using this to his advantage, he leapt away from the door as it opened, diving into the closet and slamming its door. Perfect! He could eavesdrop on Ness from in there and get him back later! Ingenious, if he said so himself. Now to play the waiting game...

Fortunately, Ness was too distracted to notice the loud slamming noise he probably should've heard upon entering. Lucas followed him like a lovesick puppy, perhaps the reason he didn't pay it any mind.

"But like I was saying," continued Lucas, "that was a really nice fight. Both doing and watching. But, uh, sorry for what happened after the guys came back."

"Nah, it wasn't your fault, I guess..." mumbled Ness. Pit peeked out of the closet to see him totally drenched. What happened?

"Yeah, I didn't exactly except Red to flip out and sick his Squirtle on you like that."

Oh. That explained it.

"I think I'd rather him use Charizard. Squirtle's like a freaking hose. Guy didn't know when to quit."

"Well, it's what Squirtles do; squirt..." Ness looked at her oddly until she finished with, "Water."

Trudging over to his bed, he tossed his hat and backpack to the side, groaning as he dripped all over the place.

Lucas giggled at his frustration, like all women just loved to do, and was about to enter when her foot punted a pillow near the door. That wasn't there that morning...

"Hello?" She bent over. "What this?"

Ness paid her no mind and began ringing out his shirt, sighing in defeat as water pooled on the floor. Annoyed to no end, he yanked it off, dropping it to the floor with a heavy splat. He made his way to the closest for something a little less wet.

Pit scrambled, seeing him come closer. It was too dark to see what was what in the confined space, the angel feeling piles of boxes and whatnot against his wings. Once again, he relied on his quick wit to get him of this jam. And boy, did it. At the last second, he scurried behind the unintelligible mess behind him, the sheer amount of it acting as a refuge.

Ness didn't suspect a thing as he opened the door, surveying the mix of clothes on the rack, bundle of discarded scrap on the floor. He reached in and took an aquamarine-colored housecoat out, closing the door back and leaving. Pit sighed and crawled out, adjusting himself and opening the door to peek again. By that time, Ness had already thrown off the rest of his clothing, his attire soaking in the corner near the bathroom. He now sported the housecoat, back turned as he fumbled with tying it.

Seconds later, Lucas entered, holding up a very wet pillow. He immediately pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes in an "Oh, crap" sorta way. She looked at him quizzically.

"Ness, what's this doing outside?"

"I dunno. That's not mine."

"I know. It's mine."

"..."

_Well, at least you left a good impression on it._

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ When I tried to type in "jizzed" at the start of this chapter, my computer suggested "jazzed". Uh, okay. Ness jazzed over Lucas' pillow? All right, I'm cool with that. Dancing with pillows can be sexy, too._


	10. Changing the Undeniable

__

**Authoress' Notes:** Congratufreakinglations, me. I think this is the fastest I've ever wrote a chapter, clocking in at a little over a day. LUCKY YOU. Also, I'm almost certain, near the end, some guys might be a freaked out. Just deal with it, lol.

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 10:**__ Changing the Undeniable _

_

* * *

_

Lucas approached Ness, still holding the violated pillow. Oh, boy. She was gonna give him an earful he soon wouldn't forget.

"So... I guess you had a lot of fun with this, huh? Any particular reason why?"

"It was an accident," he countered, actually telling the truth. "Didn't mean for it to happen."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I seriously thought it was mine."

She turned her head, smiling and raising an eyebrow. Crap, maybe that was telling a bit too much.

"Don't you think grabbing it off my bed would've been a big hint?"

Not when you're hormonally and sexually challenged, just wanting to plow something until it was deader than being dead on dead day with a side of being dead. She wouldn't understand, women never did. Did she really think he would purposely leave himself on something he knew was hers?

"I don't know."

_Oh, real smooth. What a great answer. You deserve a medal._

Shaking her head, she dropped the pillow and came closer. "Ness, I'm really offended."

And now the lecture would start. He prepared for the worse.

Pit smirked. Now he had him. Take a taste of own medicine! And after Lucas was done with him, then, he'd, like, maybe... uh, add to the insult by stealing his... hat! Yeah, that'd get him riled, for sure! And maybe he could even—Huh? Now, what was going on over there?

Why wasn't Lucas kicking the snot out of him or, better yet, slapping him silly with her pillow? She was holding his chin to make him look up to her, speaking softly. He couldn't quite hear and reading her lips was next to impossible. All he caught was her asking about the pillow. She then smiled, continuing with something like, "This is how I feel", or something. What?

His confusion turned to shock as she pulled Ness into a kiss. His eyes nearly popped out of his head. What the—?!

They were...

They were...

They were...!

...They were sucking faces! That's what it was called, right? He wasn't sure. That's what Ike said it was. There was probably a better term, but that one sounded kinky, so he went with it.

But back to the matter at hand, they were doing... it. As their kiss continued, Ness tried to wrap his arms around Lucas, but she pulled away before he could. Still smiling, she took his hands and switched places with him, sitting on his bed while he stood before her. Due to height difference, this was much more comfortable. It was then she let the kissing continue, now letting Ness hold her as she did the same to him.

Oh, what luck! This was the ultimate form of blackmail! Of all the times he decided to eavesdrop, it had to be on something like this! And him without a camera. He really should start carrying one around.

He'd known from the start those two had something going on between them. They were both... uh, what was the word? Psyche? Psycho? Psychiatric? He didn't know, but what he did know was they were quite a hot item from this display.

And what about those other guys? Weren't there some other people besides Ness who were after Lucas? Imagine their faces when they find out about this! But something told him spilling the beans without proof would only result in a massive beat down and another visit to Dr. Mario's therapy sessions. Oh, well. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

A grin found its way to Pit's face as things started to heat up, what with them starting to make noise and scope out each other with their hands. This was just gold, pure and simple. And for some reason, he found himself enjoying this way more than he should've. Perhaps he was expecting them to move on to the next step?

...

...Wait, no! He didn't want that! What was wrong with him?!

He mentally slapped himself, groaning in disgust at how wrong all of this was. Lucas being a girl, her having the hots for Ness, them making out, him watching and liking it. It was a torture in itself to have to deal with this so personally, so why, oh why was he so compelled to watch?!

Ness knew he heard something and stopped, perking up. Pit cursed. Apparently, his grunting had been a bit too loud.

Grinning, Lucas looked at him dopily. "...Hey, what's wrong?"

"...I think I heard something."

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, O Great Palutena, don't let them find him, crap, crap, crap, crap...

She listened for something, frowning when nothing graced her ears. "...Well, I don't hear anything."

That didn't matter. If he thought he heard something, it was something worth worrying about. He sat up attentively, like Pikachu did when listening for him to come around a corner so he could trip him with his tail and say it was an accident.

Irritated, Lucas hung over him, arms around his neck. "It was probably someone falling downstairs again. Maybe Donkey Kong or something. He never was all that good at descending a staircase."

He remained alert. "Lucas, did you lock the door?"

"Huh?" She said it so _stupidly_, like she no longer understood a word he said.

"Did you... lock... the door?" he repeated, sternly this time.

"I don't know. Who cares?"

"I do. I don't wanna do this if you didn't even lock the freaking door."

"Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"So, you _want_ someone to walk in on us? Is that right?"

"I'll get it when we're done."

"Who knows how long that'll be?"

Her smile grew wider. "Exactly."

He looked at her like she was insane. Did he smell hedonism?

"...Maybe we can do this later."

"Aw, no! Ness! That was nothing! We barely got stated!"

"No, I'm not gonna busted over _you_ not being careful," He pulled away. And thus, the smooching ended.

Pit wasn't sure what was worse; feeling disappointed they stopped just when it was getting good, or feeling relieved they weren't going all the way.

"Noooooooooo..." she whined. "Ness, you're killing the mooood..."

"It's already dead," he answered, still looking around.

One could never be too paranoid when doing something like this behind closed doors; he'd seen it on TV a million times, and he was not about to follow the example of getting caught. If they were gonna keep having these little secret affairs, they were gonna be kept secret.

...It was then he realized the impulsiveness of that makeout session. Lucas may've started it, but the true horror came from him being unable to resist it. There was no restraint, no willpower, no control over his response. If Lucas wanted it, well, by all means, he had to comply. No questions asked. He shuddered, feeling like he just woke up from a trance of self-indulgence he kinda wished he didn't wake up from. What was going on here? Lucas simply stared at him, annoyed at his vagueness.

"Fine, then!" she finally spat, going back to her bed. "That was so unsatisfying, nothing like last night!"

Last night?! This wasn't their first time doing this?! Pit sputtered from shock, slapping both hands over his mouth a little too late to stop his outburst.

Ness scowled. Okay, he _knew_ he heard something that time. He looked over to Lucas. "Lucas, don't tell me you didn't hear _that_..."

"No, I didn't and stop trying to change the subject," she huffed, pouting.

Fine, whatever. She was mad now, so there was no point in trying to reason with her until she cooled off. After a long awkward silence, he shook his head and approached their in-door bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."

She scoffed. "You took one this morning!"

"I know," he flatly responded, closing the door.

Inside, he frowned. _How'd she know that? Little stalker!_

"Oooooooh!" Lucas fumed, tightening her fists.

She angrily punched the mattress, but quickly withdrew with a small yelp. A hand was brought to her side as she shuddered, hissing and wincing. Oh, great. Ness had made her so ill, she'd gone and pulled something. It started as a small pang, but quickly escalated as she nursed it. Maybe it was a spasm or something? Yeah, that's what it felt like. Boy, she'd give him a piece of her mind once he got out.

Leaning over, she grabbed Ness' pillow and slowly laid down with it, sighing. The pulled muscle, spasm, or whatever it was already had her glued to the bed, anyway. Pit couldn't see her at that point, but she wasn't moving anymore. Had she gone to sleep? If so, this would be the perfect chance to escape. But what if she wasn't? What if she sat straight up the second he made himself known? To leave, or not to leave; that was the question. Choosing the former would be a real gamble, but Lucas was smarter than Ness and she would happen upon him if he didn't get out soon. Well, time to try his luck.

Opening the closet door, he cautiously inched out and tip-toed over to the room door. And he was wrong about Lucas dozing off. Still pouting, she stared off into space while he carefully turned the knob. Never had he felt doing that could be so _loud_. The door creaking as he opened it was even worse. The blonde suddenly flinched from her spasm, which sent the angel into a panic. Already scot-free, he dashed outside, slamming the door with no regard for her musings.

Startled, she jolted up, looking around in confusion. Did someone close a door? She could've sworn she heard something close... Was it Ness? No, he was still in the shower. ...Maybe he _did_ hear something. Now she was paranoid.

Her fears were confirmed as someone gently knocked on the door.

"...C-come in?" she timidly spoke, something she hadn't done in a long, long time.

The door opened to reveal a smiling Peach. "Hi, Lukey."

"Oh." She smiled. "Uh, hi, Peach. What're you doing in here?"

The princess looked around cautiously, making Lucas nervous all over again. "Hey, uh, is Ness in here anywhere?"

"He's taking a shower."

"Again? Zelda said he wasted almost all the water in the downstairs bathroom this morning..." She waved it off. "Oh, whatever. Listen, think you can come with me for a few minutes?"

"Uh, why?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just another crash course in the Art of Girls 101."

"Oh, sure. I can—" She hissed upon sitting up, forgetting her pain. "Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."

"Oh, dear! Lucas, what's wrong?"

"...I think I might've pulled something," she responded, rubbing her side. "It really hurts when I move now. Right about here..."

Peach went over, relating. "Oh, poor thing. It must be a cramp. You get them sometimes when it's... that time."

"Of the month?" she finished.

"Yes, exactly."

"Well, how do I make it go away...?"

"I'll tell you later." She tugged on an arm. "Right now, we need to get to Sam's room, all right?"

"But I—"

"Now, now, we can't dilly-dally, can we?" She slowly helped her up, Lucas still wincing and whining from the pain. "We'll deal with it when we get there. Come on."

Whatever it was the girls needed to talk to her about, it must've been pretty important for Peach to yank her along like that. And while she was in so much pain, too? Very strange.

* * *

As she was led to Samus' room, she couldn't help but feel like something was wrong. The princess seemed way too happy over this session, her motives vague and slightly sinister. She couldn't put her finger on it, but the closer they got to the room, the more Lucas wanted to break away and run off as fast she could. ...Well, _if_ she could. This cramp seriously had to go.

"Okay, we're here!" she announced, as if Lucas didn't already know that. Opening the door, she let her in first, slowly closing it behind her. She had the sinking feeling the next time it opened, she would never be the same again.

The other girls were already in there, of course, most looking equally suspicious. Seeing her uneasiness, they all smiled insanely hard. Add that to Peach locking the door and the whole ordeal was about to make her go mad.

The pink princess went over to Samus and whispered something. They both giggled and the latter went to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Peach returned.

"Lucas, you said you were having some cramps, so why don't you take a seat on the bed over here?"

She did as told, albeit reluctantly. Samus came back with a hot washcloth. "Here, put this where it hurts."

Again, she reluctantly obeyed, wincing as she did. Once situated, Jigglypuff came over and began massaging through the cloth. Lucas protested to the resulting pain at first, but it soon went away, replaced by nice, soothing pleasure. Okay, maybe they weren't up to anything, after all.

Peach gently held her shoulders. "Lucas, seeing as you're quickly becoming a young lady, I think it's time we update your look. Face it, you can barely squeeze into that old wardrobe of yours, can you?"

She turned up her mouth in thought, just now noticing how small her attire was. A little embarrassed, she tugged on her short shorts. "Well, I guess so... Maybe..."

"Good! Also, while we're on the subject..." She clasped her hands together, oh-so-girlishly. "Lukie, what's your favorite color? And be honest, now."

"Well..." She rubbed her head in deep thought, then blushed. "...I've always been... a little partial to pink..."

"Ah ha!" Peach shouted, startling her. "I knew it! You totally strike me as a pink type of girl! See, I told you guys!"

Zelda scoffed. "Well, excuuuuse me, princess."

Everyone frowned at that until Samus cleared her throat. "Peach, you know not every girl is madly in love with pink like you are. I actually like blue much better."

"Whatever." She blew her off, going back to Lucas. "Anywho, dear, you think you could do us all a big favor and close your eyes?"

Lucas felt a little uncertain about this, but the collection of creepy smiles weren't making things any better. Sighing, she went with and it obeyed Peach's request. Now blind, her ears perked at footsteps, scattered giggles, and someone shushing them. A pair of hands took hers and put something in them. It felt warm, snuggly, and soft, making Lucas' fingers desperately try to decipher the object. The suspense was killing her.

"Okay," giggled Peach, "open your eyes!"

The other blonde had never been so happy to see. Instantly, her eyes looked upon the item she was holding. It looked like some sort of... blanket? Holding it up so she could see better, Lucas discovered it was a shirt. It looked exactly like the one she wore, expect it was yellow and pink and big enough to fit her properly.

She gasped. "Oh, wow! I-is this for me?!"

"Why, yes it is," said Zelda. "I don't know about those men, but women need to be properly treated and taken care of. That's why we banded together to make this for you."

"And we wanted it to be something you could get accustomed to, so we made it similar to the stuff you _used_ to be able to wear," added Nana.

"I chose the secondary color," bragged Peach. "Something told me you had a weak spot for pink like I do.

"Oh, and you dropped something down there," pointed out Samus.

Lucas looked down to see she was right. Bending over, she rose with a pair of jean shorts suitably bigger than her current ones. "New shorts, too?!"

("Yeah,") nodded Jigglypuff, still massaging. ("Those daisy dukes you got on don't cut it anymore. _If_ Peach measured correctly, they should reach your knees.")

Peach gave her a dirty look. "What do you mean, 'if'?"

("Well, I'm not one to judge, but you did sort of have your head in the clouds while you were doing them...")

She tightened a fist. "I'll show head in the clouds, you—"

"Girls, girls..." soothed Zelda, soothing her. "You can fight like uncivilized skanks later. Right now, we've more matters to attend to."

Lucas' eyes sparkled. "...Can I... Can I try them on now?! Please, please, pretty please?!"

"Sure," grinned Samus, almost too hard. "Go on with your bad self."

Lucas took that to heart and pranced into the bathroom to try out her new outfit. As soon as the door closed, everyone dropped their corn-fed smiles, sighing in relief.

Peach glared at Samus. "'Go on with your bad self'? Really, Sam, we're trying to make her feel comfortable, not bust a move."

"Well, I had to say something. Cut me a break. This is hard."

"And you, Jiggly. What was with that crack? That was totally uncalled for. You, ma'am, are copping a 'tude with me."

She angrily puffed up. ("I'm not! I just don't think I should be in here! I can't identify to anything you guys're saying, so why bother?")

"Because you're a lady, and Lucas is gonna need all the womanly support she can get to help her on the long, rocky road to womanhood."

("Then why isn't Ivysaur in here?")

"She belongs to Red, therefore, he must at least be in the vicinity for her to attend. And I'm not about to have a man, let alone that _pervert_, around here."

Jigglypuff continued pouting. ("But that's so stupid!")

Nana tugged on Peach's dress. "Uh, Peach? When I start puberty, is it gonna be this painful and confusing?"

"Oh, no. It'll be much smoother, since we all know your gender." She made a face. "...You _are_ a girl, right?"

She gasped. "Of course I am!"

"Okay, okay. As long as you know..."

As she left, Nana took a small peek in her underpants. She _thought_ this was what girls had. Maybe she could ask Peach later...

"Ah, she's gonna hate us in a minute," said Samus, hanging around the door. "I think she's almost done in there."

"I know," responded Peach. "Let's all try our best to make this as painless as we can."

("Easier said than done,") scoffed Jigglypuff.

Seconds later, Lucas popped out of the restroom, grinning from ear-to-ear at her new clothes. "So? How do I look?"

"Perfect!" said Peach through a cheesy grin. "Like a real classy gal! Isn't that right, everybody? Isn't she lovely?"

She was answered by halfhearted grins and scattered claps. This made Lucas blush.

"And now that we can see they fit you perfectly, why don't you, say, uh... take them off?" suggested Peach.

"W-what?!"

She grinned painfully. "What? ...Is there a problem?"

She blushed. "Yes, there's a problem! ...I... I don't wanna take them off! I just got them on! Besides, I can't be... exposed... out here... In front of all of you..."

"Oh, why not? We all have the same thing."

"But..." She hugged her arms. "It's... it's weird... and I don't..."

"Now, now... I promise, there's nothing wrong with it. Just lift it up... Like this..." She smiled and gingerly pulled it up, causing Lucas to squeal.

"W-wait, no! I don't... This isn't—!"

Too late. Peach had already yanked it up, wrapping it around behind her neck. Lucas looked half-ready to cry, trying to cover herself. The girls looked her up and down in interest, which only succeeded in making her more nervous. If she didn't know any better, she'd say they were trying to judge something.

Peach seemed interested, but a little disappointed, like what she saw was good, but she didn't like it. Zelda seemed a little shocked and baffled, but brushed it off casually. Samus turned her nose up, refusing to get another eyeful; what she saw the first time was enough. Nana appeared the same way, while Jigglypuff ignored her altogether.

"...Can I put my shirt back down now?" she asked, tired of so many different gazes.

Peach grinned seedily. "...Lucas, I have a question for you."

"...What?"

She handed her some sort of underwear. "Tell me what you think this is and where it should go."

Lucas took it and looked the thing a hundred times over. What was this thing? It looked a little like a jock strap, but she never had any experience with one, so... She put it up to her head as if it was a headband, but Peach smiled oddly, which must've meant that was wrong.

Was it a... neckbrace? No. Did it go around your stomach? No. Did it go in your pants? ...No? Starting to feel stupid, Lucas' face contorted to where she looked ready to cry.

Panicking, Peach quickly took it from her, smiling nervously. "Uh, Lucas, it's called a training bra."

"Training... bra?" She turned her head. "How am I supposed to train with it? Stretch it?"

"No, no. It's what your wear until you're ready for a real bra."

"Well, what exactly do bras... do?"

At a loss for words, Peach looked to Zelda and Samus for help, but the two simply disregarded her, not wanting any part of this. She scowled. Lazy good-for-nothing—

"They help keep... those perky," she responded, grimacing. "Trust me, it's in your best interest you wear this."

Lucas was lost. "...Those?"

Sighing, Peach directed her hands to what she was talking about. Apparently, using the correct name for "those" was taboo.

"Oh, those! Yeah, I noticed them, too!" Lucas smiled as if she finally got the idea, then frowned. "What are those?"

The princess facepalmed as Samus and Zelda giggled at her struggle. "Those are your... girly parts."

"But I thought my girly parts were..."

"In your pants. Yes, they are, but you've got more than that."

"How come I didn't have these before?"

"Because they grow on you."

"...Do you have any?"

"Why, of course! We all do!"

Nana cleared her throat as Jigglypuff looked on in annoyance.

Peach made a face. "...Nana's will come in soon enough, but I don't think Jigglypuff clarifies... Now, turn around and let me help you put it on."

"Put it on?" she echoed.

"Yes. The training bra? You'll need to start wearing this from now on."

"Oh, uh... okay?" That didn't seem too bad, so she did as told. Getting it on, she looked back. "...Uh, it's a little itchy."

"Oh, it won't be when you get use to it." She unhinged her shirt and smoothed it out, turning Lucas to face everyone else. "There! Good as new! Aw, you're so pretty!"

Again, the others applauded and again, Lucas blushed.

"Aw, thank you, everybody. You really didn't have to do this... Really."

"Of course we did. What kind of girls would we be if we didn't look out for each other? Bad ones, that's what," said Zelda.

For some reason, that seemed to fly over the blonde's head as she suddenly got excited. "Ooh, ooh! I'll catch up with you guys later! I'm gonna go show everyone else right now!"

She was about to bolt out the door, forgetting it was locked, when Peach pulled her back. "Wait, wait. Now, hold on a minute. We're not quite done yet."

"Huh?" She beamed. "You mean, there's another surprise?!"

"Uh, sort of." She brought her over to sit on the bed again. At this, Lucas noticed everyone else getting up and going to fetch something. That was odd... "Darling, is there something else you see we have that you don't?"

Watching them scatter, Lucas looked through the crowd of girls over and over again, but could come up with nothing. Baffled, she shrugged.

"Why, accessories!" she answered, pointing to her earrings. Samus and Zelda pointed to theirs, Nana revealing her stubs by taking off her hood. Meanwhile, Jigglypuff rolled her eyes.

"Oh... I see. So, what's that got to do with me?"

As if to answer her question, Zelda transformed into Sheik and came up brandishing several needles. Nana got some washcloths and towels from the bathroom, while Jigglypuff brought a bowl of hot water, Peach pulling out some chocolate. Lucas didn't like the look of this.

"...W-wait, what's going on?"

A firm grip on her hand from Peach startled her. "Nothing, dear. Here, have some chocolate."

"Ooh!" It was almost like a sedative. Lucas quickly partook of a candy bar she offered, forgetting all about the other girls slowly easing up on her.

"Is it good?"

She happily nodded. "Mm-hmmm!"

Lucas was too busy with her chocolate coma to notice Peach looking over her and motioning to Sheik. She nodded back and reached over to Nana, who put some rubbing alcohol on a cloth and handed it to her. Jigglypuff draped a towel over Lucas' shoulders and Samus sat on the other side of her, holding her other arm as firm as Peach.

"Mmmm... That was good..." Finished with the treat, Lucas immediately noticed more on bed. Smiling, she asked, "Can I have some more?"

"In a minute, Luke. Now, I've got one more thing to ask you to do for me."

"What?"

"I want you to close your eyes and think happy thoughts."

"Uh, why?"

"Um, to achieve inner peace with your new self," quickly lied Samus.

Peach smiled. Ooh, good call. "Yes, exactly. Think of it as meditation, but the fast version. And I'll give you chocolate while you do so."

"Okay!" Close your eyes and get chocolate?! She'd be a fool to resist! She did as told, searching her mind for something happy. Now, what could she think about? What could she think about...?

...

"_**So... I guess you had a lot of fun with this, huh? Any particular reason why?"**__ she remembered asking._

"_**It was an accident,"**__ answered Ness, looking like a deer in the headlights. __**"Didn't mean for it to happen."**_

"_**Oh, really?"**_

"_**Yeah. I seriously thought it was mine." **__Was he... blushing?_

_It took all her strength not to laugh at that. __**"Don't you think grabbing it off my bed would've been a big hint?"**_

_He made a variation of disgruntled faces until he came up with the amazing answer of, __**"I don't know." **_

She smirked at the conversation, now off in la-la land. It was exactly what Peach wanted.

"_Okay, now," _she whispered_._

Sheik crept up and tugged on Lucas' earlobe, dabbing it with alcohol and poising a scorching hot needle over it.

"_Now us do us a favor and try not to miss this time,"_ she continued._ "Remember what happened during practice?"_

Sheik rolled her eyes. _"Yeah, yeah. I got it."_

"_I don't think I can watch,"_ whispered Nana, covering her eyes.

_("I sure can,")_ smirked Jigglypuff.

Lucas was still daydreaming, in the midst of thinking about how silly and paranoid Ness was being earlier. She'd calmed down by this point, so it was pretty funny now. It just didn't seem like him to be so uptight, but that's what made it hilarious. She had to wonder why he was so—

Well, she'd have to wonder about that later, as she was torn from her thoughts by a horrible, stinging pain in her ear. Without hesitation, her eyes snapped open, she threw back her head and screamed.

"_**AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Sheesh, those girls are brutal. Maybe that's why Brawl won't allow more than half a dozen or so._


	11. Defending the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ This chapter is just bursting with plot twists! ...Not. April Fools! XD_

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 11:**__ Defending the Undeniable_

* * *

Ness stepped out of the shower, feeling fresh as a daisy. He expected Lucas to still be pretty cheesed off at him, so he didn't even bother thinking of any conversation. The moment he pulled the towel away from drying his face, he realized his roommate was nowhere to be found.

Of course.

_You're getting worried about her again, aren't you?_

He wasn't _worried_, okay?! He was curious! She was mad when he last saw her, so there was no telling where she'd gone, therefore, he was curious!

_Denial, denial, denial. Is that your middle name or something?_

He ignored his emotional pangs and fetched his still-drenched clothes from earlier, as well as Lucas' dirty clothes from another corner of the room. It was well into the evening now, and the R.O.B.s would be around any minute to pick it up. Making sure his robe was tied to avoid any embarrassing displays, he opened the door to throw out the clothes. No sooner had he done so, he smacked a R.O.B. in the face, making its head and torso each do a 360 in opposite directions.

"BZZT! ZZZERT! BZZAZZT! PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET," it droned, finished spinning and holding said basket.

Ugh, he already did, stupid thing. These brands of R.O.B.s were nowhere near as competent as the Brawler R.O.B., and he wasn't all that smart to start with. Ness sometimes wondered why everyone would stop be so lazy and wash their own clothes, as well as do 99.9% of other chores in the house. The only things these guys were good at were shooting things and malfunctioning. Apparently, it was doing the latter right now.

"PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET," it repeated, still holding out the basket. Did it even notice it was already filled to the brim with dirty clothes?

At that moment, another R.O.B. zipped by and over to the next room, slamming into the door. It backed up, head doing a 360, and adjusted the empty clothes basket it held. It continued this process until a very annoyed Falco opened the door.

"_**WHAT?!"**_ he growled.

"PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET," it said.

"Oh, yeah. That. Uh, hang on a second." He darted back in, exchanged some dialogue with Wolf and came back out with a load of clothes. "Here you go."

Its head spun around once more. "THANK YOU FOR THE DIRTY CLOTHES, MA'AM. THEY WILL BE WASHED AT ALL SPEED. EXPECT THEIR CLEANLINESS IN 2.8 HOURS."

Geez, dumb things could even get people's gender right.

The bird frowned as Wolf laughed from inside. "...Yeah, whatever."

With that, the door slammed. The R.O.B. whirred and slammed into it again before backing up, turning, and going back from whence it came. Meanwhile, Ness was still stuck with his broken-ass R.O.B.

"PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET."

He already did! He thumped it over the head several times to see if it got the message.

"VIOLENCE IS NOT APPRECIATED, MA'AM. PLEASE DEPOSIT DIRTY CLOTHING IN APPOINTED BASKET."

Oh, so it was smart enough to know he was hitting it, but dumb enough to think he was a girl? Brainless piece of junk...

Seeing as he still thought violence was the answer, the thing dropped the clothes basket and grabbed Ness, shaking him and up down. They weren't designed to fight, so this was all they could do for a means of retaliation. He scrambled out and, out of desperation, hurled the basket at it. This only made things worse as it charged forward and began waging one of the stupidest wars ever with him.

The struggle continued as Lucas blankly walked by and into the room. Seconds later, she exited with her messy pillow, tossing it in the basket and putting the scattered clothes back in. She calmly sat it up next to the R.O.B. and backed off. Sensing this, it dropped Ness and happily fetched the basket, turning to her.

"THANK YOU FOR THE DIRTY CLOTHES, MA'AM. THEY WILL BE WASHED AT ALL SPEED. EXPECT THEIR CLEANLINESS IN 1.7 HOURS."

Oh, so it called everyone that. No biggie, but still annoying.

"Oh, wait a second..." She noticed its head, crooked from the fight with Ness, and fixed it. "Okay, there you go."

"THANK YOU, MA'AM. VISION HAS BEEN INCREASD BY 70%. CLOTHING WASHING TIME UPGRADED. EXPECT THEIR CLEANLINESS IN 0.9 HOURS."

What the—?! Clothing time upgraded?! That meant it was gonna do their clothes first, i.e., it was doing her a favor! He could only assume this was its way of thanking Lucas for doing what was asked of her and not mercilessly attacking and throwing baskets at it. Well, that and fixing it up a bit. Dumb things didn't deserve to be fixed if they were just gonna act up again later.

Watching the abomination take its leave, it was then Ness noticed Lucas sporting some new clothes. Surprising as it was, he actually liked this over her skin-tight outfit from before. Sure, there wasn't much skin showing to get turned on to, but this left more to the imagination. In other words, she looked even more feminine than before. ...But was it from the shirt alone? It couldn't be, could it? ...Well, whatever, maybe. Now what was with her face?

The blonde looked as if someone had stabbed her in the back, literally. She was a bit pale, eyes and expression blank. Her body appeared stiff and confined, like she was almost afraid to move, not to mention she had the distinct aura of insecurity about her. After what seemed like forever, she inhaled deeply and spoke.

"Ness, please tell me you notice something different about me."

Well, the clothes were a given, so it must've been something else. He looked her up and down until his eyes ran across a pair of pink heart-shaped earring stubs. That sure wasn't there earlier. Ah, that must've been the icing on the girlified cake. Earrings were, like, the fourth-most important things to women, right? Next to, uh, chocolate, clothes, and... shoes? Yeah, that sounded right.

"Nice... earrings?"

She sighed in relief, looking quite crazy in the process. "Oh, good... You have no idea how hard it was getting these things... And if anyone didn't notice, well... I don't know what I would've done..."

...Was that a threat?

Uncertain of this, he had to ask, "...Is there something wrong with you?"

"Oh, nothing," she sighed, rather painfully. "Getting the piercings, it... it really hurt. I'm... in a lot of post-pain right now. But I'm okay. Hurting, but okay."

Wait, they were piercings?! He thought they were clip-ons! Ouch, no wonder she looked so miserable.

She suddenly perked up. "But, you know what? I'm okay, because Peach said... this is what... girls have to do, apparently, and I don't wanna be out of the loop... y'know?"

"I guess."

"Good, so... Do you think they look pretty?"

Well, if there was any doubt left in anybody's mind that she was still a boy, those earrings wiped it clean out.

"Well, yeah. They kinda... match your shirt and... hair."

_Ew, that was lame._

Aw well, what else could he possibly say?! Girls were supposed to ask _other_ girls their opinion on their looks, because if a guy told them their honest opinion, it'd always end in pain and tears for both. What was the point? As long as they weren't flat-out ugly, guys didn't care what girls looked like! Fortunately and oddly, this was his honest opinion, and he could tell Lucas loved it.

"Aw, thanks, Ness! That's really sweet of you to say, 'cuz that's what the girls kept saying, too! You've a good perception. Did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Not really."

Especially since he wasn't too sure what that was.

"And I'll have you know I'm not mad at you anymore for earlier. The girls gave me a bit of a special treatment during our time together, so getting the earrings weren't... _too_ bad."

Huh, really. He noticed the emphasis on "too", so he'd buy it.

She turned her mouth up. "...You're not still mad at me, are you?"

He never was mad at her. He just wanted to get out of dodge before she unleashed the fury of a woman's fury.

He answered with a simple, "No."

"Oh, good. Now that we've got that out of the way..." She smirked. "You wanna pick up where we left off?"

* * *

"_**REEEEEEEED!"**_

Downstairs, Pit hopped, skipped, jumped, and flew past nearly every person in the house, causing quite a ruckus in the form of dropped objects, irritated cries, people running into each other, skirts flying up, other people trying to look under them, and said people getting slapped silly.

"Red, Red!" He scrambled down the hall until he spotted Red's hat while zooming by a doorway. "Red! Oh, there you are! Man, I'm glad I found you. Listen, Red, I gotta tell you something!"

Red rolled his eyes, looking up from grooming Ivysaur. "Aw, Pit, don't start this crap again..."

He ran over to the table he was at, seeing he and the Idiot Brigade were sitting around like a bunch of lovesick saps, smiling, laughing, sighing, and whatnot. And he knew exactly why, too.

"Red, just hear me out for a sec—"

"No. Whatever it is, I don't care, so you can stuff it. Now go away, we're too busy listing all the wonderful, beautiful, perfect, and sexy things there are about Lucas to deal with you."

"We're up to 34,790!" happily said Kirby, having the ridiculously long list to prove it.

"Ooh!" suddenly said, Popo getting a half-assed idea. "Put down she's got a nice butt!"

Toon Link shot him a look. "We already did."

"But it's serious!"

Again, Red brushed him off. "Nothing is ever serious with you, so bug off before I have Ivysaur personally escort you out."

"Oh, yeah? Aren't you forgetting I'm the one who first found out Lucas was a girl to begin with?"

"Yes, yes, we all know that, and thanks a lot for being unable to prove it, now scram."

"Fine, then." He turned to leave. "I mean, I'm pretty sure the fact it has to do with Lucas is no big deal to you guys, so—"

"_Lucas?!"_ Immediately, the entire Idiot Brigade bolted from the table, running over to the angel at all speed.

"What's wrong with Lucas?!" freaked Toon Link.

"Is she hurt?! Is she okay?!" asked Popo.

Kirby tugged on his wings from behind. "What happened to her?! Tell us! Tell us!"

Red made Ivysaur grab his collar with a Vine Whip. "_You_ didn't have anything to do with this, did you?"

He struggled and frowned. "No, it was something I saw, now call off your overgrown weed, or you can just forget about me spilling the beans!"

Both the trainer and Pokémon sneered at this remark as Ivysaur dropped him like a hot potato.

"Now, spill," he spat. "What's going on with Lucas?"

He stood, brushing himself off. "Well, I'll have all of you know I caught her, uh... what was it called again...?"

"Stripping?!" heatedly asked Popo.

"Streaking?!" grinned Red.

Toon Link was practically on cloud nine. "Proclaiming her unyielding love for me?!"

"Baking cookies?!" drooled Kirby.

Pit waved off their perverted suggestions. "No, no, no! It was called... uh, sucking faces! Yeah, that's what it was! With Ness! Sucking faces with Ness!"

"..." Everyone frowned, their interest dissipating.

He blinked, shocked at their reactions. "...What? What?!"

Red scowled. "C'mon, Pit. We all know you're the biggest fibber in the house, but that's just sad."

Toon Link shook his head. "Lucas hitting it off, with Ness, of all people? That's not even believable. At least make it somebody we think could be a threat. Like... one of us."

"TL's right. If you came up and told me you caught her and Red sucking face, I'd kick him in the balls, but at least it'd be creditable," snorted Popo.

Kirby rubbed his head in confusion. "I don't know what 'sucking face' is, but it sure sounds like something _I_ could do, so I know you made it up!"

"Look, I know it seems crazy, but it's true! Need I remind you about who first saw her... yeah?"

"Yes, we know! It was you!" growled Red, throwing his arms up. "It was all you, and nobody else! We get it! Can we please get off that now?!"

"Actually," He smirked. "Ness was in there with me. He saw her little show, too."

"..." Immediately, everyone's face fell upon realizing that.

"I mean, I personally don't find what she has to offer the least bit interesting..." His smirk grew wider. "But I'm sure Ness does."

* * *

It was so nice, after a long, hard day of work, Ness could finally get things up and going with Lucas again. Okay, so it'd been a long day of almost nothing happening, but that was no reason not to use that as an excuse to mess around. Being such an avid baseball fan, he could officially say he'd hit second base with her when, out of nowhere, someone slammed into the door, angry voices accompanying it. The two separated and groaned, irritated.

"Lucas, you in there? Why's the door locked?!" came Red's annoying voice.

"Yeah, we need to talk to you!" said Popo's.

"And see your pretty face again! It sustains us more than you'll ever know!" cooed Toon Link.

Ness looked to Lucas, smiling knowingly. "See? _That's _why we lock the door."

"All right, I get it," she scoffed, hitting him with the remaining pillow. "Now be a gentleman and go get the door, why don't you?"

He frowned. "What? Why me? They want you!"

"But I don't want _them_." She egged him on. "They'll go away faster if they think you're the only one in here, so go."

He sighed. Well, she did have a point, which was especially annoying when he thought he was starting to sound like the smart one. He grumbled to himself as he trudged over to the door to open it. All they were trying to do was enjoy some much-wanted alone time, and these dopes couldn't even stop bugging them for that long?

"Whaddya want?" he flatly asked upon opening the door.

Everyone frowned at being greeted by the male occupant of the room.

"Oh," said Red with a scorn. "It's _you_."

"Yeah," mirrored Ness. "It's me."

Red didn't take kindly to that, narrowing his eyes as Ness also narrowed his. The rest of the Idiot Brigade was nowhere near as much of threat as this horny mutt.

"Uh, Ness?" asked Kirby, snapping them out of their little staredown. "It's nice to see you and all, but we're here for Lucas."

"She's not in."

Red raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really, now?"

"Yes, really, now," he retorted, crossing his arms.

The peeved look on his face showed he didn't believe him as he looked around him and further into the room for their blonde sweetheart. The others saw this and followed suit. Seeing he was being ignored, Ness angrily snapped his fingers to get their attention.

"Hey, bozos! Didn't you hear me? I said she's not in!" Oh wow, he was being snippier than usual today. Defensive, much?

Too bad all that snippiness did nothing to stop Red from pushing him aside and looking inside in time to see Lucas take refuge on the other side of Ness' bed. Immediately, he smiled.

"Aw, there she is!" he said, voice practically salivating with lust. "Look how pretty she is, over there trying to be all shy!"

She flinched at this, sighing in defeat as she faced him, faking a smile and waving. "...Oh... Hi, Red..."

The rest of the Idiot Brigade heard that and threw themselves against the crack of the door, straining around Ness to see the source of her voice. He felt like he was being humped by a pack of hungry, horny dogs the way they struggled against their blockade to get to the prize that lurked within.

"Hi, Lucas!" they swooned.

Popo frowned at Ness. "I thought you said she wasn't in!"

"And she would've stayed that way if you asses had stayed outside," he retorted, trying to push them back out. "Now, go away! She doesn't wanna see any of you right now, and neither do I!"

"No way! That's a big, fat lie and you know it!" answered Kirby.

"Too bad! Now scram!" growled Ness.

"No, _you_ scram!" spat Red. "Who died and made you in charge of when we can see her?!"

"C'mon, we'll only be in here for a minute!" whined Toon Link.

"Yeah, and you two room together! You'll have plenty of time to spend with her after curfew!"

It was completely unintentional, but Popo's remark sent the others into a frenzy. Lucas couldn't help but laugh at Ness' desperation in trying to keep the boys out. He looked half-ready to kill someone, as did Red. They both looked the craziest amid the struggle, Red pushing back the psychic's head, while Ness retorted with an angry foot jabbing him in the stomach. The others just looked annoyed and frantic.

Finally, Ness had had enough. He conjured up a quick PK Fire and zapped Toon Link in the face, instantly making his hat burst into flames. Horrified, he tripped over Kirby and, in his effort to try and put it out, only succeeded in setting Popo's parka ablaze. Red saw this coming a mile away and backed off. Unfortunately, he ran into a passerby R.O.B. toting a laundry basket, making it spill the also-very-flammable clothes basket over him. Kirby could only look on in confusion as all four of them, R.O.B. included, ran down the hall in flames. Confused, the puffball blinked at Ness.

"Uh, something tells me I should go, so I think I will. ...See you at dinner!" He smiled, happily running off. "Oh boy, I hope we're having lasagna tonight!"

Again, Kirby's naiveté was one to be envied. How he could pine for Lucas in the most questionable way ever and still consider Ness his pal? Whatever, he didn't care, closing the door and going back to the blonde.

She tittered. "That was quite a show. You showed them who was boss, huh?"

...Yes, he _did_ beat them off, didn't he? Yeah, he did show them who was boss. It may've been stupid to do so, but Ness felt pretty proud of himself. Saying he was feeling a little cocky would've been an understatement.

Lucas was about to say something else when Wario busted in. "Hey, what're you two still doing up here? Dinner's about to start, so get your butts downstairs, pronto! ...Or not, I don't really care. I'm just doing this 'cuz it's my turn to remind all the dunderheads who forgot."

And just to show how much of an asshole he was, the fat man proceeded to dig in his nose like it was a gold mine and flick mercilessly into the room.

Lucas recoiled, squealing, "Ewwwww!"

He cackled at her disgust until a bat to the head knocked him silly, making him mutter angrily to himself and slam the door upon leaving. Relieved, but shocked, Lucas turned to see Ness frowning.

"I'm really getting sick of that guy," he grumbled, still in a throwing pose.

"...Why did you throw that?" she asked, baffled.

Huh. To be honest, he didn't know. But Wario's guffawing was really annoying, and the booger-flicking was way uncool, not to mention he never really liked him anyway and—

_Lucas was in distress, so you came to her rescue..._

Yeah, and she was— What?! Wait, no! No, that's not why he did it! No! Shut up! That's not why he did it!

_You're in denial again,_ responded his psyche, in a singsongy kind of way. _You know you threw that because you couldn't stand seeing her being messed with._

No, that was completely wrong! He hated Wario with every inch of his being just as much as she did! This had nothing to do with chivalry, so _**shut up!**_

Noticing his flustered expression, she playfully shouldered him. "...Y'know, that was really, uh, sweet of you to act so quickly to that. You know much of a pain he is."

No, no! He only did it because he was a pain to _him_! He didn't do it because he didn't like seeing her being harassed and wanted to defend her! That wasn't the case at all!

"We need to go eat," he quickly said, trying to disregard her complement. "Before he and Kirby suck it all up."

She smiled. "Oh, perfect! Now everyone can see my new clothes! And you can help show them off... right?"

"...What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I was just saying the contrast between us would help show them off. I'm sure everyone would notice faster if we were together, see?"

Oh, she was toying with him. Perverse psychology, or whatever it was called.

_Reverse._

Whatever.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Okay, there were no plot twists in this installment, but there's a 90% chance the next one will be. _

_...No. April Fools again! It's actually more like 30%, lol._


	12. Doing the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Okay, now this chapter has a plot twist, the second best one in the story! Yay! _

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 12:**__ Doing the Undeniable_

* * *

In the lunchroom, Red angrily tapped his foot, eagerly waiting with the rest of the Idiot Brigade for Lucas to arrive. All four were already situated at the perfect table with the perfect food, perfect drinks, and perfect plans to woo their little blonde beauty. The only problem? She was late! It was already... two whole minutes since dinner started! Where was she?!

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww..." whined Popo, slumped over the table. "Where's Lucas, already? She should've been here hours ago!"

"In my defense, I think you're exaggerating a bit, but you're right; she _is_ late," said Toon Link, looking worried.

"Yeah!" sadly moaned Kirby. "Dinner just isn't dinner without her! I don't even know if I can eat!"

Everyone looked at him incredulously until he looked down at the food before him.

"All right, well, maybe I'm not _that_ desperate," he finished, quickly dumping the meal down his throat. "But still, she made it taste a bazillion times better..."

Almost on cue, Lucas strolled in, looking as chipper as ever. Of course, the Idiot Brigade was ecstatic.

"Hi, Lucas!" they happily greeted, grinning like a buncha maniacs. No sooner had they said that, their faces fell.

"Oh, hi, guys." She waved. "Sorry we're late. Ness had to wait for his shirt to get dried after a certain somebody decided to—" It was then she noticed how stupefied they looked. "Guys?"

Ness wasn't able to comprehend what they could possibly be seeing, but from their symptoms, it must've been intoxicating. The flushed faces, wide eyes, tightened muscles, dry mouths, deep breathing, trembling hands; yeah, it was all there. Their sexual desires had officially been raised to a fever pitch.

Red finally managed to say something, albeit breathless. "L-Lucas... you... you look... you look..."

"You look hot!" spat Popo, pretty much taking the words outta his mouth.

She blushed. "I... I do?"

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww..." giggled Kirby as if he were looking at a mountain of candy. "Lucas, you look soooooo pretty...!"

"She's more than pretty; she's beautiful..." swooned Toon Link.

Her blush continued. "...Really?"

"Really, really!" panted Popo.

Lucas was about to respond when they zipped over to her faster than the speed of light, smothering her in their disgusting desires and hedonism.

"Lucas, Lucas!" squealed Kirby, holding his arms out. "Hug me, hug me! Please, please!"

"Oh, uh... okay." She did asked, making Kirby wiggle and smother her wonderful, voluptuous chest.

Frowning, Popo heatedly pulled on her shirt. "I want a hug, too!"

Putting the puffball down, she turned and also gave him one. Toon Link shuffled excitedly.

"C-c-c-can I get one, too? I-I-I want one, too!"

She embraced him as well, making him nearly pass out from pleasure.

Red looked offended. "Hey, what about me? Why don'tcha show me some love?"

Again, Lucas turned to hug Red, but Ness couldn't shake a weird feeling from seeing them together. Even with her little growth spurt, Red was still about a foot or so taller, making the pairing of the two look perfect, at least size-wise. And since Red was the most devious of the Idiot Brigade, he looked the smuggest and perviest during their encounter, especially considering how tight and firm he was holding her, fingers excitedly squeezing and sampling her desirable waist. It was like a spider who'd finally caught its prey and wouldn't be letting go anytime soon. The others had noticed this, too, but they couldn't knock his block off in fear of hitting Lucas. ...Something told Ness he knew that, too.

"Mmmm..." he smiled, rubbing his hands up and down her sides. "Oh yeah. Yeah, we can work with this..."

"Um, work with what?" asked a confused Lucas.

"Nothing." He picked her up bridal style, still smiling. "But someone as gorgeous as you shouldn't have to walk. So I'll carry you over, okay?"

"Ah!" Startled, she squealed, automatically grabbing Red's neck in the process. "Oh, uh... thank you?"

"Sure thing. Anything was someone as gorgeous as you."

At this point, there was no denying her other suitors were more than pissed, Ness being one of them. In the blink of an eye, they'd gone from teeming with excitement to teeming with anger. The very second Red put Lucas in a chair, Kirby kicked him in the head, knocking him over.

As he feel face-first onto the table, everyone else's calm, passionate attitude returned, Lucas being more than a little confused. Red quickly recovered and took to punching Popo in the gut, not knowing Kirby was the culprit. A small skirmish between the two broke out as Kirby and Toon Link continued taking in Lucas' everlasting beauty. Ness decided this was a time as ever to make him known, not that anyone other than Lucas cared, anyway.

He counted the chairs. Right in the middle was Lucas, like some sort of queen, as everyone else was on either side. On her right was Kirby and Toon Link, Popo and Red scuffling on her left, almost completely smothering her and leaving more than 80% of the table in no-man's-land. This was nice and all, but was he gonna sit? ...Oh, wait. So _he_ was supposed to sit in no-man's-land? Ha ha, no.

Seeing him leave, the Idiot Brigade suddenly realized he was present, much to their dismay. They narrowed their eyes, scowling as he fetched a chair from an empty table. The nerve! Who did that guy think he was, trying to include himself in on the goods?! They sat at a table with _five_ chairs for a reason! He even had the nerve to try to waltz back by the others and place it next to Lucas! They may've been fighting against each other for her affection, but they weren't about to let someone as unworthy as Ness try to move in on her, too. Therefore, his action was deemed as a big no-no.

Before he could sit down, a nearby Popo dropped his hammer in said seat.

"Oh, whoops. Sorry about that, Ness," he smirked deviously. "Gotta put my hammer down somewhere, right?"

Guessing it was his stupidity at work, Ness smacked his lips and went to get another chair. No sooner had he returned, Toon Link put his sword in it.

"What?" he asked in response to Ness' glare. "I can't carry this thing around all day..."

Ness may've not been the sharpest tool in the shed, but even he knew something was up at this point. He decided to try one more time with another chair. Sure enough, Red flicked a Poké Ball onto the floor and out popped Squirtle into the seat.

"Oh, shoot!" he said, feigning disappointment. "Look what happened by total accident! Squirtle, how many times have I told you not to show up unannounced like that?"

("But didn't you—") He rubbed his head in confusion as Red quickly sliced a finger over his throat, telling him to zip it. ("I mean... Sorry?")

Apparently, Kirby had been keeping Lucas busy with some sort of nonsensical and obviously humorous conversation, but it wasn't long before the other psychic's constant roaming caught her attention. "Ness, what're you doing? Take a seat."

"I don't think I can..." He eyed Red. "Seems to be a shortage of chairs..."

"Oh. Well..." She pointed to an empty, chair-filled table behind them. "There's some over there. Why don't you get one of those?"

"...I think I will," he replied, not taking his eyes off Red as he did.

The Idiot Brigade sat annoyed and helpless as he retrieved his fourth chair, going over to sit in a small space between the blonde and the ball. Lucas seemed particularly happy about this until Kirby stepped in, quickly scooting his chair so he was right next to her.

"Sorry, Ness! No room here! Why don't go sit over next to Squirtle?"

Lucas frowned. "What is this, Musical Chairs? Kirby, move back where you were, Popo, get your hammer, Toon Link, put your sword away, Red, take these chairs back, and Ness, please sit down."

It was amazing and pathetic how swiftly and quickly Lucas' orders were taken out. No one said a word, raised a finger, nothing. Although, Ness was shot with a few death glares, but that was anticipated.

"Now," she cooed, smiling, "can you guys be good for us and stay this way while we go get our food?"

Everyone glowered. ...Did she say "us" and... "we"? "Us" as in her and Ness, and "we" as in her and Ness and nobody else?

Ness could tell they weren't too fond of that term by the evil eyes they were giving him. He would've said something about it to Lucas, but she was already in the process of heading toward the lunch line. Her exit triggered a chain of the Idiot Brigade standing up in their chairs, which triggered Ness to turn and sprint off with her.

"Uh, Lucas? Can I ask you something?" He tugged on her shirt, looking back to make sure the Idiot Brigade wasn't following. Indeed, they weren't, but their dark, daunting looks were.

"Yes, Ness?" she chirped, getting her food. She was completely oblivious.

"Is it me, or do the guys seem a little... testy?"

"I'm pretty sure it's you. They're probably just a little sore from that fight they had. It was pretty brutal, and after Squirtle attacked you, I did kind of blow them all off."

Lucas was surely kidding herself. As far as they were concerned, her blowing them off was an invitation to try her patience more. Despite this, he still did want something to eat, so he proceeded to grab a tray and follow her.

She got a pretty decent meal, it consisting of a cheeseburger, some fries, ramen noodles, and a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Its size was ridiculous, but she was a chick, so it was pardoned. Ness wasn't really paying attention, so he somehow ended up getting a meal entirely consisting of things that looked particularly lewd. Now maybe it was him or maybe it wasn't, but the odds were insanely uncanny. Some corn dogs, burritos, meatballs, spaghetti, and a banana someone accidentally knocked onto his tray. It was probably DK, the big oaf. He and Olimar were next in line, anyway.

Finished getting her grub, Lucas swiftly left, Ness following her like a paranoid dork. As if this were an opportune moment to ask, she questioned, "Hey Ness, do you think anyone's noticed yet?"

"What?"

"My clothes," she flatly answered.

"Oh. Uh... those guys noticed, right?"

She looked disappointed. "Well yeah, but I was expecting that. I want who I don't usually hang around with to say something nice..."

Fortunately, Lucas got her wish as Mario intercepted them, riding on Yoshi for some reason. "Hey Lucas. I saw you come in, and I knew there was something different about you. Now I can see you've got a new style going for you! By the girls, no doubt?"

She gushed. "Oh! Well, yeah. I guess you could say they gave me the special treatment..."

"I'm sure they did, what with them being so nitpicky over everything." His face paled. "But don't tell them I said that..."

His steed sniffed her, then reared back in surprise. ("Woah, Lucas! Your shirt's so pretty! It's seriously making me hungry, too! Does it taste as good as it looks?")

"I don't think so..."

Yoshi must've been joking, because he and Mario found that response hilarious. Regardless, the duo went on their way. Lucas practically exploded.

"Ness, Ness! Did you see?! They noticed, and they liked it!" she squealed, shaking him like a rag doll with one hand, the other currently holding her tray of food.

"Uh, yeah. Wonderful. Great..." he muttered, trying not to let her shake off his dinner.

"Well, check you out," said Link, approaching with Marth. Reaching the two, he elbowed him. "It's about time for her to spruce up her looks a bit, huh? Little lovely lady's gotta look her best."

That sounded more sarcastic than he meant it to, Ness presumed.

"I suppose she does look quite scintillating," answered the other swordsman. "A rose among tulips, perhaps?"

That analogy went straight over Link's head, but a lot of stuff did, so it didn't matter. "...Yeah, that's exactly what I meant."

The two left, but Ike was never far behind, so he ran into them next. He lifted his head in approval. "Hey. Lookin' sharp. Earrings're a nice touch, too. Must've been hell to get 'em."

Ness was barely able to get a word in edgewise when Fox strolled by. "Oh, Lucas. I didn't recognize you for a moment. Thought you were a new recruit. Nice new threads you got there. We're in a bit of an originality drought here, so thanks for bringing something new to the table."

At this, Ness was starting to get a little jealous. He was willing to bet half these jokers were lying...

_Oh, give me a break. You already had your turn in telling her how she looked... And you did a pretty crappy job in it._

So? He just didn't want even more people to start ogling Lucas. The Idiot Brigade was more than enough, and Lucas flaunting her new looks would surely alert the rest of the house as to how attractive and easy she was.

_Big deal. If that happens, you'd better grow some balls and do something about it._

No, he was gonna do himself one better and nip this crap in the bud. He scowled as a blue blur appeared on the scene.

"Ooh, Lucas!" called Sonic, running over. "Listen, I'm glad I caught you. I—"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it! Nice shirt, you look good, whatever!" snapped Ness, yanking Lucas away.

The hedgehog frowned. "Actually, I was gonna ask if we were out of nacho cheese."

Once they got to an empty table, Lucas glanced at Ness, intrigued by his sudden temper. "Sheesh, Ness. What was that all about?"

"What?" he crossly asked, taking out his jealously by stabbing his meatballs to death. "We could stand there all night and let everyone go on and about it, and the food's getting cold, and I'm tired, and I just wanna eat, okay?!"

"But Sonic was about to give me a compliment..." she whined.

"You already got about five," he snorted. "Isn't that good enough?"

"Well... I guess so, but... It wouldn't hurt to hear more feedback."

Yeah, it would. If he had anything to say about it.

Lucas noticed his snide expression and titled her head. "...Why? That's not a problem with you... Is it?"

"Oh, no." He lied, stirring his fork in what remained of his meatballs. "Not a problem with me. Not at all. This doesn't bother me in the least. And if you think it does, then you're surely mistaken, because it doesn't."

"Then why're you acting so defensive and frantic?" Intrigued, she admired him closer until a smile spread across her face. Ness tried not to look so shocked at this, but he couldn't help but flinch a little.

"...Are you...? Are you... jealous?" She grinned at the last word.

He turned his nose up. "No!"

"I think you are..."

"Well, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not!"

"So why're you yelling?"

Realizing this, he sank in his seat. "I wasn't yelling; I was making a point..."

"That you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous! Why should I be?"

"I dunno." She shrugged apathetically. "You're the one who's jealous."

There must've been a concrete rule somewhere that a woman's main purpose in life was to drive men absolutely insane. Ness made a perfect example of this by narrowing his eyes and continuing to stab his meatballs to death, just to ignore her. This must've tickled her fancy, as she proceeded to laugh at it.

It must've looked pretty weird to see her laughing at Ness going homicidal on meat that was already dead. And it must've been weird enough, because it soon attracted the attention of the Idiot Brigade, who'd just realized Lucas'd inadvertently duped them. And if that wasn't the case, then it was all Ness' fault. It was always his fault.

Red started things off on the wrong foot by adjusting his collar. "...Ahem, well... I meant to say this earlier, so..." He sampled the shirt between his fingers, smiling. "Yellow and pink, huh? That's the perfect color for someone as sweet as you..."

"You look great in those! Even better than before!" said Popo. "And here I thought that was impossible!"

"Oh, wow!" giggled Kirby, hanging onto her. "Half your shirt's my favorite color! I just noticed that! We must have a real thing going together."

"To be honest, I've always kinda liked pink..." She smiled. "I just never really told anyone..."

"Wow, our favorite colors are even the same! We must really be in-sync with each oth—" Kirby suddenly stopped and looked horrified as something caught his eye. "Luh-Luh-Lucas!"

"Huh?!"

"Y-your neck! T-there's something on your neck!"

She looked down in horror, a hand clamping onto it. "W-what?! W-where?! What is it?!"

The puffball gently removed her hand, gasping. "Oh no! A rash! There's a really bad rash on your neck!"

"Uh..." She blushed and looked to Ness for help, but he simply ignored her and continued eating. In his defense, he didn't mean to make that, uh, "rash" so noticeable during their pseudo-make out session the others interrupted earlier.

"What?!" Popo fumed. "A rash?!"

"Who did that to you?! Did someone hurt you?!" demanded Red.

"I bet it was Ness! He beat her within an inch of her life, remember?!" added Toon Link.

With the other psychic on their minds, everyone immediately set their sights on him. Ness didn't even have time to react before Red grabbed his collar and hoisted him up like a piñata, Popo readying his hammer, Toon Link unsheathing his sword, and Kirby getting his Final Cutter blade ready. They were more than ready to knock the candy outta his ass.

"All right, start talking!" spat Red. "What'd you do to Lucas?!"

"No, no, no, stop!" demanded Lucas. "Leave him alone! He didn't do anything!"

"But Lucas, didn't you see how he treated you in that fight?" asked Toon Link.

"It was horrible! He would've killed you if time didn't run out!" agreed Kirby.

"But it was a fight; he was supposed to hurt me! And time didn't run out, it was Sudden Death! One of us had to lose!" She frowned. "Did you even watch the fight?"

"Well, why couldn't it've been him?!" whined Popo.

"And besides, you never know!" continued Kirby. "We have to treat you with care, Lucas! You're a—"

She sighed, laying her head on an arm. "Lemme guess, because I'm a girl, right?"

"Yeah!" He grinned at the others. "See how well we click?! She read my mind! Almost like she was psychic, or something!"

Toon Link scoffed. "Kirby, she _is_ psychic."

That went straight over the puffball's head. "You're just jealous!"

Lucas groaned at the nonsense. "You know, I'm really starting to think you guys're becoming pretty sexist towards me."

Popo perked up. "Ooh! Is that good?"

She frowned. "No, that's bad, Popo. Very, very bad."

"But it has the word 'sex' in it, so it can't be that bad."

Red and Toon Link body slammed him from each side to shut his mouth, seeing Lucas wasn't impressed by his response. The scuffle quickly escalated as Popo hammered Toon Link into Kirby, who was busy swooning over Lucas again. One thing led to another and it wasn't long before they were squabbling and scraping over their femme fatale once more.

As the fight continued, Lucas sighed, finally having enough of their nonsense. Gathering her food, she stood and motioned for Ness to follow her. More than happy to oblige, he gathered his mess of a meal and obeyed. The two went to a table on the other side of the room and couldn't be happier eating and conversing on their own accord.

The fight of the Idiot Brigade finally came to an end, Red kicking Kirby in the butt as a final "screw you" to them all.

Dusting his hands off, he smiled. "Now that that's done, I—"

The trainer was stumped to see not only was Lucas missing, but her undesirable equal was gone, too. Also seeing this, the others joined him in looking around for their lady, shocked to see Ness had stolen her away all for himself.

Not liking this one bit, they were about to stomp over there and show Ness various close ups of their fists and feet when someone loudly cleared their throat. They turned to see a cross Ganondorf holding a mop.

"Where do you punks think you're going?"

"Off to kill Ness, why?" stupidly answered Popo, getting a fist to the head from Red.

"Not until you clean up this mess," he responded, pointing to dirty table, food on the floor, and overturned chairs.

"Isn't this your week to be janitor? Why aren't you doing it?" scoffed Red.

He smirked. "Why clean messes when you can threaten others to do it for you?"

"Oh, yeah?" challenged Kirby. "Well, what if we don't wanna?"

Ness wasn't paying a bit of attention to the Idiot Brigade, but they must've done something pretty gnarly to send all of them flying across the lunchroom and into a wall.

* * *

Now that madness known as dinner was over, Ness was more than ready to get a good night's sleep. Considering the insanity of last night and today, he was tuckered out. On the contrary, Lucas didn't seem that sleepy, which automatically made him suspicious.

"Hey, Ness," she said, closing the door as they entered the room. "You know curfew's coming up."

"So?" he sighed, flopping onto his bed.

"Remember what Popo said earlier?"

"Who cares?"

"I do, especially when he said you and I have plenty of time to spend together after curfew."

"Yeah, when we go to—" Oh, _that_. Geez, was she desperate.

"Yeah." She timidly sat with him, suddenly looking indifferent. "But hey, you know what? We don't have to if you don't want to. I know how tired you must be from that fight earlier."

"I'm not," he defended. "I could go for another round if I had to."

"Oh. Well then, I guess maybe you're... not up to it."

What was that supposed to me—? He sneered. Oh, no. No, Lucas. We're not doing that again. No. He was stronger than that. No.

"Can't get it up and going right now, huh?" Getting up, she went to fetch some PJs from their bureau.

He tried not to twitch at that.

"I guess that little accident on the pillow was just you getting lucky. I understand some people got it, while others don't, apparently."

What?!

Smiling, she returned to give him a girly hug. "But I still really like you... even if it is a little hard to get things down south started."

_**What?!**_

_Don't do it, man. You'll regret it later, I'm telling you._

She left and retreated to the bathroom. "Don't worry, I understand. I won't hold it against you or anything if that's what you're worried about."

All right, that's it.

_Aw, don't do anything rash. Remember, she's not a guy anymore. You can't punch her in the face outside of battle and have everyone approve of it, okay?_

...Fine, but he'd still give her a piece of his mind.

Ness followed her into bathroom, just as she was ready to get undressed. She frowned. "Well, that's rude of you, walking in on me like that. Privacy, much?"

"Lucas, why're you doing this to me?"

"Doing what?"

"You want me to want what you do, so you're trying to coax me into it by taunting me. But you know what? I'm not gonna fall for it anymore. Unlike you, I still have some dignity."

Bad choice of words, as that infuriated her. "Like you're one to talk about dignity, Mr. Pillow Violator!"

"You said you found it flattering!"

She turned to mess with her hair in the mirror, voice suddenly flat. "Ness, it's called flirting, okay? You don't have to be so defensive all the time, so feel free to lighten up every once in a while. Is it so bad that I like to mess around with you a little sometimes?"

"When it makes me feel like an ass, yes. Yes, it does."

She frowned. "Well, excuse me for not being able to shake the feeling you don't feel the same way I feel about you!"

He wasn't sure how to respond, not being that much of a romantic. He was probably 89% certain he did feel the same way, but how was he supposed to say that without completely making a fool out of himself?

Still in the mirror, Lucas now looked disappointed. "...So, you don't feel the same way about me then?"

"Don't be like that."

"Then how exactly do you feel about me?"

Oh, so that was the game, huh? Making him look like the bad guy because he wasn't exactly skilled at pleasing women through words? Well, then...

"That's what I was gonna ask you," he said, lying for, like, the 29th time that week.

Wrong move, as Lucas merely exited the bathroom. "Ness, I told you last night. Remember?"

His memory failed him of any words exchanged last night, as he only remembered that all was fair in love and war, especially since war had become love in the process. ...Or maybe love became war? No, they fought first... Then again, he started it with that kiss, and... Great, now he was confused.

Lucas had a feeling the next words out of his mouth would be something along the lines of, "I don't know", so she decided to stop him right there with the most damning question ever.

"Ness, do you love me?"

Upon following her back into the room, he cringed as he reached his bed. He was hoping she'd never ask that, but girls were natural romantics, so of course she would.

Why did guys have to say sappy stuff like that? Girls were the ones who're declared love all the time! Even if it was the right thing to do, it was lame and unmanly as all hell. Like vegetables; they were naturally good for you, but were they the most popular food in the world? No! They were anything but!

"I already said I loved you," she said coyly, sitting on his bed and nibbling on a finger like she was suddenly embarrassed over the matter. "Can't be too hard for you to say it, too... right?"

It wasn't that Ness couldn't say it; he just didn't want to officially prove once and for all how pathetic he could be when pressured. Lucas knew damn well his attitude towards this sort of thing. Why couldn't she let sleeping dogs lie?

"It's not that hard," she went on. "I just can't take you seriously until I can hear you say it and mean it."

Ness sighed. Of course. Girls always wanted to _hear_ stuff; apparently, making out with them wasn't enough to prove your admiration. Geez, they were needy.

"Well?" eagerly inquired Lucas, refusing to let him get off so easily.

At wit's end, he turned away and scratched his head, shuffling and mumbling something.

Lucas perked up. "What?"

Ness' face contorted as if he'd been stricken with a pole and he said it again, louder this time. Despite this, it was still unintelligible.

The blonde shook her head, leaning in to hear him better. "...I didn't get that. What?"

"_I said I love you, too, okay?!"_ he finally spat, only looking at her long enough to say it. He then crossed his arms and went back to looking away, trying to hide the huge blush coming up as a result. "...So can we drop this now...?"

"Yes," she replied, sounding sickeningly pleased.

He wouldn't even look at her now, eyes glued to the nearby nightstand between their beds. How ironic that was where Lucas fell a little over three months ago, starting this whole shenanigan. His gaze would occasionally dart to see the blonde's expression, but would quickly go back to staring at the nightstand again once they saw she was still smiling. It was a long shot, but he really hoped she didn't notice how hard he was blushing.

"...Come here," she finally said, holding her arms out. Yeah, she definitely must've seen how red he was.

He shuddered at the way she said that. All sad and sorry with her lips puckered, like she was showing pity for a 3-year-old on the verge of crying. Regardless, he somehow found himself walking over, staring at the floor in an equal show of pity.

Thus, she embraced him, regarding him for a moment until she sighed.

"Is my flirting really bugging you that much?" she asked, almost reading his mind.

"You could stand let up a little..." he muttered, pouting slightly. "I'd like not to feel like total crap every once in a while."

She smiled. "Okay. I'll try a softer approach next time... If that'll really make you come around faster."

With that, she began kneading his head with her chin. Ness automatically felt himself go slack against her, feeling dreamily content. Oh no, not again.

_She's trying to lull you into a false sense of security! Don't fall for it! You already made your negotiations, now get outta there!_

He... he couldn't! Of all things he'd had to fight, not once did he ever think his biggest weakness was seduction! Seriously, what were the odds?! And how could he put up a fight to this?!

_Oh, for crying out loud! Don't let her think pouring on the charm's gonna make you weak in the knees!_

But it dooooooooooooooes...! How could he say no to this? Denying something this sweet had to be... a crime! His will was strong, but his body oh-so-weak. It was deplorable.

_No! Not again! You're not that pathetic! Just think about Wario's junk in your face and we can walk away from this right now..._

He was trying, but it wasn't working! Thinking about Wario's junk made him think about Wario, who made him think of Lucas, and thinking about Lucas brought _her_ junk to mind! And that pretty much overrode everything else.

_Well, that's it then. I tried. Game over, close up shop, and stick a fork in you because you are done._

As he sank to his knees to bury his face in Lucas' shirt, he came to the realization he couldn't have cared less. All that mattered now was this stupid shirt... It was... It was obstructing him from... her. He didn't wanna look at its girlishly annoying yellow and pink pattern anymore. He just wanted... her. He lazily, yet eagerly pulled on the back of it, suddenly unable to comprehend how to properly remove it.

He continued hopelessly tugging on her shirt until Lucas relieved him of the fabric by removing it herself. This left him to nestle against the smooth peach skin it revealed; a big improvement, if he said so himself. She hissed slightly at the heat of his breathing against her skin, which proceeded in making him tense up in excitement. To further entice his quarry, he snaked his arms around Lucas' waist and proceeded to torment her with some hot, wet kisses to the stomach, which was nice and doughy from dinner. This made her hiss and grit her teeth, sighing out a shaky moan. Ness smiled inwardly at this. He kinda liked seeing her get tortured sometimes.

He never realized how soft and inviting her skin was, probably because the first time he came across it, he was feeling a little... sick in the head. But that was all water under the bridge now, mostly from Lucas removing his hat and playing with his shirt. It wasn't long before she was able to lift it off and toss it to the floor.

He continued fiddling around with her, eventually coming to that thing girls wore all the time on their knockers. What was it called again? ...A bazaar? He didn't know, but off it went anyway. He didn't even know why she wore it. Lucas clearly had a ways to go before she filled them out and then... Whatever. He didn't care, she didn't care, nobody cared.

He decided to up the ante a little by advancing on her to even out their height difference. And Lucas continued the trend by laying herself on the bed and looking as susceptible as all hell. This was gonna be fun.

* * *

"You know what? I think there's something fishy going on here!" spouted a wary Kirby as he and the Idiot Brigade ascended the stairs from dinner.

"Gee, how long did that take you?" sarcastically replied Toon Link.

"Hey guys," greeted Pit, fluttering up from nowhere, smirking. "Guess Ganondorf served you your just desserts, huh? Ha!"

"Shut up, Pit," growled Red.

"Yeah, why don't you make like a bird and scram?" spat Popo.

Toon Link shook his head. "Popo, that doesn't make any sense."

"Oh, come off it, guys. Don't get mad at me just 'cuz you're not exactly hitting it off with Lucas. If anything, I'd be keeping an eye on that Ness. He's gotta be up to no good!"

"We know that, birdbrain, but the only question is how," mused Red. "How could he possibly get with Lucas when she's got choices like us?"

"Yeah! And why's she always siding with him, anyway?" added Popo. His face darkened. "Y'know, I don't think I've ever seen her get mad or annoyed at Ness. It's always at something we do!"

"Maybe we're just trying too hard," proposed Kirby.

"No, that can't be it. We're too good for ourselves," said Popo. "Maybe Ness hypnotized her!"

"That's stupid," sneered Pit.

"Who asked you, anyway?" retorted Toon Link.

"No one, but I've officially seen more of Lucas than any of you, so I know better than any of you, too!" he boasted.

The angel wasn't able to boast long before Charizard knocked him to the floor with a mighty punch.

Red frowned. "I think you should be going now."

"Fine, then." He stood, brushing himself off. "I have better things to do, anyway."

"Like what?"

Pit was about to answer with absolutely nothing when he was suddenly interrupted by a distant moan.

Popo put his hands on his hips. "Oh, ha ha, Pit, very funny. You trying to distract us from you by making that noise in that room down there isn't gonna work!"

He frowned. "That's not me, you idiot! It's someone down the hall."

Kirby grimaced. "Ooh... um, maybe we should go somewhere else now... Whoever that is, she must be pretty busy in the toilet or something..."

Toon Link was about to agree when he remembered something. "She? Wait a minute. Isn't Samus the only girl who rooms up here?"

"Yeah, so?" asked Red.

"Red, she was still downstairs eating with Peach and Zelda last time I saw her."

He shrugged. "I really don't see where you're going with this."

He rolled his eyes. "If she's not here, then that can't be her, so it must be someone else."

"Maybe it's not a girl," suggested Pit.

"If it wasn't a girl, then it'd be you," snorted the trainer, making him glare.

"Whoever said it wasn't?" asked Popo, causing everyone to stare at him.

Kirby frowned sadly and pulled on Toon Link's tunic. "TL, you said Samus was the only girl up here, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, that can't be true. She's the only girl with her own room, but Lucas is up here, too, and she's a girl."

"..."

"Wait!" gasped Red. "So that noise is Lucas?!"

"I knew it!" added Popo.

"_Oh no!"_ Red darted down the hall as if his pants were on fire. _"Lucas! Lucas! Oh, don't worry, Lucas! I'm coming, I'm coming! I'll save you!"_

"No, I will!" declared Kirby, sprinting after him.

"I can do it better!" shouted Toon Link, following.

Popo ran, too. "I knew she was in trouble first, so it should be up to me!"

("Hey, wait for me! Red, you know you can't do anything yourself!") warned Charizard.

"You guys're insane!" shouted Pit, holding his arms out. "Even if it was Lucas, what're you dunderheads gonna do about it?"

("Oh, just shut up and come on,") growled Charizard, grabbing him and running after the rest.

Coming to the source of the noise, Red slammed the door open, ready for action. "Lucas, are you okay?! We heard y—"

He realized he was forced to stop. Catching up to him, the others were ready to object to this... Well, they would've if there was a reason to object, and that was towards what they saw.

It seemed the very thing Ness was talking about earlier had come back to bite him in the balls. Apparently, he was so caught up with Lucas, he forgot to lock the door, allowing Red and the others to bust in on the two occupants. This usually wouldn't have been a big deal, simply starting another pointless fight over Lucas' affection, but no. No, the one time they do decide to barge in, it's during the absolute worst moment ever.

It was gut-wrenchingly bad, the sight they saw upon the opening of the door. Had it been possible, their mouths would've all hit the floor. Well, Kirby's already did, but that was besides the point. And what was it they saw that was so bad? What did they see that was so awful, every single one of them felt more than happy to lose their dinner?

Oh, that was easy.

All six of them looked on in horror at the birds and the bees in motion, in high-definition and surround sound. It was so high maintenance and state-of the-art, they could've sworn they were actually watching Ness get it on with their beloved Lucas. Suddenly feeling the gaze of a thousand onlookers on him, Ness stopped in his tracks and greeted them with an equally shocked, but also slightly annoyed, expression. The looks on their faces were hilarious; it was like they were watching their parents have sex... with a sibling or cousin or something.

And just when Ness thought things couldn't get any worse, a very flushed Lucas popped up to meet the six gaping mouths at the door with one of the stupidest comments ever.

"Oh, hey guys... Listen, could you come back a little later? Me and Ness are kind of... busy."

_

* * *

**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Wow, Lucas' intelligence in this story is just staggering. _


	13. Speaking to the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes:** Woah, another quick update. Surprisingly, this chapter has a plot twist in it, too, but it won't be important until later. _

_

* * *

_

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 13:** Speaking to the Undeniable_

* * *

Seeing he was already caught, Ness was surprised to see how long it was taking to register with the other guys. What was this, an oil painting? Even Lucas was getting a little confused as to the six wide-eyed spectators at the door. He wasn't even sure if there were breathing anymore. Wouldn't it have hilarious if the shock was enough to send them into a state of upright rigor mortis?

Looking back to her, Ness could almost see the wheels turning in her head, trying to register the situation. Finally, she came to the realization that them seeing this was bad. Very bad.

"Ah!" she snapped up and covered herself with the sheet. "Guys, before you say anything, it's not—"

Unfortunately, the second she said this, the Idiot Brigade flew into a rage. Charizard and Pit were still stupefied.

_**"YOU BASTARD!"**_ roared Red, charging toward the two.

Lucas managed to scramble up and away as the trainer, as well as the rest of the Idiot Brigade, dogpiled on top of poor, naked Ness. Saying the ensuing scramble was madness would be an understatement. Never had he had such a violent tussle be so up close and personal. There was so much going on, Ness wasn't able to fight back, even he did have an idea as to what was going on.

He changed his mind; that tussle against Lucas last night was nothing compared to this. At least with her, he knew who he was fighting. Here, it was like swatting air, while everyone else hit him dead-on. There was punching, kicking, scratching, hair-pulling... someone even bit him and drew blood! Even though this was a fighting tourney, making someone bleed was a serious offense, especially if it was over something this stupid. He would've made a note to report it if he knew who it was... and survived.

After what seemed like ages of constantly dealing with a myriad of the Idiot Brigade's various body parts, angry scowls, barking, and rampaging amid the scuffle, Ness managed to pull out and run like there was no tomorrow, knocking the still-staring Charizard and Pit outta the way. Seeing him dart out completely naked would probably keep them looking like that even longer.

_**"THERE HE GOES!"**_ shouted Kirby.

_**"AFTER HIM!"**_ called Toon Link.

The Idiot Brigade scrambled out of the door, running after him at the twice the speed they fought in battle. Sheesh, talk about a driving factor. Because of this, he had to run at twice the speed, too. Unfortunately, even running this fast didn't nullify the fact that he was still in his birthday suit to all who saw him whiz past. Case in point, Bowser looked on in horror at the scene unfolding.

"...What the hell?"

Ness was only trying to escape Lucas' manic suitors, but in his effort, he could've sworn he ran by every single resident in the house. It was like every few seconds, he darted by someone who was either appalled, confused, doubled over with laughter, figured they were hallucinating, or thought it was too crazy and messed up to even bat an eye at. The only person he ran across who approved of his nudity was Captain Falcon, who cheered him on with two thumbs up and an idiotic, "GO, MAN, GO!"

The chase continued even out onto the front lawn, Ness still running for his life. It was a good thing Red was too stupid to remember he could've easily sent Ivysaur and Squirtle after his ass. Away from the house he ran, out into the open, and eventually into the forested area that wasn't far from it. At this point, Ness was starting to tire out. He was surprised he was able to go this long before exhaustion hit him. Then again, the fear of having his manhood ripped off was enough to keep him going for a good two miles, or however long he ran.

But finally, he was able to run no more and, desperate for escape, scrambled up a tree to elude his chasers. He scurried up to the upmost branch, hoping the foliage would help in concealing him. Not shockingly, it worked and the Idiot Brigade ran by, still screaming at him to stop running, as well as other very unkind and scary threats. Relieved, he sighed, wiping sweat from his brow.

He sat there for a good five minutes, listening out for the dopes in the forest. Going too far in there was ill-advised, especially at night, so he was kinda hoping they'd get lost. Unfortunately, they soon returned from the depths of the brush, disappointed and seething from losing their prey. As he watched them fume and walk back to the house, Ness decided right then and there even trying to go back meant certain death for a certain twig and its berries. And he wasn't talking about the tree...

Well, this certainly was something he never thought he'd do; sleep naked in a tree after being chased away by some angry suitors. But he wasn't about to try and go back to the house just yet. Even if he didn't run into the Idiot Brigade on the way, he'd have a lot of explaining to do to whoever opened the front door for him.

And Lucas. Oh, poor Lucas. He pitied her even more. With the secret out and him gone, she'd be bombarded with questions and possibly ganged up on. Then again, she was a tough little broad. Hopefully, she could handle them better than he did. Yeah, nakedly running away from angry boyfriends wasn't exactly up there on the bravery list. But there was nothing else that could be done at this point... without him getting brutally neutered, anyway. He was too tired from the day, the sex, and the running to really care at this point. Sleeping naked in a tree like a loon wasn't looking that bad anymore.

...But why, oh why, did it have to be so damn cold?

* * *

The next morning couldn't come soon enough. Getting to sleep was a living nightmare, and actually sleeping was even worse. Several nightmares came to him that night, but he couldn't remember anything about them. All he knew was each one had something to do with chainsaws, hot dogs, and flaming kitchen tables.

"Ness!"

The most memorable one was Popo asking him something about what he wanted to eat. Ness responded with something that was inedible, causing Popo to pull out a chainsaw and rev it up, the dream coming to an end just as he smacked him with it. The others in question only had the chainsaw and those other items come to mind when he tried to fully recall them.

"Ness!"

It was so vague and disoriented, he was starting to think the last three months had been a dream. That Lucas wasn't a girl, there was no Idiot Brigade to swoon over her, Pit had an unexplained vendetta on someone else, and he hadn't bumped uglies with her one-and-a-half times. Yeah, once-and-a-half times. He'd barely gotten started on their more recent encounter, which really sucked, since he was too psychotic to remember much about the first time.

"Ness!"

Maybe this was a dream, and he'd been hurled down several flights of stairs by Wario or some other demented baddie, causing him to go into a horrible 10-year coma. Hey, it could happen.

"Ness!"

Irritated, the Smasher in question squinted groggy eyes to the sound of someone calling his name. It was so incessant and annoying, he wish they'd just shut up and let him sleep in agony. It was now he came to the horrible realization that not only did he feel like a big load of crap mentally, but physically as well. His entire body was already sore from his 100-yard dash last night and sleeping on a thick, scratchy branch in the nude in 45 degree weather didn't help soothe the pain.

"Ness!"

The voice continued calling him, adding to his frustration. Rising from the branch, he shivered, the weather still insanely cold for the time of day. From where he was laying, the sun's rays could be seen over the horizon, the ground below covered with a mist that stretched as long as the eye could see.

He wasn't much of a morning person, but he probably would've deemed it as pretty if he wasn't in such a bad mood.

_**"Ness!"**_

Before he could come to his senses, Ness accidentally let go of the branch he was on, plummeting to the ground. Startled, he jumped up, ready to run again when noticed it was only Lucas. She had on a housecoat and looked so perfect and pretty, as if she'd just woken up from the greatest sleep in world. He, on the other hand, was looking more like the missing link. Aside from being naked, he was riddled with bark shavings, dirt, leaves, bites and scratch marks. Not that he really cared, but he must've looked hideous.

She smiled uncertainly. "Please don't tell me you spent all night up there."

"I really wish I could," he sniffled, voice sore and raspy.

"Aw, poor thing," she responded, feeling his forehead. "You're burning up... You must have a cold!"

Thank you, Ms. Obvious. He snorted and coughed, nose stopped up with snot, shivering and rubbing his arms in an attempt to keep warm. Seeing this, Lucas unraveled an arm to produce another housecoat, the one he had on last night.

"Here. I had a feeling you'd need this." She tried not to laugh. "I mean, I spent about an hour looking for you in the house because I thought you'd have enough sense to come back in, but..."

Seeing him scowl, she placated him by draping it over his head. Getting warm suddenly became more of a factor.

"Come on. Let's go before we both get in trouble."

She was sorta right, he thought as they made their way back to the house. Being up this early was okay, but being outside on the lawn or otherwise was strictly forbidden. He didn't know why, it just was.

* * *

Fortunately for them, only a few people were out and about in the mornings. Mario, Pikachu, Link, and Kirby roamed the halls at this hour to make sure nothing was suspicious or afoot before anyone else got up. After about an hour, they'd give the a-okay and the fights would start according to whoever was up first. Ness hadn't kept up with the schedule, but neither him or Lucas was planned to go this morning and that's all that mattered.

Getting in the front door quietly was always such a chore. The huge, grandiose entrance was as noisy as it was unnecessary. It was like the thing was trying to give them away as Lucas gritted her teeth at the loud "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK" it gave off upon its opening.

Ness wasn't paying attention, so he didn't catch the door as she let it go behind her. The stupid door's slam was almost deafening and echoed throughout the entire house, making both psychics shudder. That was it; Lucas couldn't take the stealth mission anymore and darted upstairs like a spooked cheetah. Her male counterpart wasn't as spry or up to snuff, so his running was more like an old, three-legged dog in comparison.

No sooner had they ascended, a confused Link was seen in the foyer, scratching his head in confusion of the door slamming. Lucas scurried to their room, Ness tripping and stumbling in as she slammed and locked it, leaning against it in apprehension. He looked at her crossly.

"Thanks for abandoning me back there," he sarcastically voiced. "I really like getting in trouble over stupid rules and regulations."

"Oh, be quiet," she retorted. "It's your fault you didn't catch the door."

That was true, but he refused to admit it, turning his head in a snuff. Instead of starting a possible argument, he slumped over to his bed and slowly crawled under the covers until he was nothing more than a bundled up lump underneath.

"...I was really lonely last night," he suddenly heard Lucas say. "That was the first time I've ever had to spend a night here without you."

If she was trying to placate him again by being all sensitive and stuff, now was not the time to do it.

"I didn't think you being gone would bother me that much, but I had hard time sleeping last night."

Sure did fool him, Ms. Perfect Sleeper.

"But I'm glad you're back and okay. I was starting to get worried I'd never find you."

...That's nice, but he really just wanted to go to sleep.

He then felt himself lifted from the covers and pulled into a crushing bear hug, gagging as a result.

"I'm really happy you're back with me again, Ness," cooed Lucas, being the culprit. "We connect on so many levels now, I feel like you're a part of me!"

Was she referring to the sex, because he kinda was in that way.

"Now that I've gotten that off my chest," she said, putting him down, "good night... or morning... something."

"Thank you. Can I go to sleep now?" he groaned.

She answered him with a kiss to the forehead. "Now you can."

Stupefied, he watched her return to her bed and promptly go to sleep. If the bone-chilling cold outside, woody sleeping arrangements, and nauseating influenza wasn't enough to put him to sleep, that kiss sure was. It'd been a hard day's night... or hard night's day from the looks of it. He quickly slinked back underneath the covers, hoping sleep would come before an arousal from the kiss did.

* * *

Later on, Ness opened his eyes to see sun's faded rays in the distance again. Sheesh, how long did he sleep? Five minutes? Sure didn't feel like it. He sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly, looking to see what it was. His sleepy expression dropped as the digital clock on the nightstand read 6:37pm. He'd been asleep the whole day.

Dammit, he hated it when that happened. Now he'd be up all night and his circadian rhythm was officially screwed. Well, whatever. He rubbed his eyes again. Might as well get cleaned up, as he still looked like he'd been taken right outta the jungle.

He was about to get up when the door opened, Lucas popping her head in and looking around. Seeing him awake, she perked up.

"So, you've finally decided to join the living?" she joked.

He turned his head, scoffing.

Coming in more and closing the door, she dropped two plates of food on her bed, one with lots of pancakes with syrup, scrambled eggs, and sausages, while the other contained macaroni and cheese, two cheeseburgers, and fries. The smell immediately drove away any hostility towards her.

"You missed both breakfast and lunch, you know. Luckily, Peach was nice enough to keep the plates I fixed for you safe."

That was nice, although he found it a little weird no one else in the house seemed curious as to his whereabouts for the day. Then again, if someone in the house inexplicably went missing, it probably wouldn't matter to anyone unless their absence brought about a problem. Assholes.

But whatever. Ness hungrily staggered out of bed and over to help himself to the delicious plates when Lucas stopped him with a firm hold to the head.

"Uh, uh, uh," she said, waggling her finger. "Before you eat, what do you say?"

"Thank you?" he guessed, shrugging. Soon afterwards, he had to do a double take at the raspiness of it.

She turned her head. "Huh?"

Figuring it was due to his fatigue, Ness cleared his throat and tried again. "...I said... thank you?"

Both scowled at each other from that disgusting display of gratitude. Not from him saying it, but from it being said. It was so horrible, that wretched noise scraping out of his neck to become his voice. He was surprised a window didn't break. It sounded like a thousand cats clawing a chalkboard while being shot with rocket launcher.

Horrified, Lucas just had to ask, "Ness, what's wrong with your voice? It's all cracky and bad and stuff."

To be honest, he didn't know. Sure, he was almost certain he had the flu, but was it bad enough as to where drowning puppies sounded more desirable?

"I think you need to go see Mario about that," suggested the blonde, withdrawing his food. "Sounds serious."

Suddenly irritated at being deprived of the meal, he spat, "Can't I at least eat first? I'm starving!"

Lucas shuddered, turning her head and twitching at the skidding tires that was his voice. "Uh, well... It'll be here when you get back..."

"Oh, come on! I'll go see him later! I swear I'll keel over if I don't get something in me!"

Lucas was practically convulsing after that. Oh, man. It was getting worse. Now it sounded like the brakes of a thousand school buses all squeaking at once. It's consistency in wavering up and down in tone made it that much worse. He talked like he was getting anally probed, for crying out loud.

"Okay, okay," whispered Lucas, face contorted in pain. "You can eat first, but after that, I want you to clean yourself up and so go see Mario. I'm not even joking..."

"Thank you," he sighed.

"Shhh..." she half-whispered, half-whined. "I'm sorry, but your voice is awful... Whisper, please..."

No, she didn't have to apologize. His voice was worse than life itself, he knew, but he'd deal with that after his painfully empty stomach was nice and full.

* * *

Ness yawned loudly, sitting on a cold, hard examination table in the infirmary. Lucas was right; he shouldn't have eaten before going there. A bad case of food coma had hit him, and hard. He felt like he could pass out at any moment. How could someone almost sleep the whole day away, wake up, eat, and feel like going back to sleep for almost another whole day? It was ridiculous.

At this point, Mario came back from wherever he went, clipboard in tow. "Well, Ness, after running some tests and considering your symptoms, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You've got influenza and a hint of laryngitis as a result. Nothing major."

"Translation...?" he sleepily muttered. Oh, yeah. And his voice had gotten worse, too. He was reduced to constantly swallowing and whispering now.

The plumber/doctor frowned. "You've got a cold and a sore throat, probably from your little... excursion last night."

Ness didn't know what that meant, but he scowled anyway. The way he said it was enough to prove it was frowned upon.

He scribbled some stuff down. "Now, of course, you'll have to be quarantined until it goes away. We don't want the rest of the house to get sick, so no fighting for you for three days."

Sweet.

"During that time, however, I'm going to prescribe you some pills to take to help it go away."

And that was not so sweet. Did Mario even know how big those things were? Ness had a better chance of dying than getting cured from eating one of those things.

Seeing his expression, he added, "Don't worry, they're easier to take than you think."

If he was gonna tell a bold-faced lie, at least try and make it a good one.

* * *

Lucas waited patiently outside the room, looking at up at the sound of a door opening. Ness exited the room with his big-ass jar of pills, Mario close behind. The doctor then simply removed his attire and became a plumber again right in front of their eyes, leaving like it was no big deal afterwards. Ness could've sworn he saw him look back one last time and shake his head at the two before resuming being Mr. Big Shot.

Lucas smiled. "So? How's everything? D'you get some treatment?"

"I guess you can say that..." he whispered.

"So why're you whispering?"

"...Mario said not to strain my voice," he cleared his throat, "because I have laryngitis..."

A look of horror crossed her face. "That's not an STD, is it?"

He scowled. "No..."

She sighed. "Oh, good. It's not contagious."

He groaned. "It's not a disease, it an ailment..."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No..."

She grinned. "How do you know?"

Ness wasn't gonna retort. Something told him his voice wouldn't be able to take it. He simply shook his head and left.

"Oh, the silent treatment, huh?" She crossed her arms and turned away, despite running up behind him. "Well, maybe I don't feel like talking, either, so there!"

"Lucas..." he wheezed, "do you even know what laryngitis is?"

"An STD?"

Agitated, he kneaded his brow. "No..."

"Oh. Well, you still haven't told me what's up with the all the whispering."

He tried to respond, but suddenly realized he had no voice to do so. Oh, great. Now he was a mute.

"Okay, seriously, Ness. The hacking and wheezing's got to stop. It's really starting to get irritating."

He shook his head angrily and pointed to his neck.

"What?"

Frustrated, he quickened his pace until the two were outta the infirmary and back in the house's main area. Finding a piece of paper and a pencil discarded on a table, he began furiously writing. Finished, he gave it to her.

She took the note. "'Laryngitis is when your voice is messed up real bad'," she read. "Oh, so that's what wrong with you!"

He made a "Finally!" face.

"Well, how long will it last? It's not permanent, is it? Or contagious?!"

Frowning, he wrote on the paper again and grudgingly gave it back.

"'Stop acting like it's contagious! It's just a sore throat, and I don't know when it'll be over. Mario said maybe a few days.' Okay, then. Guess we'll just have to talk this until then, huh?"

'Don't rub it in,' was his written response.

"Well, it is a little weird, don'tcha think? I mean, I feel like I'm talking to myself here."

'You sorta are.'

She smacked her lips at his indifferent stance as she finished reading. "Even when you can't talk, you think such a smartypants!"

'You said it, not me.'

She punched him in the arm. "Oh, yeah? Can you fight like this?"

'No. I have a quarentine on my head. No fights 'til it goes away.'

She raised an eyebrow. "You spelled 'quarantine' wrong."

'W/e.'

"But I thought you said it wasn't contagious."

'The laryngitis isn't, my cold is.'

"Oh, yeah. Well..." She shuffled. "I shouldn't be messing around you then, huh? I might get it, too."

'Doubt it. The cold's not that bad. Should blow over sooner than the laryngitis.'

"Good!" She rubbed his head briskly. "I don't have any fights until later tonight, so I can keep you company!"

'Orly now?'

"...I don't know what that means. Anyway, you know what we should do? Go out and stretch your legs a bit! You've been sleeping all day, and that can't be good for you. Whaddya say?"

He shook his head briskly, suddenly remembering the Idiot Brigade must've still been out for his blood.

"No, come on! It's been so lonely today without you! Please?"

He continued shaking his head as she began to drag him away. In a last-ditch attempt to persuade her otherwise, he scribbled something down and handed it to her.

"'Are you nuts?! Those losers'll cream me! Can't we just go back to our room and play video games, or something?'" She made a face. "Don't tell me you're actually afraid of them, Ness."

'After what they saw last night, why shouldn't I be?'

"So what if they caught us making out? It's not about them, it's about us, right?"

'That's why they want me dead.'

"Oh, come off it already. They're probably off brooding somewhere. They were a mess after they chased you away last night."

'Why?'

"Well, after they came back, they basically started crying, whining, and making a fuss over it. They were screaming stuff like, 'I knew it!' and 'How could this happen?!' and 'Why did it have to be you?!' and stuff."

He smirked. Awesome.

"They were part of the reason I couldn't sleep, too. After you ran off, they wouldn't leave me alone. They kept suggesting I go spend the night in their rooms in case you came back for 'seconds'. I was hoping you would come back, so I left the door unlocked for you, but they kept busting in and bugging me all night. Even after I did lock the door, it was like every five minutes, one or all of them would be pleading for me to open it."

'Seen any of them today?'

She rolled her eyes, sighing. "Like you wouldn't believe. The only time I can get away is—"

Before she could finish, a smiling Popo appeared. "Lucas! Hey, I'm glad I caught you! Listen, we're sorry about the food fight at lunch. Didn't mean to get you all dirty and messy."

Kirby also popped up. "Yeah, Red started it, and—" He immediately locked eyes with Ness, who blanched.

"YOU!" he growled, thrusting a nub at him. **_"YOU MONSTER!"_**

**_"HEY! WE FINALLY FOUND HIM!"_** Popo turned to call towards the distance. _**"GUYS, QUICK! COME HERE! WE FOUND NESS!"**_

The perpetrator didn't have time to move an inch before Toon Link, Red, Ivysaur, Squirtle, and Charizard crowded around him and Lucas. He noticed the flaming dragon wasn't looking particularly thrilled today, his gaze distant and bothered. He shuddered and gagged once he saw it was Ness again. At least he was wearing clothes this time, but still... Ness had a feeling he and Charizard could now relate to him and Pit in the horrors of seeing other people's junk.

"So, finally decided to come back for more?" questioned Toon Link, unsheathing his sword. "Well, that was your second dumbest mistake ever, the first one messing with Lucas! And we're gonna make sure that's the last thing you'll regret."

"Oh yeah, and then some," added Red, deviously smiling and cracking his knuckles. "And here, I thought we told you not mess around in our affairs. It's a shame you didn't listen. I guess we'll have to flat-out kill you now."

Talk about being a hypocrite. They all wanted to plow her, too, and they knew it. Well, maybe except Kirby, but he probably wanted Lucas inside him, or something. Had it been someone else in his place, nothing would've changed.

Smiling, Red nudged his largest pet. "Charizard, why don't you show Ness exactly how much this burns us up, huh?"

("If you say so,") he responded, opening his mouth and preparing to fire, literally.

Frowning, Lucas crossed her arms and stood in front of Ness. "I don't think so."

"Ack!" Seeing she was in the way, Red panicked and slammed Charizard's mouth shut, forcing him to tear up and swallow his flames. Smoke billowed out of his nose and mouth afterward.

"Lucas," said Toon Link, "do you mind moving, please? We don't want you to get caught up in what we're about to do to... him."

"No I won't, because you have no business in hurting him over doing something I consented to."

"Lucas, you can't be serious," said Popo. "Why're you standing up for him when he obviously hypnotized you into doing this?!"

"Ness didn't hypnotize me! Like I said, I consented."

"That's not the same thing?"

"No! Consenting means I allowed him to do what he did. I gave him permission and everything."

"But... why?" whined Kirby. "How could you let him do... that to you?"

"Well," she blushed a little, "because I feel connected to him. Like I can share a special... certain thing with him."

"But why can't you share that special something with one of us?" asked Red. "We're much more deserving of it than Ness is."

"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. How can I do that when I feel like I'm always being forced to? It's really hard to give you the proper time of day when you're constantly pining for it."

"You're not forced," assured Toon Link. "We just don't think Ness can give the proper respect and care someone as beautiful as you deserves."

She shrugged. "Well, beating up him to a bloody pulp because of something you assume is a little unfair, don'tcha think?"

"I still say Ness is behind all of this! She doesn't know what she's talking about!" Popo stepped forward. "Don't worry, Lucas, we'll save you! We mess up Ness but good, and then you'll be free of his hypnotic tricks forever!"

He was poised to attack, but Lucas quickly intercepted and sent him flying across the room. Sheik just happened to walk in, reading a newspaper when the Ice Climber plowed into her, sending them both into an unsuspecting Ike who was right behind. Lucas went back to crossing her arms, more than a little miffed now. Heh, she looked kinda hot when she was mad at other people.

Oh, that's real nice. He was about to be torn to shreds, and all he could focus on was how hot Lucas looked while throwing idiots across the room. It was wonderful, he loved his lack of concentration so much.

Seeing this, everyone backed off. Red, being the sly dog he was, smiled.

"Sorry for the trouble, Lucas. What kind of pals would we be if we didn't let you make your own choices?"

Hearing this, she fell for his tricks again and lightened up. "Not very good ones, I suppose."

"Yes, well..." He started inching away, the rest following suit. "Guess we'll be going now, huh?"

"Guess so."

"Yeah, sorry about the confusion," he went on. "And you're right, it's not fair that we wanna rip Ness a new one just 'cuz we're not exactly happy with what we saw the other night."

"Uh huh..."

"All we want is for you to be happy, and if that's with Ness, well, we're happy for you, too."

"Oh." She smiled. "Thank you."

"Besides, you're so pretty when you're happy. I mean, you're already beautiful, but that smile is just the icing on the cake."

She blushed. "Aw, stop... Really?"

"Of course. Why would I lie?"

More like 'Why would I tell the truth?' you loser.

"Come on, guys. Let's get outta here," he said with a grin, not taking his eyes off Lucas. "Dinner should be starting soon and we don't wanna be holding Lucas up, huh?"

Mirroring his fake grin, the others nodded.

"Anyway, I guess we'll see you there."

"All right. Bye." She simply waved them off. "And thanks again for understanding. You guys're real sweet."

"Aw, no. No one's sweeter than our Lucas. I think I speak for all of us when I say that."

At this point, Lucas was too distracted by Red's charming lies to notice everyone shoot glares at him. Red even added to insult by pointing a finger him, then slicing it across his neck, all while still smiling. Ness looked on in horror as they finally stop backing up and turned to leave, looking over their shoulders at him. Popo came to his senses and scrambled to catch up and do the same. After walking what seemed like the slowest walk in the world, the four disappeared by rounding a corner. Well, he'd officially been scarred for the day.

"That was easier than I thought," finally said Lucas. "Thought they'd take it harder than that."

Ness decided not to even argue over how wrong she was. Instead, he wrote down, 'Are you really going to dinner with them?'

"Ew, no. It's leftovers tonight, so I'm eating the lunch I got earlier. I need to go it from Peach before she leaves for dinner, though..."

'Good, 'cuz I'm not hungry.'

"You better not be. You just ate breakfast and lunch!"

She probably wanted him to get mad at that. Instead, he ignored it and wrote, 'Can we go back to our room now?'

"Can you give me a kiss for saving your sorry behind?" she happily asked.

He sighed. And just when he thought saving his sorry behind was a free service, too.

'I have a cold, remember?'

"On the cheek, then."

He facepalmed as she bent over for him to reach. Well, anything to keep him from gaining another enemy. He gave her a quick kiss, but she frowned.

"That was peck. I want a kiss."

Augh! He did it again, longer this time to cement her confidence in it. Luckily, it worked.

"Thank you," she cooed, taking his hand. "Now let's hurry to Peach's before we miss her. We'll go back to the room after that."

The hand-holding thing was really lame and sappy-looking, but at least guarantied him safety from the Idiot Brigade. As they made their way to the Mario Room, Ness nearly soiled himself at the sight of the four idiots all sitting on a couch as they passed the living room, staring into his soul.

Lucas smiled as she felt him squeeze her hand. It was a good thing she didn't notice it was more from fear than love.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** With the end of this chapter, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is nothing of particular interest happens next chapter. The good news is the main plot twist happens the chapter after that! Rejoice!_


	14. Wanting the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Like I said before, nothing of particular interest happens in this installment. It's basically stalling/creating tension for next time. NEXT TIME! _

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 14:**__ Wanting the Undeniable_

* * *

So, that was it. The secret of their time together was officially out. ...Well, sorta. Only Pit and the Idiot Brigade knew about their affair, while everyone else simply saw them like crossed fingers. Not Mario and Peach crossed fingers, but Ice Climbers crossed fingers, which was funny, since Nana and Popo's relationship had been on the rocks since Lucas' true gender had been revealed.

But as the dust from that settled, things continued on like normal... or weird, or whatever. Ness was ready to put this whole mess over Lucas behind him, but the competition just wouldn't give up.

...Of course.

Despite telling them _right to the face_ that she was going steady with the other psychic, the Idiot Brigade still pined over Lucas and all she had to offer, albeit in lighter hints. They now kept their distance more often and made a notion to tread lightly in their words and actions. Not only that, but they never seemed to dogpile her anymore. Almost like they were taking turns, each boy would approach her at some random time, put on the moves, see her reaction, then leave. After a certain amount of time, another boy would try, and this continued on and on until curfew.

And if that wasn't enough, the little bastards wouldn't even take Ness' presence into account. When he wasn't around, they'd go all out with the charm. When he _was_ around, they'd drop hints here and there, which Lucas ate up as if she were desperate for them. Then again, Ness was more of an action person; he was better at giving her love bites than he was at giving compliments. ...He, for the record, thought she was very pretty; he just wasn't confident enough to come out and say it unless asked.

Trying an approach in something he absolutely loved to be around, Kirby took to trying to spend time with Lucas around food. Whether it was eating or cooking with her, the puffball always tried to turn on his pink, puffy charm at those times. Lucas often found it cute, and that was always a good sign.

Toon Link, being the little sweetie, probably got some inside info from Peach on the matter of girls, so he didn't appear as much of a wimp around her. Sure, he still fainted sometimes when she so much as breathed on him, but he would come to almost instantly and play it off as it being the result of how she made him feel. Lucas often found that funny, so he must've been doing something right.

Even dunderhead Popo wised up ditched Captain Falcon's perverted poems and pick-up lines and went with inadvertently confusing Lucas with his own, poorly-written and nonsensical rubbish. His stuff was so bad, actually, it amused her.

And Red? Oh, Red. Always the troublemaker, forever the bed seed, the thorn in your side that just wouldn't go away. He became a freaking Romeo overnight. He used the sappiest dialogue, was always in Lucas' face, and couldn't keep his hands off her. ...Okay, well, that was no different than usual, but he just did it so cunningly it almost made Ness sick. The rest were cute, sweet, and nice with their stuff, but Red was on a whole 'nother level. It was made worse by how easily Lucas was suckered into his mannerisms, and if Ness interfered, she'd irritably tell him to knock it off.

Fortunately, Lucas rarely acknowledged him with anything more than some blushing, a few giggles, and giddily-hunched shoulders. She just wanted to hear him compare her to a summer's day, and some other old-century crap. Maybe she was finally starting to realize getting romantically involved with this guy was almost as bad as getting romantically involved with Wario. ...Almost.

Although their new approach in hitting on Lucas had become even more incessant than before, at least they did it in moderation, not every time they saw her loud shirt in the distance, heard her name, or saw her fighting. It was still annoying, but not unbearable. He could probably get used to this, right?

Ness finally realized the answer to that question was a big, fat "no". It took a little over a month for him to come to that conclusion, but he was almost certain he had to go over one more hump before this crap was over. And what was that hump? The Idiot Brigade? Lucas? Pit? Red?

...Shockingly enough, all of the above were innocent. The problem he'd come to now was something he'd never once dealt with, making it that much harder to get over. And the culprit for his predicament this time was...

Himself.

Yeah, that was right. He had no one to deal with now but himself. He was anything but Mr. Perfect, but he never figured he'd be a problem in this heated battle for the girl, or if he was, not so much.

The first thing that bugged him was this stupid laryngitis. For some reason, it wouldn't go away! It'd gotten better, and he could talk normally without it rivaling stepping on cat's tail, but that still didn't stop it from going high and deep in tone at random times. Mario didn't know why it hadn't cleared up, so he deemed it a long term case. What a load of bunk. He just said that to sound like he knew what he was talking about.

The second problem, he felt, was Lucas herself. When it came to their relationship nowadays, it was like she no longer had time for him. Slowly, but surely, she went from teeming with excitement at the hint of a make out session, to "not really feeling like it" when the idea was proposed. She used to constantly yearn for it and wanted nothing more than to lure him back to their room and just do it. But now, she "didn't want to", or "was tired", or "wasn't in the mood". They still talked and came in contact with each other, but if Ness even dropped the slightest hint or touched her in a way she found suggestive, she'd suddenly remember she had something to do and completely dismissed him.

The final, and probably most-damning thing was not only did she no longer pine for him, he now frantically pined for her!

Okay, so this was nothing new, but it was controllable then. Now it was like _he_ needed to do it, _she_ needed him to do it, the whole house and everything within a 30 mile radius needed him to do it! He yearned for Lucas in ways that seemed so inhumane and obsessive, his urges going from slightly nagging to overbearing and incessant. Personally, he considered his lust for her as a complement; how dare she make him want her every day, and in the worst way possible? She should be flattered by this, flocking to him to as giddy as could be over his newfound desire in her. This sudden infatuation started not long after she began giving him the cold shoulder, so he believed it had something to do with that.

...Then again, he didn't really care why anymore. All he knew was he wanted Lucas, hadn't had a piece of her in over a week, and was literally going insane from it. Despite his desperation, he wasn't gonna demean himself again by raping another pillow, hers, his, or otherwise. She should've been honored he'd never again stoop to making love to a measly sticky, old pillow, as it couldn't take her place in bed; saying it could would be the biggest understatement of the century.

Besides, people who made out with their particularly attractive girlfriend exactly nine times in the last 20 or so days and getting to at least third base almost twice as much were too good for humping pillows. Yes, he kept count! So what?! That wasn't a crime; people could do that! They could keep track of how many times they went all the way and how many how times they came close! _There was nothing wrong with that!_

* * *

10:49am. That was the time he got up that morning. He'd missed breakfast by an hour and 49 minutes, but lunch would be there in another hour and 11 minutes, so it was all good. As per usual, Lucas had woken up hours before and had gone off to do... whatever.

He was busy trying to get himself dressed before someone popped in to tell him about a fight. The only person he wanted to see him nude, partially or otherwise, was nowhere in sight.

Finished dressing up, he sniffled and blankly looked himself in the mirror. This used to be something only Lucas would do, but he'd become accustomed to it now himself.

The reason for this was because of the sudden lengthening of the messy mop he called his hair. It wasn't too long, but had gotten wild enough to make him look pretty scruffy, even moreso with his hat on. He'd be crazy to trust anyone there with a pair of scissors, lest he'd end up dead or looking like a maniac. It was a little problem, so it was fixed by a little solution. Standing before the mirror, he simply tied up the longest part in the back with a rubber band, now sporting a bit of a rattail. The new look was a little weird for his liking, but being normal was overrated, so he'd take it.

No sooner had he put on his trusty hat, Lucario popped in. ("Hey, Ness. We've got a fight. Eight minutes, Mario Circuit, explosives only, 10 stock, no teams.")

"When?"

("In 10 minutes, if I can find Wario. I swear, that gasbag's always trying to skip out on a fight. So get ready. I'll meet you there.")

He sighed as the door closed. It wasn't that he didn't wanna fight, he just wanted a little time to chill before heading off to battle.

_Correction: you wanna spend a little time with Lucas before heading off to battle._

He sighed again. He got him there. That was exactly what he wanted.

_Yeah, there you go again, denying everything—Wait... You're actually __**agreeing**__ with me?_

Yeah, sure, why not? It was true he was a little lonely. Dare he say... lovesick?

_Lovesick?! ...Who are you and what've you done with the real Ness?!_

He moped on the bureau for a few seconds before he finally slid off of it, pitiful and empty. Well, maybe if he was lucky, he'd run into her on the way or afterwards. He then groaned as he remembered how dry she was in the love department and probably wasn't up for any nookie. But hey, it couldn't hurt to try.

* * *

The following fight was disastrous; Ness just couldn't keep his head in the game and ended up coming in dead last. He didn't care about losing, but the spectators constantly asking him what he was doing out there was starting to grate on his nerves.

He escaped their annoying questions by wandering around until he found himself going into the lunchroom. Without Lucas around, he drifted about aimlessly with no purpose, like a boat with no rudder. There was nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, and it was still a little while until lunch, deeming this the perfect place for some short-lived peace. Only a few people were in and about the cafeteria as he entered. Ike was cleaning some tables, while Diddy and Snake made sure the floor was at least somewhat clean from the madness that was breakfast.

Since there was nothing else he could be doing, Ness chose to bend the rules a little and see what was on the menu, going back into the kitchen. He watched the kitchen R.O.B.s zoom about with boxes and crates full of food, drinks, and condiments. They had all sorts of things, like some pizza, cheeseburgers, salad, fries, pudding, spaghetti from last night, teriyaki chicken, onigiri, shrimp, ham, a nice slice of ass. ...Wait, what?

Turns out he was wrong... Well, about the slice of ass on anyone's menu but his, anyway. Who else but Lucas stood before the kitchen sink, washing dishes and putting them over in clean water so a nearby R.O.B. could dry and put them away. This R.O.B. was the actual one, the one that fought.

Doing the dishes was usually the job for a pair of kitchen R.O.B.s, but a mischievous Bowser one day decided he wanted to see what would happen if they just _happened_ to fall into the dishwater. The two weren't broken, but still needed repair. This meant a pair of Smashers had to fill in for them until further notice. It just so happened that today was Lucas' and R.O.B.'s turn. What were the odds?

Aside from the sound of some wayward kitchen R.O.B.s whirring around and occasionally slamming into each other several times before they managed to go where they were going, things were silent between the two. Had she been as spazzy as she was last month, she would've been talking up a storm over the last battle, what she saw Ike and Marth doing before breakfast, or prattling on and on about something Peach said last night. But there was nothing, nada, zip, zilch; she had absolutely nothing to say to R.O.B. and shockingly, he couldn't take it anymore.

It wasn't long before he found himself trudging over and giving her shirt a hard tug. It was nice and lazy, too, which always meant whatever he wanted would be sexual. She sighed, automatically knowing it was him.

"...Lucas?"

She didn't turn around. "Yes?"

He was too distracted to be blunt. "Let's go do it. Right here, right now. You and me."

"Ew, no. Go away."

"C'moooooon..." He continued tugging. "The R.O.B.s can pick up the slack, let's goooo..."

"No."

"Whyyyyyy?"

"Because I have a job to do, and I'm not leaving until it's done."

"Fine."

He hurriedly fetched a R.O.B. who was currently malfunctioning, slamming itself into the door leading into the freezer. Apparently, it was trying to put some ham in there, but forgot how to open it. Ness grabbed the ham, opening the door, hurled it in and slammed it, then grabbed the frantically whirring R.O.B. and put it next to Lucas. Seeing it was in front of the sink, it promptly moved the blonde from its vicinity and proceeded to finish her job. The fighter R.O.B. saw nothing wrong with this and continued cleaning.

"There," sighed Ness, exasperated, "_Now_ can we go?"

She looked at him, a little annoyed herself. "That R.O.B. was busy doing something, Ness..."

"Who cares? Let's go."

"Not now."

"Why?!"

"I don't feel like it."

"Oh, that's funny," he sarcastically replied. "Y'know what? You didn't 'feel like it' yesterday either, or the day before that, or the day before that, or the week before that, so tell me, Lucas, when exactly _are_ you gonna feel like it again?"

She sighed. "I don't know, but when I feel the urge, I'll be sure to tell you."

"But I've got the urge _now_!" he growled.

"Well, sorry. You'll just have to... suppress it or something." And with that, she left.

He followed. "I can't do that anymore! How much longer are you gonna make me suffer?"

She looked back him, scoffing. "Sheesh, give it a rest already. It's not that big of a deal."

He ignored that, still whining. "We don't have to go all the way, if that's what you're worried about..."

"No."

"First base, then? Two minutes?"

"No."

"Nothing serious or deep. It'll be short and sweet, straight to the point."

"No."

"Just a pick-me-up?"

Now leaving the lunchroom, she stopped and groaned. "Stop it, Ness. This is ridiculous. Why're you so needy all of a sudden?"

"Why're _you_ being so stingy?"

"So not being in the mood is being stingy?"

"Yes! I feel like you're ignoring me!"

"Ness, if I was ignoring you, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"I mean, you're ignoring me..." He quickly looked around to see if anyone was listening before finishing with, "sexually."

"_Uggggggggggh..." _She sounded literally disgusted.

"C'mon, Lucas. I'm not asking for much. You've been such a stick in the mud lately. You haven't shown me one bit of yourself in over a week. A hug, a kiss? Something..."

She shook her head. "Ness. You and I both know we've got better things to do than stand around here and talk about this."

"Like actually getting busy, so let's go already!" He pulled her arm, eagerly trying to drag her off.

She remained unmoved, both physically and emotionally. "Really, now... This is getting a bit stupid. I already said I don't feel like it. What're gonna do? Make me make out with you?"

He stopped and looked at her incredulously, smirking. "That could be arranged."

"...I'll see you later, Ness," she dryly remarked, going the other way.

"Wait, no, where're you going—Lucas, no, don't be like that, I was playing, stop it, c'mon, please, nooooo..." he mewled pitifully, following her. Seeing she was still walking away, he suddenly groped her midsection from behind. "Lucas, I'm dying here! We're no strangers to love! You know the rules, and so do I!"

"Quit it. I'm not in the mood for this..." she grumbled, trying to push him off with a firm palm to the head.

"But a full commitment's what I'm thinking of!" He struggled against her. "You wouldn't get this from any other guy!"

"Really, knock it off," she seethed. "You're making a scene..."

He continued spilling himself. "We've know each other for so long, Lucas! Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it! And... and that's okay, 'cuz inside, we both know what's been going on! We know the game and were gonna play it!"

"Ness, stop..." she growled, blushing. "You're embarrassing me..."

"Oh, what?" He looked around her to see Luigi, Pikachu, and Mr. Game and Watch staring at them from the hallway. "In front of these guys?"

"...?" Not one of them had anything to say, not even smartass Pikachu.

He sneered. "What're you lookin' at? Take a picture, it'll last longer."

The three decided they'd pass and left with shrugs, scowls, and shoulders hunched.

"There, see?" He grinned at her like a dopey puppy. "They're gone now. Wasn't that easy?"

"..." She didn't look impressed.

He was starting to get desperate. "...It's me, isn't it? That's why, right? Something I did? Something I said? Whatever it was, I'm sorry, I take it back, I didn't mean it, and it was all Pikachu's idea."

"No."

He stood, suddenly pissed. "Then it must be someone else! Who is it?! What've you been doing behind my back?! Sneaking around with some other guy?!"

"No. Look, I don't know, okay?" She rubbed her arm uncertainly. "I'm just not... feeling it. Maybe I was going through a phase. And now that it's over... it's over."

"Over?! Making out is a way of life, okay? It can't just be 'over' when it wants to be! Once you do it, the rest comes naturally, you know?"

"Then I'm on hiatus."

That was the last thing he wanted to hear. "_W-wh—Huwha?!_ When did this happen?!"

She raised an eyebrow. "...Ness, calm down. You're acting like a—"

She was cut off as Peach appeared behind Ness. "Oh, Lucas! Just the girl I looking for."

"Oh. Uh..." She waved halfheartedly. "Hi, Peach."

"Sweetie, where were you this morning? Nana was going to eat with you for breakfast, but she said you never showed up. What happened?"

Ness was taken aback by that. Lucas actually _missed_ breakfast? She was always such an early bird; she never missed the first meal, not even once! He himself was a late sleeper, so he was always either late to breakfast or early to lunch.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot. I was feeling a little nauseous this morning, so I skipped it."

"Skipped it?" both Ness and Peach said in unison. They looked at each other in equal shock.

The princess frowned worriedly. "But Lucas, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. How could you've possibly skipped it?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just wasn't in the mood to eat."

"Have you had anything at all today?"

"No."

"No?!" she gasped, taking her arm. "Well, you need to get something in you right now! It's not good to be up and about without a little something! The other girls and I had a fight and couldn't make it to breakfast, so we're having a little brunch with some leftovers Nana got us out on the patio."

"Peach, I—" began Lucas.

Before Ness had a chance to voice his opinion on the subject, Peach had already dragged her off.

"You can eat with us and fill that poor, empty little tummy of yours," she went on.

"But I'm not hungry..." protested Lucas, clumsily following her fast strides.

"Oh, you won't be saying that when you see what we've got cooked up! It'll be delicious! Now come on, come on before it gets cold!"

Now, Ness usually wasn't one for snooping around when it involved a buncha girls... But Lucas missing breakfast... on _purpose_? Ducking out on her friends? _Not_ being hungry when it was nearly noon? ...Not putting out?! Something was definitely up, and it may've been the reason behind her sudden lack of interest in him.

He sighed, as he wasn't looking forward to this...

* * *

He squinted at the sun outside. It was too damn bright to be out at this time of the day, which was exactly why nobody was out here. Well, either that they were too busy fighting or waiting for lunch to start. He sat on the water fountain casually, watching things unfold from a distance.

On the patio, of course, was every girl in the house, minus Ivysaur, Nana, and... Lucas? Hey, where'd she go? Peach was there talking up a storm, but where was her follow blonde? Ness was more than ready to dismiss the girls and go search for her himself when heard Peach say her name in a bothered tone. Immediately, he stopped in his tracks and listened hard.

"...So, you're saying she's not coming?" he heard Samus ask.

"No, no, she's coming. She's just had to take a trip to the little girls' room." She then whispered, "She's feeling a little sick today."

Zelda quickly pointed a finger at her, as if remembering something. "You know what? It's funny you should say that, because I had a fight with her this morning before I fought you guys, and she was downright pitiful."

"Really? What happened?"

"Her attacks just weren't up to snuff. She missed a lot, and even when she did hit, they usually fizzled out or barely worked."

Peach pondered that. "Hmm... Anything else strange?"

"Well, she's been pretty calm and lethargic lately, like... She's gone about-face or something. She's usually so happy and spry, but now she's so sluggish and dull. Has anyone else noticed that, or is it just me?"

("I sure have,") vouched Jigglypuff.

"Maybe it's her hormones. Given her age, she's in the height of them, so she'll have some highs and lows," voiced Samus.

"That doesn't explain her appetite," added Peach.

"And her being sick," said Zelda.

So, Lucas was sick. Was that it? And hormones? And lethargic? He didn't know what that meant, but it sounded like a disease. So what was up?! The suspense was getting to him. He couldn't hear everything and what he missed tore him up inside. He just had to know! What the hell was going on with his Lucas?!

He narrowed his eyes as he looked over to the table full of girls. He really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeally didn't wanna go over there, for he knew doing so was like having brunch with aliens... Really girly, prissy, bubbly, chatty, snooty aliens...

It was against his better judgment to approach so many members of the opposite sex at once, but his love life was at stake. If he didn't grow some balls and get it over with, he'd probably never get busy with Lucas again. And that was a horrible punishment no self-respecting dude should ever have.

...Sighing, he jammed hands in his pockets and briskly made his way over, sitting down in a chair. The very second he seated himself, the rousing conversation over Lucas came to a screeching halt. Eyebrows were raised, lips turned up, and throats were cleared. He had a feeling this wouldn't end well.

("Uh, Ness?") said Jigglypuff, as-a-matter-of-factly. ("What're you doing over here? You're sitting in Lucas' seat.")

"Yes, and excuse you for dropping in on our gathering like this." Zelda crossed her arms. "Talk about rude. If you're looking for a free handout, I suggest you search elsewhere."

"Yeah, don't you have something else you could be doing?" asked Samus. "Like not being over here?"

Jeez, he hadn't said one word and the girls were already squawking and complaining about wanting him to scram. See, if it were the other way around, a table full of guys would love it if a girl came to sit with them. As long as she didn't interfere or start blabbing about something, she was welcomed to stay as long as she wanted. Things were all backwards when it came to chicks...

Fortunately, Peach had his back. "Oh, stop it, girls. We can have a little outside visitor over here sometimes. Ness is actually a real sweetheart. Besides," she tittered, "we can consider him family now, seeing he's a special friend of Lucas'."

Their blank and irritated expressions lifted as they took this into consideration. Apparently, since he and Lucas were an item, any friend of hers was a friend of theirs. ...This didn't keep him from sticking out like a sore thumb, though.

...And he was not, "a real sweetheart", either. Blech.

After what seemed like forever, Lucas finally made herself known, taking her sweet-ass getting to the table. She didn't seem too thrilled as she sat down next to Ness, quietly greeting him. Yes, and him sitting there in the first place didn't rouse any questions from her for some reason.

"Hello, Lucas!" chirped Peach. "And thanks again for being able to make it."

Lucas raised her head slightly and cracked a weak smile, immediately going back to sulking.

Seeing this, Peach added, "Oh, and look. Even Ness came out to eat with us! Isn't that sweet of him?"

"...Oh, yeah. It's really, um, great..."

"...Anyway," said Zelda, passing her a plate full of eggs, jam on toast, and bacon, "Go on and eat your fill. Lunch is coming up soon, but we're all getting doggie bags for it. You want one, too?"

She shrugged, looking at her food. "...I guess so."

"We weren't expecting you drop in, Ness, so we don't have enough for you. Sorry."

He scoffed. Figures. He wasn't that hungry at that moment anyway, too busy being focused on Lucas. Both of them stuck out like sore thumbs at the table, Lucas barely eating and him not eating at all. Seeing everyone had their plate, Peach decided to kick things off by yapping about something.

Lucas gingerly ate her food, looking around shiftily while the princess blabbed on and on. She looked so dull and out of it, glaring at her meal in silent disgust. She glanced up and around the table to see everyone else happily laughing, talking, and eating their food. Looking to the food again, she sighed and lazily stirred her fork around in it.

After barely lifting the fork to her mouth thrice, Lucas couldn't take it anymore. Grimacing and sighing loudly, she put the utensil down and pushed her food away, holding her stomach.

"Lucas? Anything wrong?" asked the peachy princess.

"I'm sorry, Peach. I just can't eat anymore. I'm really full."

"But you barely touched your brunch," said Samus.

She was right. Lucas couldn't have taken more than one bite of each thing on her plate.

"Are you sure you haven't eaten anything today?" asked Zelda.

"Uh-huh."

"And you can't eat another bite now?"

She rubbed her stomach. "...I wasn't very hungry."

"...All right, that's it!" Peach angrily stood up. "That's the straw that broke the camel's back!" She crossed her arms. "You, ma'am, are going to the doctor, first thing after lunch!"

"...But I don't want to..." she quietly protested, picking at her food.

"_Don't want to?!"_ repeated everyone, including Ness.

That was insane! Girls we're always so nitpicky in going to the doctor, with their frilly check-ups and appointments, when you were only supposed to go when you broke an arm or something! Yeah, there was no doubt in his mind something was wrong with Lucas now. That went for the others, as well.

"That settles it!" Peach thrust a finger at her. "We're not waiting until lunch! You're going right now, missy!"

"Peach..." she whined. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me, honestly..."

"We'll just see about that!" she fumed, parading over to grab her.

Seeing this, Lucas jumped up and began backing away. "No, Peach, stop... I'm okay, really. You don't have to do this..."

"I'd be the worst friend ever if I didn't, now come on!"

"No...! It'll pass! It's nothing to worry about! I'm all right!" She was starting to plead now, which only raised their suspicions.

"Lucas, this is ridiculous. What's the big deal? It'll only take a second," said Samus, standing to aid Peach.

The youngest girl panicked, still backing away. "No, stop it... Don't do this! What is this, an intervention?!"

"You could say that," answered Sheik, appearing from behind to grab her shoulders.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" she howled, trying to pull away as Samus and Peach each grabbed an arm. "This isn't fair! You can't force me to do this! What happened to respecting other people's opinions?!"

("Well, this is where we draw the line,") said Jigglypuff, leading the way. ("Come on, girls. Let's get this over with.")

Her protesting and pulling continued on into the house until Ness could only hear the echoes of her pleas and half-crying, half-laughing panicky refusals.

Well, that certainly explained everything. Lucas'd flipped her lid, and women were very scary when they ganged up on you. He already knew the latter, but it was always a nice refresher. Unfortunately, he then realized he'd failed in the one thing he risked life and limb to come out there and do:

_He still hadn't got laid!_

* * *

Ness slumped into their room, a defeated and broken man. He decided to go Lucas' route and skip lunch, due to him being a little more than cheesed off over the lack of sex. It wasn't really Lucas' fault, he knew, but still...! Speaking of which, the blonde wasn't in there, but she would be soon. Mario tried making his appointments with people as fast as possible. Regardless, it didn't matter to him as he flopped on his bed and flicked on the TV, angrily flipping until found something violent and mindless to watch.

Several minutes later, Lucas zoomed in, slamming the door behind her and leaning against it like every man in the house had suddenly decided to chase her. Ness looked at her quizzically, to which she responded with her trademark blank stare.

Whatever was wrong, she didn't look up for talking, so Ness kept blazing through the channels until she felt like it. The blonde noticed this and, seeing he wasn't up for talking either, suddenly dashed into the bathroom, a hand covering her mouth. Ness wasn't looking at her face, but as she passed him and TV, she looked pretty pale and sick. He couldn't help but wonder why.

The door slammed and he heard it lock. Huh, that was a little weird, but whatever. Messing with her would only worsen things. She was probably planning on taking a shower and didn't want little surprises, meaning him, while in there. Okay, sure, fine. Maybe she'd feel better after a shower and maybe he could seduce her while was still vulnerable. It was all good, it was fine. She just needed to be softened up a bit, that's all.

Yep, one way or another, if he played his cards right, he'd be getting some tonight. He was almost certain of it.

...

...

...

...No, he wasn't. He was just so lonelyyyyyy...!

Letting the overwhelming feeling of loneliness get the better of him again, he was about to go over and paw at the door for Lucas to open it when a horrible retching stopped him dead in his tracks.

...That did not sound like someone who was in the mood to bump uglies.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ If you read this chapter all the way through, congratulations! You have just been Rick Rolled! See if you can find where. :)_


	15. Expecting the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ If you haven't figured out what's going on by now, you may as well get you pitchforks and torches ready because 99.9% of you will probably not like it. Also, keep your eyes peeled for certain key points. They'll be important later. And try to keep in mind Ness' voice still sounds a little like a train wreck when he talks. It'll stay like this until further notice. :)_

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 15:**__ Expecting the Undeniable_

* * *

Ness stood uncomfortably outside the door with his arms crossed, listening to Lucas spewing, retching, hacking, coughing, and groaning. For someone who hadn't eaten anything, she sure had a lot to get out. At least she had the decency to brush her teeth afterwards.

After what seemed like forever, the door unlocked, and Lucas groggily stepped out. A tentative hand ran around her stomach in pain as she grimaced, the other holding a washcloth over her mouth.

"Um, Ness..." she mumbled through it, "Can you... go call one of the maintenance R.O.B.s? ...It's pretty bad in there..."

"Uh..." He blinked. "What was that all about?"

She frowned. "...You're telling me you didn't hear me in there?"

"Oh, I heard you, alright. My question is _why_ and _how_? I thought you hadn't eaten today."

"I haven't," she continued to claim.

"Then, what was that?"

She shuddered. "I don't know, okay? I've just been... feeling really sick lately..."

"...Lucas, I'm the last person who'd say this, so I think you should consider it. Maybe you should go get yourself checked up."

She shook her head vigorously, angrily throwing down the cloth. He noticed she was still clutching her gut. "No, I don't want to!"

"Why?"

"Because there's nothing wrong with me! You guys're all blowing this totally out of proportion!"

"Well, considering what you've been doing lately, why shouldn't we?"

"Oh, whatever! I'll call them myself!" she huffed, grabbing the phone from the nightstand. Picking it up, she dialed some numbers, let it ring twice, then hung up. That's what you had to do to call certain R.O.B.s to a specific room, dial their respective 5-digit number, then the room's 2-digit number and hang up. Some would be there in a few seconds.

...But why was she still holding her stomach? Why was she rubbing it? Why was she squeezing it? Why'd she look so tired? Did it hurt that bad? Was she gonna throw up again? She looked pretty composed now, so maybe not, but...

"C'mon, Lucas," tried Ness again, concerned over this. "We're just worried. I can come with you... if that'll make you feel a little better."

He realized a little too late how sappy and comforting it sounded as it slipped outta his mouth, almost automatically.

Lucas turned with a halfhearted smile. "That's really sweet, but there's nothing wrong with me, really. It's only a little... nausea. It'll pass."

"...You sure?" he asked once more.

"Yes, I'm sure. Trust me, it won't happen again."

"Well, if that's the case..." He felt a little bad for asking, but he couldn't wait any longer. "Can we...?"

He didn't even have to finish as she massaged her temples. "Aw, Ness..."

"Look, you said you were okay! I asked, I made sure you were a-okay! Would I've done that if I didn't care about you? No! So at least gimme some credit!"

It was a good thing Lucas was an understanding person. Besides, he had a point. Excuse him for being the total opposite of her in nearly every way he could be.

She decided to throw him a bone. "...Are you really that desperate for me?"

"_Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!"_ he responded, falling onto her bed to claw it. That sounded a little crazier than he meant it to.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "All right. Fine, we can do it. But only first ba—"

Lucas couldn't finish before Ness jumped up and pounced on her like a tiger, pinning her down to the bed with a hungry kiss. Not ready for the sudden lip-lock, the blonde struggled to get him off, but it was like trying to pull some really heavy flypaper off her face. Completely smothered, the whole thing was a big scrambled mess of the two until Lucas managed to sit up and pull Ness off, gasping for air.

"...What the hell was that?!" she demanded between breaths.

"Well, you said we could do it!"

"Well, _you_ don't have to be so rough! I'm not a rag doll!" She sighed, her anger wearing off. "Jeez, you're strong. I don't remember you being that hard to get off..."

"Yeah, that's nice," he muttered, a firm hand pushing against her to go down again.

"Ness, stop!" she growled, trying to push him off. "Can you at least let me get ready? I feel like I'm being forced here!"

"You're not! I asked if we could do it and you said yes, so let's go!"

"Let me get my bearings first!" she sighed, getting up to try and escape him. "Gimme a second, all right?"

"Oh, come on! You said it was okay!" whined Ness, stalking her and grabbing an arm. "You know you did!"

"I know, but—Look, stop, I'm not ready yet, you're—Ness, quit it, I'm not joking, knock it off! STOP!"

She struggled with his eager hands and arms, angrily swatting at them away, only for the two to come back for more. This went on until she had her back against the door, completely cornered.

Finally, she seized his wrist, but at the same time, he seized her other wrist. Her teeth were gritted irritably at Ness' inability to understand the word "stop", as well as a mischievous grin he'd suddenly developed. Her stomach heaved under him angrily, pushing against him each time she inhaled. ...That was a bit odd. They weren't _that_ close together...

"Ness," she seethed, "you're about five seconds from me kicking you in the groin. I'm so serious right now..."

"Then do it."

_What's wrong with you?!_ screeched his psyche. _Have you gone mad?! Are you really that desperate to risk cracking your nuts over a little lovin'?!_

Nah, she wouldn't do it. Not to him, never to him. She may've been a crazy broad, but she didn't have the heart to break his family jewels; she knew them too personally. Not to mention, Lucas was a really bad bluffer. When she was truly pissed and meant serious business, you didn't wanna be in the same room with her, even if you weren't the one she was mad at. On the contrary, her bluffing consisted of this supposedly tough-looking, slightly-constipated look on her face that was a dead giveaway to anyone who knew her well enough.

Finally giving in, she sighed. "I can't..."

"That's what I thought," he snorted.

As Lucas sneered at him for that, something caught her eye. "Hey, Ness. I just noticed something."

"What?"

"You're grabbing my wrist when it's all the way up here." She motioned her head to his hand still clutching her. "I thought you couldn't reach that high."

"...?" He looked up to see she was right. He used to not be able to reach her shoulders, but here he was, holding her wrist at least several inches above her them. How did that happen?

Contemplating this, Lucas released his hand, which made him soften up and let go as well.

"Come to think of it..." She squinted. "Is it me, or have you gotten a little... taller?"

"Taller?"

"I think you have." She took a hand and placed it on his cap, mentally measuring him. After a few seconds, she smiled.

"What?"

"Hey, I was right! You _have _grown a little!" she said, as if she really wanted to say, 'It's about time!' Putting her other hand a bit below her knockers, she added, "You used to be right here, and now you're almost to my chin."

Huh. She was right again. He knew something was off when he didn't have to break his freaking back to look up to her.

"You know... I haven't had a good look at you in a while... You're looking a lot more mature and, well, kinda manly now. It's pretty becoming of you, actually." She blushed. "You've really changed, haven't you?"

He didn't know. ...Had he?

The conversation was interrupted by the familiar sound of a certain robot slamming into the door. As Lucas opened it, sure enough, there was a trio of maintenance R.O.B.s standing there, all toting buckets, cloths, and other cleaning supplies.

"MAINTENANCE R.O.B.S NUMBERS 45, 284, AND 69 HAVE ARRIVED AT SOURCE OF DISTRESS CALL. PLEASE INPUT MAINTENANCE CODE PROBLEM," said one, which basically meant, 'Here we are. What's going on?'

"There's a bit of a mess in the bathroom. Could you get it, please?" asked Lucas, Ness getting outta the way as they came in.

As they went to work, Lucas watched from the side, making sure they didn't malfunction or something. Ness sat idly on her bed behind her, not wanting to see how bad it was. As he moved his head about, trying to find something else he could look at besides the vomit-filled bathroom, he suddenly found the blonde herself very interesting to look at, but for a reason that actually bothered him.

Lucas was always the slim, slender sort, her attire complementing her hourglass figure nicely. Small imprints could sometimes be seen underlying the fabric, ranging from her slit belly button and sometimes, when she got really cold, a certain... um, impression from her knockers. The imprint he noticed in particular was a little, er, more out there.

In short, she looked like she swallowed a bowling ball. Ness hadn't noticed from the front or back, but from the side, her stomach was really swollen and protruding. This was weird, since she'd said over and over again she hadn't had a meal that day. If that was the case, then what was that ballooning underneath her shirt?

From his groping her midsection earlier, Ness did notice she felt a little like a water balloon, but didn't think much of it, too enthralled in her to care. And from the struggle they had a moment ago; he _knew_ he wasn't that close to her, yet he still feel her stomach jutting out and into him for some reason.

...Maybe she was lying about not eating and pigged out on a whole chocolate cake, but was too embarrassed to admit it. From the size of her, she _looked_ like she'd eaten an entire cake, maybe two... Yeah, that had to be it. A simple mix of overindulgence and the shame in admitting it was the case of all this.

"Well," she said, slowly sitting down next to him on her bed. "We can't leave until they're done, so let's go." She immediately grabbed Ness' shoulders as he lurched for her again. "Gently! _Gently_!"

Another small struggle ensued. Lucas held him back like a desperate lion tamer would her ravenous pet, complete with him occasionally growling and pawing at her. It was soon after that Ness realized he had to comply, because they were getting nowhere. Finally, he managed to contain himself and relax.

Lucas sighed, but kept a firm hold on him. "...Good, now I'll start. And we're gonna take this nice and slow and EASY!" she suddenly shouted, him getting restless again.

Somehow or another, they finally got on the same wavelength and were able to make out like sensible... people who made out. Despite the sudden roundness between them, they still ended up getting to second base and stayed that way much longer than two minutes. Had Lucas noticed they didn't exactly... fit together? She must not've, since they continued doing what they did best together. How odd. Was she really that oblivious?

* * *

For the two psychics, the rest of the day was spent getting back on the right foot with one another. It was like they hadn't seen each other in years and were getting accustomed to their respective changes. Lucas was getting used to Ness' newfound strength and Ness tried composing himself when he got outta hand. Things usually started with a talk, then a suggestion, some hints, a struggle, then acceptance. They weren't exactly seeing eye-to-eye like before, but it was getting better. Lucas still failed to realize how rotund she'd gotten, but he sure as hell wasn't gonna say anything about it.

Of course, a monkey wrench had to be thrown in the works.

The Idiot Brigade saw how involved they were and kept their distance for the most part. They still appeared way too often during the day, almost like they were going around the house in circles. Although they didn't try hitting on Lucas, they did manage to hit on him a little; as in twacking him upside the head every time they passed behind him. And if they weren't sneakily pushing, thumping, or sharply elbowing his head, they were purposely knocking his hat off, trying to trip him when he walked by, or the giving him the classic death stare from across the room.

As per usual, he didn't give rat's ass over their little glares and gestures. He'd gone from being terrified of their collective assault to welcoming it with open arms. He didn't need Lucas around to stand up for him anymore. If they wanted to start something, he'd be more than happy to finish it himself. That attitude might've been why they didn't dare come within a 30-foot radius of the two. With such a hot battle inwardly brewing not only him and Lucas, but with each of the Idiot Brigade, it wasn't long before afternoon became early night and dinner was being served.

* * *

In the lunchroom, Ness had just sat down to his dinner, waiting for Lucas to get her food, when someone in the kitchen screeched, _"Alright, Link! Spill it! Where's the cheesecake?!"_

"I swear, I don't know! I thought you had it last! You made it!" answered the swordsman.

"Yes, and the last time I saw it was in the refrigerator, but I saw you have a slice the other night, so what'd you do with the rest of it?!"

"I don't know! I just got a slice and the next thing I knew, the whole thing was gone!"

"How do I know you didn't eat it?!"

"No way! I'd never do that!" He then mumbled. "...It tasted like garbage, anyway..."

"What?!"

Apparently, Peach had made a special cheesecake for her and the girls to chow on for some reason or another. She put it in the fridge, but made the mistake of leaving it out in the open when she was called to a fight. While she was gone, of course, anyone who was interested in it took a slice and by the time she returned, only three slices survived. Link was the only one caught taking a slice, so he got yelled at. After that, Peach claimed she put it up where no one could find it. Now the whole thing was gone, and Link was the one to blame.

"I'm serious!" she growled, stomping off. "When I find who ate the rest of this cheesecake, they'll be sorry!"

It wasn't that much of news. So Peach got her little frou-frou cake eaten, big deal. If Ness had a dollar for every time she cooked something that was eventually eaten by someone it wasn't intended for, he'd be a millionaire. She'd have a fit for the rest of the day, but would bake something else that hopefully wouldn't be eaten by the wrong person and be chipper and happy again.

His thoughts were interrupted as Lucas sat at the table, a tray of food in hand. Huh, so she was hungry now. Was about time. Maybe there was really nothing wrong with her, seeing she had three yummy-looking chicken sandwiches, all overflowing with pickles. It was a little odd she didn't get any side dishes, but it was better than nothing. He tried not to ogle her food too much, as not to raise any suspicions in his sudden interest of her meal.

Also, her appetite was back, and how. In contrast to earlier, she looked nice and hungry, eagerly whipping out a condiment to slather her food with. This was all fine and dandy until, out of the corner of his eye, Ness realized the dark brown goop that squirted out was none other than chocolate. Well, he was pretty sure it was chocolate. The bottle it came out of was unmarked, but what else could be that color?

But seriously, what the hell? He knew girls liked the stuff, but that much? And who'd eat a chicken sandwich with pickles and chocolate syrup? Well, there was Kirby, Yoshi, and maybe Wario, but Lucas had nothing in common with them, so this was all kinds of jacked up. The contrasting flavor didn't seem to affect the blonde as she happily bit into a sandwich, looking a little too elated in consuming it. Had it been the chocolate itself, he could understand. But how could she possibly stomach chicken, pickles, and chocolate? ...Ew.

"Uh, Lucas?"

She looked up, still chewing. "Hmm?"

"You sure you wanna... eat that?"

"_Mm-hmm..."_ she mumbled in sweet content.

"...Any reason why?"

She swallowed and pondered. "You know... I don't know. I just had a sudden craving for it. Like I just had to have it, or I'd die. It's really weird."

"...That's a little extreme, don'tcha think?"

"I don't care. I wanted this and I wanted it now, so there," she retorted, going back to hungrily chowing down.

...All right, then. He made a mental note to himself to never ask Lucas about her food choices again. He felt that little snappy comeback was a warning; next time might be much worse. He went back to eating his food, trying to start a casual conversation with her, but if she wasn't too busy tearing into her sandwich like she hadn't eaten in days, she was crazily slathering it with more chocolate. It was like the more she ate, the less he felt like eating.

"Mmmmmm... Well, I'm full..." she sighed, eventually devouring the last sandwich. She happily perched her head and crossed arms on the table. Ness tried not to grimace at her licking the chocolate off her lips in content. "You know, I never noticed how good that tasted with the right seasoning. I'm gonna start eating that more often."

"..." And he had absolutely nothing to add to that.

Before she could relish more in her satisfaction of a full stomach, Peach came tromping up. "Lucas!"

"Peach!" she gasped in surprise.

"There you are! Girl, we've been looking all over for you!" She grabbed an arm. "Don't think we forgot about this morning! You're still going to see the doctor, miss!"

"Noooooooooo!" It was déjà vu all over again as she struggled against her grip. "I'm fine! I ate some dinner and I'm better now! Really! There's nothing wrong with me! Ness, tell her!"

"Uh, yeah. She ate some chicken sandwiches with... that stuff," he calmly said, pointing to the bottle of chocolate.

"I don't care!" Peach spat, dragging her off. "You're going to see Mario right now! No ifs, ands, or buts!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Her male counterpart sat and watched Peach haul Lucas off, the latter having a conniption fit in the process. Had it been a male dragging her away, he would've done something to help, but Ness wasn't about to challenge a full-grown woman to decide the fate of a not-so-full-grown woman. She'd slap his ass silly.

But... since Lucas' disgusting choice in cuisine had killed the rest of his appetite, and his only source of interest had been taken off to the infirmary, he decided to follow and see exactly what all the fuss was about.

...Well, he wanted to, anyway, but the second he stepped out of the lunchroom, Marth grabbed and dragged him down the completely opposite way, off to battle.

* * *

About 10 minutes later, Ness left the battlefield, annoyed. Not because he lost, especially since he took first place, but because it was so quick, pointless, stupid, and easy. The competition barely even tried this time around. If he didn't know any better, he'd say Marth, Sonic, and Yoshi staged it just so it'd be a waste of his time.

Something told him Lucas was done with Mario and was probably back in their room, ready to whine to him about her horrific experience. In a flippant case like hers, the doctor/plumber liked to make his appointments as quick as possible.

It being the fastest way there, he left the main hallway and took a few turns until he entered the living room where the stairs to the upstairs dorms were. He was about to go up when none other than Lucas emerged from another doorway across the room. She was walking hurriedly with a small box of some sort in her hands. She looked perplexed, like something bad had happened. Feeling it was his duty to go see what was wrong, Ness was about to approach when a hand jolted up from the couch as she passed and grabbed her.

"Aah!" she screamed, startled.

"Relax, Lucas. It's only me," cooed the hand's owner. Ness narrowed his eyes, as he knew that voice from anywhere.

Red.

Standing, the boy took a firm hold of her wrist, breathing, "So, we meet again..." in her ear.

"Oh, hi, Red. Uh, can I talk to you later?" She turned to try and leave. "I have to go..."

He suavely pulled her back, whirling her about and into his arms as if they were dancing. "Oh, shy, are we? Don't be; you know how gentle I am."

"Yes, but I'm busy now—"

He pulled her close, one arm wrapped tight around her back and waist, the other still holding her wrist. "But, dear Lucas, there's no time like the present. Our feelings for each other provide leeway for what sweet music we could make together. A sweet harmony of love..."

"...Red, I really have to go," she groaned, looking away. "We can do this later."

The trainer let her go, allowing to Lucas turn around and try to leave again. Unfortunately, Red stopped her once more by securely holding her around the hips.

"Really, don't let your shyness get the best of you. I feel we have a connection here... There's something about you today that's making you extra irresistible. I don't know what it is. An air about you, or something..." He rubbed against her behind. "Don'tcha feel it?"

"No, I don't feel anything..."

He grinned his evil, pervy grin and began rhythmically rocking her body. The proximity between her butt and his crotch was troubling. "Oh, come on. You sure you don't?"

"No..."

Knowing that would be her answer, he began slowly humping her from behind. Because she'd done it with Ness several times, she found these motions familiar and saw nothing wrong with them. Poor, deluded little thing.

After a bit, something suddenly jabbed her in the rear of her shorts. "Ah!" Her face contorted in confusion. "Ooh... Now I feel... something..."

"Great! See? We're bonding already." He grabbed her shoulders, gradually inching towards the couch. "Y'know, you feel a little tense. Why don't we go... sit down?"

"Not now, I have to go..."

But again, against her will, Lucas was carefully pulled over and sat down onto the sofa. "There, you look calmer already."

"Red, stop..." she moaned, getting distraught. "I really need to go... It's an emergency..."

"Oh, c'mon..." As she tried to escape again, he grabbed her midsection. "A few minutes won't hurt. Just give me a second or two or I can—" He abruptly stopped.

Worried, Lucas faced him. "...What is it?"

"Hmm..." He felt her up and down. Why hadn't this occurred to Lucas he wasn't supposed to do that? "Is it me, or do you feel a little... different?"

"Different?"

"Like..." He squeezed her waist more. "You're suddenly teeming with something."

"Teeming...?" She sounded anxious at that.

"Impressed with my extensive vocabulary?" He raised his eyebrows up and down suggestively. "I've taken the liberty of reading every single thesaurus in the house so I could come to you with every single word there is to describe your beauty."

"Uh, okay..." she replied, backing away. "Listen, Red. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to—"

He went on, as if recalling a scripture he read. "How else shall I describe the soft, profuse form residing deep within your wondrous body? I shame myself for not being able to describe your infinite grace the way it should be, but alas, I'll try."

"Red—"

"I perceive your body, my dear Lucas, as many things, such as... brimful, brimming, bristling, bursting, chock-full, crammed, crawling, filled, fruitful, adequate, awash, bounteous, competent, complete, crammed, crowded, extravagant, imbued, laden, lavish, loaded, overflowing, plenteous, plentiful, plethoric, sated, satiated, satisfied, saturated, stocked, stuffed, sufficient, suffused, weighted, abundant, bearing, bountiful, fecund, flowering, flowing with milk and honey, fruitful, generative, gravid, loamy, lush, luxuriant, plenteous, plentiful, procreant, producing, productive, prolific, pubescent, rank, rich, spawning, vegetative, virile, yielding. Need I go on?"

"Red, stop," she sighed, bothered by the meaning of most of those words for some reason. It was like rubbing salt in her wounds. "I don't have time for this..."

He went on. "Come closer and let me delve deeper into that inviting, supple waist of yours, the sweet, succulent feel of your flawless skin gliding through my fingers as I caress it as near and dear as a newborn. I feel there is truly no one alive who can perceive you the way I do."

"What?"

Still spouting mindless dribble, the trainer was about advance on her even more when he had the feeling he was being watched. Backing away from his prey, he saw he was right; an irritated Ness finally decided to intervene. He hung over the back of the couch between the two, looking none too pleased.

"Ah! Ness!" yelped Lucas. Why was she so jittery all of a sudden?

"..." Red furrowed his brow, annoyed at his intrusion.

The blonde looked up at Ness nervously, not sure of what'd he do to her and Red. He must've seen everything, which he did, but he wasn't pissed at her. It wasn't her fault she was hot and easy. Regardless, his blank, perturbed expression was apparently terrifying to her. The fact he was only glaring ahead, refusing to look either one of them in the eye, made her uncomfortable as all hell.

"...I think I'll be going now..." she quietly squeaked. With that, like a fish who'd been released from a fisherman's hook, she made a hasty escape.

Red glared at Ness, looking a little more pissed off than usual. "You just want me to rip you a new one, don't you? Is that why you keep messing with Lucas? Why you keep her all to yourself? Why you harass her and treat her like trash behind our backs? Don't think we haven't noticed, you sick little asswipe."

He continued glaring ahead. "You know, Red. I'm not a very violent person, but you messing around with Lucas is really starting to get on my nerves. And not just you, those other guys, too. I find watching you all constantly fail really amusing, but that... that was a step too far."

"Lucas is too good for you, and you know it. Poor thing's probably on a leash. She deserves better than you, _much_ better. She needs to learn what a real man's like, and she sure ain't gonna learn it from you."

"Lucas and I have more in common than anyone else in the house, and I mean that in so many more ways than one. She knows PSI, I know PSI. She's got a stick, I've got a bat. She's got that Rope Snake, and," He chuckled, "so do I. She really likes 'im, too."

Immediately, Red jerked him forward by his collar, ready to knock that smile off his face.

"Really, what's hitting me gonna do? Prove I'm right? Go on, do it. Hit me. Prove I'm right."

Wow, it was amazing how feral and vicious a pair could get over the opposite sex. If he had fur, it'd be standing on end right about now.

The trained fumed, pushing him away roughly. Ness wasn't too keen on that and found his chest swelling angrily. The two continued staring one another down as they slowly began circling each other. The couch was the only thing between them as they did this, but they could easily tear it apart in the ensuing battle.

"...You've got a lot of nerve, you know that?" hissed Red.

"Looks who's talking," retorted Ness. "I'm giving you fair warning, Red. ...If _ever_ see you doing that to Lucas again, I'm gonna knock out every single one of your teeth and make a necklace outta them."

He stopped circling, daring Ness to come to him. "I'd like to see you try."

The psychic answered his challenge by getting right in his face. "No, you'll see me _do_."

Things were just about to get nice and nasty when Kirby popped up between them with a happy, "Hello!"

"...Wha—?" Ness felt like he'd been snapped out of a trance from the outburst.

"Red, Samus told me to come find you 'cuz you and her and me and King Dedede have a fight. We're gonna be on teams, and I'm with Dedede! We're gonna kick your butt, too!"

"Not now," he growled, still focused on Ness and the many, many ways he could strangle him.

"But Samus said she'd give me a cookie if I did!" he whined.

"I said, not now."

"I knew you couldn't go get him yourself," scoffed Dedede, waddling onto the scene. "It's a good thing Samus also sent me as a backup. C'mon Pipsqueak, time to brawl."

"What part of, 'not now' don't you morons understand?" he growled, turning his glare to the king.

The large penguin answered with a hammer to the head, knocking him silly. "The part where you call me a moron, moron."

"Does this mean I don't get a cookie?" whimpered Kirby.

Dedede cricked his neck, looking oh-so-cocky. "Ah, don't worry. Help me win this and we'll have a smorgasbord!"

"Yay!" And off the three went to knock each other's blocks off, the largest of the trio dragging Red's dazed form along.

That little encounter couldn't have ended better, even if he'd planned it out.

* * *

Ness was feeling pretty awesome as he ascended the stairs to check on Lucas. First, he managed to kinda score with her after a long drought, she herself said he was looking manlier, which would probably keep this lack of interest in the love department from ever happening again, and he and Red almost got into a bloody battle to the death over her. Wow, the testosterone must've gone to his head if recalling all of this got him excited.

Unfortunately, his stay on cloud nine was short-lived as he got upstairs. The very first thing he spotted was Lucas near their door further down the hall, standing slightly knockneed with her hands balled up against her chest. She tended to do this little pose to attract attention, but it usually showed insecurity, so something must've been up.

As he came closer, he noticed she looked a little troubled, beginning to rock back and forth on her heels as he approached. She added to this by smiling nervously and biting her lip, looking down. Ness saw she had a weird-looking thermometer in her hands, twisting it about in apprehension as he reached her. She obviously had something to tell him, so he stopped in front of her to listen.

"Uh, hi, Ness..."

"Hi, Lucas," he responded flatly.

"..." Blowing loudly, she raised her head and smiled painfully.

"Got something on your mind?"

"Actually... I do." She was practically sweating bullets. "...Um, don't get mad, okay?"

Ness made a face. If she started it with something like that, he just knew he'd be cheesed off.

Seeing his expression, she gulped. "...You, uh, might want to sit down for this..."

"Did you break something of mine?" he guessed.

"No..."

"Lose something of mine?"

"No..."

"You're messing around with someone else?"

"No!" she growled. "Stop thinking I'd do that!"

"Then, what could goody-two-shoes you have possibly done to get this worked up over?"

"Oh, you'll see when I tell you..."

He was starting to get annoyed. "Then tell me already!"

"Okay, okay, okay!" She yelped, suddenly spazzy. "Um... well, you know the girls dragged me off to the infirmary, right?"

"Yeah, the whole house does." He smirked.

Lucas didn't look in the mood for laughing. "Well... he took note of my symptoms and asked me some questions..."

"Uh-huh..."

"He wasn't exactly sure if I was going through what he thought I was, but he gave me something that would tell us both..."

"Uh-huh..."

"And I used it..."

"Uh-huh..." Jeez, get to the point, already.

She sighed. "Ness, you know sometimes... uh, things happen and you didn't exactly want them to?"

"Yeah..."

"I guess that's what I'm dealing with here." She smiled hard again. "Or, should I say what _we're_ dealing with here..."

"And what do I have to do with this?"

"A lot."

"Why?"

"..." She froze, as if suddenly unable to continue.

"Well?"

"You... um... I mean, I... uh..."

"..." He crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. Unfortunately, Lucas froze up again and what followed had to be the stupidest silent treatment ever.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Uh..."

"...Alright, Lucas, if you don't wanna tell, I'll go ask Pit. He probably knows what you did." Irritated, Ness left, going towards the stairs.

"...No, he won't, because I just found this out," she finally said, finding it easier to talk to his back than his face. She inhaled and blew loudly one last time before saying the three words no one as carefree as him ever wanted to hear.

"Ness, I'm pregnant."

Hearing this, he immediately missed the first step and fell downstairs. He really wished the following concussion made what he last heard a hallucination.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**: **__*has run for the hills*_


	16. Killing the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ WARNING: About 1/3 of this chapter is extremely sappy, while another 1/3 is very raunchy, the bad kind. That is all. _

_Oh, and I know this Is SHAMELESS ADVERTISING, but this super awesome cool dude named Archwig on deviantArt made a bit of a cover page of the story. If you wanna see it, go there, type his name in the search box, and look through his gallery until you see it. IT ROX MY SOX. _

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 16:**__ Killing __the Undeniable_

* * *

...Ness opened his eyes to see a blurry, white surrounding, like an office or something. It felt like he was lying on his back on a medical bed of some sort. He blinked and frowned hard, groaning as a shooting pain made itself known in his skull. He shuffled and was about to raise a hand to quell it when someone else's did the job for him. It gently brushed over his hatless head over and over again, soft fingers combing through his messy hair. Immediately, he sighed and relaxed, closing his eyes again.

"...Ness?"

Ah, that voice. The soft uncertainty and femininity of it was unmistakable. He'd be a fool not to recognize it.

"Lucas..." he contentedly murmured, smiling.

He opened his eyes again, turning to the sound of the voice. Sure enough, the blonde hovered over him on his right side, looking all kinds of worried. Her hand continued to gently massage his scalp as a relieved smile came to her face. From the look of the place, he was in a room in the infirmary, recovering after that nasty spill downstairs.

"Lucas..." he repeated, trying not to laugh. "I, heh... I had the... heh heh... craziest dream... "

"...Really, now?" She sounded worried.

"I dreamt that... heh heh... we were all serious and stuff, and I was talking to you and you said you were, heh heh... pregnant, and then, heh, you... pushed me down some stairs... I know it doesn't, heh, sound very funny... but it was hilarious for some reason..."

She frowned. "Okay, first off, I didn't push you down the stairs, you fell. And second..." She looked around, then whispered, "...I really am pregnant."

He looked at her blankly, then laughed sarcastically. "...Okay, so I'm still dreaming. Fine, just don't push me down any stairs again."

She frowned. "No, Ness, I'm serious. You're awake, I'm pregnant... and I didn't push you down the stairs!"

"Yeah, right. I'd get up and do something crazy to disprove you, but I'm still a little tired at the moment..."

"Fine, then this is your wake-up call!" With that, she angrily grabbed a clump of his hair, twisted it, and pulled like she was yanking a weed.

"_**AUUUUGGGGHH!"**_ he yelped, like a dog having his ear pulled. Immediately, he sat up and scowled at her. "...That _hurt_," he growled through clenched teeth.

"Good." She crossed her arms and scowled back. "Maybe it knocked some sense into you."

Puzzled, he blinked. "Are you... Are you mad at me?"

"A little irritated, yes."

He laughed. "Oh, then I know I dreaming."

Exasperated, she sighed. "Ness, really... Stop it. This isn't funny. I'm worried..."

"All right, all right..." He stretched, rubbing his head. "I'm awake then. Are you happy?"

"Well, I will be when you finally get it through your thick skull that I'm having your baby."

Hearing it like that finally made his mind accept it, him shuddering in the process. Way to go, Lucas. He sighed and looked to her again.

"...You sure?"

"...Yes. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive."

"How far along?"

"I don't know." She put a hand on her stomach. "The first time we did it was about a month ago, so maybe that far..."

"You haven't told anybody else, have you?" he suddenly asked, panicking.

"No..."

"..." The two sat in a stunned silence, looking away from each other. This went on until Lucas looked at him pitifully.

"...So... What do we do now?"

"Maybe we can hide it... Say it's something else."

"No, they'll definitely start noticing once I start showing some more." Both hands rubbed her gut protectively. "I think we both know I'm not gonna stay this small..."

That was true, the house was full of idiots, but no one was _that_ stupid. After a few more weeks, they'd start asking some questions for sure.

"I'm thinking I should just go on and tell them. I mean, it was an accident. Accidents happen, right? ...And what's the worse they could do? I'll get in trouble, I know, but at least they won't hurt me."

"Yeah, that part's for me."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed. "'Cuz whenever a girl gets knocked up, it's always the guy's fault, _always_. Even if you pinned me down and made me give it to you, they'd blame this whole mess on me."

"No, I kinda started it, too." She laughed halfheartedly. "You finished it, I'll give you that, but I wanted it and I wanted you to want it, so..."

Oh, that was nice and so not insidious. Sarcasm abound.

"But I'm sure there's a way we can... work around this. We got in this together, and I know we can both get through it together... Right?" She smiled weakly, hoping he'd agree.

He looked at her dubiously. The poor thing looked so piteous and desperate, like she really wanted his support. He felt she was probably panicking on the inside, thinking, now that she was pregnant, he was gonna drop her like a hot potato. That's what usually happened in these cases, so she was right to assume.

Not hearing an enthusiastic answer, he could already see her eyes welling up with tears, face contorting into a look of pure dejection. He could easily say "No" like a jerk; there was nothing stopping him. This was technically her problem, not his. He wasn't gonna be tied down with the baby, she was. He looked away.

...No, he couldn't. He couldn't say no, not to that face, not to her in general. Even if he wanted to dismiss her, just like Lucas didn't have the heart to knee him in the nuts, he didn't have the heart to leave her in such a situation. He already felt like an ass for getting her pregnant. Dare he be even more of one for deserting her 'cuz of the consequences?

He looked back at her to see she was already crying. And not the "Behold my PMS fury!" cry, the soft, sad, you-hurt-my-feelings kind of cry. She hiccupped softly, eyes squeezed shut as the tears rolled down her face like a never-ending stream of sadness. Lucas now refused to look him in the eye, head turned to the side as a hand timidly covered her mouth. Now he really felt bad, like really, really, _really_ bad. Like an ass' ass type of bad, the lowest of the low. Each sound of her hiccups was like a knife to his heart.

Despite still being a crazy girl and a little too unnecessarily violent sometimes, she still has that damning timidity she did from when she was a boy. This was the first time he'd seen it full-blown since then, but it was still there. The poor thing was buried beneath overbearing emotions, chocolate obsession, and estrogen, but it was still there. Oh, if only she'd let it out more often.

Wincing, he tentatively reached up and touched a cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb. Shocked, she opened her damp eyes to look at him, making him bite his lip. He wasn't really good at consoling people, especially pregnant women.

"Listen... Don't cry anymore, okay?" He sighed. "...I'll stay with you... if you really want me to..."

"If you really want me to," he says, like she didn't care either way. Pathetic. Now he was trying to make it look like she was the bad guy here. Fortunately, she didn't seem to notice. Either that or she did, but considered it his pitiful attempt at being sorry.

She sniffled, smiling through the tears. "...R-really?"

"Yeah." He smiled a little to see her smiling. She was really pretty when she smiled. "Really."

"...Do you still love me?"

He really didn't want her to ask that, but if it kept that smile on her face...

"You know I do."

She nuzzled into his hand, overlapping her fingers with it as she did. She was still crying, but Ness could tell it was from relief this time. He felt better himself, knowing even though he wasn't the best influence ever, at least he was willing to take responsibility for his actions. That was more than what could be said for many of the other guys in the house.

...It was then something strange came over him, something he once thought he'd never catch himself doing.

Sitting up in bed, he turned to face her completely, legs hanging off the side. Suddenly having the overwhelming need to hug her, he held out his arms in sympathy. It was so weird, almost like someone else was making him do it. As he tried to figure out why he felt the need to do this, Lucas stepped closer and embraced him, his arms automatically doing the same. From this, the two shared a soft moment of both regret and understanding they couldn't help but express to each other. Ness felt that, even if their relationship had gone a bit too far, it'd take more than something like this to break it up. If anything, it probably made it stronger.

He was in the midst of enjoying their somber optimism when Lucas inhaled deeply and perked up. "Good! 'Cuz that was fake."

"...What?"

"Yeah." She laughed nervously, wiping away the tears and regaining her composure. "See? I'm alright. I'm not really crying. I faked you out 'cuz I wasn't sure if you'd reject me or not."

"..." He frowned, letting go of her.

"The girls taught me how to do it," she went on, offhandedly. "They said to only use it as a last resort, so now's a good a time as ever, huh?"

"..."

She hunched her shoulders playfully. "Besides, even if you'd said no, they would've gotten the whole house after you. I hate to say it, but you really had no choice."

"..." He was truly speechless at her dishonesty. How could someone as... blondely-challenged as her be so crafty? How could someone so gullible, so easy, and so naïve be so cunning? It just didn't make sense! And to make things worse, he found it arousing! He loved how sweet, loving, and hot she was on the outside, only for her inside to be so dirty, underhanded, and malicious. But he didn't know why! Lucas seemed to notice this and smiled wider.

"...So how about we do this..." She gently grabbed his hands and firmly squeezed, a sudden sense of strong intimacy emanating from it. On top of that, she was looking at him quite endearingly. "You can stay with me and the baby, and I'll make sure the others don't give you too much trouble over this. We're both at fault, we both started it, and we'll both take the blame. I won't get off easy 'cuz I'm having the baby, and you won't be accused more 'cuz it's yours."

He had to admit it was nice of her to offer, instead of whining about either child or emotional support. She was actually pretty level-headed over this, more than ready to accept the consequences, and defending his case, no doubt. As ditzy as she was, he'd give her credit for having her heart in the right place.

"...Okay." He finally managed to say. This earned him a kiss on the forehead.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Almost on cue, Mario came in, looking as annoyed as ever. He was probably starting to get tired of not only dealing with Ness, but with everyone in the house falling downstairs. Considering how often they were ascended and descended, falls, concussions, lacerations, and other head injuries were pretty common.

"All right, Ness. Your case checks out," he simply said, writing down something on a clipboard. "You got a pretty bad cut on the side of your head, but it should be healed up soon. Get some rest, no fighting for you tomorrow, and try to be more careful next time. You can go back to your room now."

With that, he left, putting up his doctor's attire for the night. ...Hopefully.

Noticing Ness sneer at him, Lucas took his hand and urged him outta bed. "Come on. Let's go. We've both had a long day..."

Ooh boy, she could say that again.

* * *

The walk back to their room was quiet and awkward. Ness couldn't think of anything to say and Lucas had nothing to say to him. They simply strode along the shortest path to their room, not paying the other a bit of attention. The house was nice and quiet now, as it was a little after midnight; everyone was either asleep or in their rooms, getting ready for bed. Only the occasional R.O.B. made an appearance as they made it back to their quarters.

They went along a certain path, rounded some corners, went through some doors, and eventually arrived at their room. Ness got there first, Lucas trudging behind as always. His first instinct was to go in first, but he got that weird feeling again. Instead of going on in, he opened it wider and waited for Lucas to go through. She seemed surprised at first, but shyly thanked him and went on.

...Again, that was odd. But it felt really good at the same time. Why was suddenly being so considerate to her? Overwhelming pity for knocking her up? No, it felt more personal, like he was doing it just because he... loved her.

_Finally, you're starting to get the hang of this! _said his conscience.

...Maybe, just _maybe_, he was.

The silence continued as Ness went inside and trudged over to find his pajamas. Lucas sat on the bed, playing with her fingers. There was no point in them getting dressed in the bathroom anymore, since they'd seen more of each other than anyone else they knew. Regardless, they still did it. Maybe it was simply a show of respect. Ness was about to enter the bathroom and do just that when he noticed Lucas still sitting on the bed, looking at her shoes.

"...What's wrong?" he asked.

She raised her head and blushed. "I think I'm just gonna sleep in my clothes."

"Why?"

"...I don't wanna wear my pajamas anymore..." she responded, looking to the bureau they were in. "I knew they'd been feeling a little tight, and I just don't feel comfortable wearing them..."

She was right. They hadn't been upgraded like her clothes, so there was a lotta skin showing when she had them on. This didn't used to be a problem, but now that she was pregnant, she probably wanted to start wearing loose, maternity gowns instead of tight, revealing two-piece pajamas. Ness was usually focused on another part of her, so he never really took notice of the apparent lump in her stomach when she wore them.

Sympathizing for her, he rummaged through their closet for a bit until he came out with a housecoat, the same one she used on him after his outside excursion about a month ago. "Here, try this on."

"...Thank you." She smiled, taking it. "You sure are being helpful tonight."

He blushed and pretended not to care, walking off and into the bathroom. He really had to start controlling that.

A few minutes later, he stepped out, clad in his PJs. Lucas was under the covers now, wearing the housecoat. She looked even more pregnant with her lump showing up in bed.

"...Is that better?" he asked, desperate for conversation.

"Yes. I feel like I have more room now..." She crossed her legs and squirmed a bit, making these really weird poses. Ness' guess was she was trying to give the baby some room and get comfortable at the same time.

"Oh, okay." Completely outta things to say, he sighed. "...Well, good night."

"...Good night," she responded.

And that was that. He threw his hat on the bureau and climbed into bed, turning off the light on their nightstand. He turned and tossed until he got into a comfortable position and was about to doze off when he spotted a pair of icy blue eyes looking at him, courtesy of the position of the moon outside the window behind him.

"...Ness?" they asked.

"Yeah?"

"I'm lonely."

"Lucas, I'm right here..." he yawned.

"But I'm still lonely..."

"Why?"

"...I don't know... Can you talk to me? Until I fall asleep?"

"About what?"

"...The baby?"

"..."

"...Pretty please?"

That wasn't exactly his forte. He knew next to nothing about babies. What could he possibly talk about?

Sighing, he gave in. "...What about it?"

She smiled. "I think it'll look like you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Just a feeling. It'll be just like you, I bet."

"Even if it's a girl?"

"Yeah. You've got very strong genes."

He made a face. "I don't think I'd make a very pretty girl..."

"It could be a boy and look like me or be a girl and look like you. That happens sometimes."

"Well, we'll definitely check the gender when it gets here, okay?"

Lucas laughed. "Okay."

"I don't know what happened with you, but I wanna know it's either a boy or a girl from the get-go."

She changed the subject. "What about names?"

"Names?"

"Yeah, we need to think of some."

"Got any in mind?"

"...Vanessa or Lucy if it's a girl, okay?"

He smiled. "And Nestor or Louis if it's a boy."

For some reason, that tickled both of them. Their name choices were so stupid, but so plausible, therefore, it was hilarious.

Getting herself together, Lucas yawned. "I want him to have his own name. No 'second' or 'junior' or anything, okay?"

"Aw, why not?"

"Because it's wasted creativity. He needs his own name."

"Well, if he looks and acts like me, he should be named after me," Ness snorted.

"_She_ might look like you, but might act like me. Think about that."

"What if he looks like you and acts like me? I just know he's gonna get that cowlick."

They both chuckled at that again. There was no way any kid of hers would be getting away without that do.

"...Ow!" suddenly hissed Lucas, wincing.

Startled, Ness asked, "What's wrong?"

"...Cramp. Ow, ow..." She inhaled sharply. "...Ooooh, I think I pulled something laughing..."

"You okay?"

"...No... Ouch, ow, owwww..." After a few more pained grunts and hissing, she finally said, "...Ness, I'm gonna go to bed now. This... really hurts..."

"...You sure you're alright?"

"Don't worry ...It'll pass if I... oooooh, ouch... relax... Ooooouch..."

"Okay..." He couldn't help but sound a little worried.

Her pain and suffering went on for few more seconds as she got comfortable. Fortunately, it soon came to an end with a loud sigh. Her blue eyes now sleepily glistened in the moonlight, no longer squinted in pain.

"...Hey Ness?" she whispered.

"...Yeah?"

"Remember when you said you still loved me earlier?"

"Yeah."

She played with her fingers. "Well, I just wanted to let you know... I still love you, too."

He mentally groaned. And just when he thought she couldn't make him feel any lower.

Feeling he was pretty conflicted with himself, Lucas assured him there were no hard feelings with a soft, "Good night, Ness. Sweet dreams."

It took him a bit, but he finally mustered up the courage to respond with, "...You, too."

* * *

Ness wasn't sure if what Lucas said as he dozed off triggered it, or whether it was their pep talk about the baby, but sure enough, a dream did come to him that night. Although, he deemed it more confusing than sweet.

...

_From how he saw it, the dream started with a shot of Lucas from behind, hands behind her back innocently as she rocked back and forth on her heels. She seemed to be waiting for something, occasionally looking left and right. Unlike the blonde herself, the surroundings were faded and sketchy like an old photograph, but it was obvious she wasn't in Smash Mansion. It appeared she was in a small city of some sort, a lamppost to her right, and several stores and buildings on the other side of the road as she stood on a cement sidewalk. _

_Just then something below her caught her attention. Whoever it was must've said something, because Lucas smiled and wordlessly said something back. It was like watching TV after pressing the mute button._

_The scene then shifted down to show a little boy standing beside her. Small, short, and stubby, he couldn't have been any older than two. From behind, he was dressed strangely like Lucas, having the same shirt, same shorts, same shoes, same... hair? Well, kinda. _

_It was definitely the same cowlick, but was brunette, not blonde. The shirt, although striped, was yellow-and-lavender; his shoes were solely the latter color with lilac tips, bottoms, and shoelaces. ...It was almost like it was mix between Lucas' pink-and-yellow shirt and his blue-and-yellow attire._

_The boy looked to her, appearing worried over something. Lucas squatted to his level and smiled, rubbing his face with more wordless talk. He then turned all the way around, as if looking to someone behind him calling out._

_It was only for a few seconds, but the boy's features were unmistakable; his face was the spitting image of a younger Ness. He was a little on the chubby side and his eyes were especially cobalt like his, too._

_Lucas also perked up towards the distance, but quickly dismissed it. The boy then turned back around and shook his head as if embarrassed. They conversed some more until Lucas, being the Good Samaritan she was, managed to say something that pleased the little guy._

_The boy happily suggested something, to which Lucas smiled and took his hand. Looking both ways in the road before them, they merrily crossed the road, looking to one another with bright smiles one last time before the dream ended. _

...

"Aah!" Startled, Ness jolted up in bed. He immediately looked to see if Lucas was sleeping, which she was, head under her pillow. It was still dark out, the nightstand clock reading 3:08am.

Sighing, he massaged his temples and laid back down. That dream left him confused, but shocked.

That kid... He looked just like him, but... he had Lucas' hair... Could he've been...? Was he their kid? The one Lucas was carrying right at that moment? And if he was, how'd he see him so clearly? Had he just seen something in the future, or did his mind make up the kid's looks solely based on guesses? Where were they, and if the kid was theirs, why wasn't he himself in the dream? Was he the one talking to them off-screen?

...Moreover, why wasn't he trying to get back to sleep and dream about it some more? He decided to try and resolve that problem first. Unfortunately, it never resurfaced, leaving Ness to wonder if it was a dream or wishful thinking...

* * *

The next day, both were up bright and early, getting to breakfast on Lucas' schedule. Ness rarely saw what went on during the most important meal of the day and what went on today didn't make telling what they'd done any easier.

Nearly everyone in the house was there, eating, arguing, blowing stuff up, trying to start food fights, fighting, and just making a mess in general. This usually would've been fun to sit back and watch, but not today. Not with what they were about to tell them...

The two sat at a table together, somehow feeling distant from the rest of the room. It was like they were in their own little world of troubles. Had things not been so hectic, several people would've noticed how sad and bothered they looked, sitting as close as they could together on one side of the table, looking on in trepidation.

Ness himself was mostly worried about the Idiot Brigade. They already hated him for rooming with Lucas, being with Lucas, and banging Lucas. And they now had something more to add to their hate for him. He could only imagine what they had in store for him when they found out he'd sealed their relationship permanently by knocking her up. Fortunately, he didn't see them in there at the moment, not even Pit was about. Then again, Mario, Wario, and Lucario were missing, too, so it was probably dumb luck.

Under the table, Ness felt Lucas reach over and give his hand a hard squeeze. He looked to see her biting her lip.

"I'm a little scared," she whispered.

Her doing this reminded him of the dream last night. Now wasn't exactly the best time to bring it up, so he simply squeezed back. "...Me, too."

This made her smile a little, knowing he shared in her insecurity. He looked down at the now-cold food before them. Lucas hadn't so much as touched her plate.

"You didn't eat your food..." he said.

"You didn't eat yours, either," she replied.

It was true. His stomach was in knots and refused to be hungry. Something told him if he did eat, he'd throw it back up. Oh great, he was starting to share her morning sickness.

She sighed. "...Should we tell them now?"

They'd made a promise to spill the beans after they finished eating, but since neither had the appetite, they might as well.

"Yeah. Who're you gonna tell, or do we just blurt it out?"

Lucas panicked at that option. "N-no! I want this to ease out. We need to tell someone we trust, someone who'll take this easy and pass it on to everyone else..."

He shrugged, as all the boys in the house hated him, men weren't the best people to spill this kinda thing to, and the women were on a whole different level.

"...I guess the best person to tell would be Peach. She's a very understanding sort and she'll be discrete about this, I know it."

"Well, you'll hafta tell her then."

"Okay, okay..." She looked to him longingly. "Will you come with me?"

"...Yeah."

She smiled. It felt good to know that something like a simple "yes" could make her so happy.

Giving his hand another squeeze, she carefully stood, pulling him with her. Both searched the area for the pink princess until Ness spotted her fussing at Wolf for throwing a pie in Olimar's face.

"...There she is," morbidly said Ness.

"Wonderful," morbidly said Lucas.

She took a deep breath and swallowed, slowly approaching the princess. They were still holding hands, so Ness had to follow. This time, he found himself giving her palm an encouraging squeeze, which seemed to relax her slightly as they neared.

"...And don't let me catch you wasting condiments ever again, Wolf! I'm serious this time!" she spat at the retreating canine.

Getting to her, Lucas frowned. "...Uh, good morning, Peach..."

She turned, her frown quickly becoming a grin. "Oh, good morning, Lucas! And Ness? Well, fancy seeing you here! Never thought I'd see the day Mr. Sleepyhead actually attends breakfast." Looking down, she noticed they were holding hands. "Aw, what a gentleman. Escorting Lucas around, are we?"

Immediately, Ness blushed and turned away. He had absolutely nothing to say to her.

Lucas cleared her throat. "...Peach, can I talk to you for a minute?"

She smiled. "Sure, Lucas. What's on your mind?"

"Well, see, it's kinda personal..."

"...Uh huh..."

"..._Very_ personal..."

"Yes...?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...?"

Lucas sighed at her blondeness. "...It's a lady thing."

"Oh. Oh! Oh, oh. I see..." She leaned over. "Why don't you just whisper it to me, then?"

Lucas shuffled uncomfortably, finally sighing and leaning over to whisper. She barely got the words of her dirty little secret out before Peach reared back, horrified.

"_**PREGNANT?!"**_

Everything came to screeching halt as she blurted it out. Everyone in the room turned and gasped, eyes wide and mouths dropped open at her outburst. Occasional glasses and plates were the only things heard in the suddenly silent room, being dropped and broken out of pure shock.

Ness snorted. So much for being discrete.

"...Oh heh heh heh hah hah hah HAH!" Captain Falcon laughed, breaking the silence. He gave him two thumbs up. "Rock _on_, man!"

"Y-you're kidding, right?" laughed Peach, in denial. "If this is a joke, i-it isn't funny, you two..."

"It's not a joke," sighed Lucas, rubbing her stomach for emphasis. "I took a test and it was positive, so..."

"..." Peach still looked like it hadn't sunk in yet. "B-But that's impossible! You... The only way you could get pregnant is if you were..."

("Bow-chica-wow-wow!") laughed Pikachu, doing the corresponding dance on a table.

"NO!" she spat, hurling a Vegetable at the mouse, knocking him off. "That can't be true! It just can't be!" She grabbed Lucas' shoulders. "Not you, Lucas! Not sweet, cute, loveable, adorable little you! Please tell me you're kidding!"

"We don't feel like kidding today," flatly said Ness, tired of her making such a scene.

"Huh..." said Snake, under his box. "Someone let the snake out of its cage... And it bit off more than it could chew of the forbidden fruit..."

Ness glared daggers at him. Had he not been holding Lucas' hand, he would've set the box ablaze.

Finally getting it through her thick skull, Peach closed her eyes, inhaling sharply. The look of horror on her face melted into a smile, so... was that good? Turning to Ness, she put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard as her face twitched. No, that wasn't good. It was bad, very bad.

"Ness..." she seethed, squeezing to the point where it was starting to hurt. "Now... I always saw you and Lucas as a cute little couple. The way you both relate to each other, you playing games together, and how one was never without the other... You two were adorable... " She opened her eyes, showing gritted teeth. "...But now I see there was much more going on behind the scenes."

"It was an accident, I swear," he quickly said.

"Exactly, and you're going to pay for it, big time. You, sir, are in very, very big trouble."

He literally shrank under her oddly calm rage. "B-but Lucas... S-she said she consigned... cosigned... constrained...?"

Dammit! What did she say she did?! Peach's evil womanly rage was making him forget! He couldn't remember! What was it called, the thing where she gave him permission to make out with her?!

No sooner had he thought that, Lucas held up her end of the bargain and came to his rescue.

"Peach, please," she pleaded, wrapping arms around his back from behind. It would've been more comforting had it not been for the beach ball poking him in the back. "Don't be mad at him. He didn't mean it!"

"Whether he meant to or not, he should've been more responsible when having relations with you!" She jammed an angry finger in his face. "And such an imitate affair shouldn't have been going on in the first place! Now look at what's happened!"

Again with the anger towards him. And the girls said guys were sexist... Luckily, Lucas was still true to her word.

"But it was an accident, like he said! Besides, I consented; it was my fault, too."

Consented! That was it! She did that crap!

"He's sorry," she went on, "and he'll help me out with the baby! Honestly! Won't you, Ness?"

"...Yeah, gimme a chance to redeem myself here," he simply said, afraid to get too animated.

That seemed to calm her down, as she put her hands on her hips. "Well, I personally don't have much say in the matter. That's up to Master Hand."

Ness scowled. Then what the hell was that, putting him on the spot like that? If he had to be in trouble, let him be in trouble with who he was supposed to be in trouble with! The wrath of a giant, floating appendage was a hell of a lot better than that of a woman.

"But I'm sure you both know I'll have to tell him, right?" she went on. "And I'm sure he won't be too happy..."

Yes, they knew! What, like anyone in the house wanted this to happen?! Jeez, rub it in, why don'tcha?!

Regardless, they both answered with a nod of their heads.

"Good." She gently grabbed Lucas' shoulder. "Now, first off... Sweetie, I suggest you go sit down. It's not good for you to be standing up so much when you're pregnant. Start taking it easy, get plenty of fluids, and make sure you eat a big breakfast. Remember, you're eating for two now."

"Yes, ma'am," she obediently answered.

She glared at Ness. "And as for you, I expect you to be true to your word and look out for Lucas from now on. No messing around and no playing rough, alright? She's having a baby, so treat her like that."

He scoffed. "Yeah, sure, whatever..."

Peach made it known she wasn't too fond of that answer, angrily jabbing her parasol into his chest. "I _mean_ it. You already screwed up once, _don't_ do it again."

Ooooooh, "I _mean_ it, I'm _so_ serious, I set women back about 400 years, blah, blah, blah!" He had a good notion to set that parasol ablaze, too. Sheesh, what was with the arsonist in him today? Lucas, on the other hand, stayed tensed up until Peach left, sighing loudly upon her departure.

She looked to Ness. "That went better than I thought."

"If by that, you mean it was a total disaster, I agree."

"Okay, well, she took it a little harder than I thought, but I feel much better now that it's out. Besides," She grabbed his hands, "at least we've still got each other."

Ness was about to respond to that, but found himself unable to, due to the loud, wavering, _"Oooooooooooooooooooh!"_ coming from all sides. Everyone in the room was now crowded around them, stupid smiles and grins on their faces. Oh, great...

"You guys really went all the way?" asked Fox, smirking. He gave him a thumbs up. "Good show! Didn't think you had it in you."

Luigi turned his head. "...Did it hurt?"

"Was she... the man sometimes?" whispered Marth.

"I bet you had her on a leash, huh?" guffawed Ganondorf. "Or was it the other way around?"

"What'd you do together?!" excitedly asked Dedede. "Don't spare the details!"

Bowser raised an eyebrow. "How many times'd you do it?"

"What'd her boobs look like?!" panted Captain Falcon. "Were they nice and squishy, the kind you can ride it out on?"

Link was ecstatic to ask, "Did you guys get oral? Tell me you guys got oral!"

"Did you two 69?" questioned Falco.

"Did you ever fall asleep on her?" snorted Wolf.

"Did you try doggy style?" asked Sonic. "I heard if you can do that, you've got some skill."

Ike tried not to look interested, but just had to ask, "...You two ever try role-playing?"

("Did you get it on like me?!") asked Donkey Kong.

("Or me?!") cackled Diddy, the two high-fiving.

The two blushed, utterly embarrassed. What a buncha assholes. Shouldn't they at least offer _some_ condolences, not make fun of them? Ness was willing to bet they were just jealous because they actually hit it off.

"Stop it!" suddenly demanded Zelda, coming over to kick Link in the face. Everyone busted out laughing as he hit the floor. "What's so funny?! Leave them alone!"

Seeing everyone was still laughing like a buncha lunatics, Samus smacked Ike, Bowser, and Sonic upside the heads with her gun. This got everyone else's attention, so they zipped it.

She cocked it. "Show's over, guys. I suggest you all return to your seats. _Now_."

Taking her a little more seriously than Zelda, they backed off and obeyed, but not without sneakily grinning at Ness and Lucas one last time as they did.

"Wow. Thanks, you two," said Lucas, smiling. "We really needed that."

"Sure thing. While we're not exactly proud of what you've done, you don't deserve nearly as much ridicule," said Zelda. "At least not from them, anyway. Master Hand's a different story..."

Ness frowned. And thanks again for shattering their weakened confidence once more.

"Yeah, I think you better leave," said Samus, looking around shiftily. "At least until the air clears in here."

"Good, let's go," growled Ness, yanking Lucas along to leave. Unfortunately, she refused.

She twisted her legs. "...Ness, I need to go to the bathroom..."

"You go can go when we get back to the room."

"I don't think I can make it..."

He facepalmed. "Lucas..."

"But I need to go now!"

"Why didn't you go before we got here?"

"It just hit me. I think Peach scared up the urge."

He sighed. "...Fine, just make it quick, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled. "Thank you."

Lucas released his hand and was about to scurry off to tinkle when she must've had a blonde moment and pecked Ness on the cheek.

"_**AAAAAAAAGGGGH!"**_ he bellowed in disgust, scowling. Could she've chosen to do that at a worse time?! Seeing as the cat was already outta the bag, she probably did it to get some attention.

Regardless, that little act of stupidity brought about hoots, hollers, and whooping from nearly every male in the room. The only exceptions were R.O.B., who couldn't compute such emotions, Yoshi, who was blissfully unaware of the sexiness of the situation, and Olimar and Meta Knight, who both seemed pretty disgusted by the whole thing. He noticed Jigglypuff refused to acknowledge any of them, acting as if nothing had happened and everyone was an idiot except for her. Meanwhile, Samus and Zelda thought the little kiss was kinda cute. Of _course_.

Ness angrily wiped his cheek with the back of his hand like a five-year-old who'd been kissed by a girl. Tired of being judged, he decided to make a hasty retreat, as well. He really had to have a talk with the blonde about when and when not to do that...

* * *

Lucas was already in the girl's bathroom, after a little indecision on whether to go in there or the boys'. Since she'd been going into the guy's bathroom all this time, but was now a girl, it didn't really matter anymore, thus allowing her to go into whichever she chose. Lucas had mixed feelings on both, familiar with the men's, but more fitted with the women's. She finally chose the girls', due to the fact it usually smelled better and was all-around cleaner.

It felt so good to finally relieve herself after being so tense all morning. She actually had the urge to go earlier, but was so nervous about the baby, couldn't. Her appetite was starting to come back, too, as she'd gotten a sudden craving for chicken sandwiches... again. It was the same as yesterday; she felt she couldn't get enough of them. She didn't know why something like that, but she didn't usually eat them, and she _was_ pregnant...

While thinking, she heard the door open and close. The blonde assumed it was Peach, come to provide some more tips on what to do about her expectant state. It was a little awkward to converse while she was on the toilet, so she'd deal with her when she was done.

...It was then something suddenly caught Lucas' eye, something in her peripheral vision too big to ignore. Looking up and to her right, she shrieked, seeing a smiling Red peeking over the side of the stall... and her with her undies still down.

"_**R-RED!"**_ She scrambled to cover herself. _"What're you doing in here?! W-what're you doing up there?! Get down, go away!"_

Smiling, he arched his eyebrows, puckering his lips to make kissing noises. "Hey there. I just saw you making a 100-yard-dash in here, so I wanted to make sure you were alright. And I can see now that you're fine. _Very_ fine."

"Red, get down! I need some privacy! The nerve! Stop it!" she spat.

"Okay, okay. No need to shout. Whatever you wish." Still eyeing her intensely, he slid down.

Sighing from such a fright, Lucas placed a nervous hand on her chest. Stupid Red, scaring her like that. Heaven forbid she have a miscarriage 'cuz of his idiocy.

Apparently, Red might've been trying to do that, as the stall door opened, the trainer sticking his head in. Lucas was in such a hurry, she forgot to lock it. Of course, she shrieked again.

"_**RED!"**_

"What? You said to get down, and I did." He made a face and tried to tilt to see... a certain something. "Just checkin' you out in full, y'know?"

Furious, Lucas pulled everything up and leapt up to slap him, hard. The impact echoed loudly for what seemed like forever. It was so fast, she did it before she even knew what happened. Not shockingly, instead of being mad, Red just smiled, wincing as he ran a hand across the reddened spot.

"Nice shot. I'm gonna be feeling this tomorrow."

"_**Move!"**_ She shoved him away, getting outta the stall and leaning against a wall, heaving angrily. _**"...What is wrong with you?!"**_

"Nothing, but thank you for asking."

"Red, you can't do that! I... I... I know you like me, but that's... That's just taking it too far!"

"I don't know the meaning of the word."

"Huh, that's funny. And here I thought you read every single thesaurus in the house."

His grin widened. "Touché. Although I can assure you I really have done that, that doesn't change the fact that I'll be never be able to sum up how scrumptious you are in any amount of words.

"That's nice." She tried to leave, but Red got in front of her and leaned on the wall.

"Come on now, Luke. What's the hurry? Where's the fire? Can't you stay and chat a little with your good ol' pal, Red?"

"Well, not in here, anyway." She tried to go around. "Besides, Ness is waiting for me."

He grabbed her arm, pulling her back. "Screw Ness. He's not the boss of me, and he's certainly not the boss of you. You can take as long as you want in here and he can't do squat."

She pulled. "But I don't wanna make him wait..."

He pulled back. "Let 'em wait. What's he gonna do?"

She pulled harder. "Red, that's rude..."

He whisked her back and behind him so he was blocking her again. Right where he wanted her, he began to advance on the blonde.

He outstretched an arm, seedily stroking her face. "Why don't we forget about Ness for a second? It's always 'Ness this' and 'Ness that'... Where's the love for the Pokémon Trainer?"

She put his arm down, only for it to continue playing with her face and hair. She put it down again, angrily jerking away. "Listen, I already told you I'm interested in Ness, okay? I'm sorry, but he's who I chose. We can still be friends, but... not like that."

"Oh, why go with him when you've got a choice like me? I'm bigger, stronger, smarter, handsomer, and way more into you than Ness'll ever be."

"Well, you _are_ bigger..." He beamed at that, thinking she meant what was in his pants. "But I think that's all we can agree on. I'll admit Ness is a bit of a knucklehead, but he's got a good heart, and he's very strong when he needs to be. Despite what you may think, he's maturing a lot, and I _know_ he loves me as much as I love him."

Red turned his nose up. "Does he ever say that?"

She smiled. "He doesn't have to; I can sense it."

"Well, that's only 'cuz you haven't tried the best." He pointed a thumb at himself, continuing to advance. "I'll make you a very happy girl."

Feeling corned, Lucas recoiled. "Red, no. Stop it..."

"Just gimme a chance here," he said, voice sultry. "You've never given me one, y'know."

"Can we talk about this later?" she groaned, looking away. "You're not supposed to be in here..."

"There's no time like the present."

"Well, not in here."

Once more, she made an effort to get away, but Red wasn't letting her go that easy. What bothered her most was how stern, yet calm he was being in keeping her from freedom, all while inching her closer and closer to the corner of the bathroom. After a light tiff, Lucas quickly found herself against the wall, Red hovering over her. He stroked her face again, more eager this time, which only made her tense up.

"...You're very pretty, Lucas," he breathed, looking at her intensely. "Has anyone ever told you that?"

She squirmed. "...Yes."

"You really are." His ran his fingers through her hair. "You're so pretty. Very pretty. ...A very pretty girl."

"..." Saying Lucas looked disgruntled would've been an understatement.

His hand trailed down to play with her shirt collar, giving her breasts a light squeeze before descending to grope her midsection. Further down it went, making Lucas cringe as she felt his fingers dip into her shorts, still unbuttoned and hanging off her hips from earlier. Afraid to do anything, she could only watch in pent-up frustration as he went about, scoping out each and every part of her.

It wasn't long before it gently ran across her distended stomach, which made him laugh. "And you're still teeming, too."

Remembering that, she bit her lip. "Actually, there's a reason for that..."

"Shh, you don't have to explain." He scooped her into his arms, taking her chin in his hand. "You'll never have to explain anything ever again..."

"...Red," she pleaded, "whatever you're thinking about doing, please don't—"

Due to circumstances beyond her control, Lucas was never able to finish that sentence.

* * *

Ugh, what was it with women and them taking so long in the bathroom? Powdering their noses? Bullcrap! Sure, they couldn't zip in and out like guys, but holy crap, you'd think they had a second home in there.

Ness was tired of waiting for Lucas and decided to go check on her. Yes, the girls' bathroom was a dangerous place for the likes of him to tread, but if Lucas was still in there, things couldn't get that bad.

Annoyed, he stepped in, vision partially covered with a hand in fear he would see something he wasn't supposed to.

"Uh, Lucas?" he asked, head turned, slightly peeking through parted fingers. "Are you done yet? It shouldn't take this long to take a pi—"

He immediately dropped his hand and looked straight forward, forgetting all about his earlier fear and why he wasn't supposed to. This would usually be from something that'd give him a nosebleed, but this time was an exception. A big one.

Ness had never really known how it felt to kill anybody. Dismember, yeah. Pummel, sure. Triumph over, most definitely, but not flat-out kill or murder. Something told him today would be the day he finally found out. And not just figuratively either, the real kind; the blood everywhere, guts strewn all over the place kind. And why exactly was that?

Before him stood Red and Lucas, the two intertwined with each other. Red's arms were wrapped around Lucas' back and waist, heatedly groping her up and down while she was pinned to the wall with a kiss. Face riddled with pain and confusion, she clung to his shirt from behind, familiar with these motives, but not from him. The muffled noises and groans they made were enough to make Ness wish he were deaf. During the embrace, a wayward hand slipped into her undone shorts and undies, carefully trying to inch them down as Lucas voiced her discomfort with a sudden yelp and sharp jerk.

The other psychic had seen more than enough. The only thing he was conflicted with now was how he'd go about making Red wish he was never born.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Lol, sorry to all who wanted to see the Idiot Brigade's reactions, but the chapter got too long, so I had to write them out. Don't worry, you'll see them next chapter, though. Hopefully, this cliffhanger was even better. ...Also, Mario, Wario, and Lucario missing in the lunchroom was a reference to a song on YouTube. I suggest you look it up. Yay._


	17. Fighting for the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**: **__Augh, AGAIN this chapter got too long, so the Idiot Brigade will hafta wait until later. At least they'll find out about Lucas' little accident though._

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 17:**__ Fighting for __the Undeniable_

* * *

Red had to be the sloppiest kisser on the face of any planet he'd ever graced. Either that, or he was really hungry for Lucas. Ah, who was he kidding? It was both.

But what did Ness care? He decided the deed had already been done. He was gonna let Red have his fun before he made sure that was last kiss he ever had, ever. Watching him envelope Lucas was no longer a pain to watch, just a means of making him all the madder.

After what seemed like forever, Red took his disgusting lips off Lucas, smiling. The blonde, flushed, only looked at him in fear and confusion, somehow fearing their action's consequences.

"See? Now _that_ was a kiss. Bet ol' Ness could never give you one of those."

"...Red, I didn't like that..." she whispered, shaking her head.

"It's okay. That was only the appetizer. Besides..." He took to focusing on getting those shorts down further. "I'm sure Ness was doing it all wrong. You'll get used to it."

No sooner had he said that, a fist plowed into his jaw, sending him plummeting to the floor. Startled, Lucas jumped back and got outta the way as Ness towered over the trainer, heaving angrily.

Coming to his senses, Red sat up, tending to a bleeding mouth. "Ah, I should've guessed. Ness, the party-pooper has come once again to lead us all astray."

"Get out," he demanded. No lip or threats today, he just wanted him outta his face and away from Lucas.

Red stood, smirking crookedly, a hand rubbing his jaw. "Ooh, such big words from such a... little contender."

"_Get... out,"_ he repeated, now seething.

"And I have to say, your timing is impeccable." He turned to Lucas. "See what I mean? There's no way he could've come in here by chance. I'll bet he's been spying on you. Probably doesn't trust you as far as he can throw you."

"_**Get out!" **_he roared, fed up with being ignored.

"Y'know... Last time I checked, only Master Hand can tell us what to do. Not even Crazy Hand has that privilege, and he's supposed to be stronger." He stepped closer to him, leaning over so his face was inches from his. "So why should I listen to you?"

Ness answered with the best thing he could at that point, a glob of spit to the face. Almost immediately, Red smacked him upside the head, causing his hat to fly off and land at a terrified Lucas' feet. The blonde looked to the fallen cap, then back up to see her two most fervent suitors scrambling. It was like watching a pair of bucks fight for the last doe in the forest.

And it wasn't a "you punch, I punch" or "I do a fancy special move, you do a fancy special move" kinda thing like it was in a brawl; this was just all out-and-out fighting. Fist-throwing, hand-slapping, grabbing, tussling, punching, grunting, growling, shouting, the whole shebang.

For someone who sent his comrades into battle all the time, Ness had to wonder why this guy didn't qualify for the tournament himself. He always thought he had some nerve coming in there like he was the reason he'd been invited when his horde of innocent animal slaves did all the work. Now that he knew he had the skills to back up his overinflated ego, it made him even more of an ass for abusing his Pokémon. Seriously, either Red was really good or he was just sucking. And since Ness was too pissed to do any amount of sucking today, he ruled out the latter.

The two continued to scrap, pushing and shoving each other into something so they could get the upper hand. Ness tried slamming Red into the stalls by ramming him in the stomach, but trainer stopped him while he was doubled over and proceeded to hold and punch him mercilessly in the stomach. It was fast and hard, barely giving Ness time to recover from having the wind knocked outta him. He finally tackled Red, sending both to the floor as the fight continued.

He did the same motion to him as payback, but to the face instead, just punching as hard as he could to knock out every single one of his teeth like he threatened last night. This delightful bliss didn't last long, as Red managed to throw him off, now pinning him to the floor. He was poised to punch Ness in the face when he managed to scramble away. Unfortunately, Red grabbed a hold of his shirt and jammed a fist into his ribs twice before he stood.

Ness came back and pounced on him, the two scrapping until he got Red in a headlock, letting loose another punching assault to the face. They went around and around like they were conjoined for a bit until Red broke free, allowing Ness to whack him across the face again. Red charged at him, the two locking fists and struggling before Ness let go, allowing him to get closer, then knocking him back with a headbutt.

Seeing Red was dazed, Ness took this opportunity to grab his doubled-over figure, lift him up as much as he could, and plow him to the floor. Red scrunched up in what he thought was defeat until he realized he was coiling up like a spring to attack. An uppercut went right into what might've been his spleen, causing him to stumble back.

Red grabbed his shoulders and threw him into the side of a stall, standing ready as he toppled to the floor. Ness tried to trip him up by grabbing one of his legs, but Red swiftly kicked him in the face, sending him back to the ground. Again, he stumbled to get up and punch him, but Red grabbed his arm and yanked him forward, kneeing him sharply in the stomach. Ness retaliated with a heavy slug to the face with his other arm. The trainer quickly released his right arm and grabbed the one he just punched with, twisted it around, and swung him to the floor, dislocating it. Pain was nothing of an issue at that point, but such a heavy impact with the hard tiled floor was the official end of the fight.

...He slowly and painfully rolled over to try and get up once more, but had no stamina to do so. Trembling, he struggled to at least get off the floor, but failed. Desperate, he tried this three more times before his strength evaporated completely, letting his body drop to the floor in an agonizing defeat.

That was it, he was finished, done. He couldn't get up. Every inch of him had been pushed way past its point and all he could do now was let the hard, cold floor sting his throbbing underside in shame of his loss.

Victorious, Red groggily stood, breathless and laughing. "Heh heh... hah... Hah...! Not so... Not so big now, huh?"

Indeed, he wasn't, lying on the floor like a crumpled, discarded soda can. Even if he had the power to get up, his dislocated arm kept him rooted to the floor, his only working arm being too sore to use.

Despite him losing, it was obvious he'd left more than a mark on his adversary. He looked up to see both Red's nose and mouth were bleeding, clothes stained with blood, he had a black eye, crooked jaw, both arms were bruised, and one of his legs didn't align with the other.

He coughed up some blood, wiping it off like it was nothing. "Well... I guess that's... that... huh, Ness? The best... man won... right? T-that'll teach you to... to... mess around with me again..." He staggered over to Lucas, proudly cupping his prize's face in a hand. "Hey, uh, I'll... I'll see you later, Luke. We'll catch up after I've... cleaned up a bit, heh heh."

As an added slap to the face, he pulled her into another kiss. This one was even worse than the last, not because of its length or execution, but because there was nothing Ness could do to stop him. Letting go, he tickled her chin with a grin and stumbled out.

...The bathroom remained completely silent as he left, the only sound echoing within its walls being Ness' labored breathing and occasional coughing. Poor, confused Lucas was left alone to clean up the mess that was her friend, lover, and unborn child's father. As much pain as he was now in, Ness still felt sorry for her for having to see that. Probably traumatized her.

Finally, Lucas came to her senses, grabbed his fallen hat, and went over to him. "...Ness?"

He coughed in response, totally spent from the previous fight.

"Can you get up?"

"...I don't think so..." he wheezed. He tried to raise himself up with his working arm, his strength failing him again as he fell back to the floor.

Lucas noticed this and asked, "...What's wrong with your arm?"

He winced, looking at the limp noodle that was his left arm. "I think he dislocated it..."

"Try moving your hand."

Albeit painfully, Ness managed to move his hurt arm's hand. "...Ow."

"Okay, good. He didn't dislocate it, just pulled something probably."

"Just as well. Probably shoulda ripped the whole thing off," he grumbled, turning away in shame.

"Come on, Ness. Don't be so down in the mouth about it," said Lucas, rubbing a shoulder. "I don't care that you lost. No one ever said I'd go steady with whoever won."

"Well, that's not how it's supposed to work..."

She carefully took his head in her hands. "Well, I don't care if you never won a fight again. I love you for you, and winning and losing fights aren't gonna change that. I know it probably hurts now, but you can't win them all. Trust me, it'll pass."

"..." He wasn't exactly convinced.

"You think I'd be willing to do this if I didn't care about you?"

She leaned down to kiss him, but Ness abruptly stopped her. Her feelings looked hurt for a moment until he explained. "I'm sorry, but... you need to take a shower or something." He looked away in disgust. "You got Red all over you."

"...Oh." She grimaced. "Ew, I guess I do. But you need to be cleaned up, too."

"Yeah, we've both got him all over us. He's like a disease," he joked.

They shared a light a chuckle at that, Lucas grabbing Ness' good arm afterwards.

"...Come on. Let's go." She put his hat back on his head. "If you get caught in here, we'll never hear the end of it."

It took a few struggling tries, but she finally managed to lift Ness up, helping him to his feet. Getting his raggedy figure together, he sighed, still holding onto Lucas.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm good..." he answered, shuddering in pain. Getting over it, he quietly asked, "Hey, Lucas?"

"Huh?"

Pretty much defeated, he put his head on her shoulder. "...Thanks."

She returned the action, putting her head on his. "You're welcome."

* * *

It was a long, shameful, half-walk, half-limp back to their room and the pain of the fight was making itself known now. Ness began to realize how sore he was, wincing in pain from the slightest wrong movement. It was a good thing Lucas was there to help and even better luck they only passed people who could've cared less as to why he was limping. Just some R.O.B.s, Game and Watch, and a cardboard box he thought Snake might've been under.

They finally made it back to their adobe, where Ness decided he was too good for a crutch and stood up by himself.

Lucas was ready to protest. "Ness..."

"I'm fine. I've got it," he muttered, lying through his teeth.

"You sure?"

"...Yeah." No sooner had he said that, he stepped inside and fell flat on his face. "...Ow."

"Maybe you should get some rest," advised Lucas, helping him sit on his bed. "Just forget all about this. Watch some TV, play some games, whatever. Do something that'll get your mind off of things, okay?"

"Okay..." he answered, getting comfortable. He was in the midst of flexing his hurt arm when he noticed Lucas leave. Wanting the support, he perked up, "Wait, where're you going?"

"To take a shower like you said. You don't want Red all over you, right?"

He shuddered at the thought. Red wasn't above starting something with him, either. The bastard...

"Uh, yeah, all right then..."

She entered the bathroom, leaving the door ajar as Ness took to licking his wounds. Upon closer inspection, he noticed he was fortunate to've been more hurt than bloodied like Red. His midsection was the most tender, bruised from having to endure several rounds of fierce punching. Like Lucas said earlier, his "dislocated" arm wasn't so dislocated, only pulled. It hurt to lift, but he could manage to move it at least. His face also smarted from some assault, but taking his other injuries into account, that was all. Everything else was merely a result of tasting defeat... or being slammed into the floor. That could've been a factor, too.

It was then he heard the water turn on, it becoming a shower's spray and the curtain swish twice; once for Lucas to get in, and again to keep the water in. The door was left slightly ajar, taunting him with the quickly-steaming inside. ...He _was_ starting to get a little lonely...

Curious and wanting, he approached and opened the door further, inviting himself in. From the entrance, he could see Lucas' silhouette merrily washing herself behind the smooth, blue shower curtain. She was currently doing her hair from the looks of it. He wandered a little closer, just to see—

_Aw, c'mon, stop it,_ input his conscience. _Leave her alone and do what she said. Relax, watch TV, and all that crud. _

But he wanted to see her...

_Not in the shower! Have some dignity!_

What dignity? Red killed it this morning.

_Well, she doesn't think so, so stop what you're doing, turn around, and walk back outta here before you lose it with her, too._

After he got a little peek of her...

_Aurgh..._

Ness carefully stepped up so he was right next to the curtain, peeking around the corner to see the blonde. She looked so carefree and serene, her back turned to him as she happily dealt with her soapy hair. He was having a ball watching her until her arms dropped, hugging her chest insecurely and looking to the side. She must've sensed she was being watched, as her eyes slowly trailed from the bottom of the shower curtain, up, and towards something in her peripheral vision.

The two locking eyes, she screamed. _"N-Ness! What're you doing in here?!"_

"Watchin' you." He grinned.

"_Well, get out! I need some privacy!"_

"Why? I'm just watching..."

She groaned in defeat of such an innocent answer. "But..."

"Besides, this is making me feel better."

"...Really?"

"Yeah. Losing to Red... doesn't seem to bother me anymore." And it really didn't, considering what his consolation prize was.

"...You sure?"

"Uh-huh. Just turn around and pretend I'm not even here. I won't do anything."

"Promise?" she pouted.

"Promise."

"...Okay." Watching him over her shoulder for a second, she eventually went back to bathing.

Despite her nonchalant take on him watching, Ness could practically feel how edgy she was. She washed herself awkwardly, unable to do it freely before his gazing eyes. Eventually, she sighed and managed to at least try and carry on with her shower, but the poor thing looked so pitiful and forced while doing so. ...And he didn't like her to look like that. It reminded him of Red trying to force himself on her. This went on for a few agonizing minutes before he felt the need to comfort her, despite what the consequences may yield.

Ness knew he promised not to bug Lucas, but he just couldn't keep it. Stupid lack of willpower. Almost as if under a trance, he inched closer until he was forced to pull back the shower curtain to get a better view. Hearing it slowly swish back, Lucas turned and frowned.

"Ness, no!" she growled, tensing up. "Stop it, had I've enough assault—"

He stopped her with a kiss. It was fast, random, and unpredicted; he had no idea why he did it. In doing so, he accidently pushed her back a little until both their heads were under the warm stream of water coming from the showerhead. The experience was gratifying, like nothing he'd ever done with her before. The shower seemed to pressure their embrace with the lack of air, yet its countless pelting of hot water enticed them to keep it going as long as they could. Had he been a poet or something, he would've written a sonnet about how soothingly steamy and coaxing the water was, or about how wonderful it was to feel each other's hot, drenched hair stick one another's face.

...But he wasn't much of a writer, so he just had to sum the moment up all in one word: awesome.

When he finally decided to let go, he was met with a confused Lucas. The water made her cowlick fall quite a bit, making her look like a whole different person. He'd never seen it wet before.

"...What was that?" she breathlessly asked.

"...Permission to come aboard," he answered, intentions sultry.

She regarded him for a moment, then smiled. "Permission grated."

Returning it, he tossed his clothes aside and happily joined her faster than she could say, "Come on in, the water's fine!" What followed had to be the best shower he'd ever had, _ever_.

* * *

In contrast to Ness last night, now it was Red's turn to be on Cloud Nine. It'd been a while since the fight and he'd gotten himself cleaned up since then. Despite this, he still sported his black eye and limp, which was good, just so people could ask what happened. Unfortunately, not many seemed to care. They probably just assumed he fell down the stairs or something, as that was usually the case in limping and, more often than not, black eyes.

He didn't care either way. All that mattered to him was that he'd whooped Ness' ass, Lucas saw, and she was sure to've been impressed. Poor girl was speechless afterwards, so that had to be it. Besides, he'd shown her once and for all he was the way to go in terms of serious relationship; she'd drop Ness faster than a Gooey Bomb and they'd be getting it on by that evening at the latest. Oh, yeah. Life was good.

As cocky as ever, he swaggered/limped around, looking to spread news of his triumph to anyone who so much as looked intrigued. While doing this, he eventually came across Toon Link sitting at a table, his head down. He smirked. Although they were still competing for Lucas' affection, there was no rule saying they couldn't still be pals when she wasn't around.

Coming up behind him, he flicked his head. "Hey, shrimp. 'Sup? Heh, check out these battle scars. Wanna know how I got them?"

"..." Slowly turning to him, Toon Link's big, cat-like eyes watered.

Red raised an eyebrow. "Woah, hey. What's wrong with you?"

"...Red..." He sniffled. "H-have you heard... the news?"

"What news?"

He wiped his nose. "...Have you seen Lucas today?"

"I just saw her an hour ago. Why?"

"Did you notice something... odd about her?"

"Odd? ...No, don't think so."

"She didn't... look a little different to you?"

He grinned. "Other than being hotter than the last time I saw her, no."

"Nothing out of the ordinary...?"

"No..."

"Nothing strange...?"

Red shook his head, utterly confused. "I... I don't know what you're getting at, really."

Blinking back tears, his lip trembled irritably. "W-well, let me fill you in, then. ...I-I heard this morning there's a reason why Lucas has been looking particularly... swollen lately."

He frowned. "...What're you trying to say?"

Irritated, he stood. "You just saw her an hour ago! You had to've noticed how she's starting to get a little, er, round..."

Finally getting it, he nodded with a smile. "Oh, that. Heh, don't worry. It's just her little womanly urges. She tends to teem with them when she's... ripe for the picking, if you know what I mean."

"If she's 'ripe for the picking', then she's officially been harvested, 'cuz she's... she's... s-she's..." He burst out crying. _"...S-she's pregnant!"_

Red's face fell at that, looking at the little swordsman like he was crazy. "...And who told you this again?"

Getting himself together, Toon Link almost seemed ashamed to say, "...Pit."

His face relaxed, melting back into its usual sly grin. "Of course. TL, don't you know that 99.9% of what comes outta that guy's mouth is crap, and the 0.1% worth hearing's always a lie?"

"I wouldn't bet on it..." He looked to him pitifully, ready to tear up again. "I knew something wasn't quite right with Lucas, lately. I knew, you know, she was getting a little chubby, but I didn't think much of it, and now..." He started crying again.

"Okay, now you're just being stupid." Red put hands on his hips. "Where's the proof? Where're the symptoms? I've yet to see any."

"I don't know." He sniffled. "All I know is what Pit told me, and I don't think he'd joke about something like this..."

"Of course he would. We're talking about Pit here." Eager to prove himself, he looked around for anyone to question, perking up as he saw Pikachu walk by. "Hey, you! Pikachu!"

The mouse raised an ear. ("...Excuse me?")

Red ran over to him, squatting down to stroke him with his trademark seedy grin. "Listen, pal. We're on good terms, right?"

He looked him up and down. ("I wouldn't exactly say that...")

"Anyway, I heard through the grapevine something fishy's brewing about... Lucas. Anything you wanna..." He tickled his chin. "Fill me in on?"

("Oh, haven't you heard? She's been knocked up!") He laughed. ("Talk about being royally screwed!")

"Yeah, right." He blew him off. "Lemme guess, Pit told you that, right?"

("Actually, I heard it straight from the horse's mouth.")

Red did a double take. "Say wha...?"

("Yeah, I was there this morning when Lucas announced it during breakfast... Or should I say Peach, the blabbermouth?")

"...You're joking, right?" He laughed in disbelief, standing. "Lucas can't be pregnant... I-it's impossible..."

He scoffed. ("What're you talking about? Of course it is. See, when a boy and a girl love each _very much_—")

"_You're lying!"_ He grabbed him and stated to shake. _"Stop it! You're lying! Lucas is not having a baby! You're lying!"_

("Considering how long you guys've been stalking her, this doesn't surprise me in the least bit.") He smirked. ("Or do you know something we don't? May Lucas be a little... promiscuous?")

"No! Lucas wants me and only me! No one else!"

("Oh, so then the baby's yours?")

Shocked, he dropped him. _**"No! Lucas isn't pregnant!"**_

("Look, she is okay? I heard her say it, this morning, in the lunchroom, at breakfast. You were in a fight, so you wouldn't know. Don't believe me? Fine, that's your problem, not mine.")

Irritated, he tightened his fists and took a deep breath. "...If what you say is true—which it _**isn't**_—who's the scumbag who did this to her?"

He scoffed. ("Well—")

"_**It was you, wasn't it?!"**_ Red roared, grabbing Toon Link and pinning him to the wall. _**"You did this to her! That's why you're crying! 'Cuz you know you screwed up, and you screwed up bad!"**_

"N-no!" He waved his hands in defense, sniffling. "I'd never do that to her! I respect her too much to violate her like that!"

He seethed, putting him down and looking away. "Yeah, you're right. It wasn't you, you're too soft... And it couldn't have been Kirby. He doesn't have the balls..." He grimaced as he realized he had to add, "Literally."

Pikachu groaned. ("Maybe if you'd shut up for a second, I could tell you it was—")

"_**Popo!"**_ he spat. _**"That dope must've done it! I knew all those sexual poems were hinting at something!"**_

"So you're thinking he was giving her those things on purpose?" asked the toony Link. "I just thought he was really bad at getting his point across..."

("Guys...") sighed the Pokémon.

"Yeah, the dope's craftier than I thought..." replied Red, fingering his chin.

("Guys...")

"How do you think he did it?" asked Toon Link.

"I bet he's actually a sexual mastermind!" proclaimed the other boy. "That whole idiot act was just to throw us off his trail!"

("Guys.")

"And Nana..." The smaller one looked surprised. "What'll she think?"

("Guys!")

"Exactly!" The trainer looked horrified. "What if he starts pairing up with Lucas instead of her now?! We'll never get them apart!"

_**("IT WAS NESS, OKAY?!")**_ barked Pikachu.

Red and Toon Link both perked up. _**"...What?!"**_

("...I mean, I think it's his. Or it could be someone else's and he's just supporting it, I dunno. What goes on behind closed doors is something I'd rather not see...")

"...D-d-d-did he say t-t-that?" angrily stammered Toon Link.

("Who do I look like, someone who cares? If you wanna know everything, go ask one of the girls.") He toddled off. ("Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go and wait for blood to spew over this, heh heh.")

They watched him leave, both in shock and anger. The very thought of their Lucas having someone else's baby—_Ness'_, of all people—was like an arrow to the crotch. Remembering catching him in act was like an arrow to the heart, but _this_... This was that very same arrow, on fire, to the crotch. Red just stared ahead, infuriated his victory over Ness was now null and void. Slapping him silly would never compare to what he'd done to the blonde. The biggest "screw you" any guy could ever do to another guy was knocking up his girl, and he'd done it. That was the final straw.

"TL?"

"Yeah?"

"Do Kirby and Popo know about this?"

"I think so. They probably should by now."

"Well, go get them."

"Why?"

He cracked his knuckles. "We're gonna pay the father a little visit..."

* * *

Ness later concluded that shower was also the longest he'd ever taken. He didn't get the time when he stepped in, but they had to've been in there for around an hour. Both were shivering cold at this point, the shower running frigid quite a while ago. There was a perfectly good reason why this didn't affect them until now... but that wasn't the case.

Acting like she couldn't take it, Lucas grabbed a towel and scurried over to her unmade bed, diving underneath the covers. Personally, he was cold, too, but decided to be big the guy and pretend it was invigorating. Freezing, Lucas didn't care either way, so he had no idea why he bothered.

"Brr..." she trembled. "R-remind me next time we d-do that to g-get out w-when there's n-no more hot w-water..."

Ooh, kinky. She was already thinking of doing it again sometime? That's why he liked her, always so willing.

"C'mon, it wasn't that bad," he responded.

"Stop lying. I-I can see you trembling."

He turned his nose up. "I'm not trembling, I'm teeming with excitement. There's a difference..."

"Ew, don't say that." She shuddered. "Reminds me of Red... That's what he said I was doing. You'd think he'd know the difference between teeming and expecting." She looked down at her lump of a tummy. "I can't believe he thought that was why I had the extra weight..."

"Maybe he did, but was in denial."

"Yeah, that sounds like him." She bit her lip. "...You think he knows now?"

"Probably. Word spreads like wildfire here."

"...You think he'll try to hurt me over it?"

He shook his head. "Other than this baby, you don't hafta worry about a thing. Red and others're more out for my blood than y—"

He was interrupted by a loud, irritable growling noise, reminiscent of the Ultimate Chimera. Startled, he jumped, getting on guard.

"What was that?!" he asked, looking around.

"...Me," coyly said Lucas, embarrassed.

"Huh?"

The growling made itself known again as she rubbed her stomach. "Yeah... I guess I'm hungry. We never did get to eat this morning, did we?"

"Guess not. There was so much going on..." He made a face at that, specifically meaning the fight.

"Yeah..." Lucas pitifully looked to the nightstand's clock, groaning. "And lunch won't start for another two hours... Ugh... But I need something _now_..."

"Me, too," sighed Ness, beginning to feel her hunger pangs. "...Jeez, why'd you hafta remind me...?"

"Sorry..." she apologized, her stomach growling again. She looked to him with hopeful eyes. "Ness, can you go get us something?"

Looking down, he shook his head. "But you said it yourself; lunch won't start for another two hours."

"But I'm huuuuuuuuuuuungryyyyyyyyy! I need to get something in me or I'm gonna die!"

He smirked. "You just had something in—"

She glared bloody murder at him. "_Don't. Finish. That. Sentence."_

Okay, fine, sheesh. ...But she knew it was true.

She returned to whining and mewling. "Neeeeeeeeeeeeeess... Pleeeeeeeeeeease?"

He groaned. "Ugh, where'd this come from, anyway? You were fine a few minutes ago."

"I don't know, it just hit me..." She smiled nervously. "...Maybe it's the baby. I _am_ eating for two now. And so far, I've eaten for zero, so I'm _reeeeeeeeally _hungry now..."

Defeated, he sighed. "...And you're sure you can't wait until lunch?"

She nodded, looking pitiful.

Again, he sighed. "Fine. Whaddya want—?"

"Chicken sandwiches!" she eagerly replied. "And chocolate, lots of it! I want chocolate chip cookies, chocolate ice cream, brownies, chocolate syrup, chocolate milk, candy bars..."

Ah, of course. Same thing as last time... Chicken and chocolate—Disgusting. Reading his disgruntled expression, she stopped and scowled. Ness panicked.

"You know what?" She stood, going to fetch her clothes from the bathroom. "Forget it."

"...Huh?"

She began dressing. "Why am I telling you this? You'll never remember it all and you'll take too long."

He pouted. "No, I won't..."

"Yes, you will. You'll take too long, and I'll be mad, and I don't wanna have to hurt you over this."

...Uh, was that a threat?

She frantically darted over to the door. "I'm sorry, Ness, I'll go get it myself. I'm too hungry!"

She slammed the door and stomped off, eager to stuff her face with the most grotesque stuff ever. After a bit, Ness pouted. So where was _his_ food?! He had a stomach, too! Maybe he wasn't eating for two, but considering how hungry he was, it was plausible! Mirroring her angry hunger pains, he threw his clothes back on and followed, which he might've rethought doing, had he not been starving.

...Oh, yeah. And now that his and Lucas' little secret was out, the whole mansion would do their best to give him hell over it, but it was inevitable; he had to face it some time. Why not now? If that's what he had to go through to get some eats, fine.

* * *

He expected to be shunned, hated, and kicked in the teeth for impregnating Lucas, but fate had planned a far worse punishment for his dastardly deed, something not even someone like himself would expect: the immature taunting of all his peers.

It was so incessant, the way they poked fun at him not only for his rendezvous with Lucas, but making her a would-be mom. Every time he ran across a male Smasher, he would always do something so annoying and stupid, Ness almost felt ashamed to be the same gender. This included things such as continuing to ask questions about his love life, imitate porno music, do sexual poses and hip gyrations, butt bump the nearest person while they did the same, grope one another, take turns slapping asses, wolf whistle, howl, hoot and holler, and, if there were enough of them all together, do all of this at once. It was driving him nuts!

If this wasn't bad enough, every time Ness tried giving chase, they'd run off, laughing and high-fiving each other, only for someone else to do another lewd action behind his back. If he tried to chase them, they'd also run off laughing, and the cycle would begin anew. It was funny at first, but didn't these dopes know when to stop?! If he ever caught one of them, he'd make sure they'd never think anything was funny ever again!

He was steaming at this point, stomping his way around to try and find Lucas so they could go back to their room and only have to deal with each other and nobody else. He didn't care if he was still starving; he'd rather wait another hour-and-a-half than deal with this.

Grumbling to himself, he angrily made his way through the living room, about to head upstairs, when the door to the Mario Room opened, a flock of girls spilling out. The last two to come out were Peach and Lucas, the former giving the latter a hug and patting her stomach before she giddily ran off. Of course, this happiness came to a screeching halt as she passed Ness, giving him the evil eye. He was too pissed off to be scared of her now, so he mirrored it.

As she huffed and went on her merry way, he found solace in approaching Lucas, who looked particularly fat and happy. She had some delicious-looking chocolate cake with her, too. And it smelled so _good_...

"Hi, Ness!" she chirped, food in her mouth. "Mmm... What're you doing here?"

His stomach answered the question, growling softly, yet irritably.

It took her a few seconds, but it finally registered. "...Oh! Aw, Ness! You're hungry, aren't you?"

"Gee, what was your first guess?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot all about you, didn't I?" She looked troubled, then suddenly perked up. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I found Zelda and she found the girls and they fed me." She happily chewed and swallowed, savoring the taste. "Look! They even gave me cake!"

"Of course _you_ get the special treatment," he sighed, shrugging.

She smiled. "Ness, I am so sorry... Really. I don't think Peach would like it if I gave you some food, but... you can have this." She offered him the cake, grunting in satisfaction. "Whew... I'm stuffed anyway."

Fine, whatever. It'd hold him over. He took the slice and before Lucas could offer a fork, had already torn into it with his bare hands. Despite being a large piece, Ness obliterated it within a minute, evidence all over his face.

Laughing, Lucas let her girly urges get the best of her and tried to clean him with a handkerchief. This was really unmanly, so Ness tried to stop her, the resulting struggle being as silly and immature as they both were. Although it was annoying and rough, he had to admit it was kinda romantic... in a "Stop it, you're getting on my nerves!" sorta way. Too bad it couldn't last.

"Hey, uh, Ness?" called Link, coming up with a small paper bag. He put his hands up in defense as Ness narrowed his eyes, showing barred teeth. "Listen, now. Before you get mad, the guys and I're sorry for giving you such a hard time over this whole baby thing, so we got together and, well, wanted to give you something."

He frowned. "Really, now?"

"Yeah, no fooling. Really. Lucas is standing right there. You think it'd be something dangerous with Lucas here?" He grinned hard and cheesy-like at her. "Also, congratulations on the baby."

She turned her head in confusion. "Thank you?"

Not wanting Link to talk to her, he took the bag. "...Alright, alright, give it here, already."

Lucas, being a curious little bugger, leaned over him to see what it was. "Ooh, can I see?"

She took the bag from Ness and fished around inside it until she pulled out something that looked like a complementary candy. Upon closer inspection, she frowned. Ness' mouth dropped open.

"What is this?" she asked, completely oblivious.

It was a condom! The bag was full of them! _**THAT SON OF A–!**_

Furious, Ness hurled his bat at the giggling, retreating Link, knocking him over the head, but not enough to KO him. Still laughing, he joined a hiding Marth and the two ran off, snorting like idiots.

The blonde tried to be optimistic. "...Well, at least they're not used?"

Ooh, if they were, Ness would've given chase and slammed Link's head into a stove. And Marth would've woken up tomorrow with half of his hair shaved off.

"_See?! That's the kinda crap I'm talking about! STOP IT!" _he snarled.

Grumbling, he stomped over to retrieve his thrown weapon as Lucas followed, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen," she whispered. "I haven't heard anything from MH, so I don't think Peach has told him yet."

Now that he thought about it, she was right. So far, he'd only been pestered and teased by the male majority of the house, while he was sure Lucas had to deal with the girls squealing and whining over her. It was a good thing they hadn't had to switch.

"...I'm going back to the room," she continued. "I need a break..."

"I'm coming, too. I swear I'm gonna dismember the next guy I run into..."

"Good. Let's go before something else crazy happens."

Ness came to the realization saying that must've jinxed them, as Crazy Hand appeared out of nowhere.

"_**YOU!"**_ he cackled, jamming a finger so far into his face, he was forced to lean back._**"WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID! DON'T THINK WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"**_

"It was an accident!" he pleaded, for about the 493rd time that day.

"_**ACCIDENT SMACCIDENT! THE WHOLE HOUSE HAS BEEN BUZZING ABOUT THIS SINCE THIS MORNING! YOU TWO'RE COMING WITH ME!"**_

Of course. Peach didn't hafta tell Master Hand what they did; both hands easily found out on their own through the grapevine. Why didn't he see that coming?

It was a good thing Lucas gave him that slice of cake. He figured he'd be entitled to a last meal.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Ooh, just you guys wait until the next chapter! Believe it or not, things're gonna get worse!_


	18. Intended for the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**: **__Chapter got too long again. Whaddya gonna do? _

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 18:**__ Intended for the Undeniable_

* * *

Crazy Hand spazzed, well, crazily as he led Ness and Lucas to Master Hand's office, anyone who saw them along the way shaking their heads in pity and muttering stuff like, "Dead kids walking". It took all he had not to roundhouse kick every single one of them. Thankfully, the big hand's place wasn't too far away, so they arrived after a few minutes of the Walk of Shame.

"_**YOU GO IN HERE!" **_shouted Crazy Hand, as if they didn't already know that. _**"GO IN HERE AND FACE YOUR FATE AND SUFFERRRRRRRRRR!"**_

They could do nothing but obey, Ness trudging in first. The inside was dark and stylish, everything dimmed, save for an illuminated spot over Master Hand's desk. Before it were two wooden chairs, placed there just for them. The hand himself was nowhere to be seen, but he had a bad habit of appearing outta nowhere like Crazy Hand, so he must've been around there somewhere. Ness decided to stay on guard.

No sooner had he sat in the rightmost chair, Master Hand emerged from the darkness. Having no expression, one would've thought it'd be hard to read him, but the vibes he emitted more than made up for it. Ness couldn't help but shrink in his seat from the vibes he was getting now; anger, frustration, annoyance, disapproval, the list went on and on. He kinda wished MH _did_ have a face instead of getting so many bad feelings creep up and down his spine.

"...Well?" he asked, after a bit of a staredown with him. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

He shrugged. "I'm sorry?"

"Yes, I'm sure you are." Turning, he noticed his other victim was nowhere in sight and called, "Lucas! Get in here!"

...After a few seconds, the blonde's cowlick peeked in through the door.

"All the way in!" he demanded.

Startled, Lucas meekly scooted in, hanging her head and smiling nervously. She fiddled with her hands and looked up, grimacing at Master Hand's huge figure.

"...Yes, sir?" Ooh, whenever someone called MH, "sir", things were gonna get pretty serious.

He angrily pointed to the seat next to Ness, supposedly glaring at her as she timidly walked over and sat in it, head still down. He gave her the same staredown, Lucas unable to look him the fingers until he commanded it.

"Lucas, look at me."

"..." She did, but outta the corner of her eyes. Apparently, that wasn't enough to please him.

"I said, look at me!"

She flinched and forced herself to look directly at him, trembling in doing so. MH gave her another staredown before he backed off, pacing behind his desk.

After a few tense seconds, the hand sighed, shaking himself in pity. "...First off, I have to admit, I'm very disappointed in both of you. I understand the urge in... _certain_ desires may be strong in some, but frivolity without responsibility is not welcomed here. I don't have enough time to keep an eye on everyone in the house, so I leave you all to your own devices. What you do behind closed doors is your business, but when something like this happens, it becomes mine. And a Smasher conceiving is _not_ considered business."

Lucas hung her head in shame while Ness scoffed. He didn't hafta rub this crap in.

"Now... how far along are you?" he asked Lucas.

"I don't really know..." she muttered, looking at her shoes.

"And you've been fighting all this time?"

"Yes, sir..."

"I see." He went back to pacing. "Your performance in battle _has_ fallen quite a bit. Had this not come up, I would've called you in to talk about it. Of course, you know there'll be no more fighting for you in this condition."

"Yes, sir..."

"How long have you known about this?" he asked Ness.

"Since yesterday."

"Mm-hmm." He looked to Lucas again. "How sure are you that he's the father?"

"...A... a hundred... percent..." she almost whispered, starting to choke up.

He looked her over, quickly noticing her baby bump. "...Yes, you're starting to show a little. With this baby coming, you two are both up for several serious consequences, all of them going your permanent records. Do you understand?"

Lucas sadly nodded, Ness refusing in a huff. He was starting to get tired of everyone reminding them how bad their situation was.

"Now before I administer proper punishment, do either of you have anything to say in your defense?"

Both shook their heads, Lucas keeping her gaze on the floor as she did so. MH noticed this and asked her to look up again, remarking he was talking to her, not her hair. Showing her face again, Ness saw her eyes were brimming with tears, cheeks flushed and mouth trembling in her best effort not to cry. MH would probably rip him a new one if he saw him show her sympathy, so, looking away like he didn't care, he subtly mollified her by placing a hand on her leg. She acknowledged his good intentions with a halfhearted smile, but it did little to stop the impending waterworks.

"First off," began MH, "from this moment on, you two're hereby officially separated. Ness, you're not to room together with Lucas anymore. She'll have the room to herself while you'll be staying with the Ice Climbers until further notice. I expect you to move there by this evening."

He frowned. ...Well, that was mean.

"But..." whimpered Lucas, "That's not fair... I-I... I don't wanna be separated from Ness! ...I love him!"

"And that's exactly why this happened. After this, I don't want to see either of you within 40 feet of each other. No questions asked. That is your first punishment."

"But... But... Ness said he'd..." A tear ran down her cheek. "He said he'd be there for me... I... Y-you can't do that... I need him! Please!"

Ness wasn't sure if these were fake tears or not, but seeing someone else make her cry made him inwardly fume. Why was he being so hard on her? Master Hand was completely unmoved by her being a girl, pregnant, and crying. What a stone-cold bastard.

"Also, your families, friends, and/or caretakers will be notified of this. I'll make calls to them later this afternoon and have you each tell them what you've done."

"Why can't _you_ do that?" growled Ness, crossing his arms. "Aren't we your responsibility?"

"Well, _I'm_ not liable for this, _I_ didn't wait until it was too late to think of the consequences, and _I_ didn't fail to exercise proper protection."

The male psychic scowled. "..."

He lowered his voice. "I suggest you watch who you try to patronize, lest you make a bad situation worse."

...He was right about that, but Ness still felt he could've let them get used to it first and prepare what they could possibly say to their respective folks back home. Unfortunately, this did nothing to quell Lucas' crying. If anything, it made it worse.

"Finally, you two are hereby banned from this and all further tournaments indefinitely. Your contracts will be expelled immediately, disallowing any future entry. All files of you and the places you come from will be considered null and void. Nothing of you two shall ever be mentioned here again, as it'll be as if you were never combatants."

Lucas sputtered, barely able to get words past crying and hiccupping. "...But... i-if you do that... Ness and I... W-we won't... We can't see each other... A-and... the baby..." She hugged her chest insecurely. "P-please, no... T-this isn't fair..."

The hand went on. "I'm sorry, but we can't have this dirtying up our spotless reputation. Your fighting schedules are hereby terminated and you will have a week until your final departure back home. In that time, pack your things, because anything you leave here will be destroyed. Also, please return all Smash souvenirs, items, coins, and whatever else is under property of the tournament, as you're no longer entitled to possess them. Such a thing is only for members of the organization, of which you two're no longer."

All right, he'd had it. That was the final straw. By now, Lucas was bawling and Ness was mere seconds away from jumping up, flipping over MH's desk, and putting an end to this. Actually, no, he was gonna do that, and did.

Startled at the papers, pens, and other official-looking junk flying across the room, Master Hand balled into a fist. "Ness! What's gotten into you?! You're really trying my patience today!"

"Well, you're trying my patience, too!" he spat, standing. "Look, I know what we did was wrong, but do you hafta make a federal case out of it? You act like we killed somebody!"

"How I make of this is none of your concern! You two'll take the corresponding punishment and like it! I assure you, murder would yield much worse consequences."

"I don't see how! You're already throwing the book at us as it is! It was an accident, all right?! Not even you're Mr. Perfect here, so don't you even try to say you are! You're no better than the rest of us!"

"Ness, sit down," he growled.

"Not until you let up on all the bullcrap!"

"Ness, still your tongue or I'll have you removed from this establishment immediately!"

Ness was tired of his stupid, pompous tone, so not only did he not obey, but fired a PK Flash at him. The big guy was no pushover, so this resulted in retaliation. For the second time that day, Lucas was forced to sit back and watch Ness get into an illegitimate fight with someone. Honestly, he had to be crazy to try and fight again so soon, but no one made Lucas cry and got away with it.

Unfortunately, his steadfast determination wasn't as strong as his body at the moment, and it wasn't long before MH's gravity-defying figure slammed a heavy thumb into his back, plowing him into the floor. And damn, did it hurt. Nearly severed his spine. Ness had to remember not to fight this guy outside of battle ever again. He scrambled and thrashed to get out from under his tremendous weight, but MH wasn't moving anytime soon. He actually added to his embarrassing predicament by heavily twisting his thumb into him, making his midsection feel the burn in ways he never wanted it to.

"_**YOU'VE GOT SOME NERVE!"**_ he boomed. _**"YOU DARE ATTACK YOUR SUPERIOR IN SUCH A WAY?!"**_

Ness stopped struggling and sighed. Well, now he'd done it. He and Lucas were gonna be lucky to get outta this alive. The blonde stood off to the side, tearful and scared. Poor thing. It wasn't even noon and she'd already seen him pummeled twice.

"Ness, judging from what I've seen here today, I must say your attitude toward this situation is wild, destructive, and foolish!" The big hand would've smiled if it were possible. "...I like that."

"...What?"

"You know I'm always looking for some spunk, and I have to admit, you have it." He let him go. "It takes a lot to go against your commanding officer like that, especially in your predicament. Doing it for another Smasher is also approved of. You're well commended."

"Uh, thank you..." he said, standing up and dusting himself off. Scared, Lucas ran over and buried her face into a shoulder.

"I don't think I could bring myself to rid such a go-getter from our ranks... As much as a fault you've brought upon yourself, your worth exceeds it. And it wouldn't be fair to punish only Lucas..." He assumed a pondering position, looking as if he were rubbing a giant, invisible chin above him. "...Perhaps we can find a loophole."

"...This sorta thing could happen to anybody," said Ness, seeing his chance to persuade him. "We're... really sorry, honestly. I guess we were thinking more with our pants than our heads..."

"..." The hand continued pondering, taking his heartfelt apology and Lucas' anxiety into consideration. He looked to see she was trembling now, face still buried in Ness' shirt.

"...Here," he said, offering a tissue box, floored from his desk from Ness' upheaval.

Reluctantly, she looked to him with glistening eyes and took some tissue, blowing loudly and sniffling. MH added to pacifying her with a gentle pat to the head. She cowered at first, but soon relaxed under the large, soft strokes.

As she calmed down, he said, "All right, then. I can see it was a mistake... And you two are truly sorry for it, right?"

Still teary, Lucas nodded eagerly, while Ness followed suit.

"... And I guess I _was_ a little a harsh on you two about it. I apologize; I've been having a bit of a bad day..."

Ness didn't know how a giant hand, creation void of all explanation, could possibly have a bad day. Then again, he _did_ hafta deal with, not only his crazy twin brother, but some 30-odd people constantly kicking the snot outta him any and every chance they got. MH had to've been defeated about 50 times daily, at the least. Today, the count must've passed that mark by a long shot.

"You two're still trouble, but I'll just let your actions be your punishment. You reap what you sew, after all."

Ness' mouth nearly dropped open. What a jerk! What was even worse was that he couldn't object to it, as he was 100% right. Damn, no wonder he was the master.

Lucas, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "...Oh, thank you, Master Hand! Really, thanks a lot! W-we appreciate it! We'll take full responsibility! Right, Ness?"

Ness didn't wanna sound like he was suddenly praising Master Hand for letting them off the hook, so he shrugged. "Yeah, sure, what she said..."

Master Hand made a nodding gesture. "Then I propose a compromise. As a proud and upstanding organization, we can't go around having illegitimate parents in our ranks, so I'll lift the banning punishment and let you two stay together on one condition."

"What?!" Lucas pleaded. "Whatever it is, we'll do it! We'll do it!"

"...Lucas, Ness..." One could almost feel him grinning. "You two're going to be wed."

...

...

...

...

...Huh?

...He...

Wha—?

Did he just say...?

No, he couldn't have. He didn't!

Ness laughed. No, he must've been going deaf. There was no way he could've said—

"I suppose the term you people use would be a 'shotgun wedding', right?"

Lucas froze with her hands clasped together from pleading to him earlier, while Ness just stared stupid at the wall, a finger in his ear to clean out any unwanted residue in disbelief of what was just said.

...But there was no way could've misheard that.

"Y-you're joking, right?" he heard Lucas' suddenly-jittery voice ask.

"No, I'm not."

"...So when you say that, you mean... me and Ness?"

"Uh-huh."

"Together?"

"Uh-huh."

"In holy matrimony."

"Uh-huh."

"As husband and wife."

"Uh-huh."

"With the dresses and tuxedos."

"Uh-huh."

"And best mans and flower girls and stuff."

"Uh-huh."

"And the big cake at the reception."

He shook himself in disbelief of her disbelief. "...Lucas, I don't know how I can make this any clearer for you. If you want to stay in this tournament, you and Ness are going to have to get married."

"...O-oh," she breathlessly answered.

Ness still had nothing to say to that. He was just thrown for a loop. Him, _married_?! But that was such a grown-up thing! He hadn't had enough time to be a bachelor! He didn't wanna be tied down yet, not like this! Even though he really did have feelings for Lucas, this was taking it way too far!

His fearful thoughts were suddenly interrupted as he heard something topple over hit the ground. Immediately, he whipped to his left to see Lucas on the floor. She'd fainted!

"Lucas!" called Master Hand in a panic.

Ness wasn't as scared, as this was anything but unusual. Regardless, Lucas fainted! She hadn't done that since before she was deemed a girl, the last time he recalled being at that stupid water-chugging contest they had a while back... Then again, that was fake.

Despite this, he still went over to check on her. Not surprisingly, she was out cold, moaning softly.

"Check her pulse! Feel her temperature! All combatants must be in tip-top shape at all times! Besides, she's your responsibility now, Ness!" barked the hand, pointing at him.

He grunted at that. Boy, was he pushy... He kneeled beside her and reached over to check her pulse. He was no doctor, but it was pumping pretty fast. Her temperature was a little on the hot side, too. Then again, this told him nothing, only as to why she fainted.

Stumped, he sat up and shrugged. "She just fainted. Used to happen all the time."

And that was true. She hadn't had any reason to pass out lately, but she used to faint at least once a week when she was a boy. The girls must've helped her in that department, but the subject of marriage was too much for her.

"Well, I'll just call Mario to come get her... If I can find the phone," he irritably added, surveying the mess of his overturned desk.

As he searched for said phone, Ness poked and pulled on Lucas, seeing if she was faking or not. Getting no response, he decided to do something a little risqué. Making sure Master Hand wasn't looking, he grinned and innocently reached over to grope a boob. Not getting a smile or giddy response from his action, he concluded she was being for real this time.

...

...

...

...

"Ness," came Master Hand's flat voice, "stop it. She's unconscious, all right?"

...

…

...

...

...?

...Oh, wow. He forgot what he was doing. Something about checking on Lucas...? Uh, shoot. He couldn't even remember what it was... or long he'd been groping her. Pretty much all he could recall from the last five minutes or however long he'd been feeling her out was boobs, boobies, honkers, knockers, melons, hooters, dirty pillows, gonzagas...

Seeing he was spacing out again, Master Hand snapped his fingers. "...Ness, stop this nonsense. Your reaction to this situation is, in short, appalling."

Oh, easy for him to say. He was a giant hand; he lacked 99.9% of the stuff he could use to have fun with these things. He was probably just jealous he couldn't grope a girl without killing her. Or, if he could, that was _all_ he could do to her.

* * *

Flustered, Samus lifted a small table in the foyer and crouched down so she could look under it. Finding nothing, she groaned and stood back up. Where could that thing possibly be?

Fox came up behind her. "Hey Sam. Got a fight in five, so get ready."

"I can't," she sighed, irritated.

"Why?"

"My Paralyzer's gone missing. I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

"Big deal. Just fight in your suit."

She pouted. "But I don't want to fight in my suit today..."

"Well, the fight calls for me, you, and Ike, so there's nothing we can do about it. So either come fight with us, or answer to Master Hand."

She waved it off. "Use a clone for now, because I swear I need to find my Paralyzer!"

He sighed, facepalming. "Is it really that big of a deal?"

"Yes! I don't have to necessarily fight with it; I just want to know where it is, at least. I feel so naked without it..."

"I'm sure some of us would like that," he snidely remarked, grinning. That earned him a knee in the stomach.

"No. Now make yourself useful and keep an eye out for that thing. Tell everyone else to start looking, too. And that if I find out who took it, there'll be hell to pay."

"So, that's definite 'no' on the fight, then?"

"Yes, it's a no. Use a clone! That's what they're here for!" And with that, she stormed off to continue the search for her missing gun.

"Will do," he sarcastically responded, giving a halfhearted salute.

Using clones in battle was always a pain; not the hardest thing in the establishment to do, but required a bit more effort than getting the real thing. The guys were sensitive, whiny, complained all the time, and never fought the exact way the original did. They were usually either way too good or way too bad in comparison. There were always some exceptions, but they were few and in-between, which often made dealing with them a living nightmare. Fox dreaded all of this and more as he went to fetch a Samus clone. Color didn't matter, he just wanted this done and over with.

* * *

All right, that was it. Playtime was over, the gloves were off, and the shoe had finally dropped off the other foot. No more Mr. Nice Guys… Not that they'd ever been nice guys to... _him_.

No more silly threats, no more jealous glares across the room, no more stupid squabbles. No, that was done, over, finished, kaput. The blonde's impregnation was the straw that had broke the camel's back. This was war now. They were mad as heck, and they weren't gonna take it anymore.

Like some sorta half-assed SWAT team, the Idiot Brigade patrolled around the house, hot on the trail for a certain capped psychic who'd made the fatal mistake of taking sweet, innocent Lucas and ultimately desecrating her with his seed.

In their own right, the four saw the other members as annoying, but respectful competition in wooing Lucas. While they drove each other insane, one thing they all could agree on was that Lucas was too good for the likes of Ness. Random fighting and romantic proclamations weren't working, so they were forced to come up with a more elaborate plan on getting rid of him once and for all. ...Well, it was "elaborate" compared to all the other crap they tried. They were working on limited brainpower, after all.

None of them had seen the jerk since yesterday, but if any of them laid eyes on him today, it'd the last time. Blood would spill, guts would spew... and lotsa other bad stuff would happen...Unfortunately, there was one small problem in finding and destroying their prey.

They _couldn't _find or destroy their prey!

As luck would have it, Ness had vanished off the face of the earth. The coward... It was just like him to inexplicably disappear when things got sticky. Questions and people were asked, but, apparently, everyone was too busy not caring to care about his whereabouts. In response to the Idiot Brigade's asking about Ness' location, Smashers would simply say "No", then turn right around and excitedly ask if they'd heard about the little accident he committed with Lucas.

...Oh boy, was Ness' ass grass.

* * *

With nearly half the mansion not knowing and/or caring, the search continued outside. And it looked like Olimar and Yoshi were next up for questioning. The two were seen near the side of the house, doing the exterior a favor by tending to one of several small gardens around the place. Kirby was on good terms with the happy-go-lucky steed, so he decided to ask. In response, Yoshi looked to Olimar, who looked to his Pikimn. Almost like an added slap to the face, all 582 of them shook their heads, dinosaur and spaceman included.

"Aw, not again!" groaned Popo. "This is ridiculous! We'll never find Ness this way!"

Toon Link sighed. "We could be going around in circles. I bet we go where he just was, and he's bribing everyone else to cover up for him."

Annoyed that may've been true, Red grabbed Olimar's antenna, hoisting him up to his face. "Well? Is he right? Did Ness bribe you? What's his offer? I'll double it!"

("Honest,") defended Yoshi, ("Ness didn't bribe us anything, 'cuz we haven't him since this morning. I'd never lie to a pal like Kirby.")

Kirby took his answer into consideration. "When, then... Maybe... Ness ran away or something."

"Nuh-uh." Red dropped Olimar. "He's still here. I can literally smell his stench..."

"That could be fertilizer," voiced Toon Link, shrugging.

"I say we stop chasing Ness and make him come to us!" spouted Popo, crossing his arm. "He's wasting our time making us look for him!"

"How? If I was Ness, I'd avoid us, too," said the little swordsman.

"We could sit in the lunchroom and wait! Ness has to eat sometime, right?"

He shook his head. "But that'd take too long. Who knows where'd he'd be by that time... Or Lucas, for that matter."

Kirby sighed. "I just wish she was here to gimme a hug..."

At this, Olimar perked up. "Oh, Lucas? Well, she's in the infirmary, you know."

The others went ballistic at this._** "INFIRMARY?!"**_

"All right, spill it!" barked Red, grabbing his suit. "What happened to her?!"

"Yeah, start talking or else!" threatened Popo.

"Is she okay?!" asked Kirby.

"What's wrong with her?!" panicked Toon Link.

Olimar put his hands up in defense. "Sorry, I don't know the details. I had a fight with Wolf today and I heard him and Marth talking about her afterwards, but that's all."

"Ooh, didja win?" stupidly asked the Ice Climber, getting a fist to the head from Red.

"That's better than nothing, I guess," said Toon Link. "Thanks, anyway."

"Well, c'mon!" commanded the trainer. "We know where she is, so let's go already!"

"You think we should?" worriedly asked Kirby. "What if she's not feeling well?"

"That's exactly why we're going! She's probably miserable without us!"

"...You sure?" asked Toon Link, getting a bad feeling about this.

The trainer frowned. "...Okay, fine. You guys can stay out here and plant posies if you want, but _I_ care about Lucas a little more than that." He turned to leave. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an angel to go please."

"..." It took a few seconds, but the remaining crew soon got it through their heads that if they didn't go, they'd be losing Lucas to Red. Seeing their most perverted member crack a grin and break into a sprint, they darted after him, all four getting into a scuffle. Surprisingly, Toon Link got away from the ruckus first, but the fight to get in the lead continued as they scrambled inside and down to the infirmary.

After that little display of madness, Olimar asked, "...Yoshi, tell me. Do organisms always act in such a manner over the opposite gender?"

Yoshi smiled, resuming the garden work as some Pikmin handed him a potted flower. ("Ah, it's okay if you don't get it. I don't really understand either.")

* * *

Lazily sprawled out on a cushion in the waiting room of the infirmary, Ness idly played with his yo-yo as he waited for any word on Lucas. ...Sheesh, Mario's checkups were taking longer and longer all the time. What medical field did that guy have a diploma in, anyway?

But it was no big deal as he continued to patiently lounge, waiting for Lucas to come happily scurrying out. Hearing footsteps, he sat up to greet her with a sarcastic and playfully lewd remark, but stopped as Mario appeared instead, looking perplexed. Immediately, he began to worry.

The doctor/plumber paid him no mind as he passed him and went through some charts and profiles that may've been Lucas'. This in hand, he retreated back down the hall. He returned minutes later, scribbling down something and going through some medication. He shook his head at what he saw, making Ness bite his lip. Unable to take it anymore, he slowly approached from behind and tapped his back.

He acknowledged him. "Oh. Hello, Ness. Sorry for the wait, but these things take time, you know."

Time was no longer an issue as he asked, "...How's Lucas?"

"Oh... She's pretty tuckered out," answered the doctor, looking over more charts.

"Whaddya mean? She just fainted, right? No big deal... right?"

"Yes, but she didn't come around as easily this time. When she did, she complained of some aches and pains in her head and stomach."

Head and... stomach? He winced. That didn't sound good...

"So... how'd this happen? What made her pass out, then?"

"I wager everything going on finally became too much for her. On top of being pregnant, she was going to conk out eventually. She's in a very weak and delicate condition now."

"Oh..." He lowered his head and frowned. That wasn't what he wanted to hear.

Seeing his despair, Mario quickly added, "But this isn't life-threatening or anything. Some much-needed rest, water, and an adequate amount of healthy food should help her... and the baby. She may need to stay here a while."

A while? But this was Lucas they were talking about, and she'd only fainted! She shouldn't hafta stay there "a while"!

"Why can't she go now? You said it wasn't that bad..."

"It's not, but she's still very weak and a little disoriented from some meds I gave her. It wouldn't be in her best interest to go so soon."

"...Can I see her?"

"Well... visitors're the last thing she needs now, but..." He sighed, unable to decline the kid's piteous expression. "Okay, fine, if you make it quick. Fifth door on the right, next hallw—"

Mario was barely able to finish as Ness darted down the hall and rounded a corner, disappearing. Shrugging, he went back to looking over Lucas' test results.

Reaching the room Lucas was in, Ness noticed the door was closed, signifying it was occupied. Empty rooms always had their doors left open slightly.

He peeked in to see the blonde lying on her back in bed. From what he could see, she was sleeping. He quietly invited himself in, warily looking her frame over as he approached. There was a chair on her side, probably where Mario was sitting and checking on her earlier. He sat down in it and continued looking Lucas over. She didn't look in any pain or agony, which was a plus, but her not even being in the ward would've been better.

No sooner had he thought that, she stirred, possibly sensing his presence. Her eyes soon fluttered open, looking around sleepily until she noticed someone on her left. She smiled, vaguely recognizing his shape and attire's colors.

"...Hi, Ness," she quietly spoke, slurring her words slightly. Must've been the meds.

"Hi, Lucas." He felt a little silly for such a lame response.

Her eyes closed. "It's nice to see you. ...I was feeling a little lonely."

He frowned. "...What're you doing in here?"

"Well... I fainted... Remember?"

He rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant... I mean, there should be nothing wrong with you. All you did was faint; you did that all the time for the stupidest reasons, remember? And then you'd get up like it was no problem and be okay and stuff..." He looked at her worriedly. "So why're you still in here?"

"...I don't think I'll be able to bounce back this time..." She paused to inhale. "...So much stuff hit me at once, I... I just couldn't take it. Don't worry, I'm fine now."

Looking her up and down, it was evident he was still a little edgy. "...You sure don't look it."

"...Aw, Ness. Stop being such a worrywart, that's my job..." She laughed weakly. "Seriously, I'm okay. This isn't the first time I fainted, and certainly won't be the last."

"_If_ there's next time..." he added, still eyeing her up and down.

Lucas frowned, eyes still closed. "...Stop it. It's not serious, and you know it."

Ness wasn't sure if he was more annoyed or worried. "Then why're you still in here?! You never needed to stay this long before! You're supposed to shake this stuff off and laugh about it afterwards, not lay in here like it's serious!"

She sighed. "Ness, calm down... Maybe you didn't notice, but I have a very bad headache now... and you yelling isn't making it any better."

Humbled, he found himself obeying. "...Okay."

"...Give me your hand."

Again, he obeyed, feeling compelled to do so as he put his palm into her waiting one on the side of the bed. "...Why am I doing this?"

"To calm you down." She squeezed gently. "Is it working?"

He shuffled nervously. "...A little."

"Good, because I'm fine, just a little out of commission. You've been that way before, right?"

"Yeah, but you're... different."

"Why?"

"..." He had a perfectly legitimate answer to that, but couldn't come to announcing it. It didn't matter, anyway. The smile on Lucas' face told him she already knew.

"...It's because I'm not the only one you have to worry about now... Right?"

He decided to change the subject with, "...How're you feeling?"

"Dizzy... A little sleepy... Head hurts, too..."

He put a hand on her forehead. "Is it bad?"

"Not really... It'll pass."

He moved his fingers to rub through her hair, liking how soft and warm it was. "...When?"

"Don't know... Soon, maybe... A nap'll help." She opened her eyes and looked to Ness with a blush, making him nervous. "...I think it's so sweet you're worried about me like this."

"...I... I'm not worried," he responded, taken aback. "I... just don't wanna... get in trouble, in case you... keel over or... something..."

She shook her head, smiling. "You're a terrible liar..."

Looking away, he joined her in blushing. "..."

Lucas must've felt she had to oblige him, as she added, "...If it makes you feel any better, I'm glad you're concerned. If you weren't, I'd be a little annoyed..."

"..." Well, that was good to know. Too bad it didn't help him in expressing said worry in a mature way. Ah, whatever; this was _Lucas _he was talking about, after all. She probably found his pain delightful, like most women would.

"Look, don't worry. I'll be fine... Why don't you... come see me after lunch, okay?" She gave in to her exhaustion and closed her eyes once more. "I... I need to rest..."

Feeling rejected, he frowned. "...Why can't I stay?"

"She already said why," answered a voice from behind, startling Ness. He turned to see Mario looking over his shoulder. "She needs her rest, and you can't be hanging around here all day."

"Why? I won't bug her..." he tried to pitifully plead again.

This time, Mario wasn't buying it, making a face. "No, out you go. You've stayed long enough as it is."

"...You sure I can't stay a _little _longer?"

"Yes." He pointed out the door. "Come on now. Don't make this difficult. We'll see you later."

Feigning dejection, he slumped away, head hung slightly. He looked back at Mario to see if it was working, but the makeshift doctor continued pointing out the open door with the same annoyed expression. Looking to Lucas, Ness noticed her sleepily watch him go, weakly waving goodbye. The tired smile on her face really bugged him; like this was the last time he'd ever see her aliv—

He shook his head madly, stomping out. No! She wasn't dying! Where'd that come from?! This wasn't the time for worst-case scenarios! She was fine; just fine. She said so herself.

...He just hoped he could go on that statement alone.

* * *

The very second Ness left the infirmary, Ike appeared, laughing and holding his sword in a suggestive manner. Too down in the dumps to get mad, he ignored him and went on. Seconds later, Diddy and Donkey appeared, doing the "bow-chica-wow-wow" dance. Again, this failed to faze him, leaving the monkeys confused. The whole "Ha ha, let's make fun of Ness 'cuz he knocked up Lucas" thing wasn't gonna work now.

But the guys were persistent, and anyone who was low enough to stoop to taunting continued with it. Lunch was awkward and boring, his peers' antics doing nothing to provoke violence. For two long, lonely hours, he sat by himself while they bombarded him with more of the same from earlier, as well as suggestively-shaped foods in their mouths.

In response, he would blankly look at them, sigh, and return to slowly eating. It was plain to see he was pretty miserable, and since half the fun of making fun of someone was their misery, it got really old really fast. By the end of lunch, no one so much as tried.

As always, the confidential word of Lucas being sick soon got out, as he heard Ike informing Meta Knight in a hallway. It didn't matter that he, Mario, and Master Hand were the only ones who knew; for crying out loud, a _Mr. Saturn_ could know something, and it'd be all over the place before curfew.

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone in the mansion was a complete asshole. Hearing of Lucas' condition and linking it to his depression, earlier offenders began to apologize for the taunts. Slowly but surely, they came with things like, "Sorry", "I didn't really mean it", and the ever-popular, "I was just joking. Can't you take a joke?". Even the likes of Bowser, Wario, and Ganondorf came and, with some difficulty, expressed hopes she'd get better.

...Of course, that didn't stop them from consecutively plowing their fists into his stomach and laughing at his painful expense. It wasn't like he shouldn't have seen it coming; they had to do something to prove they weren't total softies. Oh well, it was the thought that counted.

* * *

Eager to know of Lucas' condition, Ness went to see her right after lunch... Well, after having lunch and then throwing up some of it after the pummeling his gut took.

He was greeted by the Smasher R.O.B., who was busy patrolling the ward. Mario couldn't stand around and be a doctor all day, so Lucas' care was currently entrusted to him. Usually, when visitors were spotted, the robot would inform them of any occupant's current state and whether or not they could be seen... But R.O.B. seemed especially wound up today, and it wasn't over Lucas.

"THE WARD HAS BEEN VIOLATED. THE WARD HAS BEEN VIOLATED," he alerted Ness, body segments doing a 360, arms crazily going up and down. "PATIENT IS TROUBLED. CANNOT BE OF SERVICE AT THE MOMENT."

"What?"

"PERPETRATORS ARE ABOUT. FOUR PREPETRATORS ARE ABOUT. FAIR WARNING WAS GIVEN, VIOLENCE ENSUED. INJURY WAS SUSTAINED TO 30% OF THE FUNCTIONING UNIT."

Perpetrators? ...He narrowed his eyes. Something was wrong... Very wrong...

"IMMEDIATE ACTION IS REQUIRED. FAILURE TO COMPLY MAY RESULT IN DIRE CONSEQUENCES."

"Okay, okay..." He stopped R.O.B.'s frantic gyrating. "I'll go check it out then."

"EXTREME CAUTION SHOULD BE EXERCISED," he advised, staying behind.

Ness rolled his eyes. Yeah, thanks for that.

* * *

He entered the room to see his sixth sense and R.O.B. were right; everything was wrong with the scene before him. Lucas herself looked better than she did earlier, sitting up, animated, and no longer woozy-looking. But what bothered Ness wasn't her... but her visitors.

Red, Popo, Toon Link, and Kirby were swarmed around the bed, practically suffocating the object of their affection.

Popo and Kirby were on her right, the Ice Climber being closer. He was pulling on her arm in a panic, spouting some nonsense about his fear over her having a terminal illness. The puffball showed equal concern, sitting on the bed and giving her a belly rub.

On her left, were Red and Toon Link, scuffling over who got what on that side. Obviously, there was no contest; the little swordsman didn't stand a chance. Red basically had 90% of Lucas in his clutches, leaving the rest to scrap over the measly 10%. In contrast to them, he eagerly clung to a hand, rubbing a worried hand through her hair as he voiced his concern over... well, everything that'd happened to her.

"--and all that other stuff, too," he finished, practically attached to the crook of her neck.

"That's nice," she grumbled, squirming. "...Now, maybe you guys could come back later...? See, I really need my rest, and I don't appreciate you just barging in here and waking me up..."

"Oh, don't worry about that. You can sleep all you want after the others leave," responded Red. Everyone frowned at that, Lucas included.

"...Uh, what's that supposed to mean?" asked Popo, scowling.

"What? She needs the rest and alone time, therefore, you guys gotta scram soon."

"What about you?" asked Kirby, frowning. "Where're you going?"

"Me?" He chuckled. "Why, I'll be staying right here, by her side. She's gonna need all the support she can get, and you certainly can't go wrong with me."

Furious, the others were ready to make him eat those words when he loudly cleared his throat, snapping his fingers. The three didn't even hafta turn around to see there was a respective Pokémon now lingering behind them, each ready to whip, drench, or fry them into submission. Having no choice but to give in, they backed off, grinding angry teeth in hatred.

Knowing he'd won, Red grinned and went back to pestering Lucas. "...Now, where was I? ...Oh, yeah." He began making kissing noises next to her cheek.

Lucas sighed. "Ew, stop..."

Still at the door, Ness clenched his fists, fuming. It was taking all he had not to mirror his actions from that morning and ram right into Red. He'd break that stupid smile of his one day, that he swore.

As he silently seethed, Lucas noticed him, her misery melting into relief in mere seconds. She found it really strange and funny that, in contrast to the Idiot Brigade eagerly in her face, she'd rather have that one guy in the back who was more interested in imagining himself one-two punching Red's face to death.

Therefore, it was only fair she show him some love.

"Hi, Ness!" she happily chirped, jerking away from Red.

...He kinda wished she hadn't said that, as each of the Idiot Brigade snapped up to glare at him. This would not end well.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Wow, this is getting juicy._


	19. Saving the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes_****_: _**_Okay, now this is the chapter you've been waiting for, but I doubt it'll turn out the way you expected.****_

* * *

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 19: _**_Saving __the Undeniable****_

* * *

Seeing Ness, Lucas was just itching for him to come over, grinning from ear to ear and happily extended her arms towards him.

"Ness!" she squealed again. "Come here, I've been waiting for you!"

"..." Her suitors failed to see the excitement in his presence.

Too elated to sense the tension, Lucas turned to them. "Um, you guys can see yourselves out, right? I wanna be with Ness now."

Popo gawked. "But why? The more the merrier!"

"Well, yeah, but I'm merrier with Ness, so, y'know..." She made a shooing gesture. "Bye bye."

"Oh, come on..." added Red. "We just got here, and you're already telling us to beat it?"

Lucas looked at him flatly. "You've been in here for almost an hour."

Ness was shocked. An hour?! What?!

"Oh. Well..." He laughed. "Guess time flies when you're having fun, huh?"

"I'm sure it does." She continued shooing. "Now go, all of you. Please."

"Aw, but why can't he... uh..." Kirby scrambled for an answer. "Um... Stay in here with us! Yeah, we can do that! Pleeeeeeeeeeease?"

"Sorry, but no." She pat him on the head, smiling. "I told him to come back, anyway. Please, I'll see you all later, okay?"

The Idiot Brigade mumbled and grumbled, but going against Lucas was the last thing any of them would do, so they had no choice but to comply. Annoyed, Red signaled to his cronies to back it up as well. Ness stood stupid at the door as they passed, glaring into his very soul. Lucas had no idea how mentally painful it was as they neared to leave. He tried ignoring them by turning his attention the floor in his peripheral vision, all without turning his head to dismiss the blonde. It really hurt his eyes to do, but it was either that or risk another nice asskicking, times four. Red, of course, was the last one out and just had to display his hatred for him once more. He did this by slightly, but roughly, bumping shoulders with him. It was like a warning, like if he ever caught him alone, he'd be sorry. Ness' body tensed up in response, just wanting to sock him in the nose as retaliation, but he managed to swallow what he presumed was left of his pride, exhaling in frustration.

Lucas was oblivious to this, still grinning at his presence. "Well, what're you waiting for? Aren't you gonna come any closer?"

Well, he'd done more than that before, so...

The Idiot Brigade had been crawling around all over on the bed, throwing the chair he sat on last time into the corner. Seeing this, he was about to go fetch it when Lucas grabbed his arm.

She looked at him adoringly. "...You can sit on the bed if you want to."

He decided to take her up on that as she scooted over, patting and rubbing the new space next to her. No sooner had he sat down, Lucas pounced, yanking him further onto the bed.

"...Has anybody ever called you a lifesaver?" she happily asked. "'Cuz that's what you are."

"Wha...? Why?"

She groaned. "Those guys just wouldn't leave me alone. It's like they don't understand the word 'no'... I was sleeping when they came stampeding in here and woke me up... I've been miserable ever since."

He frowned, hating it for her. "Well, sorry 'bout that..."

"Oh, it's okay. At least you're here now." She took his hand, rubbing it affectionately in both of hers. "And that's all that really matters."

Yeah, spouting dialogue he found both sappy and heartwarming was always a sign of good health for Lucas.

"...So, uh... Are you feeling better now?" He bit his lip, starting to get tired of how spontaneously he asked that.

"Much better, actually. Still a little tired, but better. Thank you for asking..." She smiled. "...again."

"Geh..." Realizing even she was starting to notice his incessant questioning, he turned away, embarrassed.

At this, she beamed. "I don't know why you keep thinking it's such a big deal to be worried. If it makes you feel any better, I really appreciate your concern... Honest."

He looked back at her slightly. "...So when're you leaving?"

"Mario said maybe around dinnertime if I'm feeling up to it."

"Good." He shuffled uncomfortably, turning away again. "...I'm, uh, glad you're okay and all..."

She gushed. "And I'm glad you're glad I'm okay..."

Wow, that was stupid of her to say, as Ness snorted with laughter at it. Fortunately, she did, too. ...And now they were officially outta things to say.

An awkward silence taunted them until Ness said, "So... Now what?"

"...Spend some time with me."

"Huh?"

"Stay with me. I mean, it's not like you have anything else to do. Remember? Mario kinda quarantined you from fighting today after you fell down the stairs last night."

...Oh, yeah. He almost forgot about that. He was starting to wonder why he hadn't been called to battle lately.

"I know I sound a little desperate, but I've been feeling really deprived lately... Like... I really need you around."

"You always feel like that."

"No, that was lonesomeness; this is neediness."

"..."

"Don't worry," She hugged him again, "you're the only remedy I need this time."

Again with the sappiness? Must've been the mood swings...

"So... whaddya wanna do?" he asked, as if there _was_ anything to do.

"Well..." She yawned. "Since my sleep was so rudely disturbed, I think I'll catch up on it now..."

He gawked. "You're going back to sleep?"

"Yeah..." She smirked, getting comfortable. "I need a little more rest. How about you be my lookout and make sure no one else comes in here and wakes me up?"

"Uh..." That sounded a little unorthodox, especially considering she really only wanted his company.

"...Or you can sleep with me, if you want."

"..." At that, both frowned.

Lucas blushed. "I mean... You can stay with me while I sleep... Wait, no. I mean—"

"...I think I get it," he sighed, going over to fetch the chair.

"...Oh, okay..." Embarrassed, Lucas got more situated as he came back. "You're so good at understanding me."

"Don't know how..." he muttered, sitting down at her side.

"Well, however you do it... I'm glad you do." She reached out and touched a hand.

Not sure how to respond to this show of affection, Ness shrugged indifferently. "Yeah... I guess so..."

She yawned again and snuggled into her pillow, sleepily grinning at that response. It wasn't long before her eyelids began to get heavy and, despite her best effort to keep them open, sleep soon overtook her and she slipped into a peaceful doze. This was nice and all, but, in falling asleep, she'd kept her hand on his in a somewhat-tight grip. Lucas was a very light sleeper, making Ness feel restricted in his movement, despite it only being that one hand. Even if he so much as breathed wrong, she'd stir and probably wake up. He sighed.

He tried to at least move to adjust his posture, but Lucas mumbled and squeezed his hand harder. Of course. He was starting to wonder if she was really doing this on purpose. Either way, he was stuck with her and, unable to move, only had her to look at. ...Well, there was the door to his far left, a wall straight ahead, and another wall closest to his right, but he preferred the snoozing blonde by a long shot. ...She _was_ quite the looker, after all.

She was also one of those people who slept oh-so-perfectly. She hardly made any noise, any moment was soft and smooth, and, well, it was overall nice to see her at rest. Lucas slept as if she hadn't a care in the world, almost to the point where he noticed a sorta "come-hither" air about her; like the typical damsel in distress just waiting for someone to come take advantage of her. He'd seen her asleep before, so this was nothing new, but did all girls hafta look so easy and vulnerable when resting?

He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something about watching her softly snore made him wanna sleep, too. And he wasn't even sleepy. Merely observing her in such a perfect, peaceful, innocent sleep forced a yawn outta him. He really wanted to move so he could avoid this, but Lucas softly opposed with a whine and a sleepy pout when his hand flexed. Fine, you win, Lucas. Have it your way.

...

...

...

...He supposed one little nap couldn't hurt. And she _did_ offer it... And there was nothing else to do...

Sighing and shaking his head in defeat, he rested his head on his free arm on a small spot of cushion near her face. Lucas must've sensed he was doing this, as snuggled even closer to him with a smile. He rolled his eyes and decided to go with it.

...Sheesh, girls...

**_

* * *

_**Ness was awakened hours later when a sudden lack of warmth stirred him from his sleep. At first, he was too groggy to care, but he soon realized the only source of warmth was Lucas and she'd gone missing. With this taken into consideration, he sat up and yawned, glancing at the now-open door just in time to see Lucas leave. Her soft, speedy footsteps gradually grew fainter and ended with a door slamming somewhere further down the hall. Seconds later, he heard muffled retching in what he hoped was a bathroom.

He stretched and yawned, waking himself up in the chance she'd need him upon her return. Grunting and sighing, he stood and stretched some more as he walked out, only to be greeted with a shady, lit-up hallway. Wow, it was late. There were no windows in the hall, but he could tell from the shadiness from the place they might've missed dinner. Damn, and he was starting to get hungry, too... Another retch told him Lucas may be a little longer in the bathroom, so he shoved his hands in his pockets, and went back inside to play the waiting game.

...All of a sudden, Ness had the sinking feeling he was being watched. The room had become oddly dark and ominous in the few seconds of being outside, like something bad was about to happen... Nah, that couldn't be. If there were intruders in the infirmary, R.O.B. would've alerted someone by now... right?

He jolted up as the door before him slammed... all by itself. He was ready to turn and face it head on, but a muscular pair of hot arms grabbed him from behind, a huge body heaving behind him. Startled, he struggled and strained, either to get away or at least see who was grabbing him, but had to stop as none other than Red eerily emerged from his left. ...And he did not look happy.

He was followed by Popo, Kirby, Toon Link, and what may've been a reluctant Pit coming from his right as the ones who'd slammed the door. In a panic, Ness looked up to see the orange, lumbering neck of Charizard firmly holding him to that spot. Looking back to the Idiot Brigade, he was horrified to see them more pissed than like never before. They all looked ready to commit homicide and laugh about for the rest of their lives. ...Well, except Pit, who looked more like he had someplace else to be.

"..._Well, well, well..."_ darkly said Red. "You've done it this time, Ness. You really have."

He glowered. He _knew_ what he'd done.

"You just kept messing around and pushing our buttons and poking yourself..." He looked down at his shorts in disgust, "in places where you didn't belong."

"And now look what's happened!" spat Popo, also fuming.

"Lucas is pregnant because of you!" added Toon Link, who seemed to be the most upset. "_Pregnant_! She's having your baby, and she'll never be the same again! You've tainted her forever and it's all your fault!"

"I still don't know what that means, but I don't approve of it!" growled Kirby. "You're gonna get it for sure!"

"Look, it was an accident, all right? You think I wanted to knock her up?" defended Ness.

"We don't care what it was," retorted Popo. "All we know is you're gonna pay for this, Ness. Big time."

"Ooh, a threat." He rolled his eyes.

"No, he's serious," said Red. "We didn't think you'd be much competition at first..."

"Until we saw..." Popo shuddered, "you forcing yourself onto her."

"I still have nightmares from that!" barked Toon Link. What was this kid's problem today?

"So we tried a more careful approach," went on Kirby. "We wanted to coax Lucas outta whatever she saw in you and get her back with us."

"Yeah, we could deal with each other later," Red came closer. "We just wanted you outta the picture."

"And I think it was working, too," said Popo, joining him.

"_Until this happened!"_ screamed Toon Link, looking ready to cry.

"We can't do anything to poor Lucas over this..." started the male Ice Climber.

"But we sure can teach you a lesson or two!" added Kirby.

"If you thought this morning's beatdown was bad," Red laughed, "you're in for a big surprise."

Ness scoffed. "Actions speak louder than words..."

"Exactly, and that's why I feel the need to ask you this: Ness, do you know what they do to dogs when they need to be calmed down?"

He frowned. What kinda question was that?

"Hmm, you don't know? Really? No idea? Fine, all I can say to that is we're gonna nip this in the bud... or should I say, the nuts?"

"...What?"

"See this?" He pulled out a gun, a very familiar-looking one.

Ness looked on in confusion. "Samus' Paralyzer?"

"That's right. I got Ivysaur to frisk it off her after their last tea party or whatever together." He came closer with it. "Do you have any idea what this thing can do?"

He scoffed again. "Paralyze people?"

"In a sense, yes. But that's only in a brawl. In battle, all attacks and moves are lessened in damage so we won't inadvertently kill ourselves from doing it so much. But I'm sure you know that, right? Getting hit by the Blue Falcon, shot by the Landmaster, caught in the Ultimate Chimera's mouth..." He nodded, smiling. "Boy, am I glad I don't hafta do that."

"Cut the crap. What're you doing?"

"Funny you should ask. You see, we think you, like a dog, need to be calmed down."

"Look who's calling the kettle black," he sneered.

"Talk all you want. Go ahead, make us madder. I assure you, you've done more than enough damage at this point."

Again with the threats. Weren't they supposed to be ripping him limb from limb by now?

"We could easily maul you, Ness. You're in no position to fight back and I'm sure eight against one isn't much in your favor."

Pit turned his mouth up. "...Oh, so now I have to help kill him. Where did this come from?!"

"Eight...?" Kirby looked around. "But there's only five of us."

Smirking, Red called upon Ivysaur and Squirtle. "Not anymore. Charizard, you're in on this, too."

("_Hooray_,") he replied, rolling his eyes.

"But before we get to the fun part, we're gonna take care of some business first," said Popo.

"..._What_ business?" Ness asked, annoyed.

"You better be glad Lucas is having this kid, because it'll be the only one you have," answered Toon Link.

He stifled a laugh. Well, he wasn't so sure of _that_. The world needed more of him in it.

"You know why?" said Red, messing with the gun. Seeing Ness was too busy smirking over what was said earlier, he answered, "Because we're gonna personally neuter you."

That sure snapped him out of it. "Wha...?"

"You know, like, those people in the wheelie chair thingies, right?" said Kirby. "Well, you're gonna be like that, just in your pants."

He laughed in disbelief. "...Ha ha, yeah, right. Very funny. If you're trying to scare me, it's not working."

"Hmm, what a shame, too. I'd demonstrate on someone here, but..." Red shrugged. "I don't think they're nearly as deserving."

He frowned. "...You're lying. It can't do that, it can't. You're bluffing."

"How do you know?"

He retorted with, "...How do _you_ know?"

"It's a Paralyzer, idiot. What else is it gonna do?"

At this point, Ness was starting to get a little scared. "I-it only stuns people, that's it. Even outside of battle... that's all it can do..."

"Not set to the right frequency, it can't. If I shot you in the legs like this, yeah, it wouldn't be enough to paralyze you forever. ...But I'm sure we all know down south's a little more sensitive..."

"..."

Smiling, he approached, poking his crotch with it. "Try to imagine having a limp noodle and a pair of deflated balloons to work with for the rest of your life. They'll be dead weight, pure and simple."

Now Ness _was_ scared. That analogy was enough to send him into a frenzy. "...W-wait, c'mon! Y-you can't do this!"

"Oh, yes, I can, and I will." He backed up a little, swinging it about on his fingers.

He crossed his legs, desperately jerking away from Charizard. "L-look! I don't like you and you don't like me, but don't bring my stuff into this! We can settle this with a fight... o-or a beatdown or something! C'mon, that's just torture!"

"Exactly, that's why we're doing it."

"Gimme a break!" He pulled more, swinging his legs crazily. "Not down south, anything but there! What'd they ever do to you?!"

"It's not what they did to me, it's what they did to Lucas. Now, spread 'em."

"L-listen!" he panted, fear rapidly escalating. "I would never do this to you if you were in my shoes! Really! In the fight this morning! I would've dropkicked those suckers, but I didn't! And do you know why?!"

"I don't care."

"Because we don't do that! Below the belt is coward's country! As detestable as you are, even you hafta uphold that! You didn't do it to me this morning!"

"That's because I was too busy kicking ass. And this has nothing to do with that. This is simply revenge."

He laughed nervously. "Red, really... C'mon, this is... this is stupid. There're other alternatives to getting back at someone, y'know."

"And none are anywhere as fitting as this, huh?" He grinned as he fired a warning shot at the ground, making Ness flail madly. "Now beg."

"...What?" He couldn't believe what he'd just asked!

"You heard me. I wanna hear you beg."

"Well, I'm begging now!"

"Beg more." He couldn't help but laugh at the look of pure horror on his face. It was more delicious than the sweetest victory.

"Okay, I admit it; what I did was wrong," he pleaded, distressed. "I made a mistake and I hafta pay for it. Trust me, I already am. But depriving me of my manhood isn't gonna make things any better.

"Of course it will. I'll be doing us and Lucas a big favor."

At this point, Ness was starting to get a little annoyed. "Man, come on! Where's your dignity? Your pride?! Real men don't hit below the belt! That's just wrong! What're you trying to prove? That you're better? That you're bigger than me?"

"No, I already proved that this morning." The other got a laugh outta this.

"Well, killing my kids doesn't make you better than me. It makes you a loser!" he seethed, trying to get away from Charizard again. "Screw getting rid of the competition; you know I've got it and you don't, so you think stripping me of my pride's gonna make you Mr. Big Shot."

He made a face. "That's... That's not true."

"Yes, it is! That goes for the rest of you, too!" he growled to the others, perking their interest. "You all wanna kick my ass? Fine, go ahead, have a field day! But don't think for a second doing this to me is something to be proud of. If anything, it just proves how small you all are. Can't stand up to the big guy, so you little guys hafta come together and get rid of him. Real classy."

It was obvious everyone took offense to that, glaring at him darkly. Even Kirby joined in, thinking he was talking about his height. The Pokémon had a feeling this wasn't directed at them, so they just looked to each other, fearing the consequences of it.

The trainer chuckled, sure he had the upper hand. "...How do you know? Like you've seen what we have to offer?"

He sneered. "C'mon Red, cut me slack. I can't see something invisible to the naked eye."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

The sudden silence in the room told Ness that remark was anything but appreciated. The Idiot Brigade _was not_ amused, as well as Pit. Now it was Ness' turn to laugh, figuring he may as well while he could. He was gonna get creamed all the same.

Furious, Red grabbed him by the neck, practically choking him. _"You know what?! You've got a pretty big mouth for someone who's about to get his nuts shot off!"_

"And I'm sure you've got none for doing it," he wheezed.

Fed up with his snappy remarks, he let go, but not before angrily jerking Ness' head to the side in detest. Both barred teeth at one another as he backed up, calling to his flowered Pokémon.

"...Ivysaur."

("Yes?")

He lifted his head slightly to Ness. "...Spread 'em."

("...You mean his—")

"Yeah. Do it now so we can teach him a lesson he'll never forget."

("...Whatever you say... Sorry, Ness. No hard feelings,") she apologized, using Vine Whip to grab his legs.

Seeing this, his anger towards Red disappeared, replaced with his earlier look of terror. No amount of insults to anyone's manhood wasn't gonna stop them from making sure he never had the privilege of having his ever again. Despite it being fruitless, he struggled to keep his legs twisted tightly together as Ivysaur began to pry. Unfortunately and ironically, her whips proved much stronger as she eventually pulled them apart, leaving him wide open and vulnerable. Irritated at the degrading position he was in, he gritted his teeth at the smug-looking Red.

"Now, enough fooling around," he said. "Ivysaur, Squirtle. Better haul ass. I don't wanna hit you guys."

The two didn't need to be told twice as Squirtle scampered over the trainer, and Ivysaur backed away as far as her vines would let her.

"Let's see how chatty you are after this," Red challenged, smirking as he raised the gun.

Ness tensed up, feeling himself shrink down south. It was something he found couldn't be controlled, due to his overwhelming fear of such a cruel and unusual punishment. Red probably knew this, too, and that's just what he wanted.

He was about to pull the trigger when Kirby shouted "WAIT!", making Ness both flinch and sigh in relief.

"Gah..." Red turned to him with a frown. "What?"

The ball pouted. "...Why do you get to shoot him? I wanna do it..."

"Well, I had the idea, and my Pokémon're holding him, and I'm the sexiest, so I should get to do Ness in." He aimed again. "Now keep quiet so I can hit these suckers..."

Popo scoffed. "Yeah, Kirby's right! So what if it was your idea? I wanna shoot him, too!"

"Shut up!" snapped the trainer. "My idea, my pleasure, so butt out!"

He grabbed the Paralyzer, jerking it away from the target. "But you never let us do anything! C'mon, we're all in this together!"

"Whoever said that?"

"You did, when you came up with this idea! That's why Pit's in here!"

"I'm in here 'cuz you forced me to be," snorted the angel. "The second this is over, I'm leaving and telling on every single one of your asses."

"And you'll suffer the same fate as Ness," retorted Red. "Squeal and you'll both be peeing like girls forever... not that _you_ already don't."

"..." Pit would've made a comeback, but that threat was too much to take a chance with.

"I should be the one to shoot!" added Toon Link, grabbing the gun. "I shoot arrows with 96% accuracy, so this should be a breeze for me!"

"Guns aren't the same things as arrows!" retorted Red.

"How do you know?!"

"They just aren't! Now let go!"

"No, you let go!"

"No, all of you let go!"

"I wanna do it!"

"No, me!"

"Me!"

"Nu-unh, me!"

"I called it first!"

"But I'm better!"

"Says you!"

"Yeah, says me! Now, give it!"

"You can go second! Me first!"

"That's no fun! I wanna go now!"

Ness looked on disgust as they fought and whined over who'd be the lucky one to do him in. From the way they were going at it, one would think it was over some sorta wonderful, glorious, once-in-a-lifetime privilege. Sheesh, he sure did know some sadistic people...

Finally, Red kicked Popo off, socked Toon Link in the nose, and sharply elbowed Kirby away. Before they had a chance to gang up on him again, he used a foot to shove Squirtle before him. Immediately, everyone stopped.

"Yeah, that's right! One false move from any of you, and you'll all get waterlogged!"

"..." The rest of the Idiot Brigade scowled and obeyed, Pit huffing and crossing his arms in the corner.

"Good, now..." He turned back to Ness, scowling. "Y'know what? I'm just gonna make this quick before there're any more interruptions. As much as I like to see you squirm, this is getting really old really fast."

Ness tensed up again, preparing for the worst as Red got into position. The Idiot Brigade looked on with envy as he steadied his aim. He tried one last time to escape the clutches of Charizard and Ivysaur, but the two refused to let him so much as throw a PSI attack at them. He was outta options, outta time, and worst of all, outta luck. He never thought he'd go down like this, by this asshole and all his asshole friends. And to think, despite this nonsense over Lucas, he still kinda considered himself friends with the others. ...Not so much Pit, but still.

He decided he didn't wanna see the actual impact, so he closed his eyes and turned his head, waiting for the inevitable. It was then the door opened, a woozy Lucas coming in.

She rubbed her eyes. "...Ness, what's with all this racket...? Can you keep it down, please? I'm not feeling too well..."

"Huh?!"

Startled, everyone looked in her direction as Red pulled the trigger, firing a charged-up and very painful-looking shot. Hearing it being discharged, Ness panicked and gritted his teeth, flipping his lower half forward in a curl so his legs were on par with the side of Charizard's turned head. Doing this with such fear and force catapulted Ivysaur up into the air and behind Charizard, where she sat in confusion as the shot missed Ness and hit the large dragon, who let out a loud and painful roar.

Immediately, Ness yelped as he was dropped flat on his back on the ground, the resulting pain a small price to pay for where it could've been. Wincing, he managed to look up in time to see Charizard's pained expression over him as he fell to his knees, clutching between his legs.

"**_Charizard!"_** Red fearfully called, dropping the gun and running to his injured powerhouse. "Aw, man, Char! Don't tell me I hit _you_!"

**_("I wish I could...!")_** he pitifully whimpered, shuddering.

Ness scrambled up and away as he fell with a loud thud to the floor, writhing in pain. Like a scared dog with his tail between his legs, he scurried over to Lucas, taking refuge behind her on the floor.

"What's going on here?" she asked, baffled at the look of horror on his face.

"See?!" shouted Pit, pointing to Red on the floor with Charizard. "I knew this was a dumbass idea! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

"I told you we should've gone with this!" spat Kirby, pulling out his Final Cutter blade. "It would've been so easy, too! Just a few whacks, and there you go!"

"..." Seeing the jig was up, Toon Link shadily looked around, deciding to scoot out the door. Once in the hall, he broke into a hilarious sprint back down to the Zelda Room, his hands presumably clean. Noticing his hasty escape, Popo scrambled to get away, as well.

"Don't worry, Charizard!" soothed Red, trying to pick him up. It was weird to see him so worried. "This is no big deal, right? You're a Charizard! Big, strong, mighty Charizard, right? You can't let something like this get you down!"

("Speak for yourself...") he moaned.

"Squirtle! Ivysaur! Don't just stand there! Help a guy out, here!"

His other Pokémon realized this and scrambled to his aid. Despite their help, all three still struggled with their biggest member's weight. Kirby soon realized this was getting messy and followed Toon Link's and Popo's example. Pit clumsily tip-toed out as if he were invisible when he honestly looked like a big doofus in his futile attempt to remain undetected. Regardless, he got away, too.

Irritated at unable to help Charizard, Red stood, rubbing his brow. "Aw, screw it. This isn't working."

He yanked out a Poké Ball and recalled him, running off with his remaining Pokémon scrambling after him. It was almost like, instead of dealing Ness a low blow, Red had turned around and accidentally shot himself in the foot. And Lucas. Oh Lucas, was she a good luck charm if he ever needed one. Even if she didn't know, he owed her one, big time.

"...Are they gone?" Ness finally asked, too scared to turn around.

"Yeah, they're gone," she responded, yawning.

Annoyed at her lack of concern, he stood and slammed the door shut. "Lucas, how can you be yawning at a time like this?!"

She sleepily smacked her lips. "Easy, I'm sleepy... What's... What's wrong with you, anyway?"

"Whaddya mean 'What's wrong with me'?! Didn't you see?!"

"No..." she yawned again. "Listen, whatever it was, I'm sure there's no reason for you to be acting so... off-the-wall over it."

"_Of course there is!" _he roared, more nervous than angry._ "They were about to shoot me in the nuts!"_

"...?" Confused, she turned to notice Samus' Paralyzer still on the floor where Red had thrown it. Going over to pick it up, she looked it over and snorted. "Ness, this only would've stunned you..."

"_Did you not see what happened to Charizard?! That could've been me! I would've been permanently sterile!"_

She frowned and rubbed her temples. "Ness, stop yelling... I have a headache..."

_"Stop yelling?! At a time like this?! But they—! It was—! And then...!"_

Unable to take it anymore, she cut him off. "Ness, Ness, Ness... Listen... I don't know what happened or why it did, but they're gone now. I'm gonna lock the door and go to back to bed. I suggest you do the same..."

_"I can't do that! What if they—?!"_ She stopped him with a shushing finger to the lips, looking quite peeved.

"...Stop it. We'll deal with this in the morning, all right?"

Ooh boy, there was nothing worse than having to bottle up a conniption fit. Regardless, through some heated huffing and puffing, Ness managed to pitifully nod as she backed away.

"Good."

She locked the door as promised and walked off, leaving poor, dumbfounded Ness behind. She approached her bed, giving the Paralyzer a puzzled shrug before placing it on a small, nearby table. She then had the nerve to get nice and snuggly under the covers and grin at him.

"...C'mon, Ness. Seriously, you see I locked the door, and you're with me now. You're safe... from whatever it is you think's after you."

"..." He remained scared stiff.

She sighed. "You're not gonna just stand there all night, are you?"

"..." Considering he was paralyzed with fear, that may've been his only option. Why was she so passive about this?! Okay, so maybe she _didn't _know what happened, but she still should've noticed how upset he was. It wasn't everyday he gave someone the look he was giving her now. Horror, trauma, fear, uncertainty, confusion; his expression reflected all these and more, yet, she was too dense to notice just how much consoling he needed at the moment.

"Please, Ness," she cooed. "I can't help you out now, so just call it a night and we'll talk about it in the morning..."

"...Okay," he finally managed to mutter. At least she sounded convincing, but that still didn't ease the sudden nausea gnawing at his stomach.

He was finally able to uproot himself from where he was standing and trudge over to her bed, slumping in his chair. He didn't even bother getting comfortable, as he was too tired, too shocked, horrified, scared, etc., etc. Despite Lucas' advice on going to bed, Ness found it ironic he just couldn't take it.

She noticed his despair and gently cupped his face in a hand, smiling. "...Good night, Ness."

"...Good night... Lucas..."

"And don't worry, I'm right here."

It was a shame she didn't notice the extent of his despair, as she would've known not even a kiss to the forehead was gonna help. Assuming it did the trick, she tussled and turned until comfortable and then fell asleep.

...On the hand, sleep was not had for Ness that night, not at all.

* * *

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ The trials and tribulations will only get worse from here. Oh, joy!_


	20. Rectifying the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Damn me and my long chapters. This one had to be cut in half, so all the good stuff will go down next time. Sigh..._

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 20:**__ Rectifying the Undeniable_

* * *

Lucas squinted her eyes and swallowed as her stomach angrily told her she need to pay another visit to the toilet. It was only a slight nausea this time, so she hoped it'd go away if she stayed perfectly still. Motionless in bed, she bit her lip and quietly, but heated, huffed and puffed in order to contain her morning sickness. The sickly feeling wavered up and down in its strength as she struggled to keep it down. Ugh, mornings were supposed to be calming and peaceful, and here she was, miserable with these stupid symptoms.

A soft moan escaped her as she reached down to massage her queasy tummy when her hand hit something else. ...She frowned and tried to decipher it, rubbing it up and down. Whatever it was, it was wearing clothes and almost as big as her...

...Gritting her teeth in fear, she slowly pulled back the covers and gulped, afraid to look down. There was no telling what had latched onto her in this place...! Her eyes slowly trailed down to see a familiar yellow-and-blue striped shirt clutching onto her midsection for dear life. ...Huh?

Sitting up slightly, she saw her eyes weren't playing tricks on her; the chair Ness was sitting in last night was empty and she had woken up sharing the bed with him... like so many times before. But unlike those times before, where she always greeted her sleepily happy partner with a smile or a soft good morning kiss, she found herself bewildered at not only his presence, but his pose.

In short, Ness slept like he was in a bomb shelter. He was tensed up, head buried so far into her chest, she couldn't see his face. His hands clung tightly to her shirt's sides, refusing to let go for anything. Lucas wasn't sure if it was because they were both psychic or not, but she sensed all sorts of horrible vibes coming him, fear being the most prevalent.

Lucas tried moving to pry him off, but he wasn't budging. His hold on her actually increased as he felt her wiggle about. She even tried pushing on his shoulders to get free, especially since he was starting to strangle her now. Geez, he was strong.

Sighing, she finally gave up and let Ness have his way. Her nausea had subsided, anyway... She was about to let bygones be bygones and go back to sleep when someone gently knocked on the door.

"Come in," she softly called, wrapping Ness under the covers again.

Mario came in, clipboard in hand. "Oh, I see you're already up. That's a good sign. I also see you never got around to leaving last night, so I came to check on you."

"I'm sorry..." She rubbed her head. "I got sick again, so I don't think I could've made it back to my room, anyway."

"No need to explain, but you should be better by now," he said, furiously scribbling on his clipboard. "...So? Are you?"

"Yes."

"Good. You haven't eaten since R.O.B. brought you lunch yesterday, so you're advised to get to breakfast ASAP."

"Okay."

"All right, well, if you think you can go, then you can go." He looked around, noticing something was different. "...Hmm, I could've sworn Ness was in here at one time. I'd really like him to help you out."

"Oh, he, uh, went to the bathroom," she lied. "He'll be back... sooner or later."

"Oh." He shrugged, leaving. "Well, when he gets back, tell him you're free to go, and that he's got a fight in 10 minutes. He's got some time to make up for everything he missed yesterday."

As he closed the door, she sighed. She was surprised Mario didn't notice how oddly she was sitting in bed, due to Ness being latched onto her side. Pulling the covers back again, she looked upon her partner once more to see he was still curled up next to her stomach and, technically, the baby. As cute as she thought that was, she really had to get up. The nausea was coming back.

"Ness," she tried, shaking his head. "Ness, wake up."

She felt his face contort in her chest, his grip growing stronger as her pushing did. Well, at least that meant he was still alive.

"Ness, quit it, seriously... Get up."

"...No..." came his muffled reply.

She frowned. "'No'? What do you mean, 'no'? Can you at least let go? You're crushing me."

"..." His strength lessened enough to where she didn't feel like he was trying to squeeze the baby outta her, but she was still restricted.

"Good, now do you think you can let go all the way?"

"...No..."

Now she was starting to get a little annoyed. "Okay, Ness... I know you're not a morning person, but morning sickness doesn't care about that. If you don't let go, consider your hat a barf bag..."

"...I don't care," he mumbled.

_...What?_ Lucas was so shocked, it actually dissipated her nausea, replacing it with worry and confusion.

"...Ness?" she asked again, this time, concerned.

"...What?"

"Are you feeling alright?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I dunno."

"Well, if you let go, maybe I can help you."

"No..."

"...Please?" she sweetly asked. He couldn't deny that voice, right?

Apparently, he could. "No..."

Lucas sighed. She really didn't wanna do this, but he left her no choice. Taking a hand, she grabbed a clump of his messy hair and pulled. Ness' nails dug into her sides, trying to ride out the pain, but as her pulling increased, he broke down and finally let go with a yelp, fingers now fixated to his throbbing head.

She looked at him, half-annoyed, half-puzzled. "...Ness, what's gotten into you? What was that all about?"

"..." His back turned, he refused to answer, still tending to his burning follicles.

"...Hello?"

"What?" he grumbled, sighing.

"..." Curious, Lucas sat up and leaned over to see Ness' face. He eyed her from the side as she did, but remained unmoved, turning before she could get a good look at him. "Is there something wrong?"

He turned his head more, literally snuffing her. "...No, nothing. I'm fine."

"Well, you sure act like there's something wrong."

"Well, there's not..."

"Fine." An awkward silence passed before she said, "...Mario just excused me from the infirmary. We can go now."

"...Good."

She stood, stretching. "...So, are you coming?"

"...Yeah." And yet, he remained on the bed.

Seeing he wasn't moving, the blonde added, "You've also got a fight coming up. It starts soon, so you better go."

"..." He let out an irritable sigh.

"...I _would_ like some help getting back to the room, though. I can walk myself, but I still want you to come with me..."

"...Fine." He stood, sighing as he slumped over to the door, seemingly not caring if Lucas followed or not.

The blonde smiled as he did this, happy he was actually moving now. Much to Ness' dismay, she was a bit too oblivious to notice how indifferent he was about her doting perkiness. Regardless, she happily took a hand from his pocket and pulled him along. Ness wasn't interested in anything aside from the floor at the moment, but he was willing to bet Lucas was smiling like an idiot. ...Well, at least one of them was in a good mood...

* * *

Getting back to their room wasn't too much of a hassle. Well, actually, it wasn't a hassle at all. Lucas felt great, much better than the other day. Maybe she _did_ just need some downtime. Or maybe it was 'cuz Ness was there? It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out him being around made her 50% happier, after all...

She was snapped outta her thoughts as she noticed Ness opened the door to their room, returning his hands back to his pockets and looking particularly bothered. ...Why wasn't he as happy as she was? Didn't she make him 50% happier when being there, too?

Despite this, she approached and smiled. "...Thank you."

He hunched his shoulders like it was no big deal. "...Sure."

Seeing how flat that left him, she came closer and kissed him on the forehead, making him squirm and groan a little. "Good luck with your fight. I'll be rooting for you."

"..." He snorted, turning his nose up in rebuttal.

She played with his hat, making him scoff and squirm more. "Oh, come on. Stop it with that face. I'm okay now, really."

"...I know."

She laughed. "Then stop worrying already. You're making _me_ worried."

He tried to laugh, too, but he'd be lying if he said it wasn't half-assed.

"All right. Guess I'll see you later, then?"

He shrugged. "...Okay."

She watched him slowly saunter off, perching on the upstairs railing to see him down below. A loitering Lucario leaning on a wall made conversation with him and the two went off to fill their quota for the day.

Now that Ness was gone, Lucas was about to enter their room and ponder on what to do until his return when a pink blur came rushing up the stairs. Before Lucas knew what had hit her, she had a princess staring her in the face.

"Hey, sweetie! There you are! Gimme a hug!" Peach squealed, embracing her. "Oh, poor thing... Me and the girls have been worried sick about you! What happened? Are you okay? Is there something wrong with the baby?!"

"No," she responded, smiling. "I just need some downtime, that's all."

She sighed in relief. "Oh, good. So, now what're you doing?"

She tried to mask a sudden yawn. "...Mmm, to take a rest, I guess. Ness has some fights, so—"

"Oh, phooey on him! Don't think just because he's not around all you can do is wait for him to come back!"

"..." Lucas decided not to answer that, as that's basically what she was doing.

"You know, breakfast is going on right now. Maybe you should get something to eat." She smiled knowingly. "_Both_ of you."

"Well..." She turned her head. "I guess I _am_ a little hungry."

The princess beamed. "You're finally in the mood to eat something? That's great! I personally think you need a TLC after yesterday, so why don't you tag along with us and we'll go get some warm, yummy blueberry pancakes?"

"Us?"

"Samus and Zelda, silly. They already went on to eat, but I wanted to come and ask if you'd want to join."

"Oh." She smiled. Since Ness had gone off to battle, she _was_ a little lonely. "Then, sure."

"Oh, perfect! Quick, let's see if we can get there before they run out of syrup again!" She giggled and pranced off, leaving her fellow blonde behind.

"..." Lucas stood stupid as she flew down the stairs and into the living room. Seconds later, she came back, looking apologetic.

"...Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Maybe you shouldn't be running around like that now. You need to be taking it easy."

"Guess so."

She playfully waggled a finger. "'Guess so' is right, little missy. Now we're going to take it nice and slow today. Promise?"

She grinned. "Promise."

* * *

Lucas had to admit; she was expecting to inadvertently go against her word and end up hurting herself, but Peach said she'd give her some TLC, she meant it. At breakfast, she literally couldn't do anything without of the girls volunteering to do it for her. She'd so much as voice a desire for something and it'd be placed before her in seconds. All the girls ate a nice, long breakfast with her, asked how she was, showed concern, and even got some other Smashers to stop by and talk. Most of them admitted her being better actually took a load off their minds. How nice! She was starting to like all this attention.

After breakfast, the girls pretty much led Lucas around to do a bunch of girly, sissy, prissy stuff. If Lucas didn't know any better, she'd say this was like a really long baby shower. They were particularly giggly and girly and silly today for some reason. ...Well, they always acted like that, but it seemed more prevalent today. She wasn't sure why; maybe today was just one of those days where everyone was in a good mood. Sure seemed that way.

...Well, maybe not.

* * *

It was around five in the afternoon now, with the girls deciding to end a nice day by checking out some fights on the living room TV. Lucas still felt a little weird coming in there, though. It was hard not to snicker, knowing everyone was sitting on a couch she'd made out with Ness on.

...Speaking of which, Ness had been absent from her side all day. She hadn't heard or seen him since that morning. Sure, he was probably going to fight after fight to make up for lost time, but still... Well, at least the girls were doing a good job in taking his place.

A blast form the TV startled her as the fight between Captain Falcon, Luigi, and Wolf came to an explosive end. Apparently, Luigi had tossed a rogue Bob-omb at Wolf, missing and sending Captain Falcon into oblivion. Wolf was already in last place, so he didn't bother getting in one last shot as time ran out.

("Bogus!") spat Pikachu, almost falling off the couch and onto Samus' head. ("He cheated! I called it! He cheated! Go to Sudden Death, 'cuz he cheated!")

"How? What'd he do?" asked a puzzled Link.

("That thing was ready to blow when he picked it up! Why didn't it?")

Making a rare appearance outta his box, Snake shrugged with crossed arms. "Quick reflexes, maybe."

"Oh, be quiet, Pikachu," scolded Peach. "You're just mad it didn't end in a stalemate."

("But that's the best part! You gotta love Sudden Death! It's so intense!") He scoffed as Peach glared. ("Ah, whatever. I'm up next, so I'll show you all how to end a match in style. You guys need a crash course in how not to suck, anyway. C'mon, Snake.")

"Right." Snake catapulted off the couch, doing several unnecessary flips and stalking movements until he was outta sight.

"I was kind of rooting for Luigi to win, so I'm glad he did," beamed Lucas, gnawing on a chicken sandwich she'd gotten a craving for earlier.

"Ew, no," snorted Zelda. "Luigi always messes things up. Why go for him?"

"I always go for the underdog. Never know, they could come out on top."

"The only thing Luigi's on top of is the list of losers," input Link.

Everyone nodded with a collective, "Uh-huh", making Lucas pout a little. Rain on her little parade, why don'tcha?

"Oh, whatever," said Zelda, pointing at the TV. "Look! The next match's starting!"

This brought a few cheers and applauds from the couch as Marth and Ike walked in, hanging over the couch's back to watch out of interest. According to the screen, the next match would be a regular one; 7-stock, 4 fighters, throwing items only, Smashville. Eh, nothing spectacular. The fighters would be Meta Knight, Snake, Pikachu, and...

Lucas perked up, as did Peach. "...!"

The princess cooed. "Ooh look, Lucas. Ness is in this fight. Ooh, won't this be interesting to see?"

"Doubt it. He'll probably lose if Pikachu's there. You know he's in it to win it," snickered Marth. Ike and Link soon joined him.

Seeing how downtrodden that made Lucas, Peach swatted him away. "Stop it, that's not nice! Ness could win! He's beaten Pikachu before and all those other guys, too, so what makes this time any different?"

"How quickly he'll be KO'd," chuckled Ike.

"Stop it!" growled Peach again, swiping at them once more as Lucas' sadness deepened. "You've got some nerve! There's no telling what'll happen in a Brawl, so hush!"

"My money's on Pikachu, anyway," said Samus, shrugging. "He may be a little cute guy, but he's a tough, little cute guy."

Lucas pouted, a little jealous of that remark. That's what she was gonna say about Ness...

"Meta Knight, since he's got a sword," laughed Link.

Zelda rolled her eyes. "So predictable. Guess I'll go with Snake. He's got something up his sleeve, I'm sure."

"Pikachu," said Marth. "In it to win it."

"I don't really care who wins, but I guess I'll go for Meta Knight," said Ike. "Pikachu may be in it to win it, but that doesn't necessarily mean he will."

"Snake, I suppose," said Peach. "Looks surly enough."

...So that was 2 for Pikachu, 2 for Meta Knight, 2 for Snake... and 1 for Ness. ...Didn't she feel the odd one out? Well, whatever. Just as well Ness was the underdog, anyway. Pikachu had the fame, Meta Knight had the expertise, Snake had the firepower, and Ness had... Well, her?

...Yeah, he had her on his side. She just knew he'd come in first with her going for him.

...

...

...Right?

...

...

...No, of course not, 'cuz the fight started and any chance of Ness winning went out the window. It was like he wasn't even trying... Well, no, he _did_ try, but failed miserably. It was like... Ness couldn't get his head in the game. He barely managed to land a hit and always seemed to use the wrong attacks at the worst times. Meta Knight and Snake were doing pretty good, but, as Marth predicted, Pikachu was in it to win this time and showed them no mercy. Meanwhile, Ness fought like a newbie. ...Why?

Lucas wasn't sure if it was her or not, but she felt something was wrong. Ness was just messing up way too much to even qualify as fighting. His efforts were more like... struggling. The fight raged on for a good while, but the blonde found herself losing interest at around the 6-minute mark.

Everyone on the couch was still hooting and hollering at the TV, cheering for their respective fighter, but Lucas decided to take a rain check and leave. She couldn't bear to watch Ness get pummeled anymore. It made her stomach hurt...

* * *

Down on the battlefield, Ness stood stupid before all the chaos and madness and noise before him. This being almost his 23rd fight of the day, the psychic found himself starting to stall. Then again, he'd been doing this all day; just falling short of his usual expectations and barely making the cut...

What made this situation even worse was the fact that he knew what the problem was, but wasn't sure how to rectify it. Truthfully, Ness had a feeling talking about it would help, but... talking was for wusses.

A warning jolt of electricity snapped him awake as he spotted Pikachu dash towards him, poised to attack. Knowing he had to do something, but not sure what it should be, Ness gritted his teeth and grabbed the Pokémon in a hold, hoping his next form of action would come to him soon. ...Unfortunately, it never did, leaving Ness to stand stupid with the struggling mouse in his hands.

("...What're you doing?!") growled Pikachu, trying to get away. ("If you wanna hug, go hug Lucas! We're in a fight, man!")

"...!" Hearing that bit about Lucas seemed to startle Ness, shattering his concentration once more.

Seeing he was stalled, Pikachu broke away and grabbed Ness instead, throwing him over the edge and into oblivion. He didn't even try to recover. Didn't feel like it...

("What's the matter with you?!") demanded Pikachu as Ness came back. ("You sucking's one thing, but at least _look_ like you're trying!")

"I _am_ trying!" he hissed, slapping him with his yo-yo. "Shut up!"

Snake threw a grenade at him. "Yeah, kid. Wake up. You act like you've seen a ghost or something."

"Don't bother," said Meta Knight, tossing a Mr. Saturn at Pikachu. "He's been doing this all day. Talking to him won't help. I feel he may be waging two battles; ones against us... and another against something else."

("That's stupid,") snorted Pikachu, dodging the Mr. Saturn. ("You're gonna need a better excuse if you wanna get off that easy, loser.")

That remark sent the rat plummeting into oblivion as Ness got a lucky PK Thunder into him, but Meta Knight decided to knock some sense into the psychic with a Smart Bomb. He then had the nerve to abandon Snake and KO him on the spot with his ridiculous skill of swordplay. He almost felt betrayed by that.

"..." Ness came back and scowled.

Pikachu returned as well and went after Meta Knight, then decimated and KO'd Snake due to the damage the swordsman dealt him earlier. Snake returned just as Pikachu cancelled out Meta Knight's retaliation and KO'd him as well. Since that was going on, he decided to go kick Ness' ass.

At this point, Ness had had enough and promptly sat on the floor, ending the match. If for any reason someone wanted to end a fight early, all they had to do was sit on the floor and not move for a few seconds. For some reason, tripping didn't count, but since purposely sitting was considered as failure to cooperate in a collective activity, the fight would be dubbed as a No Contest.

Ness couldn't have been happier.

* * *

Lucas felt she needed to go outside and be alone for a bit. The house was getting a little stuffy, anyway. She found a place on the large water fountain in the shape of Master Hand in the front and watched as a few people out there went about training, sparring, or relaxing like her. It was starting to get dark, so she didn't have long before everyone would be required to go back inside for the night.

She sighed, Ness' awful attempt at fighting still fresh in her mind. Lucas had heard of bad fights and even had her share of them, but sometimes, fights were just downright atrocious... And when this happened, it almost always meant something was wrong with the fighter themselves, not their luck. Not to mention, Ness didn't seem like himself that morning. Lucas figured he was just concerned about her, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that wasn't the case. ...Aw, great, thinking about Ness so much was starting to make her feel alone. She needed the girls...

She'd been out there for a few minutes, so maybe the fight had ended and she could suggest they go and do something else before they ended up having to watch Ness fail in another match. Sighing for what seemed like the umpteenth time, Lucas slowly stood and was about to go back inside when she spotted someone giving chase to someone else in her peripheral vision. Probably just some silliness going on, as usual. She decided not to pay them any mind—

"Man, go away already! Leave me alone!" one of them snapped.

Lucas perked up. That scratchy voice! Could it be? She hurriedly turned around and looked to see she was right; it was Ness!

Unfortunately, her excitement didn't last long as she noticed he was being pursued by none other than Red. Ness was angrily storming off, all while the trainer stomped behind him, trying to grab ahold of him.

"I'll leave you alone when you leave Lucas alone!" retorted Red, pushing at the back of his head. "Now, where is she?"

"I haven't even seen her since this morning!" Ness barked. "And I got another 15 fights to go through before I'm done for today, so I sure as hell don't have any time for this! You wanna talk? We'll talk on the battlefield, now _**go away!"**_

"Why should I?" he snorted. "Tell me what you did to Lucas, or else!"

"I didn't do _anything_!"

"Then how come I haven't seen her today?!"Another push at the head. "Popo, Kirby, and Toon Link haven't heard from her either and you were the last person she was with, so I know you're lying! Don't make me beat it outta you! You know I can!"

Seeing as his escalating anger wasn't working, Ness stopped and sighed, calming himself. "Look, Red. I'm not in the mood for this, okay? There're, like, 30-plus other people in the house you can ask about her. You see Lucas isn't with me, I haven't been with her all day, and I'm pretty sure she's off sleeping somewhere, so just... bug off."

With that, he turned to leave, but Red wasn't done with him yet. Frowning, he stomped forward and yanked Ness back. The two got into a light scuffle before Red got Ness' arm in a hold behind his back.

"I don't hafta ask anyone else but you, 'cuz you're lying! So you're not going anywhere until you fess up and tell me what you did to her!" he demanded.

"_Didn't you hear what I just said?! Lemme go before I break your friggin' nose!" _roared Ness.

Angered, Red shoved him away. "...Y'know, you're just prolonging the inevitable. I'm gonna kick your ass again one way or another, 'cuz guess what? Charizard's in intensive care, thanks to you. He could be sterile for life and it'll be all your fault."

Ness made a face. "..._My_ fault?"

"And I'm telling you, if that happens, there'll be hell to pay. You thought yesterday was bad?" He laughed. "Oh ho, that'll seem like a walk on the beach compared to what I'll do to you if he can't have little Charmanders."

"My fault, my ass! _You're_ the one who shot 'em!" spat the psychic.

"Well, I wouldn't have missed if you hadn't moved!"

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Sit there and take it?!"

"Yes!"

Sputtering sarcastically at this, Ness turned to leave again. He was done with the trainer's bullcrap and steaming at this point. He had a 5-minute Coin Match to get to, then a 9-minute Team Battle, and about 13 more stupidly long fights to endure; he didn't have time to waste his anger on this ass.

This action got Red even more pissed, causing him to grab him once more, this time, by his shirt collar. It was at this point Ness had gotten tired of warnings and promptly turned to slug him. Unfortunately, Red foresaw this from the way he reared back and grabbed his fist, twisting it and throwing him to the ground. Wow, this was shameful...

"Ness, maybe you haven't realized it yet, but since you're refusing to cooperate and tell me where Lucas is, I'm gonna declare yesterday as Round 1." He cracked his knuckles. "You're gonna be a little late for your next match, 'cuz Round 2 starts now."

Ness had to admit, as pissed as he was, he wasn't up for a fight, against Red or anyone else. He was still recovering from the other day; yesterday morning was his physical assault, and last night being the mental assault. He was down, all right? Maybe when he got over the last 24 hours of torture, he could try and properly retaliate, but now... Now he just wanted to be left alone.

Ness conceded his defeat by laying motionless on the ground, hoping playing possum would yield at least _some_ pity from the trainer. A foot angrily nudged him in the side.

"C'mon, get up. Ain't gonna be much of a fight if you're laying there like Sandbag."

He inhaled and sighed. "Red, stop... I don't wanna fight you anymore..."

"Too bad. Get up."

"No, I give up, okay? You win, I lose. I'm done..."

He grinned. "Last chance... Get up, or I'm gonna go all Ike on you and show you no sympathy... Well, I take that back; I've never shown you any sympathy. Heh heh."

"...This isn't about Lucas anymore, is it?" he darkly muttered, face still concealed. "You're just a jealous, spoiled bastard who has to win no matter what. That's why you're such a sore loser when you lose a Brawl. It's not enough that I'm down in the freaking dirt; you hafta plow me into it."

"Again with that mouth or yours," he laughed. "I guess you're all talk and no walk, huh?"

"..." Ness didn't feel like talking to Red anymore. What was this guy's problem? This was as low as he was gonna get. He was face down. In the dirt. Covering his face like someone sprayed mace on him. What else did he want?!

Not hearing an answer, Red put a foot on his head. "Ah, Ness. I feel we've been rivals for a good while now, and I knew we'd probably get into a real fight one day, but I never thought you'd be so easy to beat. You hardly even tried."

"..."

"I was honestly expecting more of a fight from you. I could understand the no-special-powers thing, since that'd just be totally unfair, but... yeah."

"..."

"And here I thought you were pretty good. Sure, you can hold your own in a Brawl, but I guess it's only 'cuz of the handicapped damage. Poor guy can't take any real pain."

"..."

"Guess those psychic attacks got you a little spoiled, too, and now that you can't really use them without being a total cheater, you're kinda screwed."

What a load of ass. He didn't use them _that_ much. That honor or, more preferably, shame belonged to Lucas; she was the one spamming them everywhere like they were going out of style. Excuse him for using a PK Flash every once in a while, while she busted out PK Fires, Freezes, and Thunders every time someone so much as sneezed.

Red removed his foot and seized Ness' hat, probably as another warning. "But, oh well. Some got it and some don't. That's just the way things are, y'know?"

"..."

"Okay, fine. I'm just gonna assume you're okay with me officially starting Round 2 now. It'll be for what you did to Lucas and Charizard, so it'll probably leave a bruise."

"..." Wow, Red was actually taunting him now. Ness could tell by the sing-songy way he said that. Whatever, he didn't care anymore...

His face was still in the dirt, so he could only imagine Red about to elbow drop into his back or something when a familiar, albeit, pissed off voice barked at him.

"_Red!"_

Startled, the trained perked up to see a peeved Lucas stomp over. Immediately, he smiled and approached.

"Lucas!" He outstretched his arms fondly. "Aw Lucas, you poor thing! There you are! Where've you been? I've been worried sick about—!"

"Move!" She angrily shoved him away and approached the fallen Ness, rubbing his head. "What'd you do to Ness?!"

"What?" He grinned and shrugged. "Oh, him? Nothing... Just roughed him up a bit; y'know, guy stuff. You don't need to get involved, though. ...It's a bit too rough for you."

"Yes, I do!" she spat, standing. "I saw what you were doing to him just a moment ago, and I don't approve of it!"

He snickered. "Lucas, see, _that_ was the guy stuff. Shockingly enough, Ness is a dude and he can take it. ...Maybe not as well as yours truly, but hey, whaddaya gonna do?"

"Red, tell me how picking on someone who wants to be left alone is supposed to be 'guy stuff'."

He rolled his eyes, hands in his pockets. "Oh come on, Lucas. I didn't mean any harm. You know that, right? _C'mooooooon_..."

"You meant no harm, yet you threatened to beat him up again?" she asked, annoyed.

"...I meant a Brawl," he chuckled, obviously trying to cover up a lie.

Lucas frowned. "..."

"..." Red kept grinning, nervously now, but still.

"..." Lucas outstretched an arm, hand commanding Ness' hat from his grasp. Humbled, Red dopily handed it over. Once it was back in her possession, she crossed her arms with a quiet, "...I think you should leave now."

"Heh heh, uh, sure." He began backing off. "As long as I know you're okay. I gotta fight to get to, anyway."

"Then I suggest go fight an _official_ one before I report you for starting an _illegal_ one."

...Yeah, Red doing this outside of the battlefield _was_ illegal, wasn't it? And without his Pokémon, nonetheless.

Red finally got it through his thick skull that Lucas wasn't screwing around and decided to back off, but not before grinning that _stupid_ grin of his and tipping his hat suggestively. This failed to make Lucas crack a smile, so he just turned tail, still snickering and grinning like this whole ordeal was just _so damn funny_. Snorting at his leave, the blonde turned to Ness on the floor, reliving déjà vu in trying to revive him. It was yesterday all over again.

"Ness?" she softly spoke, rubbing his head. "Are you okay?"

"..."

"Ness?"

"..."

"Come on, Ness. Please get up. Red's gone now."

"..."

She sat on her knees. "...Can you at least look at me?"

"No..."

"Why?"

"I don't wanna..."

"Then what _do_ you want to do?"

"...I dunno."

She frowned sadly. "Ness..."

"..."

"...Ness, please..." She shook his shoulders. "Stop it, you're worrying me."

"..."

"If this is about what happened last night, I'm sorry."

"..."

"I didn't mean to blow you off like that. I just thought you were overacting. ...But was it really that bad?"

"...If I said 'yes', it'd be an understatement..."

She scoffed. "Now, see? What kind of an answer is that? You're so vague about everything, so how am I ever supposed to take you seriously? And besides, how much harm could those guys do, anyway?"

"..."

"Don't be afraid to talk to me about it. If whatever they did really bugged you, just tell me."

"..."

Sighing, she rubbed her face in frustration. "Okay, Ness. This is a bit getting stupid. Stop it with the silent treatment and look at me."

"..."

"...Please?"

"..."

"..." She scowled.

"..." It must've been 'cuz they were both psychic, 'cuz Ness practically _felt_ that scowl. He had to admit it intimidated him a bit, so he sighed and slowly sat up, still not making eye contact.

Seeing this, Lucas lightened up. "Now, seriously... What in the world is wrong with you?"

"...There's nothing wrong. Just forget it..." He stood, careful to keep his face concealed. "S'not like you can do anything about it, anyway..."

Lucas perked up on how dismal that sounded, tilting her head in pity and confusion. Now concerned, she also stood, outstretching an arm to him. "What do you mean? What's wrong? Why can't I do anything about it?"

"..." Ness didn't answer. He just slightly turned his head to solemnly acknowledge her concern, then began to leave.

Annoyed, she seized his arm. "Ness, stop. Come on, really now... I want to talk about this..."

He sighed, making a weak effort to pull away. "Lucas, let go..."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"...There's nothing wrong, okay?"

"_Yes, there is! Stop lying to me!" _

...Geez, talk about tough love. That was a little louder and more demanding than she meant it to be, but Ness was really starting to get on her nerves. The uncertainty, the cluelessness, the lack of overall confidence; she'd had just about enough of it. If there was one thing she hated, it was being left in the dark about something, and Ness had been doing this for as long as she could remember. He was gonna be a father in a few months and it was time for him to start acting like it.

"..." Ness was obviously pensive on what to do now. That outburst was pretty startling, despite him refusing to show it. Still...

"I won't laugh or anything. Really," tried Lucas again, feeling his pull weaken.

"..."

Ness saw her smile from his peripheral vision and bit his lip. Oh no... He knew her more than well enough to know what was coming next. Don't say it. _Please_ don't say it. Don't make him feel like even more of a loser. He wasn't in the mood...

"Come on, Ness. You know me better than that. I'd never laugh at your expense," continued the blonde. And she just _had_ to finish with a coy, "...I love you."

_Urggggggh!_ He inwardly groaned. Why'd she hafta go and say that?! Now he couldn't refuse her anymore, lest he face the risk of being the biggest jerk in the house. Stubborn was one thing, but rejecting someone's love was just downright disgusting. He knew that, had a feeling she didn't, but whatever.

"..." He sighed, letting his arm go slack in her hold.

"...Pretty please? For me?"

"...It's them," he quietly grumbled.

"Them? ...Who is 'them'?"

"Your little _fan club_," he snidely answered, voice dripping with disdain.

"..." Lucas' naiveté kept her in the dark for a second until a light finally clicked in her head. "Oh, them! The guys? Well... why? What'd they do to you?"

At this point, she let go, trusting him not to run off. He didn't, instead, turning to face her with a flat, somewhat sad expression. And, as well as she knew him, she also knew that face did anything but suit his character.

Over from in some bushes, Red sneered. That crack about him having a fight was a lie; he was surprised Lucas didn't catch on, since girls usually seemed to have, like, a built-in lying radar. He decided to hang around and scope the two out, just waiting for Ness to dare try something on her. Unfortunately, he was a little too far away to tell what was going on, which really hampered his spying... But whatever was going down, it couldn't have been good.

Basically, the two seemed to've gone from completely negating each other to getting closer and closer to the point where it seemed like they were bonding. After what he assumed was their obligatory sentimental moment, Lucas asked Ness something. Red couldn't quite hear what, but Ness declined it. She smiled and sweetly asked him something else, to which he said no again. Once more, she asked him something else and Red was barely able to make out, "...You want to go talk about it?"

This time, Ness nodded and she continued with, "Okay, we'll go back to our room and talk. Do you have any more fights today?"

"...A lot..." he mumbled. "...I've actually got another one to go to now..."

"How about we come with you and watch again?"

"...?"

"Who knows? Maybe we'll bring you good luck this time."

He made a face. "...'We'?"

Lucas didn't bother answering with anything more than a smile. Immediately, he knew what she meant.

"Oh..." he blushed.

"...Yeah," Lucas laughed. She was about to add on to it when Falco appeared outta nowhere and snatched Ness away.

"C'mon, c'mon! I don't care if you wimped out in the last fight! That's no excuse to skip out on this one! You'll just have to do better this time!" he scoffed, hauling his opponent off.

Lucas blinked, looking a little blank on what to do as Ness was dragged away, complaining to Falco about how he had legs and could walk himself and didn't need to be dragged around like a Crate. Suddenly running her fingers over his hat, she remembered it was still in her procession and deiced to follow.

As they left the scene, Red popped outta the bushes and scowled. Huh, Ness was a lucky little bastard, always having Lucas showing up as his saving grace. But hey, in a sense, everyone there had been a lucky bastard at one point, himself included. Therefore, and he knew from experience, everyone's luck had to run out sometime...

_**

* * *

**_

_**Authoress' Notes:** Consider this chapter to be a prologue to the SHOCKING OUTCOME of the next one, especially since it was all supposed to happen in this one, anyway._


	21. Hurting the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Okay, cool. Lotsa good stuff happens in this one._

* * *

**_ He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 21:_**_ Hurting the Undeniable_

* * *

It wasn't long before night fell upon Smash Mansion, with things continuing on as usual. Fights, fights, and more fights. Hey, it was a fighting competition; whaddya gonna do?

Thankfully, Ness had finished the rest of his fights for the day, and in one piece, too. He had a feeling that maybe talking to Lucas about his ordeal actually... helped in some way. ...Well, of course, _she_ came to _him_ first and made _him_ talk to _her_, so it wasn't like he broke down or anything.

...Yeah, he was still the tough guy.

But currently, he was having some downtime after such a long, arduous day of fighting on the patio outside, along with quite the thoughtful Sheik, a quiet Meta Knight, and a reflective Lucario. Last Ness remembered, the Pokémon was talking to Meta Knight and spouting some nonsense about limitations and the trials of a warrior, and blah blah blah... Why were they out here again? ...Oh, right. He and Lucas had been having a little after-dinner conversation, then Lucario joined in, followed by Meta Knight, and then Sheik came out. Wonderful.

He kinda wanted to leave, but Lucas didn't seem too keen on going back in the house just yet, so he decided to voice his dislike on Meta Knight and Lucario's conversation, as well as Sheik's random harp-playing, by standing up and stretching.

Lucas looked to him sadly. "Ness? What're you doing?"

"...I think I'll hit the hay," he flatly responded, ready to use any excuse to go back in the house.

"This early?" she asked. "It's barely 10."

Going to bed at 10pm was early for him, but curfew was coming up, anyway. It was a good enough excuse to get away from this boring nonsense...

"Okay," she sadly sighed. "I was kind of hoping you'd stay, but if you want to go, I'll see you later..."

He turned his mouth up in a frown. Aw, now why'd she hafta go and do that? Now he felt bad.

Lucas sighed again and went back to observing the calm scenery before her. She really wished Ness would stay and add to it, but... well, who was she to keep him—

She flinched in surprise as something graced her cheek. It didn't hurt or anything; as a matter of fact, it was quite the opposite. Although quick and fleeting, it was also soft and warm. It was kinda... heartfelt, almost as if whatever it was and whoever had done it was trying to say, "Sorry I gotta go, but here's a little something to remember me by."

...If she had to guess, she'd say it felt like a... kiss?

Startled, she turned to question Ness, but he was already quickly rounding a corner and retreating back into the house. Immediately, she blushed and went back to quietly watching the others, content with what he left her with.

Ness decided to go find Pikachu, the bastard, and have a little "I hate you, but you're still kinda my pal" time with him over some heated late-night gaming. It kinda made him a little depressed, suddenly remembering he used to do that with Toon Link, Lucas, and Kirby a lot. Sometimes Popo got involved, Pit was an annoying tagalong, and Red wasn't even an option. Sure, he could still do it with Lucas, but a guy needed other guys to hang out with sometimes. Pikachu was the only guy left in the house he could still pal around with and they both kinda hated each other. In a playful way, but still... Geez, Lucas being a girl had changed a lot...

He was then jerked from his thoughts as he bumped into an inattentive Toon Link, falling backwards as a result. The little swordsman immediately looked down, to which Ness irritably looked up, being met with a scowl from him. Seeing this, Ness snorted and turned away. He wasn't in the mood to butt heads with anyone now.

Toon Link kept staring him down with his more-pouty-looking-than-scary scowl as he stood and dusted himself off. Ness had no business with him, so he refused to make anymore eye contact. Luckily for him, Toon Link wasn't the kinda guy to invoke his "wrath" upon anyone unless they did the same. Despite still ignoring him, the green hero couldn't help but sense a hint of conceding from Ness. It was like, as stubborn as he was, the psychic probably wouldn't even try to put up a front if he decided to start harassing him.

As this began to dawn on him, Toon Link's scowl disappeared, replaced with a look of confusion. Ness himself continued to pretend he didn't exist, as he was more than ready to retreat and just... get away from him. He didn't wanna fight over Lucas, he didn't wanna try to defend his claim to her, he didn't wanna do anything. ...He just wanted to be left alone.

Toon Link seemed to catch onto this, now looking on in pity. Ness looked at him flatly now, not exactly ready to regard his piteous expression as truthful. He'd been stabbed in the back enough to last him a lifetime, so he was gonna stay on guard for now. ...A few tense seconds passed until Toon Link inhaled. Ness braced himself for the worse.

It was then the lanky boy said something Ness woulda never expected in a thousand years.

"...You want to go play a video game or something?"

Ness almost couldn't believe he'd even said that, looking at him in shock. Toon Link looked surprised himself, but one could tell by those big, sympathetic cat eyes he was also being sincere.

Turning his mouth up in thought, Ness had to admit he wasn't too keen on being so open towards him after last night. The other boy shrank a little, but remained stern about his proposal, looking somewhat constipated in doing so. So Toon Link-ish.

...

...

...

Now it was Ness' turn to scowl, thoughts of the other night making him fume. "...Why me? Why not your other little pals, huh? You do everything _else_ with them, _especially do me in_."

He said that last part so sourly, it made Toon Link cringe. "...O-oh, well, um..."

"..."

Toon Link's feelings looked hurt as he twiddled his thumbs. "...Well, to be honest..." He looked up, biting his lip. "Ness, we need to talk."

He scowl darkened, him turning on his heel to leave. "...I have nothing to say to you."

"Ness, wait. Please hear me out."

"..." Ness continued to stomp off as he spoke.

"Come on, don't be that way. I actually wanted to tell you... Um, well..."

"..." He kept walking.

"...I guess what I'm really trying to say is..."

He was nearing the hallway now. Either Toon Link spit it out or shove it up his—

"I'm sorry."

...Ness stopped dead in his tracks.

"..." Toon Link stood stupid behind him.

He slowly turned. "...What?"

"I said I'm sorry," he repeated. "For everything."

"..."

"So please don't go."

"..." The other boy's silence was a clear indicator he was still a little iffy in trusting him.

Toon Link sighed. "Listen, I know we've been giving you a hard time for quite a while now... but..." He rubbed his head. "I've thinking about last night and... I came to set things straight."

"For all I know, what you think is straight is me being dead."

Toon Link shook his head. "No, Ness. That's just plain mean; I'd never do that..."

The other boy made a face. "I wouldn't put it past you..."

Again, the green hero looked offended. "If we were bugging you that much, you should've said something. I would've stopped..."

"Oh, and I'm sure I looked like I was _really_ enjoying the constant harassment, pummeling, and threats from you guys. It was a real blast; I truly wish it would never end," he sarcastically spat.

Toon Link looked on in desperation. "Not once since all this nonsense started did I ever see you as anything less than a friend."

"Could've fooled me."

The green-clad boy held out a hand, hoping for a handshake. He was a leftie, so it looked a little weird. "I'm being honest here. ...If you come with me, I'll explain some more. ...Please?"

"..."

"..." Did Toon Link just shudder? Huh, that was odd.

"..."

"...?"

"..."Although reluctant, Ness sighed and returned to him, still up on his high horse. As he came closer, he suddenly realized how awkward them being together was, as he was now an inch or two taller than Toon Link. Boy, that sure was weird; it used to be vice versa.

He could tell Toon Link was a little intimidated by this. Regardless, he went on with, "Just come with me back to the Zelda Room. I'll fill you in there."

"..."

He smiled nervously, hand still outstretched. "So... yes? No? ...Uh?"

...Ness was surprised to find himself reaching out grip his hand. He was shaking the dude's left hand with his right, so this little ceasefire was kinda funny. The green kid's nervous smile widened.

"...Thank you. You won't be sorry, really."

"...Just make sure you got your story straight," he warned.

He gulped. "Heh heh... Uh, okay..."

* * *

Hands shoved in his pockets, Ness warily followed Toon Link to the Zelda Room, stopping every few feet to make sure he didn't spot any silhouettes of Red, Kirby, or Popo lurking around a corner with a noose or something.

...Oh, great. Did they really have him _that_ paranoid?

But Toon Link seemed to understand his insecurity and let Ness follow at his own pace. Eventually, they arrived at the room, Toon Link going in first. Ness reluctantly followed, but kept a close eye on the door for anything weird...

The little swordsman was genuine in his innocence and simply made his way through the room over various Hylian artifacts to a bureau covered with even more of the stuff. Ness stood poised to run, expecting something crazy to happen, like Toon Link to hurl a shower of Deku Nuts at him and then grab him with his Hookshot while he was stunned and hold him down while Kirby and Popo ran in with some hot grease and then Red parades in with some duct tape and—

"...Look at this," suddenly said Toon Link, nearly making Ness leap outta his skin. Blushing, he handed him a letter, an envelope, and some pictures.

Curious, Ness took it and skimmed through the slightly-girly handwriting. From what he could tell, it was just a friendly letter from a pal back home. Uh, okay? He turned to the accompanying pictures for some answers to see a lime green-haired girl and a motley crew of pirates on a ship. Again, uh, okay?

Looking at more of the pictures, he noticed most of them were of this girl; whether she was with a random pirate or lounging on a deck, it was obvious she wanted to make sure Toon Link got a nice collection of her. He also noticed she made sure she looked just alluring enough to tease its receiver, all while keeping him at bay with her teasingly tomboyish attitude. Smirking, winking, crossing arms, the whole shebang. She was obviously flirting.

"Her name's Tetra," said Toon Link, seeing the intrigue on Ness' face. "...I know she looks a little tough, but she's really sweet when she wants to be."

"...So why're you showing me this?"

He suddenly got excited. "B-because she sent me that today!"

"...So? People here get letters all the time."

"But she hasn't sent me one in months!" He played with his hands, smiling. "A-and she's not just a friend, if you know what I mean."

Ness was almost sure he didn't, so he shrugged.

"Well, Ness, see... Tetra and I are... We're kind of going steady."

His face fell. "...What?"

"Y-yeah... I would exactly say we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but we're pretty close. She's not too fond of the mushy stuff, either, so I kind of have to wait for her to feel like it first sometimes..."

"..."

His eyes sparkled, even more so than if he were talking about Lucas. "...Isn't she beautiful?"

"So lemme get this straight; you got a girl at home..."

Toon Link bit his lip. "...Uh-huh."

"...And you're here, chasing after... another girl... who you're not even supposed to know..."

"..."

He scoffed. "...TL, you're a womanizer..."

"Huwhat?! No, I'm not! I-I! I mean...! Ness, come on! What was I supposed to do?! T-this is my first time away from my friends and family, and there really aren't many girls here..."

"..."

"I just really wanted a little feminine attention, that's all. ...It gets so lonely in that department."

That was true. He couldn't blame him, as he used to feel the same way.

"But getting that letter today snapped me out of the trace I was in and now I know better. I mean, it's not like I forgot about Tetra or anything... It's just that I haven't heard anything from her in a while, and Lucas has been filling the void so well, a-and I haven't been around very many girls, a-and she's so girly and pretty, and..."

"I get it," growled Ness.

"Oh." He blushed once more. "I'm sorry... Lucas is just so pretty and delicate and sweet and soft... I've never known a girl around my age to act that way, so this was something new. A-and I felt I just had to have her and protect her and court her and love her and treat the way she should be treated; like a queen."

"...Really, now?" The psychic made a face as he noticed Toon Link was starting to swoon a bit. Seeing he noticed this, the little swordsman shook himself outta it.

He went on with, "Well, anyway... Enough beating around the bush. Ness, I'm going to be honest... when it comes right down to it..."

"...?"

"I've lost interest in Lucas."

"...!" Ness sputtered. 

_A-WHUT?! Those words...! Was it possible to use them in sentence together like that?!_

"I mean, she's pretty and all..." He gushed. "And I mean,_ really_ pretty, but... It's not fate. Lucas and I don't have a thing in common, other than liking flower arranging and long walks on the beach. Oh, and being blond. We're the only kids who're blond around here, heh heh..."

Ness made a face. Toon Link liked flower arranging? ...Uh, okay. Couldn't say it surprised him.

Realizing he let that slip, Toon Link blushed. "...Um, yeah. Anyway... Lucas is still really pretty and nice and all, but..." He smiled sadly. "It's not meant to be. Besides, you've kind of... Um..."

Ness glowered. "I kinda already... What?"

"...Left a bit of an... uh, impression on her..."

The psychic crossed his arms. "Do tell."

"...As much as I like Lucas, I don't think I could've gone that far with her."

"..." If Toon Link was trying to get on his good side again, he was going about it the wrong way.

He must've sensed this and bit his lip. "...I'm sorry, but where I come from, it's customary to court and support a lady for a while before you move on."

"Well, excuse me for not coming from the brink of civilization on some island somewhere and not being Mr. Perfect Gentleman here."

Toon Link looked hurt. "..."

"Geez, that's so old school what you said. Who raised you, your grandma?"

"..."

...Oh, that's right. She did. He remembered reading a résumé on him somewhere that said that.

...

Ness sighed and decided to back off. That was an accident; he didn't mean to be so harsh. He was still on guard, after all.

"...Okay, that was mean." He shrugged. "I'm sorry, wasn't trying to criticize you or anything."

Toon Link smiled sadly. "...O-oh, that's okay. I'm just happy you're even hearing me out." He went over to a closet and fished through it as he continued. "I can understand why you're so hostile nowadays, feeling like everyone's out to get you..."

"Ugh, you don't even know the half of it..."

Sitting up, Toon Link pulled out a GameCube, blowing some dust off it. "And now that Lucas is a having a baby, you'll have to be on guard 24/7 now. So much goes on here and a fighting tourney really isn't the place for an expectant mother."

"Yeah, and you know how accident-prone she is. It'll more than double now that she's knocked up, I just know it..." Feeling a little relieved, Ness took a seat on what he assumed was Toon Link's bed. It was the smallest one, after all. He continued fishing through the pictures and letter Tetra sent.

Toon Link busied himself with the GameCube, some Game Boy Advances sitting off to the side. "Don't worry. If you really feel for her, it'll give you enough strength to do anything. I mean, if I found out someone was going after Tetra..." He tightened his fists, suddenly looking, well, kinda scary. "...I-I don't know want I'd do. I-it makes me mad just thinking about it..."

Ness blinked, the sight of Toon Link actually pissed being a rare and daunting one.

The blonde suddenly caught himself and blushed for the umpteenth time. "Oh, geez... Sorry. I'm a little sensitive over people I really care about, you see."

"I do," responded Ness, still shocked.

He fiddled around with the gaming devices some more. "But even when the chips are down and it feels like there's no hope left, just remember you've always got Lucas on your side. I can't tell you how many times I got deterred when trying to save Tetra when she was kidnapped. But I just kept thinking about her, and well, it helped me come through. Love is a very powerful weapon."

Damn, that sounded so tacky... but he knew from experience it was true.

He turned on the TV. "But hey, I'm glad we finally see eye-to-eye now. It's time to stop all this nonsense and just be pals again. And even if I was still after Lucas, I'd respect you enough to let the better man win, whether it be me or you. You know?"

"Oh. Uh... thanks, I guess." He continued looking through the pictures, even finding an older one where Tetra was playfully knocking a terrified-looking Toon Link off a pirate ship. Apparently, he musta said something so funny, she slapped his back in her laughter, sending him over the edge.

"And with that being said..." Ness looked up to see Toon Link holding a pair of GBAs. "...Want to go at it? Got it all connected now."

"What game?"

"Four Swords Adventures." He beamed. "Best multiplayer game I have."

He joined him in smiling, the first genuine one he'd given him that night. "Aw, cool, okay! We're starting a new game, right?"

"Yeah, if you want." He offered the GBA as another ceasefire, this time permanent. "So... truce?"

Ness happily took it. "Truce!"

He joined him on his bed with the other GBA. "You're Player 2, so you'll be Red, okay?"

"Yeah, that's—" He frowned.

..._Red_. Even if it was for a color, he _hated_ that name...

Toon Link blinked, then realized what he was getting at. "Oh, forget him for a while. That's not what I meant."

"Hmph." He pouted. "...Fine, whatever. ...But try not to call me that anymore, okay?"

"...If you say so."

* * *

Arms crossed in thought, Red let a foot dangle over his crossed legs. He and Charizard were currently in a special treatment room down in the infirmary, the Pokémon recovering in a steaming hot Jacuzzi. Mario had said, although he'd be outta commission for a while, the damage to his nether regions wasn't extensive. Thankfully, Charizard wasn't sterile and, after some much-needed recuperation, his manhood could go about functioning as normal. Joy was felt all around.

Elbows back in relaxation, Charizard idly sat while his trainer donned a dark expression over his face. ("So... What're you thinking about?")

"That son of a whore, Ness," he snickered. "Little bastard always seems to luck out with Lucas, huh?"

("If you mean lucky from the fact she's carrying his child, then I can't really answer that.")

Red scowled. "...No. That was unlucky. _Very_ unlucky."

He shrugged. ("Hey, it happens.")

"...Hmm." He scowled at that bit of truth, then looked to the dragon. "...Charizard?"

("Huh?")

"How're you feeling down there? You okay? Getting better, right?"

He smiled and waved it off. ("Oh yeah. It was nothing serious. I just need some downtime. I'm big, strong Charizard, remember?")

"Good, 'cuz Ness will pay. And I'm sure you know that three heads are better than one."

("Uh...") He scratched his head. ("Red, I've been thinking... Maybe you should just let this whole thing go. Don't you think it's a little... odd to be going after her now?")

"What? Why? 'Cuz she's been knocked up? Hell no, just a minor inconvenience..." Gaze shifting, he then muttered, "S'not like the kid'll give _me_ any trouble..."

("Knowing you, you'd probably wanna get rid of it.")

He made a face. "...Well, it's not mine."

("But it's Lucas'.")

"But it's not mine. It's Ness'."

Now it was Charizard's turn to make a face. ("So you're telling me if you somehow got with Lucas, you'd disown the kid the second it gets here?")

"'Disown' is such a strong word. More like... give away."

("...")

"To Ness."

("...")

"'Cuz it's his."

("...")

"Hey, you reap with you sew. Think I'm gonna take care of it?"

("What if Lucas took care of it? She'll be the mother, after all. And everyone knows the mothers do about... Oh, 95% of the work when it comes to caring for children.")

"No, Lucas was a victim in the whole thing and Ness was the culprit. Therefore, that 95% is gonna go to him. So that means he'll be full-time, heh heh heh."

The dragon facepalmed. ("Red, you're obviously in denial.")

"Oh, just hush up and get well already." His smirk returned. "I've got an idea once you'd healed up..."

("Ugh, not another harebrained scheme of yours...")

"No, no. It'll work this time, I know it. But in order for it to, let's just say I'll need a little help from my friends..."

("The ones who've _been_ helping you?")

"Nope." He slinked over and hung an arm over his neck with a grin. "My _real_ friends..."

Charizard rolled his eyes, immediately catching his drift. ("Oh, boy...")

* * *

If there was one thing Ness liked about playing games late at night, it was that there was no telling how long you'd been at it until dawn approached. And then by that time, you were all wiped out and just went to bed and slept 'til noon the next day. Yeah, good stuff.

Unfortunately, the fun and games came to an abrupt end as the room's doorknob turned, its three other occupants entering. Ness turned at their entrance just as Toon Link busted out laughing at some nonsense going on in the game. Also seeing his roommates come in, he caught himself and blushed, embarrassed they heard him.

"Hey, hey, hey!" barked Ganondorf. "Since when did we say you could have friends over, you little runt?!"

"He just played a few games with me..." whimpered Toon Link.

Zelda came up. "Cut it out, Ganon. There's nothing wrong with that, and you know it."

"Whatever," said Link, rubbing his head. "That was all fine and dandy, but it's past curfew now and we all wanna go asleep. Ness, you gotta go."

Ness sighed and returned the GBA. "Fine. I was getting tired, anyway."

"Thanks for playing with me," said Toon Link, blushing once AGAIN. Geez, what was this kid's problem? "I haven't had that much fun in a while. Anyone else who I'm lucky enough to get to play is either a jerk or just complains the whole time."

"Link's guilty of the complaining part," said Zelda, pointing a thumb back at him.

"Hey!"

"So... Same time tomorrow?" asked Toon Link, eyes hopeful as Ness stood to leave. "I mean, maybe a little bit earlier, but..."

"Wait." He turned. "...You wanna do it again?"

"Well... Sure." He smiled. "It was fun. ...I mean, if you don't want to, we don't have to, but..."

...He decided to throw him a bone and smile back. "Okay then. Maybe around lunch? That good?"

"...!" Toon Link was ecstatic. "O-oh, okay! I'll leave everything where it is for us then!"

"All right, that's nice! Get out, good bye!" growled Ganondorf, shoving Ness out and slamming the door behind him.

Ness snorted at this and was about to leave when the door slowly opened, Toon Link peeking out. He whispered, _"Psst, Ness. I'd be careful walking around here now if I were you. Red's been going on all day about how he was going to rip you a new one and that you can't run from him forever."_

He glowered. "..."

_"Sorry to bring it up, just didn't want you to leave without a heads-up. He's dead serious now; I was talking to him in the Smash Lounge today and he would just not shut up about you."_

"Thanks..." he muttered, really starting to get sick of his ass. "I'll keep that in mind."

_"Okay, then. Be careful. He said something about 'getting his friends to help', too. I don't know who he meant, but he kept saying that a lot around dinner."_

Ness blinked. "Friends? He means you guys."

_"No, because I asked, and he said they were his '**close **friends' and that if he wouldn't get you, they would."_

Now intrigued, the psychic frowned. "Now what the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Toon Link was about to answer when Link's hand grabbed his collar. "Enough chit-chat. You and I have a 10-minute fight first thing tomorrow, so let's get some sleep, all right?"

"But—" he tried to protest.

"No." And with that, he was yanked back in, the door slamming and locking.

...Ness turned his mouth up. Well... That certainly wasn't something he wanted to go to bed thinking about. He turned away from the door and faced the first floor's scenery before him. Despite it being past curfew, the place was still had few dimly-lit lights on, drenching the area in a dreary orange.

_...Well?_ asked his psyche.

Well, what?

_Aren't you gonna go back to your room?_

Suppose so.

_Then go._

I will.

_When?_

Soon.

_How soon?_

Just soon, okay?! Leave me alone!

_You're scared, aren'tcha?_

'Scared' and 'cautious' are two entirely different words.

_And you're both._

I'm not! Shut up!

_Then go!_

FINE!

Annoyed at himself for even insinuating he was actually scared, Ness barreled through the room and up the stairs, almost tripping several times. He was running for his life and he didn't even know why. Fear, annoyance, frustration, self-consciousness? All that and more? Ooh, he was gonna rip Red a new one someday...

He arrived at his shared room in a flash, panting like he just ran a marathon. His pretty-crappy day had ended on a good note, and he didn't need Kirby, Popo, or, most of all, Red screwing it up at the last minute. And, despite meaning well with his little tidbit, Toon Link only succeeded in making him more paranoid. Yes, he was paranoid, okay? Not scared, he was no wimp... Just paranoid.

He quickly looked around for anything outta place, then turned to open the door. It was then he remembered Lucas. Huh, he told her he was going to bed, but ended up playing games with Toon Link for a few hours. He hoped he wouldn't hafta hear anything from her about that; he was too tired.

Hoping for the best, he opened the door and immediately locked eyes with a vacant, wide-eyed Lucas. It actually made him jump a little, and during the split-second motion in opening the door, he could've sworn he saw his roomie flinch as well. She was in a housecoat, just sitting up in her bed, hands idle, gaze curious and somewhat fearful. ...What was the deal here?

As much as he wanted to know some answers, he was unable to ask. She stared at him, he stared at her. He stared at him, she stared at her. Ness came all the way in, slowly closing the door behind him, but not taking his hand off the knob in case he suddenly had to dart back out again. Lucas watched his every move. Was she mad at him?

Finally, Lucas' blank, yet startled expression turned into a smile. "Hi, Ness."

"Hi, Lucas."

"You scared me, you know."

"How?"

"Well, I heard some yelling from downstairs and a door slamming, and then some running and you weren't in here, and I didn't lock the door, so I got scared..."

Typical Lucas behavior. Poor thing; was she really that bad without him around?

"I'm glad you're here, though. I was starting to get worried."

He got ready for some verbal assault. "...You're not mad or anything, right?"

"No, I just guessed you went to have some alone time."

"Oh. Okay."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." Okay, he was just gonna grab his jammies from the bureau and go get dressed in the bathroom. Maybe after he finished, Lucas would knock it off with the silent treatment and that deadpan stare of hers. ...Right?

...

...No, of course not. He exited minutes later to see Lucas was still staring holes into him like before. He wondered if she even took her eyes off the door while he was in there. Even in the safety of the bathroom, Ness couldn't help but feel like he was being watched. What was this girl's problem?!

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." All right, this was getting stupid. If Lucas didn't say anything soon, he was gonna go to bed and just call it a night.

Finally, she inhaled. "Hey Ness?"

"Huh?"

She hunched her shoulders. "...Can you sleep with me tonight? I can't tell you how lonesome I was feeling until you showed up. I really want your company..."

"..." He blushed.

"...Just sharing it!" she spat, also flushed.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so... please?"

He didn't feel like starting anything tonight, so he gave in. "...I guess so. Fine."

Overjoyed, she scooted over and gushed as he sat on the side. Ness didn't even have time to get comfortable before she yanked him under the covers, getting him situated to her liking. If Ness didn't know any better, he'd say it was like he was a doll and Lucas was an overly-happy five-year-old who'd just received him. Simply put, he was at her mercy.

As she happily tucked him in and fluffed his side of the sheets, her arm accidently brushed against one of his hands, causing her to wince.

"...Ow." She shuddered, making a face. "Your hands're so cold..."

Oh. Well, playing games at night had a tendency to do that to them.

"Here." She then had the nerve to take his icy palms and put them between her legs. Needless to say, Ness freaked.

"What're you—?!"

"Oh, shush. You're so silly. I'm just warming them for you."

"Oh, so what? Are we gonna sleep like this? Me with my hands in your crotch?"

"They're not in my crotch, and we're not going to sleep like this. Just don't want them be cold anymore. Is that a crime?"

He supposed not; he was just on edge.

Lucas must've sensed this and looked at him quizzically. "..."

Anxious, he looked back. "...What?"

"You're tense."

"Huh?"

"You heard me." She put her hands on his shoulders and rubbed. "You're tense. Really tense. Like... you're scared or worried about something."

"Well, I'm not." Oh, what a fine time for his stubbornness to kick in.

"Stop lying. You are." She combed hands through his messy hair, taking his hat and tossing it over to his vacant bed. "Your mind's racing, isn't it? You're really anxious and bothered, right?"

Pfft, she had some nerve to be guessing that. What did she think she was, psychic?

...Oh, yeah.

She continued massaging his scalp with her fingers, making his eyes wanna roll back. Oh, she was just trying to get him antsy now.

"Is this about earlier? Did Red bug you again?" She looked him over then gasped. "He didn't hurt you, did he?!"

"No, I—"

"Poor thing..." She smushed his face in-between her bosoms. "You really are a nervous wreck, aren't you?"

Ness woulda objected to this in a heartbeat, but considering he had a pair of boobs in his face, he'd gladly hold his tongue forever. ...Oh, great. His hands were still between her legs and now he was being smothered by her boobs. This was so full of innuendo, he couldn't stand it.

Not hearing an answer, Lucas assumed Ness' blank stare and flushed face hinted at anguish. "Aw Ness, I'm so sorry! I never realized! All this nonsense really _is _getting to you, isn't it?"

Yes, talking boobs, he was very distressed and needed immediate consolation.

She briskly rubbed his head. "See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't like it when you're tense. It makes me tense. And you've been this way for the last few days."

"No'm not..." he mumbled, face still in her boobs.

She looked dejected. "Ness, stop lying to me. It really hurts when you do. It's like I'm not good enough to know the truth, so you hide it by lying."

"But m'not, really..."

She continued to yammer on as she rubbed his scalp harder, making him tremble uncontrollably at the sensation. Dammit, she was seducing him again. Should he tell her? Was it unintentional, or was she trying to make him melt like an ice cube in a microwave?

"...Well, maybe some nice R&R'll get you to stop fibbing, then." She grinned and pulled back, firmly placing her hands on each side of his head. "So relax... I mean, you've had a long day, right?"

"Yeah..."

"But now it's time to sleep it all away, right?"

"Y-Yeah..."

She slowly laid him down. "And get a good night's sleep, right?"

"Uh-huuuuuuuh..." Oh geez, he was slurring now. Had he no resistance?

Lucas joined him in lying in bed, sharply inhaling and hitching her chest as she placed her forehead against Ness', all while still holding his head in place and looking at him endearingly. "So... you know what I want you to do for me now?"

He woulda asked with something like, "Huh?" or "What?", but his vocabulary was all but existent at this point. He couldn't even begin to describe what he inquired her with.

"Go. To. Sleep," she answered, playfully tapping his cheek with each word.

He smirked dopily. "...Heh, easiest thing I've done all day."

She returned it. "Then do it."

"I will."

"When?"

"In a sec."

"It's been more than that."

"So?"

"You're still talking to me."

"Well, maybe I like talking to you."

"Well, maybe I like talking to _you_."

"Well, maybe I won't go to sleep so soon."

"Well, maybe..." She nuzzled his nose with her own. "Maybe I like that."

He scoffed and pushed her away, to which she responded by playfully shoving his shoulder. This soon erupted into a light tussle; nothing much, just poking, pushing, tickling, laughing, and whatnot. It didn't last long though, as both were already pretty tuckered out. It eventually ended with a sleepy embrace between the two, Lucas placing her chin on Ness' head while he found refuge in the crook of her neck.

He yawned and she smiled. "Ness?"

"Huh?"

"Can you do me another favor?"

He was almost afraid to ask. "...What?"

"...Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"...About the guys. What they've been doing to you."

"..." He made a face.

"I know told me about Red and what a tightwad he's been being lately, but... that's all you told me. You didn't really elaborate or anything."

"..."

"So, tell me everything you can. Please? I haven't really been paying attention, I know, but if whatever happened last night was enough to get you so depressed today, then I want to know it all. Don't hold back; I'm all ears."

...So he did. He told her everything he could remember them doing to him. The threats, the taunts, the dirty looks, the occasional ganging up on him, everything. He felt like a spineless tattletale, spilling himself out like this, but she'd actually _asked_ him this; like she actually cared! He'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity with a callous, "It's nothing, just forget it."

He didn't even pay attention to Lucas' responses, he just told her how the Idiot Brigade had been making his stay there a hellish nightmare for the last few months. Granted, they'd lightened up over time, but still...

Ness got so enthralled in tattling on his enemies, he could've sworn he literally fell asleep talking about the time Red commanded Charizard to set his hat on fire while he was trying to take an innocent leak outside.

* * *

Morning came. Ness woke up. What a surprise. He and Toon Link played pretty late into the night, but he usually slept longer than this. That was odd... Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and checked the nightstand's clock.

...8:42am? It had to be kidding him. He was never much of a morning person, so never got up that early; it was just too inhumane. He rubbed his face again and suddenly remembered he'd shared the bed with Lucas last night. Looking to his side, he noticed she was missing and pouted. That must've been what roused him from his slumber; the very fact he didn't sense her presence was probably enough to wake him up from a coma. ...Probably.

The only thing that remanded of her now was a slight imprint in the sheets and her distinct cherry scent he loved to smell so much. He actually grabbed her pillow and took a nice, long whiff to simulate her presence, shamefully getting a little rush from it.

...

...

...

He blanched, pulling away from the cushion in horror. Oh no! No, no! He wasn't going down that road again, no! He already violated this thing once; he wasn't gonna degrade himself by doing it again.

Annoyed at even getting the idea, Ness was about to fling the pillow across the room in pent-up frustration, but had to stop. Instead, he returned it to his lap and regarded it fondly. ...Gah, he couldn't throw this thing. What'd it ever do to him? It was a pillow. And it being Lucas' only doubled its innocence.

...

Sighing, he pouted again and hugged the pillow, plopping his face onto its top. Aw, that was just great; he was starting to go soft. Spending the night with Lucas must've done... something and he now felt overwhelmingly gushy. He actually had the nerve to nuzzle it a little. Why?! He had no intent on humping it now, just to snuggle and cuddle it.

...Yeah, he needed to find Lucas, and fast.

* * *

After a quick shower and not having anything better to do, he decided to go and find his feminine half. The bed was still a little warm from where she slept when he woke up, so she couldn't have gone far. Hands in his pockets, he decided to mosey around, pretending to look annoyed and uninterested. He couldn't let anyone know how eagerly he wanted to find her, after all.

Was she somewhere upstairs? He walked up and down the hallway to check. No. Most of the rooms were vacant anyway, evident by the locked doors and no answers to his knocking.

Was she in the living room? He went downstairs to see Mario, Bowser, Sonic, and Captain Falcon on the couch, watching a fight. That was nice and all, but there was no Lucas.

He ventured into the main hallway, rounded some corners, went into the Smash Lounge, peeked in some bathrooms, rounded more corners, tried the lunchroom, foyer, closets, patio, backside of the house, everywhere. Everywhere he could go, he went. And every time, he came up empty-handed. Everyone knew this place inside-out, and yet, people _still_ went missing when they were needed most. What the hell?

Tired of looking around this early in the morning, Ness just said "screw it" and decided to go have some breakfast. Maybe he could catch up with Toon Link there, too. Playing games was almost as good as having Lucas around, anyway. He stretched and yawned as he went back through the house and towards the lunchroom for breakfast, passing and greeting some lingering Smashers.

No sooner had he finished chatting with a chummy Luigi, Ness soon had the misfortune of walking off and right into the scourge of the house.

Red. That _bastard_. He glared past him to see he'd brought his cronies, in the form of Kirby and Popo.

"Hey, good morning, loser!" He pinned him to wall. "Up kinda early, aren'tcha? Oh well, whatever. It's probably 'cuz you're just dying to get Round 2 started, huh?"

"..." Ness remained unmoved.

"Oh hey, whassa matter? Meowth got your tongue?" he snickered.

"Not today, Red," he said, prying him off and turning to go. "Leave me alone."

Of course, the trainer still had a bone to pick with him, yanking him back and pinning him to the wall again. "What's the big rush? You don't have fight to get to, right?"

"As I matter of fact, I do."

"Liar. I checked your schedule; you don't have a fight until noon."

So now the dude was checking his schedule?! Oh, that was bad. Very bad.

"So, c'mon." He let go and tightened his fists. "Let's go. You and me, right now. C'mon."

"Red, I don't know what's your problem, but stop it, all right? I don't wanna fight you unless it's in a match."

"Oh, so wimping out on me, huh? Figured as much. I thought yesterday you were just tired or something, but no, you're wimping out."

Ness sneered. "Wow, Red. I used to think you were an asshole, but now I see you're just downright sadistic."

"Funny, I was about to say the same to you, especially after what you did to Lucas."

_Ugh!_ Not this crap again! This was enough to make Ness to storm off when Kirby blocked his way.

"Kirby. ...Move it," he demanded, angrily clenching his fists.

The puffball declined him. "Sorry Ness, but we can't let you go just yet! Red said he wanted to beat you up good, and you're not leaving until he does!"

Scoffing, Ness went the other way, only to have Popo stop him. "Yeah, sorry! Nothing against you, but you're staying here until he's done! Beside, Red said he'd give us each 100 Smash Coins if he made you bleed profusely! ...Whatever that means."

This guy was outta his mind! This was so illegal, it wasn't even funny. Backed up against the wall, Ness decided to relinquish himself again. Not that it would work or anything; he was just stalling for time... not that he knew exactly what he was stalling for.

He glared flatly at the snide trainer. "Red, come on. You kicked my ass, all right? Why do you hafta do it again? Over Lucas? What would she say?"

"Who cares what she says? You've gotten her hypnotized or something. She'll always be on your side 'cuz of that."

Ness facepalmed. And just when he thought things couldn't get any stupider...

"But enough talk." He roughly pushed him the chest. "I actually got a fight in an hour, so let's make this quick. I'll need time to go wash the blood off my hands, y'know."

"...Don't _push_ me," he growled, shoving Red back.

He did so again, harder. "Then _do_ something about it."

So he did, shoving the trainer hard enough to make him stumble back. The glower on Red's face showed he didn't appreciate it at all.

...The two had a bit of a staredown before Red came outta nowhere with a punch, barely missing and knocking Ness' hat crooked. Meanwhile, Ness got a few feet away, trying to see if he could make a break for it. Unfortunately, Kirby and Popo weren't having it. He knew if he so much as turned the other way, they'd catapult him back into Red, who'd happily open another can of whoopass on his... ass.

Red quickly strode over to administer another punch or something, all while Ness tried to keep his distance. This went on for a bit, Ness scurrying away, all while Red followed and his pals kept a boundary to how far he could escape. Finally, Ness got tired of Red constantly lessening the gap between them and puffed up his chest.

All right, that was it. As much as he didn't wanna fight, his anger was starting to override his insecurity. Maybe he _would_ get his head handed to him again, but dammit, he'd hafta try. Red had officially gotten too big for his britches, and now it was time to take him down a couple notches. Red didn't even hafta to make some stupid remark to get his blood boiling this time. Ness was ready for him, and he could tell.

Fueled by his newfound ambition, Ness angrily charged forward and was about to slug him in the stomach when Red suddenly unleashed a vicious thrust of a punch that probably woulda broken his jaw had he hit a little harder.

Usually, this woulda disheartened Ness, but he was surprised to feel himself become infuriated from it. Using this newfound frustration, he knocked that_ stupid_ grin off Red's face with a heavy, retaliating blow. Ness get on guard as Red distanced himself, sizing up his opponent while the psychic did the same. He then lurched forward with another fierce swing, but Ness ducked and swung his arm into his gut, knocking the air outta him. This obviously stunned him, as he hesitated long enough for Ness to grab his vest and hurl him off to the side.

Red staggered to stop his fall, running into an onlooking Kirby in doing so. Despite this, he was soon back in the fray with a barrage of punches, to which Ness answered with a barrage of his own. Much ducking and swaying was involved, and both took it on the chin several times, but Ness got lucky enough to spot an opening and heavily socked Red's jaw. As Ness had been leaning forward to do this, Red threw himself forward and brought down a sharp elbow on the back of his neck. He was answered with a jab to the side, which made him lose his balance.

Ness took this opportunity to tackle Red and plowed him into the ground, grabbing his collar and jerking him angrily just to show he meant business. The trainer gritted his teeth as he held him for a few seconds, both seething. They always said actions spoke louder than words; case in point, why they were both regarding each other in silent detest.

Finally, Red stopped showing clenched teeth and just stared at him in pure hatred, causing Ness to turn his nose up. He didn't feel like finishing the job, so he roughly shoved the trainer into the ground like that was where he belonged and stood to saunter off. He didn't have time to mess with him anymore; he had Lucas to find. Besides, there was no better way to end a fight than to dominate it, then leave.

Unfortunately, Ness didn't have long to relish in his victory before Red jolted up from the floor and sent him into a table with a blow across the back of his head, stooping to a new low and smashing his face into it. Ness fell over backwards in immediate pain, clutching his face with an anguished groan. He swore, if that bastard broke something—!

The trainer was already on top of him by the time Ness recovered, him grabbing his collar and poised to punch when Red himself was heavily slugged. The sheer force was enough to knock him off and topple to the floor in stunned pain. This woulda been cool and all if the culprit had been Ness, but he hadn't moved an inch, as he was still on the ground, throbbing from the assault.

Someone then angrily stepped over him, not in vengeance, but protection. He automatically recognized the orange sneakers with the mango-colored tips, the smooth, scrawny legs, and nice butt, clad in tight jean shorts. Scowling, he bit his lip.

Red, furious from the impact, leapt up to blindly punch who he presumably thought was Ness. He then stepped back to grin at his resulting pain, but his smile suddenly dropped as he was met with a dark scowl from not him, but Lucas. Ness noticed she was accompanied by a now-startled Toon Link, hands over his mouth in shock. Meanwhile, Kirby and Popo stood off to the side, mouths agape.

"...!" The trainer blanched, reaching out to gently stroke the red blemish he'd left on her face. "L-Lucas! I—"

_"Don't touch me,"_ she hissed, slapping his hand away.

"..." He immediately withdrew, feigning innocence.

Ness was still on the floor so he couldn't see her expression, but he could literally see how furious she was from the way she was heatedly breathing. She then inhaled, to speak, doing so quietly.

"...You know, you guys have a lot of nerve... So this is what's come to, huh? Harassing and bullying Ness over my affection? Does that make you feel big? Make you feel like you're better than everyone else?"

"...Uh..."

"...You know what?" She tightened her fits. "...I've had it up to here with all this senseless fighting. And even after I just told you _yesterday_ to knock it off. ...You think this impresses me? It doesn't. At all. ...So, I'm going to tell you all something right here, right now; I don't feel like repeating myself, so listen up. All of you."

"..." Like a pack of trained dogs, the Idiot Brigade did as told and gave her their undivided attention. Kirby and Popo, who were standing, stupidly plopped their asses on the floor to listen, not even bothering to look for a chair.

"...Picking on Ness? Knock it off. It's not funny. I don't like it and he doesn't like it, so stop. Roughhousing is okay, but you've all taken this way, _way_ too far. May I go as far as to call it torture?"

"It's not—" Popo weakly tried.

She cut him off with a glare. "I'm _not_ done."

"..." Popo simply dropped his hand. Meanwhile, Kirby and Red looked on in horror. Who was this girl, and what had she done with their Lucas?

"I've tried to remain calm about this for some time now, but this is the final straw; had I known this was going on behind my back, I would've put a stop to this a long ago. I don't mind you guys saying I'm pretty or doing things for me, but treating Ness like he's some sort of criminal is out of the question."

"..."

"I'm going to say this one more time: Do **_NOT_** let me catch you harassing Ness again. If I so much as thinking one of you is bothering him—" She cracked her knuckles. "I'll pay whatever you're doing to him back, double. Don't think just because I'm pregnant I can't knock some sense into you. And if I can't do it, wait 'til I tell Peach, who'll tell Mario, who'll tell Master Hand."

Ness could've sworn the color from everyone's face drained from that, his included.

"Now **_get out_**," she darkly muttered, pointing towards a hallway.

...Faces filled with terror and shame from making her get this way, the puffball and Ice Climber slowly trudged out, not once looking Lucas in the face. They were too busy sadly looking at the floor, after all. Even though Toon Link wasn't in trouble, Ness noticed him slightly hiding his face in her side. He wouldn't have minded joining him.

Indifferent, Red stood in alone in the room. "..."

"..." Lucas stared him down.

Ness could tell he desperately wanted to say something stupid to appease her, but Lucas wasn't having it. She dared him to open his mouth.

"..." Red decided not to take that dare and shoved his hands inside his pockets, casually strolling off as if nothing ever happened.

...Again, things were deathly quiet as Lucas watched him leave. Her, Toon Link, and Ness just sat there in an unsettling silence until Lucas slowly lowered her pointing arm and held her head back, hissing in pain as she rubbed her face with a whiny, "Owwwwwwww...!"

Toon Link finally found the will to speak and came to her aid. "Lucas? You okay?"

"Yeah..." She winced as she gingerly touched her sore spot. "But remind me to never do that again. It hurt...!"

He chuckled nervously. "Heh heh, o-okay."

Lucas stepped away from standing over Ness, allowing him to get up. She faced him with a perky expression, expecting him to be all tough and ungrateful for her help like always. Not that she minded it or anything; she actually found it cute.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Ness, but those guys had to learn their lesson. Hopefully, I got the point across this time..." She smiled, raising a clenched fist. "Or else, right?"

"..." He stared at her. When it came to complementing her face, his expression didn't look too perky. It actually didn't look happy at all; it looked more... annoyed.

"Ness...? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Lucas turned her head in confusion, all while Toon Link seemed to realize what was wrong.

"..." Ness didn't answer, he just kept staring. Thinking some TLC would help, Lucas took a step forward to embrace him, but he quickly took two steps back. It was like he didn't wanna be anywhere near her...

This seemed to worry Lucas, and for good reason. "...Ness?"

"..." Not even wanting to look at her anymore, Ness lowered his head, fixed his hat and shirt, and promptly left.

"Wait, Ness! Where're you going?" Lucas yearningly called. She was about to give chase and almost caught up with him when Toon Link caught an arm, pulling her back.

Annoyed, she pouted. "Toon Link, stop. What're you doing? I want to go talk to Ness..."

"Lucas, please. I think you should stay here..."

Smiling, she gently pulled away. "It's okay, I just want to talk... You know how stubborn he is sometimes; all he needs is a little hug or something."

Toon Link quickly ran ahead and blocked her path, looking upon her in pity with his big, cat-like eyes. "Lucas, listen to me. I really think you should leave Ness alone now."

"But... why?"

"He's in a very bad mood right now. If you follow him..." He looked back at Ness angrily rounding a corner. "I fear he may hurt you."

Lucas looked taken aback. "...Hurt me? But... Ness loves me. He would never do that..."

"Love is very powerful, but so is anger. And I don't want to wait and see which overrides the other. So, please... stay."

Lucas looked off to see Ness was long gone and sighed. "...Okay. But... why would Ness be angry at me? All I did was help him out..."

Toon Link frowned sadly. "That's just it. By doing that, you hurt something of Ness', and moreso than Red could ever hope to."

Lucas went pale. "...What?"

"His pride."

* * *

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ See? Told ya._


	22. Coordinating with the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ All I can say for this installment is I think the Idiot Brigade's days are numbered. _

* * *

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 22:_**_ Coordinating with the Undeniable_

* * *

Lucas quietly sipped some orange juice in the lunchroom, putting it down and attacking her yummy plate of waffles covered in soy sauce and sausages in sauerkraut. On the other side of the table, a wimpy glass of apple juice, jellied toast, and scrambled eggs by his side, Toon Link watched in silent disgust.

"So," asked Lucas, nibbling on a sausage, "you're saying what I did back there for Ness was a... bad thing?"

It took Toon Link a second to respond, repulsed by her messed up appetite. "...Oh! Uh, yeah. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that, Lucas."

"But... why? All I did was come to his rescue. He'd do the same for me in a heartbeat."

"Well, that's true," He looked down and bit into his toast before gazing upon her again, "but see, Ness is a guy, and unlike girls, guys have certain standards to uphold."

"What? That's not true." She pouted. "I have certain standards, too..."

"Excuse me for saying so, but they're not the same as a boy's. As guys, we have our reputation, our strength, our courage, our very manhood to defend. It's just in our nature to uphold it and prove it as often as we can against whatever we can. When we fight or defend others is when it comes out most."

"Same for me."

"Not necessarily..."

Lucas turned her mouth up. "How so?"

"Well... Ness coming to your rescue is okay, because girls are usually softer and don't have the driving force of a guy. ...But you defending him, especially in your condition, is like a deathblow to his masculinity. Maybe _you_ feel good about knowing you came to his aid, but you also succeeded shattering his confidence. And this hasn't been the first time this had happened, right? You defending him all the time is probably making feel him pretty pathetic."

"..."

"I get the feeling Ness wants to redeem himself, and do it the only way he can; by himself. Even if he got completely pummeled, I think that'd be better than having a girl fight his battles for him."

Lucas weakly picked at her food, suddenly asking, "...Would you be mad if I ever came to _your_ rescue?"

That question seemed to startle Toon Link, making him frown sadly. "...As appreciative as I would be, in a case like that... I would be a little cross."

She looked hurt. "..."

"I'm so sorry, Lucas. That's just the way things are. That's why guys are guys and girls are girls. I mean, would you always want to have to be firm and tough like a guy? Be ready to take it on the chin and fight back? Not be sweet or soft at all, in fear of someone else criticizing you for it?"

Lucas shuddered. All of that hit home, as everyone _did_ used to criticize her for not manning up or having the balls to do anything. She always thought something was amiss when she found the average boy activity to be loud and annoying, going off to pick some flowers, cook, or clean instead.

Seeing her disgruntled expression, Toon Link went on. "See what I mean? I understand you only wanted to protect Ness, but he's got to fight his own battles. I know this may be difficult for you to consider, but if something like this ever happens again, please stay out of it. Run if you have to. There's no shame in a girl getting away from a fight over her."

"..." Biting her lip, Lucas blinked rapidly as her eyes began to water, cheeks already starting to redden.

Toon Link hitched his breath. "...I haven't offended you or anything, right?"

"No..." she hoarsely choked. No sooner had she said that, a pair of tears ran down her face, followed by soft hiccupping.

The male blonde panicked. Oh no, now look what he did! He'd gone and made her cry! Fortunately, it was a quiet, timid one, so no one in the chaos-filled cafeteria seemed to notice.

Flustered, he quickly ran over to console her. "Uh! L-Lucas, what's wrong? Why're you crying?"

Lucas didn't answer, instead, muffling her crying in his shirt. Although startled, Toon Link stood his ground and embraced her, patting her back.

"Aw, i-it's okay," he consoled, not sure what was wrong. "It'll be alright, don't worry. Um, I-I'm here for you..."

Amid her whimpering, she wheezed, "T-Toon Link...?"

"Huh?"

"...I betrayed Ness, didn't I?"

"Huh?!"

"It's all my fault. I knew I should've kept my nose out of it, but... I just wanted to help... I didn't mean to hurt him..."

"No, no, that's okay. This isn't your fault at all."

"Yes, it is." She rubbed her nose. "Don't sugarcoat it; I know I messed up... I made him mad at me for getting in the way..."

"No, no..." He pulled away and wiped her tears with a napkin. "He's just a little annoyed, but it's not your fault; it's Red's, he started all this."

She sniffled. "..."

"R-remember? I mean, he _hit_ you, Lucas. D-do you know how close I was to attacking him for that?"

This shocked her. "...You were going to... attack him?"

"I sure was, he hurt you! I don't care if it was an accident; you don't hit girls! ...Excluding Brawls, but that's a different story. Uh, here. Your nose's running a little..." He offered the napkin.

"Oh, thank you," Lucas calmed down a little, blowing her nose in it. "Sorry, kind of lost myself there for a second..."

"It's okay. I'm sorry if I made you upset. Maybe I worded it wrong..."

She shook her head. "No, it's not you. I just... I just hate I disappointed Ness."

"But you didn't disappoint him. We were all in the wrong place at the wrong time, that's all."

She sniffed. "Toon Link... He looked so... angry at me, though. I've never seen him so upset before. He didn't even want me to touch him. ...And he loves it when I touch him. Ness is very touchy-feely, believe it or not."

That sounded a little hard to fathom. "Um... Really?"

"Oh, sure." She smiled a little. "You wouldn't believe how affectionate he is. He only acts like a toughie in public because he doesn't want anyone to pick on him for it. He's very sensitive, you see."

That sounded _impossible_ to fathom. "...He is?"

"Don't get me wrong; Ness is no pushover. A bit on the soft side, that's all. Kind of like you."

That comparison made him blush like crazy. "Uh, I... Er, um... Really...?"

"Yeah." She sighed and got herself together. "But I think I'll give him some time alone now. Probably doesn't want me around, crying and whining over him."

"Sure, go take a break or something. Relax, take a nap, go stay with someone for a while. This'll all blow over soon, I'm sure."

"Think I will. ...Maybe I'll go outside. Nature always makes me feel better." She stood and pet Toon Link. "Thank you for dealing with me, though. I'm so glad you wised up and stopped hanging around Red. You're too good for that."

He gushed again. "Aw, well... I mean, it wasn't like... Uh..."

"I'll see you later then. Maybe we can catch up some more over lunch, okay?" And with that, she sauntered off.

Toon Link sighed as she left. He really hoped she didn't run into Red before they met up again. Staying away from Kirby and Popo may've been a good idea, too. Hopefully, her rage from earlier scared some distance between them.

...

Hopefully.

* * *

Remembering he'd promised to play some more games with Ness, Toon Link decided to go back to the Zelda Room and wait for him. He needed something to do before his next battle, anyway. No sooner had he closed the door, he jumped back with a squeal upon seeing him on his bed.

"Oh my gosh!" A hand clutched his chest, eyes wide and pupils small. "Ness, don't do that! You scared me! H-how'd you get in here, anyway?!"

"When I came, Zelda was leaving for a fight, so she let me in," he quietly answered.

"O-oh..." He sighed and tried to smile, but Ness' flat expression immediately killed it. "...Um... Something wrong?"

"Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing..." Ness seemed to be a bit miffed at something.

Toon Link gulped, hoping the anger he thought he sensed was from the earlier fight. "...No, w-what makes you ask that?"

"You seem pretty edgy for someone who's about to play a video game."

"O-oh, well... Heh heh, you know... I'm just excited, that's all. Heh heh... heh heh... Heh?"

The PSI user stared at him. "..."

"..." Toon Link began sweating bullets. Oh, man. He just knew Ness must've somehow known something was up with Lucas. He was psychic, she was psychic; he must've been able to, like, feel her sadness or something.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...I saw you hugging Lucas in the lunchroom, y'know. And her crying," finally said Ness.

"Ididn'! ''swhatyouthink!" he sputtered, recoiling.

Ness regarded his fear for a second before easing up. "...No, it's okay. I heard some of what you told her and just wanted to say... thanks."

"Iwasonlytryingtohelp—" He stopped. "Huh?"

"Yeah, the whole guys and girls thing? That was real nice of you. Don't think I coulda said it any better myself... Or without pissing her off."

"So... you're not mad?"

"At you? No, I'm just glad you stood in for me when she needed it most. Really, thank you."

"Oh, well." He blushed. "I couldn't just leave her all alone and confused..."

"Where is she now? She's... safe, right?" He seemed reluctant in asking, probably not wanting to sound too worried.

"She went outside to get some fresh air."

He shuffled a little. "She's not... mad at me, is she?"

"Huh?"

"It's okay if she is. Probably called me a whole buncha nasty things behind my back, huh?"

"On the contrary, she thinks you're mad at her."

"...She does? Why?"

"Thinks you're mad about her defending you all the time."

"..."

"So? Are you?"

"No. I was never mad at her. Annoyed, yeah, but not mad..."

Ness was shocked he even had to ask that. Only a cold, heartless bastard could get mad at Lucas. And staying mad at her was nearly impossible. The poor thing meant well, she just didn't know any better. He was certain she'd annoyed the crap outta more than her fair share of people, but anger? Not unless they were a bad guy... or just plain mean.

"..." Toon Link seemed puzzled.

Ness lowered his head a little. "She's not... avoiding me, right?"

Now it was Toon Link's turn to shuffle. "I think she is."

He growled. "...Dammit. This is all Red's fault. I swear, I'm gonna tear him a new one."

"We'll deal with that later," advised Toon Link. "I mean, Lucas is safe, Red's off somewhere, and you made it out in one piece. That's good enough, right?"

"No, it's not. I can't keep running away from him. There's gotta be a way to shut Red the hell up once and for all. I'm getting so friggin' sick of this..."

The other boy shrugged. "This is all illegal, anyway, so I say we just tell Master Hand before things get even more out of... hand. ...No pun intended."

"Tattling'll only make things worse. I need to nip this in the bud." He slumped over. "But no matter what I do, Red just keeps coming back for more. I mean, I'm all up for a fight here and there, but he's taken it way too far; almost to the point where it's more like he's trying to do me in..."

"..." Toon Link blinked.

"Rivalry's one thing, but I feel Red just wants see me drop dead and _die_." Ness literally hissed out the last word.

"Like I said, deal with it later. It's not like you can do anything about it now." The blonde pat his shoulder. "Besides, things always get worse before they get better, right? Just give it some time."

...Ness was shocked to realize it, but that actually cheered him up a little. See? Now, _that_ was the kinda common sense this house desperately needed. He never knew why Toon Link was part of the Idiot Brigade to begin with. He was probably the most level-headed person in the house, so it didn't make any sense. ...Then again, he was easily-persuaded, too. Lucas was the main factor, sure, but he probably just got in on it 'cuz everyone else did.

Seeing his words weren't in vain, he smiled. "Come on. I have a fight in a few hours, so let's go."

Although reluctantly, the psychic returned it. "...Okay."

Toon Link then promptly tripped on his way to turn on the GameCube, a flailing hand still hitting the 'Power' button. Ness tried to stifle a laugh, but the look on his companion's face was hilarious. Poor guy looked like he'd been hit by an invisible truck. He then had the nerve to say he meant do that.

Despite his pitiful excuse for his clumsiness, they continued on with the game from last night. Things were just starting to heat up when someone knocked on the door, making Ness pause and groan. And they were about to fight a boss, too...

"Oh no, I hope it's not Link. He's such a party-crasher..." Toon Link sighed, reluctantly going over to open the door.

"Want me to throw the game box at him?" joked Ness. He immediately stopped laughing when Toon Link did, both looking at the open door in shock.

They were surprised to see not only was it not Link, but someone they never thought would have the nerve to come there.

"...Popo?"

Ness sneered. "..."

"Yeah..." The Ice Climber rubbed his head. "Um... Hey, guys."

"Hey, yourself," responded Toon Link, still a little surprised.

He looked around outside, suddenly appearing insecure. "Um... Can I come in? Just for a sec? Please?"

"Uh, sure."

Popo cautiously entered as Toon Link closed the door and approached Ness, whose eyes were currently glued to the game's pause screen. He had nothing to say to him. Why did Toon Link even let him in, anyway? His disgruntled expression asked the green kid this as he walked past him and returned to where he was sitting, only answering with a shrug. Damn his generosity.

Not really known for his way of words or intelligence, Popo fiddled with his hammer in apprehension. "Hey, um... Ness?"

"..."

"Ness?"

"..."

Thinking Ness couldn't hear him, he poked him with the handle of his mallet. "...Helloooo?"

"...Whaddya you want?" he growled in detest, shoving it away.

Popo made a face. "..."

Ness scowled at him. "…"

He sighed, looking down. "...Hey, uh, Ness? Can we talk?"

"No." He unpaused and went back to the game, Toon Link reluctantly continuing with him. Again, damn his generosity. He probably wanted to actually hear him out.

"But... it's about Lucas..."

"Then it's a definite no."

"But... please? I... feel I need to get something out about her."

"..." Ness wasn't having it.

He went on, regardless. "...I didn't like what she did today."

"..." Ness didn't seem to care, focused on the game.

"I've never seen her that mad before. It was kinda... scary..."

"Well, that's what you get when you mess with women." He felt that needed to be said; not to Popo, just to be stated as nothing but cold, hard truth.

"Well, I didn't like it and I don't ever wanna see her do that again..."

"..."

"And the only reason she got like that, I think, was because we were with Red, who was picking a fight with you, right?"

Ness didn't answer. He knew damn well that was why. Popo may've been stupid, but he wasn't _that_ stupid. ...Maybe.

Popo assumed he was right. "So, if that's the case, to not make her like it means to stop that. ...Right?"

"..."

"And if that's what it takes, then Ness..."

"..."

"I'm sorry."

...Whut? He looked away from the TV, Toon Link hurriedly pausing as they were about to get attacked by an enemy.

He shrugged. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't think Lucas would ever get so... upset at us for that. It really hurt for her to yell at us, but it was even worse she was so mad. And I don't like people I like to be mad at me."

Ness wanted clarification. "...So what're you trying to say?"

"That if leaving you alone will truly make Lucas happy, then I'll do it." He shrugged. "It was fun messing around with you for a bit, but now it's getting really tenacious."

Toon Link made a face. "...You mean 'tedious', right?"

Probably not hearing him, Popo rubbed his head. "Actually, I was starting to get tired of chasing after you, anyway. You think being the target's bad? Our job was even worse!"

The capped boy made a face. "...Izzat so?"

"You bet it is! Red is such a jerk! He never listens to a thing we say, even if it _was_ helpful!"

Toon Link seemed to identify. "You guys never listened to a thing I said, either!"

"Well, that's 'cuz you were so rational about everything. I wasn't like that, and Red barely paid a bit of attention to me! He just bosses us around and sics his Pokémon on us all the time!"

"Wait..." Ness blinked. "He does that to you guys, too?"

"Yeah! And for no good reason! Every time something doesn't go his way, we're always to blame, even if it was his fault!"

"Red's always been bad about doing that," added Toon Link, facing Ness, "but he's been getting increasingly abusive in his power. I'd be lying if I didn't say that was part of the reason I left."

"I'm just sick of playing fifth banana to Red and his stupid ideas. I have the attention span of a block of cheese, and I could come up with better ideas than hi—" Suddenly, his analogy proved itself true as he noticed Ness accidentally unpause. "Ooh, hey! What's that?"

"Oh, Four Swords Adventures. Me and Ness're just playing it, see?" answered Toon Link, killing the enemy about to hit him. He then made a face. "...Also, I think you meant 'second banana' back there, not fifth."

"Yeah, yeah..." Popo disregarded this and rudely wedged his way inbetween the two on the bed. "So... what're you two doing? Who's the bad guy, that red one? Where're you going? What's that over there? Who's winning? Is it a tie?"

"...Hey." Seeing his evident interest and incessant questions would probably become a problem, Toon Link smiled, grabbing a cobalt GBA from somewhere. "You want to get in? This is Link's, but you can use it if you want. You'll play with us and figure out everything first-hand."

"Why? What's the catch? This is a trap, isn't it?"

"No," he innocently answered, "just an invitation."

"Like to a party?! I'm in!" Popo grabbed the GBA and got connected before Toon Link could explain that wasn't what he meant. "Ooh, can I be Blue? I wanna be Blue! That's my fav color! I can be Blue, right?"

"Yes, you're Player 3, so you'll be Blue."

"But I'm Blue."

"Yeah, so you're Player 3."

Popo cocked his head. "But... I'm Blue."

"Well, yeah, but you're also Player 3."

"But I don't wanna be Player 3. I wanna be Blue."

Toon Link sighed. "Player 3 _is_ Blue."

"Who's Player 3, anyway? Is he the bad guy?!"

"No, Popo. _You_ are Player 3, and you control Blue Link."

"Are they the same people?"

"Yes."

"How'd that happen?!"

Toon Link facepalmed, as did Ness. "Ugh..."

* * *

Red snapped out of a deep thought in the living room. It was a little after four in the afternoon, and the house was running as normal, but for some reason... he felt alone.

...

He frowned. Something was up. Where was Popo? And Toon Link? Why hadn't he seen them since that morning? Why weren't they hanging around with him and conspiring against Ness like usual? What was the deal with Toon Link only showing up earlier with Lucas and not him? What was going on? He felt somehow... abandoned; left alone on a sinking ship, in a sense.

Only Kirby sat by his side now, looking equally puzzled. At least the ball was still loyal to him, but that still didn't explain the sudden disappearance of their other two comrades. Missing both the dumbest and smartest members of the group, they stared at the turned-off TV before them, unsure of what else to do. There were fights going on, but neither was focused enough to grab the remote and check it out.

Finally, Kirby looked at him. "...Red?"

"What?"

"...Where is everyone?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't be sitting here with you now, would I?" he snapped.

Kirby turned back to staring back at the blank TV. "...Sorry, I just asked, sheesh."

...

"...Something's wrong," said the trainer, crossing his arms and legs. "Very wrong. This... isn't like them not to show up like this. And they don't have fights right now, either. I know; I checked."

"Yeah, and Popo was just here this morning," mused Kirby. He sighed. "...Maybe Lucas scared him off..."

Red's eyes narrowed. "I haven't seen her around, either..."

"I saw her at breakfast earlier," offered the puffball. "She didn't look too happy, though..."

"Who was she with?"

"TL."

He scoffed. "Oh, nevermind, then. He's on our side. I bet she was sad 'cuz bastard Ness probably yelled at her or something. Imma knock his block off if he did."

Kirby sighed. "I just hope she's okay..."

"I'm sure she is. TL's got it all handled. Nothing to worry about."

"But what if _he's_ handling _her_? I mean, even _I_ haven't seen him in a while."

"..."

Realizing he had a point, the trainer jolted up and catapulted over the couch, off to give that sneaky little traitor a piece of his mind. Dumbfounded, all Kirby could do was turn around in time to see him crash into a laughing Ness, Popo, and Toon Link coming in from a hallway. The impact was enough to knock everyone backwards onto the ground.

"Ow!" yelped Toon Link as he tumbled over Popo.

"Hey!" shouted Popo as he stumbled into Ness.

"Dude, watch where you're going!" Ness spat, blindly waving an angry fist at the perpetrator.

"Well, well, well," chuckled Red, standing. "Look who decided to run into me."

"...Dumbass. You ran into _me_," corrected Ness.

"Whatever, hater. Get ready, 'cuz I still gotta bone to pick with you."

Ness tightened a fist. "Red, you saw what I did to you this morning. Don't think I can't do it again."

"Pfft, don't even try to bluff. I was clearly winning, just like I have been since the bathroom brawl. Lucas kinda got in the way, but she's been hypnotized by you, so it's not her fault."

Ness massaged his temples in irritation as Toon Link frowned. "...Red, that doesn't make any sense. Ness can't do that."

"He's psychic; of course he can. Psychic Pokémon can, so he should be able to, too."

"Well, it's not like he'd even have to. Lucas does things for him of her own free will."

"...Or 'cuz she's hypnotized, which is what she is." He made a face. "And why're you standing up for him, anyway? Get back over here with us; Ness is the enemy, remember?"

"I don't see how," he defended.

Red looked a little shocked. "TL, what's gotten into you? Of course he is. Need I remind you what he's done to Lucas?"

Toon Link looked away in disgust as the trainer made a disturbing gesture of intercourse with his hands. "...That may've been true, but that's not my business. And I'm sure they had their... reasons. Making love can be very therapeutic if done right."

"Making lo—?" He facepalmed. "TL, he _banged_ her! Banged. Her."

"Perhaps you're just calling it that because that's _your_ intention."

Red's face darkened, him raising an eyebrow. "...Do I sense some... hostility here?"

"'Hostility' is the wrong word. More like... rationality."

The trainer crossed his arms, looking none too pleased. "...TL, don't tell me you're honestly thinking of siding with Ness. That's treason."

"...Treason? Just because I've wised up and stopped tailing Ness around like he was a criminal is treason?"

"Well, getting it on with Lucas without her content _is_ a crime, and a very disgusting one at that."

"But he _does_ have her consent! Red, why don't you get your fingers out of your ears and listen to people for once? Lucas has said several times Ness is the only one she's going steady with, okay? I'll admit; I was in denial for a bit, too, but I know better now, and so should you. In fact..." He directed the next statement to everyone. "I think it's time we all open our eyes and stop pretending there's a 'reasonable explanation' for everything, because it's not." He turned to glare at Red. "Or if it is, it's anything but what you say it should be."

"Oh ho, woah, woah, woah, woooooah! Someone's getting a little 'tude with me, huh?" chuckled Red, amused.

"Only because you fail to realize things aren't always going to turn out the way you want them to." He helped Ness stand, not that he needed it or anything... "Now if you'll excuse us. There's a fight going on between Mario and Sonic, and we'd like to watch, please."

Disregarding his response, he went over to fetch the remote sitting next to a pensive Kirby when a Vine Whip snatched it away. Apparently, Red wasn't having it.

"We're not watching any fights until we find out where Lucas is," he said, petting a reluctant Ivysaur for her work. "Now that you and Popo are here, we can give Ness the ol' one-two and go see if she's all right."

"I dunno why you'd want us to give Ness some numbers," said Popo, obviously not knowing the phrase, "but I'm sure Lucas is fine. She's probably sleeping in their room or something."

"Perfect! Then I'll go get her." He headed for the stairs.

"Red, stop!" pleaded Toon Link, making Red face him. "Even if she was sleeping in there, don't you think waking her up would be kind of, you know, rude?"

"Not when it's her knight in shining armor."

"Red!"

"It'll take two seconds, I swear," he promised, slowly inching upstairs backwards, grinning stupidly at the boys below. He immediately stopped as he bumped into something, turning to see Ness with his arms crossed. Now how'd he get up there so fast...?

"You're not allowed to see Lucas. Not if I have anything to say about it," he sternly said.

"Ooh, really?"

"Yeah. Get back downstairs before I knock you down there myself." Okay, that threat wasn't needed. He was just asking for trouble now. Stupid testosterone.

"Well, whaddya gonna do, push me?" he mocked. "You sure as hell can't punch, so that'd be your best bet here."

Red found himself back on the floor in an instant. It was a shame he wasn't further up the stairs so more damage coulda been done, though. He didn't know what the hell just hit him, but from the throbbing in his cheekbone, he assumed it was his opponent's fist. Rage was imminent.

No sooner had he come to this realization, Red darted up the stairs to get his revenge when Toon Link got in front, struggling to push him away.

"Red, this has got to stop! No more illegal fighting! You're going to end up really hurting someone one of these days!"

"Well, that's kinda the point of fighting, right?" He tossed him aside. "Now, move it. Don't wanna poke one of your freakishly-huge eyes out. You're still kinda cool. ..._Kinda_."

He was stopped again by Popo pulling his arm. "C'mon, Red. We just wanna watch the fight. We're getting pizza afterwards, so if you stop this, we'll split it with you!"

"No thanks." He smirked, seedily eyeing Ness. "Lucas'll be satisfying enough."

That remark was the last straw as something in Ness snapped, causing him pounce on the trainer from further up the staircase. The force of Ness tackling Red sent the four, Toon Link and Popo included, to the floor in a big ball of anger and frustration.

Kirby and Ivysaur looked on in confusion as all four got into one of the biggest illegal fights they'd ever seen. Despite it being three against one, Red had a huge size advantage, swatting the others away like they were flies. Granted, they leapt right back into the fray as soon as they were knocked down, so there was no telling who was winning.

Fortunately, he and Ivysaur only had to endure the chaos for a few violent minutes before a soft hand caressed the Pokémon's head. Smiling and reveling in this, she looked up to see the person's other hand gently ask for the remote she held. Without a second thought, she handed it over.

Kirby sadly sighed at the madness before the soft hands Ivysaur came in contact with gently grabbed him, turning away from the scuffle and towards the blank TV as it was turned on. Also smiling at who it was, Kirby happily accepted a pat on the head and, along with Ivysaur, got comfortable on either side of the person as the match started.

Almost immediately, the fight stopped, the noise from the battle on TV catching their attention. Everyone looked in the direction of the couch to see a fair, blonde head of hair innocently watching. The fact that it ended in a cowlick sent everyone into a frenzy.

"Lucas!" they all exclaimed, scrambling over. Popo and Toon Link ended up on the right side of the couch, Red on the left, and Ness, desperate to keep everyone from running into her, hung over the couch from behind.

"Oh." She looked around, confused. "Hi, guys."

Red glared at Popo. "Liar! I thought you said she was sleeping!"

He frowned. "I said she was _probably_ sleeping! What do you think I am, psychic?"

"I just got back from a nature walk with Peach and Samus, actually," she answered. "Samus had a fight afterwards and Peach had to go cook a cake or something, so I came in here for some new company. ...And a fight or two, I guess."

"Aw Lucas, if you wanted some company, you shoulda asked me. I mean, two's company and three's a crowd, after all." He slyly grabbed an arm. "So how about we take this out back, hmm?"

She yanked away from him. "No. I'm fine with everyone in here, and there's more than enough room on the couch, so can we all please sit and just watch the fight?"

Toon Link and Popo were all for this as they joined her, Kirby, and Ivysaur in watching. Ness decided to keep his distance and an eye out for Lucas, so he remained behind the couch. ...He wouldn't be surprised if she didn't even know he was there.

Things went smoothly for about 3.5 seconds before Red shuffled in annoyance. Ness could see it coming a mile away from the disinterest on his face.

"Well?" he asked. "When this fight's done, we're going, right?"

Lucas turned to frown at him. "...Excuse me?"

"Yeah, y'know... Some time alone? You and me? Haven't seen you since this morning, so we've got a lot of catching up to do."

She rejected him, going back to the TV. "No, Red. Can't you stop thinking about 'spending time with me' for a few minutes?"

He smacked his lips. "Aw, Lucaaaaas... Come on, don'tcha remember the other day? In the bathroom? You didn't like my little... sample?"

Ness noticed Toon Link and Popo were staring to get annoyed, as Lucas responded with, "To be honest, Red, I didn't. You laid it on a bit thick, if you know what I mean."

"Then I'll switch it up a bit, if you want," he replied, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"No, just take a seat and hush. The fight's getting good, and your whining's ruining it."

Red's face darkened, bypassing the blonde's suitors for her. Before they could react, he'd whisked her up and away from the couch by a wrist. "...Perhaps you need a little coaxing..."

Lucas got on guard. "Red, I'm warning you—"

"Aw, c'mon... C'moooooon..." He began teasing her with some inappropriate touching. "It's not like I'm that hard to please."

Ness could already feel his anger rising, and yet, he didn't know why. Lucas knew PSI, and didn't she say earlier she could easily kick their sorry butts if she had to? Even if it was a bluff, she had the power; she could do it if she wanted! C'mon, Lucas! Knock him into next week already!

The blonde seemed to stall, shying away. "Red, knock it off. I don't have time for this..."

Red went on. "How about a kiss? Just one? Please? For your pal?"

"No!" Lucas tried jerking away. "Quit it!"

"Quit what? This?" He pushed up against her front and groped her butt.

"YES! STOP!"

He made a pouty face. "But why?"

"I don't like it!" She crazily wriggled about to get away. "Let go!"

"Then gimme a kiss."

Lucas finally pushed Red off, getting some much-needed space. "NO! GO AWAY!"

But, like a stubborn piece of flypaper, Red stuck himself on her again. "Now, why would I wanna do that when you've got so much to offer?"

Furious at this, Lucas reared back to smack him, but Red foresaw it and caught her other wrist, grinning. Startled by this, the blonde paled in horror. "...!"

"Now, now... Violence is never the answer, Lucas, especially since you're more of a lover than a fighter, as am I. You must've picked this up from Ness." He shook his head. "What a bad influence that kid is. Keep hanging around him and there's no telling what _else_ he'll do to you."

The way he said "else" made Ness' blood boil. Angrily stomping up behind Red, he was about to do something he knew he'd regret when a boomerang smacked the trainer's face. Everyone turned in time to see a now-standing Toon Link retrieve it as it fell to the floor.

"You heard what she said, Red. Leave her alone," he demanded.

Red blinked a few times, then chuckled, amused one of the gentlest people in the house was trying to tell him what to do. "TL... What're you doing? Aren't you supposed to be, y'know, helping me out here? Ness is the bastard here, not me, all right? So go... I dunno, stab him, or something."

"No," he refused, "_you_ get some self-control and leave Lucas alone. If she doesn't want to be bothered, you should respect that. ...So, please stop it, okay?"

"How about no? Okay? Good. Now," He turned back to Lucas with a smirk, not once taking his grip off her, "where were we?"

Lucas made a pained face, weakly flexing her hands. "Red, stop... You're... You're hurting me..."

"A kiss is all I want," he responded, moving in for the kill. "Just a smooch, and I'll let go."

Lucas angrily squirmed again. "No, Red! Why're you being such a jerk?!"

"Aw, c'mon now." He playfully blew in her face. "It's more like... tough love than anything."

Despite Lucas' struggling, they were just about to kiss when an arrow cut through the air and pierced Red's hat into a nearby wall. Hatless, he slowly turned to scowl in the direction from whence it came.

"L-leave her alone!" spat Toon Link, poised with his bow. "T-the next one'll hit you! I-I'm serious!"

The kid may've been a little shaky in his threats, but Ness had to commend him for trying. He _almost_ sounded like he meant business.

"Well," snorted Red, "sounds like someone's a little possessive..."

"Possessive? You're pushing Lucas into the wall, for crying out loud!"

"Sounds more like a personal problem to me."

"Well, I've got a problem with it, too!" spat Popo, making Red turn to him. "Just let Lucas go already so we can finish watching the fight!"

"Popo, I'm surprised you even know what you're talking about, seeing as you've got 'problems' yourself." He shooed him off. "Just make yourself useful and go deal with Ness for me, okay? Just like this morning. ...You have the brains to remember at least that far back, right?"

The climber was outraged. Everyone, including himself, knew he wasn't the sharpest tool in he shed, but people rarely made light of it... Or if they did, it was in a comical sense. What Red said was just out-and-out mean.

Yearning to get revenge, he quickly searched around for something to throw at the trainer. As lovely as it would've been to hurl his hammer and give him a concussion, the consequences from Master Hand just weren't worth it. Instead, he grabbed the remote from the couch and tossed it at the back of Red's head.

He turned and scoffed. "...A remote control? Really, Popo? How lame can you get? And I actually thought you were kinda cool." He paused before continuing with, "Y'know, the 'awesome' kinda cool, not the 'temperature' kinda cool, like you were probably thinking... _If_ you were thinking."

Well, that went over like a lead balloon. Red was about to go back to Lucas again when a bomb whizzed between the two.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah, HEY!" Red finally let go and scrambled away to avoid the explosion, as did Lucas. Turning to Toon Link, he scowled. "Dude, what're you trying to do, blow my fingers off?!"

"If that's what it takes to get your hands off Lucas, then yes!"

"Oh, that's just great," scoffed Lucas, noticing the list of fighters for the next Brawl on TV. "Now the fight's over, and we don't even know who won."

"Mario," said Kirby, only he and Ivysaur seeing the whole thing. "Don't worry, it wasn't all that great."

"Hmph," she snorted, still wanting to see it. "Fine then, whatever. ...Now, if you'll all excuse me, I'm going somewhere a little less... crowded."

"..." Everyone glowered at Red, who didn't seem to really care.

The blonde turned her nose up and was about to leave when Ivysaur's vines grabbed her. "Hey!"

("I'm sorry, Lucas.") She bit her lip. ("It's Red... He... He told me to.")

"What?!"

Red walked over and got hold of her again. "See? Just like I said earlier. You've had the right idea all along, Lucas. So let's go."

"Noooo!" she squealed, thrashing about as he tried to drag her off. Unfortunately, he was stopped by Kirby.

"..." The ball made a face.

Seeing he wasn't moving, Red scoffed. "Well, so whaddya want now?"

"...What you're doing to Lucas... It's mean."

"...What?"

"Red, why don't you let her go? ...Please?" went on Kirby. "She doesn't look too happy."

"Kirby." He massaged his temples in irritation. "Come on, now. You're really not helping the situation here."

"Look who's talking," hissed Ness.

"Does the word 'death wish' mean anything to you?" he threatened, facing him.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," said Toon Link, brandishing his sword.

"Me, too! Although, I'm not exactly sure what talking has to do with this..." stupidly added Popo.

Rolling his eyes, he groaned. "Oh, c'mon... Kirby, if you're gonna do something to help, now would be great."

Kirby decided to do him one better by roundhouse kicking him in the back of the head, Lucas skittering away as she was freed.

Red quickly recovered and was about to make a snide remark, but stopped when he suddenly noticed a pattern. Looking around, he realized there sure were more people against him than with him. He wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, but instead of it being everyone vs. Ness, it was now everyone vs. him. Toon Link sidled around, Popo got on guard, Ness crossed his arms, and Kirby gave his disapproval by pouting. Now how did this happen?

...It was almost as if Ness had somehow bribed the guys behind his back, or maybe they'd all been conspiring against him all along...

...

...

...

...No, that couldn't be. They were all fighting for a common cause. ...Right?

...

What baffled him most was how fast this little betrayal took place. Toon Link had been acting the most traitorous for a while, but he was a goody two-shoes, so that was expected. Popo had little-to-no brain power, so he probably followed, and then Kirby just comes outta nowhere and kicks him in the face! He just didn't understand. He surveyed the scene, seeing his ex-followers had long surrounded him, all while Lucas' and Ivysaur's curious eyes peeked over from the couch. Refusing to let this bother him, he gave his trademark sly grin.

"Oh, so it's a fight you want? Huh? Huh? Ness bribing you all? Or did he hypnotize you like he did Lucas?"

"..." No one answered, Lucas sinking into the cushion a little.

"...I guess no one's got the balls to answer, so I'll just assume I'm the odd one out now. Okay, then." He pulled out Squirtle's Poké Ball, calling a sighing Ivysaur over. "If it's a fight you want, then it's a fight you'll get. Two-on-two, right?"

"Make that three," added Kirby as he joined the ranks.

"..." Red laughed. "Fine. Guess I'll just even out to odds since Charizard's not—"

"I'm in on this, too," reminded Ness, standing his ground with the rest.

"..." Red didn't seem too keen on fighting illegally now. Technically, they could all get in trouble for being a part of this, but it was a risk they were willing to take. Snorting, he looked to each boy in the room, as if to silently ask, "So, you're really going through with this?"

"..." Toon Link responded with a frown and clutched his sword.

"..." Popo tried to look cool and lean on his hammer, but it slipped out from under him and he fell.

"..." Kirby wasn't good at looking serious, so he just kept looking pouty.

"..." Ness stared into his soul.

Still, that stupid grin returned, Red backing away. "...I see. Well, the tables have certainly turned, haven't they?"

"..."

"Fine. Have it your way. Wanna kick me outta the group? Wanna side with a no-talent loser like Ness?" He went over to retrieve his hat stabbed into the wall by one of Toon Link's arrows. "S'no skin off my nose."

"..."

"Anywho, I've got things to do and asses to kick, so I'll see you all later. Perhaps you need some time to cool off and regain your senses."

"..." Holy hell, where was this guy's 'off' switch?

Finally getting the hint he wasn't wanted, Red backed up. "...C'mon, Ivysaur."

("Yes, Red,") she mumbled, trudging off behind him.

...Aside from the cheering on TV, the room was awkwardly silent as the two exited. Finally, Toon Link sighed and put away his sword. Everyone else relaxed and exhaled as well.

"...Thank you," cooed Lucas, coming over to her suitors. "All of you. Really, thanks. I have a feeling that would've ended badly if it weren't for you."

"Aw, i-it was no big deal," sheepishly said Toon Link, rubbing his head. "T-that Red needed to be put in his place, after all."

"I know, but still! Seeing you all come together like that was so brave and cute! You were like a bunch of little heroes, and it was adorable!" She briskly rubbed Toon Link's head, making him blush like mad... AGAIN.

"Yeah, and we'd do it again if we had to! ...And maybe a third time. A-and a whole buncha other times, too," added Popo.

"Anything to make you happy!" Kirby said, doing a little jig. "Just like me! See? I'm happy 'cuz you're happy! Yay!"

Lucas giggled. "And I know it's a little cliché, but I think you're more than deserving of a reward."

"Wait, what do you mean?" asked the little swordsman.

She then threw everyone for a loop and did something Ness once swore would end in homicide. Stooping down, she gave Toon Link a warm hug, then had the nerve to lift his head and kiss him. Thank the stars it wasn't on the lips, though. It was on the forehead, but still... It sure seemed like a long-ass kiss...

And poor Toon Link. After she finished, he promptly staggered back, pupils shrunk almost to the point where he looked dead. He gasped and sputtered, a hand out like he was trying to clutch his chest, but his sudden spasm prevented him from doing so. He continued twitching, gasping, seizing, etc. as the other two looked hungrily at Lucas. She smiled and hunched her shoulders playfully, but soon realized that was a big mistake, as they charged to get a smooch as well.

Ness was about to leap into action to keep poor Lucas from getting dogpiled, but he lucked out at the last minute as Popo tried to trip Kirby with his hammer, idiotically stumbling over his own in the process. He was officially hammered, heh.

Springing forward, Kirby giddily bounced up and down before Lucas. "Ooh, Lucas! Can I have a kiss, please, please, please, please, please, please?!"

Tired of his frantic begging, Lucas smiled and grabbed him, planting a kiss on his forehead. Dare Ness say it was even longer than Toon Link's? ...Huh.

Getting the kiss he so desperately wanted, Kirby pretty much mirrored the now-swooning Toon Link's earlier actions. Blushing, gushing, giggling, yadda, yadda, yadda. Go away, already.

As Kirby teetered off, Popo finally got his turn. Scrambling like mad to get over there, the Ice Climber eventually tackled Lucas, getting a little too close to her boob region for Ness' liking.

"Lucas!" he pleaded. "I'm sorry! I never wanted to beat up Ness, y'know! It was all Red's idea! He even said he'd give us all 10,000 Smash Coins if we got rid of him for good!" His eyes went wide. "...But y'know what?"

Lucas blinked. "What?"

"...I think he was lying!" Popo said this as if it were the answer to the universe. Of course Red was lying; no one was even allowed to carry that much around. Dumbass.

Lucas was too blonde to notice. "Oh. Uh, okay."

He got back on tangent. "So, kiss? Gimme one, please! C'mon, c'mon! They got one! I want one, too—!"

Sighing, Lucas obliged him with a little smooch on his... nose region. Wasn't as long as the ones before, but still... Couldn't she stand to lighten them up just a _little_ bit?

"Yes!" Popo began jumping for joy, which wouldn't have been a big deal if he hadn't been wearing cleats and Lucas wasn't on the floor. Fortunately, she had enough sense to scramble away.

"Well, I guess since this is all over with, we should go and get that pizza now," Toon Link reminded the others, coming back to his senses.

"I thought we came down to watch the fight," whined Popo.

Toon Link raised an eyebrow. "Popo, the fight ended like, 10 minutes ago."

"What?!"

"Can I join you guys, too?" asked Kirby. "Since Red's gone, I'm a little... lonely. And I could always go for some food!"

"Yeah, why not?" Toon Link laughed. "That kick you landed on him was too awesome. We've got to give you props on that somehow."

"I really didn't mean to," admitted the ball. "It happened so fast, I was done before I even knew what happened. I just couldn't stand seeing him push Lucas around anymore."

"I can identify. Trust me, I really kind of wish that bomb had exploded in his hands."

"But wouldn't it have hurt Lucas if it did?"

Seeing Toon Link's eyes widen in horror, Lucas consoled him. "No, no. It's fine. I got away in time. I'm okay, really."

"But that was still reckless of me." He looked down in shame. "I could've hurt you."

"Don't be so modest. I'm fine now, and that's all that matters."

"Well..." He twiddled his thumbs. "Okay. If you say so..."

"Man, why didn't anyone tell me the fight was over?" Popo pouted. "Such a bummer. We better get twice as much pizza to make up for it!"

"Popo, I told Lucas the fight ended and Mario won. You didn't hear any of that?" asked Kirby.

"Wait... Mario was in it?!"

"We'll watch another fight later," said Toon Link. He turned to Ness and waved. "Come on, let's hurry and get that pizza while we still can. You wanted pepperoni, right?"

"Ness?" She turned to see, indeed, he was there. He knew she wouldn't have noticed before.

"..."

"..." Lucas didn't seem too thrilled at his presence.

"...Yeah, pepperoni," he answered Toon Link, not taking his eyes off the blonde.

"Okay, I wanted cheese, so I guess we'll get both. Kirby, what'd you want?"

"Oh, I'll take mine with everything! Sardines, pineapples, the works! And can I have two? Or three?!"

Toon Link grimaced, but nodded. "Uh, sure. If you want. And Lucas? You're more than welcome to join us."

"...Okay," she blankly answered, not facing him.

With everyone in agreement and Popo still brooding over missing the fight, they promptly left to get the grub. Meanwhile, Lucas stayed behind, seemingly rooted to where she stood. Ness mirrored this. Seeing this apparent staredown, the others came back.

"Lucas?" asked Kirby. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she quietly answered. "I'm fine."

"Then what're you waiting for?" Toon Link gently tugged on her arm. "Come on. Let's go before Red comes back."

"..." Still, she wouldn't budge.

"..." Ness didn't move either.

Kirby looked back and forth between them. "...What's wrong with you two? Am I missing something?"

"Ooh! Maybe they're having a staring contest!" guessed Popo. "Can I get in next round?"

"..." Lucas didn't answer.

"..." Ness didn't answer, either.

Toon Link was starting to get worried. "Lucas... Please move or something. Why aren't you? You don't feel sick or anything, do you?"

"...No."

"Then, what's the matter?"

"...Well, you see... _I think I should away stay from Ness a little longer_," she meekly whispered so he couldn't hear.

Despite her efforts to keep it quiet, Ness' ears twitched and he frowned. "..."

Lucas saw this and bit her lip. "..."

"..."

"..."

"...And why exactly would you wanna avoid me for a 'little longer'?"

"Because you're mad at me..." she sighed.

"No, I'm not," he flatly said, like she was overreacting.

"Well, you sure seemed it this morning..."

"Well, I wasn't."

"Toon Link said you were."

At this, the little swordsman hitched his breath. Ness didn't bat an eye at him. He knew that's not what she meant.

"I was more pissed off at Red than you, okay? I mean, I guess..." He shrugged. "You didn't know any better. You were trying to help, right?"

Looking down, she timidly pawed at the floor with a foot. "I was, but I get the feeling you don't even want that anymore. You've got to be all tough and strong and stuff and... I can't do that, so you want me out of the way altogether..."

"That's not true."

"..."

"You seriously don't think that, do you?"

"..."

He turned his mouth up. "...Do I really put off that kinda vibe?"

"Yes." It was so shameless and blunt, like he was the bad guy here.

Ness tried not to show how much that bothered him. "...Well, it wasn't towards you, okay?"

"..." She didn't seem convinced.

"Lucas, you have no idea how hard it is to get mad at you. You really don't. Annoyed, yeah. Irritated, sure. ...But not mad, okay? You're just... too good a person to get sore at."

She poked her lip out. "...So you're not mad at me?"

"No."

"...You sure?"

"Yes."

"...You're not just saying that?"

"No."

"You promise?"

"Yes."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...If you're really serious, then give me a hug." She held her arms out. "I'll be able to tell then."

Ness didn't see how hugging would make amends, but this whole mess to be over with, then so be it.

...But did it hafta be in front of everybody? Seeing the others look on in interest, he hunched his shoulders aimlessly to hint he wanted them to scram.

Toon Link seemed to pick up on this and left. Kirby didn't catch his drift, but he assumed Toon Link knew what he was doing and joined him. Popo didn't get it at all, still thinking they were having a staring contest. Kirby made things easier by just hauling him outta there.

"...So?" asked Lucas, flexing her fingers as they left.

"..." Ness reluctantly strolled over as she stooped down to embrace him. He really hoped no one decided to walk in now.

"...I've been feeling so bad about this all day," she said, rubbing his back. "I didn't mean any harm, really. I only wanted to protect you."

He sighed. "But how many times have you seen a girl fight for a guy? C'mon Lucas, you know better."

"I couldn't help it. Since when was gender a factor in who saves who, anyway?"

"It's not, but there's no place for a girl in a guy's fight. I'm grateful and all, but please don't do it again. I can take an asskicking if I hafta."

"..."

Seeing she fell silent, he gave her a soft nudge. "...And what's with thinking I have such a beef with you all of a sudden? I didn't seem that mad, did I?"

"You did..." She grabbed his shirt in anxiety. "It was like you... hated me or something."

"Oh, c'mon. You know me better than that. You don't hate me when you get pissed off, do you?"

She lowered her head. "No..."

"I was in the middle of a fight; how was I supposed to act?" He gave her another gentle nudge, Lucas responding with a nuzzle. "All you did was come in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"That's what Toon Link said, too."

He blinked. Really? ...Man, that kid was good. He'd hafta pay him back later.

"So... Can you tell I'm being sincere now?" he asked, catering to her with more soft nudges.

"Yeah..." she giggled, eating it up.

"And I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or whatever."

Lucas perked up. "...What?"

"What?"

"What you just said."

He shrugged. "...I'm sorry?"

She beamed and let go. Oh, that was it. Pfft, shoulda known. All she wanted was a simple "sorry", despite him already not meaning any harm. Girls were suckers for hugs and apologies, another reason he was glad not to be one.

"I accept your apology," she cooed. And what cheesy make up scene wouldn't be complete without a kiss on the cheek?

"Nehhhhh...!" Ness groaned, his face contorting. "Don't do that!"

She pouted. "Why?"

"'Cuz!"

"Because why?"

"Just 'cuz, okay?"

"That's not a legitimate answer..."

"Yeah, it is." He scrambled to get away. "Now lemme go."

"Fine then, silly." Shockingly, she did. "I'm just glad this whole thing's behind us."

"Yeah." Ness smiled a little. "Me, too."

Lucas stood, smile returning. "So, how about that pizza? I feel a lot better, so I could really go for it now. And I know how much you want to tear into it."

'Tearing into it' wasn't exactly how he felt about eating at the moment. Maybe something more along the lines of... eat awkwardly and just enjoy for the hell of it. Popo and Kirby had yet to prove their true intentions, so he'd be particularly quiet in dining with them. They most likely were genuine about not hating his guts anymore, but he could never be too sure.

The blonde had been yammering on about friendship and togetherness in the meantime and, not realizing he hadn't heard a word, happily dragged him off to the lunchroom. Ness was still contemplating, so he mindlessly obliged and let her take him away.

They'd just exited the room when Ness perked up, hearing the oh-so-familiar sound of a Poké Ball's "plinking" noise. Whipping around, he saw Red and Ivysaur appear near another doorway, the trainer making a deadly, "I'm watching you" gesture.

Lucas said a few seconds ago she was glad this whole thing was behind them.

...But Ness wasn't so sure it was.

* * *

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ Holy crap, this was a long chapter. Did not mean to get that carried away._


	23. Taking Out the Undeniable: Part I

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Yeah, yeah. Sorry for the delay. Not gonna go into details, 'cuz who cares about that?!_

_

* * *

_

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 23:_**_ Taking Out the Undeniable (Part I)_

_

* * *

_

A bologna sandwich slapped a humdrum Ness in the face as he, unfazed, continued to read something that was irrelevant to everyone's interests but his own. It, somewhat humorously, slid off and landed on the floor with a splat, Pikachu and Lucario darting under the table to get at it. Ness flatly turned a page. And here he thought the Smash Lounge was where you went to _get away_ from this kinda stuff...

"And that makes 106," giggled Peach as she marked off another day on a calendar.

Apparently, she'd been doing it for 106 days. ...What was it for again?

"Aw, time's just flying by, isn't it, Ness?" she cooed, turning and happily clasping her hands together.

"..." He supposed so; he wasn't even sure what she was talking about. He turned another page and kept reading, ignoring the fact a mouse and a jackal were playing tug-of-war with might've been the most elastic sandwich in the world between him and the book.

Peach yammered on about something else, excitedly at first, then in annoyance as she noticed Ness wasn't listening. No sooner had Pikachu scrambled off with the very durable sandwich, she yanked his book away, flinging it over her shoulder and inadvertently knocking him out. Seeing his chance, Lucario grabbed it and ran off.

"Y'know, I was reading that," remarked Ness, also annoyed.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I was talking about something a little more important."

"..." He frankly had no idea what she was talking about, so he stared as if brain dead.

Unfortunately, that seemed to infuriate Peach, as her face went from looking mildly upset to downright scary.

She slammed her hands down on the table, getting right up in his face. "Ness..."

"...?"

An eyebrow twitched. "...You _do_ know why I'm counting these days, _right_?"

He racked his brain for something, _anything_ to answer with. Sadly, all he could muster was a dopey gaze. "..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...How many days it's been since your... birthday?"

"...Ness, I can't believe _you_!" she roared. "I'm counting up the number of days Lucas has been pregnant! Have you no sympathy?!"

Just then, Ike walked in, raising a finger. "Well, he'll get none fro—"

"NO!" snarled the princess, already seeing where this was going. Ness did too, and was glad she nipped it in the bud.

"Pfft, killjoy," snorted the swordsman as he left. Peach turned her fury back to Ness.

He shrugged. Okay, so what? Lucas had been knocked up for a while. Big deal, it's not like she wouldn't have it if he didn't keep track of this. No one needed to keep count; wouldn't she have it when, y'know, it was time?

Ness wouldn't dare say any of this to Peach's face, but his expression ratted him out as her scowl darkened.

"Well, Mr. Irresponsible, I suggest you get your head in the game and start acting more supportive towards Lucas, and fast." Her eyes narrowed. "...I bet you haven't so much as changed one thing about your mannerisms in the last few months, have you?"

"..." Smart comeback, smart comeback... C'mon! There had to be something in there!

"Lucas needs you more than ever now and you're just lounging around in here when you _could_ be helping her out, keeping her company, providing some conversation... Something!"

"..."

"So?" She put her hands on her hips. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"...Well, it _is_ a lounge," he meekly responded, suddenly realizing he might as well've stuck his head in a meat grinder.

Peach let an evil sneer escape her lips, eyeing him like a madwoman. He coulda sworn he even heard her... hiss? Mmm, that couldn't have been good...

Ness' musings were confirmed as the princess literally hurled him outta the room and into a nearby wall outside. And if that wasn't enough, she added to the assault by tossing a now-conscious Pikachu at his face, heaving angrily at the door.

_"You're not allowed back in here until I see you show some respect for Lucas! Now scram!"_ she screeched, slamming the door shut behind them.

("What is it about you and women, anyway? They're usually so sweet when you're not around...") asked Pikachu, sliding off his face. Great, now he had fur in his mouth...

_

* * *

_

Ness didn't have a fight until near curfew, so he piddled around until he came across either Lucas or something of equal interest. Something in the back of his mind was telling him he was supposed to be avoiding her, but he couldn't seem to recall why. The reason couldn't have been that bad... right?

On another note, he began to recall what Peach had been yapping about earlier; about Lucas being knocked up for 106 days. He was too lazy to do the math, but that sounded like she was about maybe three months along? Yes, he supposed time _had_ flown by. He didn't even notice, mostly due to how calm things'd been lately. ...Well, calm by a Smasher's standards.

It'd been some time since anything of interest had really happened, and by that, he meant the disbanding of the Idiot Brigade. In that amount of time, it was like their little gang never even existed. Toon Link, Kirby, and Popo were back to being his ragtag, incompetent-but-meaning-well BFFs again.

...

But what about Red? What had he been up to in the last few weeks?

...Well, nothing, actually.

Then again, Ness couldn't read minds, and he knew for a fact there was always something cooking in that cesspool of a mind of his.

Red may've kept his distance for the most part, but Ness could always sense hostility in the air when both were within 20 feet of each other. The Pokémon Trainer had the tendency to tease him sometimes, purposely bump shoulders when they passed, grin slyly across the room, crack his knuckles, stare him down in battle, and countless other little grudges. If Ness so much as flexed a muscle, he'd snicker and leave, almost like he was like he was playing keep away while provoking him at the same time. He had something up his sleeve, he knew, but there was no way to tell just what...

...But whatever. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it. Shockingly enough, Red was the least of his troubles, the real problem being what they were scrapping over in the first place.

And that would be Lucas.

Oh, and what _about_ the delicate little blonde? The main attraction? Little Miss Stick-Out-Like-A-Sore-Thumb? How was exactly was she faring?

...

Well, to be frank, Lucas had become quite the drama queen. No, he took that back; a bipolar drama queen. That was pretty much expected though, as it was like an oncoming train; foreseen, but unstoppable.

She complained and whined and moaned about everything, and he meant _everything_. It wasn't that bad at first, a few pouts here and there over not getting her way or being denied something... Unfortunately, it soon escalated to her downright kicking people's asses over things so trivial, even Ness himself woulda brushed it off.

Not even Ness himself was safe from her hellish fury. Though, despite there being a few cases where she hurled a vase at him and belittled his usefulness, it was nothing to write home about. Lucas threw like a girl; if what she threw didn't fall flat, she ended up overthrowing and hitting someone else. She couldn't lay a hand on him.

...Okay, well, she _did_ manage to clobber him a few times with a book or something, but that was it. For the record, it was only at close range...

Fortunately, her mood swings did include a sweet side of her. ...Actually, sweeter than her usual self, if that was at all possible. When like this, she assumed a calm, peaceful behavior that, if Ness didn't know any better, reminded him of a mom. ...Well, that was for obvious reasons.

While like this, she was happy and cheerful and nurturing to anyone lucky enough to catch her in this mood. She offered and wanted hugs, annoyed those in a bad mood, and was overall just a big, happy ray of sunshine...

Too bad about 10 minutes later, she'd be kneeing Marth in the nuts and smacking a laughing Wario upside the head with a hapless Jigglypuff. Wow, some payback to the fat man. _Finally_.

...But women were always like that, so she really hadn't changed after all. He tried not to laugh at this realization.

_

* * *

_

Bowser grabbed a Smash Ball, cackling menacingly as he crushed it within his claws, infusing himself with its power. Donkey Kong made a valiant effort to try and smack it outta him, but he was moments too late. He, Marth, and Yoshi were then forced to look on as his shadow enveloped them, a blistering flamethrower following suit.

Lucas, sitting on the living room couch, winced as Giga Bowser went on a rampage, ripping his flimsy victims apart. She hadn't been in a fight in forever, and with threats like that roaming around, maybe it was for the best.

She tightly hugged a pillow to her stomach in order to soothe her sudden obsession with soft, cuddly things. She held and cradled it fondly, something she'd found herself unable to control for the past few weeks. It kinda made her feel elated, yet calm at the same time. The reason why was currently cushioned behind the pillow, as well.

She blushed at the thought. ...Who'da thunk her motherly instincts would be setting in this early?

"Hey there, Lucas!" spouted Fox, appearing the hell outta nowhere and startling her.

"Oh!" She flinched, slightly irate at his sudden presence. "Uh, hi."

"Hi." He smiled, noticing the pillow. "Any particular reason you're holding that?"

Her blush returned, as did her pillow-snuggling. "I guess you can say I'm practicing for when the baby gets here..."

"Ah, yes. Of course, of course." Lucas didn't notice, but that was just the subject he wanted to get on. "So, uh... Speaking of which... Uh, what're you having?"

"Huh?"

"Y'know..." He seedily shuffled. "Gender. What's it gonna be?"

"Oh." She hunched her shoulders shyly. "Well... I don't know yet."

He looked disappointed. "...Oh."

"Sorry," she perkily apologized, going back to watching the fight. Apparently, this wasn't enough for Fox.

He cleared his throat loudly and shimmied over closer to the blonde. She was oblivious to this until his wayward tail brushed against a leg.

She looked up, puzzled. "Uh... Is there something wrong?"

He feigned looking surprised. "Huh? Oh, no, no. No, no... It's just, uh..." He chuckled. "Well, I'm pretty sure you're far enough along to... tell, right?"

"...Yes?"

"And, well, you've got a long way to go until it gets here, right?"

She made a face. "Yes?"

He laughed again, rubbing his head. "Well, don't you want to know now? The suspense must be killing you!"

"Actually, it's not." She smiled. "I can wait."

"..." Again, that wasn't the response Fox was looking for. Turning his mouth up with a scowl, he decided to back off, due to his lack of experience of dealing with chicks. Pregnant ones, especially.

Lucas shrugged it off as simple curiosity and went back to the fight, hugging her pillow in giddy anticipation. No sooner had she assumed Fox left the scene, a suspiciously-calm Link stepped in, looking way too casual for himself. He stepped behind the couch and stupidly surveyed the scene.

There was Lucas. On the couch. Watching TV. She had a pillow to her gut. She looked distracted. Perfect.

...

...

...

"SO!" he spat, clapping his hands together as he startled Lucas. "How's our mother-to-be today? Holding up okay? Don't feel any pangs? Hydrated? Been eating well?"

"H-huh? Oh, uh, yes. I'm fine. A little tired, but fine."

"Great!" He hurled himself over and landed roughly beside her on the sofa, almost knocking her off.

She scoffed in annoyance. "Uh, Link? Could you try and be a little... gentler from now on? It's not just me here..."

"Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to shake you ladies up."

The blonde turned her head. "...?"

"...Or should I say you and two? You and him?"

"Huh? You and hi—? What?"

He chuckled nervously. "Oh, well, I mean... the baby. 'Cuz if it was a girl, I'd say 'you ladies', but if it's a boy, I'd say 'you two'. ...Y'know?"

"...What exactly are you getting at?"

"Well, we can't just keep call it, uh, 'it' all the time. Heh heh heh..."

She frowned. "..."

"Soooooooo... What is it? ...We getting a bouncy baby boy or a pretty little girl?"

"I don't know," she answered, flat and stern.

That seemed to intimidate him, cheesy grin falling. "Oh. Well, surely, there's a way of telling, right?"

"There _is_," she spat, staring him down.

Link suddenly found himself unable to look her in the eyes. "Then... why not, y'know... find out?"

"Why should I?"

"Um..."

"..." She continued to stare him down with the trademark "pissed-as-all-hell" glare every girl seemed to possess.

Link shrank under her building rage. "...I think I'll be going now..."

And with that, he slipped off the couch and dragged his sorry ass away and outta the room. Lucas seethed for a moment, glaring at his retreating form until it disappeared around a corner and into the hallway.

Still scowling, she angrily _clawed_ the pillow and set her attention back to the TV, now wanting blood. She wanted to see the fighters beat the ever-loving snot outta each other now; for all hell to break loose, no holds bar, downright dirty fighting. To say she was quite peeved woulda been an understatement. It was at this moment Diddy toddled in, carrying two blankets.

("Huuuuuuuuuh...") he proclaimed loudly, trying to draw attention. ("I wonder which one of these blankets would suite me more... Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...")

"...Diddy," quietly asked the blonde, trying her best not to tear her once-loved pillow in half, "keep it down, all right? I can't concentrate on the fight..."

("Oh, Lucas!") he shouted, feigning surprise as he faced her. ("Perfect timing. Listen, I was thinking on taking a nap and, well, I've hit a bit of an impasse.")

"..." Not only did Lucas look clueless as to what "impasse" meant, but it was evident her anger was escalating as well. Grinning hard, the monkey elaborated.

("Heh heh... uh, y'see...") He held up the blankets; one pink, one light blue. ("I don't know which one to use. Tell me, what would you go with? You got a... gut feeling?")

"..." The way he said "gut feeling" had extra emphasis, but it went right over Lucas' head. Not to mention she was losing her patience, and fast.

("...I mean, which sounds more... suitable? Y'know, like from personal experience?")

"..."

("...Women's intuition?")

"..."

("...A flat-out guess?")

"...I don't see how color determines how well you sleep," she huffed, close to hurling something at him. "Either should do fine, now stop bugging me and go take a nap already."

("Oh, for—") He dropped them in frustration. ("Okay, Imma just cut the crap and just ask: Lucas, what do you got in there? A boy or a girl?")

She facepalmed, this being the third time she was asked. "I don't know, okay? And if anyone else wants to know, tell them the same thing."

("Whaddya mean you don't know?! You should by now!")

"Well, I don't, okay? And I don't want to know until it's born."

("But why? Don'tcha need to, like, make preparations and stuff? What if it's a boy and you end up getting 'em a buncha frilly, pink things?")

At this point, Lucas had had it._ "It's none of your business what it's going to be! I want to be surprised, and I refuse to let a monkey pester me into telling him something I don't know or want to know! Now go away!" _

Diddy shrugged stupidly. ("...So is that a possible 'maybe' on the girl?")

**_"GET OUT!"_** she screeched, tossing the remote.

("Augh!") yelped Diddy, as it struck him square in the skull. ("Sheesh, fine! But don't come crawling to me if it ends up sexually confused like you!") he scoffed, parading off with the blankets.

"..." That comment usually woulda made Lucas burst into tears and go tattle on him to Peach, and it did just that... Well, minus the "telling Peach" part. Instead, her lips trembled and she soon began weeping.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of Diddy's dilemma, as he was grabbed and pinned to the wall immediately upon leaving the room. His struggling was cut short as he realized it was the doing of a cross Ness. Apparently, he wasn't too keen on that last remark made to Lucas.

"You want me to hang you up like a piñata and knock your damn nuts off?" he threatened through clenched teeth, a bat shoved into the chimp's nose.

("When you say that, do you mean _my_ nuts or my peanuts, 'cuz if it's the latter—")

Had Lucas not've been too busy crying her eyes out, she woulda heard a loud "WHACK" in the hallway. An irate Ness then emerged, bat dragging him behind him in detest. Immediately, he noticed the whimpering blonde and went all soft. No point in going over there with his chest poked out; might make her feel worse.

Instead, he deftly came over and joined her in sitting, getting on guard in case she decided to knock him senseless with her own weapon of choice; i.e., her stick. Fortunately, she was too upset to invoke any wrath on him at the moment. That was good... and yet bad at the same time. What a paradox.

He let her cry for a moment until he decided to take a chance and carefully reach over to scratch her cowlick. Such a motion was his way of both showing pity and getting her attention, as only he ever did this and in that way. After the third stroke, she stopped her sniveling and rose to face him with a heartbreaking expression.

"...If it makes you feel any better, I got 'em back for you," he consoled.

_Yeah, appease to her with violence, Ness. The ladies sure do love that sorta stuff. Way to go._

"...W-why'd he say that to me, Ness?" she whispered, oblivious to his deed. "That was so... cruel..."

"Well, I'll just hafta shove a banana up his ass next time I catch him messing with you again."

_Stop. Appeasing to her. With. Violence! What, you wanna make her feel worse? Chicks don't dig that! Say something lame and sappy!_

"You'd think these guys would grow up already..." she sniffled. "I think they're making fun of me..."

"Tell me who and I'm go give 'em a concussion."

_The hell are you, a sadist?! Stop it already!_

Lucas shuddered. "No, no... No more pain now... I just need a hug..."

Ness had no say in the matter before she latched onto him with one of her legendary, emotionally-stressed bear hugs. She'd been getting progressively rounder, so it was kinda difficult for her to get a grip, but whatever. At least she was calming down.

He struggled in her grasp. "Ugh... yeah, sure... S'what I'm here for, y'know..."

"I'm glad..." She snuggled him, much like she'd done to her pillow. "And it's good you're here now, too. ...I need to talk to you."

Uh oh, something sounded a bit off about that. He prepared himself for the worst.

"...What's wrong?" he skittishly asked.

"Oh, I don't know... It's hard to explain," she sighed. "Guess I'm just... a bit upset. A little anxious, too."

"From Diddy?" he snapped up, angry again. "Want me to drag him in here and kick his ass again? So you can watch?"

_I give up..._

"Diddy's not the problem, but he did bring it up..."

"Bring what up?"

She looked to him pitifully. "...Ness, I'm scared."

"Why?"

"Come on, why _wouldn't_ I be?" Letting go, she made a pouty face. "Having a baby's a big thing, you know. I haven't said much about it before, but... now that everyone keeps mentioning it, I'm starting to get a little uneasy. Can you say something to make me feel a little better...?"

Oh, great. His weak point... But he couldn't deny that face. Damn.

"...Well," he tried, "you got this far. May as well ride the rest of it out."

She scowled. "That's easy for you to say; _you're_ not the one's who's pregnant."

Well, that didn't work. Damn mood swings. He could tell by that snippy remark that anger was next on her emotional forecast, meaning something had to be done, and fast.

"...C'mon Luke, you don't hafta be so down in the dumps over it. S'not like—"

**_"Shut up! You don't understand anything!"_** she suddenly roared, slapping him with what he swore had to be the freaking hardest pillow in the world. She also succeeded in knocking him off the couch, something he easily coulda resisted had he had backbone. ...But something told him feigning unconsciousness was best for now.

Fortunately, that was the end of the assault anyway, as Lucas angrily stood and stormed off, leaving a river of tears in her wake. As the sounds of her bawling trailed off, Ness remained motionless on the floor, feeling a sour mix of regret and monotony. Just how many more times was he gonna end up on the floor, Lucas leaving in hysterics?

As he lay there, staring at the ceiling in contemplation of what to do next, a smiling, yellow face leaned into his field of view.

("Wow, Ness. Quite the lady killer, aren'tcha? Not even noon, and that's the second time you've been owned by a woman.")

It felt _sooo_ good to wipe that stupid grin off Pikachu's face with a simple uppercut to the jaw, as well as knock him to the floor. It almost made up for the earlier clash with Lucas.

("Sheesh, talk about a tough crowd...") he mumbled, rubbing his chin.

"Do us both a favor and scram before I really show you 'tough'," Ness growled, sitting up.

("Oooooh, a threat. Fine, then.") He stood. ("I'll go, and I'll take the only way to get back on Lucas' side with me.")

Ness made a face. He was bluffing, he had to be. Pikachu was, like, King Bluffer around there. Sadly, due to his expertise, it was hard to tell if he really had something up his nonexistent sleeve or was full of hot air.

Pikachu smirked as he noticed how hard Ness was regarding him. The psychic then frowned, as that was the tell-tale sign right there. Pikachu smiling was never good, especially since he did it about 90% of the time.

("...I sense interest,") he taunted.

"You sense wrong," snorted Ness, standing to leave. He was already in a pickle over what to do about Lucas. He didn't need the rat's erratic advice to make it worse.

Just as he passed, the mouse faced him. ("All right, all right. I feel sorry for how pathetic you are right now, so I'll tell you. Honestly, no strings attached this time. Consider it a limited time only deal or something.")

"Even if you weren't lying, I'd hafta be pretty desperate to listen to you."

("So what's stopping you?")

Pikachu barely had a fraction of a second to dart away from a swipe of Ness' bat, the tip just missing his nose. Had it made contact, it woulda been smashed. Getting outta harm's way, the two regarded each other; Ness in pure hatred, Pikachu in surprise. He then snorted.

("...Y'know, you're unbelievably fast when you want to be.")

"..." Ness didn't care if that was a compliment or a tease, as it failed to faze him.

("All right, all right. Before you think of scoring a home run with me, lemme suggest something.")

"Don't bother." He slung his bat over his shoulder and proceeded to leave.

Pikachu went on. ("I'm no expert in the field of love or anything, but if I were you, I'd try maybe doing something special for Lucas. Show her you're not as shallow as she thinks. Like say, maybe... Take her out on a date.")

"..." Ness stopped in his tracks. He was joking, right?

("Yeah, y'know how girls are, always wanting attention, and... And... Uh...") He stalled for a moment, not knowing how to continue. ("Er...")

"..."

He couldn't explain it, hoping Ness caught his drift. ("Yeah, and... They... Y'know, riiiight?")

Sadly, the psychic knew exactly what he meant and had the same problem explaining it. "...Yeah."

("Yeah, so there you go. Ask her out on a date, make sure it goes smoothly, and she'll be all over you like white on rice.")

"..." Ness tried not to blush, but that turn of phrase was too perfect not to show at least some emotion.

("You're welcome, loser.") His work done, Pikachu turned and proceeded to leave, smirking as one last scheme popped into his head. ("Oh, and you were right earlier about me not seeing interest, 'cuz I _see_ it.")

Knowing this would light Ness' extremely short fuse, the Pokémon quickly scampered out just as Ness' bat smashed against a wall inches from him.

_

* * *

_

"You want us to _what_?!" repeated the ex-Idiot Brigade in unison.

"C'mon, guys. It can't be that hard," pitifully voiced Ness. "I want you to gimme some tips on how to be more... presentable to Lucas."

"Why the sudden request, though? We thought you were doing just fine on your own," asked Toon Link.

Ness shrugged. "...Well, yeah, I was, but... I noticed she's getting more and more hostile."

"Those're just her mood swings, Ness. Lucas is very unstable right now, but they'll pass in time, trust me."

"Yeah, but how long will that be?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. What does it matter? Can't be _that_ bad... Can it?"

Ness bit his lip. "Well, due to those mood swings, it's kinda hard to keep Lucas company when she can turn on a dime and make me her personal punching bag. And if I try and give her space, Peach just throws me back in the fray, and that gets Lucas pissed all over again. That's fine if it's just mood swings, but... I get the feeling she thinks I'm being _forced_ to appease her. Know what I mean?"

Toon Link nodded. "Ohhh."

"So, I wanna do something special to show her that's not true and get back on her good side. That way, Peach'll leave me the hell alone, and Lucas'll... start coming around more often. I know I'm not 'Mr. Perfect', but I want her to at least see I'm trying."

"You have anything in mind?"

He rocked back and forth on his heels, averting their gazes. "...I kinda wanna maybe... y'know..."

"Go on," Toon Link urged.

"..." His voice trailed off as he finished. "...Sorta wanna take her... out on a... date..."

"You _what_?!" repeated the trio.

_"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!"_ He angrily shushed them. "Tell the whole house, why don'tcha?! Damn!"

"Well, I see where you're coming from. It's a noble endeavor indeed," said Toon Link with a smile.

"So... you're gonna help me?"

"I will!" chirped Kirby. "We've all been with Lucas long enough to at least say we're familiar with her, so it can't be that hard to please her."

"I can help, too!" added Popo, then frowned. "...Although, I don't know how..."

"Don't worry, we'll find a way to make this work," assured Toon Link. "If Ness is brave enough to try and cater to Lucas, we should be able to least... not make it a disaster."

Ness blushed. "I-I'm not catering to her, okay? Just... wanna do something nice for her 'cuz I care..."

"Well, that's kinda the same thing, especially if there's food involved on the date," added Kirby.

"..." He had him there.

_

* * *

_

"Samus, hand me another tissue, will you?" asked Peach, holding out a hand.

The bounty hunter sighed and nonchalantly handed her one. What number were they on? 39,048? No, the better question here was more like when would these dippy bimbos leave her room already?

"There, there, sweetie," Peach cooed, drying a sobbing Lucas' face. "It's okay. Just let it all out. That's right..."

"It's just like... everyone's out to get me!" she choked. "I-I don't even have a chance... And w-why's everyone being so m-mean...?"

"Oh, that's not true," added Zelda, patting her back. "You can always come to us. We got your back, girl. ...Speaking of which, where's Jigglypuff? I thought I told you to tell her we had a Girl Emergency here, Samus."

"I did," she grumbled, looking away and leaning on a hand in apathy, "but she made up all these stupid excuses and obviously had something more important to do... I don't know, who cares?"

Seeing that made Lucas bawl all over again, Peach huffed. "Well then, forget her! And she's not invited to anymore of our tea parties, either!"

Zelda nodded. "Yeah! And we are so totally ignoring her until she apologizes, too!"

"And Lucas can help! We'll make her so mad and not share any of my strawberry cheesecake with her, and give it all to our little sweetheart here!" exclaimed the peachy princess as she pet Lucas.

"..." Too bad she failed to realize this wasn't exactly making their "little sweetheart" feel better.

It was then the door slowly creaked open, Pikachu popping in with a smile, a devious one at that. ("Knock, knock! Anybody in here I can trash in a quick battle? I'm feeling pretty spry.")

Peach shooed him off. "Pikachu, get out. This is Ladies' Time. That means no boys allowed, no matter the species."

Coming all the way in, he posed cutely. ("But I'm cuuuute. You girls like cute, don'tcha?")

"We'll have to make an exception this time," scoffed Zelda, helping Lucas blow her nose. "Now run along and leave us be, please."

His face sorrowed. ("Feh. You chicks're so fickle sometimes. I won't do anything.")

Peach angrily stood as a warning. "Pikachu, I'm warning you..."

("Perhaps I want some company or some advice. A chat or something?")

She smiled devilishly. "Pikachu? See that door behind you? Either you leave on your own free will, or I'll escort you out. And by 'escort you out', I mean I'll dropkick you out."

("Okay, I've only been in here for, like what, a minute, and we're already throwing threats around. Y'know, I could be in here as an undercover messenger, and by that, I mean I've come to tell you something you're not supposed to know, and we _all_ know how you girls love that.")

Grinding her teeth, Peach was in the process of going over to carry out her threat when the last part stopped her dead in her tracks. "...Wait. What?"

("Yep,") bragged the mouse, ("I've come to tell you lovely ladies that a certain someone is making certain arrangements for a certain event that is certain to melt your cold, indifferent hearts.")

Unfortunately, Miss Pretty-In-Pink didn't take too lightly to the "cold, indifferent" part, so she stepped on him as another warning, glaring down. "Yeah, right! I bet Ness sent you in here, didn't he? To woo Lucas back out again so he can harass her some more!"

At the mentioning of Ness' name, Lucas' lip trembled and she went back to bawling in Zelda's boobs, something she didn't look too keen on offering as support. Samus looked on in disinterest.

("No, really. I'm in a good mood today, so I'm actually not lying,") responded Pikachu, freeing himself from the fury of Peach's heel. ("Ness didn't send me in here, but he _is_ the one who wants to make a little proposal to Lucas here. I mean, if she'll have it.")

"A... proposal?" Lucas lifted her head, sniffling.

"Don't trust him, Lucas!" accused Peach. "He's lying! This is all just a cruel joke, isn't it?! That's all you men are, anyway; cruel, sick jokes to the world!"

Pikachu looked upon her flatly. ("Peach, can you not be sexist for one minute and listen to me?")

"Sexist?! Why you little—!"

"...No, Peach. Let him talk," protested Lucas, coming over. "...Pikachu. What exactly does Ness want?"

("_Finally_. Rationality, how I've missed you.")

"Aw, just spit it out already," groaned Samus, apparently getting tired of this.

("Well, we all know for a fact Ness is quite the awkward Romeo, so what better way to piss him off than by telling you he's planning on taking you out on a date?")

The young blonde blushed, taken aback. "...W-what?"

("I know. I'm just as shocked, but it's true. Ness knows he's not good enough for your tastes, so he's sensibly, yet pitifully, trying to make up for it by taking you out on a sexy little date.")

Lucas blushed. "For... for real? Me?"

"Stop trying to bring her hopes up, Pikachu!" spat Peach. "You're teasing her, aren't you?! Just like the rest of them! Can't you see she's gone through enough today from that... that... hooligan?!"

("If you don't wanna believe me, fine, but I'm telling you this for your own good.") He smiled. ("Oh, and to piss off Ness. He's too much of a wuss to do anything other than surprise you with it at the last second. Too bad he fails to realize girls need to get ready for things like this in advance.")

As Lucas was frozen in a mix of shock and excitement, Peach fingered her chin. "...Huh, that is true. We always _do_ need to look our best, after all..."

"Well," said Samus, "that has to be the bravest thing Ness has done yet. I'll give him an 'A' for effort, that's for sure."

"I don't know," mused Zelda. "Sound a bit iffy to me and waaaay out of the ordinary for someone like Ness."

"Well... I believe it," meekly said Lucas.

The girls faced her. "Huh?"

She drew her hands together and swooned. "...That sounds exactly like something Ness would do. I can already see his face, too. Flustered and nervous, but brave. Eyes sharp, but gaze distant... And he always has these weird, but cute little spasms when he tries to be serious about something. ...Yes, Pikachu is telling the truth."

Peach seemed disgusted. "Lucas, you can't be serious!"

"I am." She slowly kneeled to Pikachu's level and pet his head, suddenly serene. "Even if this was supposed to be a surprise, thanks for the heads-up. I appreciate Ness for doing this either way."

Pikachu seemed shocked she wasn't pissed. Musta been those damn mood swings again. ("Er, well... You're welcome?")

Peach huffed. "Fine. If you're really being honest, then we need to get you ready, Lucas."

"And in order to do that..." Zelda gasped, suddenly excited. "That means we can give her a—"

Samus sighed as Peach's face lit up. "Oh, boy. Here it comes..."

**_"MAKEOVER!" _**squealed Zelda and Peach in unison, dancing about like a pair of giddy school girls.

"Makeover?" Lucas shared in Samus' disregard, a hint of uneasiness on the side. "...Why can't I just go like this?"

Zelda was outraged. "_Lucas! _You don't _dare_ go on a date with anyone without the proper attire! Casual clothing?! Yuck!"

"She's right, sweetie. You've got to get dolled up, have some pizzazz, some flair! You've got it, so you need to flaunt it!" added Peach.

"But don't you worry about that!" The other princess whisked away and grabbed a jewelry box. "Because we've got the goods right here!"

"Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh, oooooh! Dainty earrinnnnnngs!" giggled Peach, throwing some to her fellow blonde and running off.

"Diamond and pearl necklaces!" crowed Zelda, also running by and tossing some choices Lucas' way.

This soon began a round of the two darting back and forth across the room, finding the girliest things they could spruce up poor Lucas with and hurl it into her lap. Samus crossed her arms and pouted, not wanting any part of this.

"You'll need sexy perfume!"

"Glamorous high heels!"

"Nails painted!"

"A perm!"

"Makeup!"

"Lipstick!"

"Cleavage!"

Zelda gasped, skidding to a halt with a silky slip in hand. "Peach! We want to make her look presentable, not like a slut..."

Peach scoffed, waving her off. "Oh, pshaw! A little skin never hurt."

"A little's always too much for you..."

"Girl, don't even get me started. Lucas is a bit more willing to show off than you are, Ms. Fuddy-Duddy." She playfully tugged on her. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

Lucas looked terrified. "Uh..."

"Fuddy-Dudd—?!" Zelda stomped a foot. "Well, sorry for not being a whore every chance I get like _some_ people!"

Peach rose furiously. _"**Excuse me?!** Did you just call me a **whore**?!"_

She crossed her arms. "You said it, not me. I said '_some_ people'."

"And by '_some_ people', you meant me! Don't think just 'cuz I'm blonde I'm stupid!"

"Peach, you really need to stop insinuating everything. I didn't even say that."

"Insinuate **_this_**!"

And with that, Peach flung a box of cosmetics at her, its contents spilling everywhere. Zelda's tempered quickly flared as she was pelted with lipstick and mascara, scoffing in anger and surprise. Furrowing her brow, she hurled several hangers of frilly undergarments at her as retaliation. The clothes did little to hurt her, but them falling to the floor in such neglect was enough to set Peach off. This lead to a small staredown, then the inevitable catfight broke out.

("Hmm, guess this is a good time as any to leave...") coughed Pikachu, zipping out the door.

"..." Lucas cringed as the princesses had it out before her, still not used to the art of catfights yet. Honestly, this was all quite traumatizing to her. Poor thing.

Samus could see this was upsetting her, so she touched a shoulder. "...Maybe we should leave these two alone for a while. We can go look for some dresses for you until then, okay?"

Apparently, that musta been the magic word, as Peach and Zelda stopped their squabbling and jolted up. **_"DRESSES?!"_**

"Ohmigawsh, Lucas!" screamed Zelda. "T-this'll be the first time you'll get to wear a dress!"

"Oh..." she made a face. "Um, do I have to? They look all itchy..."

"Yes! Of course you do—Oh my gosh..." she sighed, rubbing her temples in pity.

"Okay... Zel, this is no time for fighting. We really need to give Lucas here a refresher on the ins and outs of being a lady. I figured maybe if we left her alone, it'd come naturally, but it's not happening fast enough." She waved her off. "Now make yourself useful and go get me some lipstick, please. Samus, be a lamb and grab her shoulders."

"Huh?" Lucas tensed up as she unenthusiastically did so. "W-wait! You're not gonna hurt me, are you?"

Peach didn't answer as Zelda irately flung some lipstick at her, which she proceeded to twist out after throwing back a quick glare. "...Sweetheart, this'll all go a lot faster if you just hooold still, okay?"

_

* * *

_

Ooh, wow, was messing things up fun! It was about time something went completely haywire there. Why, Pikachu hadn't had this much of a thrill since Donkey Kong's tie shrunk in the wash, thanks to him, and he went on an absolute rampage. They were cleaning up the house for days! He could only _imagine_ the psychotic chaos Ness would cause!

The rodent scurried about the house, passing onlookers and the occasional rowdy nonsense, looking for Lucas' worse half. As big as the place was, he lucked out and found Ness almost immediately. He, Toon Link, Kirby, and Popo were on a patio outside, having lunch and discussing... things. His ears flopped about in interest.

...Things, huh? Well, he wanted to know what kind of "things" they were talking about. Intrigued, he crawled his way over and hid under the table.

"...I don't hafta get all dressed up or anything, do I?" he heard Ness ask, pouting. "I hate that..."

"Ness, it's a date. You're supposed to look your best," voiced Toon Link, sipping a drink. "You don't want Lucas to think you're a slob, do you?"

"But... I don't wanna dress up. It's lame..." He crossed his arms. "And gross... Lucas knows I hate that kinda stuff. Why can't I just go casual?"

"Because dates are supposed to be proper and tender. Come on, Ness, work with me here..."

"Maybe Lucas is one of those girls who don't care about looks," said Kirby, nomming on a plate of burgers. "Her open-mindedness is one of her best features!"

"But even if she was, the other girls'll certainly be looking. And you know how judgmental _they_ are..." reminded Toon Link.

"...Can I at least still wear my hat?" tried Ness.

The only blonde winced. "Wearing hats during formal meetings is considered rude."

He sighed, putting his head down in disgust. "This whole date thing's harder than I thought... Maybe we should call it off."

Aghast, Pikachu leapt up. ("Aw, what?! Where're your balls, Ness? What, did Red rip 'em and show you how to be real man?")

Merely hearing that name sent Ness into a rage, but he found himself unable to rip the mouse a new one, as he'd just caught him in the act of using his advice from earlier.

"Pikachu, stop," scolded Toon Link with a scowl. "You're not making this any better."

"Yeah, we're trying to help Ness get ready for his date with Lucas!" spouted Popo. "And it's supposed to be a secret, too, so butt out!"

Ness angrily backhanded him. "Y'know, when things're supposed to be a secret, people _aren't_ supposed to know about them..."

"Why? Was I tipping him off?"

("I see you four were discussing the idea I pitched to Ness here earlier and I just thought I'd chip in.") He sneakily elbowed him. ("D'see what I did there? Huh? Huh? Pitch? Get it? 'Cuz you like baseball? Eh? Eh?")

"What?! I thought Ness was the pitcher and Lucas was the catcher!" argued Popo. "Ness, that's what you said earlier! You so said that! Did you lie?!"

"This was all Pikachu's idea?" Toon Link seemed taken aback. "I didn't know that..."

Kirby frowned sadly. "But Ness, you said it was yours and you needed help with it. This kinda changes things..."

"All right, everyone shut up!" demanded Ness, causing everyone to zip their lip. "Yeah, so I used Pikachu's idea, okay? Seemed like a good one at the time, all right? Now that everyone freaking knows, I guess it wasn't, but you know what? I don't care. I don't care if you wouldn't advise it, I don't care if it makes me look like a hypocrite, and I sure as hell don't care if you think I'm plagiarizing. If you got something to say or add or voice about this, stuff it, 'cuz I don't give a rat's ass."

"..." And no one had anything to say to that.

Finished with that little disclaimer, he plopped back into his seat and crossed his arms. "...So. We gonna help me with that date or what, TL?"

"...I suppose so." He shrugged. "Uh, what were we talking about again?"

Pikachu scoffed. ("Oh, so that's it? Ness steals my idea, whines about it, and now no one cares?")

"The attire for this dumb thing," answered Ness to Toon Link, ignoring the Pokémon. "It's stupid. I always wear these clothes. Why change? Lucas has no sense of fashion."

("Uh, hello?") nagged the rodent.

"Of course she does; she's a girl, it's inborn," said Kirby.

("'cuse meeee...")

"I'd like to say it's too hindered for her to use, anyway..." responded the psychic.

("Guyyyyyys...")

"Why don't you go naked? Think that'd appeal? Don't girls dig naked guys?" asked Popo.

("Hey!")

Ness slowly turned to face him, as did Kirby and Toon Link. "...Popo, that has got to be the dumbest thing you've **_ever_** said. **_Ever_**."

"Liar! That's hot and you know it! Do that!"

("All right. I see you guys don't want me, the very _reason_ you're all talking about this, around, so I'll go.") Pikachu hopped onto the floor. ("I've got better ways to waste my time than with a pack of ungrateful punks.")

"Good, go. And stay gone," snorted Ness. "But don't let me catch you telling Lucas about this, or else."

Pikachu played innocent. ("Huh?")

"What?"

The mouse cleaned out an ear. ("I'm sorry, what?")

The capped boy frowned. "Whaddya mean, 'what'? I said you better not tell Lucas any of this, or else. In case you haven't noticed, it's supposed to be a surprise."

Mouth turning up, he idly picked said ear. ("Oh, well, you shoulda told me that earlier.")

Ness looked at him crazily. "...What?"

He shrugged offhandedly. ("Yeah, see, 'cuz I took it upon myself to go and tell Lucas about this. Y'know, so she'd know about it in advance.")

**_"YOU WHAT?!"_** he roared.

("Oh, c'mon. It's your own damn fault for saying you'd never listen to me, then turn right around and—")

Pikachu didn't get to finish as Ness angrily grabbed his ears and hoisted him into the air, getting in his face and proceeding to dementedly shake him like a maraca.

**_"I'M GONNA SHAKE THE JOULES OUTTA YOU! WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO TELL HER THAT?!" _**

("Y'know, I'm surprised you even know what joules are,") flatly remarked the mouse.

**_"YOU'RE ALSO GONNA BE SURPRISED AT HOW EASILY I CAN RIP YOU APART! ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO MAKE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL?!"_** he barked, still shaking him senseless.

"Ness, calm down," soothed Toon Link. "As much as it feels like it, shaking and yelling at things won't solve all your problems."

_"Well, it sure as hell makes me feel better!"_ he snarled, albeit lighter than before.

Pikachu crossed his arms. ("Ness, I did you a favor, all right? If you'd asked Lucas go out with you after what happened this morning, the other girls'd kicked your ass.")

"..."

("It was hard enough for me to get a word in edgewise with them; you woulda been mauled.")

"..." Ness seethed for a moment, shoulders rising and falling angrily. As much as he wanted to make a children's size coat outta him, he couldn't deny the ugly truth.

("That's right, I preempted a great tragedy before it even happened. You should be grateful.") He pointed to the ground. ("Now put me down, please.")

"..." He took that a little too literally and slammed Pikachu face first into the floor.

Coming to his senses, he scowled. ("...Y'know, I could easily report you for aggravated violence and reckless endangerment to your peers if I wanted.")

"C'mon," Toon Link tugged on Ness' arm, "I guess since Lucas already knows, we should go get ready. Also, it'd probably be in our best interest to avoid her until then, too. The awkwardness would be devastating."

It took Ness a few angry heaves until he came to his senses. "...Fine. It's already past lunch, anyway. We don't have much time... Let's go."

As he and the rest turned to leave, Pikachu beamed and casually followed on all fours as if he were part of the group. Ness made sure he knew he was anything but welcome, whipping around to angle his bat at him.

"_Not_ you."

("Aw, whassa matter?") teased the mouse, leaning on the tip. ("You still mad 'cuz I told on you? Get a grip already, Ness. I'm the one who _gave_ you that idea. I'm just taking credit where credit is due.")

"I don't care. You're not coming. You've caused enough damage today."

("C'mon! I'm nice enough to give you a good idea, as well as help you bypass the girls' wrath, and _this_ is the thanks I get?")

"No, _this_ is the thanks you get."

Pikachu wasn't fast enough this time, as Ness reared back and sent him flying off into the stratosphere. Had onlookers been watching, they woulda wondered if that counted as a Star KO or not.

_

* * *

_

Sometime later, out in the midst of a thick section of the forest, a shady figure waited silently against a tree. He hadn't been there too long, and didn't expect to be much longer if things turned out right.

A ball skillfully twirled about his finger, only for the hand to pull away, then grab it in midair and repeat the process. This went on for a few minutes until scampering was heard. The ball was grabbed one last time, now being held. The owner smiled.

"So... Did everything go according to plan?" he asked.

("It was easier than I thought,") answered a new, smaller figure as it appeared on the scene. ("A little _too_ easy, actually. I think he may be onto you.")

"Pfft, this is _Ness_ we're talking about, all right? He's got a one-track mind; I bet he can't even begin to realize how suspicious this is."

("Are you saying that 'cuz it's true or from personal experience?")

He sputtered, frowning. "...W-well... I... It's not... That's... J-just shut up, that doesn't matter now."

("If you say so.") He sat down. ("So, what exactly do you have in mind for this, anyway?")

"Why, to make a mess of it, of course. There's no better way of screwing someone over than to trick them into going along with your plan, then come in and ruin the whole thing. It'll be a double whammy for sure!"

("Uh, 'double whammy'? Sorry, but I think you'll need to rephrase that. I got things all convoluted; you're on your own for the rest.")

"What?! Aw, but whyyyyyyy?"

("I have a reputation to uphold here. I mean, I'm a main representative; the best of the best. I'm supposed to be setting examples for _you_ guys. If Master Hand caught me doing something this jerkish, he'd poke me to death for sure.")

He snorted. "Like he hasn't done that before."

Getting on all fours, he stood to go. ("Sorry, count me out for Part Two. But hey, don't let my lack of guidance intimidate you or anything. Trust me, I'll be waiting to see how it all turns out. Use that as inspiration. See ya!")

He bounded through a thicket and back to civilization, leaving the figure by himself. He snorted.

"Fine, be that way." He then grinned. "Just means more fun for me..."

_

* * *

_

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Chapter got too long, so I got my Absol to Night Slash it in half. What a good girl she is. _


	24. Taking Out the Undeniable: Part II

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ What is up with me and long chapters? You'll be glad I split this. Together, this one and the next probably would've been about 15,000 words._

_

* * *

_

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 24:_**_ Taking Out the Undeniable (Part II)_

_

* * *

_

Toon Link sat up, swiping sweat off his brow. "Well, Ness. That's it. I've taught you every single thing I know about girls. I've nothing left to say but... well, good luck."

Ness snorted, sitting on the ground, the result of their last lesson in courting a lady across a mud puddle gone horribly wrong. "Well, if that's it, I guess that's it. I'll just improvise the rest."

His tutor sighed. "Just remember everything I taught you and you'll be fine."

Ness narrowed his eyes. "TL, you didn't teach me jack. Everything you said I already knew from either experience or TV."

"I taught you as well as I could, but did you learn as well as you could?"

"No, 'cuz you were a horrible teacher."

Exasperated, Toon Link shrugged. "Well, that's not my problem."

"..." Ness wanted to rip him a new one for that. He did. He knew he was his friend again, but he really did.

"Hey!" annoyingly called Popo from a distance. Both boys turned to see him and Kirby sitting on a tree branch a way's off. "You guys finished playing house, or what?"

Despite that making absolutely NO sense, Kirby looked up from idly swinging his feet. "Yeah, and tell 'em we're hungry and it's getting close to dinner and we wanna go eat."

"Yeah! And Kirby said we're hungry and we wanna go eat, too! So hurry it up, will ya?"

"Popo, we're standing right here," said Ness, him and Toon Link now directly below them.

"...Oh." He waved. "Hi! Took you long enough, but whatever. Can we go eat now?"

"Yeah, if you get down from there."

"..." Popo blinked.

"..." Kirby blinked.

"...Well?" asked the psychic, starting to get annoyed.

After a long, awkward silence, Popo shamefully admitted, "...We... kinda don't know how..."

He expected as much. "Fantastic."

* * *

Ness looked on in disinterest as something or other exploded behind him. It was the usual chaos at mealtime, as always. Calm and order would've been something to actually gawk at.

Popo stirred in some noodles. "Wow, it's a good thing DK's so good at climbing trees, or we woulda been there all night! I can't even remember how we got up there."

"We climbed," reminded Kirby.

"...Oh yeah!"

Ness groaned. Why did he feel like he was the only person here with his sanity left intact, but was losing it exceedingly fast?

The puffball decided to change the subject. "But anyway, I'm glad you two're finally finished with that whole girl talk. I found it very informative, but things got boring after the whole cross-dressing deal."

"...A-ah!" Toon Link fumbled to correct him. "It's called role-playing, Kirby! There's a big difference!"

Popo shrugged. "Whatever, same difference. I'm just happy it's over. Me and Kirby hardly got to do anything."

"That's 'cuz you two kept getting in the way," grumbled Ness, talking through chewing a cheeseburger.

"Nu-unh! We were great assets! You just didn't know how to use us!"

"'Cuz neither of you know a thing about chicks."

"Improvising is a very strong quality!"

Ness scoffed. "I bet you don't even know what that word means."

Popo made a face. "Well, you use it like that all the time!"

"Y'know why? 'Cuz I know what it means, unlike you."

"What?"

"Uh, Ness, I meant to ask," said Toon Link, sipping soda. "If we're having dinner now, when you gonna eat it with Lucas?"

"Oh, well, see, she's gonna—" He went pale.

"..." Immediately, everyone at the table stopped eating and focused on him.

He feigned innocence. "...What?"

"Ness," Toon Link sighed, trying not to get mad, "you _did_ tell Lucas when the date was going to be, right?"

"Uh..."

"And you _do_ know yourself when the date's going to be, right?"

"..."

"Ness!" he spat.

"Well, whatever." He reclined in his chair, foreseeing a lecture. "So I forgot. Big whoop. It's not too late now."

"It's 8 o'clock!"

"Actually, it's 8:19..." corrected Kirby, glancing at a wall clock across the lunchroom.

"Then we could have it at 10. Whatever."

"Oh yeah, that's nice!" the blonde sarcastically exclaimed. "So, how's Lucas going to know that?"

"You go tell her."

"You're not even prepared! You're going to show up like that?"

He hunched his shoulders apathetically. "Eh."

"And what about everyone eating in here? What, you just want them to clear out? Besides, if you have the date at 10, this place'll be closed! And even if it wasn't, it'll be a mess! _Most_ unromantic."

"Lucas ain't too much on presentation anyway. We could have this thing in the bathroom and she probably wouldn't care."

"Ness, you were so busy trying to appeal to Lucas' senses, you didn't pay a lick of attention to the preparations! You shouldn't even be eating now! Save your appetite for the date!"

"Eh, I can make room."

"How come you're so laid back about this now? You were having a fit about it this morning," wondered Kirby.

"'Cuz I wanted to impress Lucas, not have a damn wake for the wedding. Besides, Cat Eyes over here already has his tights in a knot, so why should I? I messed up, okay? I admit it. What's done is done, so if he really wants to help, maybe he should just go tell Lucas I wanna meet her in here at 10, like I said in the first place."

"First off," he sternly said, "I'm wearing a _tunic_. Not tights, a _tunic_. Okay? Second, remember what I said earlier today? The girls aren't going to be too happy if they see how sloppy you are about this. Not to mention, I think it's safe to say you're not exactly on good terms with any girl in the house now."

"..." Ness hated it when he when his idle ignorance was overthrown by simple reasoning. In response, he immediately turned his nose up. "Well, y'know what, TL? That's not true, 'cuz I know Nana's still pretty cool. Well, for a girl, anyway."

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" innocently asked the puffball, taking him too literally.

"..." Toon Link looked aghast. "...Nana?"

"Yeah, Nana. Dressed in stereotypical pink, used to hang out with Little Boy Blue over there?" He pointed at Popo. "Was probably the only chick around here who knew what she was talking about, but wasn't annoyingly difficult to stand?"

The little swordsman groaned. "I know who she is, Ness. I mean... I guess I haven't seen her in so long, I kind of forgot she wasn't here... She hasn't exactly been out in the open for some time now..."

"Actually, I haven't seen her in a while, either," added Kirby, nomming cheesecake. "Wonder why..."

"Yeah, who knows where that crazy gal ran off to?" laughed Popo, like it was no more of his problem than anyone else's.

Ness turned to make a face at him. "Popo, she's your partner. I'd like to think you'd be more worried over her than this."

He shuffled stupidly. "Well, how am I supposed to know where she went? It's not like we can read each other's minds or anything."

"Despite that not being further from the truth, you should still at least be a little concerned."

"Oh, well, whatever. Guess she just got tired of following me around. What do I look like, her keeper?"

The psychic looked at him blankly. "...What?"

"What?" He shrugged. "We lost touch."

Toon Link was appalled. "...Lost touch? What do you mean, 'lost touch'? Without her, there's no Ice Climbers, and that's the only way you guys are allowed to fight!"

"Oh, we still fight, but she leaves after it's over. And even when fighting, I think she's only doing it to keep us from getting expelled from lack of coordination. She's got, like, no synergy with me now."

"But why?" asked Kirby.

"Beats me. It's like we don't click anymore. I mean, she always used to go on and on about how I don't pay attention to her, or give her the time of day... Said something about never wanting to see my face again, too." He laughed. "Heh, you know how girls are. Them and their empty threats."

Toon Link made a face. "...I don't think those were empty threats."

"Of course they were; Nana's a girl."

Ness regarded Popo with disgust. "...And how long has this been going on again?"

"I dunno, since this whole thing with Lucas began. Longer than I can remember. It's no big deal, anyway. Nana and I have been through worse scraps."

"But Popo, this isn't a scrap. It's a matter of affection," said Toon Link. "Can you imagine how Nana must be feeling now? Not only being outclassed by Lucas, but ignored by you in favor of her? Maybe you _do_ get on her nerves sometimes, but I think she'd rather have that than you flat out dump her for someone you didn't even know was a girl. How... demoralizing."

Realizing this was more serious than he thought, Popo twiddled his thumbs. "Well... I quit chasing after Lucas. And it's not like we ever hit it off or anything..."

"Still, I don't think Nana appreciated it..."

"But we didn't even hit it off!"

"Doesn't matter. I mean, how would you feel if Nana started a relationship with... I don't know, King Dedede, because he has a bigger hammer?"

Suddenly, Popo frowned, sitting up and slamming his hands on the table. "That's not fair! All you other guys didn't have girlfriends in this tournament! So, what? Just 'cuz I do, that makes me the bad guy?"

"We didn't say that," defended the kid in the tunic.

"Well, you're incinerating it!"

"...I think you mean insinuating," corrected Kirby.

"Oh, so now you're trying to patronize me!"

"Well, you used the wrong word—"

Popo fumed. "I don't need this! You guys can just stuff it with all the lovey-dovey talk, 'cuz I don't need to know how to handle Nana! Do you know how long we've been together?"

"Can't have been too long. How old are you two? 10?" That was uncalled for, he knew, but Ness just had to say it.

The Ice Climber was furious at this point, madder than anyone ever remembered seeing him. "You guys think you can just waltz in and tell me how to treat _my_ girl? You ganged up on Red, so I guess I'm the target now, huh? Well then, who's next, Kirby?"

"..." Looking apologetic, Toon Link opened his mouth.

"Y'know what, no! I'm done with this!" He stormed away from the table, smacking his chair aside with his mallet. "If you guys're gonna keep ganging up on me like this, I'm just gonna leave! And have fun making things more awkward with Lucas, Ness! Yeah, I hope she wises up and leaves you before you mess her up even more!"

And with that, he stomped off.

"..." Ness stared flatly until he bolted up from his chair, only for Toon Link to stop him.

"Ness, no. Just let him go. I'm sure he didn't mean that..."

"You hear what the hell he said? About me? About _Lucas_? Lemme go, I'll show him messed up!"

"No, Ness, c'mon. You can't keep getting in these stupid personal fights," he pled, struggling against his friend's sudden might. "Save that anger for the battles! Please!"

Ness stopped to glare at him. "TL, you've never had your dignity insulted, haven't you?"

"We live in a house with dozens of people and animals from the farthest reaches of time and space, most of which think they have better things to do with their time than associate themselves with more than half the residents here. So, I'm sure that's happened to everyone by now, okay?"

"..." That seemed to appease Ness as he reluctantly calmed down. Exasperated, he sighed as Toon Link let go. "Popo better hope I don't see him again for a long time. I know that much..."

"Excuse me," said a curious Samus, appearing on the scene with crossed arms. "Everything all right over here? I heard things getting a bit volatile. ...In a bad way."

"Uh, oh hi, Miss Samus..." weakly waved Toon Link. "We're just having a little discrepancy over here."

"Over your little rendezvous with Lucas, right?"

"Yeah." He seemed shocked. "How'd you—"

"Well, what else would Loverboy here be so worried about?"

Ness wanted to yank her ponytail off. How dare she be right about his emotions?

She noticed this sudden change in attitude and smiled. "Uh oh, looks like a stepped on a nerve." She laughed. "Okay, but seriously, kid. If it's that big of a deal, how about I... lend a hand? Crazy, I know, but it just may work."

"But... you're a _girl_!" squealed Kirby, as if her offering such a service was illegal.

Samus rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. What, you think I'm still in cahoots with Peach and Zelda, or something?"

Toon Link looked away. "Well—"

"I got tired of watching them squawk and squeal over poor Lucas and squirt noxious fumes all over the place, so I finally decided to kick them out of my room. They left it a mess, so I came to get a bite to eat while I got some R.O.B.s in there to freshen it back up."

Ness blinked. "That bad, huh?"

"Yeah, they're pretty sore at me now. They dragged Lucas off to the Mario Room, and I haven't seen them since. Until this thing's over, I'm officially on their hate list. Don't worry; we're all supposed to be 'hating' Jigglypuff too, because she didn't show up to help with Lucas."

"Geez," Kirby rubbed his head. "Being a girl is hard... Who knew there were so many rules?"

"Trust me, there's not much more to it than there is being a man..." She snorted. "Peach and Zelda're just two very bad examples. I hope it doesn't rub off on Lucas..."

"How is she, anyway?" asked Ness. "I figured she'd be getting the royal treatment for this, but it sure doesn't sound like it..."

"Hmm, poor thing's caught in a vicious game of tug-of-war, I'll say that much. She can hardly get a word in edgewise before Peach pummels her with makeup and Zelda rips off what she was wearing because it clashed with her earrings or something."

The psychic looked little upset at that. "Sheesh... And I thought I had it hard..."

Samus smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Ah, don't fret, Romeo. Lucas is fine, I assure you. You'll barely recognize her when you see her tonight."

"In a good way or a bad way?"

"..." She looked at him blankly, then smiled again. "Oh, you. You're funny."

Why did girls always say that about him? Couldn't they be frank with something just once?

"Speaking of which," she continued, "when exactly is the date, anyway? The girls've been so busy getting Lucas ready, they don't even know when it's supposed to be."

"Uh..." Ness looked around.

"Oh, Ness doesn't know," blabbed Kirby. "See, it's really funny, actually. He's been so caught up in trying to learn poise and etiquette, he never set a timeframe. So your guess is as good as ours!"

"Kirby, just 'cuz Popo's not here doesn't mean you hafta act like him," grumbled the PSI user.

The bounty hunter shook her head. "Bad planning on your part, kid. Gotta be more prepared. Stay on your toes. I bet you're planning on meeting Lucas looking like that, huh?"

"..."

"Nope, nope. You can't do that. Lucas will think you've got no sense of fashion."

"Oh, like she does?"

"Maybe not, but she does want you to at least look like you care about this. Amid Peach and Zelda's nonsense, she's actually quite excited to see you."

He made a face. "...Yeah right. You're just saying that..."

"Now what reason would I have to lie, Ness? I'm really not supposed to be engaging in this conversation with you. The girls'd kill me, but who's to say I'm not peeved at them right now, either?" She shook her frustration off. "Anyway, whatever. We're wasting time. When you're planning to do this?"

"10 o'clock, I guess."

"That's less than two hours. We've got to work fast. Fortunately for you, I see all the problems as plain as day and how to go about fixing them." She grabbed his hat, tossing it on the table. "There's one right there."

"What? Aw, but... Not my hat..." whined her subject, holding his head.

"C'mon Ness, that's one part of your wardrobe that has to go."

"But whyyyy? I like it..."

"Because it's not professional. You want Lucas to think bad of you?"

"No..."

"Then leave it off. Next is your clothes. Let's see..." She surveyed the room for someone. "Ah, yes. Mario!"

Being only a few tables away, Mario was spotted repeatedly socking Luigi in the arm, 'cuz... well, he was Luigi. Hearing his name, he stopped and approached. "What?"

"You're pretty fashionable, right?"

He grinned. "I use the term quite loosely, so—"

"Whatever. Tell me you have some extra slacks or something for pipsqueak here."

He removed his hat to scratch his head in confusion. "Samus, you may as well ask me to sprout wings and blow fire. I can only do so much."

"What?" She decided to play on his ego. "But you're _Mario_. _The_ Mario. There's nothing you can't do! ...Right?"

"Well—"

"So you're telling me I'm wrong? The great Mario _can't_ stand and deliver for once? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Samus, what do I look like, a haberdasher? I'm a plumber, the very last guy you should be asking for some clothes."

Toon Link looked around, as did everyone else. Their other choices in proper attire weren't much better. He had to be kidding, right?

The plumber shrugged. "...Okay, well that's a bit of an understatement, but still."

"Come on, Mario. You can't tell me you and Peach actually go on dates with you looking like that."

"I'm as surprised as you are, honestly."

Unbeknownst to all but Toon Link, an orange claw suddenly appeared from underneath table and began patting around, obviously trying to get something. Frowning sadly, he tugged on Samus.

"Um, excuse me? Miss Samus..."

"Not now, kid. I'm busy."

He eagerly pointed. "But... but, Miss Samus, um..."

"Come on, kid." She waved him off. "I said I'm busy. Fixing up someone like Ness requires work. A lot of it."

"Hey!" spat Ness.

"But I think you should see this..." No sooner had he finished, the claw ran across Mario's hat. Feeling its texture, it promptly stole it and retreated. "Uh, nevermind then..."

Mario rubbed his temples and sighed. "All right, all right, all right... I _may_ have some extras back in my room, but I can't promise anything. And if you want it done so soon, we'll need to hustle. Just like Ness to wait until the last minute to do this."

"I'd really appreciate more helping and less backhanding, please," flatly reminded Ness.

"Thanks, Mario. You're a lifesaver," quickly thanked Samus, grabbing Ness. "As for you, you're coming with me."

"Huh? Why?"

The blonde didn't answer as she sprinted off to places unknown, leaving everyone else stupefied. Mario suddenly realized something.

"Hey... Any of you guys see where my hat went? It was just here a second ago..."

* * *

"Great!" exclaimed Samus, once back in her room. "The R.O.B.s got everything back the way I wanted. You wouldn't believe how it looked an hour ago. The smell was awful... But anyway, Ness. I'll need you to take off your shirt and remove your trousers."

He made a face. "...Excuse me?"

"What? You need a bath. When's the last time you showered?"

"I dunno, day before yesterday. Who cares?"

"That's appalling." She yanked off his shirt.

"H-hey!" he exclaimed, covering himself.

She scowled. "And I bet these things haven't been washed in ages, have they?"

"What do I look like, my mom? I don't know!"

"Disgusting." She tossed them into a hamper.

Turning on Ness again, she hurled him to the ground and proceeded to steal his shorts. This usually woulda been a cool thing, having a hot lady attack you and strip you of your clothes, but... no, it wasn't. It just wasn't. It was uncool, scary, and downright disturbing.

Down to his boxers, he scrambled away to take refuge behind her bed. _"What're you think you're doing? I'm almost naked!"_

She went over and pushed him towards the bathroom. "I'm trying to help, now stop whining and get in that shower. Take off your shorts while in there, please. And try not to make a mess..."

Ness stopped her progress by grabbing the frame of the door. "W-w-wait! A shower? In _here_? With _you_ outside? Why can't I take one in my room?"

"I want to keep you out of sight until the date, so you'll be staying here with me for now. I couldn't even begin to imagine the awkwardness if Lucas, Peach, or Zelda caught either of us running about..."

"If they're so busy dolling up Lucas, why would you hafta worry about that? Can't I use the house's bath downstairs at least?"

Again, she displayed a ridiculous amount of strength for a chick and tossed him in, grabbing the doorknob as he slammed against it in retaliation.

"There has to be some kinda rule against making me do this!" he growled.

"Oh, be quiet. It's not that bad. You need a good washing, and you're going to get it whether you want to or not."

"Oh, yeah?" He crossed his arms. "Well, what if I don't?"

"That's fine." She dangled his shorts tauntingly. "You could always go in your birthday suit."

"..."

"You're welcome, cupcake," she slyly cooed before inching out and closing the door. "You've got 30 minutes, Ness. Use them wisely!"

...

...

...

...Okay.

Ness was now convinced.

This had to've been some sorta... nightmare.

* * *

Lucas sighed as her hair was rinsed for the umpteenth time in the bathroom sink. Hours ago, she would've been whining and fighting against it, but she didn't seem to care anymore now.

Peach crazily dug her fingers into her wet tresses, trying to smooth to it her liking. And, like many times before, it failed.

"GAH!" she spat, exasperated. "I give up; this girl's hair is _impossible_!"

"Peach, I'm telling you; you're using the wrong conditioner," sighed Zelda in the bedroom.

"It's this cowlick! It just won't stay down!" She scrambled more with it. "I wanted to give her a cute little ponytail or make it shoulder-length or something, but it refuses to go the way I want!"

"Just leave it alone. Short hair can be sexy on girls."

"But I want to comb it ooooout!" she pouted, stomping a foot.

"..." Lucas was pretty much a mannequin at this point. She didn't even perk up as a knock sounded at the door. Peach and Zelda did, at least.

"Whoever it is, if you have a penis, go away!" shouted Peach.

Zelda angrily shoved her. "Stop it! Can you be any more immature if you tried?"

"I bet that's probably Ness or one of his hooligan pals outside, so don't you start pointing the finger at me, girl!"

"Well, whoever it is, they can't see Lucas yet. She's nowhere near done..."

"I'll get it," sternly replied Peach. "And they better not try and weave their way in here, either. I'm not in the mood..."

Zelda rubbed her temples. "Peach, please... Don't do something we'll all regret."

But her pleas fell on deaf ears as her fellow princess yanked the door open. "All right, that's it! I've had it up to here with your—!" She stopped short as Toon Link meekly smiled and waved.

"Um, evening Miss Peach," he greeted.

"...Oh. It's just you." She smiled. "Well hello there, darling. What's wrong?"

"I came here with a message from Ness—"

Immediately, she slammed a palm into the door. _"I knew it! I knew it! _Toon Link, you tell that troublemaker he—!"

"No, no! I came to tell you he wanted to meet Lucas in the cafeteria tonight at 10... I don't think you knew of these... arrangements."

"10? Well, that's odd. Seems a bit late... What time is it now—?" She squealed as the clock on the wall read 9:28. "Ohmigawsh!"

"Yeah, sorry." Toon Link rubbed his head sheepishly. "Ness... actually forgot to set a time, so he kind of made it up on the spot and told me to come tell you as soon as possible."

"That knucklehead, Ness! Always waiting 'til the last minute! Just like a man!" She slammed the door, rage continuing inside. "URGH! Zelda! Kick it into the high gear! Time slipped away from us!"

"What does that mean?"

"When will you stop asking questions and just do what I say when I say it?"

"Because I'm a princess, too! Who do you thinking you are, bossing me around? I'm not one of your dinky, little servants!"

"Dinky? They're cute, loyal, and overall expendable! Nothing wrong with that!"

"That's probably why your ass keeps getting stolen every two days!"

**_"HOW DARE YOU?"_**

Toon Link decided to leave. No point in waiting around 'til one of 'em took out their fury on him...

* * *

"All right, Ness," called Samus. "It's been a while now, so if you truly showered, you can come on out. There's a towel near the sink, so cover up. Really don't want to see your junk."

A minute or two later, Ness stuck his head out, looking none too happy with these circumstances. Samus wasn't fazed.

"There's no Stopwatch in here, so I suggest you speed it up, kid."

Letting out an aggravated sigh, he slowly inched out, making sure the towel was tightly secure around his waist. He really didn't want Samus to see his junk, either.

"Good boy! You look great!" she praised.

"Whatever. Now what?"

"Well, I don't know how he did it, but Mario stopped by while you were in there and dropped off something you can actually wear and look good in."

Ness was beyond amazed. "...Now how'd he mange to actually do that?"

Samus shrugged. "He's Mario; he has connections. I really doubt these're actually his, but who cares? We got 'em, they're perfect, and I know you'll look great when you put 'em on."

"Good, gimme. I'm feeling more than a little awkward here."

As he came over, Samus gathered the clothes and proceeded to hand them over. Meanwhile, Ness proceeded to reach out and grab them, but that left the towel to sag around his hips and eventually fall off. Feeling a breeze, he freaked out.

Seeing this, Samus' eyes went wide as she hurled the clothes at him, shielding her face. "Hey! Woah, there! Junk in the face! Get back in there and change, kid! Pronto!"

Ness didn't need to be told twice as he ducked back into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. Hopefully, she didn't see more than she needed to...

* * *

"...Aaaaand done!" Peach giddily clasped her hands together, grinning like an idiot. "Aw, Lucaaaas! You look beautiful!"

"..." Sitting before a mirror, Lucas felt more like she'd been stripped of her pride.

Despite all the bumbling and fumbling done over her, Peach and Zelda had actually done a great job. Lucas looked good enough to be a young princess herself, donned in a soft pink gown that seemed to flow flawlessly down her figure. Well, aside from her bit of a baby bump, but little could be done about that. Zelda said it looked becoming of her anyway, so...

Her hair finally left alone, the pair of princesses focused mainly on applying makeup and jewelry. They decided on giving her a golden set of trinkets to set it all off; this included loop earrings, a necklace, and some bracelets and rings thrown in for good measure. Her perfume was nothing short of intoxicating, while the various cosmetics did wonders with her visage.

Overall, she looked nearly perfect. Sadly, she didn't look too thrilled.

Seeing this, Peach's face fell. "Aww, what's wrong, sweetie? You okay?"

"...No," she hollowly answered. "I feel... strange..."

"Oh, that's only because you've never worn a dress before. You poor thing. Trust me, it's a lot better than those raggedy, old shirt and shorts." She shuddered. _"Ugh..."_

Lucas' eyes watered. "..."

"Ah! N-no, sweetie!" Realizing her mistake, she grabbed her shoulders. "I didn't mean it like that! W-what I mean was that... uh, I don't really—"

"Shut up, Peach! You're making it worse!" growled Zelda, kicking her away. She dried Lucas' eyes from behind, smiling at their reflections. "Don't cry now. You'll mess up your mascara. You look beautiful, dear. Pink and gold really make you shine."

"I don't feel it..."

"It's your first time being spruced up. You'll get used to it."

"No..." She turned away. "I look awful..."

"What? But why? How can you say that?"

"I just feel so... fake." She began to rub her face. "I want all this stuff off..."

"No, no, no!" Peach stopped her. "Stop it, dear. You look fine, trust me! If that's not good enough, wait until Ness sees you. Take it from us; you look divine."

"What if I trip and fall on the way? I don't like these... shoes." She looked at them in disgust.

"Well, sneakers with a dress are extremely tacky, so it'll have to do."

"She's right about the falling, though. She's never worn heels before, has she? We could escort her, but that wouldn't make for a good entrance," mused Zelda.

"Oh, great!" growled Peach. "So _now_ you start thinking about that! Five minutes beforehand!"

"Don't get your panties in a knot," she scoffed. "I've got an idea."

Peach was about to question it when she suddenly exited, going to knock on their neighbor's door. An egg-shaped symbol marking the resident, it was only natural that Yoshi happily answered.

("Hello!") he greeted.

"Yoshi!" Zelda grinned.

("Hmm?")

"Could you be a lamb and help Lucas out here? See, she's wearing these fashionably cute little pumps, and isn't too confident in walking, and goodness gracious, we wouldn't her to fall or anything..."

("Oh no! She's having a baby, too! Falling would be disastrous! Sure, I can help!")

Before Zelda could convince him further, he'd already run over to the Mario Room. She followed to see him sniffing wildly at a nervous Lucas, Peach's arms crossed.

"Well, what do you think? Brilliant, huh?"

"_That's_ your idea?" scoffed Peach. "Letting her ride Yoshi? Zelda, of all the crazy schemes..."

"Like you could come up with anything. He'll just be a personal escort; a steed. That's what he is, after all. I think it's a cute idea." She looked to Lucas. "Sweetie, what's your stance?"

"..." Lucas didn't seem too keen on anything now.

Yoshi turned around and blushed. ("...I'm a bit embarrassed, actually. I don't usually carry girls on my back, you know.")

"...You won't eat me or anything, right?" she meekly asked.

("Huh? Oh, no, no, no! I know you're expectant, and we Yoshies are naturally very maternal. You're safe with me. Promise.")

She made a face. "...You sure?"

("I promise on all the eggs I can make!")

"...Fine," she sighed, still skeptical.

Carefully looking him over, it seemed the only way to board Yoshi was to, quite literally, hop on. Unfortunately, this feat was impossible in her condition.

Yoshi giggled. ("Don't worry, I don't bite.")

"Uhh... How do I get on...?"

("Oh. Here, I'll help,") he chirped. With a sudden bump into her seat, he sent her flailing onto his saddle.

"Ah!" she squealed, latching onto his neck.

"Yoshi..." warned Peach.

("Don't worry, don't worry! Gave her a little push, that's all.")

"O-okay..." Turning on her side, Lucas made a strong effort to keep her legs together. She looked around, feeling unbalanced. "You sure I'm not going to fall off, right? That'd be... very bad."

("I'll go nice and slow for you, okay? Feel free to stop me when you want. I super special promise you'll be safe with me!")

"...A-ah!" Lucas flinched as he shifted, grabbing his neck again. "I-is it okay if I... grab on here?"

("If it'll make you feel better. Trust me, you're a lot easier to carry than Mario.") He rolled his eyes at the plumber's mentioning.

"There, see?" said Zelda, feeling proud. "Worked like a charm. A girl needs a steed to look her best. I should know; in Hyrule, there's nothing sexier than riding a horse... or something like one."

"Well, whoop-dee-doo for you," snorted Peach. "Fine, have it your way. Lucas can ride if she wants, but if she or the baby gets hurt—"

"They won't! She'll be fine, okay?" Both Yoshi and Zelda said in unison.

Lucas sighed, tired of being argued over. "Can we... go now?"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Hmm, I smell trouble afoot! Who was the stranger who stole Mario's hat? I wonder..._


	25. Taking Out the Undeniable: Part III

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Aaaaaand here's the second part... Third part, whatever._

_

* * *

_

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 25:_**_ Taking Out the Undeniable (Part III)_

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Toon Link sighed, anxiously waiting outside the lunchroom with Kirby. It was 10:38 now and neither Ness or Lucas had shown up.

He shook his head. "This is ridiculous... It's just like Ness to be late to his own date, but not this late... I really hope he's not starting to rub off on Lucas, though."

"You sure you told the girls, right?" asked the puffball. "Ness is a lost clause, but maybe that's why she's late."

"I know I did. They had a fit about it afterwards."

"Well, maybe they're having some technical difficulties."

"Kirby, they've been working on her since this afternoon. It shouldn't take 12 hours to get someone ready for a date."

"Of course it should; they're girls."

No sooner had he proposed that, Yoshi tromped up, a shaky Lucas clinging to him for dear life. ("Hi, Kirby! Hi, Toon Link! What're you guys doing here?")

"Hi, Yoshi!" waved Kirby. "Oh, we're just here waiting for Ness and Lucas to finally show up for something we can't tell you about 'cuz it's secret and—" He blinked upon noticing the blonde. "Hey! There's Lucas right there! Hooray!"

Lucas perked up. "Huh? You guys? ...What's going on here? Where's Ness?"

It was then Peach and Zelda entered the scene, obviously escorting Yoshi, who was escorting Lucas. Sheesh, talk about extra coverage...

Not seeing Ness, Peach scowled. "Uh, excuse me, but... where's Mr. Romeo?"

Kirby made a face. "Who?"

Toon Link scrambled for an excuse. "Uh, well, you see... Uh... Well, um... Y-you know how it is. Nerves and everything..."

Zelda cut to the chase. "In other words, Ness isn't here yet. Why am I not surprised?"

"Good! So we got here first!" Peach yanked Lucas from Yoshi's saddle, grabbing her shoulders. "Lucas, you get in there and make him feel awful for making you wait!"

"But Peach, we were late, too..."

"Well, we still got here before he did!" She shoved her towards the door. "Now, quick. You scurry on in there and let some real men court you until he decides to show up."

"Huh?"

Lucas' question was answered as the door opened from the inside, Link offering a hand. "Well, hello there, Miss Lucas. It's about time you showed up. I was starting to think this was a joke."

"Ooh! Is she here? Is she here?" An eager Marth pushed him aside. "Yes! She is! Oh, and look how lovely she looks! Are you sure this is Lucas and not a little sister you never mentioned?"

"Oh, you!" giggled Peach.

"Please..." groaned Ike, lethargically stepping out. "Don't encourage him..."

"Ike? Marth? ...Link?" asked Toon Link. "What're you guys doing here?"

"I had cleaning duty with Lucario and DK when Marth here busted in with Ike, kicked them out, and started revamping the place," explained the bigger Link. He arched his brows. "Told me we had to make everything especially spick-and-span for a very... romantic evening."

"That's the reason we were running a little late, TL," explained Zelda. "If this is going to be a proper date, then Ness and Lucas need food, and who else to go get it than suave, sexy waiters?"

"Which is why they called upon us!" beamed Marth, elbowing Ike. "Can't go wrong with brave, valiant swordsmen, huh? Am I right, or am I right?"

"I really wish I didn't know you," he grumbled.

Toon Link twiddled his thumbs. "Well, that's all nice and dandy, but this is supposed to be a private meeting. It's appreciated, but maybe you girls could've... _not_ told anyone else about this?"

"Who cares? Knowing Ness, he'll probably think you guys did it. He's insidiously gullible at times," answered Peach.

"Yeah, who even needs Ness when Lucas has us?" Link grabbed her. "Come along now, miss."

Lucas protested. "But—"

Too late. She was yanked inside in a flash, Marth closing the door.

"Well, we did our job," said Zelda. "The rest is up to Lucas."

"And Ness, if he ever bothers to show up," added Peach.

"Don't count him out yet. I'm sure he will. He's just... fashionably late," defended Toon Link.

"Or he could've forgotten and went to sleep or something," mused Kirby. "He's not too good at remembering things that don't hafta do with eating or sleeping."

Toon Link made a face as the girls glared. "...You're really not helping, Kirby."

"Huh? Why? It's not my fault he took being fashionably late a bit too far!"

The conversation came to a screeching halt as someone cleared their throat, everyone looking up to see Samus idly leaning against a corner. A less-than-amused Ness dawdled behind.

"Before anyone shoots their mouth off, I'm the reason he's so late, okay? Not his fault, mine. Anyone feel like scolding me for it?"

Apparently, no one heard that threat; they were too busy trying to comprehend how snazzy Ness looked. It was that bizarre. He wore a pair of black slacks, topped with a black shirt with a blue tie. His hair, although still a mess, didn't look nearly as bad as it usually did. And there was no hat in sight, either. Dare they say he actually looked... presentable? The apocalypse must've not been far off.

"..." Ness turned his head, as he wasn't too keen of being ogled now.

Samus gently pushed him. "Don't worry about them, you'll knock Lucas dead. Now you go on in there and show her your stuff."

"..." He blushed.

Also blushing, she swiftly booted him in. _"Not like that, you pervert! Get in there!" _

Ness had no time to recover as he was punted into someone, the door slamming behind him. The cafeteria lights had been dimmed, so he couldn't see exactly who he'd run into.

"Hey, kid. Watch it. It's not that dark in here."

Oh, it was just Ike. Okay then.

...

...And just what the hell was he doing here?

"Stop acting like you're as blind as a bat and go sit down." He pointed to the only lit table in the room, illuminated by some cliché candlesticks. And who should be waiting for him than—

...Actually, he didn't know. Who was that? Some girl he didn't know. She had Lucas' trademark cowlick, but was wearing a fluffy, mango-colored dress that made her almost look of royalty. She had on mascara and lipstick and eyeliner and all that other craps girls wore, bringing out her features nicely. The fashion reminded him of a younger Peach, but not annoying and sexist.

Therefore, it couldn't have been Lucas.

...Right?

Ike decided Ness needed a hand in getting to his seat, so he politely escorted him over. And by that, it meant he punted Ness over. Was all this asskicking foreshadowing for something?

He decided he'd get Ike back later as he scrambled in trying to avoid bumping into the table, toppling over his seat instead. Getting himself and his chair together, he cleared his throat and sat down as if nothing happened. Lucas looked on blankly.

"Sorry I'm late. Things got a little outta hand."

"It's fine."

"You didn't wait long, did you?"

"No."

"Sorry it was on such short notice. I swear I wanted to surprise you, but Pikachu found out and blabbed it out first and things went downhill from there..." He groaned. "Y'know what I mean?"

"Yeah. It's okay."

Ness was beginning to get the sinking feeling she wasn't very happy. ...Was it his fault? 'Cuz he was late? Maybe Lucas was taking this more seriously than he thought. Damn.

Things became even more awkward as he began to realize the things were even more cliché than he thought. The dimmed light, lit candlesticks before them, perfectly placed napkins, spoons, plates, and forks... The list went on and, frankly, it was making Ness sick. This wasn't romantic, it was freaking cheesy.

He sighed in disgust while Lucas seemed to share it. She averted her gaze to the floor.

Seriously, what was wrong with her? Was she trying to make him feel bad for being so late? Did the girls tell her to do that... or was it becoming a habit? Aw, crap! What if it was? Dammit! He had to do something!

He cleared his throat. "Uh... Wow, look at all of this, Lucas. They really... went all out... uh, didn't they?"

"...Yeah." She shrugged, eyes on her empty plate.

Ness regarded her for a moment. He knew the blonde well enough to know this wasn't an act, nor was she trying to get back at him. From where he stood, she looked kinda like... she was being forced into this. ...That's not what she thought this was, right?

His musings were shattered as Marth suddenly spouted, "Well, look what we have here, Ike! A pair of lovebirds! Aw, aren't they cute?"

Ike didn't think so. "Feh."

"You two look awfully hungry," he cooed, slapping some menus before them. "Why don't you look and see what catches your fancy on our carte du jour and we'll bring it to you? Hmm?"

'Carte du jour—'? What the hell? Speak English! Augh! He angrily snatched his menu up and furiously scanned it up and down. He was so pissed, he wasn't even reading.

Man, could this _get_ any lamer? Ness had a feeling everyone involved in this was secretly trying to make fun of him, but dumbing it down so Lucas wouldn't catch on. And people said _he_ was dense...

After a few moments, Lucas put her menu down. "...I'd like some lasagna with maple syrup, ribs topped with sliced strawberries, and spaghetti and meatballs, please. But put cranberry sauce on it instead of pasta sauce if you can. Thank you."

"Oh... How nice..." Marth groaned, forcing a disgusted grin.

Ness scoffed. "Menu" his ass. It was just a crudely-made list of a buncha generic food. He knew for a fact they had nearly ten times as much in stock.

"Ahem!" Ike angrily reminded Ness he was, apparently, on the clock for ordering.

Sighing, Ness just decided to screw it and gave his demands. "I want two cheeseburgers, a hot dog with lotsa chili and ketchup, some fries, more ketchup on those, steak with extra barbeque sauce on the side, pepperoni pizza, and a soda."

"..." Ike made a face.

"..." Marth pouted.

"..." Lucas didn't seem to care.

Neither did Ness, tossing the menus at Ike. "And make it snappy."

Ike sneered. "...Coming up."

Marth hurriedly shoved him off. "You two just wait there while we get your orders. Want anything to drink, too, Lucas?"

"Some punch would be okay. Sodas make me a little upset now..."

"Sure! We'll get right on that!" he chirped, shooting Ness a quick glare before pushing Ike into the kitchen.

He didn't give two flips; he wasn't trying to impress anyone but Lucas, which was already an enigma in itself. If he could get through this with her still smiling, he'd be satisfied.

Now that they were alone, that probably meant they should talk, but... the hell could he say? Meanwhile, Lucas drew her lips together and frowned at the table, obviously upset about something.

Ness wasn't better off, staring into space as he racked his brain for something to say. Mentally speaking, he was frantically digging in a trash bin, trying to find memories of crappy soap operas and reality TV shows to use as an example. Unfortunately, the only ones he happened across either ended with someone flipping over a table or getting into a catfight. Brilliant.

Opening his mouth, he was about to say something that probably woulda ruined the whole date when Link appeared with Lucas' food. Why Marth didn't come back, he didn't know, but where was his grub?

"Here's your meal, m'lady. Please enjoy," voiced Link in a suave, heavily sugar-coated pretty boy tone. Ness hated him for that; the accompanying grin reminded him of Red...

"...Wow, that was fast. Thank you, Link," she quietly spoke.

Ness looked around for Ike with his order, but the bastard was nowhere in sight. Too busy showering Lucas with his charm, Link didn't seem to notice his serving partner had suddenly gone missing. Now, where the hell could he be? He was hungry, and—He went pale.

Oh, no...

No, no! It couldn't be! Were they kidding him?

Behind Link, Ness saw his food come into view, but not by Ike. No, 'cuz who else would appear outta the kitchen with his meal, none other than Red? He gave him a warning glare, whereas Red just grinned devilishly.

"Here." He flung a slab of meatloaf before him with a loud "CLANG" of disdain as it hit his plate. "Eat up."

"This isn't what I ordered," he hissed.

"Well, it's what you're getting."

"I don't _want_ this."

"Your order was immature and gluttonous. Therefore, you're only getting this."

"I don't care." He pushed it away with a huff. "Bring me what I want. Now."

"Y'know, you should be thanking me. Mind you, this is a date, not lunch hour."

Ness was about to strangle him when Lucas cleared her throat. "Uh, Ness?"

He and Red perked up. "...?"

"...Everything okay over there?"

"What? Oh no, everything's fine, y'know, if Red would get back in the kitchen and bring me the _right_ food..."

"Oh... Why's Red here? What happened to Ike?"

"Ike had a fight to get to," he coolly explained. "Sort of a last-minute thing. Y'know how it is..."

That was a flat-out lie. Ike wasn't one to skip fights, especially for something this stupid.

"Whatever." Ness pushed away the meatloaf. "Bring me my food."

"Sure thing, _pal_. Sorry for the confusion." Red added extra emphasis on the "pal" part, turning on his heel to slap the snot outta Ness on his way out. Immediately, his temper flared and he grabbed his crappy-ass meatloaf, ready to fling it when Link stopped him.

"Sheesh Ness, can you be any less romantic?" he scoffed, taking it away. "We've a lady in our mists. Stop acting like a brat."

"Weren't you supposed to doing something? Other than annoy me?"

"Why, you—! Ooooh!" Furious at that, Link snatched the food and stormed off.

Lucas had long dug into her food, using that as an excuse to not get involved. "..."

Ness couldn't stand it anymore. "...C'mon, Lucas. What's the deal here? Why've you been so quiet?"

"..." She didn't look at him, choosing to continue eating.

"Is it me? Something I did?"

"..."

"Is it this? The date?"

"..."

"Lucas..."

She sighed. "...No, that's not it."

"Then what?"

"...It's this... This whole getup." She looked upon herself in disgust. "I hate it..."

"Why?"

"It's not me... The girls did all this and it took hours. It was... demeaning. I felt like an experiment..."

"But you look... pretty."

"No, I don't." She turned in shame. "I look like some gussied-up doll or something."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. Stop lying. For all I know, they made you say this. They just won't leave anything alone."

"..."

"I appreciate what you were trying to do, but they went behind the scenes and blew it all out of proportion. I thought it would be just me and you, and honestly..." She blushed. "I'm really embarrassed."

"..."

"I just wish the girls would take a hint and... leave me alone. Leave you alone. ...Leave us alone."

"It it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way."

She smiled halfheartedly. "I know. It's like everyone's trying to defend me from you and won't listen to either of us."

"I feel more like everyone just wants to make themselves look good by making me look bad. I've committed the ultimate fault, apparently."

"And everyone thinks I'm not smart enough to know better. Like I was suckered into it. ...But I wasn't. You know that, right?"

He tried not to laugh. "Yes, I know. Don't worry; our reputations can't get any worse now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He scoffed. "It means what it means."

"Huh. You don't seem as bummed out about this as I thought. Something happen?"

"Not really. I just don't care anymore. Almost everyone here's an asshole, so screw it. Either you're with or against me, and unfortunately, everyone here seems to be against me. Oh, well."

"Now, what kind of attitude is that?" She pouted. "Maybe if you tried thinking more positive, things'd get a little easier for you."

This didn't seem to bother him. "Whatever. Me trying to be a sweet, little thing like you would help as much as you not giving a crap about anything like me."

Lucas gushed. "...You think I'm a sweet, little thing?"

"..." He didn't mean for it to come out like that. "Well, y'know what I mean. So I think you're sweet. Big deal. Sheesh..."

Now she appeared sheepish. "You know, Ness, I feel like I need to apologize. I didn't mean to seem like such a sadsack. Guess I was more annoyed than depressed."

"Feel like people're listening less to you instead of more?"

"Exactly. You don't know how good it feels to hear someone else say that."

"Yes, I do."

"How?"

"You just did."

"No, I didn't."

"Well, not directly, but I know what you meant."

"But I didn't say it."

He made a face. Why was she so lovably stupid?

Changing the subject, Lucas picked at her food. "So... Now what?"

"I guess since everyone went to the trouble of screwing this up for us, we might as well make the best of it."

"How?"

"I dunno, talk or something."

"About what?"

"Stuff."

"Like what?"

"Why do I hafta come up with everything?" He smirked. "Lucas, I'm not exactly Einstein, y'know."

"Well... Who needs smarts when you've got good looks?"

...

...That had to be the smartest thing ever uttered in the history of forever. That was gonna be his motto from now on. Seriously.

During Ness' stupor, Lucas suggested, "How about some fights? Tell me what's been going on there. I... haven't been in one in some time. And watching them just makes me a little... jealous."

"Uh, well... They haven't changed too much. Same old, same old. Why?"

"Oh." She lowered her head. "It's just that I really miss being in the fray and all. I feel like I'm getting stale in my PSI... Never realized how empty this place feels when you're not fighting. It's like I'm... useless now."

"Aw, c'mon. That's not true." He softened. "If anything, you're more important."

"...Really?"

"Yeah, you're having a kid, for crying out loud. Everyone's gotta cater to your every command and can't do squat to you. You practically got the house in your hands."

She looked shocked. "Huh. ...Never thought of that. I usually just do chores and odd jobs to pass the ti—"

"Chores?" He scowled. "And who's making you do this?"

"Well, kind of everybody." She shrugged. "I mean, I'm not doing anything, and they ask if I could do a few things for them, so why not? Common courtesy."

"Why not? Well, I'll tell you why not. Those slobs got their own crap to do, and they're making _you_ do them? Why the hell do they think you're not fighting?"

"Well, they're not that hard—"

"I don't care if they asked you to hand them the remote! Those assholes need to do their own chores, no matter what it is! Next time someone asks, you go tell them to screw themselves, you got me?"

"..."

"..."

"...k."

"...Good."

"..." Lucas seemed to recoil from that, obviously intimidated. Didn't mean to scare her.

Looking at her fiddling hands, he thought of something else. "...Y'think MH ever called home about this?"

She perked up. "Huh?"

He laughed awkwardly. "Man, I hope not. My mom'd kick my ass... Then she'd whine and moan and go on about how she thought she raised me better and how she's too young to be a grandma. Heh, moms. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."

"..."

"And my dad..." He thought for a second. "Well, he'd probably be all, 'That's my boy!', but my mom'd think the tourney was a bad influence and ground me forever, but Dad would let me come back if there was another tournament, so don't worry. He's cool like that." He couldn't stop laughing at the realism of the situation. "Y'know, a lotta people say me and Dad act more like brothers than anything."

"..."

"Y'know what I mean? When you kinda have more in common with one parent than with the other? ...Or something? Were you like that with your d-" Dammit, dammit! Wrong one! "Mom?"

"..." Lucas looked conflicted.

He smirked playfully. "Aw, c'mon, Luke. It's okay if you were a bit of a mama's..." Dammit, dammit! "...girl?"

"..." She bit her lip, giving him a pitiful look. Something told him he'd stepped on a nerve...

"Well, see... My mom kind of... passed away some time ago," she quietly spoke.

...

...

...

_...Well, f-_

He cleared his throat, looking away. "I'm sorry..."

"No, it's okay... I mean, you were kind of... supposed to... read up on me in my portfolio... So I thought you knew..."

Well yeah, that _was_ the rule: everyone had to learn about everyone, especially if they were a roomie. Then again, Lucas' portfolio couldn't have had that much to say if it thought she was as much as a boy as she did.

"Well... What about your... dad?"

That made the blonde wince. "...He... He wouldn't be too happy. About any of this. At all. I'm not looking forward to telling him about it..."

"I'm sure he'll come around to it. How long can he possibly stay mad?"

"..." From the hopelessness on Lucas' face, he suspected quite a while.

His face fell. "...Uh, well, maybe you have someone else you can tell first. And you guys can work it out before you spill the news. Got a relative or something?"

Lucas looked torn for a moment, like she wasn't sure if she should lie or not. Finally, she whispered, "...A big brother."

"Oh, great. So there you go."

"...But he's passed on, too..."

_What the hell, man?_

"He was my twin brother, but he was born first so... I guess I'm his little sister." She made a face. "...Wow, that sounds weird."

"...If he was a twin, doesn't that mean—?"

Lucas saw it coming. "No. He was a boy. That, I know."

Ness looked at her curiously. "You sure he wasn't a tomboy, or something...?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He's dropped more than enough hints."

"Please don't go into detail."

She smiled coyly. "You actually kind of remind me of him sometimes."

"How?"

"I don't know; you two just act really similar. It's hard to explain, but it's like you've got his air about you. I think that's one of the things that attracted me to you in the first place." She now appeared affectionate. Mood swings again? "I know it sounds crazy, but you act so much like him, I sometimes pretend you _are _him... You're both my role models, you know."

"Aw well, y'know how I like to try." Personally, this came as a big surprise to Ness, but that didn't stop him from getting a swelled head.

"Then I guess I'm going from personal perception. I never got a chance to finish reading your portfolio, so maybe I'm wrong in some aspects..."

"..."

She blushed. "There was so much going on when the tournament started that I ended up running out of time. What I did read up on you was pretty accurate, though."

Ness seemed unsettled by that. "...So, what do you know about me?"

"...I know you don't like to sleep on your back."

"..."

"I know you hate liver and onions and like ketchup on your hot dogs. You hate the sound of slurping and but think explosions are cool. You really like steak and hate bathing at night because you're afraid the lights'll go out and you'll run into some unpleasant things during it. Your favorite colors're red, black, and blue. You like baseball, but you think soccer's stupid."

Apparently, Lucas had taken the rule a bit too seriously. She was supposed to know things about him as a whole, not little tidbits like that.

...But considering what she _could've_ told him, maybe that was for the best.

"Listen, I didn't mean to make things awkward," said Lucas, noticing his uneasiness. "Really. I just had to say something..."

"Nah, it's okay. I had to find out sometime." He shrugged. "Still sorry for your loss, though."

"It's fine... It's a touchy subject, but I trust you. Up until now, I've had no one else here to tell. Feels good to get it off my chest."

"So you don't mind talking to me about it?"

"I think most here are pretty apathetic; they know, but don't really care." She beamed. "But you're different. I can tell by your face. You're empathizing with me, aren't you?"

"Well, I, uh..."

She stopped him. "Let's talk about this later, okay? There's more to it than you think. Besides, your food's coming."

At that moment, Red came back from the kitchen with the right order. Immediately, he sneered at Ness' sneer, who was sneering at him 'cuz he sneered first. But that sneer soon became his trademark grin as he neared the table. He was gonna mess them up good.

"Sorry for the wait, you two," he announced. "You know how it is."

"I assure you I don't," mumbled Ness.

"No surprise here," retorted Red.

"..." Ness glared. Something was up. Red was smiling a bit too hard for his likes.

And boy, was he right. Just before Red delivered the food, he noticed a sneaky glint from his eyes, only having a split second to catch him idly toss something to the floor. Ness wasn't able to tell what it was until it made that familiar "plinking" sound.

"Hey—!" he angrily called out, starling Lucas.

But it was too late. The Poké Ball landed and out sprang, what else, but a Kyogre. Of course. It _would_ be something that huge and destructive.

"BEHOLD! QUAKE, MORTALS, BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF THE SWIRLING TORRENT OF MY RAAAAGE!" she bellowed. ...Yeah, it was a girl, apparently. He was surprised, too.

"Oooooooops!" Red, almost humorously, said.

Well, wasn't that nice and dandy. Kyogre decided everyone was in desperate need of a pool party and flooded the place. Like a sprinkler on steroids, she went completely haywire with the H20, making the cafeteria mirror a sinking ship.

It was then Marth waltzed back in from the kitchen. "Sorry I'm so late with the drinks! Ike and I got into a little argument over what you wanted and—" He gasped as he noticed the rapidly-flooding room. "Oh, I see you two were thirstier than I thought!"

"Ohmigosh!" squealed Lucas, jumping up and dancing around in the rising ice-cold water. "These were Peach's best pumps! She's so going to kill me!"

Ness wanted to facepalm at that, but he was too busy trying to climb onto the now-floating table. If Lucas would stop worrying about things that weren't even hers, maybe she'd notice he was trying to pull her ass on, as well. Unfortunately, a sudden surge of water caused the table to flip over, submerging him.

"What a drip!" laughed Red, in the middle of the chaos. "'Water' way to end the date, huh? Hahahaha!"

Ness had had it with Red's sabotaging ways, emerging and promptly wading over to sock him in the nose. Unfortunately, Red saw it coming, dodged, and turned to grab him in a chokehold.

"Ha! Well, never woulda thought you'd be so choked up to see me, huh?" he laughed, strangling him.

That earned him an elbow in the mouth, Red letting him drop into the water.

Amidst the madness, Ike came out of the kitchen. "The hell's going on in here—" He scowled as he noticed the waist-deep water. "Nice going, Marth. I told you to give them water in the first place, but not like this."

"Don't look at me like this is my fault!"

Exasperated, Link barged in from the kitchen. "Guys, Ness wanted soda and Lucas wanted some punch or something, okay? I wasn't even in here and I remember them saying that, so can we—"

A wave of water swept away all three, as well as a scrapping Ness and Red. As Kyogre continued her assault, it wasn't long before the entire room was underwater.

_

* * *

_

"I wonder how the date's going," mused Toon Link, everyone still huddled around the cafeteria door.

"Yeah, we haven't heard anything in a good while," said Zelda.

("You don't think anything's happened, do you?") asked Yoshi.

Arms crossed, Samus looked to the door. "...Think we should check?"

"..." Although wordless, it seemed to be a unanimous "yes".

Biting her lip, Peach reached over to open the door when, much to everyone's surprise, water began flowing out from underneath. Gasping, the princess jumped back, only to have more water flow from the door's other crevices. The flow gradually increased in pressure until it was literally squirting in all directions.

Zelda's face paled. "...This doesn't look good."

No sooner had she said that, the door exploded as a tsunami crashed into hallway, sweeping away everything in its path; Smashers, furniture, decorations, all was caught in the swirling torrent of disorder. In the middle of it, Lucas, Marth, Link, and Ike rode a table out like a rickety raft on rapids. During the confusion, Toon Link and Kirby were thrown on with them, smacking Link and Ike in the faces, respectively. Kyogre followed them up from behind, savoring the moment.

"Wheeeeeeeeeee!" cheered Kirby, on Ike's head. "It's like a waterslide!"

"Ahhh!" screamed Lucas, hanging onto Marth's face. "We're all going to die!"

"Lucas, stop!" he wailed, trying to pry her off. "I can't see!"

"But I can't swim in this! What if we crash into something?"

"Don't worry!" nervously assured Toon Link, discombobulated in Link's lap. "I've been in waterspouts worse than this! It's all about control! You see—"

"TL, shut up!" barked Ike. "We're on a table, in a house, with a giant sea monster thing behind us, so don't even try to apply any nautical sense to this!"

"I was just trying to help!"

"Well, I don't think babbling on and not making any sense is really helping!"

"Oh, yeah? Like you have any ideas?"

("I don't know why everyone's making such a big deal!") added Kyogre, swimming up beside them. ("80% of you guys're water, so what's a little drizzle, huh?")

"It's not the water we mind, it's the part where we all drown we're worried about!" spat Link.

"Speak for yourself!" prattled on Marth, still blind. "My hair's getting ruined!"

Suddenly, the princesses, Samus, and Yoshi surfaced, all thrashing about in the waves.

("Agh! Where'd all this water come from?") coughed Yoshi. ("Did someone leave the shower on, or what?")

"Who cares about that? Get us out of heeeeeeere!" screeched Zelda. "I'm cold and wet and a princess! I demand safety!"

Samus seemed unfazed. "You're all lightweights. This is nothing compared to my profession."

"Look, those guys're using a table!" observed Peach. She and Zelda paddled over to latch on. "Let us on if you know what's good for you!"

Toon Link panicked. "No, stop! There's too many of us on board already! You'll capsize us!"

"Then one of you get off!" growled Zelda. "Whatever happened to women and children first?"

"W-well, I'm trying to keep the little guy here safe, so I can't!" quickly explained Link, squeezing Toon Link.

"And we need to use our swords to, um, paddle! That's it, paddle!" lied Marth, Ike improvising by stupidly using his sword to steer and failing miserably. "I'd join Ike there, but I'm busy trying to keep, uh... Lucas calm! Yes, that's right!"

Peach slammed a fist down. "No, you're not! You jerks! Some gentlemen you are!"

Meanwhile, Samus and Yoshi had found solace on Kyogre's head. The bounty hunter sighed. "...Do those two even realize there's a makeshift lifesaver _right here_?"

("They'd better soon, 'cuz there could be some turbulence...") remarked Yoshi, pointing at an oncoming wall.

("Yeah!") bellowed Kyogre. ("You'd all better hold on tight, if you know what's good for you!")

Zelda turned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"She means that!" warned Peach, pointing ahead at the wall.

"Somebody steer us away!" shouted Link.

"We can't! The hallway's too narrow!" answered Ike, fruitlessly still trying to paddle with his sword.

"WE'RE GOING TO HIT IT!" squealed Zelda.

Lucas buried her face in Marth's cape. "I can't look!"

Kirby threw his arms up. "I can! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!"

Marth flailed about. "I don't even know what's going on!"

Unfortunately, Lucas didn't have as strong of a grip on Marth as she thought, losing her balance and falling off. She managed to grab Peach's leg, but considering how fast the table was speeding through the water, her grip wouldn't last.

"Peach, I'm falling! Help me!" she plead.

"Don't worry! I've got you, sweetie!" Peach tried to grab the flailing blonde, but the water proved too strong as she was forced to let go. "Ah! Lucas!"

"Oh no, Lucas fell off!" cried Toon Link. "Someone get her before she drowns!"

"Quick, Kyogre! You've got to go back and save her!" called Zelda to the Pokémon.

Apparently, Kyogre was hard of hearing. ("Do what now?")

Everyone collectively screamed as the table sharply veered right just before impact with the wall, thanks to the hallway's narrowness, continuing down the narrow, winding corridor.

_

* * *

_

In the foyer, Mario and Falco were busy lounging about, on a chair and sofa respectively, waiting for their next fight to start. It was then Bowser walked in, chugging down a milkshake. Frowning, he stopped and scowled.

"What's wrong?" asked Mario.

He looked about. "...Either of you guys feel... rumbling?"

"Maybe it's your stomach," flatly commented Falco, reading a book. "Y'know those milkshakes'll go right through you."

A look of horror crossed Mario's face. "So how come we hear it...?"

The trio was forced to perk up as the rumbling became progressively louder, all turning in time to scream as Kyogre's flood surged from the hallway and came to an explosively wet crash in the room. Smashers were flung into Smashers, furniture into furniture, and other Smashers into even more furniture as everything collided with each other. As the water went from nearly touching the ceiling to barely being waist-deep, everyone surfaced, coughing, groaning, and complaining over the destruction left behind.

"What the hell's this?" spat Falco, heaving water.

"Ooh, hey." Bowser grinned, the princess in his clutches. "I don't care what it is. I like it.

"**_Lemme go!"_** she growled, slapping him and stomping off.

He rubbed his cheek. "Sheesh, okay. Y'know, you never do this when I kidnap you. Inconsistent much?"

"Awww," pouted Kirby, still on the table. "The ride's over already? Stupid room. It ruined the flow... We should do it again sometime!"

"I can honestly say if I wasn't such a good seafarer, that would've traumatized me," sighed Toon Link, wringing his hat out.

"Oh, be quiet. You think _you_ had it bad? Try actually being _in_ the water..." groaned Zelda, immobilized in disgust of her drenched state.

Now beached, Kyogre looked around. ("Um, hey. Listen, I don't do too well on land, so could one of you help a Sea Basin out here?")

"Kyogre!" Peach angrily thrust a finger at her. "Tell me! What possessed you do such a thing?"

("Uh...")

"Just look at this mess! The place is soaked, it'll probably mildew, and my hair's ruined! RUINED!"

("It's not that big of a deal...")

"How can you say that? You don't have any hair!" whined Marth. "I look like some sort of heathen!"

"Peach," reasoned Samus, her and Yoshi still on Kyogre's head, "calm down, okay? I'm sure you've been through worse."

"Ooooooooh!" Peach angrily stomped off. "That's it! That's the final straw! When I see that Ness again, I'll... I'll—!"

"Speaking of which," Link looked around, "where is he?"

Ike sheathed his sword. "Whatever. He's a stubborn little bastard. I'm sure he's fine."

"And what about Lucas?" Marth panicked. "She fell off during the ride, remember?"

"Why didn't any of you guys save her?" asked Zelda. "I thought you were supposed to be her knights in shining armor."

Link threw his arms up. "Oh great, here we go with that again."

As an argument began to brew, Mario decided he'd had enough and left. "Well, Falco, I'll see you on the battlefield. Shadow Moses Island, right?"

"Yeah, uh, right behind you." He swiftly followed.

"Y'know what? I think I'm just gonna go to bed. See you crazies tomorrow," muttered Bowser, walking off.

("Seriously, guys. I'm, like, stranded here,") reminded Kyogre. ("Anyone? Hellooooo?")

_

* * *

_

Soaked and tired, Ness slowly trudged back to his room. In the midst of Kyogre's flood, he lost track of Red and somehow ended up on the other side of the house. He decided it was best if he just scram and hightail it back to his place. He knew by tomorrow, the whole house would be demanding answers as to why a giant whale thing flooded the cafeteria and probably half the first floor. If asked about it, he'd just deny it up and down.

Disgusted, hair concealing his face, he blindly opened his room's door and slumped in. No sooner had he closed and locked it, someone draped a warm, dry towel over his head.

"Here. Dry off before you catch cold."

He perked up. "...Lucas? How'd you—?"

"Shh." She put a finger to his lips. "Let's do each other a favor and pretend this never happened, okay?"

"It was that bad, huh? Yeah, I know it sucked. This wasn't supposed to happen. At all."

"Ness, you really need to stop downing yourself. Just because it didn't go the way you wanted doesn't mean it was a disaster."

"So you wanted our and first and maybe only date to end in complete disaster, complete with the hallway and foyer being flooded?"

"Well... no. But that's not the point. Just the fact that you tried to keep it all together shows me you really care."

"...Really?"

"Of course. It could've gone even worse than this, and I wouldn't be any less satisfied."

"...You're serious. Not joshing, right?"

"No." She parted his disheveled hair to see his eyes. She'd already dried herself off and was wearing a silky pink robe he didn't remember them having. Musta been a hand-me-down form one of the girls.

...Wait. Was she trying to come on to him?

Smiling, Lucas hugged him. "I must admit, for a first date, it really wasn't all that bad. Crazy, I know. Maybe we should try a have another one someday... Maybe a drier, less formal one."

"...I think I'm free later this week," he dopily proposed.

"That's nice. ...But seriously, dry yourself off. You're a mess." She let go to show contact with him had dampened her robe, and considering it was silk, well...

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...!" Startled, Lucas hugged her chest and turned to leave. "Ness, you!"

What? Not his fault she hugged him.

"Just make sure you get dried off. Really." She went to sit on her bed.

"Fine." He promptly yanked his clothes off, letting them collect in a wet pile on the floor.

Hearing this, Lucas whipped around. "I said get dried off, not strip!"

"Same difference." He took a step towards her.

"Ness, if you're thinking what I know you're thinking, the answer's no."

"Aw, c'mooon. I wanna make up for tonight."

"No, Ness, please. I'm not in the mood."

"Third base, that's it."

"No!"

"Second?"

"Ness, put some clothes on."

"Fine, we'll go all the way."

"That's backwards!"

He tugged on her robe. "C'mooooooooooooooon."

"Ness, go to bed. Not now." She pushed him off.

"No, c'mon. Pleeeeeeeease? Today's sucked for both of us."

"But I'm tired. Can't it wait?"

"No."

"Why?"

"'Cuz."

"Well, too bad. I'm going to bed." Annoyed, she buried herself in the covers.

"Lucaaaaas."

"No."

"Lucaaaaaaaas."

"No."

"Pleeeeease?"

"No!"

"I'll just keep bugging you, y'know." He poked what he assumed was her butt. "I'm very persuasive."

Lucas came to the sudden realization he very well could, and the only way to stop him would be to knock him out, which she honestly didn't feel like doing. She groaned.

"Lucas, c'mon. You know you want it. C'mon. C'mooooon..." continued Ness, grinning like an idiot.

"..." Finally, Lucas sat up, scowling at his dopey grin.

"Weeeeell?"

"...Dry yourself off first."

_

* * *

_

Finally finished with a long fight-filled day, Wolf was on his way back to the Star Fox Room when he was stopped by a quick rhythm of rapid creaking, which seemed to be getting progressively louder. He turned his mouth up.

"Wow, we really need an exterminator around here," he mused, leaving. "Those bedbugs must be huge..."

_

* * *

_

Okay.

So the date went over like a lead balloon.

It was devastating, embarrassing, and awkward.

It was a sham; a cruel joke that didn't deserve to be played on anyone.

He hated everyone and everything that had a hand in making it.

But somehow, despite it all, he'd made Lucas happy. He didn't know how or what he did, but he'd made her happy. That's all he wanted in the first place. Maybe he was just that good.

Lucas was asleep, he was getting there. They were tired, for obvious reasons.

He was just kinda laying on his side, thinking about how disastrous things had been. Then again, they coulda been worse. They really could have. Yes, it was hard for things to get much worse than having a freaking flood ruin your date, but honestly, it wasn't really going anywhere.

He narrowed his eyes. But that Red. Damn that Red. He had to start working out or something; he was tired of getting into stalemates with him. Yeah, learn a buncha wrestling moves and piledrive his ass.

He mused more on the many, many ways he could dismember Red when he was alerted by a loud, annoying tapping noise outside. He scowled as he stayed motionless where he lay, hoping it was a tree branch or something and would stop momentarily.

Sadly, the tapping persisted and Ness sat up, growling to himself. He was facing the door, but whatever the noise was came from behind him.

Fortunately, Lucas wasn't clinging to him like she was in rigor mortis, allowing him to slip out from under a loose arm and reluctantly slink outta bed. It took him a second to come to his senses, practically falling asleep sitting on the side of the bed until the ever-present tapping snapped him awake one last time. His frustration refueled, he glared ahead as his fuzzy vision cleared. Someone was riding what looked like a dragon, hovering at the window. Oh, so that's all it was.

...

...Wait, what? Oh no...

As much as Ness hoped against it, the figure and dragon was none other than Red and Charizard, the trainer demanding he come over there.

Not wanting to wake Lucas over something this stupid, Ness carefully rose and went over to open the window, but only enough to hear what the bastard wanted. The fact he was pretty bruised from earlier woulda made him laugh a little if he weren't already so annoyed.

_"What?" _he angrily whispered.

"You know damn well what!" barked Red. "You sick dog! Haven't you violated her enough?"

_"Look who's talking."_

"Come out here." He pointed at the ground below. "Now. We got a score to settle."

_"No Red, forget you. This is getting stupid now. I've had it with you trying to screw up my chances with Lucas, all right? She's onto your game now and so am I, so give it up already."_

Red narrowed his eyes. "Fine. I had a feeling it'd come to this anyway. You have forced me to used force."

_"Oh no, empty threats. My greatest weakness,"_ scoffed the psychic.

"We'll see what's so empty about them when I bring _this_ into play!" He pulled out a familiar red cap. "Huh? Huh?"

_"..."_

"Well? See what I have here?"

_"Yep."_

"Come out now, or Charizard'll burn it to a crisp!"

Letting out an exasperated groan, Ness heavily massaged his face before leaving, presumably to come outside. Red snickered to himself, fiddling about with the hat to wait for Ness to come out and face his doom. Why he was coming out in his jammies, he didn't know, but whatever. After the beating he was gonna give him, it wouldn't matter either way.

He was suddenly jerked from his thoughts as a loud "SLAM" was heard throughout the house, both inside and outside. Afterwards, an awkward hush fell over everything, complete with crickets chirping and some scattered complaints in the house. Amidst this, Red looked around with an annoyed expression until Ness decided to come back. Immediately, he glared daggers at him.

"What'd you do?" he demanded.

_"You left the front door open, so I closed it. You know how much heat you were letting out?"_

"What? I still have your hat, jackass! What, you want Charizard to burn it to a crisp?"

_"That's not my hat."_

"...What?"

_"That's not my hat,"_ he repeated. _"It's Mario's."_

"Liar! You're just bluffing!" Determined to prove him wrong, he shoved it in Charizard's face. "Charizard! Tell that idiot this is his hat! I know it is! We swiped it from him at dinner! It was on the table after he took it off!"

The dragon grumbled. ("No, that's Mario's. I tried saying something earlier, but you were too busy sabotaging the date to listen...")

**_"WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE ME LISTEN? NOW WE'RE STUCK OUT HERE!"_**

"SHUT UP!" barked Ness.

That sudden outburst roused Lucas as she mumbled, lazily rubbed a hand across the suddenly-cold bed. Not feeling Ness, she sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"...Ness?"

"...!" Both boys and dragon stilled their breath as she stirred.

"...What're you doing over there? It's almost three in the morning," she mewled, stretching. "Come back, I'm lonely..."

Turning back from her, Ness, in a random spurt of immaturity, stuck his tongue out at Red and closed the window, locking it. He didn't have time to see his resulting anger, but he was sure it was priceless.

Lucas made a face as he returned to bed. "...What were you doing at the window?"

He decided to play it cool. "Making faces, what'd it look like?"

"At yourself?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"...Why not?"

"..." Lucas looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. Finally, she smiled. "Aw, you're so silly. You need more rest. It's been a long day."

"You can say that again." He snuggled up in her chest. "Why, I could sleep forever like this."

She blushed, coddling him. "Me, too."

...He may've been imagining it, but Ness coulda swore he heard muffled expletives coming from outside. If Lucas asked, he'd just say it was the wind.

_

* * *

_

All right. That was it. He'd had it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He'd said this several times before, but now he was serious. Dead serious.

So. Ness wants to lock him out? Fine. He didn't need to get back in the house; he was a Pokémon Trainer, he'd **_slept_** outside in places colder than this. He could easily rough it out here in the wilderness.

...Well, he could, but he didn't want to. A Rock Smash through a downstairs window by Charizard proved a decent invitation back in.

Red stepped over the mess of the both the broken window, rolling up his sleeves. "Oh, is that Ness gonna it. You don't know, guys. You just don't know. He's gonna get it, and he's gonna get it good."

Squritle tried to hold him back. ("Red, c'mon now! Violence isn't gonna solve anything! Haven't you learned from before?")

Red looked at him, confused. "...Who said anything about violence?"

He let go, astonished. ("Whuh?")

"No, this sorta thing calls for desperate measures. I'm not gonna take it to Ness this time, but do the one thing I shoulda been doing from the start."

("Give up?") asked Ivysaur.

"No!" A devilish grin made its way to his lips. "Blackmail 'em."

Charizard decided to stop him right there. ("Red... Don't tell me you're gonna stoop to Pikachu's level. We're all on the same team, but... really.")

"You guys know Pikachu and I share a special bond. We both aren't afraid to get our hands a little dirty if the situation calls for it..."

("And how do you plan on doing that?") questioned the walking plant.

"Well, I didn't wanna do this, but it's the last shot we got..." He looked upon his team smugly. "Guys, we're going to the Data Room."

_

* * *

_

Ah, yes, the Data Room. Having the most unoriginal name ever, it, as expected, held all the data for every single person, place, thing, or happening that related to the tournament. It was almost creepy how much was kept on file there, not to mention how frequently it was updated. This, and the fact it was in the Hand's quarters, meant it was extremely off-limits. ...Yet, the door was always unlocked. Uh, what?

The only way to get to it was through Master/Crazy Hand's office and walking through what looked like a broom closet. That idea had to've been Crazy's, but whatever. The office door itself was locked, but that didn't stop Charizard from banging himself upon it about 80 times 'til it opened. It was afterhours, so the hands were probably idling about in Final Destination or something. Red didn't know or care.

Walking into the Data Room and realizing it was probably half as big as the house while it seemingly took up a closet's worth of space was nothing short of mind-blowing. Then again, considering all of this was even possible, it was pretty meh.

Files upon files and aisles upon aisles filled the place, complete with some computers and scattered databases, making it look like some sorta crossbreed between a library and a secret agent lab. Hell, there was even a huge-ass computer screen right in the middle of the room! Y'know, to look at everyone's personal things in hi-def. That was the best way, after all.

Red stood, hands on hips, regarding the library-esque setting before him. He grinned evilly. The house was at his fingertips, but only Ness would get the poking. ...Yeah, that was a threat.

"Well," he proclaimed, "we're not gonna get anywhere just standing around here. Let's go make a mess!"

Charizard sighed as everyone followed his lead. ("Red, you know we're not supposed to be in here, right? We could get in big trouble if we're caught. We could even get thrown outta the house!")

("If not yourself, think of us! Think of your Pokémon!") added Squirtle.

Their pleas went unheard as Red went up and down the file placements. "There's gotta be something we can use against Ness. Something! The kid's not perfect; no one is! Just gotta look hard enough... "

Charizard stopped following. ("Y'know what? I'm not doing this anymore. As your Pokémon, I'm obligated to obey and respect you, but this is just too much.")

Red continued on down an aisle, Ivysaur departing elsewhere. "Sorry, what? I'm too busy not being a pussy to hear you!"

Squirtle stopped, too. ("Same goes for me. If you get kicked out, we want nothing to do with it.")

He continued fingering labels. "Now, let's see... Stages, no. Items, Trophies, uh-uh. Tourney Info, Fight Rankings... Tiers? Ew! Modes, Attacks, Home-Run Records... No, dammit! You'd think the fighters would be the first thing listed! Where are they?"

("Maybe because you were looking in the wrong place,") came Ivysaur's flat voice, a few sections away.

Hearing this, Red immediately charged over to the sound of her voice, seeing her vine to flatly point at the big-ass computer he probably shoulda been using in the first place.

"Ooh thanks, Ivysaur! That's just what I was looking for! At least I've got _some_ help here."

("Whatever. Just hurry up.")

("Now, Red...") said Charizard, him and Squirtle returning. ("...You sure you wanna do this? Might see something you wish you hadn't...")

"Exactly." He chuckled as he began typing like a madman all the bad words and random other crap he could think of. "There, that should do it. Enter."

_DATA NOT FOUND.

"Oh, come on!" He madly typed again. "Dumb thing, find something! ...Grr, there. Done."

_DATA NOT FOUND.

"What?"

("Maybe if you stopped typing the letter 'F' a million times, you'd find something,") plainly suggested Ivysaur.

("Maybe if you stopped typing expletives, you'd find something,") said Squirtle, shocked at how many bad words he knew.

("Maybe if you learned how to spell said expletives, you'd find something,") added Charizard.

"None of you guys even have opposable thumbs, so don't you try to tell me how to type!" he growled, skittering about the keyboard some more. "If this doesn't work, I don't even."

_DATA NOT FOUND. OFFER SUGGESTIONS? (Y/N)

("Ha, even the computer called you out,") snorted the turtle.

"Then you do something, Mr. Know-It-All!"

("Fine.") He typed in "/Category: Smashers_Ness", getting his entire database in milliseconds.

"Wha—? How'd you do that?"

("Maybe if read the conveniently-placed instructions over here, you'd see that,") he explained, pointing to a folder of them. ("Just type—")

"That's nice." He knocked him off the table and scrolled down hungrily.

The computer told everything about Ness, and he meant everything. History, personal records, accomplishments, tabs on bodily statistics, data from previous tournaments, it had it all! For crying out loud, even a copy of his birth certificate! Now, how the hell did Master Hand get his... uh, hand on that? Was his this detailed?

"Hmm..." Red scanned through the large collection, looking for something, _anything_, he could use against him. There was so much info on the guy, there had to be some blemish on his record! A little one? He was far from ideal.

("C'mon, Red. Give it up, already,") sighed Squirtle, after about 10 minutes. ("Ness may not be perfect, but it's not like he's a bad guy or anything... Seriously, what's the worst thing he coulda done?")

His trainer ignored him, continuing to frantically scan countless pages and paragraphs for any damning evidence on the kid. Favorite movies, what he was scared of, sounds that made him upset, things he liked to do in his spare time, hearsay, enemies, friends—GAH! There was nothing in there bad about him at all! At least not enough for Lucas to care about...

Annoyed, he frantically scrolled down yet another page without success and was about to screw it all when his eyes glanced over something quite... interesting.

The last page he saw before hurling the mouse away in frustration had something on there Ness hadn't exactly been open about. He had a feeling not even Lucas knew; he sure didn't. He gazed upon it in interest.

("There, see?") snorted Charizard, arms crossed. ("Ness isn't Bowser, okay? He's had a few slip ups, I'm sure, but nothing to write home about, so would you please put that thing up before we all end up getting caught?")

"...Ohoho, I beg to differ," chuckled Red, clicking on the subject to read more. "Seems Ness has quite the dirty, little secret after all..."

("Oh, please,") scoffed Ivysaur, her and her peers looking. ("What'd he do? Steal some bubblegum from the local...") Her face dropped. ("Store?")

...

...

...

Things were deathly silent for a few minutes as everyone scanned their eyes over the one tiny, little fault on Ness' record. Of all his imperfections and flaws, this would be the only one Lucas wouldn't be able to overlook.

...

...

...

("Red, you... you wouldn't...") mouthed Squirtle.

Getting the actual data's whereabouts, he shut off the computer and dashed off to retrieve the concrete evidence. A dopily-generic "Mwahahaha!" was heard as he returned, he shoving the folder to Charizard.

("Whuh—?")

"Hold on to this for me, if you please. Wouldn't want Ness' little dirty secret to stay a secret, right?"

_

* * *

_

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ *collapses* No more chapters this long, I swear._


	26. Interrupting the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ I think somewhere a while ago I said this story would end at either Chapter 30 or 31, including the Epilogue. Well, you know what? I take that back, as I'm terrible at making story predictions for some reason. If I had to guess, I'd say it'd end at either Chapter 32 or 33, including the Epilogue, but I'm not sure. There, now I can't be held accountable for being wrong anymore. I am so smart. _

_

* * *

_

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 26: _**_Interrupting the Undeniable_

_

* * *

_

Popo banged on a door. "Nana!"

"..."

"Nana, listen to me!"

"..."

"Look, don't be like this! I said I'm sorry, all right?"

"..."

"C'mon, Nana! At least gimme a chance to explain myself!"

She opened the door and stepped out, looking particularly annoyed. "...Popo, you've got some nerve crawling back to me like this."

"Look, I know the odds're against me, but hear me out first."

"No, I mean... you've got some nerve trying to apologize to me in the bathroom..."

"Oh." He blinked. "W-well, it's pretty urgent, y'see."

"No kidding." She disregarded him and left.

"Nana, wait!" He scrambled after her. "Listen, I know I've said it like a million times, but I'm really, really sorry."

"Popo, you only said 'sorry' once, and that was a few seconds ago, and even then, you acted like you'd said it before."

"Well, now I've said it, like five times."

"...Twice."

"Twice, whatever! I'm not good with numbers! The point is that I'm sorry I left you for Lucas and stuff, okay?"

"Do you honestly think a simple apology's enough to get back on my good side?"

"...Yes?"

"..." She scowled and stormed off.

"Nana, please! Just gimme another chance! I promise this won't ever happen again!"

"That's what they all say."

"No, Nana, stop! I'm not good at this apology stuff! I... It was a moment of weakness! I couldn't help myself!"

She stopped and glared. "...Give me one good reason why I should take you back."

He gushed. "I'm loveable and handsome?"

"..."

Popo's face fell. "...Look, Nana. I'm sorry, all right? Things just... got outta hand..."

"That's nice." She resumed leaving. "Why not go cry to Lucas about it? I'm sure she'll listen, considering how close you two are."

"No, Nana!" He clung to a leg. "Please! I've seen the error of my ways!"

Seeing as he didn't get the hint she was done with him, Nana put her glove to her mouth and, somehow or another, whistled.

The male Ice Climber perked up, smiling. "Woah, was that a wolf whistle for me?"

Popo soon came to the painful realization it wasn't, as he was smacked off Nana's leg and into the wall. Despite being upside down, he was able to see his assaulter was none other than—

He frowned. "Dedede?"

"Sorry about that, Nana." He hoisted his mallet onto his shoulder. "Was this troublemaker bugging you?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. He just needed some sense knocked into him."

"Whuh—" Popo stood, dumbfounded. "What's this all about?"

"Well," explained Nana, "since you decided Lucas was an improvement over me, I went off and got a replacement for you. I'm all about teamwork and togetherness and since you couldn't seem to comprehend that, I've moved on."

"You can't do that! We're registered together as the Ice Climbers, so only we can do stuff together!"

"You're right and wrong about that. Right, because yes, we are registered together. Wrong, because we're only supposed to fight together. Off the battlefield, it doesn't matter what we do."

"But that's not fair!"

Indifference tinged her voice. "All's fair in love and war."

"So, what? You're going steady with him now?"

"Just consider him to be my Lucas from now on. ...Now if you'll excuse us." She motioned to the penguin, then left.

"Sorry, kid." Dedede shrugged. "Them's the breaks. If it'll help any, I think she's just on her high horse. You know how girls are."

"Not really," he daftly answered.

"Eh. She's just being a little stoic now; keep trying and I'm sure she'll come around. If she could put up with you all last tournament and halfway through this one, she can't stay mad forever."

"Exactly! And that's what's so great about Nana!" He stood. "I'll just prove how much of an asset I am to her, and she'll come crawling back to me! You'll see!"

"I admire your enthusiasm, kid, but I don't think she'll be doing any crawling anytime soon..."

"That's right! Why, when I'm through showing her how capable I am, she'll be _running_ back to me!"

The penguin narrowed his eyes. "Popo, just how dumb are you?"

"It varies. Why?"

* * *

Lucas woke up to realize, once again, Ness had gone missing. Forlorn, she assumed he'd gone off to fight, meaning she'd be alone for an undetermined amount until he finished. Oh, well...

Getting up, she decided to clean things up, then maybe go eat and idle about until something of interest happened. That's what she did every day, and was all she _could_ do. She sighed. Such was her daily schedule for the next six months or so.

No sooner had she yawned and rubbed her eyes, Ness came in. She noticed he had his hat back on, too. Maybe he just came from getting it back from Samus. Regardless, seeing him was a pleasant surprise. On the contrary, Ness looked kinda troubled; like he had something on his mind.

"Hi, Lucas," he lowly spoke.

"Good morning, Ness." She smiled, excited by his company. "Don't have any fights yet?"

"Not today."

"And you're up? This early?" She looked at the clock, astonished. "But it's not even noon!"

Ignoring that, he swayed about aimlessly. "...Lucas, I did a bit of thinking last night."

"Yeah?"

"And, well... I know the date sucked, so I wanna make it up to you."

She groaned. "Ness, so soon? I'm still a bit sore, you know. Ask me later, okay?"

"Ask you la—?" He blushed. "No! That's not what I meant..."

"Then what?"

"Well, see... I was hoping maybe we could..." He fumbled with his hands. "Y'know... do something more... personal."

"Ness, if you don't call sleeping together personal, I'm not sure I want to know what is..."

Oh, that's cute. That was really cute.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is... Maybe we should try and... y'know, pal around for a bit."

"And do what?"

"I dunno, Lucas, just do stuff together, geez!"

"Do stuff? Together? With you? That doesn't involve sex?" Overjoyed, she flashed a wide smile. You never want to do anything with me, and now you do?"

He pouted. "Well, you don't hafta say it like that... I just don't just usually feel like it—"

She lunged off the bed, smothering him. "That's okay, Ness! I just can't wait to spend the whole day with you! It'll be so much fun! Why, we haven't had any 'us' time since... since... Oh, since I don't know when! But I know it'll be great! Thank you!"

"Aw, well... y'know." He chuckled uneasily. "It's the least I can do. 'Cuz the date sucked, and you deserve better, and maybe I can take this time to... learn more about you."

Letting go, she looked at him. "...Huh?"

"Last night, you told me a buncha stuff I never knew about you, and it finally hit me that..." He backed away, looking disheartened. "I don't know as much about you as I thought."

"..."

"You don't know much about me either, huh?"

"Not really, sorry." She smiled sadly. "You know, Ness... My past isn't a very happy one. Recalling everything'll probably be painful to us both..."

"Well, we don't hafta talk about it or anything. There're other ways to do this, I'm sure."

"No, no, I do, but..." She perked up. "Why don't I let you see for yourself?"

"Huh?"

"Ness, the portfolios. We never finished reading ours, remember? We can go look in those and learn about each other together. There's more in those things than we can say in words."

He paled. "...Uh, well..."

She huffed. "Oh, come on, Ness. I know you're not the most avid reader, but I'm sure you'll find yourself speeding through it before long. Who knows? We could have more in common than we already do."

"..."

"Listen, I'll go take a quick shower and get dressed so we can go, okay?"

She was about to dart away when he gently grabbed a hand, giving her a piteous look. "Lucas, no."

"Huh?"

He bit his lip, unsure of how to dissuade her. "...I don't think that'd be such a good idea."

"But, why? I thought you wanted to know more about me."

"I do..."

"And I really want to learn more about you."

Lucas didn't notice, but Ness winced at that. "Yeah, I know..."

"So what's the problem?"

He sighed loudly, seemingly hesitant as he began his reasoning. "I just don't think... it's appropriate."

"What?"

"Reading about each other? C'mon, Luke. We're... closer than that. Why read a makeshift autobiography when you got the real thing right here? Seems kinda... cold to me."

Lucas suddenly looked horrified as she came to that realization. Relief enveloped Ness until he noticed she now looked depressed, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Omigosh, Ness, you're right. ...What was I thinking? That's so selfish of me... I'm sorry..."

_Dammit! Mood swings! _

Ness scrambled to pacify her, taking a hand and frantically rubbing it. "Uh, hey y'know what? It's okay, all right? It was just a mistake, nothing to get this upset over. No harm, no foul."

"B-b-but..." She sniffled. "It was such stupid idea. I've got you right here to talk to... and I say we go read about each other... What kind of a person am I?"

"Look, I don't care about that. You didn't know. What, you think I'm mad?"

"No..."

"Then it's okay. Forget about it." He rubbed her stomach. "You hungry? I think that's it. You're just hungry, that's all. And eating for two, you need to eat something. Hell, I need to eat something. Food solves everything, right? How about something really yummy? Like maybe, uh... pancakes with..." He shuddered. "...Barbeque sauce."

In an instant, Lucas' tears impending tears dried as she lit up. "...Actually, that doesn't sound half-bad. I really want that now. Can we get some?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want," he mumbled, trying not to show how disgusted he was.

"Yay! Let me hurry and get freshened up then, before we're too late to get the pancakes." And with that, she sprinted off to the bathroom and slammed the door.

Ness sighed as he plopped himself on Lucas' bed. Despite getting what he wanted off his chest, he couldn't help but still feel a bit guilty. Thank his lucky stars Lucas never thought to ask for more reasons or, even worse, go and look at his portfolio anyway. He couldn't stop her with brute force, and if that had come to pass...

He made a face. But why was he worried about this? It was over with. Lucas was happy, and he was doing good by spending the rest of the day with her. And it wasn't like he lied to Lucas or anything; only got her off a subject. That's all. He did nothing wrong, right?

...

...

...

Yeah. Nothing was wrong.

* * *

Of course, it took Lucas freakin' forever to get ready, so by the time they got to the cafeteria, breakfast was over. Lunch was being served, so that meant no pancakes. Fortunately, Lucas had since built up another craving for the scrumptious delicacy that was macaroni and cheese covered in honey, sided with hot dogs slathered in peanut butter.

...Let it never be said he didn't hafta suffer to please her.

"This stuff is just so good," swooned Lucas, scarfing down the repulsion that was her meal. "I can't say it enough; it just is! I know I'm going to look back on this and just wonder what in the world I was thinking."

"That makes two of us," muttered Ness. He looked down as a measly cheeseburger he'd gotten, not sure if he could even stomach it now.

The blonde noticed his disgust and swallowed, smiling. Reaching out, she touched a hand. "Sorry, that was a bit rude if me. This is 'us' time; we should talk about things we both love. ...Like each other."

He could already tell by the sound of her voice some sappy material was bound to follow. ...But turning his nose up and rolling his eyes at this every time weren't exactly the best ways of showing he cared. For fear of being the laughing stock of the house _again_, Ness wasn't too keen on getting all sentimental out in the open, but he'd just hafta bite his tongue for now. A small price to pay to show Luke a little love.

This in mind, he tried his best not to scrunch his face up. Instead, he forced a grin. "Heh, all right, then. ...What'd you have in mind?"

"Well—"

"Oh, Ness! There you are!" called someone. Looking up, the psychics saw Fox run over. "Listen, I need a quick favor—"

Ness snuffed him. "Go away. I'm busy."

"You need to report to the battlefield right away."

"No, I don't. I'm off today. Besides," He eyed Lucas, "I got things to do."

"Sorry, but due to circumstances beyond their control, the Ice Climbers won't be able to fight today, so you'll need to stand in for them."

At this, his mouth dropped. "Wh—? That's not fair! I never volunteered switching fight times!"

"I know, but their schedule clashes with everyone else who fights today. You won't have any fights tomorrow if you do this. Please?"

"No, I'm not the only one off, so ask someone else."

"I don't have time! The fight starts in 10 minutes!"

"Sucks for you."

"Well, if you choose not to come, the fight'll be cancelled on account of your refusal to show up. Not sure if you're still in hot water with Master Hand, but—"

Ness slowly turned to glare at him. "...Are you saying my schedule's already been changed?"

"I knew you'd get cheesed off and waste more time if I did, but yes; you're technically no longer free today." He tapped some papers on the table. "In case you didn't know, if someone doesn't show up for a fight, it's up to one of their opponents to find a replacement, or else it's cancelled. And no-show cancellations are easy ways to get on MH's bad side. Due to this, someone else already volunteered you to fill in. Time is of the essence, so I came to get you."

"Who did this? You?"

"I don't know. I just came to tell you." He dropped the papers before him, leaving. "Here're the battle changes if you want to see who you'll need to murder later."

"..." Enraged, Ness snatched up the papers and scanned through them. Eventually, he came to a list of the fighters. He noticed the Ice Climbers' name had been crossed out, his written in. So it read: Fox, Ness, Meta Knight, and... Pokémon Trainer.

...AKA, Red. That **_whore_**!

Sighing, Ness dropped the papers all over the floor, not giving two flips, as he begrudgingly faced Lucas.

"..." She smiled sadly.

"Luke, I'm sorry. I..."

"It's okay. I understand."

"This wasn't supposed to happen. I had the whole day planned out, I swear..."

"It's fine. You'll have tomorrow off. We can do it then."

"..."

He was glad to see her so optimistic about it, but he couldn't help but feel... cheated. That bastard Red was still up to his old tricks, but using his schedule against him? That was low, very low. He was willing to bet he probably sabotaged the damn thing. Just to get to him.

Lucas could tell he was brooding, gently pushing him. "Go on, Ness. I'm sure you'll do fine. It'll be over before you know it."

Ness sighed loudly. He hated being totally pissed off, only to have her gentle demeanor pacify it.

"...I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be rooting for you. I mean," She blushed, "_we'll_ be rooting for you."

Yes, yes, a million times yes, he knew! Did she hafta say that every time? He sprinted off without responding, knowing it'd only make things more awkward.

_

* * *

_

In a matter of minutes, he trudged his way to where the others were waiting. Fox, Meta Knight, and who else but Red idled about as they waited for the match to start. Upon seeing the psychic, Red dismissed the others and grinned.

"Oh hey, Ness," he slyly greeted. "Fancy seeing you here. Didn't think you'd show up."

"Didn't think _you'd_ show up after last night. How'd you like sleeping where you belong for once? Y'know, in the dirt?"

Immediately, Red's face fell. "...Still got that mouth of yours. Bet you think you're real funny with it, don'tcha?"

"I dunno. Lucas thought something about something on me last night."

Fox preempted Red's retaliation, holding him back. "All right, you two. That's enough of that. The fight's starting now, so settle the score in there."

"Oh, I'll do more than settle the score," chided Red. "Let's just say when I'm done with Ness, Lucas won't even know who he is anymore. Heheheh..."

Ness didn't know what that meant, but it just oozed foreshadowing. Problem was, he didn't know what exactly he was getting at.

...What could he possibly do to him so Lucas wouldn't recognize him? Dismember? Disfigure? Outright kick his ass? Sure, maybe it seemed like a cocky threat on the surface, but knowing Red, there was always something more to things than that. He never was one to take literally.

This proceeded to bother him as the fight started, as well as its duration.

_

* * *

_

Nana sat in her room, back to the door as he ex-partner banged on it mercilessly.

"Nana!" he called. "Please don't be like this! What I did back there... It was an accident, I swear!"

"..." Nana decided she was gonna, possibly literally, give him the cold shoulder from now on. What he'd done earlier was inexcusably stupid, even for someone like him.

Apparently, Popo had gotten the bright idea to show off his "capabilities" by attending a fight, only to wail on everyone involved. Very little could be applied to what on earth he was thinking, but from what Nana could tell, he was trying to prove his usefulness in the ways of battle. ...And the only way he could do that was by trying to beat up everyone before the Brawl even started.

Of course, this brewed a pre-Brawl battle, so she decided to leave. She no longer wanted anything to do with Popo, not even fight with him. Their agenda would be passed over to someone else for the rest of the day, so she'd deal with that problem tomorrow.

Unfortunately, being excused from the fight just gave Popo more reason to follow her, hence, why he was now minutes away from giving himself a concussion trying to get in.

"I just wanted you to see how cool I am! ...Temperature way included!"

"..."

"I mean, Lucas is cool and all, but she'll never be as frigid as you!"

"..."

"And her stick'll never pack as much punch as your hammer! As both our hammers! Belaying with her would be a nightmare! That snake thing she has is nowhere near as strong as our pull! And I can't do it by myself..."

"..."

"I know we squall a lot sometimes, but in the end, we should really leave that to our hammers. And... it's so much more fun to use Iceberg with you and laugh at everyone getting frostbite from it. Lucas just isn't cut out for that kinda stuff... or dressed for it. She'd probably get frostbite herself..."

"..." Somewhat softened, Nana looked to the door.

Popo sighed. "But Dedede's a penguin, and a big one, too. He could definitely take it... His hammer's way bigger and he could probably _carry_ you up mountains. I can't do that... So maybe you're better off with him, anyway..."

Nana opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. She was so used to putting up with his stupidity, what _could_ she say to something that pitiful?

She waited a few tense moments for Popo say something else, but only heard shuffling, then silence. Slowly, she got up and stared at the door.

"...Popo?"

...

"Popo?"

...

She finally decided to unlock and open the door, looking around for him. Not much to her surprise, he was gone. She sighed, irritation shifting to confliction. Despite still being mad at him for leaving her, his _lifelong partner_, she was now beginning to feel for the little dimwit. ...Then again, dropping her like a hot potato for Lucas was simply unforgivable.

...

...She huffed, hardening again. The door was then slammed and locked from inside.

_

* * *

_

Ness exited the fight, rubbing his face. Of course he'd go and get third place after badmouthing Red, who ended up winning. He knew he'd never hear the end of it, so he got outta dodge before he had the chance to mock him. Better yet, he had to find Lucas and make sure Red hadn't gotten to her, either.

There was no telling where she'd wandered off to, but she did say she'd be rooting for him, and that usually meant she was somewhere watching the fight. So maybe...

He wandered into the living room to test his theory and sure enough, Lucas was planted in front of the tube. The results for his fights were still being listed, even more proof she'd been watching. Unfortunately, this also meant she knew he lost.

Sensing a presence, she turned to see him, grinning uneasily. "Didn't go over too well, huh?"

"Yeah, I lost. Yuk it up, if you want." He flopped onto the couch.

"Now what makes you think I'd do that?"

"'Cuz I didn't just lose, I stank."

"At least you didn't get dead last. Meta Knight did, and he's supposed to be all powerful and revered and stuff." She pat his head. "You'll get first place next time."

"Nyeeeeeh..." That was his way of saying, 'Yeah, you're right. No use in crying over spilled milk. Thanks.'

Sweetly, she embraced him. "When's your next fight?"

"In two hours. Then I'm pretty much booked until dinner."

"Then let's get cozy comfy and watch a few fights until then, okay?"

Annoyed, Ness fixated his pout on the next fight's listings. "I don't wanna watch any right now..."

"Would you stay and watch if I did... this?" Lucas carefully reached out to touch him.

"...! H-hey! Lucas!" He scooted away.

"Whaaaat?" She swooned.

"Don't do that out here..."

"Whyyyyy?"

"'Cuz... What if someone walks in?"

"If I heard you come in, I'll hear someone else come in."

"Save it for later, okay? I don't want things to get outta hand..."

Lucas proceeded to violate him. "They won't, I promise. Just want to loosen you up a bit."

"W-well, I'm loose, okay?" He reeled back as she continued her assault. "A-ah! I-I'm loose! I said I'm loose!"

Mistaking this declaration as a good time to intrude, Charizard walked up. ("Hey, Ness, uh...")

Squirtle stared. ("Um...")

("Ooh,") Ivysaur blushed. ("Maybe we should come back later...")

Caught in the oh-so-lovely position of his shirt rolled up, Lucas' hand down his shorts, Ness narrowed his eyes at her. "...You'll hear someone walk in, huh?"

"Ooooh!" Lucas angrily pushed him away, frowning at the Pokémon. "Well, what do you three want?"

Coming back to his senses, Charizard cleared his throat. ("...Oh. Uh, well. See... The guys and I just wanted to talk to Ness here.")

("And you too, Lucas, since you're here and all,") added Squirtle.

The capped boy stood to leave. "If it's from Red, tell him to shove it up his—"

("We wanted to say we're sorry about Red.")

"...What?"

("Yeah.") Arms behind his back, Charizard pawed at the floor. ("We knew you were off today and so did he, so when the Ice Climbers didn't show, he jumped on the chance to get you involved.")

("I even tried to tell him Ganondorf finished training early and was raring to go, but he decided to pinpoint you. Sorry,") added the turtle.

("It's come to our attention he's just being immature now, something we're quite used to,") said Ivysaur, rolling her eyes.

Charizard shrugged. ("Despite that, he's still a trainer and we still hafta listen to him.")

Squirtle nodded. ("So just know we are no longer your enemies, okay? Any hostility outta us will be channeled through Red, 'cuz honestly, we're tired of this.")

Ivysaur continued. ("Yeah. When Red locks horns with someone, they stay that way. I'd admire his enthusiasm if he knew when to cut it out sometimes.")

"..."

("That being said,") finished Charizard, ("is there anything we can do to make it up to you?")

("Red's got kitchen duty, but he let us take five as a reward for beating you...") Squirtle chuckled uneasily. ("He'll have his hands tied for at least a few hours.")

Ness seemed skeptical. "...And this isn't a trick?"

("We know it's hard to believe, but no,") assured Ivysaur. ("But if you want us to do something, tell us now before Red finds out. The walls have eyes in this place...")

"Oh, sorry," put in Lucas. "I don't think there's anything we could ask from you right now. Maybe later—"

"Wait a sec, Luke." Ness looked sharply at Charizard, the dragon lifting his head in approval. "...You said anything?"

His gaze was not averted. ("Anything. We're that sorry.")

After a brief, but intense staredown between the two, Ness looked to Lucas. "Then how about a favor for us?"

("Go on?")

He looked back to Charizard. "Lucas and I wanna spend some time alone together, and I bet you know how hard that is to do around here."

("I'm sure everyone does.")

"Ness, what are you getting at?" asked the blonde.

"So what I wanna ask is this. It's a bit of a long shot, but... you guys know any way we can get some peace and quiet?"

("...") The three looked to each other.

Lucas made a face. "Ness..."

"C'mon, Lucas. It's not like we have a whole lotta options. I wanna spend some personal time with you, but without Red, without unexpected fights, without anything. And it sure as hell won't happen around here." He faced the trio again. "So what do you guys say? Can you help?"

("...I know of a way,") blankly said Charizard.

"Really? How?"

He pointed out a nearby window. ("There.")

Ness followed his arm. "There? Outside? That won't work."

("No. I mean out _there_.")

He narrowed his eyes. "Is this some kinda metaphorical crap you're pulling here?"

The Pokémon grumbled. ("The boundaries, Ness. Outside the house boundaries, there's nothing but... well, nothing for miles and miles.")

"The boundaries?" He scoffed. "Charizard, you know we're not allowed out there. What're trying to do, get us expelled?"

("I never said you had to go; just gave you the directions.")

"..."

("We really wanna make this up to you so... what if I come with you? No, I'll even escort you. We put up with Red's nonsense 24/7, so we know how annoying he can get.")

"..." Usually, Ness woulda suspected this to be a scam, but something about the way he offered made him reconsider. He actually sounded sincere. Hmm...

("Besides, Master Hand never had a problem with letting us flyers spread our wings a bit. I could take you two on a little aerial tour if you want.")

"I don't know..." uttered Lucas, sounding uneasy. "We're still not allowed out there. If Master Hand catches us, I don't know what we'll do."

("We could cover for you two if you want,") offered Squirtle. ("If he asks, we'll just say you two're taking a snooze and aren't to be disturbed.")

("At least until your next fight,") said the plant. ("You're on your own then.")

Looking to Charizard again, Ness asked, "...What did you have in mind?"

Excited, he still had the psychic's trust, the Fire-type smiled. ("Don't worry. We'll play this plan by ear.")

_

* * *

_

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Hey, guess what? Guess what, guys? Guess what I had to do. C'mon, it's easy. Yes, that right! I had to split the chapter again! Go, me!_


	27. Protecting the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Oh, look. There's a special guest appearance is in this section. Wonder who it could be._

_

* * *

_

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 27: _**_Protecting the Undeniable_

* * *

Escorting Lucas on his back, Charizard led Ness outside to the front yard. A couple of Smashers were running about, nonsensical in their activities as usual. One could only hope their casualness didn't attract any attention.

("Okay,") said Charizard, stopping several feet away from the exit gate. ("Beyond here's the outside, and if you want, I can take you and Lucas to the perfect spot where you can enjoy each other's company.")

"And where would that be?"

He lowered himself. ("Hop on and I'll show you.")

Lucas paled. "...! H-hop on? W-w-wait, why? Please don't tell me you plan on flying us there!"

("What did you think I meant earlier when I said MH didn't mind us flyers spreading our wings? 'Aerial tour' didn't ring a bell, either?")

"I thought it was a figure of speech or something! You can't fly with me up here! I don't think I can handle it...!"

("You honestly think we'd be better off walking there? It'd take hours...")

Frantic, she turned to the other psychic. "Ness, do something!"

Ness didn't answer, as was too busy rubbing his hands over the Pokemon's muscular back. It was nice and padded, solid structure warming his palms. His wings were thick and powerful as they flexed slightly above his head. He reached up to sample their texture, surprised they felt light as air inbetween his fingers. If he didn't know any better, he felt as if he were climbing onto a flying tank.

"Hmm. Nice build you got here," he complemented.

("Oh.") Charizard blushed. ("Uh, well, thanks... Guess you've never ridden on me before, huh?")

"Sorry. Too busy screwing with Red to get the privilege."

"Neeeeeeeess!" wailed Lucas, feeling ignored.

"Luke, chillax, all right?" He ruffled her hair, sitting in front of her. "We got us a pretty sweet ride here. We can't wreck this thing too easily. Isn't that right?" He slapped his back a few times.

This barely fazed Charizard, instead, inflating his ego. ("Oh, yeah. It'll take a lot to bring me down. I was raised and trained with the utmost care. Why, I bet I'm in the top percentage of Char—")

Ness cut him off. "That's nice; tell us later."

Lucas glared at him, annoyed at the touching of her precious coif. "Ness, I'm not riding if it'll hurt me or the baby. I'm serious."

"C'mon, Luke. I've seen you on Charizard before."

She proceeded to fix her hair. "Well, Red was around to look out for me."

"So I can't be around to look out for you instead?"

"But Charizard _belongs_ to him. You barely know a thing about Pokémon, and this is your first time riding one..."

Ness sneered, disgusted at being compared. "Luke, gimme the benefit of the doubt here. I'll look out for you, promise."

"..."

"How about if you... like... grab onto me or something?"

"...?"

"So you won't fall off. It'll be like riding a motorcycle or something, I dunno."

"...What's a motorcycle?"

"..." What planet did this kid come from?

Charizard looked back. ("Uh, we're kinda burning daylight here. You two ready?")

Panic-stricken, Lucas wrapped her arms around Ness, squeezing tight enough to make him cough. "L-listen, just be careful how you fly... Don't go too high or fast, watch where you're going and please, please, _please_ don't crash."

"In other words, yes," answered Ness.

("All right. Don't worry, I'll make it nice and easy,") assured the dragon. He looked forward, a dense collection of trees beyond the gate. ("Although, I can't say take off won't be a bit bumpy. I don't usually carry more than one person on my back. I can make it, I'm sure, but I'll need a little running room to get started.")

The blonde's eyes widened. "W-what? Wait, wait!"

("Okay, hold on tight!") he roared, rearing back, then charging forward in a heavy jog.

"Charizard, wait!" cried Lucas. "This isn't nice and easy at all! We're going to fall off like this!"

Her squealing fell on deaf ears as Charizard broke out into a full run, wings spreading and catching air as his sprint soon became a slight glide. A flap sent him a foot or two in the air, his legs hopping to get airborne. Two flaps lifted him further, his shadow soon visible from above. A quick succession of more flaps sent him into full flight, propelling him upwards into the sky.

Higher and higher he climbed until he became conscious in his altitude and stopped his ascent, widening his wings as a parachute to slow himself. He made certain to do it with the greatest of ease, his sudden climb gradually becoming a leisurely glide.

Now fully airborne, he smiled back at Lucas. ("There, see? That wasn't so bad, was it?")

She began to calm down. "N-no... But still, take it easy..."

("Sure.") Onward, he flew.

"So where're we going, anyway?" asked Ness. "You never told us."

("I'm taking you to a nice, secluded spot, untouched by civilization and thriving with nature. There's a big, beautiful lake there, with lush locale and picture perfect scenery for miles. The sky stretches on forever, making the sunsets here the best around. I think you two'll like it.")

Lucas swooned. "Oooh, it sounds divine..."

Ness frowned. He said to tell them where they were going, not be a damn tour guide.

* * *

A while later, Charizard began to descend. ("All right, you two. We're here.")

"Awww..." Lucas pouted. "No more flying?"

("Afraid not.") He landed. ("We can do it again when you're ready to go.")

"Oh, well," Ness said, hopping off. "Was fun while it lasted."

Lucas sighed, also getting off. "Aww, and just when I was getting used to it again... Guess we'll—"

Her mouth dropped at the surrounding scenery. Everything was just as Charizard described, except even more beautiful and breathtaking to behold.

Uninterested, Ness watched Lucas prance off, exclaiming at all the nooks and crannies of everything. She even picked a few flowers to smell. Personally, he didn't see the big deal. Yes, the area was very... jungle-esque, but that didn't really matter to him. All he cared about was that they were alone, which they were. ...Well, sorta.

Clearing his throat, he faced the dragon. "Well, thanks for the ride, big guy. Now if you don't mind, you think you could... y'know?"

("...No?")

"Kinda maybe... leave?"

("What?")

"No offense. We just want some time, y'know, alone?"

("Don't mind me; I won't get in the way.")

Ness frowned. "..."

The dragon snorted. ("Oh, come on... You'll need a bodyguard, I'm sure. No telling what's out here.")

"There's also no telling what'll happen between me and Lucas. Consider this a disclaimer."

("Didn't you guys already have your fun last night?")

"..."

("I was the last one to go to bed in our room. Don't think I didn't hear you.")

"...That's not the point."

("Ness, pleeeeeease?") He put his large paws together in an almost-pitiful plea. ("I'll leave you two be if needed; I just don't want you getting lost, or Lucas needing something while I'm elsewhere.")

"...Okay, y'know what? Fine. You can stay around, but please—"

("Don't get involved. I know, I know. I've heard it enough from Red.")

"Good. So, uh," He shooed him off, glancing at Lucas, "go off and chillax or something. I'll call you when we're done."

("All right. There's a lake nearby, so clean yourselves up when you're... finished.") He shuddered and walked off into the jungle.

Ness snorted. He was just jealous, that's all. He'd probably never been laid. But who cares? He was finally, finally, _finally_ all alone with Lucas! They were free to do what they wanted for at least two whole hours! And not a second would be wasted!

Looking back, Charizard watched Ness sneak up behind Lucas, eventually pouncing on her. They exchanged some dialogue too muffled to hear. This made Ness let go, looking mischievous. More dialogue, then Ness playfully pushed Lucas, who pushed back. This went on until Lucas shoved Ness a little too hard, knocking him into some shrubs. She proceeded to run off, giggling. Seeing this as a challenge, Ness scrambled up and gave chase, also laughing.

Their laughing and cavorting echoed in the distance of the jungle, proving they were enjoying themselves. He smiled. It felt good to do good for others. Evildoing with Red so long had gotten old...

He sighed, content. Well, he hoped they had fun. Now, what could he do in the meantime...?

* * *

Too fast. They went by way too fast. Two hours weren't nearly enough for them to do everything they wanted to. Hell, an entire day probably wasn't long enough. In a half-hour or so, they'd be back in that damn house with stupid Red and all the chaos, all the madness, all the interruptions, and so on. He was really tempted to take Lucas and elope or something, but it'd have long-term consequences, sadly. Ugh...

"Oh, isn't this place beautiful?" said the blonde, frolicking about as they walked. "I know this is, like, the millionth time I've said it, but it is!"

Ness snapped back to reality. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Real nice..."

"It's like paradise out here," she continued, still in awe. "I never thought it could be so tranquil, so complete... Why doesn't Master Hand let us out here more often? Gets pretty cramped just being in the house all day."

"Guess he doesn't want us getting our asses killed. We aren't the most responsible bunch."

"Yeah, but Ness, look at this place! We should come out here more often. It seems like such a waste not to enjoy it all. And I know there's even more out there!" She skipped ahead, jumping through a wall of thick greenery.

"C'mon Luke, you know we can't go too much further."

"Ooh, Ness! Ness! Come quick, look!"

"All right, hold your horses." He stuck his head through the leaves. "What?"

"Get out here, silly, and look!"

She yanked him out and directed his attention to a huge lake. It had to've been a half-mile wide and was full of sparkling, cool, clear water. Ness'd be lying if he didn't admit he was fascinated.

Her eyes sparkled. "I know Charizard said there was a lake out here, but I didn't know it was so... beautiful!"

"Yeah, it's pretty nice," Ness admitted. He touched the surface. "And lukewarm, too."

"I know, it's so perfect and serene...! Let's sit and—" Lucas stopped, seeing Ness take of his shirt. "...What're you doing?"

He snickered. "Going skinny-dipping. Come with me."

She was appalled. "Ness, no!"

"C'moooooooon..."

Lucas jammed the shirt back over his head. "No, I don't want to get indecent out here!"

"You were earlier!"

"...I-I was still wearing my clothes! My shorts were just...!" She blushed. "L-look, that doesn't count!"

"Yeah, it does..." He proceeded to lift up her shirt. "Let's go. You know you wanna..."

"No!"

"Yeeeeeeeees..."

"No, stop it!" She grabbed his shirt. "I'm warning you!"

He grabbed her wrists. "Lucaaaaaaas..."

She pulled back. "Ness!"

He got an idea. "...Y'know, you're pretty when you get mad."

"I don't want—!" She fluttered her eyes. "...Really?"

Ness answered by letting her wrists go, allowing her to squeal and fall into the water. "Good, I'm glad you see it my way."

She crawled back onshore. _"I am so going to kill you, Ness!"_

"Oh, get over it, Luke. You get upset over everything, y'know that?"

He laughed, but his face instantly fell as he looked back at the water. ...Did he see something move?

"Hey, what's that?"

"Yeah, right. I'm not falling for that," Lucas huffed, stealing his hat. "Ha! Now we'll see who gets upset over everything!"

Pointing, Ness frowned. "No, seriously. You didn't see it?"

"I'm not listeninggggg," she taunted, wagging the hat over his head. "Better come get your hat before I do something bad to iiiiit..."

"..." Ness knew he saw something. There were ripples spreading across the lake, but it wasn't from them... They were opposite to theirs, and _much_ bigger...

No sooner had he pieced this together, the ripples grew in strength until a long, green dragon sprang outta the water. ...And it didn't look too happy.

"The hell's that thing?" he absentmindedly asked.

Lucas paled. "T-t-that's—!"

The dragon roared, ("WHO DARES TO AWAKEN THE ALMIGHTY RAYQUAZA?")

Oh. So that was his name. Well, good. Now that that was cleared up, maybe they should go—

Mr. Rayquaza decided to prove his point a little more and fire off a pulse of energy into the jungle, just missing him and Lucas. How dandy.

"T-that's Rayquaza..." quietly finished Lucas. "He's a Legendary Pokémon Red told me about once... He's very big and scary and powerful and doesn't like people on his territory..."

"...You don't think he's gonna attack us or anything, right?"

"We're on his territory, so yes..."

He grabbed his hat, taking a step backwards. "...Maybe if we move real slow..."

("INFIDELS!") he roared again. ("YOU WON'T BE LEAVING MY DOMAIN SO EASILY!")

With that, he arched his lengthy body and shot outta the water, propelling himself towards land at, like, 99 miles per hour. It was so fast, before either Ness or Lucas could comprehend it, he'd already zoomed by and off into the brush.

Frantic, Lucas scrambled to her feet. "N-Ness! We need to get out of here! He'll kill us for sure!" With that, she turned on her heel and scampered off into the jungle.

"Lucas, wait!" Ness called. "Dammit, that's where he went! Don't go that way—!"

Too late. Seconds later, Lucas screamed, running back out and falling into the dirt, inadvertently dodging Rayquaza's outstretched arms. The force and sound of him whooshing by again rivaled that of a plane taking off. He wildly did a loop-de-loop over the lake, overcome with rage.

Seeing his chance, Ness pulled Lucas back into the brush. "Quick, while he's not looking!"

She didn't have time to object before she was stumbling and tripping in trying to keep up. Either he was determined to get her to safety, or too negligent to remember she was about four months pregnant. Regardless, this wasn't boding well for her condition.

"Ness!" she moaned. "Stop, please! I can't keep running like this...!"

"Just a little more! We gotta try and lose this guy!"

"But everything's so thick! I don't think he can even follow us in he—"

She was suddenly proved very wrong, as Rayquaza toppled and snapped trees in half, determined to catch them. Hearing this, Lucas turned back and shrieked, the dragon hanging above her. Before he had the chance to strike, an orange blur came to the rescue in the form of Charizard. He swooped down from the skies and rammed headfirst into Rayquaza, temporarily knocking him senseless.

"C-Charizard!" choked Lucas, hyperventilating.

He landed, allowing her access. ("Quick, get on!")

Ness, several feet ahead, skided to a stop and ran back to hitch a ride. Unfortunately, Rayquaza had come to his senses, more pissed off than ever.

("BETRAYAL!") he barked. Immediately, his eyes glowed an intense red, setting off a seemingly random explosion that blew Ness off his feet.

When the smoke cleared, Charizard was nowhere to seen, only Rayquaza remaining. Ness scowled. The hell was he running for? Charizard had gotten Lucas to safety, leaving him free to actually battle. This string bean couldn't be much harder than a Brawl, right?

...

...

...

Oh, who was he kidding? Of course he was. Ness wasn't _that_ stupid.

Seeing him readying another pulse of energy, he turned tail and ran again.

("Ness! Grab on!")

"Huh?"

He looked over his shoulder in time to see Charizard fly back, dipping low enough for him to grab onto. No sooner had he made a reach for the dragon, the even bigger, greener one came barreling through, mouth crackling with energy for another attack.

This didn't help in Ness' concentration, as he frantically clawed for Charizard's bod, it teasingly just hovering outta his reach. Fortunately, at the very last second, he tripped over a raised tree root, falling and latching onto Charizard's neck as the Pokémon tore off towards the sky. Rayquaza's attack just singed some of his tail as he ascended, going on to blow up some trees.

"Charizard!" cried Ness, dangling off his neck. "Slow down! I'm gonna fall off!"

("What did you two do? Why's Rayquaza chasing you?") he demanded.

"Nothing!" cried Lucas, clinging to his back. "We were playing around in the lake when he came up and started attacking us! We didn't bother him, we swear!"

("You musta woke him up when you disturbed the water! Rayquaza's insanely territorial! Guess I forgot to warn you about him!")

Ness growled. "You **_guess_**? You're the one who said we should go to the damn lake!"

("FOOLS!") roared Rayquaza, still in the jungle. ("YOU THINK YOU CAN ESCAPE ME BY AIR?")

("I can try!") retorted Charizard, hoisting Ness onto his back with Lucas.

("INSOLENCE!") In the blink of an eye, he'd whipped himself into the air, appearing beside Charizard. His angry yellow pupil glared at the trio. ("NO ONE ESCAPES ME BY AIR! NO ONE!")

"Oh, shut up already!" spat Ness, setting his face ablaze with PK Fire. Busied with shaking off the flames, they were able to get a head start.

Charizard sped through the air as fast as his wings could carry him, flying high and dipping low to avoid Rayquaza's occasional attacks. Despite his evasive maneuvers, that didn't stop their pursuer from easily catching up and striking at close range. A swipe of his large, green claw was barely avoided, as well as a snap of his large jaws and the whipping of his enormous tail.

Rayquaza was becoming more and furious by the second. If he zigged, Charizard zagged. If he zagged, Charizard zigged. Adding insult to injury, Ness would even fling a PSI attack right in his face every now and again. Being able to easily annihilate the three didn't mean anything if couldn't lay a claw on him.

"Keep it up, Charizard!" encouraged Ness. "You're dodging him like a pro!"

("Thanks! I can see the house coming up, too! We're almost there!")

"I just want to go home!" cried Lucas, face buried in the back of Ness' shirt.

Another pulse of energy was avoided, Rayquaza stopping. ("THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH!")

"Huh?" Ness looked back. "Why isn't he chasing us anymore?"

("Who cares? We're almost home!")

More assumptions were never made as Rayquaza's body suddenly became electrified. Being shocked by Pikachu countless times, Ness knew this indication.

Turning, he grabbed Lucas' shoulders. "Lucas, I'm probably gonna regret this, but maybe you'll get lucky..."

"Huh?"

Without another word, he tossed her off, ignoring her squeals and pleas for help.

("NESS! What do you think you're—") Charizard didn't finish, he and Ness struck by a tremendous bolt from Rayquaza. Stunned, both plummeted.

("Gotcha!") he cheered. Whipping ahead, he caught the two in each claw. "I said it once and I'll say it again: NO ONE ESCAPES ME BY AIR!")

_

* * *

_

Out on the lawn, Fox winced at the flash of lightning. "Woah! Did you see that? Looks like a bad storm's brewing."

"But there're no storm clouds..." mused Pit.

"Still... Maybe we should head in before we get a jolt."

"Yeah, I—" Pit squinted. "Wait... You see that?"

Fox turned. "What?"

He pointed. "That, right there! Someone's falling!"

"You're seeing things, kid."

Pit didn't care as he ran and became airborne. "Don't worry, I'll catch you!"

Soaring above the trees, his rescue was cut short as he spotted something in the distance. His eyes widened as he realized its structure.

"R-Rayquaza? What's he doing here?"

That became the least of his worries, as Lucas' squealing pierced his ears. Forgetting the dragon, he dove down and smugly held out his arms. The blonde flopped right into them.

"Oh, hey there. Someone call Heaven, I think an angel's gone missing," he joked.

Lucas clung for dear life. _"Pit, don't let me go! Please, **please** don't let me go!"_

"Okay, but I can't make any promises if I can't breathe..."

Back in the air, Rayquaza loomed over the captured Ness and Charizard, ready to do the unspeakable, when a peanut nicked him in the eye. He threw his head back and roared in monstrous pain, convulsing wildly.

Diddy, the source of the fired nut, danced. ("Yes! Perfect shot! Sheik, back me up here!")

"Gladly!"

Sheik defied gravity and leapt into the air with an amazing amount of force. Sending out a spray of needles at the giant's claws, she released Ness and Charizard and began to lay the smackdown on Rayquaza.

Charizard managed to catch Ness and glide a ways to the ground before his energy gave out and he collapsed, making for a pretty rough landing. Ness woulda gave it at 2.8, but since falling from any higher probably woulda resulted in some broken necks, maybe a 9 would suffice.

Lying on his back, Ness came to realize every Smasher idling outside had come together to fire away at Rayquaza, all while Sheik proceeded to ninja him into defeat from the air.

Fox, Wolf, and Falco fired off blasters, as did Diddy with his peanuts. Link and Toon Link shot arrows, while Lucario backed them up with Aura Spheres. Samus was out with her Paralyzer, accompanying R.O.B. and his laser, with Yoshi tossing eggs left and right.

Eventually, Red appeared on the scene. Annoyed, he shouted. "Enough!"

Everyone froze, even Sheik, who was suspended in midair, poised to kick Rayquaza again.

He pointed. "You!"

The Sky High Pokémon looked surprised. ("...Me?")

"Yeah, you! The hell you think you're doing here?"

("I—")

"No! I don't wanna hear it! No excuses!" He angrily pointed. "Get your ass back to that lake!"

("But—")

"NOW!"

("I NEVER GET ANYTHING I WANT!") bawled the dragon, zigzagging away in a hissy fit.

"..."

Everyone stared stupid until Sheik landed. "...All those attacks didn't put him down, but yelling scared him off?"

"Rayquaza's a jackass. All walk and no talk. Act like you ain't scared of 'em and he'll run home crying." Red's cockiness immediately became anger as he noticed Ness on the ground. "And you!" He grabbed his collar. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING, RIDING MY CHARIZARD?"

"...F-fall in a hole and die..." he coughed.

Furious, he flung him to the ground, going over to Charizard. "Hey buddy, you okay? I saw that Thunder attack. It musta been brutal..."

("'Brutal' doesn't begin to cover it...")

Pit landed with Lucas. "Hey, I dunno what that was all about, but is everyone all right?"

The trainer looked up. "I think Charizard needs a bit of medical attention, but he'll pull through. He's a big, tough bastard; I trained him, after all."

"What about Ness? He looks a bit fried," asked Link.

He scowled. "Good, leave him here. Maybe Rayquaza'll find him tasty."

"Ness!" Lucas wiggled outta Pit's grasp and ran to him. "...Are you okay?"

Expression deadpan, he responded, "Yeah, I'm used to it. No sweat... Just hurt like hell..."

"You knew that attack was coming, didn't you? And you wanted to save me...?

"The gist of it, yeah..."

She swooned. "...That was so brave. Stupid! ...But brave."

"I'll take that as a compliment..."

All the noise brought Master Hand into appearance. "What on earth is going on out here?"

Samus shrugged. "Uh..."

"I dunno, but I vouch it was Ness' fault," vouched Red.

"Ness!" He pointed at him. "What did you do? Do I have to send you home for real this time?"

"..." Was it really this hard to get sympathy from someone after getting electrocuted by an overgrown pea pod?

Luckily, Toon Link came to his rescue. "Oh no, Master Hand. See... We were having a game of... tug of war."

"...Oh?"

"Oh, yes. It was a rousing match, wasn't it, guys?" He turned to the others, hoping they'd be smart enough to go along with him.

Fortunately, they did, as Pit slapped Diddy's back. "...Oh! Yeah! Hahaha! Great game, guys. Great game. We should do this again some time."

"Oh, you guys," Sheik uneasily joked. "We, uh, we almost... won that one, huh?"

Wolf coughed. "Better luck next time, I suppose..."

Red's face became a mixture of shock and disgust, both at Toon Link standing up for Ness, and the others getting in on it.

The hand seemed skeptical. "I see. And where exactly is the rope?"

Timidly, Lucas pulled out her Rope Snake. "...Here?"

"And Rayquaza? Of all things what was he doing here?"

Now that, no one seemed to know, so they looked about for an answer.

("Uh...") Yoshi almost childishly pointed at Red. ("He did it?")

The hand pointed. "Red!"

"He's lying! They all are! I didn't do this!"

"Rayquaza is a Pokémon, so I don't see how the others would go about summoning him!"

"Oh, like _I_ can do that?"

"You must've provoked him somehow." He looked down. "And I see Charizard has been badly injured, as well. Recklessness begets injuries, Red!"

"But—!"

"Listen, no one got seriously hurt, so consider this a warning: don't try and show off like that anymore, especially if it puts your fellow teammates in danger! Do you understand?"

"...Yes, sir." Defeated, lowered his head. Such a sight almost made up for the Thunder attack.

"Good." He surveyed the group. "Now enough shenanigans. I'm hoping no one out here is skipping out on a Brawl."

Everyone shook their heads.

"Is anyone having a fight soon?"

Everyone but Lucas, Red, and Fox raised their hands.

"Then what're you all waiting for? Get back to your posts and brawl! Make them all spectacular and powerful; ones to remember!" And with that, the overgrown appendage hovered away, fading into nothingness.

Scattered murmuring was heard throughout the group as they shrugged and dispersed. Ness was surprised they weren't hounding him or Lucas on why Rayquaza showed up, but they most likely didn't care; probably just wanted an excuse to shoot something.

"Don't worry, Char, we'll get you good as new in no time." Red recalled Charizard, walking off.

...That was odd. No glares or snappy insults? No threats? Nothing? ...Huh.

Ness forced himself up. "C'mon, Luke. Let's go..."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. And I got some fights to finish, so..."

She reached down. "Here, let me help you."

He pulled away. "I can do it myself..."

"Ooh!" She pouted. "Why're you so stubborn?"

"Why're you so insisting?"

"I'm trying to help you!"

"And you can, by letting me get up by myself..."

"Ness, sometimes, I swear—!" She stopped mid-sentence, looking confused. Standing up, she put her hands on her stomach and gasped. "...Ness!"

"What's wrong?"

"...The baby," she breathed. "It... it... _moved_!"

"What?"

"It was only for a second, but I felt it! I know I did!" She rubbed. "...It was like a little flutter, a tickle!"

"Oh, that's, uh, nice..."

"_Nice?_ It's... it's... it's wonderful!" On the verge of tears, she covered her mouth. "Omigosh, I-I-I've got to tell the girls! A-and write down when it happened! And the feeling! And...!"

Her ramblings faded as she made her way back to the house, leaving him alone to muse. Personally, Ness wasn't sure how to react to the news. He... _guessed_ he should be happy... Maybe? But was it for his sake or Lucas'?

...

Whatever. She was probably overacting, anyway. S'what girls did the most, after all.

_

* * *

_

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Uh... Next chapter, I guess?_


	28. Dealing with the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ This Chapter was originally gonna be tacked on to the last one, but that would made it about 3,000 words longer, so consider this a... half chapter/turning point/transition thing._

_

* * *

_

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 28: _**_Dealing with the Undeniable_

* * *

It was 3:39am, a ridiculous time for anyone to be awake in the house. 11pm was when fights ended, midnight being when everyone had to either hit the hay or stay in their room for the rest of the night. Master Hand had enough trouble trying to keep track of everyone during the day; without curfews, the place would be Hell-and-a-half.

...Of course, that didn't stop the occasional resident from breaking that rule. People snuck outta their rooms more often than the big hand thought. Hell, at least two or three Smashers did it pretty much every night. Whether it was to get a late-night snack, stay the night at someone else's place, or just get away from it all, someone was always about at this ungodly hour.

Tonight, Pikachu was one of them.

He sat carelessly on the roof, admiring the full moon. That was usually kind of a bad sign, especially in a place as chaotic as this, but things didn't seem too affected this time around.

Suddenly, the mouse scowled as some thick clouds rolled in, blocking his view. It wasn't a storm or anything, but it'd be a while before they cleared enough for him to go back to skygazing. Whatever. May as well check what's going on down below.

Standing on all fours, he walked along the roof shingles, surveying the ground. It was curfew, so very little was going on; just the plain old concrete path leading away from the plain old house towards the plain old water fountain in the middle of the yard. Beyond this, the path continued on to the statues of Mario, him, Kirby, and Link, two statues on each side to greet those who came through the luxurious entry gate. And beyond that may as well not've even existed, as it was outside house boundaries. And _no one_ was allowed out there.

Now that was a rule many people actually followed. The outside was dangerous, uncharted territory; if anyone ever got lost out there, there was a good chance they'd stay lost. It started off with a heavily forested area that seemed to go on for miles, then, just barely squeezed into one's natural view, the edge of a huge lake. After that, nothing but distant mountains and sky. No one was allowed out there, no exceptions. Ness and Lucas' little escapade earlier only cemented this.

But enough about that, the moon was back out! Its light brightened up the entire house and yard, making things much easier on the eyes. Pikachu looked over everything once more and was about to go back to idling about when he spotted something.

A figure and its companion sneakily strode along the side of the house, staying within the shadows to avoid detection. Pikachu's ears rose in intrigue, already spotting them. He was always up for sticking his nose into other people's business.

Waiting until the figures snuck into the house, he skittered along the roof until he found the only open window on that floor; his. Swinging in, he landed quietly on his bed, immediately realizing something was wrong. Sharing the room with six other people, things should've been more crowded. Jigglypuff and Lucario were sound asleep in their beds, but Red's appeared to be empty, as well as the three makeshift beds around it. Interesting...

Hearing something downstairs, Pikachu carefully snuck out the door. Perching himself on the upstairs railing, his suspicions were confirmed when none other than Red tiptoed around in the foyer, Ivysaur in tow. Very interesting...

Using his natural litheness, he slid down the railing, arriving on the first floor just in time to see Red panic and run off. He hadn't had time to know he was being followed, so it musta been nerves. His scrambling was quite slow compared to Pikachu's speed, so following was no problem.

Soon, the trainer came to the Hands' office, bringing out Charizard. Now, what was that dumbass up to—? Pikachu's question was answered as Charizard kicked the door open. Afraid that'd made too much noise, Red ducked inside, his lackeys following suit. Very, very interesting... And very, very illegal.

Once inside, Pikachu just missed Red going through to... the Data Room? Okay, now this was getting shady. Crawling through the door, he darted behind a bookcase as Red went to the huge-ass computer screen in the middle of the room. This would be interesting...

("Listen, Red,") reasoned Charizard. ("You've officially taken this too far... You already got some dirt on Ness; what else do you need?")

"Insurance. Now be quiet and watch how it's done."

Cracking his knuckles, he pushed an apparent "ON" button on the keyboard. Immediately, the screen turned on, showcasing nothing but a blinding white background. Red grinned triumphantly, while his Pokémon looked on in disgust, as if they already knew what was coming.

The next thing anyone knew, a buncha shadows had appeared on-screen. They all seemed fused together, so it was difficult telling what any of them were, but they were definitely all monster-like in design. One had a monstrously big head and flipper-like arms, the one next to it being really long and stringy with two lanky claws sprouting from its torso. The third appeared to resemble a large crab, while the last looked like a generic winged dragon like Charizard.

("I see,") said the stringy thing. ("So you finally decided to show up. Took you long enough.")

"I had to wait 'til afterhours to get up with you guys," snorted Red. "Cut me some slack here."

("I thought you said afterhours started at midnight. It's almost four in the morning!")

"Look, you wanna hear what I hafta say or not?"

"Why should we make a deal with you, anyway?" asked the crab thing. "You're one of the good guys!"

"Au contraire, that doesn't mean we can't strike a deal here, gentlemen."

"No! We no make deals with little, puny human!" growled the monster thing.

"Especially one of the Smashers," scoffed the dragon thing.

"And especially one who can't even fight on his own!" continued the crab thing.

Red narrowed his eyes. "Fine, be that way. I was hoping we could come to some sorta agreement on maybe getting you outta your little predicament over there in No Man's Land, but—"

("Wait, wait, wait,") pled the stringy thing to everyone. ("Listen, I know tensions are high, but we can work this out, I'm sure...")

"No, forget you. I'm going to bed," muttered the crab. "This guy's just trying to trick us..."

("Do you honestly think someone who makes Pokémon fight for him is smart enough to do that?")

Red decided to let that one go. "Whatever. I'm here, you're here, let's leave it at that."

"Fine." The dragon crossed its arms. "What is it you want?"

"Why, the one thing we all want."

"Tacos?" guessed monster thing.

"..." Apparently, he was the only one who wanted tacos at the moment.

"...No." Red went on, grinning. "Revenge."

"...Go on," urged the crab thing, now intrigued.

"Now. You guys're trapped over there, right? All thanks to the barrier Master Hand put up after we kinda decimated everything?"

"Grah! No remind us!" growled the monster.

"Well, in doing some research, I've found out the barrier is one-way, but only for you; you can't get out, but we can still get in and leave."

The dragon shrugged. "So?"

"Since we're official members of the Smash Tourney, MH can't really stop us Smashers from going where we want. Smack us around, maybe, but not physically stop."

"Get to the point, man," sighed the crab. "I'm getting tired."

"So all I need to do is get everyone back to No Man's Land over there and, with you guys having the hometown advantage, it'll be your chance to strike. Then you can get back at that overgrown glove, defeat all who opposed you, and rule the entire Smash Universe!"

At this point, the crab was starting to get annoyed. "...Isn't that _exactly_ what happened last time?"

"Then consider this a second chance. Arm yourselves well, build better weapons, get on guard; do all you can to get ready for this, 'cuz it'll be your last shot at freedom until the tournament ends."

("See?") said the stringy thing to the dragon. ("I told you this guy had good benefits.")

"Sounds more like a pipe dream to me," it replied.

The crab seemed skeptical. "That's nice and all, but you guys were spread out all over the damn place last time, and you still came together to kick our asses in the end."

"That's where you guys come in," continued Red. "Aside from gearing the hell up for this, you'll be taking on fewer people at once if everything goes according to plan. All you guys hafta do is take care of this ooooone guy who's been kinda getting on my nerves and this ooooone girl who I kinda have the hots for. You kidnap the girl, and I'll send the guy your way. Things should snowball from there."

"Ooh! Kidnapping!" The monster danced, clapping happily. "Me like kidnapping! Pretty girls always so pretty to look at!"

Red went on. "With both of them missing, MH'll send the whole house to look for them, and they'll be walking right into your hands."

The crab frowned. "But I thought you said we'd be taking on _less_ people."

"You will. I'll corral them for you. Considering how huge it is over there, all I hafta do is lead a few Smashers to you, you take care of 'em, rinse and repeat."

("Wait, wait. Did you check up with the Boss?") asked the longest shadow. ("I don't think he'd be too happy knowing we're making deals behind his back.")

Red recoiled. "Do you honestly think I'm stupid enough to go to him with this kinda deal? He'd kill me! _You_ give him my proposal and we'll go from there."

The dragon crossed its arms. "I don't know. This all sounds pretty contrived to me. ...Uh, who's the guy and who's the damsel? It's a princess or something, right?"

"Hold on, lemme get a pic of the guy I want you to handle first." The trainer dug in his pockets until he found a pair of pictures. Smiling, he held one up for the figures. As they crowded around to see, he asked, "Well?"

The dragon scowled. "...Ness? You mean, _that's_ who we have to get rid of?"

"Yep. Easy, huh?"

"Too easy. ...Therefore, this is a trap!"

"Whuh?"

"I thought maybe'd we have to take down Mario or Link or Samus or something. You know, someone actually threatening. But this kid wouldn't even be worth attacking on our own accord!"

"Look, you're gonna be enslaving everyone in the house, anyway. What's the big deal?"

"The 'big deal' is we've got better things to do with our time than fool around with some kid who's probably dumber than you!"

"That doesn't make him any less of a threat!"

"Yes, to you. This is all petty rivalry, and I refuse to be a part of it!"

"The hell do you mean Ness isn't a threat?" argued the crab. "You can't trust that ass as far as you can throw him!"

"I'm not wasting my time on some little snot-noised brat!"

"Oh, what? So you _want_ to hafta deal with some big powerhouse who'll probably ruin any chance we'll ever get outta this godforsaken place?"

"Well, no, but it seems like such a waste—"

"_You're_ a waste!" He faced Red. "Forget him! We'll do it, but I get first dibs!"

"Wonderful! I don't care what you do to him, as long as he stays away from me and the girl."

"So who girl anyway?" asked the monster. "She pretty girl?"

"See for yourself." Red showed them Lucas' picture, post-boy phase, of course.

"Oooooooooh," cooed the monster. "She pretty! She very pretty! Me want her!"

The dragon turned his nose up. "A bit on the dippy side, if you ask me."

("Count me out, too. She's not my type... literally,") voiced the stringy thing.

The crab eyed her picture, seemingly suspicious. "...Huh. Y'know, for never seeing her before, she sure does look awfully familiar..."

Red chuckled nervously. "...Eheh... Uh, w-what do you mean?"

"I dunno. Something about her just makes me feel... annoyed. I feel like I should... hate her or something."

"Oh, what? Now how could you hate on a sweetie pie like this?"

"It's not her; it's who she reminds me of... Hmmmmm... I swear, she looks almost identical..."

Red paled. "..."

"...Ah, whatever. Who cares? She reminded me of some wussy-pants guy I wish I could throttle, but it's probably a coincidence." He scoffed. "But hell, he had, like, no balls, so he may as well've been a girl, the sissy, wimpy, wussy-pants, no-talent loser..."

Red tried not to falter. "Heh heh, uh yeah... There's no way _she_ could be _him_, after all. Eheheheh..."

"...Outta curiosity, though... What's her name?"

He flinched. "N-name?"

"Yeah, name. What you call her. ...Or do you use more derogatory terms?"

"No..."

"Then the hell's her name?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Lu, Luh, Le—Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Lana! That's it! Her name is Lana. Princess Lana, to be exact."

"How come I never heard of her?" asked the dragon.

("I didn't see her during the takedown,") added the stringy thing.

"Is pretty girl Smasher like other Smashers?" questioned the monster.

"Oh, yes," lied Red. "She lost her, uh, invitation in the mail and got here, like, way late, so that's why."

"And why're we kidnapping her again?" pondered the crab.

"Well..." The trainer stuck his chest out, pompous. "With the ratio of men to women here ridiculously outta balance, I feel like they're too many eyes on her lately. Therefore, I want her put away for the time being so we can share a little private time together later. ...If you know what I mean."

The dragon looked disgusted. "So it's like Bowser, but more shameful because you can't do it on your own."

"Ye—" He did a double take. "Wait! No! I just want you to kidnap her until the house is taken over, okay?"

The crab frowned."...So lemme get this straight; you want us to kidnap the girl, then give her _back_?"

"Well, yeah." He shrugged. "The hell're you guys gonna do with her?"

The dragon snorted. "We're bad guys; we'll think of something."

"But one thing we're _not_ gonna do with her is steal her then give her back," stated the crab.

"Oh, come on! I'm giving you the house, control, and everything else! You didn't want her earlier!"

"Listen, kid," said the dragon. "If we're going to go to the trouble of kidnapping something, I'd like to think we'd want to keep it."

"Fine, then. Deal's off." Red turned to go. "Rot in peace, for all I care."

("Okay, okay, okay!") reasoned the stringy thing. ("How about this? We won't kidnap her, but we'll hold her hostage.")

Red stopped. "What's the difference?"

("She won't be ours, but we'll be holding her for a ransom or something, then after we get control of everything, we'll give her back. Since we'll never take claim of her, you can have her back for all we care.")

"That doesn't make any sense."

("None of this makes any sense. Just work with me here.")

He rubbed his chin. "...I dunno. Sounds iffy. How do I know you guys won't betray me?"

"She looks too jailbait-ish anyway," snorted the crab. "The worse we'll do is make her cook or something."

"Yeah. We'll save all the nasty, degrading stuff for Peach and Zelda," added the dragon.

"...Well, since you put it that way, I guess it can work..."

"So, we've got a deal?" asked the crab.

Red continued to ponder. "...Hmm."

"Well?"

"..."

He stomped a leg. "C'mon man, I'm tired! Let's go! Yes or no?"

The trainer smirked. "...All right, it's a deal."

"Good! Freakin' finally..."

"So how do you plan on going about this?" asked the dragon.

"You leave that to me. It'll be a while before I'm ready, but in the meantime, go tell 'your Boss' or whatever. Get all your troops, all your weapons, all your forces ready. Make absolutely sure you're ready for this, 'cuz it's gonna get ugly if you're not."

Rayquaza saluted. ("Ten-four on that, good buddy.")

The crab leered. "The hell are you, a trucker?"

("Well, I was just—")

"No. Shut up."

"Whatever. Just hold up your end of the bargain and call us as soon as everything's ready. Over and out." The dragon pushed a button off-screen, turning the transmission off.

"Good, now that that's settled," Red smiled as he brandished a folder, containing the damning evidence, "and we have this, everything's ready to go."

His dragon shook his head. ("Red, again, don't you think this is a bit much?")

"Ah, Charizard." He pat his back. "Usually, I'd be pissed about you helping out that son of a coffee maker, Ness, but I've a feeling it'll work out for us all in the end."

("How?") asked Ivysaur.

Red laughed. "All right, all right. I'll explain one last time. Those dopes don't realize in making a plan with me, I've also made a plan against them. After they get a hold of Ness and Lucas, I'll spill their plans to the house, we'll ambush 'em, I'll save Lucas, and I'll be the hero!"

("And Ness'll get the... 'special treatment'?") sighed Charizard.

"Bingo!"

("But—")

Red put a finger to his mouth. "Shhh... No more on the matter at hand. The rest is all up to time. Now... Let's get some rest, shall we?"

Pikachu had seen enough. As Red recalled his annoyed Pokémon, he made a beeline for his bed. Red's dumbass plans never worked; the house was doomed! And tattling would make things worse; no one would believe him, he knew. He actually had something urgent and important to blab for once, but no one to tell! ...Except maybe...

He heard Red coming upstairs, burying himself under the covers. That'd hafta wait for later; telling too soon would probably screw him over. Just like the deranged Trainer, it looked like he'd hafta play the waiting game, too. He bundled up more as Red entered, innocently getting ready for bed.

Something told Pikachu this would be a loooooong wait...

_

* * *

_

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Fun Fact: I started working on this Chapter before the last one. Why anyone would care about this is beyond me._


	29. Working for the Undeniable

**_Authoress' Notes_****_:_**_ Well, it took me fucking forever, but here it is! Thank you to everyone who waited so patiently. I'm starting to get sick of these fillers, so hopefully, this'll be the last one. _

* * *

**_He Said, She Said_**

**_Chapter 29: _**_Working for the Undeniable_

* * *

Expression flat, Lucas lounged on the couch. It was barely noon and she was exhausted. She really just didn't wanna move anymore; whether it was due to fatigue from her pregnancy or just a sour mood, she wasn't sure. She'd been like this for a good 10 minutes, after Ness left for an unscheduled battle. ...He was supposed to be off and spend some time with her, but the Ice Climbers remained outta commission, so he resumed taking over for them like yesterday.

After that, she may as well've been invisible. Smashers came and went, none paying her a bit of attention as they went about their day like normal. No recognition, no curious glances, nothing. She scowled. Did they not see her laying here, expectant and forlorn? She wanted attention, dammit!

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, she finally got her wish in the form of DK and Snake.

("Hey Lucas, you moving now? We play video games!") pushed the monkey.

Mewling, she rolled over, facing the apparently newly-cleaned sofa. "...I don't want to..."

"Could you at least scoot over, then? We won't be on long," said Snake.

"...No."

He tried the magic word, knowing the troubling tone of her voice. "...Please?"

**_"No!"_** she barked. **_"Go away! Leave me alone!"_**

* * *

With that, she hurled a pillow at Snake, his reaction being a startled look and a questioning, "Ow?"

DK took this as a challenge and banged his chest. ("You throw fire! DK return fire!")

Lucas sneered. "I'd like to see you try."

Snake put a hand on his shoulder. "You know what? It's no big deal. I don't think the cartridges're even here anyway. Ike kept losing them, so I hid some in the pillows." He cautiously eyed Lucas. "...If they were still here, I would've been hit by them."

The monkey grew sad. ("Oh, so no game time for DK and snakeman?")

"Maybe not... R.O.B.'s always finding and hording games left down here, so let's go ask him."

("Yes, yes! Let's!") And off the two went, probably as fast as possible. To get away from her.

...

Enraged and distressed, she grabbed another pillow from the couch and threw it even further into the hallway. A yelp sounded from said hallway, but the blonde didn't care, huffing and turning back to bury her face in the couch again. Actually hitting someone gave her such joy... Too bad she was too pissed to express it.

Groaning, Marth rubbed his eye. "Sheesh, what was that about? Heaven help me if I've gone blind!"

"Oh, calm down. It was just a pillow, silly," scoffed Peach, rolling her eyes. Picking it up, she was shocked to see several SNES cartridges fall out its covering. Looking back from whence it came, she winced, seeing Lucas pout on the couch.

"Marth," she instructed, pushing him off, "why don't you go spar or something for a bit? We've matters at hand..."

"We've? Who's 'we'? I thought we were going to spar..."

"Maybe later. Right now, I've women matters to attend to."

"..." The swordsman looked on in horror.

"I suggest you run. Run far and run fast."

And he did, the swift sound of his now-distant steps the only thing left behind. Him now outta the way, she proceeded to approach her fellow blonde.

Clearing her throat, she casually stroked Lucas' hair. For a split second, it reminded her of Ness, causing her to jolt up in excitement. The following disappointment was almost frightening.

Peach tried not to let it startle her. "...Aw, sweetie, what's wrong? You look so sad."

"I _am_ sad," she admitted.

"But... why?"

She buried her head in the remaining cushion, mumbling, "...Peach, can you go get Ness?"

"You know I can't do that. He's busy."

"But I neeeeeeeeeed him..."

She huffed. "Oh, why? So he can sit around and ignore you all day?"

"You don't understand... Ness doesn't ignore me at all. If anything, he's the only one around here who keeps me happy..."

"Don't _we_ make you happy?" she asked, gesturing toward her and the girls.

"..."

"...Guess not."

Lucas returned to moping. "I just want someone to come to my aid whenever I need it. I want to feel like I'm important, not a burden..."

"You're not, sweetie. You know that."

_"Well, I sure feel like it! I can't do anything around here, and no one's paying attention to me! No one had time for me before, and they have even less time for me now! Is a little love so hard to ask for?"_ She went back to burying her face, probably indefinitely this time.

"So that's the problem then?"

"..."

"It's not just Ness? Just the house ignoring your needy, womanly urges?"

"..."

The princess pondered. "Hmm, I can see where you're coming from. The hustle and bustle of the house only has time for those in the fray, and you're out of it."

"..."

"In that case, I think I have an idea." She pat her head. "Hang on, I'll be right back."

"..." Oh, sure. Abandon her, too. Just like everyone else. She didn't really care anymore. Ness would be done fighting eventually. Then she'd have someone treat her with some respect, some dignity, some love...

Moments later, much to her surprise, she heard Master Hand's commanding voice. "Lucas, Peach has told me you've been feeling somewhat distraught due to your absences in battle. Is this true?"

"..."

"And you're feeling alone and forgotten? Dead weight? Useless, perhaps?"

"..."

"I see. Then this should help."

A faint tingling graced Lucas' ears as something was placed on the sofa's arm. Letting her curiosity get the best of her, she lifted her head to see a small hand bell.

"...What's this for?"

"You. I plan to make a big announcement anon that whenever this bell is rung, anyone in the vicinity is required to answer it with all speed."

"..." Puzzled, she picked it up, looking it over.

"See, sweetie? With that bell, whenever you need something, just ring it and someone'll come to help you!" chirped Peach.

"...Can it be Ness?"

"No."

She pouted. "Tch."

"As you may know, things get pretty hectic around here, so I can understand getting caught up in the hubbub. But with that bell, I promise you'll always be the center of attention," said the hand.

"...I guess it could work," muttered Lucas.

"Wonderful. Now, carry on as usual. You just stay here and... incubate."

"Uh... okay?"

"Good!" And then he disappeared because he could.

"See you later, sweetie!" waved Peach, walking off. "Have fun being the center of attention!"

Watching her prance off, Lucas looked back at the bell in her hand. Looking up, she spotted a few Smashers walk to and fro, busy with their schedules. ...After Master Hand made his announcement, she'd be the only one they'd have time for.

* * *

"...And he's just so... ugh! So undependable! Know what I mean? I mean, we've been together for years now, and Popo's never disrespected me so bad!"

Ness sighed, trudging along. He was supposed to be off today, but Nana hadn't shown up for a fight, having him hauled off to battle. This time, Popo was the culprit for filling him in, thinking he wouldn't mind, since he filled in for him and Nana yesterday. Unfortunately, Nana did show up. Seeing what he'd done, she got pissed at Popo and refused to fight, cancelling everything. The incident wasn't reported, but Nana felt inclined to apologize for her partner's stupidity. ...Thus, a rantfest was born, as was a killer headache...

"Ness, you're a boy," she went on. "Can you tell me why they're so stupid sometimes?"

His answer was gonna be "'Cuz of women," but the last thing he needed now was more pain.

"I dunno..." He rubbed his sore temples. "Maybe Popo's sorry—"

"Oh, he'll be sorry, all right! Once I get through with him—!"

**"Attention, attention!"** Master Hand commanded over an intercom.

Hearing this, Ness, Nana, and what they assumed was the rest of the house stopped in their tracks. An announcement? Were they having a drill or something?

**"Smashers around the house! I have entrusted Smasher Lucas with a way to call for any assistance if needed! All personnel are required to help if not attending a battle, due to her current somewhat-debilitating condition! She will be located in the downstairs living room, so all TV privileges belong to her until further notice! No ifs, ands, or buts! I repeat: anyone in the area when summoned by Lucas shall tend to her with all speed!"**

"He's got to be joking," scoffed Nana.

**"Failure to do so will result in... uh... well..."**

Ness stared at the speaker. "..."

**"...Some kind of serious punishment or something! So kindly take some time aside to help a Smasher in need! That is all!"** The speaker clicked off.

"See?" Nana angrily pointed at the speaker. "This is exactly what I'm talking about!"

"What does this have to do with anything you've just said?"

"I don't know, but—! It—! I—! Uggggggh!"

With that, she stormed off. Thank you, conveniently-placed announcement.

Now to go see exactly how Lucas was reacting to this. Was probably too modest to even call someone for a glass of water.

* * *

Lucas rang her bell. Falco showed up, annoyed. "Whaddya want?"

"Where's Ness?"

"How should I know?"

"Well, go get him."

"Lucas, he's probably fighting or something, okay? I can get his schedule and see where he is, but that's all."

She suddenly became indifferent. "Oh, I'm sorry. If I recall correctly, if I ring this bell, I'm entitled to get whatever I want, whenever I want, and however I want."

"Well, Master Hand didn't exactly say _that_—"

"Then go get Ness."

"I don't know where he is!"

"Then go find him!"

The feathered pilot walked off. "Ugh..."

"And you!" She pointed at a waiting Bowser. "Go get me that chocolate milkshake I asked for earlier, and make sure it has a cherry in it this time!"

"I thought you wanted bananas!" he protested.

"Am I going to have to report you?"

"Rrgghh..." He left to fetch it.

She called Wario and Kirby. "You two! Fight to the death!"

Wario scowled at the puffball. "I—!"

Kirby sucked him up, smiling. "I win! Hooray!"

As Ness arrived at the living room, he heard a faint tingling, Lucas yelling, then Link and Toon Link scrambling away.

"Uh... hey, TL," he spoke, bewildered.

"Oh, hey, Ness." He waved. "Listen, can we talk later? Lucas has us running ragged..."

"I don't hear gourmet cooking!" she called.

The shorter Link sighed. "Come on, Link. Let's go find a cookbook..."

"What the hell's a cookbook?"

...Looks like Lucas had thrown that modesty out the window... Walking in, he spotted Dedede and Pit massaging her shoulders, Ike serving as a footstool, and Jigglypuff as a makeshift pillow.

Bowser came back in with Lucas' order. "Here's your damn milkshake..."

"You took too long; I don't want it anymore." She threw the food at Kirby, who spat out Wario in exchange for the dessert. She pointed at the fat man. "Go get me a fan! I'm hot!"

"Oh, hey there you are," said Falco, coming up. "That was easy."

Ness looked up. "Huh?"

"Do us all a favor and go tell Your Highness you're here so she can shut up about you already."

"Hey man, don't be talkin' 'bout my woman, man," he snapped, turning gangsta for a second.

"..."

He walked over. "I'll see what I can do..."

"You're not rubbing hard enough... Ow! Now you're rubbing too hard! No, that's too soft! Put some muscle into it! Ouch! What're you trying to do, kill me? Softer, please..." whined Lucas at her masseuses.

The two looked pretty disgruntled, but Ness ignored them, covering the blonde's eyes from behind the couch. "Guess who?"

"What the—?" Lucas made a face. To be honest, she didn't know who it was. The voice was male, but unlike any male in the house she'd heard.

"C'mon, Lucas. Don't play dumb. You know who it is," he teased.

She really didn't, but the familiarity he seemed to have with her made her blush. He sounded like a real Casanova...

"A sexy, smooth gentleman?" she naively guessed.

"..." Almost appalled, Ness let go.

Lucas turned and smiled. "Ness!"

"Yeah." He turned his mouth up. "...You really didn't know it was me?"

"No, silly. Not with that voice. What're you trying to do, trick me?"

"Was my voice really that different?"

"Yeah, you don't hear it?"

No, but then again, he'd been speaking progressively softer and lower due to this damn headache. But not even Lucas recognized him...?

"So, why the weird voice? You okay?"

"Yeah, I've just got this killer headache..."

She softened. "Aw, really?"

"Can't explain it," he coughed, or, rather, hacked. "S'been gettin' worse..."

"So's your voice," she said, noticing its slight dip in tone. "Your laryngitis acting up again."

"Mario's just full of it," he growled. "Bet he got his PhD from a cereal box..."

Lucas sensed sourness, so she snapped her fingers. "Everyone! Clear the room, please. Ness and I need some alone time." Ike started to get up when she stopped him. "Except you, you stay."

"Ugh..." He hung his head.

Ness watched the group grumble and dissipate. "Looks like you've got everyone wrapped around your finger, huh?"

"Now what on Earth gave that idea?"

He surveyed the scene. The room was littered with junk food wrappers and plates and glasses thrown or dropped in disdain, not to mention all the furniture in the room had either gone missing or been rearranged. Meanwhile, Lucas was situated on the couch in such a way that looked so sweet and conniving, he wouldn't be surprised if she schemed this.

He turned his nose up. "...Lucas, don'tcha think you're taking this catering crap a bit too far?"

She scowled. "No! You said it yourself the other day, Ness; I practically have the whole house in my hands!"

"Well, yeah, but I didn't except you to take advantage of it..."

"Hold on to that thought." She rang the bell, summoning a disgruntled Ganondorf. "Go get Ness here a comfy armchair. There's one in the foyer, I think."

"Fine..." He slumped off.

Curious, Ness eyed her. "...?"

She rang the bell again, bringing forth R.O.B. "Make yourself useful and go get Ness some root beer."

"ROOT BEER FOR SMASHER NESS. YES, WITH ALL SPEED," he responded, whirring away.

"..."

She smirked at Ness. "Think I'm taking it too far now?"

"..." Frankly, he was speechless.

At that moment, Ganondorf lugged back a red armchair, dropping it adjacent to the couch. "Here," he flatly said.

"Go on, have a seat!" Lucas pat the chair. "And I'll even get Mr. Dark Lord to bring you a plate full of big, juicy steaks."

At the delicacy's mentioning, Ness softened a bit. "...For real?"

"Yes, yes! As a matter of fact..." She tinkled the bell. "Ness, I want you to sit down in that chair and enjoy yourself."

"Oh, wow," he joked. "You think I can do that? Sounds pretty hard..."

"Oh, of course you can! No one else can do it but you."

Taking her up on that, he flopped into the chair, kicking his legs up. Lucas' grin widened, making Ness grin back.

"Anything else you want?"

"…A pillow. Kinda uncomfortable over here."

"Sure." The bell tingled, a pillow was brought. "Comfy?"

Ness snuggled into the cushion, but made a face. He looked to the blonde. ...She sure did look lonely over there.

...

"Actually... can you call Ganondorf back? I don't wanna sit here anymore."

"Oh, okay." She rang the bell. "What, you want a beanbag chair or something?"

"Not exactly." He walked over and got comfy on the sofa. "...I wanna sit here now."

"Really? Here? With me? Ooh, you must've read my mind! I was so lonely over here!"

Huh. That's funny; he almost thought the same thing. ...He rubbed his head as it throbbed again.

She pointed to Sonic, who'd just walked in. "Bring a blanket, get rid of this armchair, and I want more ice cream. Chocolate chip with scrambled eggs this time. And make it fast; there's no excuse for you."

"...Ask him to bring some steak, too..." sheepishly asked Ness.

"Yeah, you heard the man! Go!"

"Uh, we made a pizza," said Toon Link, he and Link coming back, wearing singed aprons. "Is that gourmet?"

"No, but that's great! Put it on the table and me and Ness'll get it." She glared back over the couch. "And where's that fan I asked for? Don't make me call someone else to get it, then beat you up, Wario!"

* * *

Hours passed, Smashers were commanded, food was thrown, and said Smashers were yelled at by Lucas. It was great watching her turn so manic then returning to her gentle state in regards to him. He still had this stupid headache, though, and had taken to resting his head against her hip. Every once in a while, she scratched his head, easing the pain a bit. She may as well've been a villainess, and he her evil cat. But as long as they kept the steak and junk food coming, that was fine by him.

Before he knew it, he was informed the late shift was about, meaning it was nighttime now. Didn't really matter or change much, other than the fights on TV. He stretched and yawned. Yes, actually laying around and shooting the breeze with Lucas was actually tiring. Well, with the migraine, anyway...

Hearing him grumble softly, Lucas rubbed his head. "Still not feeling any better?"

"No..." He closed his eyes.

She rang the bell. "Can I get some aspirin and water in here?"

Some was brought to Ness, who took a handful. "If these don't work soon, call someone to get an ice pack... and some cake."

"Oooh, that sounds yummy..." She rang her bell, seemingly calling Popo. "Hey Popo, can you go get me and Ness some cake? We don't know what kind, so just keep bringing them until we choose."

"Sorry, maybe later," he answered, forlorn. "I'm too busy trying to kill myself." He held up a piece of paper. "I was gonna write a suicide note, but I just remembered I'm not illiterate."

"You mean you _are_ illiterate," corrected Lucas.

"Oh, what does it matter now? Nana hates my guts and she never wants to see me again, so I'll be doing us both a favor."

"Yeah, knock yourself out," said Ness, half-asleep. If Popo couldn't write a suicide note, he sure as hell couldn't kill himself.

The lone climber sighed. "All right then. You guys were great, so I guess I'll be seeing ya... Goodbye, cruel world!"

Sitting down, he then displayed what had to be the greatest show of stupidity in tying the rope to a chair leg and yanking it out from underneath him. Falling flat on his ass, he lay motionless on the ground, looking up at the ceiling.

Ness furiously massaged his brow. "Nobody saw that, right?"

"Think we should check on him?" asked Lucas. "That looked like it hurt."

"What did? I was sleeping," he feigned.

The blonde smacked her lips and, being the sensitive gal she was, stood to go see if the dumbass was okay.

Concerned, she hovered over him. "Popo? You all right?"

In seeing this, his face expressed flatness, then annoyance, perplexity, and finally content. Finally, he flashed a dopey grin.

"Wow, an angel! Aw, you're so pretty. You look like a girl I used to know!" Suddenly puzzled, he asked, "Am I dead?"

"Yes," flatly answered Ness.

Lucas scoffed and said, "No, Popo. You're still here."

Saddened, he sat up. "What went wrong? I thought I did everything right... Lucas, can you help me out here?"

"Popo, killing yourself isn't going to make Nana forgive you any faster. Only time can do that."

"Well, it's been too long already! Time needs to hurry up!"

"That's not how things work. If you want Nana to forgive you, just be you. You're trying too hard to be something else, and that's pushing her away."

"Oh no! You mean I'm not Popo anymore?"

"Okay, I have an idea." She pulled him close and whispered softly to him. After she finished, she pulled away with smile.

Popo looked astonished. "Think that'll really work?"

"If you do it like I told you, yes."

"Well, it may be crazy enough to work." He stood. "Guess I'll try it. Can't make Nana hate me even more, right? ...At least I hope not..."

This predicament no longer concerned Ness, so he went back to concentrating on getting some shuteye. That is, until Lucas gently poked him.

"Ness?"

"...What?" he moaned.

"Since I'm up, I need to use the bathroom, okay? Be back in a second." She walked away.

"Yeah..." he painfully hissed, still holding his aching head. It'd been getting worse all of a sudden—_Speak of the devil, it freakin' hurt!_

He jolted straight up, curling up in a considerable amount of pain while holding his head to ride it out. It took a second for the pain to fully register, but once it did, holy damn, did it hurt. He didn't even know what the hell happened...

Finally, the hot throbbing in his skull began to subside, bringing a sigh of relief. Downing some more pills, he tried concentrating on dozing off when a faint voice reverberated in his head.

_"Man, that Lucas..." _

Ness perked up. ...What was that? Sounded like Ike, who'd been relieved of his footstool duties a few hours ago. Turning around on the couch, he saw he was right. The swordsman slumped by, struggling to crack his back in shape.

_"Worse idea ever. Where does MH come up with this stuff? Yeah, a giant, disembodied, floating hand is really the best choice in running this place. Who's idea was that?"_

Well, Ike complaining was nothing outta the ordinary; what bothered Ness was that his mouth wasn't moving. ...How was he hearing him if he wasn't talking...?

Ike spotted him watching, but said nothing. Yet, Ness could still hear his voice.

_"And him. Ugh, he's just piggybacking off this ridiculousness... I thought we were supposed to be helping Lucas, not her little snot-nosed deadbeat."_

"Yeah, try saying that to my face!" Ness challenged.

"..." Ike stared stupid.

"..." The psychic stared him down.

The swordsman scoffed and shook his head, leaving. Ness blinked. That confirmed it.

He could now read minds.

* * *

Lucas sighed and stretched as she exited the bathroom, feeling much, much better. It was nice to walk around and get on her feet a little. The bathroom was near the patio and someone hadn't closed the curtain, allowing the moonlight to softly light the otherwise-pitch black scene. She couldn't help but go out and perch on the railing to admire it.

She was in the midst of daydreaming in the peaceful scene and warm might when something caught her eye. In front of the moon, a shadow of some sort appeared, flapping its wings. It looked kinda like Charizard, so maybe he was out enjoying the evening, too. Maybe she could even ask him for a nighttime ride, and Ness, too, if his headache was better. She waited patiently for him land so she could ask of this, as well as thank him properly for what happened the other day.

...But as "Charizard" neared the house, Lucas began to feel uneasy. She didn't remember him being so big... and fast...

...And... dark...?

...

She reeled back in horror as it shattered her intentions with an ear-splitting shriek.

...This thing was not Charizard.

Turning on her heel, she ran, or quickly waddled, back into the house. This day had been so nice! Why, of all times, would a... a demon or whatever wanna attack now?

Excited to share his discovery with someone, Ness appeared on the scene and waited for Lucas to take forever in the bathroom so he could spill the good news. No sooner had he arrived, he spotted the blonde slamming the glass door to the patio shut, panting like she just ran a marathon.

"Lucas? What're you doing out there—" He shook it off. "Whatever. Hey, guess what?"

"N-Ness! G-get away from here!" she cried, scrambling towards him. "T-there's a monster out there...!"

"Who, Red?"

But no, the "monster" wasn't Red and, for once, Ness almost wished it was. A large, purple, scaly claw shattered the sliding door glass and grabbed Lucas. It shrieked in victory as it claimed her.

_"Ness, don't let him take me!"_

He leapt into action and grabbed the large claw as it tried to pull the bawling Lucas away. Its arm stuck, the monster growled in confusion and shook its fist to try and get free. If this didn't kill either of them, Ness predicted whiplash.

_"Ness!"_ Lucas screamed again. **_"Help me! I don't want to die! Don't let him take me away!"_**

"What'd you—ugh!—Even do anyway?" he struggled, teeth grit.

**_"N-nothing! It just—! And I—!"_**

A sharp jerk yanked her away, but Ness latched back on and gave a hefty pull, slamming the monster's body into the door from outside. ...Huh, didn't know his own strength.

Lucas tried wiggling out, but only succeeded in causing the monster to tighten its grip, making her yelp. Desperate, she freed her arms and grabbed Ness, her nails sinking into his arms.

"Ow!" That didn't exactly help his concentration.

_"Ness...!"_ Tears poured from her eyes as his strength began to falter. _"I...I can't... hold on—!"_

He wanted to attack this thing, but doing so required both hands, and letting Lucas go would be it. He frantically scanned the area for something—anything—he could use to maybe divert its attention. His feet began to crush some shattered glass from the door, signifying they were slowly being pulled outside. ...Narrowing his eyes, he got an idea.

Looking straight at Lucas, he relaxed his grip, letting the monster gradually drag her out.

**_"Ness? What're you doing? Grab me!"_**

"..." The capped boy remained steady and stern as both were carefully pulled toward the shattered door. A huge yellow pupil peeked through to see its prize; just what Ness was waiting for.

As soon he got within reaching distance, Ness kicked up some loose glass into the creature's eye. It let out a shriek of pain as it threw Lucas down, claws to it face in pain. Unable to rake the shards from its pupil, the monster screeched and shrieked, blindly flying off into the night in painful defeat.

Wordlessly, the two exchanged glances at each other. "..."

Hearing the commotion, Pikachu toddled in. ("Guys, seriously. If you're gonna screw, do it in your room. You broke the damn door, for crying out loud!")

_"For your information, Pikachu, I was just attacked by a monster!"_ Lucas snapped.

("UGH! NO!") The mouse gagged. ("Do NOT go into detail!")

Ness kicked him. "Shut up."

"And Ness..." she seethed. "That had to've been the **_stupidest_** idea I have **_ever_** seen!"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"Yes, but—! You—It—! I could've been—!" Her lip trembled. "I-I was so scared..."

"Well, don't be," he assured. "He's just lucky he didn't come in here, or else I woulda ripped him a new one. ...Y'know what? That's probably why he _didn't_ come in; too afraid to face me."

Lucas sniffled, but smiled. "R-really?"

Pikachu rolled his eyes. ("Oh, brother.")

"Yes." Ness made a face. "But seriously, this is the second time in two days you were almost eaten by something. Please don't tell me you're gonna be a damsel in distress for a living."

She plaintively rubbed her stomach. "I can't help but be a damsel in distress in this condition, Ness..."

Well, he couldn't really argue with that...

She sheepishly gnawed her lip. "After all that, I'm guessing your headache finally cleared up?"

"Yeah, not my voice, though." He cleared his throat. "Think I'll need something stronger for that..."

Pikachu flattened his ears. ("Oh, for the love of—Ness, it's called puberty, all right? I can't believe it's taken you this long to notice, I can't believe Mario told you it was laryngitis, I can't believe you _thought_ it was laryngitis, and can't believe no else has said anything. Just how dumb are you?")

"...Oh." He looked on blankly. "...I knew that."

"Yay for you, Ness!" cheered Lucas. Her face then fell. "...Although, I don't know if it's that big of a deal now. This has been going on for months, right?"

"Well, yeah, but this was the final, uh, part of it," he lied. "'Cuz that headache I had earlier was for a reason."

"Oh?"

"Yeah! I forgot to tell you!" He grinned. "Luke, guess what?"

She mirrored his stupid grin. "You hit puberty?"

"No—!" He facepalmed. "Well, yes, but in addition to that, I've learned how to read minds!"

("Buuuuuuuuull...") Pikachu droned.

Lucas seemed skeptical. "How do you know?"

"Think of something and I'll prove it."

"Um, okay..." She stopped talking while Ness stared into her soul. It would've been creepy if she wasn't so smitten with him.

_"...Aw, silly Ness," _came her thoughts._ "He knows he can't read minds. He used to complain about not being able to all the time. He must be in denial. Maybe I'll lie and just say whatever he thought I was thinking was right. He needs such an ego boost."_

Ness pouted. "I _can_ read minds, and I _don't_ need an ego boost!"

The blonde gasped. "...! I didn't mean it like that! I—Wh—You _did_ read my mind..."

("Buuuuuuuuull—") Pikachu droned.

Ness shot a glare at him. It was against all he stood for but...

_("Look at him. The living embodiment of failure. Why the hell's he staring at me like that? Take a picture, ass; it'll last longer. Why am I still even here? ...Oh yeah.")_

Suddenly, Pikachu's face softened. ("Uh, hey loser. I need to speak with you.") He looked to Lucas. ("In private.")

"Bite me."

"Wow, Ness. This is really amazing," giggled Lucas, tugging on him. "Just think of all the cool things you can do now!"

"And the blackmail," he chuckled.

("Dude, I really need to tell you something.")

"No."

Lucas pawed at the floor. "So what are we going to do about this mess?"

Ness looked around. "What mess?"

"...The mess right he—" She then caught on. "Ohhhhhh. I see."

("So I guess you _don't_ care that Red's trying to do you in, and the thing that attacked Blondie here was probably trying to get you?") spat the Pokémon.

Ness snorted. "To reiterate you earlier, buuuuuuuull—"

("Quit it, I'm being serious here. I know; I'm scared, too.")

"That's nice." He nudged Lucas. "C'mon, let's gtfo before whatever that was comes back..."

"But I thought you were going to rip it a new one if it came in here."

"Well, I kinda already did, and it's one per customer, so..." He gently scooted her off.

From behind, Pikachu shook his head. He didn't yell anything stupid or demeaning at the two, but what went through his mind troubled Ness even more...

_("I had a feeling you wouldn't listen to me, Ness. Now there'll be Hell-and-a-half to pay...")_

As Ness guided Lucas upstairs, neither was aware of a figure and his Ivysaur in the shadows...

* * *

A button was pushed on the panel, the bright screen highlighting the room like it did last night. Four shadows appeared again, as well. Red faced them with a scowl.

The dragon's shadow snarled. "...You do realize I'm going to have to kill you, right?"

"After that failure, I doubt you have the balls..."

_"That's it, Trainer boy!"_ it snarled. _"The deal's off!"_

"What? Why?"

_"I almost lost my eye because of you!"_

"That's not my fault! I told you to wait until I called back! How the hell did you guys get through the barrier, anyway?"

("Well, we got up with the boss, and he was able to bring it down just long enough for one of us to get through,") explained the long figure.

"You told him my plan?" Red roared. "That was supposed to be a secret!"

("We gave him the abridged version, and we didn't tell him you thought of it.")

"Master be very mad if we working with enemy!" said the least-intelligent monster.

"Well," snorted the crab-like shadow, "according our own sources here, things didn't go as planned..."

"They most certainly did not."

"And why's that?"

"'cuz I didn't think you were gonna capture her in broad daylight!"

("Well, in our defense, we did it at night...") input the stringy monster.

"Look, you said you wanted her kidnapped; you didn't say how," continued the crab.

"I also didn't want anyone to _see_ you! That kinda ruins the purpose, doesn't it?"

"If no one saw us, then they wouldn't know she was kidnapped!"

"Ever think of a ransom note?"

"I thought you didn't want anyone to know we stole her!"

Red facepalmed. "Bottom line, change of plans. Just leave Lu—ana alone for now and focus on Ness."

"We don't kidnap dudes. That's beyond gay," scoffed the crab.

"I don't want you to kidnap him; I want you to get rid of him!"

_"No! The deal's off! Do it your own damn self!"_ barked the dragon.

The crab ignored him. "Ooh, can we do that in public, or drag him into a bathroom stall and clonk him over the head with a rusty wrench?"

"I don't care how, just do it! ...But not before I send him to you."

"And how's that gonna work? 'Hey Ness, there's a pack of villains outside who want you dead. Mind going out there so they can shank you?'"

The Trainer sneered. "Y'know, all this mindless arguing just means more time wasted on your part. I have backup people who can do this and make it look like an accident. You need me more than I need you!"

"...Come again?"

"Are you still in this or not?"

"Maybe if you'd actually tell us what we're supposed to be doing, we could do it! This has to be the most jacked up plan ever!"

"It wouldn't be if you'd listen!"

"For you to kinda, sorta, maybe tell us what we're do... Sometimes?"

_"I say we come eat him and just run amuck ourselves!" _hissed the dragon.

"Okay, okay, fine! I'll be more specific this time." He looked them square in the eyes. "All I want is for Ness to be outta the picture and Lu—ana held hostage. I don't care how you get rid of him, just do it. But _don't_ come here to do it; I will send him to you. And don't ask how, that's classified information. _Then_ you can come and take Lana."

The crab sighed. "And how much longer do we hafta wait?"

"That hasn't been confirmed yet. I'll tell you in advance once I find out, though."

"That doesn't even make sense!" the dragon barked. "I told you trusting this guy was a bad idea! _If I go blind, kid, you're dead!"_

"Look, I got an idea, but it's not gonna work unless you guys gimme a chance!"

_"We **have**!"_ they roared.

"Well, you messed it up, so now we gotta start over! If Ness goes missing too soon, everyone'll be in a tizzy to find him and I won't have time to split 'em for you. We need to... distance him from the rest; pick him out, see? In a few months' time, there'll be a certain... ceremony. There's gonna be even more hubbub than usual, and once he gets lost in the confusion, I'll drive Ness out to you." He grinned. "Get my drift?"

"That's not what you said last time! Maybe the next plan of this plan is to stop _changing_ the plan!" complained the crab.

"Well, it's what I'm saying now, so don't make a move until I tell you to! Got it?"

"Ugh..." Utterly defeated and at his mercy, the shadows had no other choice.

The dragon seemingly facepalmed. "...Fine, we'll wait. But please try and keep up with us from time to time. We can't contact you from over here, and I wouldn't be surprised if it slipped your mind..."

He gave a menacing smile. "Heh, don't worry. We'll get Ness yet."

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes: WELL, BALLS!** Also with the headache before he became a mind reader was a nod to Mother 3 when you get fevers before learning a new skill. See what I did there?_


	30. 29 and a Half: The Undeniable Makeup

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ This Chapter is solely made to tie up some loose ends between Nana and Popo, since the real, REAL shit hits the fan next time. So... expect nothing interesting this time around._

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 29½: **__The Undeniable Makeup_

* * *

Nana heard the commotion from near the living room; shattered glass, followed by a myriad of screams, then sudden silence.

...Nothing outta the ordinary there.

Her company, in the form of King Dedede, took more notice, but simply scoffed and followed. "...Like I was saying, great Sandbag pummeling out there. You even beat your high score by a few inches."

"Home-Run Contests are usually best with two people, after all." Nana knew the second she said that, she shouldn't have, pouting afterwards.

"Yeah, but really! Did you see Sandbag? That thing flew! I didn't think he was ever coming back down."

"Took him, like, 10 days, but he did eventually, I guess..." she muttered.

To be honest, Nana wasn't really into the conversation anymore. Nor had she given it her all in the Home-Run Contest. In fact, she'd been slowly becoming less distraught with Popo's nonsense and more lonely without it. Dedede probably knew this too, but she still wanted to be mad about something, so bring this up was pretty moot. She just wanted Popo to be suffering as much as she was, and as selfish as this sounded, at least she had good reasoning... Right?

"Nana?"

"..." Upon hearing her name, she perked up, then scowled as she saw who it was.

"..." Popo stood at the end of the hallway, shuffling about. He was hiding something behind his back and gnawing his lip, eyes darting back from Nana to the floor.

Despite her excitement to see him, she covered it up with disappointment, blowing out an exasperated, "What is it _now_, Popo?"

"Nana, please listen to me..." he mewled. "How many times do I hafta say I'm sorry? I'm over Lucas, I swear. Can't we just start over... please? I... I even made you a present."

When Popo "made" things, it was almost always a disaster. ...And judging from the dripping on the carpet behind him, it wasn't gonna be pretty.

"No thanks," she refused.

He showed it anyway. "Can't you at least look at it...?"

Before Nana had time to respond, he'd pulled out his gift; an icy, horrendous sculpture of unholy proportions. Popo had obviously been banging and crafting this thing for hours; too bad it was such a monstrosity. It was was rapidly melting too, leaking everywhere like a busted ice pack.

The female looked down in disgust. "...What on Earth is that?"

"Lucas said in order to win you over, I needed to give you something from the bottom of my heart, but I think that would kill me, so..." He held it up pitifully. "It's a spleen, made from a Freezie."

"..."

Dedede raised an eyebrow. "..."

"I spent all night making it, and I think my fingers died halfway through, but if you forgive me, maybe they'll come back..." He lowered his head in shame. An awkward silence would've made itself known, but it was too busy facepalming.

"...Popo, that has to be the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," berated Nana.

His face fell. "B-but..."

She softened. "Which is exactly what drew me to you in the first place."

"Huh?"

Nana looked at the penguin, who looked back at her. Unbeknownst to Popo, they smirked.

"...Y'know, Nana," said the king, feigning indifference, "perhaps this whole hanging around with you isn't working anymore. I mean, if you're into stuff like... _that_."

"Yeah, I feel like we've kind of... drifted apart."

"Not to mention, I have a kingdom to rule, food to steal, and Kirby to pummel. Let's face it; you're not cut out for my type of lifestyle." He shrugged. "No offense, but I don't think this'll work."

"Guess we should've considered the long-term effects of this..." She also shrugged. "I was just hanging out with you to make Popo jealous, but this proves he doesn't even know the meaning of the word."

By now, Popo was beyond confused. "Wait, what word? Huh? What's going on?"

Dedede hoisted his hammer onto his shoulder in a huff. "So be it then; you go off and get back with this weirdo already so he can stop embarrassing the both of you, and I can get back to doing what I want for a change. ...But can we still have another Home-Run Contest tomorrow? You're way better than Kirby in hammering, especially since he's probably just copying me."

"Sure. You mind Popo coming along?" she smiled slightly at him. This startled the other Climber, as he was too dense to see what she was getting at.

"Nah, why not? The more the merrier, I always say." Seemingly glad to be free of Nana and all this nonsense together, he pranced off, twirling his mallet about in glee. "You just make sure you're ready, 'cuz tomorrow, we're gonna get hammered!"

Popo's face saddened as Dedede left. Unable to catch the subtle tones of their conversation, he had no clue as to what just happened. "...Nana, I'm confused."

"Good," she curtly answered.

He presented the spleen again. "...So, do you accept my apology now?"

"Yes, Popo," she answered, trying not to laugh as she took the spleen. "I do, and in probably the most literal way ever. Only someone with your brains could make this as a form of apology."

"Oh no!" He grabbed the sides of his head. "Now I hafta to sculpt a brain, too? But that one took hours...!"

"No, Popo, that's not what I mean-" She struggled not to facepalm, instead, directing him towards their room. "...Let's just... Let's just go to bed for tonight; no more thinking for you for at least 12 hours."

* * *

Ness couldn't sleep; he was too pumped up after the fight with the monster downstairs. He wanted to fight someone now! Unfortunately, it was past curfew, so all fights had ended for the day. He took to pummeling his pillow instead, which was kinda annoying the much sleepier, more frightened Lucas.

"Ness, could you please...?" she whined. "I'm trying to sleep... I suggest you do the same..."

"But Lucas, did you see what I did to that thing? I mean, really, I kinda really wish he had come in here, 'cuz I woulda finished him off for sure." He punched his pillow.

"Wel, if you haven't already noticed, I'm still a little uneasy after that..." She stuffed her head underneath her pillow. "And you're not making things better..."

"What do you have to worry about? You got me here to protect you," Ness gloated, still wrestling his cushion. "I mean, I'm like, the ultimate bodyguard after that!"

"Don't flatter yourself..." She groaned.

Ness proceeded to stop listening to her complaining and bounce on his bed. If only he could have one quick fight with someone, he think he'd calm down. Hell, he didn't even care if he won or not; he was just raring to go!

His last spurt of eagerness was a bit too much for his mattress, as he bounced off it a bit too hard, sending him across the room and almost into a wall.

Annoyed, Lucas jerked up. "Ness, stop, okay? If you do that one more time, I'm going to Peach's!"

Reeling from the impact, Ness decided maybe it was time to knock it off for the night. Now he was feeling a bit sheepish. "Okay, okay, fine. Don't get your panties in knot, heh."

"I'm going to put _you_ in a knot if you don't quit," she growled.

Her threat fell on deaf ears as Ness suddenly found the Smash Calender above him more interesting. Like any regular calender, it also had important days noted from the get-go, as well as special Smash events, like birthdays, celebrations for this tourney only. Outta curiosity, he flipped through it, noting extra memos and things scribbled across the weeks by none other than Lucas. Flipping two months forward, he saw where Lucas had circled a date with the words, "Baby gets here!" excitedly highlighting it. That wasn't what bugged him most, though; what really bothered him was, the next week or so after that, the calendar officially stated, on the 25th, the tourney's Closing Ceremony was being held. ...The following day, everyone would be sent home.

...

"Lucas?" he queitly asked.

"What?" came her irritated tone.

"How far along are you?"

She softened at this question, albeit shocked at it. Regardless, she sweetly rocked her tummy. "I'm about 32 weeks along now. Why?"

Ness counted on his fingers, coming to a startling realization. "...How long have we been here?"

"Here? In the house?" She pondered. "...Um."

"Had it ever occurred to you that one day... we're gonna be leaving?"

"...Leaving?"

"The tournament was only supposed to last for 30 months... We're almost into the 29th month..."

"..." Her face paled.

"Lucas, not long after you have this kid," he added, "we're gonna hafta say goodbye..."

"...What?"

"The calendar says so, and I guess I just noticed..."

Chills ran down Lucas' spine as this hit her like a ton of bricks. So long had she been wrapped in the chaotic nirvana of Smash Mansion, she'd come to know it as home.

But it wasn't... And sooner or later, she'd be leaving it.

She knew they couldn't stay forever, but the thought hadn't crossed her mind in ages... Like back when she really hated this place and didn't know her schedules. Back when finding the right dorm, let alone, anywhere, proved near-impossible without guidence. Back when she first met Ness and disappointed him with her meek outlook and passive attitude. Back when... she first developed a bit of a crush on him.

Ness could see her shock turn to desperation, going over to console her. "Look, don't panic. I didn't mean to-"

She shook her head in disbelief. "N-no... Ness, no... That's not fair..."

"Lucas..."

She began to get choked up. "No, Master Hand... He can't do that... There has to be a rule or something..."

"Luke, take it easy, okay?"

_"No!"_ She grabbed him, as if pleading for him to change it. "Ness, no! He can't do that! He can't!"

"It's the rules, Luke..." he soothed.

"Well, can't he change them or something?"

"You know he can't..."

At this point, arguing, as well as talking, proved impossible for Lucas. Ness watched as she teared up, grimaced, and flung herself into him, sobbing. She didn't bother pleading, ignoring, or lashing out him; what was the point? It wouldn't change anything, and conversely, probably make things worse.

All she could do was cry.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Lol sad._


	31. Marrying the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes:** Okay, so here's the deal. Upon completing this Chapter, I've come to the sudden conclusion I need to update my other ongoing fics, as well as do a few one-shots. To all those who've been so patient and dealing with me only focusing on this crackfest, I apologize. After this Chapter, this story will be on hiatus until next year. Again, so sorry. :P_

* * *

_**He Said, She Said**_

_**Chapter 30: **Marrying the Undeniable_

* * *

Explosions were fun.

That was Ness' thought for the day, 'cuz it was true, especially after playing hot potato with a Sticky Bomb, that eventually blew Falco outta the fray and into second place. And the best part? Red came in dead last, where he belonged.

"Hey Ness," greeted Toon Link, upon his exit. "Nice fight back there. You don't usually do well in Coin Matches, do you?"

"Don't see how anyone's good with it," he responded. "Money and people flying everywhere; it's stupid. Stuff's not even legal tender."

"We get paid in our respective currency when the tourney ends, so it's more of a novelty than anything." He paused. "Speaking of which, the CC's are coming up, you know."

"TL, don't bring that up..." Ness muttered.

Toon Link shrugged. "But Ness, you need to get ready for it, whether you want to or not. Lack of preparation counts for serious punishment-"

_"I know that!"_ he snapped.

"..." The little swordsman's eyes widened, a tinge of fear in his expression.

Seeing this, the psychic softened. "...Sorry."

"It's okay. You're just a little upset, I know."

"Aren't you? Isn't everyone?"

"I guess you could say that," he sighed. "Scuffles aren't breaking out as much anymore... Everything's starting to wind down."

"Figured as much." His mouth turned up as he looked away. "Lucas reminds me everyday."

"She's still in a slump, huh?"

"More or less. I can tell she's just trying to hide it... but she breaks down and cries sometimes..."

Toon Link put a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, after Lucas has the baby, maybe you should talk things over with MH. I'm sure he'll do something."

"Lucas and I live eras apart, TL. The hell can he do? She and I were never even meant to meet..."

"Neither was most of the house."

"But they aren't having kids with someone they never shoulda known..."

Toon Link sighed, not sure of what to say at this point. They both knew he was right, which made things all the more hopeless. Ness read his expression, turning away.

"...I'll see ya later, TL..." He walked off.

"Yeah. See you, Ness."

The CC's, or Closing Ceremonies, were the beginning of the end of the Smash Tourney. Having to go through two of them before, Ness was more than familiar with the specifics. Basically, the CC's were a huge all-day ceremony celebrating everything Smash; past, present, and future. Speeches by everyone in the house were required and had to be earnest and heartfelt, as well as dedications, awards, and all that other bull crap.

After that, the rest of the day would consist of an ongoing party circled around the CC Tournament. Yeah, get a load of that; a tournament within a tournament. It was nothing special, really. Just an elimination tourney where the winner would have bragging rights to last until the next official Smash, well, tourney. ...Yeah, it sounded stupid, but was fun as hell.

In-tourney tourneys were usually held on special holidays or Smashers' birthdays where they were excluded, everyone else's carnage being their "present". But that was besides the point...

Two weeks. Counting today, they had two weeks until the CC's, then a day of great sorrow and regret as Master Hand would send them home.

He couldn't believe it, honestly. Hands in his pockets, he donned a somber attitude as he causally strolled about the foyer. He looked up and around it, seemingly in awe. He'd run through this place almost every day, sometimes mad, sometimes excited, sometimes forlorn. It was like the den of a house he'd moved into after becoming so accustomed to an old one. It was so big and grandiose, yet buried in the daily madness of the house. ...It would be missed.

He walked along the hallway, slowing to make quick glances in the doorways. They all led to so many different places with so many purposes and shortcuts... The walls were covered in photos of Brawls, Smashers, and the craziest of the crazy antics captured on film. It was like a stroll down memory lane, and a bittersweet one at that.

Whipping around a hallway, Ness found himself in the living room, perhaps the most sacred room in the house. So many nights of late gaming, matinees, messy meals and spilled drinks... Several people, monsters, and animals crammed around that one wide-screen TV, craving entertainment, whether it be from the TV or amongst themselves. He never thought about them so fondly until today.

The whole house was an Escehr painting... But it was home.

Lucas wasn't in their room, he just knew it. It was like he didn't sense her presence upstairs, despite not having the PSI to do so. She probably didn't feel like talking much, anyway. The CC's rapidly approaching made her flustered and upset, as well as suffer rolling nausea from the anxiety. Stress was the last thing she needed. She was due in a few days, but it'd be no surprise or harm if she went into labor early; she _was_ full term, after all.

Despite Lucas not in their dorm, he found himself upstairs anyway, as if drawn there by some unknown force. He meandered around, thinking on leaving Lucas alone for now and taking a nap, when the oh-so-familiar sound of women squabbling caught his ear.

* * *

"Lucas, please?"

"No."

"For us?"

"No."

"But it's for your own good."

"No."

Peach sighed, disgruntled. "Sweetie, don't you want to check on the baby? You're nearly due, and you don't know a thing about it."

She massaged her large stomach. "The baby's fine, I know. Call it a sixth sense, but I know."

"Aw, come oooon. What're you afraid of? All Mario is going to do is some checkups and an ultrasound."

"...Ultrasound? What's that? Sounds painful..."

Zelda facepalmed. "She doesn't even _know_ what one is?"

"An ultrasound is when they take a look at the baby in you. They can show you things like what it looks like and even its gender," explained Peach. "It's like an X-ray, but for your insides, not bones."

Lucas panicked. "What's an X-ray? All this stuff sounds scary!"

Samus also facepalmed. "..."

"Peach, let it go. It's not like we can force her," said the other princess. "She's been refusing since the beginning."

"Look, I know you're trying to help," said Lucas, "but I didn't really come from a very technologically-enhanced place... Actually, I think technology is the root of all evil."

"That's true," said Zelda. "She did kind of come from the boonies."

The sitting blonde scowled, offended. "They're not 'the boonies'! We just don't need this junk! Nature takes care of it all. It did before we had technology, and it will long after we lose it."

"I see you're not going to change your mind anytime soon," sighed Peach.

"No." Lucas crossed her arms. "My mother had me _au natural_, and so will I."

"So you know what 'au natural' means, but not what an X-ray does?"

"..."

"Well then, Miss Sixth Sense, how do you feel about the baby? Know its gender? Its size? Any features it has?"

Lucas blushed, rubbing herself again. "As a matter of fact, I do. I know it'll be strong, loving, and sweet, just like its father."

"That's not exactly pertaining to features..." Peach groaned, rubbing her temples.

"I know its gender," someone scoffed. Everyone already knew the voice, but turned anyway to see Ness leaning against the doorway. He looked particularly smug.

"Hi, Ness!" squealed Lucas, as derpy as ever.

"You do, now?" asked Samus.

"Yup. S'gonna be a boy. I know."

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "...And exactly _how_ do you know?"

"M'psychic."

Peach yanked on her hair. **"UGGGGGGGH! But that's not enough proooooooof!"**

"Don't care; I know it's gonna be a boy. I don't have girly seeds."

"Ness, do you even know what determines the gender?"

"Who cares?"

"Males give off X and Y chromosomes, while females only give off X's. XY's make boys and XX's make girls, so technically, you do have, as you say, 'girly seeds'."

"I give only Y's then."

_**"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"**_

He grinned. "Sure I can. I ain't got girly seeds."

Lucas slowly hoisted herself from sitting. "Come on, Ness. Let's not add fuel to the fire. I..." She made a face, embarrassed. "...I can't get up..."

"Oh! Sorry, Lucas," Zelda apologized as she helped her to her feet. "Maybe we should stop this badgering and just let Lucas rest for now. We'll know everything about the baby soon, girls."

Peach pouted. "I still think this is unethical, but fine..."

"And Lucas, make sure you don't misplace your bell." Samus was referring to the one Master Hand gave her some months ago. Lucas now wore it around her neck like she was a lost lamb or something. Ness found it stupidly cute. "If you go into labor and no one's around, you'll be up the creek without it."

"I won't," obediently assured her fellow blonde.

She then turned to Ness and slowly waddled over. He struggled not to grin at this; she looked really cute when she waddled...

"And how're you, this morning?" she cooed, embracing him.

"Lacking oxygen," came his muffled voice.

"Oh, you're so silly," she giggled. "I'm not hugging that hard and you know it."

"I beg to differ..." Okay, so he was lying, but showing actual emotion with a pregnant girl in front of three women was almost suicide.

Just then, Luigi ran in. "Ness! Ness! Hey Ness! Has anyone seen Ness lately?"

"Dude, I'm right here," he responded, still locked in Lucas' clutches.

"Oh, Lucas' here, too? Great! Master Hand wants to see you two immediately."

Ness slowly pulled away from a suddenly worried Lucas. "...Why?"

"I'm not at liberty to say," he shrugged. "Just meet him out on the front lawn, ASAP."

...That didn't sound good.

* * *

Ness gnawed his lip as he and Lucas exited and huge, fancy door to the house. Unfortunately for Lucas, he walked at an agonizingly fast pace for her, and having to give her time to catch up seemed to take forever.

"Ness..." she sighed, catching up for the third time.

"What?" Anxiety tugged at him, making his response sound more annoyed than worried.

"…" She took his hand. "Walk with me. And please, calm down. I'm sure it's nothing. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill..." She winced and shivered. He knew that face; she was starting to feel nauseous.

He rubbed her head. "Okay, look, I'm sorry, I'm just... irritated. Not in the mood for this today..."

"I know. I'm not, either..."

"You wanna go back in the house?"

"No... No, I'm fine. Just a little unstable." She grimaced. "...And even moreso now."

"Why?"

She pointed over out on the lawn, Ness turning to see. Some few feet away, there sat two neat rows of folded chairs sitting out on the grass, Master Hand coaching some random Smashers. There was a silky white, long carpet in-between the row of chairs, ending at a podium and a bare arch.

That didn't look good.

Regardless, the two drew closer to the setting, only to be met with an unpleasant surprise in the form of Red.

"Friend of the bride or friend of the-" He stopped, smiling that sly grin of his. "Oh! Well, if it isn't the stars of the show."

"..." Ness' mouth went dry.

"Red... What're you doing?" asked Lucas in disbelief.

"Why, we're having a rehearsal. MH told me to stand here and say this to every person who shows up as practice."

...This was not good. At all.

"...Come on, Luke," growled Ness. His temper flared, causing him to jerk her forward.

She sensed this and recoiled. "...Um... Okay."

Behind them, Red snickered. "Break a leg, you two!"

"Okay, first off: does anyone here know how to play the organ?" Master Hand was heard asking.

Grinning, Pit raised his hand.

"...Does anyone know how to play the organ _well_?"

"We could program R.O.B. to do it. It's the Wedding March, right? Someone can just find a CD or something of it and we can program him to play it," suggested Ike.

"Don't you think it makes more sense to play the CD on an actual CD player, then?" added Marth, frowning.

"No."

Master Hand nodded. "Good! R.O.B. is the organ player! That concludes the assignments then!"

"If this is a shotgun wedding, do we get to bring guns?" randomly asked Wolf.

The hand gawked. "What? No! This is a formal ceremony!"

"Yeah! And why only guns?" Link protested. "Some of us have arrows!"

"Can I shoot Ness with mine?" dopily asked Pit. "I'm an angel, so it should bring everlasting love, or something like that."

"No! There will be no shooting of any participants!" declared the hand.

"Can we shoot each other?"

"No!"

"Can we shoot... ourselves?"

"No!"

The angel pondered for a moment. "...Can we shoot you?"

"NO!"

"Can we shoot afterwards?"

"N—" He sighed. "Fine, at that point, it won't matter much anyway. Just watch out for the couple, please."

Link looked behind him, pointing. "Speaking of which..."

Everyone turned to see the two psychics reluctantly approach. Ness appeared furious, while Lucas looked horrified.

"Ah, Ness, Lucas," greeted the appendage. "Just in time to get the finalized roles for the wedding."

Ness narrowed his eyes. "MH, don't do this... The tourney's almost over. Your stupid rep isn't gonna get trashed, okay?"

"I told you and Lucas were to be wed before she gives birth. I don't care if the CC's were tomorrow; you two will be married."

"What's the big deal? We'll be going home soon enough."

"Doesn't matter; even if Lucas wasn't due until after the tounrey's done, it'll still be in her record. And with the father being being a three-time brawler, it'll be on yours, too."

"But it's confidential!"

"Regardless, it'll look tacky and sets a bad example for the rest of the roster." He got real close to his face. "You're just lucky this doesn't affect your respective environments or you both would've been terminated on the spot."

"..." Ness tensed up, struggling to swallow his anger. It was only until he heard Lucas whimper he realized he was tightly clenching his fists, hurting her hand. Looking at her apologetically, he let go...

"If this rehearsal doesn't go over perfect, neither will the wedding. Besides, the CC's still need tending to, and we don't have time for any screw ups. Rehearsal, tonight! Wedding, tomorrow! CC's, week after next!" The hand offered Ness the wedding layout pamphlet. "Here're the mandatory roles."

Gritting his teeth, he snatched it from him, scanning over it hurriedly:

**Officiant - ****Mario**

**Best Man - Toon Link**

**Groomsmen - Marth, Ike, Pit**

**Maid of Honor - Peach**

**B****ridesmaids - Ivysaur, Samus, Zelda**

**Escort - Snake**

**Ring Bearer- Popo**

**Flower Girl- Nana**

**Ushers - R.O.B.s**

Ness sighed. Well, as stupid as the assignments were, he honestly couldn't have picked them better himself. Toon Link being the best man was definitely a plus. Not so much the groomsmen and the ring bearer...

"So it's settled!" said the hand again. "Tell those on the layout to report to my office immediately! The rest of you, dress to impress by 7:00pm sharp tonight and meet us here! Spread the word!"

Ness gawked. "What-!"

"And speaking of which," He scooted Lucas off. "It's rude to see the bride before the wedding. Off you go, now. I've informed Peach about the wedding, so please wait for her to come get you in the foyer."

"...But!" Lucas had no say in the matter as she was escorted off, looking back at Ness sadly.

"..." Her fellow psychic stood stupidly.

* * *

"Well, you can wear the suit you did on your date with Lucas," mused Toon Link.

The two were back in the Mother Room, preparing for the rehearsal. It'd been this way for the last six or so hours, since Ness and Lucas had been separated that morning.

"Ew... That thing again...? Why...?"

"C'mon Ness, you're the groom, the most important part of the wedding aside from Lucas. You can't get hitched in your street clothes, it's tacky..."

"I say me and Luke elope. That counts right?"

"No..."

"Well, this whole thing's so stupid! I don't wanna do this!" he growled, kicking a trash can across the room.

"Ness, it's not like you didn't know this was coming. You think MH would've forgotten?"

"Kinda, I was hoping for that, yeah."

"Well, he didn't and you and Lucas are going to be tying the knot, so you may as well make it memorable. If not us, do it for Lucas."

"..." He pouted.

"Your suit's in the bathroom. I need to go get mine and meet up with MH. You have an hour until I'll come for you." He stood to leave. "Remember, it's for Lucas, okay?"

As the door closed behind him, Ness looked at the trash can he kicked. Still annoyed, he stomped over and kicked it again.

This was gonna suck. Big time.

* * *

Lucas grimaced. She hated dressing up. It was her date with Ness all over again...

"What do you mean the dress won't fit?" shrieked Peach.

"The last time she wore this was months ago! There's no way she can squeeze into it now!" retorted Zelda.

"And you didn't think to tell me this earlier?"

"Lucas is due next week! There's a little something called 'common sense'; try using it!"

And then slapping and hair-pulling commenced. Lucas stared deadpan at the mirror until Samus calmly grabbed her shoulders.

"Come on, Luke. Let's go back to my room... Master Hand has been planning this all along, I'm sure, since Pit just dropped off your wedding dress."

"..."

"It's very beautiful."

"..."

Seeing she wasn't getting through to her, the hunter's mouth set in a straight line. Sitting up, she turned to leave, presumably to prepare to use Lucas a mannequin and force the dress on her. The other blonde didn't care either way; Lucas continued to stare, almost unblinkingly, at her unhappy reflection.

Moments later, that reflection was surprised as a bouquet of sunflowers was handed to it, courtesy of Samus.

"...?"

"Sources told me you like these. ...Well, actually your profile did. And it was MH who arranged it, but... "

Lucas cradled them. "...Thank you."

"So, you feel a little better now? I really hate seeing you mope like this, so cheer up a little and have fun with it. Because the CC's are coming..."

"I know..." she whispered.

"You can use these during the rehearsal and the wedding. We could even have it as a theme, if you want."

"..." That seemed to catch Lucas' interest.

"Would that help? Have all the ladies put one in their hair, maybe. And the guys wear them on their suits?"

"..." Lucas blushed.

Samus grinned, playing with her hair. "Ah, see? I knew that'd work. C'mon, gimme a smile; a big one. It's in there somewhereeeee..."

"...Awwwwwwww... s-stop... I'm supposed to be mad..." giggled Lucas, hiding her face in the bouquet.

"Then don't be. That's not the Luke we know. Be happy and make those flowers work with your image." She sneered as a stray bra landed on Lucas' cowlick. "...And while we're at it, we'll get you away from the Princess Pummeling Hour here..."

Lucas looked about sheepishly. "...Can we put these on my dress, too...?"

* * *

An hour later, Toon Link knocked on the door. "Hey, Ness. You ready in there? It's almost time, you know."

"..."

"Come on, Ness. I know you're in there..."

Begrudgingly, Ness stuck his head out. "I'm not a kid; I don't need to be escorted."

"Then, let's go."

Inspecting his best man further, the psychic was shocked to see Toon Link actually wearing a suave, black tux, complete with a sunflower serving as a brooch of some sort. There was no hat in sight, and his hair was combed down neat and smoothly. Aside from the cat eyes and tell-tale voice, it didn't even look like him.

"...You look awful," Ness sneered, outta spite. "And what's with the flower?"

The small swordsman looked unimpressed. "Thanks for the complement. And this? Well, we got word that Lucas chose a theme for the wedding; sunflowers. So everyone's required to wear or have one." He presented him one. "I got on for you, too-"

"No thanks." He briskly stepped out, hating to be seen wearing his similar, but slightly more dressy tux.

"But it's the theme, Ness."

"I'm the groom; I just have to show up. M'not wearing some dinky little flower. I already gotta wear this dumb suit, and it itches like hell..."

"Whatever." Toon Link shrugged. "I just came to get you-"

"And I don't need an escort."

Toon Link rubbed his head. "Ness, please don't make this any harder than it has to be..."

"I'm not. You go on ahead and I'll just walk up the aisle or whatever. ...Down it. ...Wherever."

"If I don't come back with you in tow, I'll get in more trouble than you. So either you come with me, or I'll have to play stool pigeon and tell MH."

"_...Uuuugh..."_

* * *

Quietly exiting the front door, Ness could already see the wedding scene several feet away, just where it'd been earlier. With the oncoming dusk, it was now aglow with a fancy assortment of candles and stringed lights. Silky sashes adorned the area, complete with the same material serving as a carpet down the aisle and to the altar, which was also assaulted with a smooth, shimmering theme to the very foundation. It almost made him sick.

Sitting patiently in said light were the Smashers, both those in the wedding and those made to watch. Some looked excited, others seemed bored, and a few were particularly flippant. Going through the house earlier proved it was void of all life, aside from some maintenance R.O.B.s, so everyone must of been out here...

On top of that, everyone was dressed in the proper wedding attire, even those listed as spectators. The outfits came in all shapes and shapes; some flashy and tacky, some nice and neat, some black, some white... Hell, Luigi's was green, while Wario looked fresh out of a casino.

Most of the non-human Smashers were minor exceptions; DK wore a silky, red tie, while Diddy had a suit that made him look like an organ grinder monkey. Bowser had on a fancy white tux Ness swore he'd seen before. Lacking bodies, Kirby and Meta Knight vouched for wearing top hats. Lucario and Squirtle sported simple bow ties. In contrast to their male peers, Jigglypuff and Ivysaur wore frilly headresses, while Pikachu and Charizard wore the standard attire. No pants, of course. Sonic and Yoshi joined them in the "suit, but no pants" department.

It was almost scary to see everyone gussied up like this.

...But if there was one thing everyone had with them, whether big or small, good or evil, cute or not-so-cute, it was...

A sunflower.

In hand, in pocket, on their head, everyone had one. Come to think of it... Ness came to the sudden realization that the entire setup was decorated with the flower or its pattern. The seats, the arches, the altar. Everything. Every row of chairs had a bouquet on both sides. It was almost ridiculous. Lucas, what the hell kinda fashion sense is this...?

Before he knew it, he and Toon Link had gotten closer to the arrangement, although still outta sight.

"Okay," whispered Toon Link. "Everything's set. All you've got to do is follow me and walk down the aisle and look serious about this."

"Why bother? This isn't the real deal, and even if it was, it's forced."

_"Well, do it because you're supposed to!"_ snapped his best man, patience wearing thin. He shoved the sunflower from before into a pocket on his tux. "And don't forget this, either."

"I told you I'm not wearing this crap," protested Ness, pulling away.

Toon Link yanked him back. "If you take one step down this aisle without that flower, you and Lucas'll be walking straight out of this tourney forever!" he angrily whispered between clenched teeth. "Now come on! And please look serious!"

Ness 'tch'ed and frowned, watching as Toon Link spruced himself up, sticking out his chest and striding forward. Mario, who at the altar, spotted him and stood ready, commanding the attention of the other Smashers. Some turned to look, others sat stoic. Ness couldn't see Toon Link's face, but judging from his stiff walking, he musta been pretty anxious.

It was now Ness noticed at the altar was both Master and Crazy Hand situated behind Mario, their fingers overlapped while they idly twiddled their thumbs. Well, that was unnecessarily creepy...

Toon Link finished his journey along the aisle by standing by the groomsmen on the right, sighing in relief. He stood a small distance ahead of them vertically and on par with Peach, who was across form him and ahead of the bridesmaids on the left. Guess it was his turn now. Great.

He decided, only for Lucas' sake, he'd try and start things off on the right foot...

...Or maybe not, as he tripped over a ridge in the carpet, causing him to stumble into view and almost faceplant in front of the entire house. He was able to save himself by feigning sort sorta nervous spastic dance, but that didn't stop most of the Smashers from looking at him like he'd lost what little mind he had left. Peach facepalmed, while the groomsmen looked on in disgust. Toon Link assumed a stern facade to mask his embarrassment. Mario looked to the hands as if to apologize of Ness' nonsense.

Not batting an eye at his clumsy entrance, Ness fixed his tux and, almost haughtily, made his way to the altar. Since this whole thing revolved around him and Lucas, he was gonna just run with it. No point in sulking and griping about getting hitched, lest he be even more of a laughing stock than when he knocked up Lucas. And with the CC's so close, he couldn't afford to go out like that.

Unfortunately, now that it was his big moment, Ness couldn't help but feel a bit... unnerved. He _did_ have about 40 pairs of eyes on him, and even the Smashers who looked bored to tears now gave him their undivided attention. Some snickered and grinned, which made him gnaw his lip and scrunch his face up, humiliated. It was like they were just waiting for him to mess up... again. He struggled to keep his gaze ahead at Mario behind the podium, but having the plumber looking down on him with an questionable expression made things worse.

After what seemed like 10 or 11 hours, he finally made it to the altar, mentally and physically drained. He didn't bother looking at Toon Link or the groomsmen or Peach and the bridesmaids. He didn't wanna show the insecurity in his eyes or get unneeded responses from theirs. The podium was his only friend as he stared deadpan at it.

He was soon jerked from this as he spotted Olimar to the side of the altar, putting a CD in the nearby Smasher R.O.B. His head did a 360, then "Here Comes the Bride" began to play. Oh, boy...

Excited, everyone shifted their attention back down the aisle, waiting for the lady of the hour. This included Ness, although, he was more or less expecting a disaster.

But he had to wait, as Nana appeared first. She strolled down the aisle in a cute pink-and-white dress adorned with crystals made to look like snowflakes, all while throwing-what else-sunflowers from a basket she carried. She even had a sunflower bow in her hair. Reaching the end, she sided at the end of the bridesmaid line, blushing from her earlier role.

Already, Ness found his eyes zipping back down the carpet just in time to see Snake and Lucas step into the light. Snake was wearing the standard tux with the sunflower, blah blah, but the real star of the show was Lucas.

He had to admit, she looked... really pretty. The girls went easy on her makeup this time and left her natural features alone to work her image. Her dress was a pure white maternity wedding gown, adorned with sparkling sunflowers on every side. Smooth, sleek gloves on her arms went up to her elbows, cute, little white stubs serving as quaint earrings. A real sunflower was planted in her golden locks, while she carried a bouquet of sunflowers close to her well-endowed chest.

Snake made sure to walk carefully and steadily with the blonde, not wanting Ness' slip-up down the carpet to happen to her. Once she was given to her groom, he swiftly slipped away and found a seat with Sonic near the front row. Well, that wasn't too bad.

'You look pretty,' Ness mouthed to Lucas.

She blushed and hid her face in the bouquet as response.

Finally, Popo was the last Smasher and participant to enter the service, carrying two obviously fake rings on a pillow. His suit complemented Nana's, being periwinkle with sparkling white buttons to resemble ice crystals. He stood at the end of the groomsmen and adjacent to Nana. Now this crapfest was actually just _starting_? Ugh...

Mario looked around suspiciously at any potential troublemakers in the crowd before starting the ceremony. Seeing he actually had everyone's attention, he cleared his throat and opened a book. "We are gathered here today in the presence of family and friends to share with Bride and Groom the most important moment in their lives. Without the love between these two people, we would not be here today."

Well, no **_duh_**.

"It has been said that marriage is that relationship between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual and the obligation reciprocal." He looked up. Lucas and Ness, you are now to bring together the best parts of your individuality, uniting spirit, talent, and experience to create something better than either of you alone can offer. You must, and I'm sure will, work hard to maintain this union."

Lucas was already starting to cry, while Ness cut his eyes at Toon Link for help from this sappiness. In response, Toon Link's eyes seemed to say, with a scowl, 'Stop looking like that and pay attention!' No help there.

Mario continued. "By this ceremony you will become husband and wife, but the soul of your marriage depends on the constant renewal of the choices and promises out of love for one another you make today. Bride and Groom came together as friends. Today, they pledge to each other not only their love, but also the strength, warmth and most importantly, the fun of true friendship."

That's what got them into this mess in the first place!

"The step which you are about to take is the most important into which human beings can come. It is a union of two people founded upon mutual respect and affection. Your lives will change, your responsibilities will increase, but your joy will be multiplied if you are sincere and earnest with your pledge to one another."

Holy hell, how long was he gonna rehash the same crap?

Mario shifted to the spectators. "Family and friends, we are witnesses to the union of two individuals who choose to commit to a life together. Our responsibility as their friends and witnesses is to provide them as a couple with our love, support and approval."

Ness swore he heard a cricket chirp. The timing was insulting.

Mario spoke to him now. "Will you Groom have this woman to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, and forsaking all others, for so long as you both shall live?"

"Yeah, sure," Ness shrugged, appearing unsympathetic.

The plumber made a face, but turned to Lucas. "Will you, Bride take Groom to be your wedded husband, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, and forsaking all others, so long as you both shall live?"

Lucas was bawling at this point, needing a moment to contain herself before speaking. Marth offered a tissue as she cleaned herself up.

"...I-I do..." she finally whimpered.

"Then take hands and repeat after me," said Mario.

The two did so, making things even _more_ awkward. Lucas was an emotional mess, while Ness looked as bored as bored could be.

"I, Ness, take you, Lucas, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward."

Begrudgingly, Ness repeated him, sounding more like a kid being made to flatly apologize for a wrongdoing.

"I, Lucas, take you, Ness to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer of for poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward," said Mario to Lucas.

Poor Lucas tried to repeat it, but kept stopping about halfway through due to crying. Seeing how unstable this made her, Mario just took it as an, 'I do' and continued.

"Rings, please?" He looked to Popo, who was staring into nothingness. Seeing this, Nana frowned and tossed her flower basket at his face.

"...Ah! What?"

"The rings?" asked Mario.

"...Oh yeah." He stood between Ness and Lucas, presenting the pillow with the damn rings. Both took one.

"Place the ring on the Bride's finger and say: With this ring, I thee wed. Lucas, you do the same." Mario cut that short this time. Musta been getting tired of this madness, too.

After the two did as they were told, he continued. "In as much as Bride and Groom have consented together in wedlock and have witnessed the same before this company, and pledged their vows to each other, by the power vested in me by...uh, Smash Mansion, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Ness wasn't too keen on doing this in public, so he stalled for a moment, refusing to do this unless Master Hand threatened to poke him to death or something. Things were tense for a moment until Master Hand gave a nod of approval.

"And that's a wrap!" he happily announced, clapping together with Crazy. "Good work, everyone! We've got a few kinks to work out, but for the most part, that was flawless! In honor of this joyous occasion, there will be no fights until after the real wedding tomorrow night!"

**_"BWAHAHAHAH!"_** cackled Crazy Hand. **_"Give yourselves, and the happy couple, a hand! DAHAHAHAHA!"_**

Everyone gave them a standing ovation for that, complete with some hoots, cheers, and whistles. Lucas was coy as hell, but Ness couldn't shake the feeling it was for the whole "no fighting until day-after-next" thing. Eh, whatever.

* * *

"Cheers! To you!"chirped Kirby, him, Ness, Lucas, Toon Link, and the Ice Climbers clinking together glasses of root beer.

"Whew, that was unnerving," sighed Nana, Popo drinking next to her. "I can't remember the last time I wore a dress. I just knew I was going to fall." She glared at her partner. "And Popo, just what did you think you were doing out there?"

"I honestly forgot what I _was_ supposed to be doing," he admitted, "so I just copied you."

"I thought it was fun!" laughed Kirby. He waved his hat. "I got to wear this cool hat and look all 'phosisticated'!"

Toon Link looked to the would-be groom. "So, Ness? How'd it feel for a test run?"

"Awful." Ness flatly devoured his food.

He shook his head. "Come on, Ness. You have to be at least a little excited." He motioned to Lucas. "You love Luke a lot, I know, and you'll soon be married with her. And even when the CC's end, you two'll share that marital bond forever."

The psychic shuddered. "Ugh, gag me with a spoon."

Annoyed, the blond boy looked to the would-be bride. "Lucas, why aren't you bothered by this? Ness is over here acting like a little kid over a somewhat-serious matter!"

"TL, you've known Ness for over two years, and you're telling me you can't tell when he's sitting on his high horse?"

Toon Link pouted. "Well, I still think he should try and be a little more mature for this, at least..."

Ness decided to change the subject. "Y'know, this whole afterparty thing seems a little off. Shouldn't I be having a bachelor party, and Lucas have a bachorlette party?"

"Not counting Lucas, there's only six girls in the whole house, and two of them are Pokemon. Not a lot to work with. You'll be having more of a sausage party if we take off," answered Nana.

In response, Ness made one of the most horrified faces seen in a good, long while. So horrified, in fact, Falco just had to take a picture.

"Hah, that'll be a keeper!" he squawked, running off.

"Aw, stop being such a douche and enjoy yourself," urged Bowser, tromping up and getting the future couple in a playful headlock. "Forget about your worries and let's party tonight! Eat, drink, and be merry, right?"

"There will be no public drinking!" scolding Master Hand, overhearing this. "Do it on your own time, thank you!"

"Hey, Luke. I meant to ask," said Ness, remembering something. "What's up with all the sunflowers? I mean, they look nice... I guess, but they're freakin' everywhere."

"I like sunflowers," she softly responded.

"But don't you think you could've toned them down a bit?" He gestured to a sunflower-filled vase with sunflowers painted on it.

"...Well," she made a pouty face. "Since... since when did you care about how the wedding looked?"

He looked taken aback. "...I don't, I just... why so many?"

"They're special to me."

"Why?"

"...They're... my favorite." She smiled. "My mom used to plant them all over my town and our house back home. She loved them... so I grew to love them, too. ...I really miss her, and... wanted her here in spirit. Every sunflower here is to be treated with love and care."

"Uh huh." Ness sounded dubious. "Well, if it makes you happy."

He eyed what was apparently their wedding cake, also decorated with the sunny flowers. Their trophies were haphazardly stuck on top... Lucas' needed upgrading, as it was from her pre-girl period. He pushed away his empty plate.

"...Okay, we ate and talked. How's this a party if we do this everyday in the lunchroom?" he randomly complained.

"Well, I guess since the groom's done eating, the real party can start!" said a passerby Dedede.

"Real party?" Ness scoffed. "Yeah, right. What're we gonna do? Make speeches, or something?"

"MH had something a little different in mind."

* * *

If there'd ever been a time King Dedede was right about something, this sure was it.

Since it was a "shotgun wedding", Master Hand decided to allow everyone a fake copy of Fox's blaster to run around and play a literal game of laser tag with. Or fake arrows, if they wished.

After that was a rousing game of soccer. Then a heated sack race, a karaoke contest, a dancing contest, dodgeball, another sack race, and even staged food fight! And almost all the house joined in each game!

This had to've been the best night ever! For the first time since, well, maybe his birthday, Ness was actually... having fun! And at no one's expense!

...None of these games were standard at a wedding party, were they?

After about two hours, Ness finally came back to the dinner table, play-fighting with a jovial Lucario. He saw him off with a playful slug to the side, as the Pokemon went off to join a volleyball game that was brewing.

"Whew!" He sighed. "What a rush! I need a break."

"Having fun?" teased Toon Link, as Ness chugged some soda.

"Oh, shut up. You are, too."

"But I wasn't the one dreading this."

"Whatever." He looked around. "Where's Lucas?"

"Oh, uh, she went upstairs to change out of her dress."

Ness made a face. "Oh, so I can't change outta this stupid suit, but she can?"

"Ness, she's pregnant. Give her that much."

"Well, Imma go get her. It's actually fun out here! She should join in." He briskly walked off, already in the process of undoing his tux.

Toon Link caught up to him. "Ness, come on. Lucas said she'd be back soon, okay? Red's taking attendance for the wedding soon, so if you leave now, MH'll be mad. Lucas was excused, but I don't think you'll be."

Ness didn't turn around. "...Where _is_ Red, anyway?"

"Uh..." He rubbed his head. "He was here during the sack race..."

"But you haven't seen him since?"

"No, why?" Toon Link shrugged. "He's probably already counting heads somewhere."

Furious, he whipped around. _"And you didn't think to stop Lucas from leaving?"_

"W-well, I-!"

Ness turned on his heel and bolted for the house. He didn't have time for excuses.

* * *

Lucas yawned as she entered the Mother Room, massaging her full stomach. It was aching a little and she wasn't sure she could stand squeezing into this dress anymore...

With a little difficulty, she undid the zipper and wiggled herself free, sighing. Entering the closet, she proceeded to find a lose maternity dress. It slipped on freely and easily. Much better.

Going back over to the bedroom door, she reeled back in horror with a scream as Red was quietly poised behind it.

**_"R-Red!"_** She clutched her belly, panicked. "What're you doing—? ...You... you scared me...!"

"Heh heh, so sorry about that Luke," he chuckled. "I was never good at flashy entrances."

Seeing his amusement, she punched his chest. _"**D-don't do that again!** I could've gone into labor!"_

"Gosh, Lucas, I'm so sorry..."He closed the door, pushing her away. "Here. lemme make it up to you..."

"Red, whatever you're trying to do..." Lucas growled, eyes darting back from him to her bell necklace on the nightstand, "It... it won't work—"

The Trainer spotted her hand patting around and smiled. As soon as she gripped it, he grabbed the bell, muting the ring. "Ah, I see. Skittish, are we?"

Lucas recoiled. "Red, I'm... I'm warning you...! Don't try anything or you'll regret it...!"

"I just wanna talk to you for a sec. Can you at least gimme that long?"

"No."

"But I wanted to give you a..." He rubbed her face, "a little wedding gift..."

"Gift?" She perked up for a moment, then frowned. "...If it's the gift I think you're talking about, then I don't want it."

She gained a sudden burst of strength and pulled away, grabbing the bell. She was only able to get a slight tingle from it when Red grabbed her from behind, causing her to drop it.

"...Not even if it was about Ness?" he teased.

"Ness?" Lucas breathed. " ...What about him?"

"Lucas, Lucas," Red laughed. "You're about to get married to this creep, and you don't know a thing about him?"

"Ness is not a creep," she huffed, turning away. "No more than you are, anyway."

"Aw, that's not very nice to say." He let go, brandishing a folder, thick with contents. "And here I was gonna give you a little inside info on your groom-to-be."

The blonde blinked, recognizing the Mother symbol on it. "...Is that Ness' file?"

"Why, yes, it is," he chuckled, flipping through it. "Even you and I have one of these; everyone does, y'know. His entire personal file is here in my hand as we speak, and being added to daily."

"...Am I in there?"

"Of course. Wanna see?"

"Ooh, yes! I-" She froze in reaching for it. "...But aren't looking at these without permission from Ness... illegal?"

"Why should it be? Considering you're soon gonna be the mother of his child, I'd like to think you'd know more about him than the rest of the house."

She gently rubbed her stomach, feeling a soft kick. "Well, yes but still..."

"Still what? Don't you think you should be allowed to know about Ness in detail?"

"...But... Ness said... we should learn from each other from experience..."

"And have you not?"

"Yes..."

"Then finish it up allllll right here." He dropped it onto the bed. "I mean, if you know that much about him, there shouldn't be anything in here new."

He _did_ have a point there...

Lucas perked up as she noticed Red humbly walking off. "Where're... where're you going?"

"My job here is done," he coolly stated, opening the window. The familiar warm night rushed in. "I gotta make sure no one went AWOL when the party's over, so I'll take my leave."

Lucas was about to express her concern about him leaving via window, but Charizard rose from the bottom of the sill to serve as transportation.

"I'll be seeing ya, Lucas," he chuckled, his sly grin being the biggest she'd ever seen. "I hope you find what you were looking for in that hubby of yours."

Satisfied, he made a kissy face at the blonde before he and his dragon descended, dropping below the windowsill and out of sight. Lucas turned back to the folder on the bed.

...

...

...

A peek wouldn't hurt, would it? Just to see? She already knew more about Ness than the average Smasher. And he couldn't get mad at her for confirming it, right?

...

...

...

Mind made up, Lucas cautiously picked up the folder, sitting down to read.

Red was right; everything about Ness there ever was, or would be, was here. There were pictures of him from the last tourneys, his stats and rankings, affiliations, and so on.

Aside from his Smash Bros. data, there were sections focused more on himself, stating things like his favorite food, color, and pastime. This delved into his personal life. It started with a copy of his birth certificate, continuing with info about his family, enemies, backstory... and even her.

It told all about her apparent gender confusion, their relationship, and how she would soon be his child's mother. There was intentional space left, which she presumed would be info on their offspring upon its arrival. She blushed.

She continued reading excerpts and gazing at photos, soon coming to a detailed overview of Ness' obligatory "save the world" adventure, the whole reason he'd been selected as a fighter. He had such a nice group of friends, and an amazing bond with all of them. ...Especially this one.

They sure had a lot of photos together, and even the paragraphs spared no detail in pronouncing their closeness.

...

* * *

Minutes later, the door slammed open, Ness panting. Ready for action, he stormed the place to look for Red. He wasn't in the closet, room, or bathroom... He spotted Lucas on the bed, back to him.

"Lucas?" He pensively touched her shoulder. "You okay? Was Red in here? He do something to you?"

She didn't face him. "...Ness?"

"Yeah?"

"...Do you love me?"

He raised an eyebrow at the sudden question. "...'course I do."

"How much?"

"...A lot."

"...Would you ever lie to me?"

"C'mon, Luke. You know I wouldn't. We joke about how much I lie to everyone else." He playfully nudged her. Usually, this would make her smile... but not today.

"..."

His face fell. He was starting to get worried. "...You okay?"

"..." Lucas prepared to push herself up. Ness offered to help, but she refused and shakily stood on her own.

Something was definitely wrong here. The air about her seemed oddly... serious; stern almost, as if she was angry about something. Even the way she waddled seemed less cute now as she made her way to the open, moonlit window. Ness could only sit in curious anxiety, watching her back.

"Ness... Tell me..." she finally spoke, soft voice tinged with indifference.

"...What?"

"Who's this?"

She turned slightly and tossed a picture onto the bed. Confused, Ness picked it up to study. Using the moonlight through the window as his only light source, he squinted and strained to figure out who the hell it was and why Lucas cared about it.

...Finally, something clicked in the back of his mind, realization stabbing him like a sword to the side. His stomach painfully buckled with nausea as he realized the person in the photo...

The hair, the face, the eyes... The dress...

Mouth dry, he struggled not to look at Lucas, but staring at the photo was enough to make him shudder. Distraught, he flinched and accidentally flashed his gaze at Lucas, being met with narrowed, blue eyes.

"So?" she darkly asked. "Who is it?"

...

...As soon as he opened his mouth, she continued, "...And don't bother lying, because I'll know if you are." She narrowed her eyes. "...But that shouldn't be a problem; you'd never lie to me. ...Right?"

No... There's no way she could know... Just no way.

Expression unsure, Ness struggled to read her mind, but found himself unable to concentrate. Lucas' angry eyes bore holes into the fabric of his very soul, making his endeavor impossible. She probably knew he was trying to read it, too.

"...She's a friend," he finally said, surprised at his meek response.

"A friend?" She sounded disbelieving.

"Yeah... She helped me save the world, even," he added, trying to placate her.

Lucas' cold expression remained. "What's her name?"

His eyes went to the floor. "Paula..."

"She's very pretty..." she hollowly added.

"..."

"..." Lucas tensed up in anger as she flung another picture at him, not even bothering to put it on the bed. Ness watched it disdainfully fall to the floor, the blonde turning her back to him once more.

"..." Almost as if he was drawn to it, Ness eased toward the picture. His heart already knew what was on the other side, but his mind secretly hoped it was wrong.

His eyes didn't even need to adjust to know this picture's content; the vague shapes and contents were enough.

...It was a picture he remembered from a going-away/good luck picnic thrown for him days before he left home for the tourney.

His mom invited the whole town and every friend she could think of. Everyone came. They were all really excited he was going back to represent himself for a third time.

Someone brought a camera and it was passed around for various photographic memories. ...Eventually, he got the camera. He took loads of photos with anyone who wanted in on them.

…

And this one was of him and Paula kissing...

...Mouth to mouth.

...

It stung, recalling their antics while looking at it. It was like a recollection of horror, each memory worst than the last.

Playing, snuggling, laughing, hugging, teasing... kissing.

It was all there.

As if his hand lost all feeling, he dropped the photo, not wanting to look at it anymore.

And what bugged him most was how much Lucas looked like Paula now. They had the same bright, blue eyes, same soft, blond hair, same gentle voice... the same motherly air about them.

Shattered. That's what it was; like someone had finally broken his vision of the girl he knew back home.

Lucas wasn't Paula, he knew this.

…

…

…

But did he believe it?

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Red, you douche._


	32. Kidnapping the Undeniable

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, this is probably the longest time I've ever gone without updating any of my stories, oops. Here's a long overdue installment where hardly nothing even happens! There's a keyword in that last sentence._

_**This chapter contains a big spoiler from Mother 3, so read at your own risk! There was another chapter I meant to put this disclaimer on, but I forgot; maybe no one noticed! Oh, wait...**  
_

* * *

**_He Said, She Said_**

_**Chapter 32:** Kidnapping the Undeniable_

* * *

...

...

...The room was thick with tension as Ness stood before Lucas, focusing his surprised gaze on the windowsill behind her.

Lucas knew. She knew about Paula, there was no doubting it. Paula wasn't a secret, she was never supposed to be. Mouth slightly agape in the darkness, Ness came to the chilling realization that he'd actually... forgotten about Paula. Not in favor of Lucas, but more like completely. The thought of her hadn't crossed his mind in weeks, months... But now Lucas knew, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

Hoping in vain he could explain the situation, he took a tentative step forward, causing Lucas to step back. His folder still in her hand, she clenched it tight, looking him over as if he was a criminal.

Finally, Lucas could no longer sustain her anger, mouth trembling as tears began streaming down her cheeks.

"Ness, why...?" she asked. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not what you think..."

"I knew something wasn't right, but I thought it was just me; maybe I was paranoid. But all this time... you were using me!"

"That's not true..."

It'd been established infinitely that Ness was a terrible liar. Unfortunately, this was one of his worse, despite the fact he was actually telling the truth...

Question unanswered, Lucas repeated, "...Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"I didn't tell you 'cuz..." He sighed. "Luke, I didn't want you to leave me, okay? I didn't want us to stop being... friends. I knew you'd flip out about Paula, so I just kept her outta the picture. I didn't wanna hurt you..."

"I think your plan backfired," she sneered.

His tried not to let that faze him. "Lucas, be honest; if you'd known about Paula from the start, you probably wouldn't have got as close to me as you did."

"Why? What would I have against her?"

"I..." He shrugged hard. "I don't know. I didn't want you to feel upstaged. That's all it was, I swear."

"If you've been going through all this trouble to hide this from me, why should I believe you now?"

Ness gawked. "W-what was I supposed to say? 'Oh hey, Lucas. Sorry I knocked you up. By the way, did I ever mention I got a girl back home?' And it would've made less sense if I just blurted it out before that! I thought you were a guy, Lucas; what would Paula have to do with us?"

_"But you knew!"_ She stomped a foot for emphasis. "You knew about this and all you did was lie! Maybe it was irrelevant before, but you'd think after my 'transition', you'd say something! You'd think after I became _pregnant_, you'd say something!"

"Well, you woulda got mad..."

"So you just thought you could keep me in the dark? You were going to lead me on like this forever with your lies? What do you take me for?"

"I _didn_'t lie!" he snapped. "I thought it was for your own good!" Lucas cringed, making him soften. "Lucas, I'm sorry... I wasn't trying to-"

"You have no idea what I've had to go through, do you?" she whispered. "You don't know how many times I've felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. To know betrayal. You can't even begin to know how it feels to lose a part of yourself... To only be half of who you are. To... not even be what you thought you were..."

Ness tried approaching again. "Why? What're you talking about?"

"I lost my brother, Ness. And when he left, I became alone. I'd never been alone in my life before, but suddenly I was. It was my worst nightmare come true. I wanted to stay alone, until I found someone who could fill the gap Claus left my in life. I thought it'd be you."

Ness bit his lip as he began to piece things together. Some months ago on their date, Lucas mentioned having a late brother. Finally knowing his name was bittersweet, at best.

Lucas turned to look outside, despondent. "Then this Smash Brothers thing comes up and promises me fame and fortune if I join. I told them I didn't want to fight anymore, I didn't want to hurt anyone."

She walked towards the window, looking skywards. "It wasn't long before my friends found out, and... they all said, 'Lucas, you need to do this for us. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance,' but I still said no. Then they started sending in applications and résumés, but they were all declined. And when they realized they couldn't take my place, they all pushed me to go; some even threatened me.

_"Lucas, if you really care about us, you'll do this."_

_"Lucas, I'll never forgive you if you don't join."_

_"Don't blow this, Lucas."_

_"I can't go, so don't do anything stupid."_

"I had the odds stacked against me, so I finally gave in and joined. And when I get here, I'm overshadowed by all these famous people and... I was so scared of being alone all over again. And then I saw your... your shirt."

Ness looked down at himself as she paused briefly. "...It looks almost like Claus'; it was like he was back the dead. I was in a stupor when I came over to you." She paused again, but this time for several agonizing seconds, as if mourning. It wasn't until she loosed a sigh she continued.

"And when I touched your shirt, you turned around and said, 'What the hell are you doing?'... That was the first thing you said to me, and I've been smitten ever since." She laughed sourly, shaking her head. "But it was all a lie. Who was I kidding? I never should've got so close to you. Why am I so _stupid_?"

"Lucas, don't say that," Ness consoled. "I'm really glad I met you... I used to think it was cool to be the only one from our realm, but halfway through last tourney, I rethought it, and kinda hoped I'd have someone else with me next time. I know I didn't act it, but I was really excited when we met at the Starting Ceremony."

"Ness, go away. I don't want to talk anymore..."

"Lucas. If I never see you again after this is all over, I'll be glad we met. I know you're pissed off, but don't you feel the same at least? Don't let this come between us."

"You just don't get it, do you?" she said coldly, whipping around. "In two weeks, we're both going home and your hands will be clean. You'll have all your stupid friends and stupid Paula to keep you company. Me? I've got a lot of explaining to do, I've got a lot of questions to answer, and I've got a lot of disdain coming my way. I'm going home a mom, Ness, and you're just going home."

Ness looked hurt. "I take responsibility for this, too, Lucas. You're telling me just 'cuz I'm the dad, I get off easy? Why is it only about you all of a sudden?"

The blonde turned away once more. "Leave me alone. I can't talk to you now."

Desperate, the other psychic grabbed her arm. "Luke, please. We can work this out. I said I was sorry, okay? What more do you want? I know I screwed up, but this isn't the first time, and won't be the last. I thought that's what you liked about me."

"Ness, let go..."

"Not 'til you gimme a chance to make this up to you."

"I said, let go."

"Lucas, why're being so standoffish all of a sudden?"

"Why're _you_ being so bullheaded?"

"I've done so many stupid things to piss you off, but it takes something like _this_ to send you over the edge?"

"I said, let go!"

"I've knocked you up, been pummeled on several occasions, and almost got you killed... _twice_! Since the day I found out you were pregnant, I made a promise to stay with you 'til the end, whether you wanted me to or not. The least you could do is get off your high horse and give me the benefit of the doubt."

It was so quick what happened next, neither of the psychics had time to comprehend it. Ness saw Lucas tense up, anger and frustration burning in her eyes. Her teeth were gritted in pure hatred, that hatred channeling to her hand and-

...

...

...

She slapped him.

Hard.

The sound of impact was startling and almost as painful as the slap itself.

The realization of this struck him as he found his view jerked to the side, having to turn back and face a fuming Lucas. Eyes locked with her angry ones, his hand slowly rose to touch his throbbing cheek. It hurt to touch.

The blonde's look of rage slowly melted into one of surprise, then confusion, and finally, upon looking at her hands, regret. Watery eyes trailed down to the floor. Ness was speechless.

"...It's over, Ness. That's it. I'm done with this. I'm done with _you_. The wedding's off. I just want to go home..."

With that, she went back over to the window, sobbing as she stared at the bright and cheerful atmosphere on the lawn.

Ness stood stupid as her weeping pincered his very soul. Did that really just happen? Was he hallucinating again? ...What happened? Where did he go wrong? Just an hour ago, he and Lucas were having the time of their lives. Now she wanted to left left alone, crying as hard as she could muster. He drew a blank on what to do next, gently rubbing his cheek. It hurt so much...

Finally coming to terms with what'd happened, his gaze trailed down to the pictures littering the floor. Then the folder at the blonde's feet, then at Lucas sobbing again. Finally, he faced the slightly cracked door behind him. She said she wanted him to go away.

…

So he did.

* * *

Toon Link turned at the sound of the front door slamming shut. Particularly hard, he noticed. He also noticed Ness storming away from said door. And even from a distance, one could tell he didn't look too happy.

He decided to test the water. "Uh, hey Ness. Want to get in on another round of 'Pin the Tail on the Ultimate Chimera'? We're pretty sure it's not the real one this time-"

"Where's Red?" he demanded.

"Uh..." He meekly looked around, then shrugged "...I haven't seen him in a while, so he may be taking attendance-"

Ness didn't let him finish, angrily brushing by and storming off until he either found Red or somebody who knew where he was. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Red eventually bumped into him. It was probably on purpose, since there were yards and yards of the front lawn for them _not_ to literally run into each other. Ness hurled him off in a rage.

"Why, Ness, there you are!" he greeted. "I didn't know you were still here! I almost checked you absent!"

He trembled with anger. _"Y-you..."_

"Huh?" Red grinned. "Aw, whassa matter? Pre-wedding jitters?"

_"You did it..."_

The Trainer put a hand to his ear. "Sorry? Come again?"

Red didn't have time to flinch before Ness seized his vest, pulling him to his level. _"You did it! You told her!"_

His gaze wandered about nonchalantly. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Told who? Told who what?"

_"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" _Ness' grip tightened_. "**YOU TOLD HER EVERYTHING**!"_

Red shrugged. "Okay, well, technically, I didn't _tell_ her; I showed her-"

With a growl, Ness cut Red off by hurling to the ground. Regardless, he smiled.

"Hey, it's not my fault you had skeletons in your closet," said the Trainer. He stood to dust himself off. "Lucas deserves to know the truth, and dammit, I told her. What, you're gonna get mad at me for spilling the beans?"

"You make me _**sick**_," spat the psychic. "Using my profile as blackmail was a cheap shot; only a _coward_ would do that! But y'know what? Your stupid plan backfired. What you did was a huge violation, and MH won't cut you any slack when he finds out. You're gonna spill the beans on me? I'm gonna spill the beans on you."

"You ain't got the proof."

"The security cameras in the Data Room do."

"You're bluffing."

"Are you really _that_ dumb? You really thought you could waltz in and out with personal data records, just like that?"

"That happened months ago. Don'tcha think somebody would've caught me by now?"

"No one's ever been stupid enough to try, but that doesn't mean they don't have footage. Hell, they probably still have recordings from _last_ year!"

"..." Red wasn't looking so smug now.

With that, Ness walked off towards Master and Crazy Hand further away on the lawn. He didn't get far before Red stopped his progress.

"And what makes you think you're gonna tell anybody?"

"Get outta my way."

"I implore you to reconsider," chuckled Red, pulling out a Poke Ball. It was tossed to the ground, bringing forth Ivysaur, still in her wedding garb. She didn't look too happy being brought into this.

"Leave Ivysaur outta this," Ness threatened. "I don't wanna hurt her."

The Trainer ignored him. "Ness, it's been a long day. The party goes on until question marks, but I think you need to head to bed ASAP, am I right? I mean, you _are_ the groom and all."

"..." He backed up.

"Ivysaur, give him the works."

Sighing, his leafy lackey shook her flower around, churning out some weird, blue powder. This made Ness take more steps back.

As he'd never seen this attack before, he knew it was an illegal move; getting caught using it on someone in public meant immediate termination, especially for intended harm. He kept his distance from the spray, forming a plan.

Red scratched his head nonchalantly. "Why am I wasting my time with you? All you're doing is preventing the inevitable."

Ness began sidling away from the secreting Ivysaur and toward her and the Trainer's left. If he could get into the right position, he'd make a break for it instead. A quick dart of his eyes confirmed the hands were merely a beeline away. Thinking it was now or never, Ness sprinted off.

"Once you've locked eyes, with an opponent, there's no running away!" He heard Red tease. "Vine Whip!"

Ness mentally prayed Red's command was loud enough to draw attention. Alas, felt himself fall to the ground, courtesy of Ivysaur's attack catching his legs. Despite a heated struggle, he was shamefully retracted back into Red's clutches.

He grabbed Ness by his hair and, with no grace whatsoever, jammed his face into the Pokemon's tulip. The impact caused a heavy cloud of the particles to rise and spread, shrouding Ness in the sparkly powder. It was equivalent to tear gas, its horrid sensation making his eyes water and burning his airways. After blindly socking Red in the nose, he was released, retching and coughing as he staggered backwards.

His following move was to run off, but no sooner had he gotten himself together, he suddenly felt real… tired and lethargic... His muscles trembled as all feeling and power trickled away. His sight began to pan skywards, the stars becoming blurs in his fading vision. It dawned on him he'd been exposed to some sort of sleeping powder, and he was rapidly losing consciousness. His world spun like a demented merry-go-round until he took a hard fall on what he assumed was the ground.

The last thing he saw before exhaustion took its toll was Red hanging over him, grinning that stupid grin of his.

_"Sweet dreams, Ness!"_

* * *

Lucas awoke to the room being illuminated by daybreak. She lazily turned to see a bright pink and orange sky, pale yellow clouds strewn across. This sight was courtesy of the rising sun amid distant landscape. This was one of the reasons she loved getting up so early; to enjoy the wonders of life for herself and all those who couldn't. But today, she didn't feel joyous about anything...

Her mind played back what happened last night, making the moment particularity sour. That open window served as a harsh reminder of her distraught sobbing six hours ago. The morning breeze brought back feeling of regret.

She sat up, staring at the wall, TV, and bathroom before her. She stared at these things, bland and unblinkingly, trying to forget Ness' hurt expression after she hit him. Her mind was running rampant with about everything imaginable. She thought about before she joined the Smash roster, how upset she was upon leaving home, and she thought about Claus.

…

…

She should've known better than to get involved. Ness wasn't one to avoid temptation. Why _wouldn't_ he already have a girlfriend? But then again... She and Ness didn't come from the same time period. Was it really fair he couldn't have a girlfriend without breaking time and space? Were her thoughts selfish?

She wasn't sure. He could've at least told her. That probably wouldn't have changed anything, but she felt so... used! ...And Paula was so pretty. Her PSI abilities far exceeded hers, and she could even read minds. It'd be a no-brainer for Ness if he had to choose. The very idea made her sick. Lucas wasn't one to hold grudges, but she was beyond sore at Ness for doing this.

So, in the end, whose fault was it? Hers for coming onto him or his for lying? He _was _the one who led her on all this time. At least she didn't have a boyfriend behind her back. She froze.

...For the first time ever, Lucas came to the horrifying fact she'd never once called Ness her boyfriend, ever. Not even in her thoughts. Granted, Ness'd never referred to her as his girlfriend either, but doing so would put him at the risk of calling her Paula, probably during sex.

She ran fingers through her ruffled hair and groaned loudly. Ugh, she was tired of revolving around Ness 24/7! Look what it'd done to her! He was supposed to be her surrogate Claus, but Ness wasn't her brother. No matter how much she hoped or envisioned him as such, he wasn't her brother. He never would be. She'd been running from reality since the day she met Ness, but being in denial wouldn't bring Claus back.

She knew this, but it hurt. It hurt so much. So much.

Laying back down, a tear ran down her cheek. "I'm sorry, Claus. I'm so sorry..."

* * *

Later forced up by hunger pangs, Lucas arrived in the lunchroom pretty late. It was last call before breakfast ended. Disregarding that, she, almost routinely, went through the phases of acquiring food.

She sat down, putting her tray on the table with a sigh. Lucas was so distraught, she just noticed everything she got were things Ness would've chose; a plain hamburger, two slices of pepperoni pizza, large grilled steak, and a canned root beer.

...She recalled Ness sometimes being lazy and asking her to fix both their meals. He always did like junk food...

As if on cue, the other girls swarmed the table and took their seats. They all looked ready to blab and gossip about insignificant things such as the weather or a wardrobe malfunction that happened months ago... much to Lucas' chagrin. Zelda was the first to speak.

"Good morning, Lucas," she greeted, following it with a yawn. "Whew... Shouldn't have stayed up so late last night..."

"Yeah, things got a little out of hand after midnight," added Samus.

"That's exactly why I left," scoffed Peach. "I knew someone'd get hurt in that Ultimate Chimera pinata game. You guys just wouldn't listen."

"Well, Wolf and Ike are recovering in the Infirmary. At worst, they'll be needing a sling or some crutches," Zelda responded.

"That never would've happened if Mario didn't jump on its button and turn it back on," muttered the bounty hunter.

Peach daintily stirred her tea. "He was trying to make sure it was still off. Link said he saw it move."

Samus buttered some toast. "Only after he kicked it. DK managed to turn it off, and it didn't move an inch until Link decided to do that. Technically, this is on him."

"DK punched it in the teeth! How did that turn it off?"

"...Well, it stopped moving..."

"That only stunned it. He never touched the button..."

Before this started an inevitable argument, Zelda addressed Lucas. "Hey, where's Ness today? It's almost lunch and he's still not here. Have you seen him lately?"

Lucas stared at her food. "No."

She seemed skeptical. "While we're on the subject, I wanted to ask you something... About last night."

"What?"

"I came in early after the party, and I thought heard arguing and you crying. Nothing bad happened, did it?"

"No. I'm fine. I don't know where Ness is," she quickly lied.

Samus looked Lucas over. "Did he hit you? Did you hit him? Who started it? Think you need some medical attention? Don't be modest if you do."

"No, we didn't hit each other. It's fine..."

"Arguing?" Peach perked up. "What happened? You okay? What'd Ness do? Why were you two fighting?"

"Nothing happened. That was the TV."

"But I heard you-"

Zelda didn't get to finish before Lucas slammed her fists on the table. **_"NO! It was nothing, okay? Just… just let go! It was the TV!"_**

That sudden outburst made about half the lunchroom go quiet, turning towards the ladies' table. Did Lucas actually just scream?

Peach looked around, attempting to cover for her. "Well!" she loudly said, "if you see Ness, tell him he needs to get ready for the wedding tonight! ...It's at 7pm sharp, all right?"

Lucas realized what she was doing, and didn't appreciate it. Bringing Ness up was the last thing she wanted anyone to do, especially in such a demeaning matter. Was this all they were now? The stars of a shotgun wedding? The laughing stock of house? If Lucas didn't know any better, which she didn't, she'd think Peach was trying to tease her.

"...I think I need to be excused," she said, getting up.

"What?" Zelda stood and tried to soothe her. "Lucas, calm down. Whatever we said, we didn't mean it."

"No, I need to leave. I'm not hungry."

"..." Zelda respected her wish and sat down.

Seeing this, the other Smashers became aloof. Realizing this was _Lucas_ they were talking about, and she was surrounded by overbearing women, she had good reason to scream. Thus, they went back to minding their own business.

Samus was poised to say something, but Lucas was already halfway to the door. Peach surveyed the table.

"I get the feeling she's upset."

* * *

Word spread fast in Smash Mansion. Something two or three people knew an hour ago could be gossip to half the house if they weren't careful.

Toon Link had long heard about Lucas' earlier outburst through the grapevine. It was none of his business, but contrary to most, there was a good enough reason as to why this happened.

He found himself at the bottom of the staircase leading to the foyer. Half of him wanted to pursue Lucas, but if she was that upset earlier, she probably wasn't over it yet. To make things even more awkward, he heard something about an argument? Between her and Ness? Where was he, anyway?

His wandering eventually led him outside to see Kirby and Popo bouncing a beach ball around. Wanting to talk someone who'd take him seriously, he approached.

"Afternoon, TL!" greeted Kirby, bouncing the ball off his head. "Why so glum, chum?"

Toon Link looked around. "Kirby, something's wrong."

Popo stopped, the ball literally going over his head. "Can you be more specific? There's, like, a million things wrong here..."

"With Lucas. She hasn't hasn't been herself since last night."

Kirby turned his head. "You're always the first to think something's wrong. Sure you're not naturally suspicious?"

"Making your way through dark and dingy dungeons does that to you."

"Ooh, alliteration!" Popo laughed, not getting the point.

"I hate to say it, but Kirby's probably right," said Nana, walking up. "It's barely afternoon; Ness is probably still sleeping."

"No, not that. I heard from Zelda this morning they may've been arguing last night."

"That was probably the TV," suggested Kirby. "What would they have to argue over?"

He sighed. "Well, Lucas seemed pretty bummed this morning, and I have a feeling foul play is afoot... I think something really _did_ happen. To make things worse, the last time I saw Ness, he looked pretty mad."

"Today?" asked Nana.

"Late last night. He was coming out of the house and looked furious."

"Where was Lucas?"

"I don't know. I thought she went to bed, but the door to their room was open when I came in with Zelda. And when got to our room, it slammed it shut. And is it me, or did anyone else notice Red was more smug than usual on his way to bed? And Ness disappeared after what looked like a standoff with Red earlier. I didn't see the outcome, but Ness wasn't there either."

Everyone stared blankly.

Seeing no one else was gonna say anything, Kirby did. "Have you ever thought of a shrink?"

Popo was flabbergasted. "He can _shrink_ himself?"

* * *

...Ness awoke with a killer headache...

In the middle of somewhere far and distant...

Like a dream...? Maybe?

Becoming aware he may've been dreaming, Ness actually began to regain consciousness, hands groggily rubbing his face. Something told him he was suffering from a premature hangover.

Despite opening his eyes, he noticed it was pitch-black in all directions. The sour smell of something unnatural for human consumption assaulted his nose The floor was cold, rough, and metallic, unlike any authorized room in Smash Mansion... Where was he?

He massaged his head a bit, standing up to get his bearings. Then, he began to remember last night.

...Last night... What happened last night...?

...

...

...Red! That bastard! Whatever he made Ivysaur do must of knocked him out.

Frowning, he began walking to get outta wherever he was. Ooh, when he found Master Hand...!

His thoughts of revenge were halted when he suddenly bumped into something really cold and hard, like the floor... He placed his hands on it blindly, feeling large cell bars before him. Bending them was to no avail. What the hell...?

He took out his bat and dragged it around on the bars, eventually finding out what he feared.

He was in a cage.

This thought making him more angry than scared, he attacked the cage relentlessly, hoping he'd break a lock or smash it open... something! The bat didn't work, his PSI didn't work, his kicks and punches left him sore all over. Rocking the stupid cage back and forth, Ness came to the realization he was suspended in the air, the chain holding the cage thickly clanking against his struggles. Since he still couldn't see, who knew what was beneath him? Spikes, bottomless pit, water, or the fall itself could kill him if it was high enough.

Sitting down, he held his head in deep concentration to see if he could hear the thoughts of anybody, somebody nearby. This was a sick joke, Red, even for you...

His mind-reading was shattered as a huge double door burst open before him, harsh light making him squint. So did this mean he was in the foyer...?

"Wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey!" An annoyingly familiar voice demanded, madly shaking his cage. He knew who it was, he could never forget that voice. But why was he here? Or, to be more frank, where were _they_?

A crank or something turned, dropping the cage to the floor. Okay, so he wasn't high enough to be killed, but brain trauma was just as bad...

"Well, Ness," he heard, being picked up. "It's been a while, and you hit puberty! But you need a haircut bad, man. You look like a really ugly girl with that ponytail."

Ness responded by hocking a loogie on him.

Porky looked at him flatly. "I bet you think that's real cute, don'tcha?"

"This is called... a _rat_tail. Get it _right_."

The cage was shaken again. "Who do think you are? You're up for ransom, Ness! This is your new home, and I can make it a living hell if I want!"

"Don't tempt me," Ness growled, "This cage isn't PSI resistant. I'll get outta here eventually..."

There was a pause before Porky spoke again. "I don't think you understand the situation you're in, Ness! You wouldn't be so cocky if you knew what we have in store for you!"

His captive scoffed. "Porky, you're so full of sh-"

He stopped when he noticed three silhouettes appearing in the light of the open doors, entering and circling around their prisoner. Apparently, Porky wasn't bluffing.

("Hello, there. So nice to see you again.")

"Yeah, right. If I go blind, so will you! ...And then, I'll kill you!"

"Can we eat boy now?"

Ness recognized all the voices immediately, and, like rubbing salt in his wounds, the double doors shut, plunging the room into darkness again. A dim, basement-like ceiling lamp flickered on to show off the metallic, factory-like room. It also showed Petey, Ridley, Rayquaza, and especially Porky surrounding him on all sides. The lamp slowly swayed back and forth as a constant reminder that Ness wasn't seeing things.

"So what do we do with him now?" asked Ridley.

Porky dropped the cage. "You heard Red; keep 'em hostage 'til we hear from him again."

Ness snapped out of his reeling from the drop. "Red?"

Rayquaza nodded. ("Mmhm, and the girl?")

"She's fine. Red'll bring her to us eventually, but we have to show off our little prisoner first. Can't officially start the plan 'til then."

"The girl?"

"Hoist him back up, we can't let him get away. If he breaks out, we're screwed!"

Rayquaza and Ridley started to Ness hang back up, but were rattled by him furiously shaking the cage.

_"You let me outta this damn thing right now! Don't you touch her!" _he roared._  
_

"Uh oh!" teased Porky. "Guys, I think we stepped on a nerve!"

"Leave Lucas outta this! Kill me if you want, but leave her alone!"

("Um, why would we want to capture Lucas?") blankly asked Rayquaza.

He stopped. "But... you said-"

"We said 'the girl', not the 'the gay'," snorted Porky.

Ness was iffy about this. "...What's her name?"

"Pfft, what so you take us for? You can't not know the name of the fair Princess Luana!"

Ness facepalmed so hard, he almost knocked himself out. Lucas and "Luana" were two different people to these guys, so maybe this was a good thing. He stumbled over as Ridley cranked the cage back up, Rayquaza making sure it was hooked properly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ness. Are you uncomfortable?" asked Porky. He grabbed the cage's bottom, pulled it forward and released, letting it swing back and forth. "Once your little friends show up, you'll feel better. Until we kill you all, anyway."

* * *

_**"Emergency! Emergency! Alert! Alert!"** _bellowed Master Hand on the intercom.

Quite a few heads looked up, Nana asking, "What now?"

**_"Will everyone please report to the Data Room for an emergency broadcast?"_**

"Again?" Kirby asked. "Why?"

Toon Link looked at him. "What do you mean, 'again'?"

"A drill for emergencies broadcasts," answered Nana. "Don't bother, it's only a test."

_**"This is not a test! I repeat;This is not a test!"**_

Popo smirked. "He's probably over exaggerating again."

Nana made a face. "What do you mean, 'again'?"

The little swordsman sighed. "...Let's just go see what he wants."

* * *

By the time the kids arrived, the room was flooded with the house's other occupants. Their guesses were as good as anyone else's as the crowd buzzed with anticipation about what could be this urgent. Master and Crazy Hand sat before them, hovering near the main computer.

"This is horrible, terrible, a complete disaster that could befall us all!" exclaimed Master Hand, silencing the fighters.

Popo raised a hand. "Can you tell us the bad news so we can panic about it?" This earned him a smack on the head, courtesy of Nana. This caused more murmuring and talking.

"Smashers, I talk you as a friend, not an adversary and/or leader," said the hand, taking on a serious pose... Well, for a hand, anyway. "What has happened today has to be one of the lowest and frantic points in Smash history. If things don't come out right, this will affect, me, you, and the entire decade or so of Super Smash Brothers."

Faclo scoffed. "Yeah, right. It's probably just a rogue boss or something. No biggie."

"Yes, biggie!" Both the hands typed madly on the large keyboard. "We have an incoming message!"

"So?" shrugged Sonic. "Maybe it's fan mail or something..."

"The sources are from..." Master Hand turned to gravely look at everyone, "beyond the borders of the house."

...Not sure what that meant, the Smashers exchanged confused glances and head-scratching.

Sonic half-smiled, shrugging again. "...So, that's fan mail, right?"

"Ugh! No!" The giant hands slammed themselves onto the keyboard, turning the large screen on. It was white noise for a moment, then the vision gradually became clear.

"Hello?" Someone on the transmission asked, tapping the camera. "Hello? Hello, hello! This thing on?"

"No, you gotta hit it like this!" A loud thump was heard, the screen becoming clear, laying sideways on a cement ground. "Ah, there we go."

"See, it's even better! We got fan _video_ mail!" happily announced Sonic. This caused Mario and several others to facepalm and groan.

"Who are you and what do you want?" randomly demanded Dedede to the screen.

"Well, wouldn't you like to know?" teased the second voice.

Ike frowned. "Yeah, we would... That's what he just said."

No one noticed, but Lucas' eyes shot wide. Immediately, she scrambled behind a nearby Bowser. He was too busy being angry at the screen to notice, but... That voice! ...It couldn't be!

Pikachu scoffed. ("_Anyone_ wanna tell us who that is?")

"C'mon, this isn't a game of 'Guess Who'!" growled Pit. "Spill the beans already!"

"Aw, I'm shocked none of you remember!" The camera was picked up and focused on Porky, who snorted. "Surprise, it's me! You losers!"

Behind Bowser, Lucas went pale. This was bad, very bad. She had enough problems with him before, but if he saw her-as a girl, nine months pregnant, and somehow discovered Ness was the father-she'd basically be signing a death warrant for all three of them.

"The Porkster's not alone either!" announced another voice, who struggled to pull the camera away. Successful, it focused on Ridley. "Samus! I see you over there! It's been a while!"

She scoffed, turning away. "Not long enough."

"You still didn't answer my question!" reminded Dedede. "What do you guys want?"

Ridley snapped to attention. "Ooh, want to get down to business? Fine! We got a hold of one of your precious Smashers, and now you'll have to pay the price!"

"Laaaaaaaaame!" booed Wario. "He's bluffing, and I know it! I mean what dumbass would wander off and get captured by you?"

"Oh, really?" He turned the camera to point at Petey Piranha. "Feast your eyes on... this!"

The focus had a sight seizure, but eventually zoomed in on Petey and the cage. In said cage was Ness.

Seeing this, the plant grinned. "We have boy with hat in cage here! Boy with hat and bat here!"

This made Ness wince and look up, embarrassed and somewhat horrified he was basically a damsel in distress. They were broadcasting to the whole house, shaming him in front of everyone, basically. Somber, he looked on in bemusement, hoping Lucas wasn't seeing this.

Sadly, Lucas _was_ there, and very unsure of how to feel now. First Porky, and now this? She was mostly embarrassed and still upset at him, but if Ness did this as a joke or to get her attention, she was infuriated. Her earlier worries faded into bitter angst.

"He's being held for ransom over at the depths of Subspace!" said Ridley.

Porky took control of the camera. "Come and get 'em... if you dare! Hahahaha!"

Frowning, Rayquaza moved the camera to himself. ("You now have 24 hours to make your decision. Either you get your little Smasher back,") He backed up, showing Petey holding the disgruntled Ness, ("or we'll have to shake things up a bit.")

Petey went nuts. "Yes, yes! Shaky, shaky, shaky, shaky!"

He took both his leafy limbs and shook Ness' cage extra hard and even longer than before. To say the least, Ness was pretty shaken up.

"You fiend!" growled Marth. "Let him go! What'd he ever do to you?"

("Nothing, we're bad guys; this is what we do,") Rayquaza moved the camera to his face. ("And you'll have to fight us to get him back!")

Ridley snatched the camera. "Meet us beyond your pathetic little borders! In Subspace! For the Mother of Boss Battles!"

Everyone made a face.

"...See what I did there? I-it's a joke; he comes from the Mother series, and I said-"

Porky knocked him away. "And don't try any funny stuff this time! Those giant gloves there can't help you!"

For some reason, everyone gasped.

"Come by nightfall, or else Ness won't live through it! Hahahaha!" Porky cackled.

("Didn't we have 24 hours?") questioned Yoshi.

"Well..." He looked disgruntled. "Now it's tonight! You can't afford to think it's tomorrow!"

_"But we don't have enough time!"_ whispered Ridley off-screen.

"We'll make enough time!" responded Porky, not bothering to mask it. This caused him to accidentally to drop the camera, the sideways ground turning to static.

"..." Master Hand was quiet for a moment.

Mario walked up to him. "Well, what should we do?"

He faced his fighters. "We've nothing _to_ do but storm Subspace and bring Ness back by force."

"But... it'll be a trap! And capture us all!" cried Red. "We... can't just march out there and demand Ness back! Why... Who knows what'll happen? That'll just make things worse!"

Toon Link was the only one who noticed, but Red was faking it. He could tell by his overdramatic tone and unnecessary pauses in speech, like he was _too_ _distraught_ to finish.

"He's right, you know," said Link, wagging a finger. "Traps everywhere. I know it better than anyone. And that means we'll need a plan first."

A discussion began to brew. Talk about the situation at hand, how to fix it... And about how Ness got his ass captured in the first place.

Master Hand made a halting gesture. "Enough, enough! We don't have time to discuss this. Link's onto something about needing a plan, and I think I have one... Crazy, the keyboard."

_**"YES SIRE, EUREKA!"** _The crazy sibling typed what seemed like nonsense on the keyboard, but upon pushing "Enter", the screen displayed a detailed map of the entire "World of Smash". With Smash Mansion being a lowly dot in the middle, Master Hand pointed to it.

"There are approximately 30 accessible areas in the outer reaches of the house. Due to this, I ask for volunteers for each area. Please don't get ahead of yourself and only ask for areas you've either been in or fit the scape of. Everyone with an airship, get them ready and allow Smashers on. We don't have time to argue about who goes where, so first come, first serve. Understand?"

Everyone without a ship saluted. "Understood!"

Everyone with ship ran off. "Understood!"

"Smashers, I trust you'll take the right path that's to your advantage. You're not trying to show off, so do this diligently."

"Yes, sir!"

"If anyone runs into a boss, by all means, run! This is a rescue, not a competition." He motioned to Mario, who walked off. "If anyone needs backup or finds Ness, but isn't 100% confident they can retrieve him, radio to your nearest ally with an aircraft's communication ports. I know everyone has one. Contact the pilot if you can't locate or use yours. No funny stuff, either; insubordination will not be tolerated."

Mario returned to the room with a clipboard. "As main representative, I take it upon myself to keep track of everyone, so sign up here. Put your ship's name and if you're a captain or rider, please. Thanks!"

Bowser to raised a claw. "Wait a sec! Doesn't Meta Knight have this huge-ass ship that can hold a thousand people and fire lasers and stuff?"

"Yes," answered the hand.

"Why can't we all ride on there?"

"Because they'll be expecting that. The Halberd is a huge target, and was even used as a distraction for you and Ganondorf to shoot down. Thank you _so_ _much_ for that, by the way," he sarcastically finished.

He crossed his arms. "Well, it's not like we killed anyone..."

"Due to this, I suggest Halberd riders board only if they have the utmost confidence in themselves, as you'll be both our trump card and fall guys. I leave you to choose your ride and patrolling area," said the appendage. "Once Ness is freed, radio to me, and Crazy and I will come to your aid. Remember! No joking around."

Fortunately, everyone seemed to actually listen to him for once and chose very wisely. ...Of course, after signing their choices on Mario's clipboard, everyone went barreling out the door for first dibs on the aircrafts. Master Hand always took things too seriously; this was gonna be fun!

It wasn't long before only five Smashers remained. A deep-in-thought Toon Link, the disgruntled Ice Climbers, and Lucas, who had no reason to get caught up in this. Oh, and Red, too; he seemed suspiciously nonchalant, though.

"You're going to go, right?" asked Master Hand, looking at the small swordsman. "The airships are waiting."

"Something's not right, MH." He crossed his arms, frowning and tapping his foot. "I know that sounds cliche, but it's not. I'm not trying to point fingers, but I smell treason."

"Do tell-"

Red slowly raised his hand.

The hand acknowledged him. "Are you asking a question?"

"Can you answer it?"

"Proceed."

"I have flight in the form of Charizard. Can I travel on him?"

"No. There will be at least two Smashers in each area. No flying solo."

Red chuckled at the unintended pun. "Well, I have Charizard, Ivysaur, and Squirtle at my disposal. Counting me, that would be four Smashers. That's twice the requirement."

Master Hand rubbed his "invisible chin". "I suppose that's true. Any reason for this departure?"

"Huh? Oh. No, I just want to cover more ground. Charizard may be slower than a spaceship, but he sure is more nimble."

"Agreed. Carry on."

Toon Link kept his eyes on Red as he sauntered out of the room. Everything about that conversation reeked of lies. Red was up to something, and the fact he _winked_ at him as he disappeared from the doorframe only added fuel to the fire.

"Popo, we can't just jump into the Ruins like that!" argued Nana. "Why not the Glacial Peak? You know, where we were _last_ time?"

Popo waved his arms around. "Ice, ice, ice! We always do the same thing, Nana! Would it kill you to try something different?"

"Well, we aren't called the**_ Ice Climbers_ **for nothing!"

"Okay, then! Rock, paper, scissors!" declared Popo. "If I win, the Ruins!"

"And if I win, we go to Glacial Peak!" also declared Nana.

And so they played rock, paper, scissors. Nana got paper and Popo probably got scissors, but since they were wearing gloves, no one could tell. That was Nana's chance.

"I got rock. I win," she lied.

Popo pouted. "Fine, but when you start getting tired of slushies and popsicles, don't come crying to me!"

"Sure, whatever, let's go." With that, she yanked him out he door and towards the aircrafts.

Master Hand sighed as the two ran out. "Toon Link, I don't mean to rush, but you still haven't chosen-" He stopped mid-sentence to notice the young hero tending to a flustered Lucas.

"Oh... Lucas!" He hovered over to her. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about you."

"...You're not the first one," she mumbled.

"To be honest, I'm not sure what we should do, what with you in your condition and all."

Lucas didn't seem to care. Paranoia was beginning to set in from the mere thought of what Porky would do to her and her unborn child if they ran into each other. And all because Ness was being held ransom for wandering off.

For the first time ever, he was really starting to get on Lucas' nerves.

"Well, you certainly can't fight... And you can't stay here, in case of an ambush on the house..."

"Uh, Master Hand, sir... If I may say...?" proposed Toon Link. "Why don't you let her come with us?"

"But she can't-"

"Lucas won't fight. She'll stay onboard someone's ship and we can take turns watching her... or something."

"..." Master Hand went into his odd "scratching an invisible chin" gesture once more as he thought about it. "We'll have to make do, but only if she has bodyguards."

Toon Link looked to the psychic. "Is that okay with you?"

Lucas' response was interrupted by Fox radioing in from the computer. "Sir, everything is up and ready for takeoff."

"Good, that was fast! Very commendable!" He then addressed the blondes. "Time is of the essence. We're already taking too many risks, and we don't need anther one." Gathering magic in his finger, he pointed at them. "Do us proud. We're counting on you!"

"W-wait-!" Toon Link managed. "I don't think we should-!"

Too late. In a flash of light, they'd been transported to their designated location.

Toon Link finished with a sigh. "-be hasty..."

Upon inhaling, Lucas' nose immediately scrunched at the strong smell of oil and iron. She realized they were in the house's garage, where vehicles and ships resided. Gray and ginormous, it provided a seemingly-infinite amount of space for the behemoth Halberd and its smaller brethren, despite the outside not much bigger than a regular garage. Littering the floor were various tools, buckets of paint, ship parts, and grease stains. Stuff like that.

Oil-soaked worker R.O.B.s whizzed to and fro as makeshift mechanics, quickly giving each spaceship a last-minute check up before departure. Scattered murmurs from distant Smashers echoed within the stoney confines, voicing excitement, rules from the captains, or discussions on what to bring as carriage. This bothered Lucas; just how long would this rescue take?

Toon Link's voice snapped her to attention. "Lucas, did you hear me?"

"...What?"

"I said we have to go." He turned in the direction of the Halberd, taking her hand. "Come on."

Lucas may've been a scatterbrain, but she remembered what Master Hand said about riding this thing and didn't like it one bit. Resisting his pull, she made Toon Link look back.

"Can't we have... a safer choice? Did you even pick this one?"

"Huh?" He surveyed the scene. "Oh! You thought we were getting on the Halberd? No, no, that's too dangerous for you."

She sighed in relief as he led her along. "So which one _are_ we getting on?"

He chuckled. "I thought pairing up with Samus would give you some comfort. All the other girls are there, I'm sure."

"Oh," she flatly voiced. "That'll be... fun."

As they walked on, she noticed Kirby and a R.O.B. tinkering with his little Air Ride machines. What were they called again? The Dragon and Hydro? She wasn't sure. His Warp Star must've been been too slow for the trip. He noticed her and happily waved. She smiled and meekly waved back.

It wasn't long before they came to a stop at Samus and her ship. Was that its name? Or just her ship? Was the title of Samus' ship Samus' Ship? Who knows?

Samus looked up from a clipboard. "Hey, Pipsqueak. Come to join the cause?"

"Yep. I need Lucas to be with me all times, but I want her to be comfortable, so..."

"Ah." She scribbled something. "You always were the gentleman, TL. I got you two down, so go on in. The girls're busy packing."

"Thanks, will do. See you inside." Toon Link let Lucas' hand go and walked ahead. She was among friends now, a little freedom wouldn't hurt.

"Oh, by the way!" Samus called. "If you see more than one luggage per person, throw it off! You have my permission!"

Walking away, Lucas hoped this wasn't a harbinger of any in-flight squabbling. She walked amid busy R.O.B.s towards the vessel, its hatch open for entry. She carefully stepped up and inside, suddenly plunged into the shadows. Momentarily startled, her eyes quickly adjusted to show it wasn't complete darkness; a myriad of soft blinking lights, gizmos, and gadgets illuminated things enough for her to see. They were entrancingly soothing...

The control panels glowed like lava lamps, a huge windshield showing Peach and Zelda walking around outside. In front of that was Samus' chair, two seats behind that, then a metallic bench in the back. As Toon Link claimed a chair, she noticed Pikachu in the back. Upon closer inspection, he was asleep, curled up in Samus' helmet.

"You like it?" asked the swordsman. "It's cool, huh? Here, sit next to me."

Still looking around, she sat in the adjacent seat. "It's really pretty in here."

"I know, right?" He swiveled around. "I've never ridden in anything so technologically advanced! I wasn't around for the final battle last time, so I kind of missed out. Which ship were you on?"

Lucas looked ahead at the outside world, suddenly somber. "Toon Link?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think... I'm a bad person?"

He perked up. "No, of course not. Who told you that?"

"...I was in here last time."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was terrified, so my memory's a bit fuzzy, but I do remember I cried."

"Why?"

"...Because I thought Ness was dead. The only reason he was turned into a trophy was because of me. When I ran into Red, he told me he was searching for his Pokemon, so we went together."

She mentally replayed the adventure through the window as if watching a flashback.

"We walked for miles and looked everywhere. Red found Ivysaur and Charizard, so I figured Ness couldn't be far off, but one thing led to another and we kept getting ambushed, so I got sidetracked and forgot. It wasn't until we loaded up for takeoff I remembered. I wanted to go back and look for him, but no one would let me. I was so distraught."

"Don't worry, Ness is okay. That's why Master Hand implemented this whole trophy thing. If we get mortally wounded, we don't die; just become trophies."

"That's not it." She faced him. "I heard you asking around about what happened at lunch, and you were right; Ness and I _did_ have an argument last night."

Toon Link had no time to hitch his breath in fear before he swiveled outta his seat, startled. He was right! By the gods, he was right!

"I think our fight made him run away and get captured. It's because of me he got into trouble again, like déjà vu. Being in here reminds me of my mistakes." She reclined, closing her eyes. "All this preparation, all the risks... If something happens to us, you'll have me to blame."

"Lucas, don't be so hard on yourself. Everything'll turn out fine, okay?" He hoisted himself up, pondering. "But what really bugs me is why would Ness run away? That's not like him..."

"I thought so, too. He'd usually keep to himself until he felt better." She sighed. "I'm still so mad at him, but I'm more worried-"

She was interrupted by a disgruntled Peach and Zelda entering and sitting in the back. Jigglypuff followed, also looking annoyed. Their huffiness woke Pikachu, who rubbed his face and frowned. Outside were several of their bags and suitcases, Samus carrying only three on her way in.

Handing each one to its owner, she sat in the front chair. "Pikachu, ready?"

"Ooh, yeah!" The mouse put her helmet on his head and scurried over, hopping on her shoulder. "Your co-captain, reporting for duty!"

"Alright, ladies," she joked, swiveling to face everyone. "Everything's packed and we're ready to go. Anyone nervous?"

Everyone except Toon Link and Pikachu raised their hand.

"Well, don't be." She turned back around. "All captains will be flying via cruise control so no one goes all hyperspace on us."

Her panel beeped and chirped as she pushed some buttons. The hatch clamped shut and the hull shuddered, ship engines roaring to life. This cause a collection of worried chatters. Their pilot flipped several switches and turned on a radio.

"Armored Woman to Firefox, Armored Woman to Firefox, do you copy?"

Fox answered. "Firefox to Armored Woman, I hear you loud and clear. All aircrafts are up and functional, communications stable. I'll do a connection test with the other captains, then give respective orders. Out."

Peach cleared her throat. "Uh... 'Armored Woman'?"

"Falcon suggested the captains have code names. This is a rescue mission, so we might need to go incognito. We chose our own, in case you were wondering."

Zelda was about to voice why that made absolutely _no_ sense whatsoever, but decided against it. Instead, she shrugged. Everyone else did as a response, and that was that.

Samus went back to playing piano with the controls until Fox radioed back. "All connections are in working order. Everyone is online now. Initiate departure!"

"Initiating departure!" echoed Falco. In his cockpit, he was heard pulling a lever.

A warning siren blared outside, cuing the R.O.B.s to clear out for their safety. Once distanced on the side of the room, they collectively waved goodbye to the passengers. The room shook heavily as the floor parted beneath the flyers, bringing forth a gargantuan, circular pad with the Smash Bros. symbol on it. Everyone in Saums' crew was nothing short of awestruck. Even Pikachu was aghast, slowly lifting her helmet off his head.

"Captains, group together," instructed Fox. "Have your ships at the ready."

The loud rumbling and hissing of the opening floor became combined with the deafening sound of a dozen or so thrusters activating. First, Captain Falcon, then Falco, Wolf, and so on. No sooner had Fox started his Arwing, the pad beneath them jerked and began a slow descent, much like an elevator.

Above them, the hatch they entered through sealed shut with a hollow clang, startling several of the more skittish riders. Their fear didn't last long, though, as the darkness of the corridor became illuminated in a world of cyan, white, and yellow lights, courtesy of the high-technical transportation mechanisms. Lucas always thought technology was the root of all evil, but was gradually being persuaded otherwise. Gradually.

"Enjoying the light show?" smugly asked Samus. "Those R.O.B.s really cleaned up down here. Get ready for a joyride next."

("A what?") Jigglypuff flinched, the ship jerking to a stop.

The mechanical noises geared up and began whirring again, this time propelling the pad forwards at lightning speed. The lights dotting the tube zipped by them in streaks, making the scene equatable to traveling through a wormhole to another dimension. A light sparkled at the end of the tunnel as their exit.

Fox chose this time as good as any to proclaim, "Squadrons, prepare for takeoff in 10, 9, 8, 7..."

Pikachu put Samus' helmet back on. ("Here it comes, this is gonna be _intense_!")

"6, 5, 4..."

Suddenly unnerved, Lucas seized Toon Link's hand. He glaceed at her out the corner of his eye, as did she. With a smile, he squeezed back.

"3, 2, 1... **_Blast off_**!"

Everyone kicked it into high gear at the last second, pushing through the blinding light. Immediately, they shot into the air at ludicrous velocity, tearing off the launching pad into the vast blue.

"All right," said Samus. "We've achieved liftoff. You guys can open your eyes now."

Her crew obeyed and reluctantly opened their eyes or dropped their hands to see an ocean of clouds brushing by the window. Mouths agape, everyone but Lucas swarmed to the window for a better look. The view from where she sat was nice enough, thank you.

"Units, report in," radioed Fox.

Samus answered. "Armored Woman here, we're a-ok."

"Howling Moon. I'm good." That was Wolf.

"Star Falco has left the building." Falco, obviously.

"Falcon Fists is a-go-go!" Captain Falcon, also obviously.

"Nosegay here. Everything's peachy." That was Olimar.

"Shining Armor. We're in peak condition." Finally, that was Meta Knight.

"That was a flawless departure, guys. Thanks for cooperating, and remember our formation for travel. I'll take the lead, Falco and Wolf on both sides of my tail. Samus, Falcon, and Olimar will escort one another in a horizontal line behind us, and the Halberd will bring up the rear. Do not, I repeat,_ do not_ deviate from central command unless you have my sayso." He was heard typing something. "Samus, coordinates."

"What coordinates? It's second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning."

He chuckled. "Samus, I'm shocked. You're not one to joke like that."

"Let's say it's good to be behind the wheel again. It's a good day for flying." She quickly checked. "189.15 degrees North, 19.74 degrees West."

"Roget that," said Fox. "Set ships to cruise and follow me, everyone!"

"Will do." The radio clicked off. Samus steered the ship so she was in the middle of the formation; Fox, Falco, and Wolf ahead, Captain Falcon and Olimar to her sides. Everyone still at the window clamored in joy.

She fiddled with the controls until satisfied and swiveled around. "Well, that's that. Sorry, guys. I don't have an in-flight movie or anything, so feel free to talk or chill until we get there."

"How long's the ride, anyway?" asked Peach.

"At the rate we're going, 3 hours and 45 minutes. It'd be 1 hour and 18 minutes if I wasn't on cruise control."

That didn't sit well with Jigglypuff. ("Ugggh... Can you at least play some music?")

"We're flying in the stratosphere, so I doubt I could get signals from a radio station. ...However it is we usually _can _get them."

("You have some of your own, right?")

"I do, but I'm a rock/metal kind of girl, so..."

("Ew!") She recoiled. ("By all means then, don't play it.")

"I'm okay with anything," meekly said Toon Link.

("I like both!") proclaimed Pikachu, driving with a pretend steering wheel on the dashboard.

Peach frowned. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Aw, don't be a stick in the mud." Samus stooped down to reach under the control panel. "I'll have it at a reasonable volume so you guys can still talk or rest. Life needs background music, right?"

"I wouldn't mind flying in silence," said Zelda, "but I'm not complaining. Peach, did you bring any tea?"

She turned, holding a teakettle and two teacups. "I never leave my room without it!"

The two returned to the backseat. "Let's pick up where we left off after lunch. The coin match with Ike and Wario? Completely biased."

"It's like they _wanted_ to knock you out first!"

No sooner had they reached the back, Samus' music began to play. Rock guitars began to riff wildly, backed up by an insane amount of drumming to create a scrambled melody of soothing madness. Well, for Samus and Pikachu, anyway. It was at moderate volume, fortunately.

Meanwhile, said captain began reading a magazine entitled _Bounty Hunters Illustrated, _dangling legs crossed over her armrest. Pikachu sat at the middle of the windshield, still wearing her helmet and pretending to drive. Zelda and Peach gossiped in the back as Jigglypuff tried to sleep on the floor in front. Lucas sighed, cutting her eyes at Toon Link, who timidly smiled. She returned it.

"Thanks for holding my hand back there. I think I was about to loose it..."

"Sure, no problem. I was nervous, too." He looked her over. "How're you feeling now?"

"Tired, actually." She closed her eyes. "Getting airborne really took it out of me... Would you mind if I took a nap?"

"No, go ahead. I'll just sit here and... daydream. People always say I have my head in the clouds, anyway." He laughed at himself.

"Can I... borrow your hat?" she quietly asked.

"Uh, I guess so." He reluctantly removed his cap and handed it to her. "What for?"

"Makeshift sleep mask." She put it on and pulled it over her eyes, looking admittedly silly as her fluffy hair protruded from underneath. Satisfied, she cooed, "Good night..."

The little green hero sighed, all to himself in his thoughts now. With incoherent rock raging in the background, he bent over and reached under his seat to pull out a clipboard; the same one Samus wrote on earlier. It had a rundown of all ships, captains, riders for her convenience.

After glancing over it, he sighed and looked ahead, out the window to see the flying ships in front of them. He crossed his arms.

"Ness," he muttered to himself, "you didn't run away, did you? I don't know what happened or why, but this was no accident..."

He glanced over the clipboard one last time before thoughts of possible scandal immersed him.

* * *

**_Halberd _**

_**Captain:** Meta Knight_

_Riders:_ Mario, Wario, Lucario, Snake, Marth, Ike, Link, Kirby* Bowser, Ganondorf_  
_

* * *

**_The Hocotate_**

_**Captain:** Olimar_

_Riders: _DK, Yoshi, Red*

* * *

**_Arwing 1 and 2, The Wolfen_**

_**Captain:** Fox, Falco, Wolf_

_Riders: _Sonic (w/ Fox), Diddy (w/ Falco), Pit (w/ Wolf)

* * *

**_The Falcon Flyer_**

_**Captain:** Captain Falcon_

_**Riders:** _Mr. Game and Watch, King Dedede, Luigi, R.O.B., Ice Climbers

* * *

**_Samus' Ship_**

_**Captain:** Samus_

_**Riders: **_Pikachu, Toon Link, Lucas, Zelda, Peach, Jigglypuff

_*Kirby and Red are to be deployed upon arrival. They will act as separate pilots, assigned to scouting various areas._

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** I feel like this chapter petered off towards the end, sorry 'bout that. And yes, Nosegay is an actual word. Look it up, I dare you.  
_


	33. The Undeniable Outcome

**_Authoress' Notes_**_**:** I honestly have nothing to say, so on with the show!_

* * *

**__****_He Said, She Said_**  


_**Chapter 32:** The Undeniable Outcome_

* * *

...

...

"...Uhhh..."

Ness' head swam in a shroud of mist as his felt himself gaining consciousness... He could hear himself grunt and groan, his breathing deep and slow. Feeling slowly crept back into his body as he felt his face contort in confusion. His eyes opened before he could think, suddenly closing them at harsh, white light. He felt an eerie draft, but with a familiar feeling. From what he could tell, he was sitting on a cushion or couch.

"...Ness? Ness?"

That voice... was unmistakable. It was Mario. He tried opening his eyes again, shielding them with a lazy hand. He was too dazed to question what was going on or why, but common sense and wishful thinking said he was back in Smash Mansion. ...But where?

"You're finally up," monotonously said the Italian.

Getting used to the light, Ness scoured the area for an inkling as to his location. The long, white hallway, doors placed left and right, the occasional waiting bench...

He was in the Informatory.

"You've been out for a while."

Ness turned his attention to the plumber, reeling back a little at his expression. Right off the bat, he noticed something was wrong...

He greeted him with a dour face and blank, soulless eyes. Not that he didn't tend to look like that every now and again, but he kept looking this way, as if wearing a petrified mask of this face. He reached out to touch Ness' shoulder, hand chilly as ice. Ness looked at him in horror.

"Lucas went into labor while you were out," he droned.

"...Really?" he awkwardly breathed. Eyes locked with Mario's, Ness stood. His legs felt like jelly in the cold, knee-high fog. "How... How did it go?"

"It was all right... I guess. Lucas and the baby made it out fine."

"You _guess_?" Ness shrugged, his gaze confused and distant. "Didn't you see what happened? Weren't you there?"

"Go ask Lucas." He removed his plastic gloves and walked off. "She'll tell you everything."

...Well, why wouldn't _he_ know? Didn't he deliver it? What was going on here?

Ness decided to take his advice and go ask Lucas just what the hell happened. He crept down the hallway, but he felt more like he was floating down a predetermined path not of his choosing. This dragged on for ages until he got to an opened door he felt... attracted to. Was Lucas in there?

He hated to say it, but he was a little nervous as he peeked from behind the doorframe. He wasn't a kid person, nor did he have a clue on how he should the address the matter. So he decided to improvise; it was the next best thing.

Confident and proud, he strolled into the room without a care in the world. As expected, Lucas was cuddled up in a bed, holding the bundle of joy in a blanket. She looked a little out of it, her eyes lazily rolling around the room as she watched him enter.

"Hey..." she whispered.

"Hey..." Ness answered cautiously.

He approached Lucas and began rubbing her soft, warm hair, making her purr. Curious, he leaned over and inspected the bundle without wanting to look too interested. Even after the birth of their child, Ness was still on his high horse and wanted to be as casual about this as possible. This didn't make him a bad person, did it?

After a long period of silence, he asked, "...So. Is it a boy or a girl?"

Lucas smiled. "A boy."

Ness fist pumped, startling her with a loud shout of, "YES!" Realizing this, he calmed down and whispered, "Oh. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's fine. I knew you'd be excited." She laughed quietly.

He beamed. "Does he look like me? What's he got? Or does he look like you?"

"Well, why don't we take a peek and see?" Lucas cooed, lifting a hand to remove the blanket.

"Woah, woah, woah! Stop! Hold the phone, here!"

The psychic pair looked up as none other than Red came barreling through the now apparently-closed door. He scrambled to his feet and dusted himself off, acting like nothing ever happened.

"Oh. Hi, Ness." He said, unenthusiastically. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Sorry, we didn't clear for losers to visit," sneered his rival.

"Whatever." He slapped his hands together, excited. "SO! Whaddya we got? Is it a boy or girl?"

"It's a none of your business, that's what," snapped Ness, approaching him.

Red now appeared modest. "Now, Ness, let's not start anything in front of the new mom and baby. We're adults here, c'mon."

Lucas massaged her brow. She was tired and didn't feel like dealing with this, so she relinquished herself.

"Ness?" she said, interrupting a heated glaring contest between the two, "Let's just show him and be done with it."

Red was ecstatic. "Oh, Lucas! I'm glad you see it my way! If it's any of Ness' business," He shot a look at the capped boy, "I actually came in here to take pictures of the little munchkin. Master Hand said so. It's for portfolio purposes."

"I don't see a camera anywhere," remarked Ness.

Red ignored him and went to dote over the blonde, who sighed. The male psychic got on the other side of her to make sure he didn't try anything funny. Lucas looked down and begin unwrapping the baby's blanket. The first thing revealed was his full head of hair. It was messy and brown, which seemed reminiscent of Ness' messy mane, but the next thing made him go pale.

The baby looked nothing like him. Ness'd seen Red's ugly mug enough to last him an eternity, so he knew his face when he saw it. This child didn't resemble Ness in the slightest and honestly, he didn't look like Lucas either. It was like Red had replicated himself.

"Well, whaddya know?" The Trainer grinned and rubbed a finger under his nose as some sort of a taunt. "He looks just like me! A chip off the old block, 'ey, Ness?"

The boy in question was speechless. Lucas was just as distraught, looking from Red, to the baby, then to Ness.

She trembled, close to tears. "I... I... Ness, I..."

Red pondered. "Hmm, so what should we name him? How about Victor? Y'know he's gonna be a Pokemon League Champion one day."

He pulled out the camera Ness wondered about and began taking a multitude of pictures. Lucas was crying now, confused and unbelieving of what just happened. To her, this was still their son, but he'd somehow been cursed with their greatest fear: to look like Red.

* * *

_**"AHHHHH!" **_

Ness awoke in a cold sweat, choking. His fright rocked him back in forth in his cage, of which, he was still a prisoner. His gasping soon turned to dry heaving. He shivered uncontrollably in an effort to calm himself, but was rudely interrupted by Porky shaking his cage for the 500th time.

"I said no naps! We might need to broadcast again tomorrow, so wake up!"

Ness didn't bother retorting, as he'd long lost his morale. Since last night, He'd been through Hell and back twice. His anger at the baddies was petty at best, but every snide remark earned his cage a good shaking. It fueled his agitation at first, but the shakings became longer and more violent until Ness finally learned his place and shut up.

Unfortunately, he was dealing with a crew of evil bastards. His suffering drove them to start rattling his cage for fun every half-hour or so. All he could do now was lay there like roadkill.

"Bah..." Porky pushed the cage away in a huff, leaving it to sway. "We can improvise."

"Porky, what's the point of going live again?" asked Ridley. Sitting in the middle of the room, he faced some sort of giant supercomputer with dozens of screens. "My sensors indicate they're on their way here. _All _of them." He turned around, looking annoyed. "I hope somebody has a plan."

"Plan shlan, we got the secret weapon, right?"

("Yeah, but what good is that if we don't know how to tackle these guys?") input Rayquaza. ("They walked all over us last time, so we need to prepare-")

"Gentlemen, gentlemen..." echoed a new voice.

Everyone looked up, including a halfhearted glance from Ness. Who was that?

It came for the far left of the room, from a humungous, shadowy doorway that led into another room. Its footsteps were nowhere near as big or heavy as the other bad guys, which only confused Ness further. As it got closer, he began hearing another set of different, heavier footsteps.

"We're not gonna get anywhere if we're at each others throats, c'mon," the voice slyly spoke.

The voice grew louder and clearer until whoever it was sounded less like a mystery and more like someone he knew. It wasn't long before the newcomer was revealed to be just that, a Newcomer Smasher.

It was Red. Ness almost choked on his own breath.

The Trainer stepped out of the darkness, a depressed Charizard at his side. For some reason, Red was wearing sunglasses and had a Ray Gun in tow.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, adjusting the glasses. "Had something to do..."

"You're an _hour_ late!" groaned Porky. "Where were you?!"

"Like I said, I had something to do." He motioned to Charizard who sighed and dropped something. Ness couldn't see what it was from his angle, but it was big and gray...

"You got puffball already?" slobbered Petey.

"Yeah, that's what took me so long. Why couldn't you build a smaller version of these guns? Took Charizard forever to lug it over, then Kirby got all suspicious, so I had to distract him, then he got even more suspicious... A big mess."

"Whatever," said Porky. "All that matters is you got him."

Ness was confused. What was he talking about? Guns? Kirby? Distraction? He eyes went to the gray thing on the floor. It was too far away to make out, but the more he thought about Kirby, the more it began to piece together...

The shape, the markings, the size...

That thing _was_ Kirby.

His trophy laid on its side, hapless and dead. Instead of Kirby's trademark smile and happy-go-lucky nature, his expression was startled and horrified, like he'd been betrayed by his best friend. His stubby arms were thrown up in surprise as he teetered on one foot.

Ness could almost see Kirby frantically waving them before he was hit, squeaking for Red to stop. It was clearly to no avail, but... why did his trophy look like this? Why didn't it have a Trophy Base? If Ness didn't know any better, he'd say the puffball had a bad run-in with Medusa or something...

He didn't have much longer to ponder this before his cage was rattled again. Porky snickered.

"See? Already did our part of the deal," he said.

Red made a face, removing his shades. "I know; you broadcasted it. Now all you need is the girl, and the house is yours."

("Then what're you gonna do after we take over?") asked Rayquaza.

He shrugged. "Leave, I guess."

("Aw, so soon? 'Cuz we were thinking of having a bad guy tournament. Super Smash Boss Brawl, we'll call it! We're taking resumes at the moment.")

"Eh..." Red scratched his head. "I'll think about it."

Porky pointed. "And what's what the glasses?"

"Incognito." He grinned. "If anyone saw what I did to Kirby, they'd squeal."

"Oh, gee," he sarcastically remarked. "That'll keep them guessing."

"You say that like it's a joke, but I guarantee at least half of them would be in the dark about this."

"At the risk of going off on a tangent more than we already have, please make sure Ness doesn't do anything stupid," growled Ridley, looking over everyone. Frowning, he turned to the computer again. "I've been watching the monitors for hours now, and I cannot express how annoyed I'll be if he escapes."

"We watch, we watch! Boy in hat not escape, but... we need plan, too," said Petey.

"We already got one, remember?" replied Red.

("I think we should trick them into killing each other with some crude remarks and immature name-calling over the intercom,") suggested the Rayquaza.

"That's a stupid plan," sneered Porky.

("I don't see you coming up with anything.")

Red shrugged. "What's there to come up with? Just let them come, then you can do the dirty work."

("What if we get bombarded like we did last time?")

"Well..." said Ridley, typing on the keyboard. "I can individually pinpoint each of the Smashers and track their coordinates. I doubt they know where we are, but I can send out security cameras from here to spread all over so we can see their every move. Thus, we merely confront each of them and take care of business."

He typed in something and every screen on the contraption changed to form a gigantic, digital picture of the ships soaring over the clouds. Everyone in the room astounded.

"Cool..." droned Porky, in awe.

"So that's the plan?" Red shrugged. "Espionage?"

Aside from Ridley, no one knew what that word meant, so they just went along with it. Shrugging, grumbling, head-rubbing confirmed it was unanimous.

"Great, it's settled." Red put his glasses back on, holding his gun up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see if I can corral some of 'em for you."

With that, and a motion to his Pokemon, he turned on his heel and darted back into the shadows, his footsteps growing fainter as he ran off. Charizard snorted and faced the door, contemplating on what to do next.

A quick look over his shoulder showed the bosses going back to their dirty work. Ridley's claws were a blur on the keyboard, with Porky pointing at various screens and nagging him to go faster. Meanwhile, Rayquaza showed off his best Wario impression to Petey, who stupidly clapped and requested Luigi next.

Seeing his chance, Charizard looked to Ness and waved, as if saying, "Don't worry, we got this under control". Ness wasn't too confident about this, but managed to give a thumbs up. Charizard nodded and took off, leaving Ness to rot. He glanced over Kirby's trophy one last time before trying to get some more shuteye.

* * *

A loud thump sounded amidst some darkness... People talking, shuffling, something brushing against her.

Lucas awoke with her eyes closed, hoping she could nap just a bit longer, but the sounds persisted until she gave up and decided to get up. Upon opening her eyes, her vision was still dark. This puzzled her until she remembered Toon Link's hat was obscuring her view. She promptly removed it.

Hands to her eyes, she yawned and stretched, smacking her lips. She blinked a few times and sighed, feeling refreshed. The seats were nice and comfortable, and the ride there was smooth. Her head hurt a little, but she figured it was from being in-flight for so long.

As she took time to fix her hat hair, she felt something pierce her thigh in the seat. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her bell necklace: the one she was supposed to ring if she needed help. Lucas honestly forgot it was in there, and probably couldn't use it anyway, but was glad she brought it along. She decided to put it on, just in case. It tingled softly as it landed around her neck.

Now wide awake, Lucas sighed, realizing no one was in the ship. Instead, they were standing around outside. Below the opened hatch, Samus was heard briefing her team. She had on her suit now, sans helmet, which Pikachu still wore.

"Oh, Lucas," she said, looking up. "You're awake. Good, I want you to hear this. TL, be a dear and help her up."

"Yes, ma'am." Toon Link went back inside and helped Lucas to her feet. "Feel better?"

"Yeah... A little dizzy, though." She stood without much trouble. "...Where are we?"

"The Research Facility. Samus' choice."

That made Lucas uneasy. Why couldn't they go somewhere less creepy, like the Plains or the River?

Samus went on. "As I was saying: Pikachu, you're coming with me. We'll search the lower deck of this place."

("Roger!") saluted the mouse.

"Peach, Zelda? I'd like you two to scope the outer extremities and inner area, but whatever you do, stay on the first floor. This place is a maze and there are elevators everywhere. Do not take _one_; you _will_ get lost."

"How're we supposed to keep in touch with each other?" asked Zelda.

She made adjustments to her suit. "I'm setting my internal visor to home in and detect your energies. Once we get inside, I'll have a map and can trace you guys within a 10 mile radius. Pikachu and I can hotwire the communication ports and call you over the intercom."

"Then how're we supposed to call you?"

"When me and Pikachu get through the communications system, you can call us from anything that looks like a computer. Push any button, and I'll get a signal."

"Ugh..." She massaged her brow. "This is all so confusing..."

"Don't worry. Even if we get separated, the ship is just a sprint away for you. Toon Link, I'm appointing you lookout."

He blinked. "Lookout?"

"Yes. I know Lucas'll need supervision, so you two stay here and watch for danger. My suit has direct communications with the ship, so you can radio me if something happens."

"Samus, you've only been here once. How do you know it so well?" inquired Peach.

The bounty hunter scoffed. "Master Hand designed this place especially for me. This is a warm up compared to some of the crap I've had to do. So? Any questions, comments, concerns?"

No one said anything. Samus took that a a no.

"All right. Good luck, you guys. We'll meet back here in an hour."

With that, she put her helmet on and dashed off with Pikachu. Zelda sighed and Peach shrugged as they followed, albeit at a walking pace, into the laboratory's depths.

Toon Link scratched his head. "Guess we're on our own then."

Lucas yawned. Standing in the doorway, she waddled down the open door and outside. The ominous laboratory didn't sit well with her at all, even on the outside. She was sure it was teeming with horrific inventions and monstrosities. Lucas had a personal disliking for places like this; places who's sole purpose was to house inorganic experiments and pollute the world with their waste...

Despite the dark factory overlooking the area, everything around it was strangely fresh and grassy. There was a thick blanket of trees around the perimeter, and Lucas could even hear birds chirping. The floating island provided a crisp, cool breeze. It was the perfect place for nature to thrive, despite the industrialized eyesore.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply to take in the fresh air when a jolt of pain shot through her.

_"...Aah!"_ She winced, grabbing her temples.

This caught her bodyguard's attention. "Lucas? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah..." she breathed. "My head just hurts a little."

Toon looked reluctant, but he took her word for it. "...Well listen, I'm going to get up here to get a better look of things. I see you have your bell with you. Make sure you ring it if there's trouble."

Lucas watched him grab the edge of Samus' ship. "Okay..."

With some difficulty, he eventually managed to scramble up the side. He was used to climbing rocks and things. Not so much metal, but...

Meanwhile, Lucas massaged her head, figuring she was still a little nauseous from the ride there... She decided she'd had enough of looking at the facility and focused her attention elsewhere. Her gaze wandered about until she realized they were on a floating island, several thousand miles from the ground. There wasn't much else to look at. Except, well... sky.

She looked behind Samus' ship, seeing they were parked near the edge in case a quick escape was needed. It was unfathomable the see the land abruptly end and show nothing but sky. The clouds were calm and close as they lazily drifted by, putting her mind at ease. She smiled, feeling better already. Toon Link was on top of the ship now, a hand over his eyes as he scoured for danger. He probably wouldn't mind.

Very slowly, she made her way over to the edge, fear griping at her senses. Every step closer increased her chances of falling if she wasn't careful. Once she got near enough, she gently sat down and scooted towards the edge, just enough so her legs could dangle. Curious, she leaned over a little to see the view from below. All she saw was a blanket of thick clouds and the occasional view of the earth. Nothing short of terrifying.

Despite this, she kept her view on the mesmerizing clouds in front of her. A chilly breeze rushed by, making Lucas close her eyes again and comb through her hair. She smiled as the wind tickled her face. Never had she dreamed she'd be in the stratosphere with such an awe-inspiring experience. She could feel her headache getting better already...

* * *

Samus stepped out from behind a wall, gun held at the ready. She pointed her it around to scout for danger, then kept going. On all fours, Pikachu backed her up, ears and tail alert.

It'd been like this for almost an hour. Sneaking around, on their guards... but nothing ever provoked them to attack. They'd searched the place up and down _twice_, and still no Ness. Peach and Zelda reported the same. Something was up...

They walked into a dark, spacious room with a large computer in the middle. It emitted soft sounds of technology, its glowing screens the only source of light. Nothing out of the ordinary, as always.

Samus sighed. "Well, that's it. Unless he's invisible, Ness isn't here. We should get back to the others."

...

Pikachu wasn't sure what it was, but a distant sound graced his sensitive ears. And it didn't sound good. He'd learned the hard way these sounds always preceded a long-range attack, if not something even worse. Trusting his instincts, he zipped to Samus' side, electricity sparkling from his cheeks. His partner saw this and aimed her cannon in the his direction.

"Pikachu, what is it?" she whispered.

("...Samus, watch out!")

She barely had time to react before something twinkled in the darkness. A gun or something was fired, the shot in the shape of a black arrow with a hazy orange outline. Her eyes opened in shock.

Despite her momentary pause, she was able to dodge the blast and jump towards the wall, doing a somersault off it and landing several feet away. Upon landing, she opened fire at where the shot came from, seemingly hitting nothing. She continued her assault until a wicked laugh sounded from above. Ceasing fire, Samus looked up, eyes narrowed.

"Ridley..."

"Aw, how'd you know?" The villain appeared from the dark ceiling, swooping down and landing at her side. "You're out of practice. It's not like you to miss a target. And you didn't even hear me breathing up there? Tsk tsk."

"Cut the small talk." She aimed at him. "Where's Ness?"

"Ness?" The dragon began tapping his chin, assuming a thinking pose. "Ness... Ness... Hmm... Oh! Ness! Yeah, that kid we caught. I think you should be more worried about your little friend there."

Samus cut her eyes to where the Pokemon once stood, catching a glimpse of his overturned trophy. He wasn't able to get away in time, which confirmed her earlier suspicion; that blast was from a Trophy Gun. Eyes still on Ridley, she darted over to Pikachu, quickly swiping her arm cannon against his tail as a means of reviving him. She then turned and got back into a shooting position, expecting the mouse to back her up.

He never did.

Ridley grinned. "What's wrong? Why isn't he moving?"

Samus wondered the same thing, looking over the Pokemon once more. Upon closer inspection, Pikachu's "trophy" looked... off. He wasn't in his regular trophy pose, instead, being on all fours with a startled, yet angry look on his face. There was no color to his frame and looked as if crafted with concrete. Not only that, but there was no Trophy Base beneath him.

"I see you're wondering why he doesn't look like a regular trophy, huh? Well, that's because he's not," snickered Ridley. He brandished what seemed to be a Trophy Gun. "See, we've been tinkering around with this device since you locked us away here at the start of your menial little tournament, and it's now our new secret weapon. It's been fully redesigned, really! Now when someone's hit with this, it doesn't turn them into a trophy, but a statue! Do you know what that means?"

Samus looked like she was about to blow his head apart, so he answered himself.

"It means your very downfall!" he cackled, flying over to Pikachu. He picked him up with a hind claw. "Go ahead! Touch him! Try to bring him back! That's how the hands made it, right? Not anymore!"

Still laughing, he threw the frozen mouse across the room. He banged against the wall and landed with a dull clank. Samus refused to show remorse.

"It's a good thing he's out of the way," she feigned. "Now we can settle this, one-on-one."

"Sorry, I have other plans." He snapped his claws.

Slowly but surely, the bounty hunter found herself surrounded as Petey, Porky, and Rayquaza stepped into view from the room's darkest corners. Apparently, Rayquaza was guilty of firing at her and Pikachu.

("We were just waiting for one of you to show up so we could test out the new Super Statue Gun, and we're please to see it works!") exclaimed Rayquaza. ("We can't kill you directly, so why not override the rules?")

"I thought we weren't gonna with that name," whispered Porky.

("Well, I don't think 'teh l33t haxx0r laz0r' sticks...")

"It does, too! It's a good name!"

"Eh..." Ridley facepalmed. "Long story short, this gun turns anyone it hits into a statue. You can't reverse it, the gun's indestructible, and we've mass produced about 100 of them."

"We take over house, too!" added Petey. "Maybe make bad guy tournament... Hmm, still not sure. We working on details."

"So Samus, about that one-on-one?" continued Ridley. "Would you settle for a four-on-one? I know how you like your challenges."

Surrounded on all sides by the four bosses, Samus knew she was both outnumbered and outmatched. Even if Pikachu was still sentient, he'd probably say that. Knowing defeat was inevitable, she smiled.

"I'll try to go easy on you."

* * *

Peach sighed. It'd been a while since Samus radioed them. She said if they didn't find Ness in the next 10 minutes, they'd regroup at the ship. That was almost a half-hour ago.

She and Zelda were waiting in the first area of the facility for them, but between lack of communication and how long they'd been waiting, Peach was starting to get suspicious.

She eyed her fellow female. "It's awfully quiet, don't you think? No enemies, no obstacle or any traps..."

"No Samus, no Pikachu..." responded Zelda. "Think we should go look for them?"

"Ugh, I knew this wouldn't work! Samus probably went so far down, she's out of range!" huffed Peach, crossing her arms.

Zelda looked down the hallway. "...I think something might've happened."

"Yeah, she got lost! Now we've got _three_ people to look for-!"

"Shh!" Zelda's eyes darted around. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what...?"

Zelda made a shushing gesture, staying completely still in this pose. Peach froze in her annoyed stance, as well. Distant clanking was heard. It became progressively louder, as if someone was walking towards them. It walked at a leisurely pace, but with multiple gaits.

"...Samus?" Peach tentatively asked.

Suddenly, the lights went out, making her squeak. Zelda shushed her again and decided it was probably best to leave. Grabbing Peach, she was about to maneuver her outside when the room illuminated again.

"Heeeeeeeere's Porky!"

Facing the exit, the princesses whipped around to see his humongous machine emerging. Peach shrieked. Rayquaza chose this time to appear from behind Porky, almost as if her screaming made things worse.

("Well, hi there. We've been looking for you.")

"Funny, we were about to say the same thing," retorted Zelda.

"Oh, we know." Two of Porky's mechanical limbs brandished the statues of Samus and Pikachu. "We found your friends first."

The royal pair gasped. Rayquaza laughed and pulled out the Super Statue Trophy Gun. The girls hitched their breath.

("...Do we have to go through the same song and dance every time?") he asked Porky.

"Same song and dance-" He was flabbergasted by the stupidity of that question. "What is this, ballet practice?! Just _shoot_ them!"

Peach blanched in horror as Sheik leapt into action, quite literally. She attacked Rayquaza's torso with blinding speed, causing him to drop the gun. Once it landed, her body became a blur as she unleashed a volley of attacks upon it. The bosses watched, looking smug.

Sheik sprayed a shower of needles on the weapon as her last attack, jumping back next to Peach. Assuming the gun'd been destroyed, she was poised to attack the evil duo on her next assault.

"That was pretty good," snickered Porky. "I'd give it 6.5. Probably'd be higher if you actually destroyed it."

Much to Sheik's horror, he was right. Despite using her entire moveset on it, the Super Statue Gun remained intact. The chrome of its build even shined.

"But... how?"

("SCIENCE!") Rayquaza exclaimed. He raised the gun again, aiming it at the two.

_"Get down!"_ Sheik slapped Peach to the floor, crouching down on all fours herself. The Super Statue Gun's shot missed them by a mile, causing a room-shaking explosion on a nearby wall.

"You missed," berated Porky. "We trap them in a _hallway_... and you miss."

("Screw off, you can't even hold the damn thing!")

"SHUT UP AND DO IT AGAIN!"

Rayquaza grumbled and tried to focus his aim on the grounded princesses. Sheik narrowed her eyes; she had to act fast. Peach felt utterly helpless, as the scene was happening too fast for her to comprehend.

Sheik sprung up from the floor and onto the ceiling, quickly crawling across like a spider. She knew it took a few seconds for a Trophy Gun to fire, and was cocky enough to bet she was twice as fast. Seeing Rayquaza wasn't fazed earlier, she decided to aim her next attack on Porky. Confident, she jumped off, aiming a fist at his machine in hopes of shattering the glass.

Seeing this, Porky panicked. "Up there! _Up there!_"

("I'm trying!") spat the dragon, angling the gun upwards.

Unfortunately, Rayquaza's aim this time was true. The Super Statue Gun fired almost immediately, much to Sheik's dismay. Even with her speed, she wasn't able to jump away fast enough. Much too late, she noticed this was no ordinary Trophy Gun they were dealing with.

...Sheik's statue fell in front of Peach as if taunting her. She was frozen in her airborne stance, a fist punching outward. A look of shock and frustration told her she'd realized something terrible, which made Peach shiver.

The princess contemplated on what to do next. Peach was no coward, but she wasn't stupid. Slowly getting up, she reluctantly decided to run for it, but didn't get far before Porky impaled her dress to the floor. Squealing, she fell.

"Oh, by the way, before we get this over with, you mind telling me somethin'? See, I heard about this fair princess who was a little late to the party. Princess Luana? You're a princess, so you should know her."

Peach's fear was replaced with confusion. "...Who?"

"Don't act stupid! I know she's here, and she's probably some kind of magical oracle or somethin'!"

Seeing this as a chance to escape, Peach nonchalantly asked, "...Well, what does she look like? Where does she hail from? No like that lives in the Mushroom Kingdom..."

"Uh..." Porky rummaged through his mind. "She's blond, peachy skin... Blue eyes, cowlick... and she had on casual wear. Like a shirt and daisy dukes."

("Shh! Don't tell her that!") interrupted Rayquaza. ("You'll ruin the plan!")

He made a face. "Why? We're looking for her anyway, and these bozos are all hush-hush about it! I wanna see her and know why!" He looked to Peach. "That means you better start talkin', toots, or we'll make you our personal-"

He trailed off, seeing she'd fled the scene, leaving behind a severed piece of her dress. "...paperweight?"

("See?!") growled Rayquaza. ("I _knew_ you'd mess this up! Now we have to find her, if she doesn't blab this to the whole world first!")

Porky rolled his unseen eyes. "Come off it, she's in a dress. How far can she get?" One of his mech's claws scooped up Sheik. "I'll add this to the collection. Meanwhile, you follow her."

("Why do _I_ have to chase her?") whined the Pokemon.

"That other blondie we got has a spaceship and I can't fly, so stop asking stupid questions and go _get her already_!" he barked. "I want that princess and I want her _**now**_!"

* * *

Still on top of Samus' ship, Toon Link looked to the sky. The sun was starting to set and he was starting to get worried. Pikachu and the girls had been gone for almost two hours now. He wasn't sure how big the inside of this place was, but even if it was bigger than Smash Mansion, they should've checked in by now... Something was wrong.

He couldn't tell Lucas that, though. She was precariously perched behind him on the edge of the island. If he'd seen her doing this earlier, he would've persuaded her away, but trying to coax Lucas away now might make her fall. She seemed happily preoccupied with the clouds, so...

He barely had time to resume lookout before he heard, "_Toon Link, Lucas! Get inside!"_

Startled, he saw Peach scurrying out of the facility. Her dress was in tatters as she held it up on its sides, running for dear life. She looked downright spooked. Toon Link wasn't one to ask questions, so he jumped off and ran to get Lucas.

The blonde heard Peach scream and scooted away from the edge to see what happened. Instead, she saw Toon Link run over.

"TL?" she asked. "Was that Peach? What's wrong?"

"I don't know! She said get inside, so let's hurry!"

He quickly helped her up and towards the ship, just in time for Peach to dive in and close the hatch. It took agonizingly forever until it finally sealed shut as the princess yanked out her dainty, pink suitcase.

"W-what's going on?" asked Toon Link, clearly shaken. "Where're the others?"

"They got them and now they're after Lucas! I don't have much time! Hurry!" She wildly opened it and madly began rummaging though its contents. After throwing out several types of girly essentials, she yanked out a plain pink dress. "Lucas, put this on! Quick!"

Peach sounded like she knew what she was talking about, so she slipped it on. Much to her relief, it was a maternity gown and fit her well. Satisfied, Peach went to the front and sat in Samus' chair.

"Now listen: Samus put this thing on autopilot. It should take you to wherever the most Smashers are in case of an emergency. I think I can turn it on, but after that, you two're on your own."

"What? Why aren't you coming with-"

Toon Link was interrupted by the ship violently jerking to the side, throwing him and Lucas off their feet. Peach typed crazily on the control panel, miraculously starting the engine.

"Yes!" She ran to the door. "I'll distract him while you take off!"

"Distract who?!"

The ship jerked again, thunderous banging on the side. ("I saw you run in here, y'know,") blandly said Rayquaza. ("Make this easy for both of us and come on out.")

"Lucas." Peach grabbed her fellow blonde and spoke sternly. "Porky is after you. For some reason, he seems to think you're a princess. I've no idea why, but if he finds out who you are, it's game over. So, whatever you do, _DO NOT_ let him know! Toon Link, same goes for you. As far as he's concerned, this is Princess Luana, okay? Spread the word!"

"But Peach-!" Toon Link called. Another sudden jerk cut him off. "Augh!"

Peach flung herself into the front, pounding a fist on the "hatch release" button. The door unsealed itself, showing a black sclera and yellow pupil. The princess reacted quickly and chucked a Vegetable at it. She missed completely and nicked the side of his face.

Rayquaza frowned. ("Ugh, you throw like a girl... Oh, wait.")

Peach charged out the door, slamming her hips into his face. _"Go! Now!"_

("Why, you-!") The dragon let go of the ship, sights now on the retreating princess.

"Peach!" called Toon Link. The engines gave a sudden burst of strength to achieve lift-off. The hatch hissed and began closing.

The last thing he saw was Peach holding off Rayquaza with her parasol, swinging it back and forth as if warding off a mouse. The Pokemon gradually inched closer, something clutched in his claws. Whatever it was fired at Peach, but the door closed before Toon Link could see the outcome. The ship shuddered and took off at blistering speed.

"TL," whispered Lucas, "I'm scared..."

He went to the ship's front and looked out the window. The fleeting sun tinted the sky a blazing orange as thick, blood-red clouds breezed by. It was both beautiful and ominous, as the scenario reminded Toon Link of when the Halberd got hijacked by Shadow Bugs. A few stars dotted an indigo sky in the very edge of his vision, signifying night was fast approaching. As if they didn't have enough problems...

He snapped back to reality. "Uh... Peach said we'd go to wherever the most Smashers are..." The flashing keyboard and doohickeys made him pause. "We're okay, we'll be there soon-"

The ship jerked like it did before, throwing its occupants to the backseat and turning on its side. Panicked, Toon Link unsheathed his sword and scaled the slanted floor until he returned to the front.

Lucas started hyperventilating. "W-what was that?!"

"It's okay, it's okay!" he reassured, looking to and fro for any signs of turbulence. "It's all good. We're all go-"

Rayquaza's eye came into view. ("Peekaboo!")

"Ah!" The swordsman fell over backwards.

("You really think you can escape me in a flying helmet?! Your max speed is only a **_fifth_ **of mine!")

With that, he began scraping around the hull for a way to get in, creating the most agonizing chalkboard-esque sounds know to man. The blondes clutched their ears in pain, gritting their teeth.

Unable to take it anymore, Toon Link was about to break the windshield and deal with Rayquaza himself when he was saved the trouble. A fist plowed through the window and seized the hero, dragging him into the outside tempest. Lucas was powerless, ducking down in the backseat as glass went everywhere.

("Looks like I got a prize!") cackled Rayquaza.

The wind outside was deafeningly loud, as well as relentless. Breathing was next to impossible for Toon Link with the gales lashing his face. He couldn't even see, more or less hear his captor mocking him.

Fear struck the swordsman as he realized he'd lost his ability to concentrate, so he did what any other person with a sword in this situation would: swung it around like a maniac.

("Hey! What're you do-? OW!")

Toon Link blindly slashed across Rayqauza's claw, causing him to let go and him to plummet. Not one of his best ideas...

He flailed about mid-drop, still unable to breathe or see. If he could get his Hookshot out fast enough, maybe he could latch onto the ship and... Oh, okay, nevermind. He was out range now. Well... fiddlesticks.

"Hey, kid! I see you're having some trouble there! Permission for back-up?"

As he continued his long descent, Toon Link spotted something flying out of the setting sun. On top of barely being able to hear, the sun's rays were still bright enough to conceal whoever that was in its glistening form.

"Ah hell, whatever! You were always a quiet one, so I'll take that as a 'yes'!"

With flawless control, the aircraft dipped down and increased its speed to head Toon Link off at the pass. Gauging his distance, it stopped beneath him and opened the hatch. Pit leapt out of the back compartment, catching the swordsman on his back in mid-flight. Seeing the angel's success, who else but Wolf gave him a thumbs up and closed the hatch, speeding off and increasing altitude to deal with Rayquaza.

Back on Samus' ship, Rayquaza had it bound in his tail's grasp, stopping its progress. He stuck a claw through the broken windshield and patted around to see if there where any other Smashers hiding inside.

("Come out, come out, wherever you are!") he teased. ("Or I'll crush this thing like a soda can!")

Lucas was as far back as she could get in the backseat, terrified. It would only be a matter of time before he came across her, but if she didn't do something quick, she'd be crushed! She looked at her hands.

The blonde hadn't used her PSI in months, but it was still there, right? ...She didn't have much of a choice. Clasping her palms together and throwing them forward, she shouted a command of...

_"PK Fire!"_

Much to her delight, the resulting burst of flame singed his arm, causing him to cry out in pain. The flare was somewhat dim and didn't do as much damage as she'd hoped, but this was good enough. Rayquaza pulled away, grumbling.

While he was occupied with that, Wolf flew in. Getting on his communicator, he radioed to Fox, "Howling Moon to Firefox, Howling Moon to Firefox! Come in! Do you read me?"

"Firefox here. What's your status?"

"We have Rayquaza attacking Samus' vessel. Toon Link was jettisoned from the ship, but there appears to be no answer from onboard. I'm attempting to decommission him now."

"Howling Moon, stand down! What's your location? Falco and I are planning to-"

"There's no time!" he snapped. "I'm currently 20 miles off the perimeter of Research Facility. Hurry up and get here, but I'm going in. Howling Moon out!"

Fox sounded irritated. "Ugh, Wolf, wait-!" He was clicked off.

"Now." Wolf smirked. "Time to have some fun."

As he formulated a plan, Pit hovered in the distance, piggybacking Toon Link. "Whew, that was close, huh? What happened in there?"

The smaller Link shook him. "Pit! We have to get back over there and help!"

"Why? Wolf looks like he's got it under control."

"Lucas is still on there!"

The angel groaned. "Oh, _now_ you tell me! Why didn't you say anything earlier?!"

"I didn't think Wolf would go all postal like this! He didn't even check for others!"

"...Well, I doubt he's gonna stop now, so let's go while the getting's good!" With that, Pit began flying towards the ship.

Readying his aim, Wolf opened fire on Rayquaza. Nearly every shot hit him in the face, but it didn't seem to do much. Wolf soared past him as he swiped at the pesky pilot.

("Ugh!") growled Rayquaza. ("Go away! I'm trying to pillage here!")

Wolf pulled a U-turn and unloaded again, but this time, his aim was erratic and unbalanced as to anger the Pokemon further. Again, this didn't seem to faze him, as his grip around Samus' ship grew tighter.

("All right, you asked for it!")

As the Wolfen sped by again, Rayquaza fired off a pulse of energy. Wolf kicked his ship into high gear to outrun the attack, eventually pulling another U-turn to dodge it. The dogfight continued as Pit made it to the ship, letting Toon Link off near the broken windshield.

"I'll help keep him busy!" he called. "Go!"

Jumping inside, Toon Link didn't have to look long before finding Lucas huddled up in the backseat. Before he could reach her, something outside exploded, destroying the ceiling. Covering his head, he ran to her aid.

"Lucas, come on. We have to go now!"

She panicked. "Go where? On what?!"

Pit answered her by being flung through the ceiling and hitting the floor hard, bow and arrows in hand.

"...Oh. I guess that's good enough."

"Ugh..." He slowly rose. "It's hell out there! Wolf won't stop firing Smart Bombs! I think he's trying to hit in Rayquaza's mouth, but he's got no rhyme or reason!"

"Pit, can you get us out of here?" Toon Link asked.

"I can't carry both of you guys. One of you has to get back on the Wolfen. Even jumping on the hatch is okay."

"I'll go. Just take Lucas and get out of here."

"But what about-"

In an act of sheer bravery, or stupidity, Toon Link ran to the front and dove out the window. Another Smart Bomb exploded as he did so, making the scene one of the coolest-looking things in Smash Bros. history.

Pit and Lucas were off the ship by now, just in time for yet another Smart Bomb to go off. Rayquaza was absolutely furious at this point. He crushed the aircraft in his grip and abandoned it, flying after a retreating Wolf. A safe distance away, the angel shook his head.

"Ooh, Samus is gonna be pissed. I don't think she finished her payments on that thing..."

In his arms, Lucas was more worried about Toon Link. Master Hand could replicate anything except organic beings, so her ship was the least of their worries.

Meanwhile, Toon Link was back to freefalling. His teeth were gritted, eyes barely able to open from the pressure. Despite the bleakness of his situation, all was going according to plan.

He reached into his belt and pulled out the Deku Leaf. Holding both the stem and catching the leaf's tip, he created a makeshift parachute. The force violently jerked him upwards as his decline became a leisurely glide. He blew a sigh of relief.

The Wolfen screeched overhead, Rayquaza not far behind. He fired off a volley of blasts until one hit the pilot's left wing. Wolf immediately lost control and began spiraling downward, leaving a streak of smoke behind. Rayquaza followed the trail, intent on continuing his assault. Wolf decided to use this to his advantage.

Nearing the blanket of clouds Lucas observed earlier, he increased his speed and pulled a 180, taking off into the darkening sky. Much to his dismay, Rayquaza preempted this and also used the clouds as a shield. He shot an energy blast from somewhere in the fog, making Wolf swerve violently and lose control again. As he drove through the murkiness, a startled Toon Link suddenly drifted into view. Wolf managed to avoid him, but not without tearing a hole in his Deku Leaf, causing him to fall onto the windshield.

It wasn't in either of their plans, but it worked out nonetheless. Rayquaza was back in shooting range by now, so Toon Link stood and readied his arrows as Wolf prepared a Smart Bomb. His control panel said it was his last one, so he had to make it count. Unfortunately, he was so focused on the controls, he didn't see Pit come into view. The angel saw him coming, but wasn't able to fly away fast enough before they collided. Rayquaza shot at Wolf a split second earlier, causing him to accidentally release the Smart Bomb.

The blast was decimating. All four Smashers were caught in it, causing them to drop like flies. Wolf was sent careening into the unknown while Toon Link was knocked unconscious. Pit tried his best to stay airborne, but the impact rendered his wings broken and useless. Lucas was powerless to do anything but fall.

Triumphant, Rayquaza swooped by and grabbed her, leaving the others to fall to their doom. She couldn't say she wasn't thankful, but this was still a bitter failure in every way.

The Pokemon took off like a rocket, but not before the cavalry arrived in the form of Fox and Falco. They managed to save their fellow fighters, but Rayquaza was too fast and far away to catch up with.

...Frustrated, Fox cursed and slammed a fist on his dashboard as she was spirited away.

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes****:** Guess what, kiddies?! I had to split the chapter again! Why am I still telling you this?_ _It's not like anyone cares. Either that, or it's because I keep misjudging when I'll update or how long a story will be. Eh..._


End file.
